Any relationship is a merger. Interests, feelings, thoughts, bodies. It is a process in which two people constantly exchange energy and experience. One takes something from the other, and thus both learn. But as soon as you cut off the oxygen and merge with your partner a little more, problems begin. Therefore, it is very important to keep your distance in a relationship.
You can love in different ways. Easy and casual, touching and deep, bitter and painful, uncontrollable and chaotic. Everyone does it the way they know how. And although no one taught us this, we know exactly what to do and how to behave.
Yes, you can love in different ways, but everyone wants to do it strongly. Wants to experience the greatest feeling he can. To be covered by a wave that lifts you to heaven. Isn't this what all romantic relationships begin and end for? One is always looking for more and, not getting it, goes to another.
However, like any strong feeling, strong love has its own dangers. Just as anger and horror corrode a person from the inside, so it burns the insides, scorching thoughts. And when her own heart cannot cope, she demands the submission of someone else.
For example, when you love another person very much, you strive to show him how great your feeling is. You can't contain it inside, deal with it. You scream, you cry, you sob! - into the phone about how you can’t live without your lover. How you dedicate every breath you take to his existence. How afraid you are to lose him. And you don’t doubt it for a second, because parting with such a strong feeling is like losing an arm or a leg, losing a part of yourself.
But all these recognitions are not only of an informative nature. Their goal is to force the beloved to share burning love with you. You are partly scared that you can experience such feelings alone, so you strive to pull as many as possible into your black hole.
And when this happens, the distance disappears. There is no more “me” and “you”, there is only strong love. No one belongs to himself, and nothing can be divided into “mine” and “yours” anymore. It’s not even “ours”, it’s something new, alien, abnormal.
There is even an expression for this - “to love to death.” Because strong love cuts off oxygen to the partner, not giving him the opportunity to feel himself, hear his thoughts, understand his heart. At some point, a wave covers him, but no longer lifts him to heaven - it just drowns him.
Therefore, it is very important to maintain distance in a relationship. Do not entangle another with your feelings by hanging a stone around his neck, but give him the opportunity to breathe. And no matter how easy it may sound, keeping distance as a couple is not always so easy. And there are a few small tips on how to control yourself and the level of healthy freedom.
How does distance appear in a relationship?
He seems to look at things differently, gets ready for work too quickly and is constantly preoccupied with something. What is he thinking about?
He ate breakfast almost silently, stroked the dog, scratched it behind the ear. He even devotes more time to the dog. He grabbed the bag, quickly pecked him on the cheek and ran away. He is silent about his problems, and in the evening he will think gloomily about something (silently), or again he will say that he is late at work.
What's happening?
The first thought that comes to a woman’s mind is that he has another one. Otherwise, where does this sudden coldness come from?
But psychologists reassure that this is most likely a banal increase in distance - a completely normal and natural process in relationships.
The distance in a relationship between a man and a woman is relative and can change.
Algorithm
An example situation. The woman reflects: “We have been dating for more than two months, but nothing happens. Apart from sex and restaurants, nothing is offered to me, but I want more”... In this case, the lady, if all the above conditions coincide, can try to use manipulation and “without declaring war” to hide, stop contacting the man herself.
The boyfriend calls or writes: “When will I see you?” It is imperative to respond to a man’s questions, otherwise he will decide that he has become uninteresting to you and will simply go underground, but the woman’s answers should be very vague: “I don’t know. Let’s call you,” or: “I can’t say specifically,” and so on. Turn on the dynamo, pretend to be mysterious - the more, the better.
“No specifics are needed. Riddle, halftone. “One Thousand and One Nights,” tales of Scheherazade,” emphasizes Kuznetsova.
The psychologist explains that with her behavior a woman will pull the rug out from under a man’s feet, since representatives of the stronger sex do not like any “misunderstandings.” They need to know for sure “we will make a movie or we won’t.” But instead of specific answers, the young lady starts feeding her breakfast. The gentleman is angry. However, since he really wants a woman, and under the current circumstances his “I want” increases tenfold, the man will be forced to follow the lady’s lead.
On this wave, a woman can begin to carefully voice her conditions. So, if a man asks: “Why don’t I see you, what happened?”, you should answer: “Nothing, business.” If a woman started a game for the sake of a specific gift, she can say: “Business. Working. I’m saving money for a vacation,” or: “No time. I took a quick job and earned money to buy boots.” The meaning of the dialogue should be like this: “I understand that you want me, and I also want to see you, but I need to work, because I need this and that.” Only the entire conversation needs to be conducted subtly, without redneckness. There is no need to tell a man: “Give me money for Spain, then I’ll see you.”
