Learning to laugh at yourself is the easiest way to inner peace. It also helps us to be more resilient and kind. But this is not as simple as it might seem at first glance. Only the most evolved of us can truly learn this.
To learn to laugh at yourself, you must have a well-developed sense of self-awareness. But even more important is a high level of self-acceptance. If you're lucky enough to grow up in an environment that encourages these abilities, that's great! If not, we must work every day to acquire them or develop them. We live in a society where others criticize others. This type of environment is a product of our collective security.
However, many people are frightened by these judgments. Learning to laugh at yourself is a way to become independent of the opinions of others. How can we do this? Here are some tips.
Happy are those who can laugh at themselves, because they never stop having fun.
Saint Thomas More
Balance of who we are and who we want to be
Who we are is one thing, and who we want to be is another. This seems pretty self-explanatory, but sometimes it's not as simple as it seems. This happens especially if we are given a very rigid idea of what “should be.”
This can make it difficult to differentiate between reality and the expectations that shape us. When this happens, it's like being permanently in debt.
This “wanna be” and “should be” can get in the way of appreciating who we really are. For example, let's say you're short. You've heard so many jokes and negative messages about short people that you end up despising your height.
You feel intimidated by tall people and wear incredibly tall shoes to hide your height. You don't take advantage of situations where being small is an advantage.
Children
You can watch children - they always look funny and are simply magnificent in their frivolity and “fooling around”. Perhaps after such observations a person will develop the habit of making faces at himself in the mirror. This is even great.
This new hobby will help you feel more relaxed and free. And it will definitely rid your face of the heavy mask of snobbery.
Develop Selfish Intelligence
To learn to laugh at yourself, you must abandon narcissism and develop healthy self-interest. Narcissism is associated with a sense of personal pride. On the other hand, healthy self-interest is the attempt to find what is good and useful for oneself before seeking it for others.
When you feel personal pride, it is difficult to laugh at you. In these cases, we want to be the best, the most beautiful, the smartest. But since these are impossible desires, they only cause disappointment.
On the contrary, if we analyze situations for selfish purposes, we can accept ourselves as we are. We recognize that we must be true to ourselves above all else.
Thus, it is much easier to laugh at our mistakes and failures without thinking about how others see us. We're talking about healthy self-interest just to be clear.
“The more a person is able to laugh at himself, the happier he is.”
The Let's Theater is a subtle, ironic, touching and very funny clown show for children and adults. You need to go to Davai performances for a good mood and bright emotions. Once you have visited one of them, you will most likely return again. “Come on” is three artists, three clowns: Fyodor Makarov , Lesha Gavrielov and Vitaly Azarin . The guys are based in Tel Aviv and travel around the world on tour. We talked with Lesha and Fedya about how the ability to laugh at oneself helps in life, what a clown and a doctor have in common, and where artists go first when they come to Moscow on tour.
Many people are afraid to be funny. Your job is to go on stage and make people laugh at you. How does it feel?
Lesha: This is just a wonderful task. Because the more a person is able to laugh at himself, the happier he is. I take my profession as a clown seriously. Sometimes before a performance some thoughts begin to creep in: the performance is about to start, you must be the best, make the best performance, the funniest, the most amazing. And then I start laughing at myself: for some reason you are pouting like a fool, as if you now have to surprise everyone, as if you owe something to someone. If at such moments you manage to see yourself from the outside, see the absurdity of this seriousness and laugh at yourself, it seems to me that it helps a lot in life.
Is it possible to learn to laugh at yourself? Or is this an innate quality?
Lesha: It’s unlikely to be congenital. This comes with time, with wisdom. A wise person knows how to laugh at himself, but an unwise person does not (laughs). This is the ability to move some distance away from your loved one, look at yourself from the outside, next to others - and look, as if from the outside, at the world, at the big globe on which you are a small grain of sand. Then it becomes funny, and all problems go away somewhere.
Fedya: I think it comes from my family. My dad was a master at laughing at himself. I can say that I have such a gift from him - self-irony.
Okay, can you then learn to be funny?
Fedya: I worked in the theater for Slava Polunin for 15 years. Before this, I studied a little at all.
Lesha: I studied acting. In order to make people laugh, you need, firstly, to learn to laugh at yourself, secondly, internal content, thirdly, external skills - good control of the body, hear music, not be afraid, want to communicate with the public, be interested in contact. First of all, inner openness is needed. Plus a lot of developments. There are people who, no matter what they do, everything is funny. You don't have to learn this way. And that's great.
During your last Moscow tour, the whole family attended the children's play “Solar Story”. Adults and children laugh equally. How do you manage to be funny to both at the same time?
