Psychology of a strong personality: signs of a strong-willed person

Psychological, intellectual and emotional strength is the ability to perceive reality as it really is, and then manage the emotions that arise from the observations and respond in a healthy and productive way.

Psychic strength is revealed in what we do, as well as in what we don't do.

Independence and self-sufficiency

A clear and strong sense of self-worth. Such people are not dependent, not manipulative, not possessive, and not obsessed with control. They know how to solve their problems.

They are not afraid to be alone, but they are not afraid of people either. They don't want others to save them, but they also don't try to save or radically change others.

They do not allow others to control their emotions, and they do not “discharge” their emotions onto others.

Healthy self-esteem

Sometimes high, healthy self-esteem is confused with narcissism (status symbol: fake self-confidence, disrespectful behavior, emphasis on appearance, money, power, fame, ability to manipulate others).

A mentally strong person is neither falsely confident nor timid.

You recognize and accept your strengths and weaknesses. You have learned to define your self-worth so that you are not dependent on the praise of others and are not devastated by rejection.

Twelve Signs of a Strong Personality

The content of the article

Self-confidence and initiative.

In any life situations, a strong personality is confident in himself and his abilities. I am confident that I can achieve my goals and get the results I want. At the same time, she is soberly aware of her abilities, but tries to expand them, and thereby expand her capabilities. This applies to professional or other activities in which a strong personality is seriously engaged - from cooking to managing a corporation. Stopping development for a strong personality is tantamount to degradation.

A weak personality usually lacks confidence in himself and his abilities. If a strong personality is confident that he is capable of doing even something that no one has done before, then a weak personality is not confident that he is capable of doing something that many others have already achieved.

A weak personality does not have activities that he would engage in seriously and with interest. She can go to work, or engage in amateur performances, or business, but at the same time remain at the same level, that is, actually degrade.

A strong personality values ​​himself, his abilities and the possibility of their development most of all. A weak personality values ​​​​most of all something outside himself - wealth, money, connections, position, loved ones, relatives, and the like.

What is the reason for such confidence in SL in himself and in his abilities? Abraham Maslow makes an interesting suggestion about this. He explains that an SL is a person who lives in reality, who does not avoid, but accepts reality as it really is.

Most people do not live in reality, but in the world of their own or social myths. They seem to be trying to escape from reality. It is possible that she scares them. Radical "realism" - isn't it a source of self-confidence?

Maslow writes:

“They prefer to live in the real world; they do not like artificially created worlds of abstractions, emasculated concepts, speculative ideas and stereotypes, worlds in which the majority of our contemporaries settle for life.” A strong personality prefers to “deal with what is at hand, with real events and phenomena, and not with his own desires, hopes and fears, not with the prejudices and prejudices of the environment. “Naive perception” is how Herbert Read described this ability.”

In my opinion, a strong personality is not afraid of the uncertainty of life and does not at all dream of that notorious “stability” that many people worry about. Some uncertainty and unknown is a kind of catalyst for knowledge and change for a strong personality. When everything around is “in order”, everything is “decorous and noble”, clear and thought out, then boredom sets in, longing for something new, even the need for new uncertainty and even anarchy.

Thus, there is a need to process this uncertainty into some kind of order or structure. This applies to everything - to understanding people, to making money, to washing dishes, to reading, to communication, etc. As strange as it may sound, readiness for constant changes, both external and internal, is precisely the source of inner confidence for a strong personality.

Maslow:

“Healthy people are not afraid of the unknown; uncertainty does not frighten them as much as it frightens the average person. They treat her completely calmly, do not see her as a threat or danger to themselves. On the contrary, everything unknown and unstructured attracts and beckons them. Not only are they not afraid of the unknown, but they welcome it...

The unknown does not frighten healthy people and therefore they are not subject to prejudices: they do not freeze in front of a black cat, do not spit over their shoulders, do not cross their fingers - in a word, they are not drawn to the actions that ordinary people take, wanting to protect themselves from imaginary dangers. They do not shy away from the unknown and do not run from the unknown, do not deny it and do not pretend that it does not exist, and at the same time they are not inclined to perceive it through the prism of preconceived judgments and established stereotypes, and do not try to immediately define and designate it. They cannot be called adherents of the familiar and understandable; they are striving for the knowledge of yet undiscovered truths...

These people can completely freely allow themselves - when the situation demands it - disorder, negligence, sloppiness, anarchism, chaos, uncertainty, inaccuracy, indecision, doubt, even fear (all this is quite acceptable, and sometimes even necessary, both in science and in art, not to mention life as such).

Thus, uncertainty, doubt, a state of uncertainty, so painful and painful for most ordinary people, stimulate a strong personality, encourage her to research, to learn, and are the source of her confidence.

