Do you want to manipulate people with words? 14 technicians

How to manipulate people with words? It's simple! You just need to understand the theory.

Communication between people is an integral part of our lives. When you encounter people, you are somehow manipulated. Moreover, you yourself use these techniques in relation to others. Most people mistakenly think that manipulation is always negative. However, methods of manipulation are often used to achieve a positive effect in work, relationships, and communication with people. In today’s article we will take a closer look at the following issues of manipulative communication:

• Manipulation - the psychology of communicating with people
• What types of people are most susceptible to manipulation?
• Psychological portrait of a manipulator
• Types of manipulators in psychology
• Types of manipulations in psychology
• Is it always bad to be a manipulator?
• How to learn to manipulate people

We figure out how to properly manipulate people with words

Manipulation - the psychology of communicating with people

Manipulative communication in psychological theory is aimed at extracting benefits from the interlocutor. This happens through the use of various techniques (flattery, deception, demonstration of kindness, false love, etc.). Everything depends on the personality characteristics of the manipulator and the manipulated person.

Manipulations are a type of monologue communication. These relationships develop when the partners have unequal positions, which can be imperative and manipulative:

• The imperative is an open manifestation of one person's dominance over another. Such communication can be observed between parents and children. For example, when a mother or father tries to influence the child with open pressure (shouting, orders, etc.).
• The manipulative is hidden. That is, when the manipulator does not clearly show the desire to subjugate another person to his will. The manipulator seeks to use his partner in such a way that he does not notice it. For example, manipulation can be observed when one partner instills a false sense of guilt in the other.

The methods and techniques of manipulation are quite extensive. However, it is worth remembering that their main goal is to subjugate another person to their will.

Many manipulators feel how to properly manipulate people with words.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting can be described with phrases like “It didn’t happen,” “You imagined it,” or “Are you crazy?”
This is one of the most insidious manipulation tactics because it distorts your perception of reality, undermines your ability to trust yourself, and robs you of your ability to resist abuse. When you are gaslighted, you have two conflicting thoughts inside you: Is the person in front of me right or should I trust my own feelings? The manipulator’s task is to prove to you that the first option is the only correct one.

To counteract gaslighting, it is important to formulate your picture of reality: write down what is happening in a diary, tell others, or share your thoughts with a psychological support group. The power of community will help you separate the manipulator's distorted reality from your own beliefs.

What types of people are most susceptible to manipulation?

It is quite difficult to create a single portrait of a person being manipulated. Each of us has vulnerable personality traits that a potential manipulator can put pressure on.

In the science of psychology, there are certain types of people who can become potential victims of manipulation:

1. The first type is people for whom their needs are a factor in their safe and comfortable state. At this level, manipulations are carried out. In this case, manipulation can take the form of providing and not providing the needs necessary for a person to achieve the goals of manipulation.
2. The second type is neurotic people who spend most of their lives in a stressful state. This type of people is characterized by melancholicity, vulnerability, and the predominance of the emotional part over the rational. Manipulation of such people occurs at the level of their emotions and feelings. Such people are characterized by methods of manipulating feelings (shame, love, affection), gaslighting, and instilling feelings of guilt.
3. The third type combines rational people with developed logical thinking. Manipulation at the level of feelings is useless for such people. They are built on the basis of pressure on their self-esteem, conscience, self-esteem.
4. The fourth type are people with various psychological disorders who cannot be aware of what is happening around them.

By determining what type of personality you are, you can predict manipulation.

Learning to see how to correctly manipulate people with words

Hidden and obvious threats

Narcissists and other toxic people don't like it when anyone questions their sense of superiority over everyone else. Instead of resolving disagreements, they try to prevent you from having your own point of view by instilling fear.

Narcissists respond to any disagreement with an ultimatum, and their standard phrase becomes: “Do this, or I will do that.”

If, in response to attempts to set boundaries or express an opinion, you hear veiled or overt threats, this is a serious reason to think. Most likely, this is a person in front of you who is incapable of making compromises and confident in his own rightness. Take threats seriously, document them, and seek assistance from the appropriate authorities when necessary.

