That I love? It is not so easy to answer this question for an adult who is accustomed to the restrictions of everyday life, has a profession and obligations to loved ones, and who, in the end, has somehow quietly forgotten how to dream... But everything can be fixed! To find your ikigai - the harmony of life - the question “What do I love?” can be divided into more specific ones, and it will be easier to answer them. Shall we try?
How do you know what life suits you best? To do this, you need to answer the 4 questions of Ikigai to discover your passions, your mission, your profession and your calling. “What I love” + “What I am good at” + “What I can do for a living” + “What the world needs” = ikigai.
But we must keep in mind that the answers to these 4 questions should not be hasty; it will take some time for soul-searching. Sit in a quiet, peaceful place and make sure you are not disturbed. Grab a pen and notebook and wait for inspiration to strike. Ready?
Ikigai circles represent a diagram - here you can enter answers as you receive them. Each of the 4 large circles corresponds to one of the pillars of Ikigai. The first stage involves filling in the circles. Once the circles are filled, we will focus on their intersections, trying to find some common points and combinations, and filling them in too.
Choose the specific filling method yourself. One word, phrase, list, assumption, specific instruction... Relax and write what comes to mind, and when it comes, especially in large circles.
If you have several ideas that initially seem unrelated, don't stop yourself. The connection will be revealed later. And don't panic: to avoid spreading yourself thin, come up with good questions for each circle and try to find clear and relevant answers for them.
Today we will complete the first circle - “What I love.” The goal of this stage is to determine what exactly gives you pleasure, arouses curiosity, excites, inspires, amuses... in other words, makes you happy!
However, the vast majority of people (about 80%) are not able to immediately name the subject of their passion, so don’t put pressure on yourself and don’t rush to answer. Start by preparing the ground: remember the activities that bring you joy and look for common ground.
Identify what's bothering you
You can make a healthy decision about what you want to do only when there is nothing holding you back. If you are upset or your head is full of things to do, then you will never be able to make a decision. Figure out what exactly is annoying you at the moment. “Working in an office makes me angry” is not the answer. What specific aspect of the job is causing you anxiety? Is your boss annoying? Schedule? Unhappy with your position?
Think about how to fix this. Perhaps there are no serious problems in the current situation and changing just a couple of aspects will make you a happy person.
I satisfy curiosity
Tell me what piques your curiosity and I'll tell you what you're passionate about!
Suppose you are offered to write a book on some practical or historical topic, or a report, or make a documentary film, reportage... What topic will you choose? What topic interests you enough that you would be happy to devote time to this work, studying sources, thinking, delving into the question?
You can list several topics. It is important that the research on the chosen topics inspires you, that it is important to you personally, intellectually, emotionally, that is, we are talking about something more than a good diploma, a new line in the record or recognition.
It will help you decide the answer to the question “What are my favorite books and films? What does this say about my tastes?
Be positive
Life doesn't always go according to the script we write. But there is no need to fall into apathy if something doesn’t work out. Instead of grieving and doing nothing, continue what you started with a vengeance. Sooner or later success will come. Don't give up, but think about the good and do what you've dreamed of all your life.
Just don’t think that finding your purpose is easy. Many people search for it all their lives. The main thing is not to stop and keep looking. One day this will definitely happen. Until then, try different professions and activities. After all, without trying, you will never know whether it is for you or not.
I find my favorite activities
- Make a list of all the things you currently enjoy doing (it doesn't have to be a real passion). There are no restrictions, your list can include 20, or even 100 items, if you like. What amuses you, gives you joy, inspires you, lifts your spirits, calms you, makes you happy? Write without thinking too much!
- Go through the list you just made and identify 1 to 3 activities that will put you in a state of flow.
- Now highlight one or those activities for which you can say that you are ready to put up with even the most unpleasant aspects of them , if you have to devote yourself completely to them.
What do you enjoy doing so much that your passion is stronger than all the inherent limitations and negative aspects of this activity? For example, a writer puts up with the fact that writing requires spending a lot of time completely alone.
Pay attention to social networks. What do you like to share with other users? Scroll through your pages and posts on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter... What topics come up regularly in your posts? In your photos on Instagram, you can most often see the dishes you have prepared, landscapes, people (you and your friends)? What topics do you share most often on Twitter and Facebook? What are your posts talking about? They say a lot about your tastes and preferences! Maybe you have a passion for cooking or landscapes?
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Re-Self
A happy person is characterized by having a healthy appetite for life. The process itself pleases him. If you look more closely, it will not be difficult to see the recipe that all such people have in common: 1) they know how to accurately determine what they want and 2) they get it. How can I understand what I really want?