Favorable relationships with others.

The ability to establish favorable and deep relationships with any environment is an integral property of a strong personality. A strong personality accepts people as they are. She does not educate anyone, does not teach, does not condemn. A strong personality does not have the desire to subjugate everyone around him, to impose his will on everyone in an authoritarian manner, or to somehow use others.

A weak personality, as a rule, does not know how to get from people what she needs to satisfy her needs (material, sexual, emotional, intellectual, spiritual). She makes two mistakes: she either completely refuses to try to get what she needs from others, or she does it in deliberately wrong ways, dooming herself to dissatisfaction and emotional disorders. Often a weak personality does not know how to establish relationships even with those close to him (husband, wife, children, relatives).

A strong personality understands that it is impossible to change the people who surround her without first starting to change herself. By changing her behavior, she monitors how it affects others, and ultimately comes to the result she needs. A strong personality sees changing his behavior as the key to controlling others. A weak personality is usually content with a limited set of behavioral patterns. She is constantly dissatisfied with her relationships with people around her.

Taking personal responsibility.

A strong personality realizes that everything in her life depends only on herself. She does not seek approval or disapproval from others, standards by which to live, decisions, advice. Whatever a strong person does, and whatever it leads to, he always takes full personal responsibility for the results of his actions. Living with a sense of responsibility for what is happening gives him a huge psychological advantage compared to other people and leads to an active position in life. Such a person begins to think qualitatively differently, unlike the majority. Instead of “I was deceived” - “I allowed myself to be deceived.” Instead of “I am not appreciated” - “I allowed myself not to be appreciated.” Instead of “In Russia they do nothing for the people” - “I admit that in Russia they do nothing for the people.”

A strong person does not rely on Fortune, nor on God, nor on Higher powers, nor on the Government, nor on Justice, nor on the Boss - therefore he does not depend on them and does not want to associate with them at all. And if he doesn’t hope: “Why do I need them?” - he thinks. A strong personality generally does not rely on anything other than his personal ability to create and receive what he needs.

A strong person considers himself the sole master of his destiny. He never demands anything from others. When a strong person meets a weak person, he experiences the same feeling that people usually experience when they see disabled people. But he can’t help them, so he quickly loses interest in them.

Focus on action and the pursuit of excellence in it.

I want to say right away that the concept of “business” has nothing to do with the traditional concept of “work,” which is what a person brought up in our culture should do. A strong personality cannot tolerate violence against himself. This means that she does not work for money as the main motive, she works for the sake of interest in some business.

A strong personality concentrates on some task; a weak personality concentrates on himself, so his achievements are insignificant. A strong personality rather lives to do something in this life. A weak personality does something in order to live (goes to work, relaxes, studies, etc.)

A strong personality first of all thinks about the interests of his affairs, giving them paramount importance in his life. And only then - about personal life, family, recreation and other things. A weak personality first of all tries to arrange his personal life, as a result of which both the personal life and affairs of the weak personality are disgustingly organized.

A weak personality thinks:

“How to get money (fame, love, peace of mind, etc.)?”

A strong personality thinks:

“How to get the job done (solve a problem, find a way, achieve a goal), and everything else will follow.”

When a weak person manages to get something, he feels satisfied and calms down.

When a strong personality achieves something, she wants to achieve something more.

Spontaneity, naturalness, open expression of feelings.

A strong personality openly, without distortion, reveals his deepest feelings, both positive and negative, both to himself and to others. If she is jealous, she admits to herself that she is jealous; if he loves, he admits that he loves; if she gets irritated, she admits that she is irritated and tries to understand the reasons for this. I want to say that a strong personality trusts his deepest feelings, his body, and is guided by this when making any decisions.

A weak personality hides his feelings behind a mask, screen or facade. She is especially afraid of showing her weakness. She is afraid to show even herself what she is really going through.

It is easy to communicate with a strong personality. She is not burdened by psychological complexes and problems, she is cheerful and open to interaction.

On the contrary, a weak personality needs some kind of approach, it is necessary to somehow adapt to it. And a particularly weak personality does not like initiative; it simply scares him. In general, the weaker a person is, the more difficult it is to interact with him. Moreover, this does not depend on social status or financial situation. Listen to how difficult it is for some teachers or, for example, deputies to express themselves? Sometimes it seems that they have a hard time understanding themselves. Know that the more complex and incomprehensible a person expresses himself, the more primitive he is.

A strong personality is quite sensitive to his own feelings and states. Internal conflicts, doubts, negative emotions do not go unnoticed for her. On the contrary, the first thing she does is try to resolve such conflicts and contradictions in order to feel good.

