How to learn to control yourself

Every reasonable person understands how important it is to be able to control oneself. This skill always comes in handy, be it a critical situation in the family or an unbalanced manager at work.

A state of increased nervousness appears before an important meeting, during a responsible task, when life problems arise, in a quarrel with loved ones, or in any other unusual situations.

This condition is characterized by rapid heartbeat, hand tremors, slurred speech, and reddening of the skin. In conflict situations, a person may raise his voice and even cry.

Possible causes of loss of control

Long-term accumulation of grievances will one day burst out into a serious scandal.

The inability to control oneself may concern a situation when a person is overcome by a fit of anger, overwhelmed by a lot of negative emotions, which he splashes out on close friends and even a loved one. Also, the inability to control oneself and behave with restraint can also apply to cases when, when the slightest problem appears, a person begins to panic, anxiety, he cannot concentrate on anything, and the appearance of hysterics, including tears, is possible.

I bring to your attention common reasons why it is difficult for a person to control himself.

The presence of dissatisfaction with one’s life, which is manifested by the appearance of aggression directed at others. In such a situation, those closest to you, as well as work colleagues, often suffer. Even the smallest irritant can set a person off.
A biased attitude towards the interlocutor is often the source of conflict development.
The presence of a somatic illness can also lead to incontinence and excessive temper.
Nervous stress and experienced psychological trauma can also be a source of problems with controlling one’s emotions.
Having low self-esteem can lead to the need to throw out your negativity, increase your importance, belittling the dignity of other people.
Increased suspiciousness and excessive anxiety are often the cause of an acute reaction to what is happening.
The presence of any kind of addiction is a likely cause of incontinence and excessive aggression.

Distribute responsibilities

Overwork is a common problem, which in itself causes discomfort, and with the accompanying pressure it is quite capable of triggering rage. A sensible approach to distributing your workload or family responsibilities will help you avoid this.

Remember: trying to solve common problems on your own is rarely beneficial. More often than not, instead of rewards, you receive new responsibilities. As they say, “if you did it once, well done, but more than twice, you’re obligated.”

It would be wiser to distribute new responsibilities among team members so that the workload is equal. This will relieve both overwork and justified indignation caused by the lack of bonuses.

Procedure

Sometimes seeing yourself in the mirror is enough to calm down

If you are faced with a stressful situation, you feel that irritation is filling you inside, you feel angry emotions, then you need to do the following:

First you need to take a deep breath and do breathing exercises. These actions help reduce the heart rate and get rid of nervous tension.
If that doesn't help, count to ten to yourself. Time spent counting helps you rethink the current situation.
When anger rushes over you, look at yourself in the mirror, how do you look at the moment, how distorted is your face, how has your facial expression changed? Often what you see allows you to come to your senses.
If this does not help, you can resort to physical exercise. Loads of this type will allow you to get rid of accumulated negative energy and you will be able to relax. So, at the moment of accumulated anger, you can do squats or push-ups.
After calming down a little, try to take control of your thoughts. Try to see at least something good in the current situation, something that will not cause you to have an attack of aggression.

If the steps described do not help you, it may be time to seek professional help from a psychologist. It is possible that the reason for the inability to control oneself is the presence of some kind of psychotrauma, an event that may have happened in deep childhood, it needs to be lived through, and sometimes it is not possible to do it on your own.

It is important to understand that at the moment of accumulated tense emotions, you should not speak out or sort things out. Otherwise, you risk saying a lot of unnecessary things, which you will regret in the future.

Enter a punishment system

Each child was punished for misconduct, disobedience and pranks. Of course, no one will dare to put an adult in a corner, and therefore it is worth introducing a system of penalties for yourself. If, succumbing to emotions, you got into an argument with someone, shouted at your interlocutor, burst into tears after a remark from your boss, be sure to punish yourself by giving up some kind of pleasure. This could be giving up your favorite treat, watching a TV series, going shopping, and the like. This will give you an incentive to exercise self-control.