Lesha: If we ourselves are not funny, then probably no one will be funny. To be honest, I am not in favor of making performances only for children, because children are quite intelligent creatures and sometimes feel more than we understand with our minds. Therefore, by the way, a children's performance without words goes much more naturally. It seems to me that a universal language is a language from heart to heart.
Fedya: I would say that we do childish things without pretending to be children and without humiliating ourselves. We are adults, we don't hide it. We send our message on several levels at once - both children and adults. And this is precisely the pleasure of our performances, that we play for everyone at the same time - for mothers and fathers, grandparents, for children. And as the performance progresses, you are constantly looking for an addressee. Who are you with now? You will like it, and this will probably be understandable and interesting to you. This is roughly how it goes.
You perform your performances all over the world. Do audiences accept it the same way, or is it different everywhere?
Lesha: Of course, there is a difference. I really liked it in Mexico. We took an adult performance there, and many spectators came with children. I don’t know, maybe it’s a tradition there. The atmosphere was exactly the same as at a children's play. And we felt completely relaxed. Although the topic was a little more adult, both adults and children laughed equally.
Does it happen that the audience doesn’t laugh?
Lesha: It happens, yes. It depends on the place you play and the audience. There may be some shortcomings of ours. But differences in mentality may also have an effect. For example, in India we played the same adult play as in Mexico, and there were episodes when the audience usually laughs one hundred percent, and we know that everyone will be “hit”, and then there is silence. It’s not that they don’t understand humor, but what is satire for us, they perceive as drama. We laugh at the situation, we laugh at the hero who is in this difficult situation, and this is understandable for the European viewer. This is such irony, black humor, an invitation to laugh at yourself. And the Indians really empathize with him at this moment. But other things will make them laugh. And sometimes it happens, at children's performances, that the audience sits as if spellbound, and instead of laughing, they are in deep amazement, stunned by what is happening on stage. They find it more surprising than funny, which is also very pleasant for us.
Fedya, you once said that the prerogative of a clown, like a child, is to tell the truth. How do you manage to tell the truth in such a way that people are not offended and so that they laugh at this truth with you?
Fedya: For example, in our play “Sunny Story” two heroes always get involved in conflicts: I will do better than you, but I know better than you. Any human conflict moves the plot. We quarrel, we do some stupid things, but then we realize how important it is for us to be with each other. We are very worried when we are alone, and we are happy when we meet again. Does this somehow answer the question?
Lesha: I worked a lot in the hospital clown show. There I really felt the power of a clown. If this truth is from the bottom of my heart, then everything is forgiven for the clown. In general, a clown can do anything if he is real, if he speaks this perhaps bitter, ugly truth from the bottom of his heart. In any case, the clown will say it funny, and not moralizing: you are bad, you are behaving badly.
Fedya: More likely, he will say that we are all like that.
Lesha: Yes, the clown first of all laughs at himself. If the clown himself felt what he was laughing at, then it turns out that he was laughing at himself.
When you take off your costumes and makeup, do you turn into serious adults and take a break from your stage images? Or do you continue to “clown”?
Fedya: I'm resting, Lesha is clowning around. We have to do a lot of organizational activities. In order to enjoy the performance yourself and give it to people, you have to do a lot of boring things: apply for grants, prepare proposals, write letters. This is such a boring adult activity, not funny at all.
Lesha: Do we play the fool in everyday life? Yes, in different ways. Fedya clowns sometimes, I probably do it more often. We also have a third wonderful clown on our team, and he clowns non-stop, even when he’s serious - it’s just a complete clownery. But after the performance, when all the problems are solved, the tasks are completed, we become cheerful and, probably, funny.
How did you realize that you wanted to become a clown? Usually they want to become a lawyer, banker, doctor.
Fedya: In my opinion, becoming a doctor is much more strange. Poking needles at someone... As a child, I dreamed of what I would become when I grew up. Among other options was clowning. This is such a childhood dream. My parents wrote down all sorts of things I said. For example, one statement was about what I want to be, and there is a long list: a musketeer, a fireman, an astronaut, a princess, a banker, a translator, even a conductor. And there was a dream about clownery. Now I'm a clown and I can be anyone. I have already conducted an orchestra several times; I have a grandmother character, a samurai. I can change professions at least every day. Very profitable. You don't need to be born again, you can just change your clothes.
Lesha: A clown is in some ways a doctor too. It may sound trite, but a clown is a doctor for the soul. We also use scalpels and try to learn how to cut correctly. Because you can cut it in such a way that there will be injury. But you come to this with experience. Yes, the work of a clown turns out to be very responsible. By the way, I didn’t think at all that I would be a clown. At first I went to study to be an actor, and then at some point, in the midst of my studies, I realized that I didn’t want to talk on stage, I wanted to clown almost without words. And so it happened. And as a child, I also wanted to become a clown or an acrobat. Then I forgot about it.
