Why do girls like "bad" guys? ⇒ Blog of Yaroslav Samoilov

A decent man will definitely call if he is suddenly late at work. Reliable will always do what he promises. A caring person will run a bath in the evening and bring coffee to bed in the morning. A lover... can become boring with his love worse than a bitter radish. It’s another matter of brutal men who are always late and cheat, don’t miss a single skirt and work who knows where. Despite all their shortcomings, they are beautiful! Why do girls like bad boys? This is a great secret, but let’s try to lift the veil over it.
From this article you will learn:

Who are the "bad guys"
What features do they have?
Why do girls like "bad" guys?
Why don't they like nice guys?
How to build relationships with “bad” guys
What are some really bad guys you shouldn't deal with?

Who are the "bad guys"

Positive guys were excellent students at school or, at worst, good students. They received a higher education, got a prestigious job and plan to achieve a lot in life, if they have not already achieved it. Girls are not at all against marrying such people. Only these girls like bad guys - imperturbable machos who collect broken hearts, who can smile mysteriously and squint contemptuously in response to the simplest questions.

Yaroslav Samoilov says:

relationship psychology expert. Helps women start living the life they want, or even the life they are afraid to even dream about.

Who are the "bad guys"?
experiences a lot of female attention;
convinced of his class;
it is much easier to fall in love than with a normal person;
he is fun, interesting, bright. At first;)
“Darling, how should you achieve your goals…” “What do you mean? Love me for who I am. I'm cool ;)
your girlfriends admire that you have such a handsome man;)
mutual torment of brains. But it's cool ;)

The attitude of others towards such people is complex: they are simultaneously despised and feared. But the female sex is crazy about “bad guys”. Why? Scientists from the University of British Columbia conducted a study that found that women are not very interested in happy and smiling men. They prefer proud guys with a guilty look. But representatives of the stronger half of humanity prefer smiling and cheerful girls. So why do girls like bad boys? The point here is in certain character traits of the “bad guys”:

Bad guys are fantastically impulsive.
Women are attracted to the unpredictability of partners and the associated adrenaline rush in the blood. Did you have a fight? Who knows if the bad guy will return in five minutes or disappear forever? And if he comes back, what will he do: apologize, kiss, caress, or hit him on the head? Good boys are predictable in this regard, which is boring. Russian roulette is much more exciting. Among women, the opinion has long been established that all men are bastards. But the bastard they are, the more interesting it is. A good guy is a mandatory period of bouquets and candy and getting to know the parents. A bad guy doesn’t need this; it costs him nothing to kiss a girl five seconds after meeting her and grab her hand if the lady suddenly tries to slap her in the face. However, this is not the worst thing. It is much more offensive if the guy does not condescend to show signs of attention at all, even if he likes the girl. Why these mating games? Besides, there are much more important things to do.
Bad guys are always very confident.

Those around them are simply amazed at the confidence of the “bad guys” and cannot oppose anything to it. If such a person has decided something, then arguing with him is a waste of precious time. Girls like it that bad guys don't listen to the advice of family, friends and colleagues. And those who refer to the opinion of their mother or, God forbid, their grandmother, may simply laugh in their faces.
Read also: Beautiful words for proposing marriage to a girl, man, woman, guy
Bad guys impress with their courage and boldness.
A real man cannot be a weakling or a coward. 17% of women are sure of this. As for the bad guys, they are not only not afraid of conflicts, but often even provoke them themselves.
Bad guys are narcissistic.

However, the word “suffer” is not entirely appropriate here. Such self-esteem is par for the course for bad guys. They believe that they need to know their worth. Otherwise, nothing can be achieved in this life, including the love of girls.
Bad guys are used to being rude.
Despite thousands of years of evolution, man remains an animal at heart and obeys inner instincts. And the times of absolute patriarchy ended not so long ago. Girls like bad boys because the habit of submission is inherent in the fairer sex literally at the genetic level.
Bad guys are real.

If a man is polite and decent, knows the rules of table etiquette and takes grandmothers across the street, then he has to comply. Constantly hiding your little weaknesses is very tiring and eventually gets boring. Girls like bad boys, among other things, because you can be yourself with them. Bad guys don’t hide their shortcomings, but they won’t reproach their partner in vain, perceiving her for who she is. The life principle of these men is: do not judge, lest you be judged.
Bad guys don't get under your skin.
This does not mean at all that such guys are only interested in what the girl has under her skirt. They may also be far from indifferent to the moral side of their partner, but they keep their distance, which is so often lacking in “decent” young people. Bad guys wait for the girl to open up to them and thus earn her respect.
The bad guys are less accessible.