A weak personality allows internal conflicts and contradictions to take their course. Gradually they turn into psychological complexes, neuroses, psychosomatic diseases, and negative character traits.

In addition, it should be added that a strong personality lives in the present, she constantly feels herself “here and now” and at the same time, as it were, feels like an inseparable, but still autonomous part of a single and interconnected world. This is a very important characteristic of a strong personality. A weak personality either opposes himself to the world, or tries to merge with it and lose his individuality.

Maslow notes that a strong person is free from guilt and shame.

“It’s a different matter for a neurotic – a feeling of guilt torments him, he is enslaved by shame and driven by anxiety. What a neurotic! Even the average representative of our culture, the so-called normal person, is ready to succumb to the experience of guilt, shame and anxiety, even in cases in which this is completely unnecessary.”

Agree that shame and guilt are the very psychological “hooks” thanks to which you can easily manipulate a person. This is how it happens. Our parents first try to make us feel guilty in order to skillfully control our actions and decisions. Then other “influential” people do the same. A strong personality accepts himself with all his shortcomings. This means that she does not have complexes and will not experience feelings of shame or guilt. We can say that a strong personality is a shameless person.

“Speaking about this, I do not mean at all that he is characterized by complacency and narcissism, that he is absolutely satisfied with himself. I want to say that he knows how to coexist with his weaknesses, accepts his sinfulness and depravity, knows how to treat them as simply as we treat nature... These people perceive human nature as it is, and not as they wanted would like to see her. They boldly look at what appears to them, they do not squint or put on glasses to see what does not exist, they do not distort or paint reality in one color or another.”

A strong personality is not ashamed of any of his needs; he is aware of their reality. Nothing human is alien to her, and she will not feel guilt or shame about her urges. She has a good appetite, sleeps soundly, and knows how to enjoy sex and other physiological desires.

“They consider all the impulses and impulses inherent in a normal person to be natural and deserving of satisfaction, they understand that nature has ordered it this way, they do not try to challenge its arbitrariness or impose on it an order of things that suits them... A natural continuation of the ability to accept becomes a reduced ability to disgust. Unpleasant moments associated with cooking, bodily secretions and odors, physiological functions do not cause in them the disgust with which the average person, and especially a neurotic, usually reacts... Base, animal urges and processes, as well as functions associated with them, such as sex, urination, pregnancy, menstruation, aging, etc., are perceived by these people completely calmly, as an integral part of reality.”

A strong personality “can’t stand poseurs. Hypocrisy, hypocrisy, insincerity, falsehood, pretense, the desire to impress - all these qualities are completely unusual for her. She doesn’t want to seem better than she is...” What about others? Others try to appear, to impress, to show off, to fake... How many such people are there? You know how much it is!

A strong personality is quite spontaneous in his behavior. This does not mean irrational behavior, which many people often confuse. Irrationality is characteristic of people who are poorly aware of their inner motives and motivations. And spontaneity in the life of a strong personality is its conscious property.

Maslow writes:

“They behave simply and naturally, without trying to impress others. This does not mean that their behavior goes against conventions and traditions. Their unconventionality is not an external feature, but a deep, essential characteristic: a healthy person... is spontaneous, natural rather and mainly in his motives and thoughts than in behavior.”

A strong personality does not fight rituals and ceremonies that are very dear to other people, but rather “takes them with a smile.” However, if following norms, rituals and traditions prevents a strong personality from doing what he considers important, then he easily abandons them.

A strong personality is not at all a nihilist, as many people want to think. People try to accuse a strong personality of nihilism, that they deny everything and everyone for the sake of denial itself. It is not true. Nihilists fight to remove imaginary, insignificant restrictions, inflating their significance to a universal scale. Moreover, in my opinion, the nihilist is, in fact, engaged in denial for the sake of denial itself. A nihilist is a minor teenager who, in the very fact of denial, disdain for some norms or dogmas, wants to gain his own significance.

With a strong personality, everything is completely different. She does not look for some independent meaning in rabid denial, but on the contrary, a new meaning that a strong personality has discovered for herself in some things leads her to deny existing norms or restrictions.

“Inner spontaneity is found in a healthy person even in moments of absolute absorption in something important and interesting to him. At such moments, he seems to forget about all existing norms of behavior.”

In a typical society, weak people are constantly trying to drive a strong personality into a narrow framework of behavior, to limit it as harshly as possible. Society sometimes strongly dislikes a strong personality, often envies her, but no less often loves her. They usually try to hammer a nail that sticks out, right?

“Circumstances that impose obligations on a healthy person to comply with conditional instructions apparently weigh heavily on him. This observation can be confirmed by the fact that all the people we surveyed preferred precisely those situations and such companies in which they were free from the obligation to be predictable, in which they could behave freely and naturally.”

