Sense of humor: how to develop and why you need it

American composer Ned Rorem said: “Humor is the ability to see three sides of the same coin.” Psychology completely agrees with this opinion. A developed sense of humor really helps to see a situation in a different light and find more options for solving a problem.

Humor helps prevent and resolve conflicts, build relationships, and express oneself. This is the quality that attracts men and women equally. But this is only part of the benefits. Humor can also heal our souls. In psychology there is even therapy with laughter (humor).

Sense of humor in psychology

“If you make jokes, people won't take you seriously. And these same people do not understand that there is a lot that cannot be endured without joking,” Ernest Hemingway.

By what a person laughs at and how he jokes, you can learn a lot about him, for example, his values and beliefs, principles (or lack thereof), pain points, character traits and temperament, level of intelligence and breadth of horizons, depth of inner world.

I think you yourself have noticed that it is very easy to make someone laugh, someone understands only direct jokes, someone repeats other people's examples, and someone jokes themselves, and in such an interesting and subtle way that they are not always understood by others.

What is the structure of humor and why is the sense of humor different? A sense of humor involves cognitive processes and emotions, as well as physiology.

Cognitive processes are attention, memory, thinking, imagination and more. The higher these mental properties are developed, the sharper and more interesting a person’s sense of humor is.
What does this have to do with the physical level? This refers to the verbal and non-verbal methods used by a person.
About emotions, everything is even clearer: we differ by nature in temperament, and therefore in emotionality. Life experience also contributes. As a result, some are more emotional, others less. Some people have positive emotions, while others have negative emotions.

In order for us to laugh, the message (and humor is always associated with some thought, image) should not be significant for us, that is, it should introduce us into a state of play, and not cause emotions. Hence the insults with the phrases “What are you talking about, I was joking.” There are some things you can't joke about. But the trouble is that for each person these are their own ideas, personal.

From the above, another important function of humor follows: knowledge of another person and oneself. Developing your communication abilities, empathy, sensitivity, and the ability to step into another person’s shoes.

On the same basis, what we joke about, or rather what we take seriously and what not, speaks about our desires and needs, attitude towards a person or some things. Surely, something happened that you yourself did not believe in the seriousness of what was happening until the last moment.

Healthy and unhealthy sense of humor

A sense of humor is a sign of a mature and healthy personality. However, there are different senses of humor and it is important to look not only at its presence, but also at its content.

A healthy sense of humor allows you to interact productively with people and implies flexible personal boundaries.
Unhealthy humor, as a rule, is destructive in relation to others or oneself, and interferes with the establishment of contacts. And at the same time, the immobility of personal boundaries is noted. It is often said about such people that they have no sense of humor.

Black humor is considered the most dangerous, and it is noted that it is characteristic of people with psychosis.

For example, the humor of schizophrenics is difficult for other people to understand.
On the contrary, paranoids do not understand the jokes of healthy people. They see insults and threats.
The jokes of maniacs scare other people, but you can hear them very often.

The health/unhealthiness of humor can be determined using the Humor Styles Questionnaire (author: Martin). Studies were conducted using this questionnaire, during which it was revealed:

Healthy adaptive humor is characteristic of optimists, people with adequate self-esteem and the ability to build close relationships.
Aggressive humor is observed in dissatisfied people.
Self-destructive and self-deprecating – in people with mental disorders accompanied by depression, anxiety and hostility, low self-esteem and dissatisfaction with relationships with other people.

Lonely jokes

It’s impossible not to notice that the type of joke has changed in recent years. She transformed from a word into a picture - a meme.

Fact

A meme is any symbol or idea transmitted from person to person through gestures, speech, writing, etc. The term was coined by English evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins in 1976 in his book The Selfish Gene.
However, this harmless “creature” also made adjustments to people’s communication.

Jokes on the Internet.

CCO.

Elena Vladimirova, family psychotherapist:

It is clear that we have moved from real life to virtual. This also affected the humor. After all, for example, jokes work in a lively conversation over tea. I usually don't want to read them.
And memes are perceived easily and quickly. They go anywhere in a split second. And even if you have no one to share with, you can scroll alone. The less often people meet, the more new ways they communicate. Memes are one of them.