I remember that day, about a year ago, when I suddenly clearly realized that the transformation that I had been striving for for so long had entered my life. Despite the fact that there were still many unresolved tasks and questions, there were doubts, fears and other accompaniments of any change - but one change nevertheless irrevocably happened: I knew exactly what I wanted . Moreover, in all areas of life and at different periods of time.
If you woke me up in the middle of the night, demanding to list what interests me in this life, I would blurt out without a shadow of a doubt where I was going. And with a fair amount of specifics. If you offered me to change these goals to other, no less attractive ones, I would refuse, because my scope already gives me enough space to spread my wings. If my life had been faced with a choice – a loved one or these goals, I would have chosen the latter. Since true love will not set such a condition, and everything else is a fake from dreams on the topic of saving love, which will make you happy for the rest of your life and save you from the need to act. And there is no longer a place for this illusion in my life.
It's an interesting feeling to know what you want and where you're going, because it doesn't take away the freedom of choice and the ability to change your mind, but you know that your choice has been made.
Absolute freedom does not exist, but there is freedom to make a decision, and after that you are bound by your choice
P. Coelho, "Zaire"
Committing yourself to such a choice is a truly wise step, since it is concentration on a single vector that helps you go through stage after stage and feel the rhythm of life, giving birth to the joy of conscious movement forward. This is also the only way to have what you want for those who are not afraid to dream big.
To describe it simply, the picture looks like this:
– In order to be inspired by the movement towards your desires, they must be large - that is, have a scope for the flight of your soul. Global goals give rise to the belief that our capabilities are much wider, thereby unlocking our inner potential and giving us a surge of strength.
– To achieve big goals, you need time during which you will move in the chosen direction without changing direction. Only a long movement in one direction can give a tangible result. You have the right to change your goal, change your mind, choose something else - please. The divine right of free choice is always with you, just like the law of cause and effect: every time you start something else, you start a new path, and you also need to stay on it for a long time without changing the sharpness of your focus.
– In order not to succumb to the temptation of choice and not change your direction, you need to decide exactly what you want . Therefore, it is reasonable at a certain point in life to decide for yourself exactly: “Who am I?” and “Where am I going?” Otherwise, people often change their minds, try many directions at once, do not really succeed anywhere and generally give up any attempts, thereby beginning a smooth descent down the ladder of their prospects.
If you are ready, you don’t need to prepare.
Once you have a direction, it is easier to deal with doubts and tempting opportunities. It’s easier not to be distracted from the essence and keep focus on one thing. When this choice has not yet been fully made and you continue to wait for a miracle (they say, somehow everything will work out by itself), then you swim wherever the wind blows. I think none of us would want to find ourselves on an uncontrollable ship on the ocean or on a boat floating in a fast current without oars. So why do many people like this dangerous approach so much: “floating with the flow of life without any goals?” Isn’t it obvious that it leads to the stones of a helpless old age ?
The World Athletics Championships are currently underway in Moscow - how interesting it is to watch some of the competitions. Look.
What is the essence of the victory of this or that athlete? Some will say that hard training coupled with natural abilities, but still the root is deeper - in their choice to focus on one specific sport that suited them best and improve in it.
Only long-term and technically correct training in one direction can give the desired result. But each of today's sports stars, having, in principle, a strong body and certain talents, could run from sprint to jump, from jump to marathon, from marathon to all-around, calling it a search for oneself. Deciding on a direction as early as possible is the most important decision in sports, and everyone knows about it, which is interesting, but in life it is also the most important decision, although much fewer people take it into account.
To get what you want, you need to choose a single vector and move in its direction, constantly improving over a long time.
Hence the logical question: do you know what you want from your life? In all areas?
I didn't know for a long time. Or rather, she misinterpreted her desires. For example, I sincerely wanted to live by the sea. And only after 2 years, closely spent by the sea, I realized that I really want to regularly travel to the sea, and to the mountains, and to the forests, and to the snow, that is, to travel a lot around the world, and only during breaks between something more significant and creative, for example the development of your project, and living by the sea is not at all necessary. A big city answers much more of my questions than an island isolated from the world. In my personal life, I also had dreams in the style of “maybe I will become a wonderful housewife and keeper of the hearth and will not do anything,” which made my own universe laugh a lot with the corresponding lessons.
For every talent we will be asked.
But every time, even when the next “I want” turned out to be more of my fantasy about a wonderful future, and not an adult decision, I continued to move forward. I wanted to live by the sea - I went there to live. I wanted a free schedule - I found a way to work as a freelancer. I realized that I had to return to Moscow and moved. I wanted an original project - and here it is in front of you. It was this movement, and not reflection (!), that gave us the skill to separate the grains of the true aspirations of the soul from the chaff of idle entertainment that leads nowhere. At some point, real goals began to take on a more and more distinct form, leaving behind all the imposed husk.
