Self-flagellation and self-criticism - how to get rid of them

What is self-flagellation? This is a destructive activity, undeservedly blaming oneself for everything that happens around. It is dangerous not only for the mental state. This is a threat to physical health. Constant attempts to reproach yourself for something provoke the development of serious diseases, neuroses, and depression. How to protect yourself from such consequences? Is it possible to learn to criticize yourself sensibly and constructively?

Content:

Psychology of self-flagellation;
Reasons for self-flagellation;
How self-criticism manifests itself;
Types of self-flagellation;
How self-flagellation affects a person’s personality;
How to get rid of self-criticism;
Why is it important to have a track record of achievement?
Productive and unproductive self-criticism;
About the connection between pessimism and self-flagellation;
“Artificial thought flow” technique;
Learn from the professionals;
Connect conductors and semiconductors on the way to the target;
Hurry, take your time;

Christianity [edit]

Main article: Mortification

Magdarama

(penitents) during Holy Week in the Philippines

Over the years, Christianity has developed a continuing tradition surrounding the doctrine of mortification, ranging from self-denial, wearing shirts and chains, fasting, and self-flagellation using discipline. [7] A minority of Christians use passages from the Bible to justify this ritual. For example, some interpreters argue that the apostle Paul's statement, “I discipline my body,” refers to self-inflicted bodily flagellation (1 Corinthians 9:27). [8] There are several prominent Christians who practiced self-flagellation. Martin Luther, the Protestant reformer, regularly practiced self-flagellation as a means of mortification. [9] Likewise, Congregationalist writer Sarah Osborne also practiced self-flagellation to "remind her of her continuing sin, debauchery, and abomination in the sight of God." [2] It became "quite common" for members of the Tractarian movement within the Anglican Communion to practice self-flagellation using discipline. [10]

From a historical perspective, in the 11th century, Peter Damian, a Benedictine Christian monk in the Roman Catholic tradition, taught that spirituality should be manifested in physical discipline; he exhorted those who seek to follow Christ to practice self-flagellation for the time required to recite the forty psalms, increasing the number of flagellations on the holy days of the Christian calendar. [4] According to Damian, only those who shared the sufferings of Christ could be saved. [4]Throughout Christian history, mortification, in which a person renounces physical pleasures, was usually accompanied by members of the clergy, especially in Christian monasteries and nunneries. Self-flagellation was used as a form of punishment as a means of punishing disobedient clergy and laity. [4]

In the 13th century, a group of Catholics known as flagellants took this practice to its extreme limits. For example, it became a way to combat plague by mitigating the effects with the help of the divine. The flagellants were later condemned as a cult by the Roman Catholic Church in the 14th century.

This ritual was also found in 16th century Japan. It was reported that the Japanese of the time, converted to Christianity by Jesuit missionaries, sympathized with the Passion of Christ and readily practiced self-flagellation to show their devotion. The earliest records of self-flagellation of Japanese converts appeared in 1555 in the Bungo and Hirado regions of Kyushu. [11] These Japanese Christians wore crowns of thorns and crosses on their backs during a procession that led to a place they designated the Mount of the Cross. [eleven]

Self-flagellation. Penitentes, Sergipe Brazil, 2002. Photo by Guy Veloso.

Christians give various reasons for choosing self-flagellation. One of the main reasons is to imitate the suffering of Christ during his Passion. Because Jesus was lashed before his crucifixion, many believe that lashing is a way to be closer to Jesus and a reminder of that lashing. [12] Many early Christians believed that in order to grow closer to God one must literally suffer through the pain of Christ. [13] Saint Paul also mentioned inflicting bodily harm to feel closer to God in his letters to the Romans and Colossians. [14]

Self-flagellation was also seen as a form of purification, purifying the soul as penance for any worldly indulgences. Self-flagellation is also used as punishment on earth to avoid punishment in the next life. [15] Self-flagellation was also seen as a way to control the body to focus only on God. By self-discipline, you can take your mind off worldly pleasures and focus entirely on worshiping God. [12] Self-flagellation is also used to thank God for answering prayer or for expelling evil spirits from the body (see Exorcism in Christianity

).
[13]The popularity of self-flagellation declined, and some pious Christians decided to practice mortification through actions such as fasting or abstinence from pleasure (cf. Lenten sacrifice
). [12]

There is debate within the Christian tradition as to whether self-flagellation has spiritual benefits, with various religious leaders and Christians condemning the practice and others, such as Pope John Paul II, practicing self-flagellation. [16] Self-flagellation people believe that they need to spiritually share in the suffering of Jesus and continue this practice both publicly and privately. [16]

Psychology of self-flagellation

Self-flagellation and self-criticism are habits that poison life. This is immoderate, excessive self-criticism. A healthy analysis of your actions, your words, your behavior leads to personality development. Normally, we should be able to look at ourselves from the outside and evaluate our own actions for compliance with our life goals. But sometimes something creeps into our head that we replay over and over again, scolding ourselves and making us feel insecure and weak. Naturally, in such a state you do not develop your personality and even stagnate in one place.