Types of sense of humor

To determine the nature of humor, and therefore the personal characteristics of a person, it is not necessary to communicate with him, it is enough to analyze the products of his creativity (drawing, script, book, song). Which is what R. Silver did. The author used a drawing test. As a result, she identified 7 types of sense of humor:

Pathological black humor. He is characterized by laughter at situations of death and danger. This is a mockery of other people's suffering and fears.
Non-pathological black humor. Laughter also at the situation of death, misfortune, but on the condition that the participant in this situation does not demonstrate suffering or fear.
Derogatory humor. Involves ridicule and humiliation for some reason.
Self-deprecating humor. Making fun of your own unpleasant traits.
Vague humor. Something detached, not suggesting a specific development of events further.
Moderately positive humor. It involves overcoming failures through ridicule, good laughter at oneself. Especially in achieving success.
Expressed positive. Added to the above is a play on words, ridiculing the absurdity and duality of the situation. This is playful humor, sometimes bringing together several characters.

Each person is characterized by the predominance of one or another sense of humor, depending on the situation. But this makes it difficult to differentiate the sense of humor according to the principle of pathology/norm.

Kinds

There are several classifications of the phenomenon under consideration.
We list only the main types of humor. There are, for example, verbal, musical, and visual versions of the comic. In the first case, we are talking about the ability to amuse in a conversational manner. The second option is aimed at bringing a smile to the listeners’ faces with the help of unusual sounds, their amplification or, on the contrary, their reduction. Fine humor involves the creation of comical drawings, funny cartoons and caricatures that involuntarily cause laughter.

It is noteworthy that very often comedians combine several variants of comedy. For your information, a combination of verbal and visual humor is quite common. An example is the illustrations in the satirical magazine “Crocodile”... This publication was once extremely popular. People knew how and wanted to joke. True, often the pictures contain, in addition to humor, also satire. And sometimes sarcasm. It is unacceptable to confuse these concepts.

Functions of humor

Humor is a means of communication, a way of playing and flirting. In psychology, this playful state is called paratelic. What other functions does humor have?

helps to integrate into the company;
can be an option for psychological protection (saves from personality disorders and internal contradictions);
acts as a way of expressing aggression or sexuality (interest);
helps process information.

In addition, social functions include:

social activity and the ability to go beyond social boundaries;
removal of responsibility (if you want to say something, but are afraid, then say it as a joke);
regulation of relationships;
protection of social status and hierarchy;
identity and cohesion.

The main psychotherapeutic function is that humor allows a person to look at his problems, desires, personal qualities from the outside, and then, transforming them into acceptable forms, accept them. This is important for the internal and external integration of a person.

In addition, humor allows you to positively reassess stressful situations, maintain inner freedom, overcome feelings of despair and difficult life situations - it is also a means of self-regulation.

Where is the best place to joke?

To learn how to joke, you first need to choose a familiar company. These should be understanding people who, in the event of a possible mistake, will not humiliate or ridicule. After some time, you can try your jokes in the company of people who are already experienced in humor. If you notice that you were understood and appreciated (and here a smile is enough), you managed to make them laugh, there is a reason for pride.

It is best to joke in a company that is already prepared for fun. It could be any holiday where everyone came in a good mood, for example, a birthday, New Year or any party.

How to develop a sense of humor (recommendations for every day)

First of all, it is important to understand what is necessary for a sense of humor:

mature cognitive processes (psychophysiological adulthood);
formed self-concept and developed self-awareness (personal maturity);
complex internal organization (deep and wide inner world);
very well developed abstract thinking.

All this is necessary to understand how the subject of jokes relates to the author himself and other people. Of course, everyone can laugh. But it is obvious that the reasons for laughter and the content of jokes of a child and an adult developed personality are very different.

For the formation of a sense of humor, a sense of self-irony is of great importance, which in turn is associated with self-acceptance and self-understanding. The second element is psychological safety, a sense of security and self-confidence.

Without a sense of humor, life is difficult for both the person himself and those around him. But it can be developed.