This is an illustration of my favorite example with a long climb into the mountains - at first you don’t even see the top, but as you approach, with the next observation deck, your view increases and at some point the goal becomes quite visible . But if you don’t get off the couch and start this path of conscious movement along the edges of your “I want” and “I can,” then don’t ask for the top.
Some tips on how to understand your true desires and find inspiring goals
0. Tip number “zero” – start a conscious movement, first towards any immediate desire. I need to start moving uphill in order to continue to talk about where exactly my road is in all this splendor. If you plan to start and do something only when you find your Path or destiny, you simply will not leave the threshold of your home. This is called “sofa self-searching”, and it’s funny.
1. Pay attention to your own desires
Having a large number of desires and ideas is a sign of high energy. Don't give up on your aspirations. And don’t listen to those who say that desires are bad. Desires encourage us to move forward, grow and overcome ourselves, or rather, our own ideas about ourselves. Desires are catalysts of vital energy. Another question is that when potential remains unrealized, it begins to put pressure. That is why it is useful to fulfill desires in every sense.
The difference between a true dream or a “social” one, that is, an imposed one, is most often realized only in practice, and not in the mind. Be prepared for a stage of trial and error , especially if you grew up in a very “closed-minded” environment, but this stage is also very productive.
Most often I receive letters in the style of “how to change everything, but not make a mistake.” That's the point: no way. Yes, you may make a mistake, but even a mistake with a sincere intention to change for the better and realize your potential to the maximum will be beneficial, because it will remove another layer of blinders from your eyes, which you will never see unless you try.
A loser is someone who, out of fear of failure, didn’t even try.
It was the mistakes that brought me to that very observation deck where I was able to clearly see what I want: who to be, what to have, where to go. And as a bonus, she understands that she no longer intends to endure it.
2. Find the intersection between desires and abilities
The single vector that was discussed is very often at the junction of “I want” and “I can”. That is, these are not just your current abilities, but multiplied by great desires. What you have inclinations and talents for, but in the context of a big dream. This is the conscious development of your abilities into mastery, which allows you to fulfill your wildest desires. As soon as you find this joint, give it priority. Nothing makes a person internally whole and calm more than a clear understanding of where he is going.
3. The biggest goal should always have points of contact with the moment now
A goal differs from fantasy only in the presence of real steps now in the chosen direction. In all other cases, if you want to, but don’t do it, it’s nothing more than a childhood dream that is unlikely to ever come true.
To get somewhere, you need to know the destination. This is primary. And the sooner you decide on it, the clearer everything that happens around you becomes. I wish you to realize it and choose from all the diversity.
♥
Olesya Vlasova
TO THE ROOM URGENTLY
If you still have some room in your heart for this New Year 2022, then underwater meditation in the Maldives is the answer. We have been conducting Return to Others retreats for six years now and this is one of our main programs. Immersion into ourselves through immersion under water - the environment from which we came. It will not be possible to tell all the details in a short announcement, I will clarify only one thing - it is suitable for beginners. For the rest, follow the link >> There is the daily schedule, answers to all questions, cost, accommodation conditions, many reviews and a photo report from a trip to the same place in August 2021. It’s time to breathe it all out!
PS You can get acquainted with my personal collection of sources on the topic of physics and metaphysics of conscious changes (what I inspire myself and what I recommend to you) at this link >>. The result was 54 books, 64 articles, 13 websites, 20 films, 20 videos + some personal stuff.
How goals are related to the rationalization of life and why you shouldn’t set them
There are people who live harmoniously: they know how to combine work and leisure and enjoy what they do. But not everyone is capable of this. If a person fails to do this, he begins to rush around and tries to find a suitable activity for himself. In order to somehow live, he works at a job he doesn’t like - to earn money. Realizing that this is not enough, he begins to set goals for himself. For example, learn English in one year or lose 20 kg in nine months. That is, he does not enjoy life and tries to rationalize it. One of the greatest and at the same time inadequate people, Count Tolstoy set himself goals for the year ahead: what to read and learn. He did not live in peace. If a person likes to learn English, he does it; when he gets bored, he stops. This is fine. Many people run for meaning all their lives, and before death they realize that there is none and that all goals and guidelines were false.
When a person feels good, he does not think about goals, meanings, or guidelines. He just lives. He sets goals, but he does it for reasons of self-realization, because he enjoys it. When a person feels bad, he begins to cling to everything possible. Often such people find help in religion, which acts as “crutches” for lost souls: it gives them what they need, since it consists entirely of guidelines, meanings and goals. Freud, himself a devout man, called religion a collective neurosis because it gives something that a person cannot understand on his own.