Advantages and disadvantages

Personal growth - what is it?

In order to understand what the word self-flagellation means, you need to have a good understanding of the characteristics of this feeling. Analysis and evaluation of one's actions allow a person to identify errors in behavior. Sometimes it is possible to realize the negative manifestations of actions only after several years. Therefore, engaging in self-criticism is useful, as it leads to repentance.

Self-flagellation also has negative traits. If a person sees everything only from the negative side, then this leads him to devaluing his actions. Constant remorse prevents you from changing your life for the better and achieving something.

It is impossible to say unequivocally whether self-flagellation is useful or harmful, and what it means for a particular person. Self-criticism is useful in small quantities, but if it is constantly present in an individual’s life, then this is an alarming sign.

Reasons for self-flagellation

Any phenomenon has its reasons. Excessive self-criticism is formed under the influence of many factors:

Low self-esteem . The person is dissatisfied with himself. The process of self-flagellation begins. Self-esteem decreases. Remorse increases. And this is a vicious circle that will not close until at least one component is eliminated.
Miseducation . If parents are overly self-critical, then their children can become like that over time (provided that mom and dad were authorities for the child).
Hypertrophied parent in the personality structure (according to the theory of transactional analysis). And now from Russian to normal. The famous psychologist Eric Berne identified the following ego states in the personality structure:
childish (our desires are expressed through it),
parental (that is, criticism, self-criticism - it’s all here).

Normally, these 3 conditions should be distributed equally in each person. Overly self-critical people have too strong a parental position, which overshadows the adult one. As a result, a person criticizes himself, completely disregarding objective reality (the inner adult is responsible for this).

Pessimistic view of the world.
The desire to relieve oneself of responsibility.
Just a habit . A person would be glad to get rid of it, but everything happens by itself.

Judaism[edit]

During the Middle Ages, Jewish men practiced self-flagellation the day before Yom Kippur. Bible passages such as “this will be a holy meeting for you; and destroy your souls” (Leviticus 23:27) were used to justify these actions. The author of an unspecified newspaper article claims that in the Middle Ages, men hit their backs 39 times. [17] Since biblical times, however, Judaism has primarily viewed Yom Kippur as a day of spiritual atonement, achieved through fasting, self-examination, and other interpretations of the commandment to "smite your souls" that do not involve self-harm. [18]

How does self-criticism manifest itself?

Self-criticism begins after realizing a mistake (or its repetition). The man decided that he needed to be perfect. Right now. And if not, then he is a mistake of nature. He missed and stumbled. He started gnawing at himself. He says: “That’s it, I’ll never do this again.” And then he makes mistakes again (and often steps on the same rake) and gnaws at himself even more. It should become even more ideal! On the first try. And this is such a shame. The poor fellow forgot that the first pancake almost always comes out lumpy.

Self-criticism ends in neuroses and psychoses. In extreme cases, a person injures himself or commits suicide. But much more often, life simply goes downhill steadily, which makes us gnaw at ourselves even more. Self-flagellation often ends in alcoholism and drug addiction, which destroy a person’s health and social status. Psychosomatic diseases also appear (that is, diseases whose trigger is constant negative emotions). At one point, a neurotic person comes to the doctor, and he tells him: “you have cancer and I don’t know why.” And the reason is simple - he was engaged in self-criticism for 20 years.

But all this is in extreme cases! For the most part, a person simply lives a dull life, goes to the office, gets paid pennies and chews himself from time to time. There is no degradation, but there is no development either. Just stable unhappiness .
And this is what the majority do in our country, alas.

Psychological reasons for the formation of an addiction

It is more correct to call this form of disorder an addiction, because it is almost impossible to get rid of such influence on your own, without a psychologist. Moreover, people susceptible to self-destruction do not consider such actions shameful, but think that they are engaged in fair self-criticism . However, there are several good reasons that can bring people to this state.

Lack of positive attitude towards yourself

Some people receive an upbringing that condemns the expression of love for oneself or one's own body. This leaves a heavy imprint on the subconscious, forming a psychological disorder from an early age.

When such a person reaches adulthood and his life position is finally formed, the running mechanism of self-flagellation can only be stopped as a result of long-term treatment. These people, as a rule, are not happy at all; they experience cascades of depressive states , each time cutting off their path to relief.

Inability to believe in one's own psychological deviation

The first step towards eradicating your shortcomings is recognizing their existence. However, some people do not show the desire to fight their vices, but use the acquired knowledge for endless self-condemnation and self-flagellation. However, there are no rules prohibiting making accusations against oneself. This means that people who engage in self-criticism are most often convinced that they are right.