I, too, would never call a “correct” person with a “correct” life according to traditional concepts a strong personality.

“A natural consequence of this characteristic of a healthy person, or a natural concomitant characteristic, is their independence in moral convictions; their moral principles reflect their inherent identity to a greater extent than the ethical standards accepted in society.”

Please note that even morality is not something unshakable for a strong personality!

“A less thoughtful observer may consider such people immoral, since they not only tend to flout conventions, but can even, if the situation requires it, go against regulations and norms. However, this observer would be completely wrong. On the contrary, these people are highly moral, although their moral principles do not always coincide with generally accepted ones.”

“The ability to adequately perceive reality, a childish or, if you like, animal ability to accept oneself and the ability to spontaneity suggest that these people are able to clearly understand their own impulses, desires, preferences and subjective reactions in general. Clinical studies of this characteristic clearly confirm Fromm’s idea that the average person often has no idea what he really is, what he wants, what he thinks, what his point of view is.”

Now comes the fun part! A strong personality, unlike a weak one, is no longer bothered by problems of survival. If the motivations of an ordinary person lie externally, in the possibility of satisfying a need, then a strong personality, on the contrary, is driven by internal potentialities that require their implementation and development. First of all, it is driven by the need for self-development, self-expression and self-realization.

Distrust of authoritarian power.

This is one of the most important criteria, if not the most important. A strong personality does not obey anyone, because he always comprehends what is offered to him, that is, he evaluates critically. A strong personality cannot stand being told what to do, how and when. Neither parents, nor leaders, nor authorities, nor the environment, either directly or indirectly, can dictate to her what to do.

In addition, she is very sensitive to situations when they want to use her in some kind of manipulation, and she resolutely resists this. Personal interests come first for her. You can only cooperate with a strong personality - a “bottom-up” or “top-down” position is not acceptable for her.

A strong personality cannot have idols other than himself. There are people from whom she can learn something, but she never elevates them to the rank of idols. A strong personality does not engage in unnecessary theorizing. If a weak person knows something, but doesn’t know how, then a strong person knows how, but maybe doesn’t know, and sometimes doesn’t want to know, how she does it.

Abstract concepts, systems, norms, rules, responsibilities, mainly social, moral and ethical - all this is garbage that prevents you from independently understanding life and making your own decisions.

Cultural isolation, originality, creativity.

If you are no different from others, then where is your individuality? A strong personality is an individuality that manifests itself in anything - in sports, in work, and in communication. As Maslow wrote, “There is always more creativity in first-rate soup than in second-rate poetry.” A strong personality is not afraid to be different; on the contrary, she strives to express her individuality.

The need for isolation and solitude.

In order to comprehend something, make a decision, invent or create, solitude is required, so a strong personality regularly feels the need to be alone. A strong personality can be alone without feeling lonely. A weak personality, on the contrary, is afraid to be alone, because alone with himself she is bored. She feels an irresistible need to go into the crowd (to a rally, to a disco, to a work group) in order to merge with it and forget about her inner emptiness. After all, there are few individuals in a crowd, right?

A strong personality, having achieved success, strives to leave the city or, if possible, spend as much time as possible outside the city.

A weak personality values ​​life in the city. Living in the city, he dreams of living in the center. Living in the provinces, he dreams of moving to the capital. It constantly seems to her that real life is somewhere out there, far away, just not next to her, and certainly not in herself. And if not in Moscow, then in America.

“It’s funny how fiercely the fear of remaining once again in the desert of our own world drives us into the crush of hubbub and feasting” [I. Huberman]

Constant freshness of assessment and desire to delve into the essence of things.

A strong personality constantly changes in the direction of growth: he does his job better, communicates, reflects, and is more capable. For this to be possible, it is necessary to constantly monitor what is happening around her, what the situation is like. In such conditions, personal views and personal assessment of various things cannot remain stable for too long. Excessive stability is a sign of stagnation.

A strong personality is ready to learn something new, to educate himself, and is ready for a possible change in his views and positions. A weak personality is not capable of this; this manifests its destructive conservatism.

The desire to delve into the essence of things, to “get to the bottom” of the truth undoubtedly characterizes a strong personality.

Don't avoid questions:

"Why? How? For what?" And also: “How can this be changed? What else can be done?

Distinguishing between acceptable and unacceptable.

A strong personality makes an almost intuitive distinction between acceptable and unacceptable actions. However, this does not mean unconditional moralization. In another situation, it may be acceptable and justifiable to hit or even kill a person, for example, in defense of one's life.

The most interesting thing is that almost any sane person, including a criminal, is aware of the acceptability or unacceptability of their actions. Surely he realizes that he is carrying out a socially unacceptable action? Consequently, he allows himself to behave in exactly the same way as he does to others.