Psychological portrait of a manipulator

Every manipulator is a subtle psychologist. Some people who use manipulation in their lives do it unconsciously. At a subconscious level, they determine through what qualities of the manipulated they can achieve their goal. Conscious manipulators are able to determine a person’s personality type. Afterwards, identify weaknesses, character traits through which he can subjugate his will.

As with the portrait of a potential victim, it is quite difficult to determine a specific personality type for a manipulator. It is important to know that these could be:

1. Strong personalities who use active manipulative roles
2. Weak individuals who control others, being in a position of constant “victim”.

To identify a manipulator, it is important to know his behavioral traits:

• Non-acceptance of criticism, accompanied by a sharp reaction to it;
• Criticism and condemnation of others, indications of incompetence, lack of necessary skills and abilities;
• Denial of one's guilt and mistakes;
• Confidence in one's own rightness;
• Non-acceptance of someone else's opinion that goes against the opinion of the manipulator;
• Shifting responsibility;
• Forcing relationships, which is also accompanied by erasing personal boundaries;
• Active manifestation of dominance in communication;
• Frequent flattery, false and excessive displays of kindness and friendliness;
• Using techniques to put pressure on a person, including instilling a false sense of guilt;
• Constantly maintaining tension in relationships. This is typical for passive manipulators. They use gaslighting techniques, being in the “victim” position.

A manipulator in relationships with people will one way or another exhibit some of these listed signs. If you see this type of behavior, be on your guard!

Now you roughly understand how to learn to manipulate people

Deliberately bringing your thoughts and feelings to the point of absurdity

In the mouth of a narcissist or sociopath, every opinion, emotion, or life experience you have turns into a flaw. Toxic people tend to rephrase what you say so that your position seems simply absurd.

For example, you notice that you don’t like the tone in which your interlocutor speaks to you. What do you get: “So you’re perfect for us?” or “So I’m bad, right?” This again develops feelings of guilt in you and makes you doubt your own feelings and emotions.

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This technique is a well-known cognitive distortion known as “mind reading.”

Toxic people often assume that they know what you are thinking and feeling. They jump to conclusions based on their own feelings and misconceptions instead of listening carefully to you. And they never apologize for the harm they cause as a result.

The best course of action in such a situation is to simply state, “I didn’t say that.” And stop the conversation, even if you continue to be accused of something you didn’t do.

Types of manipulators

In psychology, manipulators are conventionally divided into active and passive. This division has to do with the roles they take on in the relationship.

• Active manipulators

This type is characterized by the use of active techniques of influence and domination over a person. For example, a type of such manipulation may be the establishment of total control over another person. The following types of active manipulators are distinguished:

1. Dictator. This is a person who uses his position in society to achieve his goals. He often points out his authority;
2. Prosecutor. A person who perceives himself as a leader and the people around him as dependent on him. Uses tactics of accusation and humiliation of others for his own self-affirmation;
3. Rebel. A person with open or passive aggressive behavior, accompanied by rudeness and harshness;
4. Businessman. A person who evaluates the weaknesses and strengths of other people. He uses them for his own benefit. This type of manipulator is characterized by calmness, concentration and deceit. Such people are characterized by the use of flattery techniques in relation to others.

• Passive manipulators

This type of manipulator builds their relationships with people, initially placing themselves in a position of subordination. In conflict situations, acting as a “victim”, putting pressure on the partner’s feelings of guilt. This type of manipulator is divided into the following types:

1. Weakling. The person acts as a person incapable of performing certain social actions. Is the complete antipode of a dictator, as an active manipulator;
2. Threatening. When building a relationship with a person, the manipulator takes a position of constant apology and obedience;
3. Virtuous. Such a person consciously shows boundless care, goodwill, and “suffocating love.” Such individuals are characterized by instilling feelings of guilt in others. There is also an instillation of a sense of duty for the excessive love, care, and help shown by the manipulator;
4. Defender. A person who positively perceives the mistakes of others, expressing support and sympathy for others. But at the same time, the defender does not admit his own mistakes;
5. Indifferent. The face shows complete detachment from business. This type of manipulator often blames other people for their own bad actions.