Lack of self-forgiveness

One way or another, all people make mistakes that they later regret. But time heals, and memory lets go of the bad, preserving the good, while everyone tries to fix everything to the best of their ability. People prone to self-flagellation often live in the past, continuing to punish themselves in the present, for mistakes that everyone has long forgotten about. This behavior creates the basis for making new mistakes, which are then punished with double cruelty.

Types of self-flagellation

The following types or degrees of self-critical personality are distinguished:

Soft . A person demonstratively scolds himself, but does not cause psychological damage. He says that he is a loser so that others will feel sorry for him. And he himself benefits from ostentatious self-flagellation. The reason for this behavior is a lack of sense of responsibility. People usually scold themselves for show so as not to be blamed. This is a way of abdicating responsibility, combined with self-doubt.
Tough . A person gnaws at himself because of an exaggerated sense of responsibility. This is no longer a demonstrative form, but this does not make it any less destructive, even more so.
Neurotic . In this case, self-flagellation becomes a common habit for a person, and only the slightest reason is enough. He no longer even notices how he does it.

Stages

At the weak stage of self-criticism, the individual does not particularly harm himself. He blames himself for all his sins, but deep down he dreams of hearing words of support and love. This stage of self-flagellation can be easily corrected, independently, without the help of a psychologist.

The strong stage of self-flagellation is characterized by the fact that a person loses positive feelings towards himself. He really only considers himself to blame for what is happening. Such people are distinguished by a high degree of responsibility, pedantry and scrupulousness, but these qualities do not help them in life.

What does the critical stage look like?

When experiencing a critical stage of self-criticism, a person does not see any positive aspects in his life. He is constantly tuned to negativity, because of this he suffers failure after failure. A state of nervous tension has a negative impact on health.

How does self-flagellation affect a person's personality?

Self-flagellation prevents a person from developing. We focus on the shortcomings when we need to think about how to improve the necessary areas of life.

Focusing on shortcomings is a negative focus.
Focusing on how to improve your life is a positive focus. And as you know, what we focus on is what we attract into our lives. We become more optimistic, which creates conditions for personal development and self-improvement. If we bite ourselves, life will become unbearable.

Many people mistakenly believe that self-criticism is the path to development. But this is not so, moderate self-criticism is the main thing in personality development. And self-criticism leads to the development of only psychosomatic and physiological diseases. Feel this edge!

Do self-criticism have any advantages?

Quality has its advantages, if you don’t subject yourself to self-flagellation constantly and harshly.

Within moderate limits, self-criticism teaches a person not to blame only those around him for problems, to do his job better, to analyze what is happening more carefully. And a reasonable response to failures and a thorough analysis of them helps to avoid mistakes in later life .

Do you think self-criticism can be useful? Do you have examples of how this quality helped in life? We will be glad if you share your experiences or life stories in the comments.

How to get rid of self-criticism?

Oh, it's not easy to get rid of self-criticism. However, like any other habit.

We don’t notice how we begin to eat ourselves from the inside. Therefore, the main task is to learn to notice and strictly suppress any attempts at self-destruction . After all, a person who engages in self-flagellation often does not notice how he begins to experience an inadequate feeling of guilt. And to discover that you are in such a state, you can ask yourself from time to time “if I’m biting myself.” After a while it will become a habit.
You can direct your thoughts in the opposite direction. Form the habit of comforting yourself no matter what happens . However, there is no need to go to extremes. Some people do nothing but console themselves, and this leads to inflated self-esteem and a “don’t give a fuck” view of the world.
The absence of excessive self-criticism is not an excuse for lack of will. You need to criticize yourself, but not emotionally (and ideally, with positive emotions) . Sometimes you can even shout at yourself, but within reasonable limits. But we will talk about this later.

Who teaches us this?

This type of self-blame occurs when there is a lack of compassion and kindness towards oneself. This often stems from painful childhood experiences. Harsh criticism from parents, teachers or peers can easily undermine a child's confidence and self-esteem, making him feel inadequate or insecure.

Growing up, he tries to avoid criticism by setting inflated criteria and standards for himself. He begins to think that he must achieve perfection and be better than others in order to deserve love and approval.

Why is it important to have a track record of achievement?

When we have already achieved something, self-criticism is more adequate and moderate. She doesn't have such extremes. But this is only possible if this achievement is significant to you. Sometimes people achieve a lot, but remain constantly dissatisfied with themselves. This suggests that they have not read this article and do not know how important it is to focus on improving their lives, rather than eliminating shortcomings.