For a strong personality, the type of behavior that can be used to “repay” oneself is unacceptable. For example, she avoids fraud because by committing it against another, she thereby allows fraud against herself. Why is this necessary? To admit in relation to others what is unacceptable for oneself is the lot of a weak personality.

A strong personality also distinguishes between means and ends. Let it be better to have the wrong goal than the wrong means. Do you remember by what means the building of communism was carried out? Violence, camps, prohibitions, dictatorship, suppression. So what - they built it? The same applies to the life of any individual: one must distinguish between goals and means.

Cheerfulness, healthy sense of humor.

The cheerfulness of a strong personality is unconditional, that is, it does not depend on financial situation, the state of affairs, or the opinions of other people. It seems that strong people don’t care whether they make money or not, achieve their goal or not, negotiate successfully or not.

When getting into trouble or difficult situations, strong people always remain calm and calmly cheerful. They are not offended when people laugh at them. They don’t keep anything to themselves, especially negativity, and immediately react adequately to the current situation. Healthy laughter at oneself, kindly laughter at others is not just a state of mind, it is a sign of mental strength. It seems that such people are born, and even die, cheerfully.

Summit experiences.

Strong personalities are characterized by special, almost mystical experiences that are in the nature of insight, ecstasy, illumination, and can be associated with the creative process, with the process of cognition, with the expression of feelings, with certain achievements.

For example, some actor, or musician, or athlete exclaims: “How he played! How he played!

Without a doubt, at this moment the person was experiencing a pinnacle experience. Moreover, such experiences are “turned on” without any stimulants. At this moment a person feels extraordinary strength, lightness, merging with everything around him, and a loss of sense of time and place.

Kovalev Sergey Vladimirovich

__________________________________________

Source: www.psylive.ru

Proactivity instead of passivity or reactivity

You accept that you are responsible for your own life. If there is a problem, you can weigh your choices and make a decision.

In comparison, a passive person typically feels overwhelmed or disconnected to the extent that they feel paralyzed and incapacitated to take any action. Likewise, a reactive person simply automatically reacts to things and makes decisions without conscious awareness.

Passive or reactive people are rarely aware that they are making decisions in their lives. Proactive people remember their emotions, thoughts and motives. They love to live their life, even if it is difficult.

Now let's look at examples

If earlier, when speaking about strength, we meant, first of all, physical data, but now this concept is much broader. In ancient times, to be considered such, a person only had to kill a mammoth, but now this quality is measured by mental, intellectual and other abilities that make many people not just strong, but unique and great personalities.

Let's get acquainted with examples of strong people who have already made history or are just starting their journey, motivating others to succeed.

Peter I

Peter I is an outstanding ruler who made a significant contribution to the development of the state. He was his father's fourteenth child and his mother's first-born. Peter I's father passed away when the future tsar was not even four years old.

As Tsar, Peter I set himself the goal of raising Russia to the level of successful countries. The ruler divided the country into ten provinces, subordinated the church to the state, founded an army and navy, and also reformed the sphere of education and culture: new educational institutions began to open, and the opportunity to study abroad became available. Thanks to the innovations of Peter I, Russia became an empire, and the ruler received the title of “Great Emperor”.

Some interesting facts: Peter I was a little over two meters tall, but at the same time he had small feet. To correct for this difference, he wore shoes several sizes larger. The emperor was against drunkenness and fought against it with the help of a cast iron medal: it was hung on those who abused alcohol so that it was impossible to remove it, and you had to wear it for seven days. Peter I was versed in various crafts; he mastered the skills of a mason, carpenter, etc.

The king had a stern character, the formation of which was probably influenced by a tragic situation in childhood: in front of the eyes of a little boy, rebels dealt with his relatives. The personality of Peter I still arouses interest, but the fact that he determined the course of Russia's development for many years to come made him one of the great personalities who gave strength to the state.

Yuri Gagarin

Could one day a boy from a simple family have thought that he would become the first person to conquer space? Probably not.

Yuri Gagarin lived in the village of Klushino. In 1941, little Yura was preparing to go to school, but instead of happy days at his desk, he was forced to fight for life, coming face to face with the war. The Germans kicked his family out of their house, where they later set up a workshop. He lived in a dugout with his family for a year and a half without the opportunity to stand up to his full height and move freely.

Despite all the troubles, Yuri Gagarin was able to succeed in his studies, graduated from college, an industrial technical school and entered a sports flying club, where he made his first flight. Once he was almost expelled from school due to the fact that he could not land the plane correctly. In the end, it turned out that his short stature was to blame. The problem was solved by placing a thick pad on the chair.