Adviсe

Develop stress resistance and learn to control yourself

Never try to solve many accumulated problems at once. Such impudence will not lead to anything good; you will only be scattered among many tasks and will not be able to achieve your intended goal.
Try not to think about what has already been accomplished. You cannot change the mistakes of the past. Learn to live for today, not think about possible problems in the future, and not reproach yourself with guilt for what you did in the past.
If you are unable to avoid something, change it, or fix it, take it for granted. Let it become the starting point from which a new path will begin.
If you are faced with a difficult situation that you cannot resolve at the moment, try to switch to something else. It’s great if you find a favorite activity, devoting time to which, you will be able to collect your thoughts and, with a “fresh mind,” find a way out of the current situation.
When faced with a problem, do not rush to act on emotions, try to understand what is happening, look at everything from the outside. You should not rush to react emotionally; it is important to understand that words born in the heat of passion, in a fit of anger, can harm your future relationship with the person to whom they were expressed.
If you often overwhelm yourself with or without reason, thinking that something bad will happen, then in such situations it is better to imagine the worst possible outcome of events in order to make it easier to accept what will actually happen in your life.
Never think about what others will say about you; dependence on other people’s opinions only brings harm. You need to think about yourself, because in reality other people are only focused on their own problems.
Sometimes the inability to control oneself is the result of constantly inflating problems. If you are a person who regularly sees some hidden meaning in everything that happens, then it’s time to change your attitude and stop being overly suspicious.
Think about the possible consequences of your actions. Sometimes a person wants to throw a scandal, express everything that is painful to him, for example, to his boss, but it is important to understand that after this, most likely, his career can be forgotten.
Learn to treat the people around you with respect. This will save you from unnecessary attempts to throw out your negativity on others.
Try to put yourself in the shoes of a person who causes negative emotions in you and provokes conflict. Sometimes this allows you to find the right approach and establish relationships without emotional breakdowns.
Learn not to take everything to heart, react calmer to what is happening. People who overreact to a situation do not always assess it correctly, since the resulting panic and anxiety are confusing.
Do not make excessive demands on the people around you. Sometimes the reason for a surge of emotions is precisely because a person is upset by unjustified hopes. It is also important to realize that you are not an ideal; you should not belittle the dignity of other people by exposing yourself.
Sometimes it is worth introducing a system of punishments for temperament and intemperance.
Don't try to suppress yourself. It is important to understand that negative emotions must come out. In the case when a person keeps everything to himself, he suffers greatly from this. Over time, accumulated negative emotions still break out, however, they cause greater damage, including to the psychological health of the individual.
Develop stress resistance. Sometimes it is very difficult to achieve positive results in this practice yourself. You can seek help from a psychologist.
Start doing some self-reflection. Think about why and in what situations you lose your temper, what throws you off balance, what actions, actions, what people.

Sometimes the reason for the occurrence of uncontrolled behavior lies in the presence of some kind of addiction, it can be alcohol, drug, computer or gaming addiction. And until a person manages to overcome his harmful attachment, he will not learn to control himself.

Knowing how to learn to control yourself, you need to put these tips into practice. Remember that a reserved person achieves greater success, both in interpersonal relationships, in relationships with his significant other, communicating with friends, and in career growth, making new acquaintances, and expanding his field of activity.

Respect your interlocutor

Unfortunately, many people lose control of themselves only because they consider their opinion to be the only correct one. However, your opponent has the same right to his point of view. Someone else's opinion should not be a reason for irritation, but for re-thinking the current situation. Remember that if you tend to lose your temper at the slightest deviation from your planned plan, this does not mean at all that the people around you are not like that. Learn to respect your interlocutor and seek compromises, because an ordinary dispute can develop into a serious conflict.

What to do next

If the question concerns what to do after fulfilling what was promised to another person, just enjoy the degree of responsibility for the obligations taken. This means you are capable of a lot. The main thing is that you have something that helps you maintain respectful relationships with your environment.