I’ll also ask about my childhood. You have chosen a profession that you clearly like and in which you are successful. What role did your parents play in this?
Fedya: My parents have always been with both hands for everything I do, they have always supported me. In my family, everyone has achieved something great in art (Fedya’s mother is Elena Makarova, a famous art therapist, ceramist, author of books, sister Maria Makarova is an artist. - Ed.). Therefore, there was simply no option not to engage in art. “Sorry, I don’t want to do art, I’ll just sit quietly on the sidelines” - this wouldn’t have worked, they would definitely have thrown me down the stairs. They wouldn't allow talent to be buried.
Lesha: It was different for me. My parents are both hydrometeorologists; they were not particularly interested in art in the family. But since childhood I loved Nikulin and Mironov. And at some point I announced that I wanted to become an actor. My parents were about to let me down the stairs, but then my mother even found an interview with my future acting master. She gave me a newspaper that had a phone number, I called it, and they took me to study.
Are your stage images - Fedya the clown, Lesha the clown - invented characters or you yourself?
Lesha: This is a good question. A real clown, it seems to me, comes more from himself. Something changes depending on the circumstances, on the story: the mustache is larger or smaller, the nose is put on, but no matter how much I tried to create clown images, find a new character, play someone completely different, nothing worked. In the end, I always come to myself. A little extravagant, exaggerated, but that’s me. Internally, I would like to be exactly like this.
So, when you go on stage, you become yourself?
Lesha: Yes. On stage I live in the present. In life it doesn’t always work out like this - there are some problems, worries. We live in the past, the future and very rarely the present. But on stage you forget about everything, there is only now. And this is great happiness. This is why I love my profession. On stage everyone is looking at you, it heightens the sensations. This becomes a very important time. You can be yourself, and you still have at least a hundred witnesses. And they see who you really are.
Isn't it scary to be naked like that in public?
Lesha: Not scary at all. I think it's wonderful.
Fedya: We fools have nothing to hide.
Where do ideas for performances come from?
Lesha: Usually from life, from some experience. You are walking down the street, you see: two people met, one said something, the other answered. Like that. I always watch people and try to take notes. Some situations sink into the soul, and then come out on stage at some point, sometimes several years later.
Are you peeking?
Lesha: Yes, I really like to peek. I simply love it. I remember when I was little, I lived in a five-story building, and I had binoculars through which I looked into the windows of the house opposite. I don't hide my passion. Not in the sense of watching what people are doing when no one is looking. I can even sit on a bench outside and watch. I'm very interested in how you can express a person's thoughts without words. The less a person shows his feelings, the more you want to look into him and understand what is going on inside him, what he is thinking about, what his story is, where he came from, where he is going, why he blinked now.
Fedya, Lesha, you were both born in Russia, now live in Israel, perform all over the world. Where is your home?
Fedya: My home now is Tel Aviv. But this is now. I'm not very attached to him. This is the arrival point. There were sometimes periods in life when a fantasy began: here I will give my strength to some city, tame this city, these people, and this will be my city, and I will be for it, because I love it or will love it, and We will have a relationship, affection for each other. But so far this is not happening.
Lesha: Last year we decided to move to a new large building, we wanted to make our theater there. We have a studio in Tel Aviv where we perform plays, but it is small, for 30 people. There were plans to take a larger building and make it the first clowning theater in Israel. We wanted this theater to become our home. But it hasn’t worked out yet.
When you come to Russia, where do you go first and what do you do?
Lesha: To the theater.
Fedya: To the supermarket. Real artists go from the plane to the supermarket. Because on tour, you know, the first thing you have to do is buy yourself yogurt so that you can wake up and drink it in the morning.
Do you miss anything in Russia that is missing in Israel?
Lesha: I miss normal weather, snow, real winter, beautiful spring, nature. Israel has beautiful nature, but very harsh.
Fedya: Despite the big changes that have occurred in Russia recently, there remains great respect for the theater here. More than in the country where we live. It is a special pleasure for us to perform here, because both adults and children are much more thoughtful, attentive, and with greater understanding of what we do. What happens on stage is much more important to the people here, and this is a great joy for us.
Interviewed by Yulia Kovalenko
Judge yourself with kindness so you can laugh at yourself
Sometimes we judge ourselves harshly, we do not accept our mistakes and punish ourselves for them. Very often we demand much more from ourselves than we can. If you want to learn to laugh at yourself, first learn to treat yourself with kindness.
Saying, doing or thinking something wrong is not a grave sin. It is the weakness that makes us more human. Making mistakes gives us the opportunity to improve and continue to grow.
