Anger is a strong, destructive emotion that is thought to be caused by extreme distress or pain. Anger is a normal human reaction that can range from mild irritation to real rage. This emotion destroys a person from the inside. This feeling is the result of expressing some kind of dissatisfaction: one’s expectations, desires or actions. The main problem lies in the fact that dissatisfaction tends to accumulate. And when dissatisfaction reaches large volumes, it turns into aggressiveness and breaks out with destructive force.
Anger is classified as a negative function, but it also performs a protective function. Anger is cheerfulness with a negative sign, since it is one of the few feelings that takes energy out of thin air and creates goals. All people experience anger, but sometimes they prefer not to notice it, suppressing it, and then relationships with loved ones turn into insipid ones, since it is difficult to show positive emotions due to hidden anger.
Anger reasons
The cause may be various diseases. Chronic anger has been linked to high blood pressure, skin conditions, headaches, and digestive problems. At the same time, this emotion is associated with some personal problems: crimes, deviant behavior, physical or emotional attacks, expression of aggression.
Many actions are committed out of anger, which people later regret. One of the reasons people suppress anger is fear of rejection. If a person is angry, then the likelihood that he will be rejected by those people towards whom the emotion is directed increases. And this fear of rejection very often appears stronger for a person than any other fear.
What role does anger play?
The feeling of anger is a very powerful type of energy that arises in response to an invasion of personal territory from the outside. This is exactly the feeling that helps you find the strength and correctly determine the moment to convincingly say: don’t yell at me, put my thing in its place; take your hands off me; do not encroach on my time; I myself know what to do, etc.
Thus, generating anger helps protect oneself. And with its help, you can learn to be more attentive and caring towards yourself, because it points us to our needs and feelings, as it appears when they are grossly violated or not noticed.
Each of us has an understanding of the boundaries of our body, our inner, mental space. Some people feel their boundaries better, others worse. Often the impulse of healthy, protective anger is missed because the understanding of one’s boundaries is impaired, their violation is not realized, and pathology is perceived as the norm. In the lives of such people, there are often relationships of fusion and suppression (when personal boundaries stick together; it is not recognized where my feelings and desires are, and where others are, “I” is perceived as a continuation of another person, one’s own content is devalued or not noticed), psychological or physical violence , humiliation, feeling like a victim (of circumstances or an aggressor).
Awareness of the feeling of anger and the right to live and express it often comes with the building of healthy personal boundaries, with the revision of existing broken relationships, with the determination of the norms of relationships to obtain internal comfort. (Many victims of violence perceive this attitude towards themselves as the norm due to the lack of experience of normal relationships).
Anger becomes good or bad after we evaluate the meaning of this feeling. Since childhood, we have been taught to think that being angry is bad and dangerous. And then, calling this feeling bad and forbidding ourselves to live it, we put a label on it, put a border around it, narrow it, forbid us to experience it and live it, so we hide it, repress it. This is how split-off parts of the personality are formed, not accepted, rejected, which form the so-called Shadow part of the personality, into which other “unclaimed” feelings, emotions and traits are placed. Containing split-off emotions and feelings takes a colossal amount of mental energy, so there is often a lack of energy for other life needs.
But how else can a person protect himself without feeling angry? In this case, we can say that in some cases it carries a positive charge of energy, gives strength for active action, allows you to overcome difficulties, and achieve something. Those. when we remove the label of negative perception when anger arises, it becomes simply energy that we can use for the necessary things in our lives, from protecting and upholding our interests to self-realization and creativity.
Hidden anger
Stress or depression can be the cause of hidden anger. Anger, invading thoughts, can destroy relationships, as well as human behavior, creating physical problems. One of the reasons for suicide is considered to be hidden anger that a person does not know how to express. Negative situations are repeated and, accumulating, anger is directed at oneself. Therefore, one of the forms of channeling anger is suicidal behavior. Boredom, sadness, melancholy are symptoms of hidden anger, for example, instead of stopping an annoying opponent, people choose silent listening.
Don't confuse anger and hatred. They are not the same thing, although they have the same origins. Hatred, being an acute feeling of strong disgust, as well as hostility, expresses an aggressive and negative attitude towards something or someone.
Precautions when dealing with anger
If anger is one of the emotions that you cannot control, and its expression has negative consequences, you may need to take special precautions.
It is important that you are able to calibrate your anger so that it is an ongoing process and not something that is either on or off. You need to recognize anger when it first arises and have the tools to control it. You need to be able to control its volume, using techniques of switching attention, breathing exercises or short breaks in order to interrupt the unwanted increase in tension.