And if you managed to keep your word to yourself, then be sure to add this moment to the treasury of your achievements. Yes, each of us deserves encouragement and praise for our work, and fulfilling what is promised is difficult and strong-willed work. Keep a diary, write down your commitment on a piece of paper, and put a tick next to it. And so, step by step, you will achieve more and more. Your success sheet will turn into a platform for the flight of many birds - heralds of your achievements.

What to do if it doesn’t work out

Well, it happens. The main thing is not to be angry either at yourself or at the person who asked for the favor. Never forget to keep a human face, and if you let a person down, apologize to him sincerely. Tell us why you failed to keep your promise. Even if he gets angry, attacks with reproaches and censure, you are guilty, so listen in silence and agree. This is a lesson you need to learn for life.

Ask him if there is time and a chance to correct the situation. If the answer is yes, then drop everything and keep your promise. It will be difficult to justify yourself further - they will no longer believe you and will consider you a scoundrel.

Having let a person down, we ask him for forgiveness. But what about the words you gave yourself? After all, if you didn’t restrain them, be kind. Any promise is a kind of contract. And if you made it with yourself, there is a punishment. And which one - decide for yourself. For example, you couldn’t resist and ate a slice of white bread, although you promised not to look in its direction. You will have to run 2 kilometers more on an exercise bike.

Use your imagination

During a quarrel, you may feel the urge to raise your voice or even hit your opponent. The main reason for such negative manifestations is the accumulation of emotions within oneself. Play with your imagination. Imagine all the things you would like to say and do with your interlocutor in your head.

For example, if you are a woman and are very offended by your spouse, it is not at all necessary to be angry all day and be ready to attack your husband with complaints as soon as he crosses the threshold. Play out the whole movie in your imagination. What would you say to him, what would you hear in response? Imagine how you throw a crystal vase at him, it flies two centimeters away from him and dodges.

Think through all the smallest details

. This way you can kill two birds with one stone. Firstly, mentally you will already throw out all your negativity on your spouse, and he will not suffer from this. Most likely, after this you will not want to quarrel with him “the second time” when he comes home. And secondly, imagining such an absurd situation in your head, perhaps you will simply feel funny and the negativity that torments you will disappear.

Did you know?
A person feels this or that emotion for a period of time from a fraction of a second to several minutes.
Unfortunately, negative emotions can last much longer. Another way to work with imagination is to imagine that you are surrounded by an impenetrable fence, a wall. And all the negativity that is directed in your direction breaks when it hits this barrier.

It doesn’t matter what this wall will look like or what material it will be made of.

Perhaps it will be transparent and airy. The main thing is that behind this wall you feel completely calm and safe. You can also imagine that you have a lightning rod, with the help of which you, like thunderstorms, ward off any negative actions from yourself.

Help yourself physically

In fact, the expression “control yourself” is very apt. Following this advice, at the moment of loss of emotional control, you can try to mentally embrace yourself, as if to keep you from rash and sudden actions. In society, such hugs, especially in a situation where you are under moral pressure, would be inappropriate. But you can still help yourself through simple physical manipulations. For this:

tightly clasp your palms with a “lock”, enclosing the surging aggression in it;
clench your jaw;
move your arms back, holding your elbows behind your back.

A simple comfortable position in which the neck and shoulders are relaxed will also be useful. In this case, it is advisable to look the person causing irritation in the eyes. This way you demonstrate the absence of fear and ingratiation to him, and also emphasize the seriousness of your intentions.

Photo by Christian Newman on Unsplash

Avoid emotional outbursts

People with unstable mental health should not attend events. Which cause a strong adrenaline rush. This category includes cinemas with a feeling of complete presence, roller coasters, and attractions.

After staying in these places, your overall health may deteriorate. There is a rapid heartbeat, a feeling of nausea, the urge to vomit, and increased sweating.

Pay attention to your breathing. The simplest breathing exercise will help. To do this you need to take a deep breath.

Photos from pictures yandex.ru

Next, the breath is held for several seconds. Then you need to exhale slowly through your mouth. It is advisable to repeat the action 8-10 times. This will help saturate the brain with oxygen, balance the nervous system, and give vigor .