What is self-irony
What does self-irony mean? This is the ability to laugh at your own shortcomings, mistakes and mistakes. This is the ability to discuss shortcomings in a positive way, analyze them and learn lessons. Self-irony helps people avoid conflict situations, not be offended by criticism and remarks, and prevent humiliation. It protects against feelings of guilt, irritation, stress, and depression. In addition, this is a good opportunity to maintain self-esteem at the proper level.
In simple terms, self-irony means constructive, but at the same time positive criticism.
Self-irony has nothing to do with self-deprecation. Destructive humor is akin to self-reproach, unhealthy criticism, and insults. It can't be called casual. He does not defuse the situation, but, on the contrary, encourages others to feel sorry for the person. Behind self-humiliation, an individual hides a lack of confidence in himself and his strengths, a lack of acceptance of himself as an individual. Essentially, this is a comparison or reproach. Whereas a person with self-irony accepts himself with all his strengths and weaknesses.
Self-irony in psychology
In psychology, self-irony is a sign of the health and maturity of an individual. In addition, self-irony, according to psychologists, is a sign of high intelligence, strong self-confidence, and high self-esteem.
If a person can laugh at himself, for example, at his appearance or character, others will perceive him as an open and friendly interlocutor. They will trust him.
Self-irony in philosophy
Self-irony as a life position became popular in the 19th century. However, its origins date back to the time of Socrates. Generally speaking, for the figures of that period this ability was the essence of art (Zolger), the opposition to the expressed idea (Losev).
Count on yourself
If we can't count on ourselves, we can't count on anyone. Instead of having a harsh inner voice, we need to support ourselves. We should try our best to forgive ourselves instead of blaming ourselves. Try to motivate and appreciate yourself, rather than punish and scold yourself.
When we know how to support ourselves, we don't become lazy or careless. Being too hard on yourself only leads to emotional stress. On the contrary, flexibility and kindness lead to balance and a better relationship with ourselves.
Take risks
Allow yourself for one day to be whoever you want, the kind of person you want, without adjusting to the interests of others, but only completely following your desires. True, in the worst case scenario, you will have to restore your reputation over the next few days, but it will be worth it. In a good situation, a person will see that his present, with all its extravagant manifestations, is perceived by those around him very willingly.
For example, you can come to karaoke with friends (especially those novice comedians who have had a bear in their ear, and not alone, but with friends) and say a few ironic phrases about your complex relationship with music. The wish will come true. Instead of, as usual, not taking part in the chants, those around you will begin to support and invite you to the microphone. You no longer have to restrain yourself; you can sing to your heart’s content, both without a voice and without hearing. Friends themselves asked when they were honestly warned about their lack of talent.
Exercise your laughter
Find reasons to laugh every day. Laughter is great for emotional health, but it also helps us be less rigid. This helps us take life less seriously and allows it to flow more spontaneously. In the end, all this helps us feel better.
Learning to laugh at yourself is fundamental to good mental health. It also helps us socially. When we realize that arrogance and pride are just getting in our way, we take a huge step forward.
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Examples of self-irony from the lives of celebrities
An example of how stars joke about themselves is Leonardo DiCaprio's prank. It is known that the actor could not receive the coveted Oscar for a long time. When he finally got the prize, while engraving the statuette, he asked the master: “Do you engrave the Oscars every year? I just don’t know how to know.”
A treasure trove of humor in Russian cinema is the unforgettable Faina Ranevskaya. One day they asked her why she did not resort to plastic surgery. The actress instantly retorted: “Why fix the façade if the whole sewer system is rusty?”
When Ranevskaya was already an adult, a friend asked her opinion about modern medicine, whether there was any movement forward and development. Faina Georgievna replied: “But of course! When I was young I was always asked to take off my clothes. And today it’s enough to stick your tongue out at the doctor.”
The famous Soviet physicist L.D. Landau had a great sense of humor. It is he who owns the phrase: “I don’t have a physique, but a body subtraction.”
Self-irony is fully inherent in Ksenia Sobchak. At the Silver Galosh award ceremony, Ksenia came dressed as a “horse” and literally galloped across the stage. After this prank, the number of corresponding jokes addressed to her decreased significantly. The meaning of the vicious attacks was lost. Sobchak has surpassed all her ill-wishers in ridiculing herself.
Condition
This humorous approach perfectly helps to maneuver in today's changing world. You just need to understand where and when to use self-irony. Take, for example, the same advertisement. For the entertainment industry and product manufacturers, self-irony is just what the doctor ordered. But such a trick will not work with a serious notary office. They also don’t joke when it comes to health and finances – this is, at the very least, inappropriate.
The presence of self-irony contributes to the creation and strengthening of interpersonal relationships. But if, for example, a girl laughs at herself too artificially, a lot and often, then this does not indicate her positivity at all, but rather the manifestation of a defensive reaction and a kind of attempt to hide her complexes.