All you have to do is whistle, and the good guy is right there: moving furniture, meeting mom at the airport, or serving as a “vest.” You don't always find bad guys, especially if they are absolutely necessary. They have some mysterious affairs of their own that strangers, even close people, do not need to know about. Bad guys are always a mystery. Girls love riddles. Girls like bad boys.

If a worthy person can be compared to a Roman patrician, then a bad guy is more likely a Neanderthal, a medieval barbarian, or, at best, a sailor Zheleznyak. But his chances of winning a girl are no less, and, perhaps, even more. On the other hand, to achieve what you are looking for, you don’t have to be a bad guy. It is enough to adopt some of its qualities.

New “adult” impressions3

Most girls are raised like little princesses. They try to protect the girl as much as possible from the negativity and harsh truths of life. Mom and dad diligently protect her from all troubles, but at the same time they strictly ensure that the daughter does not allow herself anything unnecessary, does not make friends with “unreliable” children, from their point of view, and is well-mannered, neat and obedient.

But childhood ends, and the matured girl understands that the world around her is much more complex and, in addition to pink, there are many different colors and shades in it. And at this very moment she meets some “bad guy” who desperately embarks on any adventure, is independent, loves to experiment and is generally so different from those “good” children whom her parents or grandmothers admire. The girl quickly realizes that with this guy she can afford many things that she had never even thought about before, things that were strictly prohibited. Something that will allow you to escape from parental care and feel like an adult and independent. The effect of contrast between the past “childish” life and the new, full of adventures, adult life is triggered. And this daring guy, independent of public opinion, plays the role of a kind of guide to that brave new world.

Types of "bad guys"

Girls like bad guys not at all because of their cunning, which may not exist in principle, but because they play certain roles. Remember: the whole world is a theater, and further in the text?

On my own mind.

Attila and Caligula in one bottle. This guy is crazy and can hurt without you even realizing it. At school he was a bully, but his parents did not even suspect this blatant fact, because the teachers’ complaints simply did not reach them. This character lives as he pleases. Obstacles only excite the “bad guy,” and his unpredictability excites the girls. And even though he has tattoos all over his body, he knows how to dress fashionably and looks amazing. On the first date, this guy will give a star, on the second - a month, and on the third - a full moon. Next time he will promise to get the sun from the sky, but he simply won’t come. The girl will have to shed tears into her pillow and eat her grief with candy until the “bad guy” calls and inquires about the situation, noticing in passing that he is in a bit of trouble. And such relationships can drag on for years.

Everyone's favorite.

Girls like this bad guy primarily because he is the life of any company. Thanks to his great sense of humor, good looks and charm, it is almost impossible to resist him. You can listen to his stories for hours with your mouth wide open and anime cartoon eyes. But this guy is cunning.

After a couple of hours of communicating with him, you will probably get the impression that it was not you who liked him first, but, on the contrary, he liked you. That's it, the bird is caught in the net. And the bird will even be happy with the romantically inclined young man until he gets tired of her singing. And this can happen at any moment and for no reason. You will have to cry into your pillow again, even though this guy looked after you “so-so”, because he was too spoiled and narcissistic.

"Cowboy".

He's crazy about guns. He likes cars and everything that is somehow connected with technology. This bad guy loves sports and all kinds of competitions, which speaks of his courage. It costs him nothing to fall in love, and this can happen completely unexpectedly. The plus is that “cowboys” rarely fall in love. The downside is their demands on the victim. If you slip up, use one wrong adjective in a conversation, and that’s it, goodbye. The main thing for a “cowboy” is speed, accuracy and precision. If you want to be close, be kind and comply.

"Martian".

A kind of Stirlitz among the bad guys. Not only does he look like a smart, intelligent person, but he actually is. Can wear glasses as a disguise. He is interested in astrophysics, rocket science and pulsars, and can spend hours talking about paleocontact or the structure of black holes. This guy will take you to interesting places and introduce you to unusual people, walk you in the park and even give you flowers.

But once your relationship reaches a certain stage, Dr. Jekyll will turn into Mr. Hyde. The mask of a cute excellent student will disappear, and the “bad boy of the subspecies” will appear, “favorite” or “on his own.” What can you do, girls like bad boys who are into science too. The only problem is that science comes first for such individuals.