You might consider taking an anger management course or working with a therapist if you find yourself unable to control your anger, or unable to even touch it.
Anger and resentment
Human relationships are always filled with different feelings, and anger is no exception. Each person chooses for himself what to do with his negative emotion: suppress aggression, be angry with himself or make claims.
Very often, when a person cannot allow anger to be thrown out, he develops resentment, which is understood as a strong negative emotion caused by experiences.
The cause of resentment is the futility of waiting, lack of praise for work and diligence, a conflict situation, discrepancy of opinions, unfounded slander or feedback. Another reason for resentment may be people’s desire to manipulate a person. For example, if I am offended, it means you are to blame and I am right. This behavior is explained by the desire to excel over other people.
What is anger?
What is anger? It is a strong feeling of unsatisfactoriness and irritability that is caused by resentment. They are aimed at a specific action or person. His faithful companions are anger and irritation. It manifests itself at the level of physiology and emotions. Under the influence of adrenaline, which is released at the same time, the way of expressing thoughts and behavior patterns changes. Aggression is provoked, and the person does not think about the consequences of his actions. He instinctively directs the entire volume of destructive energy towards the provocateur. We submit to anger when we cannot control ourselves or in a situation of oversaturation with negativity accumulated over some time.
Woman's anger
Very often, a woman is subject to stress and overwork at work, rudeness on the street, and family troubles at home, and as a result, a very minor irritant can easily lead to an attack of anger, and the woman will easily lash out at her loved ones, in particular her child. And if a woman’s hormonal levels are not yet in order, then it’s not far from attacks of aggression.
How to let go of anger? First of all, it is necessary to normalize hormonal levels. Hormones play an important role in the life of any person, especially women. Violation of the level of hormones in the female body leads to a bad mood, dissatisfaction, weakness, weight gain, fatigue and, ultimately, anger.
There are also external signs due to disturbances in the woman’s hormone levels. This is dullness, brittle hair; dry and flaky skin, brittle nails, menstrual irregularities, gastrointestinal dysfunction, decreased intelligence and memory. A woman during such a period is marked by irritability and depression.
If you notice all of the listed signs in yourself, then in order to let go of anger, you should normalize your hormonal levels. Disturbances in hormone levels are determined after certain tests are performed. If necessary, an endocrinologist prescribes medications that normalize a woman’s hormonal levels. This process is accelerated by the following actions: proper nutrition, adherence to a daily routine, staying in the fresh air, mandatory physical activity, eliminating bad habits. Be sure to include seafood, fruits (persimmons, bananas), garlic, eggplant, and spinach in your diet. Eat enough animal protein, don’t forget about oil (olive, flaxseed, sesame).
To produce serotonin, you need to eat cheese, dark chocolate, beans, eggs, lentils, and tomatoes. Make it a rule that raw vegetables and fruits should always be in your diet. Adequate rest at night is required, and moderate physical activity (yoga, running, swimming, fitness, dancing) is required during the day. Reduce your coffee intake and avoid alcohol altogether. With your therapist, select the multivitamins and microelements you need.
Constant anger and irritation can be relieved by listening to meditations. According to adherents, regular exercises balance the psyche, relieve tension, aggression and attacks of anger. If irritation does not occur due to a disease, then it is possible to cope with this condition by avoiding contact with the irritating object, as well as eliminating irritants. An integrated approach will definitely help control a woman’s emotionality.
Exploring Your Anger: A Journal Exercise
This is the first part of the sentence, and you need to complete it with what comes to mind. You need to answer quickly so as not to have time to subject yourself to censorship. I recommend that you complete this sentence at least ten times (the longer the list, the more effective the exercise will be) and concentrate your thoughts on the mother:
I'm angry because...
After you've finished, read all your answers and notice how you feel. If you want to record something freestyle, now is the right time. I also encourage you to think about one more question:
Underneath the layer of anger I feel...
Finish this sentence at least ten times as well. You can also make a list of things you haven't forgiven your mother for.
reasons for anger Why do anger and its causes concern many people? Firstly, today those interested in psychology know the extent to which repressed anger is dangerous. Secondly, they understand that by realizing the reasons for anger, one can weaken a strong energetic feeling. Anger has different faces depending on the strength of its manifestation: mild irritation, irritation, dissatisfaction, annoyance, anger, indignation, rage, rage. There is a lot of anger in aggression. The difference is that anger is an emotion, and aggression is an action. Anger is a strong emotion, assessed in society as negative and dangerous. You can hear a question with an intonation of reproach: “Why be angry?”, as if a person has a choice of emotions. At the level of the body, feelings arise involuntarily; their birth cannot be controlled. Anger has a right to exist, like any other human emotion.
