Absolute calm is the state of our body that is considered to be the norm. With it, a person is relaxed, can fully control himself, adequately assess the situation, comprehend what is happening and make informed decisions. Not all people experience such calmness, especially in non-standard life situations, including during communication. Thus, the question arises, how to stop being nervous when communicating and learn to control yourself? Our tips will help solve this problem.
The words “don’t be nervous” are a good way to bring a person into a normal state of rage. Stas Yankovsky
How to stop being nervous when communicating with colleagues at a meeting?
Where does nervousness come from?
Nervousness occurs when irritating factors appear.
They can be different, but as soon as they begin to affect a person, the latter loses concentration and all his mental and physical energy is directed towards these same irritants, which switch all attention to themselves. At the same time, nervous excitation cannot a priori be considered a 100% deviation from the norm. On the contrary, a person needs it in order to recognize positive or negative situations in life and react to them or avoid them. But since it can be difficult to stop being nervous when communicating, and this state causes discomfort, it is important to be able to get rid of tension.
The response to nervous stimuli should always be adequate. If nervousness is excessive, then this becomes a serious problem. Nervous tension turns into stress, depression and entails serious consequences at the mental and physiological level.
This fear is so different
As the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan explains, there are eight types of psyche, which are called vectors. A vector is the innate properties and desires given by nature that shape a person’s character, his thinking characteristics, and determine his actions and actions.
Each vector has its own natural fears; they are quite specific. But only one single vector has absorbed all possible phobias, anxiety disorders and has simply become a champion of fears - it is called visual.
For whom is excessive nervousness dangerous?
Young people are most susceptible to nervousness, because their psyche does not yet know how to cope with everyday stress.
But even at a young age, there are people who cope with problematic situations more easily and easily, and there are those whose nervous system is overly vulnerable. It is this category of people who most often experience problems in relationships with other people, communication, and self-realization. Communication is a fundamental process in the formation of personality, a necessary condition for any development. That is why excessive nervousness and embarrassment in communicating with others is a serious problem, due to which misunderstandings arise, the inability to concentrate on the subject of discussion, lack of satisfaction from the conversation and, as a result, a narrowing of the circle of communication.
At an early age, this situation is considered as natural, but over time, if the problem remains, the difficulties worsen and the person cannot harmoniously integrate into society, realize himself, and develop. That is why it is important to take care of reducing nervousness, even getting rid of it completely.
In public
Communication with people is an important area of our lives, and it would be great if rhetoric was the subject of study at school. Thanks to the ability to speak beautifully, we make friends, family, and achieve success at work. Most conflicts stem from the inability to negotiate.
People suffer from loneliness only because they are embarrassed to talk to a handsome stranger or a beautiful stranger.
Many people remember their first speech at a meeting, meeting, or in front of a large audience. Fear of looking inappropriately in front of people and lack of self-confidence reduce a person’s ability to think, difficulty concentrating, some kind of emptiness in the head, the thread of the conversation is lost, the voice breaks treacherously, hands tremble. It is very difficult to overcome this state, direct thoughts in the right direction and start talking.
It often happens that a person communicates well among his friends, but in public he withdraws into himself and cannot find the right words.
Why do we become nervous when communicating?
Don't worry and tune in to the conversation
The reasons for this condition may be different. Nervousness appears when we are just making acquaintances and do not know the person with whom we are going to communicate. A natural situation of fear of being rejected or misunderstood arises.
This moment of nervous excitement only lasts for a while until we get used to the stranger and identify common interests. If for some people this slightest stress can pass completely without a trace, then people with a more vulnerable psyche continue to perceive a person with some caution and this becomes an obstacle in conversation.
The next reason for nervousness may be the status of the person with whom you must communicate. If we have to talk with a boss, a strict father, a man or woman for whom we do not like. Each of them evokes certain emotions in you - irritants that can lead to tension, fear or embarrassment.
Think through possible scenarios
You have already imagined the most pleasant thing that happened to you. Now we need to think about the opposite.
Remember the most stressful and difficult situation in your life related to communication. For example, an unsuccessful public speaking. Now imagine what you would do to save the situation if you went back in time.
This exercise will help you prepare for an upcoming important event. Think through different options: what could go wrong, what difficulties await. Remember everything you did before to take into account mistakes and avoid making them in the future.
How to stop being nervous?
Of course, no one will give you a universal recipe for how to stop being nervous when communicating.
If there is a problem, then it must be dealt with comprehensively and the cause must be understood. Often it lies precisely in the fact that a person is afraid of being misunderstood or rejected. A self-sufficient, self-confident person who knows how to listen and also knows how to clearly convey his thoughts to his interlocutor, no matter what they are, will probably never face the problem of nervousness during communication. That is why you need to work on yourself, be open to other people and expand your circle of acquaintances in order to gain experience in various communication situations and be able to respond to them.
It is also important to be able to evoke positive emotions in your interlocutor and not be afraid of being misunderstood or rejected. In this case, you can calmly communicate on various topics without experiencing any difficulties or being exposed to any stress. Well, if any arise, then you either stop communicating with the person or reduce it to a minimum.
It is important to understand that we cannot please everyone without exception. Some people are more active in communication, more open and interested in meeting new people, while others are closed and prefer to discuss less.
A few rules to help reduce nervousness:
- No matter who you have to communicate with, always remember the purpose of the conversation.
- Know how to listen to your interlocutor and always give him the opportunity to speak.
- Find something in common and try to show sincere interest in that area of the other person’s life that is in some way interesting to you.
- Don't be afraid to ask questions, even if you don't know what to ask.
- Be attentive to topics that are incomprehensible to you and even more unpleasant, no matter how much you want to succeed in communicating with the person you need.