In 1961, he was included in a group of six candidates for space flight. Yuri Alekseevich successfully passed all the tests and training, leaving no doubt that he should be the chosen one.

Yuri Gagarin died in a plane crash, the cause of which is still controversial. In his note, which he wrote to his wife before flying into space, there was the following: “Once in childhood I read the words of Valery Chkalov: “If there is to be, then to be the first.” So I’m trying to be that and will be until the end.” The spouse received the note only after the pilot’s death [Anews.com, 2020].

Elon Musk

This name is probably on everyone’s lips, but few people know that in childhood, today’s American entrepreneur, engineer and billionaire was a withdrawn child and was even subjected to violence from his peers, and once, after another beating, he had to repair a broken nose.

Elon's parents divorced, and the boy decided to live with his father, who had a difficult character. As a child, Elon Musk helped his father at work, which was related to construction. At the age of ten, Musk was given a computer, and at the age of twelve he sold his first program, a video game, for five hundred dollars. In 1995, he entered Stanford, which he left exactly two days later to start his first company.

Today, Elon Musk is the founder of several companies, such as X.com and PayPal (personal money transfers), SpaceX (development of launch vehicles), Tesla (production of electric vehicles), etc. He was awarded the title of the best entrepreneur of the year and included in the list of the most influential people of the twenty-first century, and was also awarded the Heinlein Prize for achievements in the commercialization of space [Biography.com, 2021].

Some more inspiring stories

Nick Vujicic has no arms since birth, and a small foot with two toes protrudes directly from his thigh. Despite his rare disease, Nick leads a full life that can be the envy of those who are completely healthy. He swims, surfs, plays football and golf. Moreover, he graduated from college and received a diploma in two specializations.

Nick Vujicic gives lectures where, by his example, he motivates people not to give up and believe in themselves. By the way, he is married and has four children who were born absolutely healthy. Isn't this happiness?

Jessica Cox is not just a female pilot, but a pilot without arms. She has a birth defect. The most interesting thing is that during pregnancy, all tests for Jessica’s mother indicated that the baby was developing without pathologies.

Despite her peculiarity, the girl drives a car and combs her own hair, she does all this with the help of her legs. She also trained as a psychologist, dances, and has a double black belt in taekwondo.

To train as a pilot, the girl took a three-year course in airplane driving, where she was taught by three instructors. This is what willpower and determination mean!

Andrea Bocelli is a singer from Italy who is known throughout the world. Andrea's talent for music manifested itself in childhood, but, unfortunately, he experienced vision problems due to glaucoma, and being hit on the head by a ball while playing football completely made the boy blind.

Despite this, he received a musical education and was able to attract attention: he was invited to various performances. Andrea Bocelli was one of the first who was able to combine opera music with pop style.

As you can see, personal strength, first of all, manifests itself in indomitability in the face of difficulties, perseverance of character, powerful self-motivation and fortitude. Such different stories, but they all prove that each of us is the creator of our own destiny.

Rational consciousness

See reality as it is. You perceive reality meaningfully using reason, logic, observation and common sense. In comparison, irrational people, even if they are quite logical, may come up with conclusions or connections that make sense primarily to them, but they lack objectivity and are not forward-thinking.

You will be able to maintain a high degree of awareness when you accept a situation, or deceive yourself by being unable to regulate your emotions.

It is important to be in the present moment, without being stuck in the past or dwelling in the future.

Emotional literacy and self-reflection

You are in touch with your emotions. You are able to recognize exactly what you feel, why, and what it means in relation to your existence.

You will take time to look back and reflect on what is happening in your inner and outer world. You think about what has happened in your life and what is happening, and actively make decisions about your behavior and actions based on your true emotions and reality.

You are effectively processing your past traumas and growing as a person.

If you want to live, be flexible

What image comes to mind when you hear the word “sustainability”? Many people associate this quality with a mountain (which is why, for example, many meditations use this image to create a feeling of inner balance and groundedness). But there is a problem: we are still living people, not mountains, so sustainability is not inherent to us by nature. We are made up of 60–70% water. Our emotions fluctuate almost every minute in response to external influences or our own thoughts. Even our life principles and beliefs can change. And it is this variability that can play into your hands if you learn to use it.

Take the “Systems Thinking” course and you will learn how it helps you “hack reality”, integrate into a complex and fast world, how to speed up your brain and learn effectively.

One of the modern areas of cognitive behavioral psychotherapy, called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), pays special attention to the development of psychological flexibility . We are talking about the ability to remain in contact with any of your experiences, even the most unpleasant thoughts, feelings and sensations, and at the same time make your life more and more meaningful.