Anger is a natural human emotion; taken alone, it is not “right” or “wrong.” It exists in the spectrum of human feelings. Its existence is a given. Anger becomes good or bad when a person gives an assessment. Most likely, many are afraid of anger, because when introduced into an aggressive action, it promotes violence, can cause material damage, and behind it lies the threat of attack. In addition, in families, from an early age, children are explained that anger is a bad feeling, a person who feels anger is bad, evil. The negative meaning is clearly visible. Anger receives a label and begins to live in the mind as shrouded in negativity. A person tries to hide it because being evil is bad. This is how anger is rejected, repressed, suppressed. However, it does not disappear; already suppressed anger lives in a person.
A person can feel anger, which most often flares up in interpersonal relationships in which there is a contradiction, a confrontation between the parties.
What are the causes of anger?
First of all, with the help of anger, a person protects himself, his space, psychological boundaries when he defends personal interests:
- don't push me
- don't take my mobile phone,
- put the bag back,
- stop advising me,
- I myself know what to do in this situation.
Sound familiar?
The appearance of a person feeling angry also demonstrates defense. The facial expression is frowning, threatening, the skin on the face turns red or pale, the fingers are clenched into fists, the person is preparing for defense, defense, the lips are tightly compressed, the eyes are sometimes widened and shiny, the body is tense, as the muscles are ready for one of the reactions - to attack or run, the gaze is directed at the object of anger.
The most common cause of anger is the unsatisfaction of a currently important need, or the emergence of an insurmountable obstacle on the way to achieving a goal.
- I went on vacation, and on the third day my boss called and asked for urgent help with the report.
- I wanted to go to bed early, my relatives called to chat.
- I wanted to write an article, but I had to hem trousers that my son urgently needed. There are similar situations in the life of every sea. In each situation, the disorder of the original plan, the dissatisfaction of a strong need is clearly visible:
1) wanted to relax, be away from work
2) wanted to sleep
3) wanted to write an article
An obstacle that prevents you from satisfying an initial need is a frustrator. This is why anger is a frustrating emotion. And here's what's interesting. Different people may be angry in the examples given with different strengths, or they may not be angry at all, that is, for them such situations are neutral. This is due to the fact that each of us is unique, has different emotional excitability, depth of satisfaction, and level of aspirations. There are two more in the list of human feelings, the expression of which is associated with the satisfaction/dissatisfaction of needs: joy and suffering.
In interpersonal relationships, the causes of anger are different. If desired, they can be tracked through dialogues conducted by friends or social network users: acquaintances, colleagues, friends. It happens that in a dialogue the first few remarks are quite peaceful, polite, acceptable in intonation and words. Then the dialogue develops in an irritated tone, followed by threats, and the conversation continues in a raised voice. And this is no coincidence. During the discussion, a trigger element appears that causes irritation or anger in the interlocutor. By the way, this is also typical for real dialogues, of which there are hundreds of thousands.
What might cause an angry response? Unsolicited advice, harsh criticism, vulgar words and insults, reproaches, evaluation of behavior and labeling, “jabs,” irony, accusations, sarcasm.
By the way, I will name feelings and emotions in which anger is represented to varying degrees. I wrote down two of them above: irony - bitter mockery when a person is sarcastic, sarcasm - the highest degree of irony, cynicism, disappointment - dissatisfaction that the expected does not happen, envy, frustration - dissatisfaction due to some failure, jealousy, anger - insincere dissatisfaction with an admixture of fear, shame, resentment - anger directed at oneself, when a person is afraid to show his anger to another, perhaps he is afraid of rejection or a malicious verbal attack from his opponent, so he is offended, turning anger on himself, hanging a feeling of guilt for his condition to another. Sometimes anxiety is hidden behind anger, that is, anger is secondary, and anxiety is primary. Anxiety is a painful feeling, the cause of which is difficult to identify; a person is worried and does not know why. He cannot know the cause of anxiety, cannot control the appearance of anxiety, and therefore becomes angry and can experience varying degrees of anger - from mild irritation to anger. Part of anger is contempt, disgust, hatred, woundedness, bitterness, hatred.
The cause of anger is excessive demands on others. Let me remind you about perfectionism, when a perfectionist makes excessive demands on another, expecting something ideal from him. If a person doesn’t perform, a perfectionist can get angry.
The cause of anger is dependence, codependency, when someone in a couple remains silent when insulted and is afraid to demonstrate their own anger for fear of rejection, loneliness, or something else.