For such individuals, everything they achieve is constantly not enough. Therefore, you need to start by counting the number of achievements. And what is important: their scale should not be taken into account at all. After some time, you will see that the number of successes will be in the tens, hundreds and even thousands. And everything will be in your hands. And if you are already seeing results, then you will begin to like what you do, and this will lead to faster growth in achievements.

Treatment options

You need to get rid of self-flagellation as soon as it is discovered. You can use different exercises for this. For example, on a piece of paper you need to write down all the negative consequences that appeared after self-criticism.

You can fight self-flagellation only if the person himself wants it. Then he writes down on paper what will happen to him in 15 years if self-abasement continues. After this, you need to write down what exactly will change after getting rid of the negative feeling.

Relaxation techniques will help you distract yourself from bad thoughts

Getting rid of self-flagellation can take several years. You cannot quickly change your way of thinking; this requires constant training. You can combat feelings of guilt by analyzing the situation.

A person needs to ask himself what he did at a certain moment, what it brought, and what actions needed to be taken. In severe cases, you need to work with a psychologist. Many specialists accept appointments remotely and are ready to keep in touch via instant messengers.

Thinking will have to be changed by force. Therefore, if negative thoughts appear, you need to immediately start thinking about something else. For example, about conjugating irregular English verbs or planning things.

Ridding your mind of negative attitudes is difficult. You can write down all significant actions in a notebook. Such a clear demonstration will ensure that a person will always have proof of his importance.

Self-flagellation occurs in insecure and sensitive people, who can perceive even advice in a negative sense. With this way of thinking, the quality of life deteriorates. Therefore, it is necessary to get rid of self-criticism.

Productive and unproductive self-criticism

At the same time, never mentally screaming at yourself is also harmful! Lack of self-criticism is also destructive. And here you need to know when to stop. Sometimes anger is useful, because nothing brings us to tone more than the emotions inherited from our smaller brothers in the process of evolution. Fear and anger are manifestations of two of the most important instincts for survival. One emotion is responsible for the “fight” response, and the other is responsible for the “flight” response. So, if you get angry, the fear will instantly go away, and vice versa. After all, you decided to “beat” all the difficulties on the way to your goal. And when the habit of fighting with difficulties reaches the point of automatism, then what kind of self-flagellation can we talk about?

A self-critical person is a person who is capable of achieving success. But if this quality is exaggerated, then it is no longer productive.

What a person calls willpower is anger directed in a constructive direction. He shouted at himself and took a few steps towards his goal. But here three conditions must be met for criticism to remain constructive:

It must precede the action, and not occur after it . That is, if you are afraid to approach a person to talk about some topic important to you, then you should tell yourself “come on, pull yourself together, you rag,” while you still have the opportunity. And if you criticize yourself after you haven’t done it, it will only lead to empty self-flagellation when it’s too late to change something.
Less shouting, more severity . There is no need to scold yourself with the last words. Just mentally say “I decided!” And to do this, you need to learn to manage emotions and improve emotional intelligence. Severity is also aggression, but expressed to a reasonable extent and at the right time. And self-flagellation is a complex of emotions and actions divorced from reality, and this is why it is dangerous.
Positive emotions after performing an action should cover the negativity that precedes the action . For example, if you didn’t want to achieve a goal, you were internally angry with yourself, started doing it and then got what you wanted, then joy will be many times greater than anger. And next time it will take less effort to get started. Verified.

Many people are interested in what “self-critical” means. This word is usually said in response to a person’s ostentatious self-flagellation or when he criticizes himself constructively. It all depends on the situation. That is, it is impossible to say whether the interlocutor is overly self-critical or everything is in moderation based on one phrase.

Unsuccessful in life. I engage in self-flagellation, negative thoughts

Thank you very much for such a detailed answer and the time you spent and the emotions you experienced - Well, you’re welcome, that’s why I’m on this site. ) Regarding the points:

1) I’m probably very stupid, but I don’t understand how you can find some kind of interest, and I don’t know at all what to do with it, how to meet people and communicate, etc., usually communication quickly stops because often there is nothing in common with people, but how to find something in common if I myself don’t have any hobbies in life and I’m very negative, it really kills me - Apparently, you previously had a context (for example, studying at an institute) within which you communicated with classmates. It was natural and its existence did not require any effort from you. Now the previous contexts no longer work. It's worth finding a new one. How to do this without spending money? — the cheapest way is the Internet and social networks, of course. However, the problem is in a slightly different way, if such a concept as “useful time”, which you mentioned in paragraph 1, invades your situation. B Finding such a context and satisfying your need for communication and new experiences is necessary in order to find the most an effective way to self-realize your talents.