- Never impose yourself on people who do not show any initiative in communication.
Do what you're afraid of
I will never be able to forget how I felt during the interview when entering a university. The tables at which the commission members sat were arranged in the letter P. And in front of them, in the most prominent place, stood a lonely chair, on which I was asked to sit. I sit down and feel myself starting to blush. My knees involuntarily bounce, no matter how hard I try to press them with shaking hands. There was a terrible confusion in my head. I was gripped not just by fear, but literally by horror. This silent scene took a little longer. When they asked me the first question in the field of chemistry, the answer to which I knew perfectly well, the muscles of my face were so tense that they did not allow my mouth to open for some time, and my mouth was so dry that my tongue could not turn. Only knowing the answers and an irresistible desire to study at this institute made me overcome the tension and speak. The more I focused on the questions, rather than on internal emotions, the freer I felt and the more confident I was in answering them.
Many people, when worried, even become speechless. There was a case in my life when I decided to help my classmate correct her bad grade in geography. Homework was to study the names of all the countries of the world and their capitals. At home we learned this topic together, and the girl repeated everything to me five times independently without prompting. On the way to school, she again told everything without a single mistake. And when the teacher called her to the board and asked her to tell this task, the girl could not say a single word. She explained her condition to me as stage fright, which paralyzed her ability to think.
Do what you are afraid of, then the fear will disappear (go to the dentist, jump into the water to learn to swim, get on a bike to learn to ride, etc.). With practice you can overcome your fear. At sales trainings, people are often given the task of asking 10 strangers for money or selling 10 people some trinket. This technique is based precisely on the principle - practice and you will succeed. After such 10, 20 people, you will already notice that the trembling in your voice has disappeared, after 10 sales you will feel the fear receding.
Work on yourself
We repel nervous attacks
Always be prepared to communicate. To find interesting interlocutors and enjoy communication, you yourself must have sufficient interests and comprehensive development. By reducing the number of topics you don't understand, you can easily find the subject of discussion and talk with people of different ages. This way, there will be no room for nervousness and you can share your knowledge calmly.
Avoid empty talk, chatter and gossip. Try to share knowledge, experience, ideas. If you like the person and your sympathy is mutual, worries and embarrassment during communication will disappear. Take this into account!
Get your muscles in order
Often during communication, when we are especially nervous, our muscle corset contracts strongly. Your arms and legs become pinched, your stomach cramps, your whole face tenses and wrinkles. Consciously observe this moment. Deliberately relax all muscle groups, stop clenching your fists and frowning. The muscles will send a signal to the brain that the body is already relaxed, and the tension will drop to “no”.
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How to stop being shy
Shyness to one degree or another is characteristic of every person.
However, if your shyness is a stable character trait, and, in addition, interferes with you, then you need to immediately begin to fight it. Otherwise, such increased shyness can lead to the fact that your life plans may be disrupted. First of all, you need to figure out the reasons for your shyness. Think about what you are not happy with about yourself, and what caused you to feel shy? No matter how difficult the problem is, it can be solved. If it's about your appearance, it's as easy as shelling pears. Change your wardrobe and hairstyle.
If the problem is mild speech impediments, then only a specialist will help you cope with this. If you consider yourself a boring conversationalist (or, worse, they tell you so in plain text), then reading can help you - stay up to date with the news, and it will be much easier for you.
If you don’t see any direct reason for shyness, then most likely you are just used to considering yourself shy. Here, a kind of psychological “trying on” the image of a self-confident person can help you. Start leading confidently and openly at home. Train your gait. Give a speech (you can do this yourself; there are a lot of tutorials on the Internet). Over time, you will feel that you are able to behave just as confidently around others.
You can take someone you know as an example if you think his behavior is quite relaxed. Carefully study how this person behaves in various situations, and try to copy his behavior - you certainly don’t need to be shy about this. This is the case when imitation will only benefit you.
Video: How to stop being nervous? 10 proven methods
There is another psychological technique.
Find someone even more private than you and try to lead him. That is, to become his leader who will help him become more confident. This practice will help you both become more confident in yourself and improve your friend. Another method is to imagine the most negative consequences of your own actions (or inaction). What terrible thing will happen if you are refused or rude? Prepare for the fact that things will be bad and relax about it. In the end, acceptance will help you cope with grievances more easily and you will become more confident in yourself.
· Mar 16, 2019
Physical signs
You should try to eliminate symptoms of anxiety. Otherwise, it can lead to constant anxiety and panic attacks. You can suppress it in several ways:
- at a consultation with a psychologist;
- sessions with a psychotherapist;
- medicines;
- auto-training;
- special exercises.
Before you begin to fight anxiety, it is necessary to identify its signs, which are mainly external in nature. They relate to manifestations of human physiology and are often noticeable not only to him, but also to those around him.
This is necessary to prevent the development of mental disorders. These signs include:
- increased breathing, which is accompanied by a strong heartbeat and redness of the face due to the abundant blood flow;
- the opposite situation is pallor of the skin, which manifests itself with low blood pressure or dizziness;
- colic in the abdomen;
- dry mouth, which is obvious only to the person himself until he begins to lick his lips; he often has a lump in his throat that does not allow him to drink or eat at this time;
- fast or slow speech depending on the characteristics of the nervous system;
- changed voice timbre;
- sudden body movements when a person stands/sits or moves;
- trembling of the whole body or its individual parts;
- excess sweat production, which is noticeable by perspiration on the forehead;
- shifting gaze - a person avoids looking into the eyes of the interlocutor;
- excessive gesticulation;
- nail biting;
- concentration on objects in hand.
Signs can appear either individually or in groups at once, but one should not rush to conclusions. One should distinguish from them the symptoms of mental disorders, which can only be relieved by high-quality treatment.