Another reason for anger is an unhealthy “yes.” For example, a husband asks his wife to do something, she answers “yes,” although she does not want or like to fulfill the request. Then she becomes indignant (anger outside), takes offense (anger at herself). It is much easier to find convincing words for a polite refusal or explanation.
The reason for getting angry may be related to the desire to control. Is it possible to control everything? I wrote above that you cannot control the birth of emotions using the example of anxiety and anger. Another person and many things in life also cannot be controlled. And when something gets out of the controller's control, he gets angry.
And some more reasons for anger: 1. A person can get angry when defending psychological boundaries when someone takes away time, for example. 2 . There are also those who are simply used to being angry. 3 . Powerlessness can give rise to anger, the inability to do as planned. 4 . Also stubbornness and the desire to prove you are right.
If you want to add something about anger and its causes, write in the comments. If anyone is wondering how to deal with anger on your own.
Despite the numerous reasons for anger, irritation, and anger, these feelings have a positive side. If a person expresses anger, for example, raises his voice, he indirectly influences the behavior of another, makes him understand that he should not behave this way, at least with him.
See you in new articles on the psychologist’s blog!
You can make an appointment for a consultation with the author of the article on the website page, make an appointment with a psychologist, or write a WhatsApp message to the phone number indicated in the signature.
Psychologist, online consultant Galina Gorbunova
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How to fix this as an adult?
Childhood is that period of life in which our aspirations, desires, and impulses are cut off. If we take the metaphor of a garden, then someone’s gardener parents take away something, plant something in general, leaving a natural appearance. But some parents, gardeners, create shapes: a cone, a square. It's unnatural, but it can be very beautiful and original. These figures are created by rigid pruning and controlling the growth process. If you leave a "square" tree unattended for a couple of seasons, it will gradually return to its shape.
Why do parents do this, and what happens normally? Often parents cannot cope with the emotional burden, and the simplest thing they can do is suppress the child, forbidding him to be himself. Normally, if a parent has enough resources, he will not react emotionally to the child’s anger. At the same time, he will explain to him what is going wrong, what can be done and how to react or express his feelings. In reality, things often happen differently.
I can’t say that in our society no one gets angry. On the contrary, but even if a person allows himself to do this, he wraps it in a beautiful wrapper of goodwill. At the same time, everyone around him, especially the younger ones, is forbidden to do this. A person receives a double message: others can be angry, but my anger is something shameful and reprehensible.
Do you want your wish to come true? We invite you to a transformational psychological game that will make your dreams come true!
What does the emotion of anger look like - physical effects
It has been scientifically established that when a person experiences anger, his body begins to produce more of the hormone adrenaline. The sympathetic nervous system is in increased tone.
Blood sugar also begins to be produced faster, which causes the liver to work harder.
Individually, people may experience temporary changes in the functioning of some internal organs. This usually depends on the general condition of the body.
Visually, a person in anger looks like:
- tense facial muscles;
- the body involuntarily stretches;
- teeth and fists clenched;
- blood suddenly rushes to the face;
- cheeks begin to “burn” and tingle;
- the mind is difficult to control (often there is no control at all).
Improves psychological state
Anger can be a defensive reaction that masks other emotions, such as fear. This usually refers to outbursts of uncontrollable rage. Therefore, we need to fight not with them, but with their cause. The rage itself should be perceived as a signal to search for deeper problems.
In other cases, anger, on the contrary, is suppressed. For example, when it seems unacceptable to a person to be angry with parents or loved ones.
Instead of directing anger at its source, he spends a lot of energy on taming emotions, or even completely redirects aggression towards himself.
Of course, taking out aggression on loved ones is not always right. But nothing prevents you from screaming alone, hitting a punching bag, or getting rid of your rage in some other peaceful way.
When anger is not controlled, it destroys everything around. When it is used wisely, it begins to be useful. Accept your anger and learn to manage it, then you will know what great power it can give you.
Create distance
What about when you just can't forgive someone? Does this mean that all your life you will remember the details of a quarrel or an ugly act and fan the fire of hatred inside? Not at all necessary.
The depth and strength of your emotional reaction to a particular person depends on how closely you accept everything. When you are angry, you constantly replay in your head the time when you were offended. This is a kind of mental chewing gum.
Try to distance yourself from this situation. When it comes to mind again, imagine that it happened to one of your friends, and not to you. As a result, you will be able to look at the current circumstances more abstractly. You will move away from disturbing details, which will help you calm down and defeat the conflict in your head.