Cunning phlegmatic.

An extremely dangerous creature, and not yet fully studied. According to Hippocrates' definition, a phlegmatic person is characterized by slowness and equanimity, stubbornness and determination. If you get involved with this type of bad guy, you will definitely get your heart broken.

The fact is that for a cunning phlegmatic person you are in second place, his plans come first. He cannot afford to fail at anything. And therefore, while taking you on a boat ride on the mirror lake, he thinks that in two hours he has an important meeting, for which he must under no circumstances be late. And you won’t find fault. What if your future comfortable existence depends on this meeting?

"Heartbreaker."

His habits remind him of “everyone’s favorite”, only he doesn’t have many fans. Girls also like this type of bad boy, but against all logic. He is not very handsome and behaves strangely. He goes on dates only if he wishes, and the same goes for answering phone calls and SMS. Friends twirl their fingers at their temples: what do you see in him? Your parents are worried about your state of mind. And they have every reason to do so. You may suspect that your chosen one is secretly dating other girls, and you want one thing - for him to become only yours. Useless. It won't.

"Puzzle".

Nothing is clear here at all. It seems like just yesterday you were friends, but today you realize that you “fell” on him. And the most interesting thing is that this guy didn’t seem to want such a development of events. But it happened, and it’s wonderful!

You can spend hours discussing common topics, joking and laughing, and going on dates. But one fine day you suddenly become aware that he has another girlfriend. Perhaps you won’t worry too much, but the feeling of confusion will still come. How did this happen? Why? Who is to blame and what to do? The problem is that there are no answers to these questions, and the puzzle cannot be solved.

Who are the good guys and why do they annoy girls?

Why do girls like bad guys when they can choose from good ones? They will always give up their seat in transport, give you a compliment, and ask permission before doing anything.

These people were simply raised that way, most likely by their mother, who understood the word “good” in a strictly defined sense. Unfortunately, fathers are not so often involved in raising their sons lately.

A good guy developed his life principles under the influence of teachers and attention-demanding classmates. Perhaps he had a rather mischievous sister. And then a girl or wife, for whom a man’s dignity was measured primarily by his obedience.

Good boys are so trained that they won’t take a single step without a command. They also don’t like solving problems, and they’re not used to it. Why, if girls or women have always done it for them?

Over the years, good boys turn into henpecked men who are forced to ask their wife's permission to sit with friends over a glass of beer.

Yaroslav Samoilov says:

relationship psychology expert. Helps women start living the life they want, or even the life they are afraid to even dream about.

Who are the “poor people”?
two people bring money to the family;
earns money to survive;
practical/economical;
complains about work/government/mother/boss/employees;
proves coolness with words, not actions;
a lot of free time;
makes empty promises that everything will be fine, but no action;
you compliment him - he admires him, you believe him - he reacts aggressively;
close contact with mother, weak contact with father;
low self-esteem;
he looks like a normal man, but the truth comes out later;
it is no more difficult to fall in love with him than with a normal person;
can live with mother or parents.

Do girls like these? Of course no.

A good boy will behave correctly and will sincerely wonder why the beauty from the accounting department makes eyes at the unshaven guy from the delivery department, but simply does not notice him, so beautiful in all respects. He will begin to get angry because of such injustice, but he will not be able to understand what is going on here.

All good guys behave the same way. They buy gifts, take girls to cafes and listen to them chatter for hours about their sworn friend’s new dress, which doesn’t suit her at all.

It is almost impossible to induce a good guy to make a strong-willed decision: what if it is wrong? Or will the girl not like it? The consequences can be dire, but does he need it? Moreover, such a boy was simply not taught to bear responsibility for anything.

Why so many people are turned off by good men

Why are women repelled by sweet, kind, caring and gentle men who are ready to please, give pleasant surprises and live next to each other all their lives? Many girls don’t like nice guys for the reason that they have many negative qualities, which for some become more significant than the positive ones:

too soft and sentimental;
they do not know how to stand up for themselves and the honor of the girl next to them;
uninitiative;
insecure, have low self-esteem;
many complexes;
they do not know how to achieve the assigned tasks, and they do not set tasks as such;
a lot of problems and “cockroaches” in my head;
boring and uninteresting;
not sociable.

This is the answer why some people don’t want to see a good guy next to them, but are drawn to bad and frivolous ones.