Further, “but it seems to me that I’ve started having small panic attacks, for some reason I feel an immense fear for some time, my mood is very very bad, I don’t know, as if the level of endorphins in the blood is falling” - if these are panic attacks, then they are really small. Perhaps this is a good reason for you to test your skills in the field of self-hypnosis, especially since you have an interest in psychology. There are many techniques that work specifically with panic attacks - one of them is suggestion based on meditation. When the attack begins, inhale and count - one, then exhale - count two. So count to 10, and then close your eyes and imagine as clearly as possible the objects, people, interior that surround you. Visualize in every detail and hold the vision for a few seconds. The longer the better. You can combine imagining with holding your breath, and when you stop imagining, exhale. Do this a few times and you will feel better. And once you learn to control the process, the attack will no longer cause such fear and will disappear, just as it appeared.

There are many techniques - you can always look on the Internet, since these attacks are small, then using psychological techniques is the best thing. Master this skill and you will have a very rare tool that you can then use to benefit both yourself and others.

1. A) very often (especially in Moscow) - this requires finances, and I’m already trying to somehow minimize expenses, fortunately I have almost none at the moment, mainly except for food (I don’t even have to pay for the Internet because that it is not on the phone) - There are different strategies for personal finance, you chose a minimalist strategy - this is a worthy choice. But, in fact, you can find many contexts and reasons for communication or self-organization without them. There are even associations of people that, on the contrary, are all built on the poverty of their members. For example, self-help groups. However, this is not the problem that prevents you from getting some new impressions and experience.

1. B) I can’t afford to somehow relax and spend time on something interesting and pleasant because it’s a waste of time going nowhere (I just used to play a lot of games and lost a lot of time, although I liked it from time to time), and a waste of time nowhere compared to the same work, to my regret (I already had experience), between “taking a walk” and “doing some work”. If there is work, I will choose the second, especially if the person is not the one with whom I would like to spend time. Although after this “work” began to depress me, I was completely lost. - there is something interesting here. “Wasting time for nothing” - this phrase that you used speaks about one important message that you have in your unconscious - it’s something like “Do it faster” “Don’t rest.” Perhaps you got it from school or family or someone else. It may be the result of some past stressful event. This message may have been beneficial to you as long as you learned and with its help you forced yourself to do more. But now a small problem arises with it - this concept of “nowhere” without a lack of context and purpose becomes very vague. What is a good use of time? — How to determine benefit if there is no goal? How can you create a goal for yourself if you don’t allow yourself to gain new experiences? Everything is interconnected here - and one of the possible approaches is to consider your personality as a project that you are engaged in. Gaining new experiences and relaxation is an integral part of life, which most influences planning and goal development. If you can’t do this spontaneously, you can try using the term from the message - i.e. time. Set aside 1 day a week during which you look for, for example, a circle of interests. It will feel weird at first, but over time you will get the hang of it. The most important thing is this - new experiences, relaxation, communication, exploring what you like - this is not a time to go nowhere, this is a very important part of life that will allow you to form suitable and interesting goals for yourself and find ways to achieve them.

1. Often, at the slightest thought about some of my “WANTS,” I immediately cut everything off at the root, I don’t know why, perhaps because I think that I’m not worthy of it and I won’t succeed and everything will be wasted. - It seems that you prohibit wasting time on your desires. Spontaneity - and satisfying your desires - is very important - otherwise it is difficult to understand exactly what goals to set for yourself.

In general, in short, I don’t know how to find some useful, interesting, free hobby that I can spend time on and somehow spend these moments with another person, it seems to me that it’s hard to find people, so now I’m plagued by loneliness, completely asocial. That. - just by the way you write harmoniously - you are exaggerating somewhat. My guess is that it is not a minimalist financial strategy that is preventing you from finding a social circle, but rather a very harsh unconscious message. Try to shake it up a little - set aside a day for yourself to search for a free group on social networks, websites, forums or create your own blog and tell yourself that there is an important benefit in this - for example, you need new experiences to develop further goals. And leave the whole day for this - I think you will be able to find something interesting.

2. No, I don’t have any unrealistic expectations from the amount of earnings, given that I don’t have any special needs (too minimalist), but it’s very depressing that I can’t somehow earn money every day without “being completely killed” (in terms of effort ) I don’t quite know why I need money, but society has, to some extent, imposed that it is very necessary, and for myself I would like to reach a certain amount and live, for example, on interest, conditionally doing nothing (not working for money), I’ve recently developed little interest in any general types of investing, but again I’m scared of losing everything, going into the red, and sometimes you count these service commissions from brokers, and after deducting everything, it turns out to be the same as a bank deposit, and you’ll waste a lot of nerves and time . . . I can’t think long-term, that is, some kind of investments and so on for 5-10 years, Because I think that I don’t have that much time, I live here and now (and in the very near future for a couple of months, for example) - I understand, You have decided that money is such a value that spending time to obtain it is important, but why it is important is a little unclear. Your desire to make money work for you, you receive interest and not kill yourself - this seems to be just an unconscious desire to take a little break and look around, to understand what you want next. Now your situation is structured in such a way that if, relatively speaking, the issue of money is “resolved”, your message will allow you to satisfy your desires. But the conflict is that a person cannot realize himself and also receive income for it without knowing what a person is good at and what he wants. And just for this you need to spend a little time on yourself.