First of all, remember what underlies it: a high level of development of cognitive abilities. Accordingly, train your intellect, memory, and thinking.
Read books, watch movies. Firstly, books develop us, and secondly, you can find a lot of witticisms and interesting images there. The more often you encounter a pattern, the more firmly it will take root in your subconscious. Ask someone to “decipher” humor for you, and gradually you will learn to see it yourself. A little later he will be able to come up with jokes himself.
Broaden your horizons, expand your vocabulary. Master communication techniques.
How to joke? You take some unimportant image for you and your interlocutor and, using an analogy, compare it with something (“Well, you’re just like…”) or use logic to come up with the outcome of events (“You would also…”).
Develop self-irony. To do this, you need to realize your shortcomings and accept them, and then learn to calmly use them.
Memorize and tell jokes. Most likely, this method is suitable for beginner pranksters. But gradually, if you follow other recommendations, you will be able to joke yourself. Tell jokes that are relevant and artistic, conveying emotions through words and gestures.
Don't be afraid to answer a joke with a joke. Witty people attract each other. It’s always nice to hear a worthy answer, to realize the kinship of soul and intellect.
Learn to see something funny in everyday life: here in the crowd a lady walks in a funny hat like Shapoklyak’s, but there’s a funny sign at the beauty salon, and there’s a man there, well, a copy of a cartoon character.
Watch performances by stand-up comedians. How gracefully they joke about the shortcomings of the world or their own shortcomings! But not all authors, some slip into vulgarity. In my opinion, stand-up comedian George Carlin is excellent in his genre.
Always watch others' reactions to your jokes. You can directly ask someone close to you to observe you, criticize, help, or suggest.

In general, you need to develop yourself and grow personally.

Leveraging the expertise of influencers

In order to learn how to joke well, you can choose an authoritative funny guy on television and repeat his jokes. If you think it smells like plagiarism, the phrase can be modified without affecting the meaning. With such imitation, you can impress others without problems, because few will know that this is not your impromptu. By repeating humorous phrases, you develop associative thinking, which is the basis for developing a sense of humor. In addition, an ironic attitude towards surrounding people, events or phenomena is formed, and this is the path to quality jokes.

Exercises to develop a sense of humor

Spend at least an hour a day on each exercise.

Ambiguity

Remember as many words as possible with double meanings. The principle of such jokes: in the first sentence we think about one meaning, and already in the second we understand that the meaning was different. That's why it's funny.

From the reverse

The easiest way. Learn to comment on things by imagining them in the opposite sense. This is how expressions a la “You are smart today” are born (when a person is clearly rumpled in front of us). The main thing is not to go to the extreme of insults and caustic humor. It is with the “reverse” technique that such a danger exists.

Associations

Look for some interesting elements in your friends and come up with associations for them on paper. You can come up with whatever you want, but if it’s better for the “guinea pig” not to know, then burn and tear up the papers.

Fantasies

Every day, choose one letter and try to come up with sentences consisting of words exclusively starting with that letter. Let it come out unrealistic, absurd. Doesn't matter! You learn to be creative, develop your thinking, imagination, and expand your vocabulary.

You can always develop a sense of humor. Yes, some people are naturally endowed with wit to a greater extent, others less so, but this is not so important. It would be more accurate to say that some people have higher natural emotionality and sensitivity, but the acuity and flexibility of the intellect, abstract-logical and creative thinking, as well as understanding people and situations are a gain. The main thing is not to be lazy and regularly improve yourself.

A joke is a joke, or should you watch your words?

Definitely necessary! After all, jokes sometimes concern the actions and characteristics of another person. It is important here not to touch a sore spot, not to offend. Not everyone will understand a joke about themselves, even if it is expressed in a positive way. First, you can practice on yourself, notice your comical moments and laugh about them. This will help you practice good laughter, perceive your own and other people's actions ironically, and will also give you confidence in the process of formulating quality jokes.

But you don’t need to go too far in controlling your sayings, because humorous masterpieces are born in a relaxed and confident state, so sometimes you need to give free rein to your words.