READ How to start dating a girl: step-by-step instructions and recommendations

Why do girls like bad boys?

Although our society is considered civilized, the concept of natural selection in finding a partner has not disappeared. Women do not need losers, but real alpha males who can protect them and create comfortable living conditions.

But why then do girls like bad boys? What comfort, what protection, if the chosen one is going to jail or crippled in a fight? Everything is explained simply.

Although homo sapiens is translated as “reasonable man,” this is not entirely true. Our instincts are still very strong, and emotions often overcome reason, especially when it comes to the process of reproduction.

It is thanks to animal instincts that girls prefer bad boys. And those, in turn, like good girls.

Imagine a beauty who has a lot of suitors. Among them there are both quite worthy guys and guys who smell of danger a mile away. The choice seems clear. But animal instincts did not care about reason; they literally push the girl into the arms of the bad guy. And this happens all the time. Why?

It's simple. When it comes to the process of reproduction, instincts are much stronger than reason. They force the girl to evaluate men according to criteria that were relevant back in the days when males hunted mammoths, and females - whether they liked it or not - were responsible for maintaining the fire and the demographic situation in the tribe.

That is, a beauty on an instinctive level sees in a bad guy not a monster, not a bandit and a hooligan, but a protector and winner, capable of tearing out the heart of an enemy and presenting it as a gift to his beloved instead of a scarlet flower.

Man became civilized not so long ago. Just a few centuries ago, aggressiveness and greyhound were considered a virtue, and without arrogance and cynicism there was absolutely nothing to catch. Only the bad guys were competitive enough. And girls still like them. Instincts simply do not keep up with the development of a person’s moral qualities, hence the imbalance.

Any normal girl first of all looks at how successful a man is and how well adapted he is to the environment. But the world has changed dramatically lately, and ancient instincts now not so much help girls when choosing a partner, but rather harm them.

Human genes cannot change in one moment; this takes many thousands of years. Therefore, it often happens that a girl chooses a man, evaluating him not by his compliance with modern realities, but by his degree of adaptation to wild nature. Does this one make good money? Great, I like it! But he is capable of tearing apart a lion with his bare hands. Well, or at least a cat. Who will we choose? Need to think.

Moreover, in the process of “thinking” it is not so much the brain that is involved as animal instincts. No wonder they say: “Love is evil, you will love a goat.” Girls like bad boys precisely because these guys are inherently close to the animal world, to those times when women were allowed ahead for the sole reason - to check if there was a predator in the cave?

Only one conclusion can be drawn from the above. To find a truly worthy partner, a girl needs to learn to control her emotions and suppress the animal inside herself. Don’t be fooled by “like it or don’t like it,” but think. Following the dictates of reason today is much more profitable and safer. But not every girl is capable of this yet.

The matter is complicated by the fact that girls like alpha male traits in a man. And bad guys have these characteristics in abundance.

Bad guys have a predominant animal side, so these people are quite emotional. In the modern world, this is more likely a sign of an outsider, but girls, due to their feminine instincts, on the contrary, really like this behavior of men.

In addition, girls for the most part live by emotions themselves. They simply cannot live without feelings, and the bad guys satisfy this need in full.

Genetic memory

In terms of instincts, humans are not much different from animals. Most of them were formed even before the emergence of Homo sapiens (i.e. modern humans) as a biological species. And one of the basic instincts - reproduction - inevitably required females to choose a partner based on how strong, strong, proactive and, ultimately, dominant over other males.

Women of primitive society were attracted exclusively by these qualities, since it was they who provided food, safety for offspring and respect from their fellow tribesmen. Modest or weak men had significantly less chance. Tens of thousands of years ago, in order to survive and raise his authority among others, a man had to be aggressive, active and ruthless.

Centuries and even millennia passed, civilizations appeared on Earth and human society underwent a very serious transformation. In some ways, women's preferences have changed, however, modern women, just like their distant predecessors, are partial to male brutality, strength and charisma. Genetic memory, which at one time made it possible to ensure the survival of the clan and contributed to its development, is one of the important factors in modern gender relations.

How to build relationships with “bad guys”

Any girl first needs to learn: most likely, it won’t be possible to rehabilitate a bad guy. This is only possible if he himself wants to change, but this option is extremely unlikely. Therefore, there is only one way out - to adapt. But before that, you should understand what to expect from a bad guy, study all his shortcomings. As they say, forewarned is forearmed.