Yes, many people in my field have success and decent earnings, it’s incredibly depressing that I can’t be at the same level for several reasons:

1) I don't know how to do this

2) again, I’m afraid that nothing will work out and I’ll lose time, nerves and (most importantly for me) money. . . Do you compare yourself with others or does someone provoke you to do this (maybe from your relatives)? Do you often communicate with other people in your professional field and they brag about their income? As for the fact that you don’t know how to do this, I can suggest one thing. You should not compete with other people in terms of income or any other parameters, unless this comparison motivates you to do some kind of activity. If there is only one negative from comparison, might it be better to refrain from such contacts?

“And yes, I don’t have huge needs, but I often read articles everywhere and I constantly come across information that people spend 30-50 thousand a month in Moscow just on food, and you have to earn there generally at least 100 thousand, what if a man earns 50 thousand - then no one will choose him because he is a beggar and all this gets into his head. . . But the bottom line is that I’m not making any money now and it’s very depressing. . . I don’t have any skills, I’m absolutely useless in this life” - To begin with, you definitely have the talent to express your thoughts in writing correctly, you can already get a job as a copywriter. ) - If you mean the media, then this information has a manipulative purpose (I think you know this very well) - to slightly motivate a feeling of dissatisfaction and a desire for more - this is one of those tricks that modern societies resort to. This happens because a person does not actually need to spend or earn that much to live. However, social hierarchies (such as states or corporations), using various tools, try to convince people of the opposite, since this will increase the country’s GDP. You can forgive them for such manipulation - their goal is to motivate you to do some kind of activity. But you don’t give in; the opposite effect is also a plus, so it’s important for you to remember that most of the information in the media (and on the Internet, by the way) regarding consumption and earnings is most likely a small manipulation. (often people unconsciously broadcast these things - because someone also conveyed similar messages to them)

3) no, I don’t have a gradually negative view of things, I have absolutely everything in black tones, I always see only bad things, only bad things happen, as if the aura is somehow bad or I’m cursed, a loser (I often catch myself thinking about these thoughts), luck mine is lower than most people (stupid example, even if I bet everything on one color in a casino, my probability of winning will be much less than that of others), where I am, it’s bad, where I’m not, it’s good. . . I can’t think about anything good and switch myself over (although I tried), because something even MORE BAD happens right away, and again I’m all in pessimism, and there’s no reason to think about good things because nothing good happens. - Well, if you really had worse luck than most people, you would have been born with a congenital fatal disease - like lymphoma - and would not have lived to see your age. But this did not happen - which means we can already say that luck is not much worse than that of others. But if you are really worried about this issue, then try to switch yourself to something neutral. For example, try to focus on your feelings, on what surrounds you, on physiological processes. Heartbeat, breathing. Try simple forms of meditation. Steve Jobs, by the way, was also a famous practitioner of Zen meditation. Before switching your attention from negative to positive and vice versa at will, you should learn to simply switch your attention to different things. And this is a very useful and important skill.

“Now and then, lately, it’s even hard to get to the store. . . You have to really tune yourself up or suddenly cut off all the laziness for this, even wash the plate and other such small things, but you don’t want to do anything separately for “work” - I want to send everyone everything and that’s it, about finding myself, I just don’t know where to start to everything was successful. . . “I don’t think success is important in this matter. How to define “success” here, all personalities are so different that you can’t even say what success is. What is more important here is the process itself - try to start by allocating a little time specifically for this, you can combine it with the previous points about allocating time to find a social circle.

“Breaking up with a girl has nothing to do with finances, absolutely, there is a whole mountain of other reasons” - Ok. If you think that discussing these reasons can help in your situation, then you can write.

