How to love yourself: advice from professional psychologists

Realize your self-sufficiency and accept yourself

Many parents teach their children to love themselves for something, they say that it is important to constantly prove something, to be good. The famous psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky claims that you just need to love yourself. Repeat every day: “I like myself.” Looking in the mirror, repeat: “I like everything. Everything I see suits me.” Remember that you are not better or worse than anyone, you are you.

Start the path of self-love by recognizing and accepting your shortcomings and forgiveness for past mistakes. This does not mean that you should not strive for development, just stop scolding and condemning yourself.

Psychologist's advice

Accepting yourself means adequately perceiving your internal and external qualities. Changing a personality is a long and laborious process, provided that she herself desires it. Below is a selection of rules that will help you change on your own, love yourself and your body (if, in your opinion, the problem is physical disabilities).

We struggle with dependence on other people's assessments

The vast majority perceive themselves as dictated by others. This attitude begins from the school bench, where the teacher’s assessment is unshakable and indestructible: whatever level of knowledge the teacher sees is what it is. Such value judgments continue to influence us as adults.

Dependence on the assessments of others constantly feeds a person; he always strives for approval; if it is not there, the level of self-esteem decreases.

Try to fight this addiction: speak your opinion, even if it is wrong, do not believe what is said about you in a negative way if you do not agree.

Try to laugh at yourself more often

Humor helps you survive in the most difficult situations. By translating everything into humor, you change the perception of the world. The ability to laugh at your own mistakes is an art that not everyone can do. Scientists have proven that 5 minutes of sincere laughter prolongs life by 1 minute. If you laugh more often, life becomes brighter and longer, according to research and the minds of our contemporaries.

Be positive. Positive thinking helps you achieve your goals. Try to turn even the most unpleasant situations into a joke. There is a story in which a girl “played for joy” - she found something to be happy about even in the most absurd situations, when she broke her leg or was rejected by relatives. This game really works! Look for reasons to rejoice in everything!

Don't talk bad about yourself in front of others

Every person has the right to make mistakes, but if you tell others mainly your shortcomings, they will believe that these are your main qualities. But along with the disadvantages, each has a huge number of advantages. Every person deserves respect and love. When you find it difficult, convince yourself of this. Notice your positive qualities not for the purpose of boasting, but with the goal of using them for good.

Stop others from dictating how to live your life.

To live in harmony with yourself and the world around you, it is important to set your boundaries. What is acceptable for others may be impossible or disgusting for you. What is bad for others may be great for you. We are all different, so don't let others dictate how to live, what to be, what to do.

The constant desire to please someone, to adapt to someone’s values ​​robs you of your golden time of self-realization. When you adapt to the demands of others, you are not living your life. We need to listen to advice and reject directives.

Control over emotions

If you don't learn to control your emotions, they will get the better of you. At one point, unrestrained anger, resentment, and malice can greatly compromise you. Intemperate behavior entails loss of self-esteem and respect from others.

I suggest you take Nicholas Hall's emotional intelligence test. It consists of 30 questions, the completion time is 5 minutes. The results in the second scale of “Managing your emotions” will show your level from 6 to 36.

Take responsibility for your actions and life

Self-esteem is made up of many components, but it's never too late to take responsibility for your life. If you take small steps towards your dreams, you will see that you have achieved a lot. Start small: take responsibility for sleeping early and waking up early, take responsibility for drinking more water, not overeating, and so on.

Engage in self-development

It's always useful. Trainings, motivational programs, motivational books will benefit you for a long time. Communication with smart people who can teach you something will enrich you spiritually. If a person does not develop, he degrades.

I understand your situation and since you are reading this article, I have an effective solution for you.

Learning from a person who has walked this path will help you believe in yourself and achieve what exactly you want in this life. Under no circumstances should you listen to amateurs who shout at every corner: “Pay me and you’ll get rich!”

For me, such a person is Pavel Volya.

His online course “Improver Express” will teach 3 main things: initiative, action and efficiency.

The training consists of 23 chips. It was they who helped Volya turn from a simple beggar Penza guy into the highest paid presenter of the TNT channel and my favorite stand-up comedian.

The course is suitable for both men and women from 16 years of age.

How the training will take place:

1. You receive theory and practical assignment.
2. Do it.
3. If you did it right, move on to the next one.

If you don’t mess around and do all your homework responsibly, then pleasant changes await you: at work, in your personal life, with relatives and friends. This will lead to more money, connections and success.