How to deliver what you promise

First of all, having given your word, draw up a diagram, a plan for translating your given word into reality. First of all, you need time dedicated to the task. Give up travel and other worries, because you gave your word, and it must be kept. Make step-by-step instructions, an execution plan, and prepare all the necessary resources for this.

Example: when completing an annual report, you will need at least 2-3 hours a day, because everything needs to be studied in detail, prepare numbers, read quarterly reports, etc. That is, it is necessary to take a serious matter with full responsibility so that there are no mistakes.

Don’t forget to set aside a couple of hours to double-check the work, give it to the customer for review, and only then can you submit the final version. This will make the person happy that you know how to keep your promises and take the quality of the task seriously.

Many of us are familiar with the expression “procrastination,” in which we are ready to think of anything to avoid getting started. It is important to make a choice towards fulfilling obligations. It will only take 2-3 weeks before the desire to procrastinate and put things off will become a thing of the past. Decisiveness, courage and the desire to resolve your commitment will become a habit, and you no longer need to force yourself to take action.

Laziness - yes, it drives our evolution. Because of laziness, people created remote controls, washing machines, microwave ovens, etc. But in our case it is ballast pulling down. And the “21 day” rule will also work great here. That is, for 2-3 weeks, overcome your laziness and take action. How to overcome it? First of all, drive away thoughts and discussions with yourself, where you are either a supporter or an opponent of laziness. This is already a step towards the fact that very soon you will raise your “paws” in front of her incredible power of persuasion. No hesitation - we got up and did it.

What determines the expression of emotions

The first thing you should understand is that all people are different, and their actions and worldviews are different from yours. Anyone interested in how to manage emotions and feelings should understand that there are several basic aspects that need to be taken into account:

Age. Kids show emotions freely: if they feel good, they laugh, if they feel hurt or hurt, they cry. The older a person gets, the more restrained the expression of his feelings is.
Character or temperament often explains specific behaviors.
Education and culture. In eastern countries, for example, it is not customary to show your fear or disgust if an important person is in front of you. People may react ambiguously when they see a passerby who speaks loudly and desperately gestures with his hands.

Orthopedic chairs for straight posture

If you haven't heard of the kneeling chair yet, you're missing out. This is a special orthopedic chair, sitting on which you will, willy-nilly, keep your back as it should.

Purpose of the kneeling chair:

reduce the load on the back muscles;
redistribute body weight and the load on the spine during prolonged sitting;
create conditions for natural posture.

With its external unusualness, the chair provides unloading of the lower spine, the effect of compression of blood vessels on the hips is reduced, body weight is more evenly distributed over three support points, and can be used for training and posture correction.

Important
The seating position this chair creates restores the natural S
-shape of the back, which is closer to the profile of the back in a standing position.
This occurs due to an increase in the angle between the axis of the body and the axis of the hips. This reduces the load on the intervertebral discs
, the spine begins to work on bending, and not on compression and deformation of the discs. Restoring the correct profile of the spine's curves is facilitated by shifting the load axis to the center of the body.

One of the most popular models, which is shown in the photo above, is the Gess “Vertebra Pro”. Six months ago I bought myself this kneeling chair. It took me a long time to decide, because at first glance it looks terribly unusual and it was generally unclear whether it was comfortable to sit on or not. It turned out to be convenient. I stopped intentionally watching my back altogether.

while working at the computer. The posture itself is straight, the lower back does not become stiff. The only thing is that my family still giggles and looks at me askance.

When sitting in a normal office chair, the entire load falls on the lower back.

- you can feel this by lifting your elbows or wrists off the table and lifting your feet off the floor. This occurs due to the incorrect bending of the body, when the axis of the load moves forward, you need to lean on the wrists to compensate for the incorrect load on the back. Sitting on a kneeling ergonomic chair allows you to transfer some of the stress from your lower back to your knees and hips. This is facilitated by a body position that resembles that of a rider.