4) for some reason I have a small idea of what I would like, and what (if successful) would unrealistically raise my self-esteem and bring me back “to life”: this is the creation of investment projects or my own blog to make money, but again, these are financial risks, because all of this, First of all, is the cost of advertising, and given the fact that (woe from my mind), I see negativity everywhere all the time, that people are losing money, What’s bad is that advertising doesn’t work, that they are in minus by so much. . . This scares me away and strengthens the belief that I won’t succeed and I will lose money, just if this happens, it will kill me very morally, it’s not that I won’t have money, I already started saving for a financial cushion quite a long time ago , and if we take into account that I have few needs, I will have a means of subsistence, but the very fact that it didn’t work out for me was unlucky, I wasted my time, nerves, and money (And if I hadn’t done this, it would have been better... Were lost money and so on), although I honestly really want this for at least more than a year. . . I just don’t know who to turn to for help in order to somehow minimize the risks (if this is even possible), it’s just the fact that it’s not profitable for people to create competition, so they won’t say how they achieved it and how they get what they do, but For some reason I don’t know or I’m stupid or something else, I don’t understand how they did it, I can’t analyze it properly. “I don’t think it’s a matter of intellectual abilities.” But the lack of experience due to the fact that your message that you shouldn’t waste time in nowhere does not allow you to take the first step and try something - this is quite possible. I don't know much about investing, but I can try to shift my perspective a little to the positive side. This is just an example, and not as a guide to action: Why not just make a blog without monetizing the content for now? — and let’s cheat a little and choose as a topic not just earnings on investment projects, but our own training in this process. After all, there are probably a lot of people who would like to enter this area, but they, like you, are scared off by the somewhat closed nature of the community. And in this regard, you will appear to them as a newcomer, like them themselves - and therefore as a person worthy of trust. This will be an interesting advantage. And this format will allow you to chat a little on topics that interest you. And connections will appear there, and confidence and experience will arise. As for advertising, you can always just flood in the comments of some famous blogger under a post - in most cases it helps and is free. Well, advertising itself on various services like Google is not too expensive, you can spend 300 rubles in total there. But again, this is just a small example of how you can change the perspective on this situation a little.

“As for psychology, yes, this is incredibly interesting to me, especially teenage psychology and the psychology of relationships, several years ago I had a goal to rid the girls with whom I communicate of complexes, and in no way accidentally instruct some new ones, or help people, how you are trying to help, this is very interesting to me, really, I would also really like this, at one time I read a bunch of all kinds of articles on psychological topics, I was incredibly fascinated by it, I would like to bring people back to life (since I can’t do it myself)” - This is wonderful that you are interested in this area! I think you should definitely try a few of the techniques mentioned above. Almost all people who are successful by modern standards have in one way or another worked on their mental processes, practiced various techniques of self-hypnosis, meditation, and much more. Some people simply don’t talk about it. Whatever you decide to do, learning skills that will help you control your conditions is always a winning idea. And I don’t think that you “can’t get yourself back” - rather, you haven’t tried. They didn’t try because they believed that the first step on the path to such a return was wasting time in “nowhere.”

I don’t know what else to add to everything yet, there are too many thoughts constantly in my head, sorry for the large texts - Write everything that you consider necessary for yourself. I will answer as best I can.

On the connection between pessimism and self-flagellation

Self-flagellation is a direct consequence of pessimism. When we see everything in black tones, we don’t see the light, we find sad thoughts, and we really want to blame ourselves for the fact that the world is exactly like this. Pessimists love to search for those to blame for all their troubles. This leads to difficulties in interacting with others. Every self-critical person can become successful only if she compares her own feelings with reality.

When a person blames himself, he often burdens others with his problems. And all negative emotions are necessarily transferred to other people. They read them automatically, and therefore the relationship also deteriorates. Most people do not like to experience negative emotions, they are simply afraid of them.

What can constant self-flagellation lead to?

There are many outcomes of this destructive thinking and behavior:

Self-criticism excludes feelings of joy, delight, happiness, so the individual is in endless sadness and anxiety.
It takes away vitality, energy, the opportunity to rest and relax.
There is a feeling of hopelessness and weakness that interferes with the process of self-realization.
Eliminates the rationality of human thoughts and actions.
The individual does not pay due attention to himself in a positive aspect, and ceases to consider himself worthy of what he strived for.
A psychologically unstable individual quickly falls into the “clutches” of toxic people who are looking for benefits purely for themselves.

This is what it means to engage in self-flagellation. This is living with the consequences described and driving yourself into a corner.

Recommended articles on this topic:
Manipulation, worship and narcissism: how to live with a narcissistic man?
Phrases for dating that will make a man ask you out on a date
Training, psychologist or psychic: where to go when everything is difficult?

Artificial Thought Flow Technique

A great way to direct your thoughts in the right direction is to create an artificial mental flow. Simply put, start talking to yourself. Stop, you say. This is crazy. No. You can talk to yourself. And thinking is always expressed in speech. The only exception is visual-figurative thinking, characteristic of infancy. In all other age groups, all thoughts are expressed in speech.

So, if you know how to speak, it means you can direct your thoughts in the right direction. Self-flagellation already implies a dialogue with the unloved one. Just change the subject of the conversation, talk about how good everything is, and everything will become much better. Thinking positively can be daunting at first. This is fine. You are used to a bad way of thinking, and it is not easy to change it. But if you think positively for 21 days, a habit will form, and it will be easier in the future.