“Under no circumstances should you become impudent. You need to use hints, but you must clearly indicate the purpose of your overtime work,” explains the psychologist.
If the game was started so that the man would offer to live together, the woman should press in the conversation not on the financial component, but on what she cannot see due to the heavy workload of family affairs: “Parents need help,” or: “We need to go to Grandma". The message here is that I really want to, but I can’t come to you because I don’t have time. And you can’t come to me either, because I’m sitting with an old grandmother. The situation must be subtly and carefully brought to the point that a man who is at the peak of feelings and wants to see his woman every day says: “Let’s live together then.”
Don't play around. It’s good if you can keep the man at a distance for two weeks. But this is the maximum. “Overexposure” can backfire on relationships.
As Kuznetsova explained, the “disappearance manipulation” has a simple scheme. A man who realizes that he cannot get what he wants will first become angry and behave like a child who was not bought a toy. Then, when they explain to him the reason for the impossibility of dating - this is why a woman should not disappear completely, but should get in touch - the man will begin to think about how to change the situation. As a result of a well-executed game, a representative of the stronger sex should have a desire to do everything for the woman to make her life easier and to bring his beloved as close to himself as possible.
Male vector in relationships
The role of the breadwinner really left its mark on male emotionality and the male position in any relationship.
For men, maintaining distance in relationships with the opposite sex is a natural and even logical process.
Hard work, earning money and inevitable professional growth do not tolerate emotions, which is naturally projected into relationships.
That is why many representatives of the stronger sex are characterized by a constant change in distance with their partner, sometimes closer, sometimes further.
Prerequisites
In addition to the conditions already listed - the initial stage and high interest - sexual relationships are also important. There must be closeness. Otherwise, a man who has not “tried” a woman will not give his best to keep her. So a woman needs to have time to “get things done” while the boyfriend is at the peak of passion - this is a maximum of four months if people see each other often.
What should you not do when increasing your emotional distance with a man?
- Panic. Under no circumstances should you think that everything is lost and this is the end of the relationship. An inflated emotional state can lead to rash and illogical actions, the consequences of which can be irreversible.
- Get bogged down in soul-searching. If the emotional distance between a man and a woman has suddenly increased, then you should not immediately look for the reason in your own wrong behavior, actions, or words spoken. This will not help solve the problem, but it will easily make it worse.
- Chase him. Very often, the desire for privacy is actually expressed in a man’s intention to temporarily leave his home, take a walk or attend an event alone. There is no need to follow him, thereby causing more negativity in your direction.
- To take revenge. The worst thing you can think of to solve the situation is to behave in a similar way, responding with revenge to the resulting distance: becoming a block of ice and mysteriously disappearing with your girlfriends. This can lead to a break in the emotional connection, which will be difficult to restore.
Listen to yourself: would you like to spend time with someone other than your partner?
If you want to spend all the time you have next to your lover, then things are bad. For some reason, many people are ashamed to admit that they want to meet with friends more than they want to lie on the couch with their partner, although there is nothing wrong with that. Having love does not guarantee that your significant other will always be a wonderful conversationalist who is in good spirits and ready to listen to everything you want to talk about. But if even in such a situation you still choose a partner rather than emotional release, it means that you are fixated on each other and it’s time to take at least a day’s timeout. After all, falling in love is sometimes much worse than not loving.
Distance in a relationship is necessary!
When your emotional distance fluctuates up or down, remember: everything will return to normal!
It is only important to show wisdom in time, giving the partner the opportunity to emotionally distance himself and restore himself, to help him independently find his comfort zone.
Share your story!
What cases do you know where distance in a relationship strengthened a couple?
A man is moving away - what to do?
It is important to understand that relationships are dynamic, and after several years they may not be the same as when they first met. Resentments, discontent and other negativity accumulate.
Often, at a certain stage, a man may begin to move away from his wife. The situation can be corrected, but only with the correct behavior model of both partners.
Advice from psychologists
One of the important and effective tips is that the woman does not interfere with the man at a distance. It sounds absurd, but now it is important for him to feel spiritual freedom.
You need to be able to let the man go for a while, give him time to retire, because this is the surest way to save the relationship.
Don’t panic and read morals to your loved one – it will only get worse. The best thing to do is to be patient and just wait it out.
Male psychology is structured in such a way that the less a woman prevents her from moving away, the more a man is visited by the desire to return to her. Therefore, reacting calmly is, first of all, in the interests of the woman herself. It will save your nerves and preserve your relationship.