Cost – 15,000 rubles. with access forever, but there is also the opportunity to take the course for 3,000 rubles.

If within 2 weeks you decide that the course is not suitable for you, your money will be returned.

After registering for training, a girl from Pavel’s team will contact you and answer all your questions regarding the training. You will discuss payment terms with her.

Also in this article you will find reviews of all courses of the “Willpower” project from Pavel and Laysan Utyasheva.

Track negative beliefs and change them

The reason for self-dislike often lies in persistent negative beliefs. So, a person can think that he is a crooked incompetent, and provide thousands of evidence to confirm this. However, this property is not innate, but acquired, and, therefore, it can be changed.

Psychologist Veronika Alexandrova explains that the human psyche is designed to pay attention to what confirms deep-seated beliefs and at the same time ignore any disproving cases. To love yourself:

1. Observe yourself and determine your own beliefs about yourself. For example, when you forget something, you think that you are stupid and unreliable.
2. Every time you catch yourself thinking this way, look for another explanation for the situation. Don't take all the blame and responsibility on yourself.

Pay attention to your successes and praise yourself for them. This will help you develop a positive attitude towards yourself.

Reasons for lack of self-love

Psychologists say that the roots of a lack of self-love should be sought in childhood. The child's psyche is very sensitive and receptive. She, like a sponge, absorbs everything that happens to a person. Any careless word can leave an imprint that a person will carry throughout his life.

The main reasons why a person cannot love himself:

• lack of unconditional love from parents;
• comparison with other children in their favor;
• lack of proper attention from parents, their constant employment;
• jealousy towards brothers or sisters;
• inflated demands and overprotection;
• ridicule from peers;
• conflicts with teachers;
• serious traumatic event.

Most often, it is in childhood that the preconditions for self-dislike are laid. But this is not the only possible scenario. It happens that at an early age a person does not experience problems with self-esteem and self-acceptance, and then something happens in his life that seriously undermines self-confidence.

This could be an unsuccessful relationship, problems at work, the loss of a loved one, a serious illness, etc. A once stable and strong person turns into a confused, scared and insecure person. He has to re-look for support within himself, re-establish contact with himself.

Fortunately, our psyche is very malleable and plastic. If you don’t waste time throwing ashes on your head, but focus on regaining self-love, the result will come very quickly.

Don't compare yourself to others

If you constantly compare yourself to others, you will feel inferior. A person finds himself in an endless wheel of suffering and the pursuit of someone and his success. Each of us can only be ourselves and live our own lives.

The only person you should compare yourself to is yourself. At the same time, it is important to compare not only the results achieved, but also the new knowledge and awareness gained. Ask yourself these questions daily:

• In what ways have I become wiser than yesterday, what have I learned new?
• What lessons did today bring me?

Such a comparison motivates, helps to understand what you need to work on and where to strive.

The subtle side of the issue

The ability to value yourself means showing love that does not set conditions and does not require heroic deeds. But this is not the only problem.

Two different but close concepts

Many may mistake this for “narcissism.” But this is a deep misconception. Sincere feelings of an individual towards oneself are not a feeling of superiority over others and not the idea of ​​oneself as the “navel of the earth” around which the planet revolves. Respecting your “I” means accepting negative traits and shortcomings. The individual finds harmony in his inner world, becomes confident in any situation and is imbued with respect for his own actions and words.

Take care of yourself

Self-love: Gettyimages
Psychologist Sarah-Len Mutivasekwa recommends paying attention to this aspect. First of all, it is associated with the body, but not only with it. Self-care includes everything we do for health:

• Eat a balanced diet and drink enough water.
• Get enough sleep and rest.
• Give up bad habits.
• Play sports.

In addition, it is important to watch interesting films and listen to your favorite music, engage in hobbies, and communicate with people you like and treat you well.

Useful literature

If you want to approach the problem thoroughly, I recommend studying the relevant literature. Pay attention to the following books on psychology:

• L. Hay “Become happy in 21 days.” A complete course of self-love”
• M. Zakharenko “The magic of self-love”
• L. Levitskaya “Facing yourself. The path from pain to love"
• A. Zaloga “Self-love. 50 ways to increase self-esteem”
• A. Zaloga “Self-love. Training diary for 30 days. How to increase self-esteem and accept yourself as such”
• O. Savelyeva “Lucky. 80 therapeutic stories about love, family and the path to oneself”

Uphold personal boundaries

Many people are taught in childhood to be obedient, to give up desires and to endure what they don’t like in order to please other people. This is how a person gets used to the fact that for love one needs to do not what one wants, but what is expected of him.