Search for meaning in life as an indicator of dissatisfaction
It is generally accepted that the search for life goals and guidelines is a philosophical issue and is characteristic of highly intelligent individuals. Actually this is not true. People who live in harmony with themselves and enjoy life do not think about such topics. This is the lot of those who have ceased to receive satisfaction from their own actions. When a person has pain in his arm or leg, he begins to pay more attention to it and listen to the sensations. It’s the same with the meaning of life: as soon as a person becomes ill, he immediately loses it and, due to the inability to find peace, begins to “work with his brain” and look for himself.
What does it take to love?
1. Self-confidence. If you don’t have it, then you are blocking your true feelings. You are afraid to show them. The logic is something like this: if I don’t love myself, then who needs me? We urgently need to get rid of this perception. For example, by taking part in my new course “Secrets of Women’s Happiness.”
2. Ability to serve. Let me make a reservation right away that this is not a “slave” position. I always repeat that those girls who serve the goals of their man will achieve a lot. They can motivate and empathize. They know that loving means understanding your partner and always being on his side.
3. The ability to express love. With looks, phrases, smiles, hugs. In other words, it is important to be in a true feminine state. If you can’t achieve it yet, I recommend you the online training “The Art of Female Flirting.”
Chat with friends
Surely many people have friends who know more about their friend than he knows about himself.
A great way to self-determinate is to talk to friends and ask them some questions about your personality. Surely, you will hear a lot of interesting information, since we often do not see ourselves from the outside, but our friends do. But, in this method, it is very important to remember one factor: it is best to talk about such topics with those friends in whom you really trust.
Because, otherwise, you may encounter envy or some other negative qualities, due to which a person with whom you do not have a very trusting relationship will not say the most accurate and objective information.
Because of this, the result may suffer significantly, and the activity will still not be enjoyable.
Bonus: You are focused on business
Here's what I've learned from watching from the outside: Entrepreneurial students are often more focused on the outcome than the process.
They want a “working app” that will allow them to move forward with their business idea, they want to “go to market first,” and they see extensive training as a barrier to their goal of launching their business. Analyzing students who had a real hard time growing as programmers, I came to the conclusion that a lack of patience in the learning process is a serious obstacle and really prevents them from understanding the technology. For them, technology is just a means to an end, not a vast, serious field of knowledge to be explored and enjoyed.
I have also encountered students who were more eager to get started than others and had significant learning difficulties. They were often in a hurry to find customers, signing up for work that they were not even able to do on their own! They grabbed onto all the resources/templates they found just to get the project started, or they outsourced some of the work to someone else. They were really bad at programming, but they were amazing at convincing people to pay them for it!
I would like to add that students who want to start a business are great at sales, communications and development, but have much more difficulty with the programming itself. Their natural desire to create financial opportunities and connect people and solutions makes them impatient with the tedious details that programming entails.
Download PDF - Instructions “How to find your calling in life in 20 minutes”
How does this happen? In childhood, because parents want the child to become more manageable, they try to somehow make him more obedient. After all, this is even a social bonus in the eyes of others: “I have very obedient children.” In fact, they are easily manageable.
How did the submission process usually take place? After all, the child is initially very active and climbs everywhere. They start to scare him. They put pressure on him. Yelling. They are threatening. They call me names. Sometimes they are punished physically. In some families - all the time. Or they are trying to somehow shame you. Or they say that the child is to blame for this and that. Like, look how your mother suffers because of you.
We have forgotten dozens of such moments that influenced our character and our destiny. The psyche did this on purpose so that it would not collapse completely
In general, as a result, the child becomes obedient to one degree or another. And after many years, he wonders why I am somehow lethargic and apathetic. We still have children in our house. There is a child in adults. And the reactions are appropriate. Such a lump of grievances, fears, lack of love and other things has formed. And he is inside us. But we don’t notice it at all.
In order for the energy to be released, this lump must be stirred up and removed using special techniques. Remove grievances, fears, guilt. Sometimes people cry when I do this kind of work with them. Adults. They cry over events that happened at least 15 years ago. Because these events and grievances still sit inside us. The psyche spends energy on containing such mini-bombs.
Afterwards it becomes easier to live and react to many things. And most importantly, it becomes possible to feel your desires. This means you become more energetic. During the period of work, we also, with the help of technicians, find out what a person wants to do in life, what his vector of development is.
Why do you do what you do?
As a rule, our past shapes our present. What you went through as a child and teenager will have a huge impact on how you see the world now and how you behave in it.