This is especially important these days because we easily lose touch with what we experience from moment to moment and what is truly meaningful to us - in other words, with our values. When this happens (and this happens to all of us to one degree or another at different periods of life), then there is a feeling that life loses its meaning and turns into a continuous struggle or painful service.

The essence of psychological flexibility is to stop fighting what you find intolerable. Russ Harris, one of the leading experts on ACT and its popularizer, explains: “If you find a certain emotion positive, you may try to experience it again; If you write it down as negative, you will strive even more desperately to get rid of it. Thus, judging emotions sets you up to deal with them... Making judgments is the most common way the mind exacerbates our emotional discomfort.”

Empathy and compassion

Psychologically strong people have a strong sense of self-compassion and develop empathy for others. Empathy does not necessarily mean that you agree with other people or their actions, but that you understand how others feel, think and act, and why.

Another way to develop your own empathy is compassion. Because you understand how you feel, and because you understand how others may feel, you have compassion.

Psychological portrait of this person

Each of us can turn out to be a psychologically strong person even with very modest physical data. Such individuals differ from others in the following features:

• When communicating with a psychologically strong person, we feel his inner support.
• He does not curry favor with people who are higher than him in social status, and communicates with everyone with respect and dignity.
• He has personal boundaries that he knows how to define. Such a person treats himself with respect, so he will not allow himself to be treated with disrespect.
• Perhaps he will not enter into open conflict with the use of physical force, but he will find a way to stop the disdainful attitude towards himself.
• A strong person soberly evaluates himself, knows his strengths and weaknesses. Therefore, he knows how to ask for help in situations in which help is objectively needed. At the same time, such a person does not complain to others about troubles, he always actively solves his problems and does not take on unattainable goals.

It may seem that some of us were lucky to be born with a psychologically strong personality. But that's not true. The process of growing up and becoming makes a person this way. Even the muscles on the body do not grow on their own; they need to be trained. Personal qualities and traits can also be formed, get rid of negative ones, and acquire new ones.

Adaptability

Adaptability is one of the most useful character traits. Strong people are able to quickly adapt to change and remain aware in a problematic or unexpected situation.

You have confidence that you will be okay because you are adaptable; you think about the situation, but you don't obsess or worry about it because you know you can handle it when it happens.

Why be a strong person?

I would like to give several arguments in favor of why being a strong person is useful in life:

As for me, all the advantages of developed fortitude are obvious. How many doors can you open for yourself in life if you just don’t be afraid, believe in yourself, in your capabilities! You should definitely engage in self-development if you have grandiose plans for this life!

Labkovsky about who such a strong person is:

Accepting what is and is not under your control

You understand that there are many things that are beyond our control. The desire to control everything is a classic sign of chronic anxiety and existential uncertainty.

You can differentiate between what you can control and what you cannot. Shifting your attention away from things that are out of your control allows you to feel better, opening up new possibilities and the possibility of being happy.

How do you use your power?

You know, friends, some of you said that real strength is given in due time and for something specific and important. And what could be more important than love. After all, without her we are like ringing copper.

While love grows colder, strong people strive to keep it hot

Only a strong person is able to love his own to the end. He loves him anyone: when he is upset or depressed, when he crawls home from work half dead from fatigue, when he nasally because of a stuffy nose, or when he has almost lost his voice due to a sore throat. When he cries, looking at the screen, when he sings all sorts of bad taste for several hours in a row, terribly out of tune.

When the neighbors “got it with their hammer drill”, and tomorrow is Monday again. When this very dear little man is late, in a hurry, twitches, chews on the go, laughs where it’s not funny at all, sarcastic, sulks, doesn’t get enough sleep, bothers him, is afraid to go to the doctor, thinks that he is right again...

A strong person still loves despite sunburned shoulders, skinned knees, three-day stubble, and eyes inflamed from a sleepless night.

Strong people , protecting love, illuminate their loved one with some kind of neon unearthly light, in which everything continues to seem infinitely dear and dear. Are you familiar with this?

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Focus on yourself

Instead of focusing on what you can't control or on achieving grandiose or anxious goals, you simply live your life as healthy and conscious as possible.

You don't play social games.

You do not follow ideologies or be swayed by social, political and philosophical narratives. You don't try to change everyone around you to suit your tastes. You don't worry about what your neighbor thinks or might be doing wrong.

You create a better life for yourself, one that is not aggressive towards others, towards yourself and your immediate environment.

You do not like to listen to excuses and excuses

Strong personalities cannot tolerate excuses or excuses from themselves or others. Moreover, they are often much more strict with themselves, and not with others, and this already says something.

Instead of inventing elaborate excuses for why things didn't work out for them, they consciously direct their efforts to finding solutions to their problems, no matter how complex and intractable they may seem to them.