Psychologist Marina Travkova advises determining what is permissible and unacceptable for you personally in relationships with loved ones, friends, and colleagues. Don't tolerate behavior you don't like. Talk about it politely and correctly right away.

By setting personal boundaries, people will understand how to behave around you, and communication will become more comfortable. In addition, it will help you understand people.

What is the difference between self-esteem and self-worth, and why is it important?

Self-esteem is everything you currently know about yourself from the words of other people..

The first people who evaluate your actions are your parents. They form the foundation of your self-esteem.

If as a child you were told, “Look at Yanochka, an excellent student, what about you?” or “Masha is a good, obedient girl, but why are you such a slob?” – you didn’t receive enough recognition from mom and dad.

You go to kindergarten, school, university, to work...

You were born in a single copy. In your physical form (even if you don’t accept it), with your talents and abilities. It is the awareness of one’s uniqueness that is self-worth.

When you understand that I am the only one, there will no longer be any evaluation criteria, offensive comparisons and complexes. You will find inner harmony and peace.

This is the fundamental difference: self-esteem is a belief that is formed under the influence of other people, self-worth is your personal conclusions about yourself, your role and uniqueness in this world.

Act according to your desires

Stop looking at the opinions of others. Often people do not fully express themselves and “hide” their personality because they are afraid of offending other people or hearing unflattering opinions about themselves. For example, they are embarrassed to sing or dance in public, fearing the disapproval of others or becoming the object of their sarcasm.

Free yourself from this fear and learn to say and do what you want. Start small: choose your own clothes and dishes, express your wishes about shared leisure time. The more you trust yourself and act according to your desires, the more self-love is revealed.

How to develop leadership qualities

A woman does not have to become a leader before she can love herself. Leadership is not just a character trait, but a conscious choice that is not needed in all situations. But if you want to have such a quality, then you will need to develop charisma, professionalism, responsibility, and the ability to lead people and set tasks for them.

Qualities inherent in a leader

Be responsible for your life

No matter what happens, ask yourself the question, “How did I create this situation?” and write down your answers point by point. Try to find as many possible answers as possible. This will help you stop blaming others for what you have and the kind of life you live, stop complaining about others and whining.

Along with accepting responsibility comes the understanding that your life is in your hands and only you can change it. Make a list of your strengths and, based on it, choose your life path.

How to start loving life and yourself in practice: psychology of action

Take a piece of paper and divide it into two columns. In the first, write a list of your own positive qualities, and in the second, write a list of your shortcomings. Then cross out all the negative characteristics, tear off that half of the sheet and throw it away. But repeat the advantages periodically. This will help influence the subconscious and improve self-esteem.

It is also worth finding a reason to be proud of your personality. Don't stop comparing with who you were yesterday. What did the past day teach you? What new things have you learned and what victories have you won? The answers will boost your self-esteem and teach you self-respect. Concentrate on the positive. If you tirelessly achieve your goals, then satisfaction is unlikely to leave you. And the implementation of new plans will be more and more pleasant each time. You will learn to appreciate your work and efforts. And this is a huge step towards achieving self-love.

Give up judgment and envy

The path of self-love: Gettyimages
Judging others, envy, constant grumbling and dissatisfaction with life take up a lot of energy and strength. This negativity comes from within, that is, a person keeps it within himself. The more you judge other people, the more you force yourself into a framework, strive to be like everyone else, not to stand out from the crowd.

Let into life, instead of condemnation and grumbling, contemplation and a sober look at people and situations. Don't judge or envy those who have achieved something. Remember that a self-sufficient person who loves himself will never treat another worse than he treats himself. Do useful things, learn to admire people.

Stage 3: Improve yourself

The third and final stage is aimed at creating and strengthening habits that will help improve your body and spirit. If the first 2 stages were aimed at reviving self-love, then the goal of the third stage is to preserve and increase this wonderful feeling. Begin.

Develop yourself

A great way to increase self-love is to spend time daily on self-improvement. There are a lot of techniques that allow you to correct deficiencies, improve weaknesses, acquire certain abilities, and improve physical fitness. Start actively developing, and you will soon feel your self-esteem rapidly increasing.