Your relationships with family and friends will play a big role in who you become. This can be positive (eg, “my dad was creative, and now I am too”), but it can also have negative consequences.
Think about your character and how it might be connected to your past - this will help you put together more pieces of the puzzle that makes up you.
At times, thinking about why we act the way we do can be a frustrating journey, but the questions we ask ourselves to trigger our emotions often yield clear answers.
By delving into the past that is hidden in your subconscious, you can learn a lot about yourself.
Try journaling - note certain patterns of behavior and try to find references to events from the past.
If it's too difficult for you, do it with a loved one, working through everything you remember from your childhood. You might be surprised to see the results!
❼
How to understand that you don’t know how to love: 5 signs
1. You can't live a day without your partner. It would seem that the main thought runs through all the songs and poems like a red thread: “I can’t live without him/her” or “I need him like air.” But in reality, how can you determine whether you love a person or not? In a good way, you do not dissolve in your partner, allowing both him and yourself to develop as individuals. You give some freedom, and don’t suffocate with your emotions.
2. You put the man's interests first. Naturally, you push yours into the background. This indicates your inability to assert personal boundaries. It is easy to subordinate you to someone else's will and imposed standards. I tell you how to get out of the vicious circle in my other article, “How to distinguish your desires from those imposed in the search for a calling?”
3. You are jealous. It's more about attachment than true feeling. You perceive a person as a part of yourself, and not as an independent person. Most likely, you do not know how to trust.
4. You are guided only by physical sensations. How can you understand that you don’t love a person, but are just obsessed with passion? Surely everyone has experienced “goosebumps” and “butterflies in the stomach”. But this is nothing more than a surge of hormones. By the way, if you are interested in learning more about the intimate side of relationships, I recommend taking a look at the “Love and Sex” section.
5. You are afraid of losing your partner. As a result, you are in constant tension and cannot relax. True love awakens the brightest thoughts and aspirations, and does not generate negativity.
Tests to understand your purpose
It is better to start this point when everything else has already been completed, so that its results do not interfere with you. Gardner's intelligence test determines which types of intelligence you have. Of course, it will not reveal everything, but after passing the test you can compare it with what you got, however, you will also have to do with the rest.
Aptitude test. You don't need an IQ test, it doesn't reveal ability. For example, you can take a test for analytical abilities (Kanysheva), a test for leadership abilities (Zharikov, Krushelnitsky). Career Guidance Tests (J. Holland), Yovaisha Questionnaire, OPQ(OPQ32). Numerical ability test ND1 (ND2, ND3). Other tests for verbal abilities, analytical abilities, logic, creativity, memory, attention.
Motivation tests: Drives questionnaire, test of the expression of 6 main motives at work.
Personal tests: Dimensions questionnaire, Myers-Briggs personality type determination, Dembo-Rubinstein test, Sopova and Karpushina.
You don’t need to do all the tests, choose 1-2 in each direction.
And how to understand your calling?
By adding up all the knowledge from tests and exercises, you will eventually get to what you really want, what you can do, what you know and what is important to you in life. Add up everything you like and subtract what you don't like. You will be left with several areas of activity that you want to do, where you want to be realized and where you have few obstacles. And then it will be quite easy for you to understand what you want. If you only do tests, you may not realize that you have found your purpose. For example, you love to cook, you like to cook and you understand food, but you don’t like (or can’t) stand for a long time, then you won’t make a cook. Would you like to do something related to cooking? But maybe you know how to serve dishes beautifully and shoot videos, which means that you might end up with a person who makes videos about restaurants, about cooking, or writes about it. Or maybe you will like the position of administrator or co-owner of a cafe? If you have management skills, you can handle it.
Those. With these exercises you will identify the areas in which you want to work and remove from them what you definitely do not want to do or cannot do. + using what you described in your ideal day, you can figure out the work schedule you like and the commute time to work. You can make it simpler, but you will have a larger scope and then you will have to figure it out. + By understanding what time you want to get up, how much time to spend on work, how to get to it, what motivates and inspires you, you narrow the circle of areas even more your implementation.
The approximate time for completing all points is 3-5 days (without straining too much). It may take a little longer or a little faster. Depending on the availability of free time and the desire to quickly get to the point. But, as you already understood, it will not be possible to understand your purpose in one go. Similar methods are used by psychologists and coaches. Therefore, by doing this yourself you will seriously save your budget.
Read how to find and understand yourself, questions and exercises for self-knowledge and why you shouldn’t be afraid of failures and how to get rid of this fear. Once you have identified your values and priorities, you can start planning your life. Read about life planning.