What is an inferiority complex?

An inferiority complex is the feeling that you are much worse off than everyone around you and that you will never achieve anything. Always in constant stress and anxiety. Other people's comments are taken very seriously.

It is formed on the basis of an appearance defect: real or contrived. Due to specific qualities or living conditions (for example, low salary). Low self-esteem, as a rule, is always characteristic. It is she who does not give the opportunity to change something in her life.

The independence complex can manifest itself as oppression and a constant feeling of anxiety. Depressive disorder may develop. Self-flagellation is another possible manifestation.

Take the self-esteem test

Learn from the professionals

Find helpers in achieving your goals. The ideal way to become more cheerful and confident is to find a professional who can support and coach you. He will help you achieve any goal and accidentally indicate success. It’s one thing to see achievements yourself, and another thing to have someone point them out to you. And if this is also an expert in your field, then self-esteem soars through the roof. What kind of self-flagellation can we talk about when you are praised by a professional whom you trust?

Have you started learning from an expert, but he scolds you? You made a mistake, no big deal. It's just not an expert. Look for someone else. Not everyone can support and teach at the same time. Look for just such a specialist.

Shia Islam[edit]

Zanjeerzani in Iran

Much of the Twelver Shia Islamic community tries to imitate Imam Hussein through self-flagellation, just as Christians tried to imitate Jesus Christ. This is demonstrated through the public performance of swear words. The Shiite equivalent of the Christian flagelant was called matamdar. This matam ritual is intended to affirm faith and relationships by creating deep bonds between participants through their shared religious devotion. Despite the violent nature of this ritual, the love and vulnerability associated with it make it a fundamentally positive and affirming ritual act. [19] Many Shia communities around the world hold large parades each year on the Day of Ashura during the mourning period of Muharram to commemorate the Battle of Karbala and the martyrdom of Imam Hussein. During these parades, devotees beat their chests or cut themselves with blades on chains called zanjerzani. Although rare, some Shia communities hit their backs with chains and sharp objects such as knives. It occurs in many countries including India, Pakistan, Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran, Saudi Arabia, Lebanon, United States, [20] and Australia.

Self-flagellation is as controversial in Islam as it is in Christianity. There was a case in Manchester, UK, where a Shia family forced their children to self-flagellate, condemning the entire practice. Muslims responded that forcing their children to do this is wrong, but the practice, when done by a consenting adult, should not be condemned as it is important to their faith. [21] However, many Shia leaders understand that this practice, although only performed during Ashura, is another thing that can worsen the world's perception of Muslims. Some leaders recommended donating blood instead of self-flagellation to shed blood in memory of Hussein's sacrifice. [22]

Connect conductors and semiconductors along the way

Experts who professionally deal with your achievements are called coaches, trainers, teachers. These are guides on the path to success. The more of these people you connect, the higher your self-esteem will be over time. As a result, you will begin to bite yourself less and console yourself more.

There is another category of people who will help you understand how not to engage in self-criticism. These are "semiconductors". They will support you in any endeavor, will not pick your brain, and will not criticize you for the slightest mistake. A semiconductor is every optimist you know. Be sure to build good relationships with such people.

Thank you for reading this article to the end.

Hello, my name is Yaroslav Samoilov. I am an expert in the psychology of relationships and over the years of practice I have helped more than 10,000 girls meet worthy soul mates, build harmonious relationships and return love and understanding to families that were on the verge of divorce.

More than anything, I am inspired by the happy eyes of students who meet the people of their dreams and enjoy a truly vibrant life.

My goal is to show women a way to develop relationships that will help them create a synergy of success and happiness!

Where to start fighting the habit

Remember that all templates and certain standards are just norms of behavior invented by someone . Stop listening to every public opinion, don’t engage in self-flagellation, everything should be in moderation. It's one thing to listen to your boss's opinion about work. Another is the glances and urgings of others regarding your appearance, clothing style, hairstyle, choice of films, music, etc. You should not pay attention to them. This is purely your personal matter.

Don’t kill your individuality , be different from everyone else, don’t adapt to anyone, become a full-fledged person with your own views on life. Love and accept yourself for who you are, appreciate and respect all your qualities. If you find traits in yourself that you think need adjusting, do it!

Often people are very receptive to the words of even random passers-by; casual phrases offend so much that a person begins to look for and develop these, as it seems to him, shortcomings in himself. Third-party criticism allows us to identify unique “painful points” in a person’s life. Pay attention to them. If an individual accepts and loves himself for who he is, no comments from random passers-by or enemies will make him doubt himself. Internally, a person feels like a completely harmonious person. He fully corresponds to his internal patterns.

But do not confuse self-flagellation with an honest and fair approach to yourself , allow yourself to make mistakes, in the future you will act more confidently.