Many women begin to overthink themselves and think that their loved one is capable of leaving for another. Such an error only leads to a dead end, and has nothing to do with reality.
How to return a husband from his mistress to his family if he lives with her?
A man, moving away, gets the opportunity to relax psychologically. If a woman does not put pressure, then everything will end in harmless get-togethers with friends or an evening alone.
Prayer
After a certain time spent together, the relationship with your husband may fade away, and trust may disappear altogether. If a woman notices alarming signs in a relationship, it is better not to waste time; the situation will not resolve itself.
Many people use magic to save relationships. Separately, prayers should be highlighted. This remedy is relatively safe for the psyche, but it will definitely help maintain relationships in a critical situation.
The prayer can be read at any time of the day, and the strength of its effectiveness depends on the woman’s faith in the ritual.
CONSPIRACY
The following ritual will help to cool your husband.
How to return a husband to his family from his mistress - advice from a psychologist.
On the new moon, buy two candles and spring water. At midnight you need to retire to your room and lock the door. Next, pour water into a glass, connect the candles with a rope, and light the flame.
Then you need to read the following words: “As a white swan has mercy on the swan, so that my husband and I can have mercy and admire. For my husband to look at me, he hasn’t seen enough. He loved me, but he didn’t love me enough. Amen".
Then you need to place the candles on the stand and let them burn out. Some continue to read prayers while the candles are burning, additionally calling love into life.
You should save some water after the ritual to add to your and your husband’s food. Throw the rest out the window.
Watch the video. The man is silent. What to do if he doesn't want to communicate?
Divination
The development of modern technologies makes it possible to tell fortunes about relationships and other situations of interest without leaving home. To do this, it is enough to turn to hereditary clairvoyants and tell fortunes online, quickly receiving answers to your troubling questions.
Option 4: He thinks he doesn't deserve you.
While you expect determination and bold actions from a man, he feels a certain coldness on your part and thinks that you are not serious about him. Men are rarely ready to desperately fight for a girl, wait for her favor for years, or make sacrifices. Therefore, perhaps you should reconsider your attitude towards the guy. Let him know that you like everything and he doesn’t need to pull a star out of the sky to win your heart.
In fact, one careless phrase is enough to “scare off” a man. Perhaps he unpleasantly remembered some of your remarks on the topic of making money. Or you were simply talking about the ideal standard of living, and he considered this a subtle hint and instantly compared his own capabilities with your “requests”. Having digested the information after the date, the man decided to find a companion with more modest appetites.
What to do?
If you are really looking for a partner with a certain level of income and tried to test the waters on the first date, which turned him off, it may be worth looking for someone more confident in himself and his abilities.
If you suspect that the man you like might have formed the wrong image after the first date, try correcting it (your image) with careful hints. For example, in correspondence. Make it clear that you are a simple person with no fancy requests and get the next date. But don't be too persistent.
Option 5: He doesn't feel you are important in his life.
The opposite situation. A man has lost interest - this can happen at any stage of a relationship. Of course, the first stage of falling in love usually goes smoothly, but then you can feel a certain cooling in the relationship.
What could influence this? Sometimes this happens by itself, but you can often notice that a girl needs a relationship more than a guy. That is, she invests more in the relationship, more often makes sacrifices, compromises, and some kind of concessions. Her pressure and persistence can reduce a man’s interest even more.
Then the man begins to disappear, avoid meetings, miss calls, and not respond to messages. His attitude towards the woman is getting worse, but she endures. Yes, on the one hand, he understands that this is convenient - he gets away with everything, the girl stays with him under any circumstances. On the other hand, the value of such a woman in his eyes decreases. Additionally, a man can see:
- lack of competition for this girl - she will not leave for another;
- jealousy on her part is further confirmation that she is attached to this man;
- her willingness to fulfill any requests.
What to do?
Increase your importance. If you feel like he's starting to look down on you, make sure he needs you:
- make it clear that other men will or are already competing for you;
- do not resort to it on the first call, you can even ignore it for a while;
- don’t brag and don’t prove anything to him. He must invest in this relationship no less than you - show emotions, attention, confirm the sincerity of feelings;
This easy manipulation is justified in a situation when a man begins to feel his control over you. Then there is a reason to answer him in the same coin and return the relationship to normal.
A man has lost interest - this can happen at any stage of a relationship. Of course, the first stage of falling in love usually goes smoothly, but then you can feel a certain cooling in the relationship