The bad guy has bad habits.

For example, he smokes and is crazy about all kinds of cocktails and energy drinks. Yes, you don’t like such habits, but the problem in this case is more his than yours. Maybe it's just part of the image? The guy is mature beyond his years, and besides, he never loses control of himself. If this is so, then you should not focus on his weaknesses. It’s worth thinking about it if small shortcomings begin to cause great inconvenience. How to react? In some cases, you can make a claim, but what if it works? If not, don't join the bad guy when he asks you to join. Why do you need extra problems? Yes, and you should take care of your health.
Gets caught up in history.
Often girls like bad boys because of their courage. But courage is one thing, and recklessness is another. Think about it, where did this craving for high speeds and good fights come from? What's more important to your boyfriend: saving the princess or slaying the dragon? Maybe he is deliberately trying to seem cool in order to convince himself: the notorious Kid is no longer in nature, he has been replaced by the brutal bully Carlson? How to react? The situation can be, if not completely taken under control, then at least slightly adjusted. Just convince the guy that others like him even in those cases when he is not pretending to be Emelianenko or Schumacher. Also, don't let yourself get into trouble.
He tries his best to achieve popularity among girls.

Girls like bad boys, but the worst thing is that the latter are well aware of this and take advantage of their advantage as best they can. But why? To get rid of complexes again? Or to once again prove to others your coolness? Be that as it may, it’s not very pleasant to be Sveta-from-the-club or Marina No. 4.
How to react? If you like this guy and don't want to lose him, just let him go. Everyone knows the phrase: “The less we love a woman, the more she likes us.” So, this principle also works in the opposite direction. To get a guy to like you, you don’t need to hang around his neck. Be different from everyone else, and he will definitely pay attention to you. Well, if not, over time there will probably be someone better.
Behaves rudely.
No, he doesn’t give up and doesn’t even express himself to you. But he doesn’t know how to communicate culturally or doesn’t want to. How to react? First of all, gather information. What if this style of communication is simply accepted in his environment? And the guy simply doesn’t understand that he’s behaving rudely? In this case, try to explain to him what is wrong, try to convince him to change his communication skills for the better. But when a partner is deliberately rude, trying to hurt you, you cannot put up with it. If he is rude not only in words, you should behave even more carefully.
Shows aggressiveness.
Of course, girls like bad boys, but there is a limit to everything. Some characters are so impulsive that you never know what's on their mind. Any little thing can make such people angry, and when they are angry they are simply terrible. And before you say or do anything, you have to think: won’t your phrase or action enrage him?
Doesn't pay enough attention.

He doesn’t remember when you met or how many days after that you kissed for the first time. It slipped his mind what movie you saw on the third date. He doesn't care about your cat's birthday. It's all very bad and you don't like it, but men have such short memories!
However, even sclerosis does not give him the right to forget about Valentine's Day. This behavior is unforgivable! This means that the guy simply forgot about your existence, and no excuses that he was very busy will help.
How to react? You can be offended and even shed a tear. This will make the guy be more attentive, but only for a few days or even minutes. The fact is that the guy no longer likes you, he no longer needs you. Otherwise, he would definitely call: to congratulate, say a kind word, apologize for being late. And if possible, I would spend this day with you.

Summary

In preparation for our conversation on this topic, I went through many forums and read comments. Believe it or not, a huge number of men are darkly and dirtyly jealous of those who literally and figuratively have ladies for whom they are just pining. There is so much bile and insults directed at women, that they are “stupid” and are played on by “their fingers.” Friends and guests of our good club, do not blame others for your bad luck. Just change yourself. It's all a myth! And any woman can be seduced and achieved, even without being an inveterate hooligan.

Yes, there are circumstances that cannot be overcome, and you cannot be together afterwards, but to attract attention, to win her heart and sink into her soul, to leave a piece of yourself there - this is really possible. The trend of worshiping physical strength and rudeness is disappearing. As I already said, intelligence and the ability to survive and lobby for one’s interests in society are more important than a finger-thick gold chain and a wide-open leather jacket.

In conclusion, I will take responsibility to insert a screenshot of a comment I liked from other resources, which very accurately reflects a woman’s opinion and summarizes our conversation:

And with you, my friends, we part, but do not say goodbye. I will be pleased if you subscribe to our young group on VKontakte, share the link to the article with your friends and leave an interesting comment below.

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