Strong personalities know how to roll up their sleeves and take on even the dirtiest work. For them, the hardest work is better than the excuses they despise. They understand that in reality, any excuses are a waste of energy and time.

Helping others out of the kindness of your heart

Essentially, everyone is responsible for their own life. By default, we do not owe anything to anyone, just as others do not owe us anything.

Strong people are considerate and helpful. However, giving and helping others is an act of kindness, not an obligation.

You are helpful and caring, but you do not feel responsible for the well-being of other people, just as no one is responsible for you. You can be helpful and generous without guilt or obligation.

Healthy Relationships

The foundation of a healthy relationship is boundaries .

You treat others fairly, which means you love and respect those who are worthy and do not waste your resources (time, money, energy) on toxic people or tolerate their abusive and harassing behavior.

If you encounter something that seems toxic or unhealthy, you make a decision about what to do rather than reacting emotionally or passively accepting it. You regularly review your relationships with other people and come to conclusions that will help maintain your boundaries.

Don't try to please everyone

The truth is that no matter who you are or what you do, there will be people who don't like you. You don't like everyone either, so it's natural that not everyone will like you either.

Psychologically strong people do not become aggressive towards others , but they also recognize that social rejection is inevitable - and that is normal.

Fear doesn't rule your life

Nowadays, too many people are afraid of something other than what is happening to them. Many are afraid of what may yet happen. Such people, as a rule, strive for security and comfort.

At any cost, even if they have to sacrifice their desires for them. Strong people will never do this. This does not mean that they do not experience fear at all. This means they don't let fear rule their lives.

Perhaps the famous John Wayne said it best: “Courage is being scared shitless but still jumping into the saddle.” This is an axiom shared by all strong people.

Saying no

Strong people know when to say no. They know where their emotional responsibility ends and the other person begins, and vice versa.

They feel comfortable saying no to boundary violations, aggression, and unfair behavior, which ultimately benefits them. They do not feel shame or guilt for protecting their identity.

• Are these points present in your life?
• Is there anything you would like to add to this list?
• What points would you like to work on?
• What does a strong personality mean to you?

If you have questions or would like to schedule a consultation, you can contact me by going to the contact page . I will be glad to help you!

Strength = toughness?

A strong personality is, first of all, characterized by a stable psyche in stressful situations. Such a person perceives leaving his comfort zone as an incentive for development, and not as a reason for worry. It is characterized by endurance, durability and maturity. These qualities, according to scientists, are formed in childhood.

Psychologists believe that it is impossible to determine for sure whether a person is persistent or not using any tests. Resilience is only developed by those who have faced obstacles in their lives.

Norman Garmezy, a psychologist at the University of Minnesota, has done a lot of research on this topic. He watched the children, but one boy made a special impression on him: he grew up in a dysfunctional family and always brought a sandwich to school that consisted of only two pieces of bread. But the boy did not want to be pitied or thought badly of his mother so much that he did not show it and always came to school with a smile. Garmezi calls such children successful, because they have a special personality trait - resilience.

Emmy Werner, a specialist in developmental psychology, conducted an experiment that lasted thirty-two years. She observed a group of approximately seven hundred children, from the time their mothers carried them in the womb until they were thirty years old. Emmy studied the influence of stress on the formation of the personality of each of them. Two thirds of those studied grew up in stable conditions, which cannot be said about the rest.

As a result, it turned out that children from the risk zone reacted differently to the stress that was happening in their lives: some began to develop behavioral problems by the age of ten; by the age of majority, many of the children became delinquents and mentally ill, while others grew up confident in life. themselves, caring young people who took advantage of every opportunity to develop.

Children's resilience was explained by the strong support of parents and guardians, but in most cases the development of resilience was directly dependent on the reaction to the environment. Resilient children, from an early age, willingly interacted with the world, showed independence and had a positive outlook on things. They were confident that they were shaping their own lives.

But Emmy Werner has found that resilience can weaken over time if a person is faced with greater stress that outweighs their level of endurance.

George Bonanno, a clinical psychologist at Columbia University, has spent nearly twenty-five years studying resilience. He tried to find out why some people cope with obstacles easily and others don’t. One of the influencing factors, in his opinion, is perception: a person may perceive a stressful situation as a trauma or an opportunity for growth.

For example, the passing of a loved one from life is certainly stressful. But if you find some special meaning in this sad event that will lead to an understanding of illness or religion, then the event will not be so traumatic. By the way, persistent people are more likely than others to talk about religious support.

According to George Bonanno, a positive reaction to what is happening can be learned, but human nature is so amazing that he can achieve the opposite effect with his own hands: strengthen his reaction to stress factors [M. Konnikova, 2016].