Take care of yourself

Many people are sure that an attractive and well-groomed appearance is only needed when looking for a life partner, and is not necessary the rest of the time. But appearance is the clearest indicator of a person’s attitude towards himself. An unkempt appearance, bruises and stains on clothes indicate that a person does not particularly value himself, and the connection here is two-way. Of course, self-care alone will not help you love yourself enough. However, taken as a whole, together with all the other conditions that we are talking about today, this is an important and necessary step.

Set goals and achieve them

Real goals captivate and excite, focusing attention to a single point. When you achieve them, you feel maximum satisfaction, from which your self-esteem rapidly grows. Remember that insignificant goals and those imposed by external circumstances take away energy, tire you and quickly become boring. Real goals, on the contrary, charge you with energy, captivate you, occupy your thoughts and do not allow you to fall asleep peacefully.

Learn to say “No!”

It may seem that this recommendation is “from a different story.” But the ability to refuse is directly related to self-esteem. Do only what you want. Value your own opinion, will and desires, do not allow yourself to be manipulated. Pretty soon you will feel that you have become true to yourself, and this will help you love yourself more than ever.

Change your environment

Your social circle determines your attitude towards life, so you should prefer positive, energetic, kind and smart people. And it is better to avoid disgruntled grumblers and gossips by keeping communication to a minimum. If these are relatives or other important people who cannot be excluded from your social circle, periodically hint that they should become positive. Believe me, it works!

Learn to use affirmations

This powerful technique, when used systematically, can solve almost any psychological problem. Find affirmations that help you feel respect and love for yourself. At first glance it may seem like a waste of time, but trust me, it is not. However, here you need to be patient. Affirmations begin to bring tangible results only after a few weeks of constant work, or maybe even a month. But this is one of the most effective tools in working with limiting beliefs.

Reward yourself

A small but pleasant reward for another achievement is also a reminder that you deserve a reward. It could be a delicious cake or a trip to a restaurant. If you like to read, buy an interesting book (preferably expensive and in a beautiful hardcover). You can buy a video game, go to the sauna, go fishing or get a massage.

Our main block, dedicated to answering the question of how to love yourself, has come to an end. I hope you didn’t just read this information, but began to actively apply it in practice, because this is the only way to achieve results. To further understand the value of self-love, let's talk about how it can change your life.

Love yourself like it's your job

Self-love is not a luxury or a genetic gift that confident people are born with. Love can be called both a journey and a destination.

Set aside time every day to examine your feelings and desires. Keep a diary for this. Pay attention to the emotions that arise throughout the day. Take breaks from work and make time for activities that bring you pleasure. Give yourself encouraging words and be your own best friend.

Self-love develops gradually, as a person learns to make decisions about what will remain in his life and what will leave it, what to say “yes” or “no”. Take these issues seriously and spend time on them. Love yourself because the quality of your life depends on it.

Original article: https://www.nur.kz/family/self-realization/1611990-kak-nauchitsya-lyubit-sebya-byt-uvere/

What does it mean to love yourself

There are extremes in the development of personal self-esteem, when a person “stars” and engages in “self-criticism.” Both options are bad, since inadequately high and low self-esteem becomes the cause of difficulties in communication and building long-term interpersonal relationships. So be sure to learn how to improve your self-esteem from our last article and apply these tips.

Women and men have “weak spots” where they do not always feel confident. For the female half, the “weak point” is her appearance, for the man - his achievements in life. In these and some other areas, people are most vulnerable. If a person does not value himself, does not respect and does not set boundaries, it is difficult for others to appreciate him.

When experiencing insecurity, it is common for a person to blame other people for the emotional pain that he experiences. As a result of such internal experiences, he becomes depressed, angry, and withdraws from communication with others. But all this may not happen if he begins to change his attitude towards himself in time.

What does it mean to love yourself? Many psychologists have studied this issue and determined that loving yourself means accepting yourself. Accept who you are, forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made, treat yourself positively. There is a lot of literature that talks about self-acceptance. Even the Bible says that a person should love his neighbors as himself. That is, the basis of good relationships with others is self-acceptance.

It is important to understand that self-love is not selfishness, it is the acceptance of all your strengths and weaknesses, the correct attitude towards them. If a person uses others for his own interests, violates their rights and manipulates, this is selfishness. A person with adequate self-esteem and normal values ​​will not do this.