Some people know what it means to manipulate a person

Nitpicking and changing the “rules of the game”

The difference between constructive and unconstructive criticism is making it personal and setting unattainable standards. Most often, “critics” do not want to help you become a better person; they just want to find fault and humiliate you.

The well-known technique of changing the “rules of the game” helps with this, which allows you to always remain dissatisfied with you. Even if you do everything possible to satisfy their request, they will find something to complain about.

Are you successful in your career? Then why aren't you a multimillionaire yet? Have you satisfied your need for constant care? Then show that you can be independent...

The rules of the game are constantly changing and often appear to be unrelated to each other. The only purpose of this is to make you constantly please the narcissist.

By raising the bar ever higher, toxic people make you feel worthless. They obsess over your shortcomings and weaknesses, making a big deal out of every misstep, while ignoring your strengths.

Don't be fooled by quibbles and rule changes. If a person prefers to remember the mistake over and over again, without noticing your attempts to correct it, then he is definitely not driven by the desire to understand and forgive you. Value yourself. Remind yourself that you are self-sufficient and no one has the right to make you feel inferior.

Types of manipulation in psychology - 14 Methods

The range of manipulator techniques is quite wide and it is almost impossible to list everything. The use of each is determined by the personality of the manipulator himself and the person being directly manipulated.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a way of controlling a person's will. It calls into question the correctness of the partner’s thoughts. This directly affects his confidence in himself and in his actions. The goal of the manipulator in this case is to convince the other that his perception of the current situation is incorrect. This may be accompanied by instilling a false sense of guilt.

An example of gaslighting would be a situation where your partner constantly convinces you that your problems are imaginary and insignificant. At the same time, he will question the adequacy of your behavior, pointing to a violation of mental health. Such manipulations can be accompanied by phrases:

• "You imagined it"
• "You have mental problems"
• “It’s all in your head”, etc.

When gaslighting, do not let the manipulator make you believe that he is biased and wrong.

The art of manipulating people in the form of gaslighting

Projection

Projection is a method of manipulation when a person shifts the blame onto another, constantly looking for justification for his actions. In this case, the manipulator perceives the partner as a “victim” who is constantly being blamed.

For example, a pathological liar may accuse his partner of lying. An employee who does not put in the necessary effort to complete his or her tasks may perceive the boss as ineffective. This is necessary to disagree with the fact that there is not enough effort to get the job done.

Let's figure out why people's minds can be manipulated

Pointless conversation

This method of manipulation is typical for selfish and destructive individuals. The goal of the manipulator is to focus the partner’s attention on himself.

Pointless conversation can also be expressed in conflicts “from scratch.” That is, when the techniques of gaslighting, projection, and substitution of concepts are used in combination. When using this method, the manipulated person does not understand exactly how he got involved in the conversation and why he continues it for so long.

What can you do to prevent this manipulation from working for you? Stay away from open and heated discussions with the provocateur.

The art of manipulating people can also be expressed in meaningless conversations

Unsubstantiated statements

Unsubstantiated statements represent the manipulator’s reluctance to understand the details of your argument. For example, in a generalization based on individual words taken out of context. The goal of the manipulator is to devalue the phenomena and opinions of another person.

With unfounded statements, any aspect of the problem can be exaggerated so much that a serious conversation becomes impossible. For example, you tell a person that their behavior is unacceptable. In response, he immediately makes an unfounded statement about your hypersensitivity.

“You are always dissatisfied with everything” or “Nothing suits you at all.”

We answer what it means to manipulate a person

Substitution of concepts

Such manipulation is based on turning facts from head to toe. That is, using loud expressions and phrases, taking words out of the context of the conversation. The manipulator in this case makes hasty conclusions. That is, he is based on his own emotional reactions, without listening to you in the conversation to the end.

This manipulation is most often characteristic of conflict situations. For example, you express to your partner your worries that he raised his voice at you. Without listening to your arguments to the end, the manipulator begins to say similar phrases: “Does that mean I’m bad for you?”, “Are you ideal?”, “Well, since I’m so disgusting to you.”

Protection against substitution of concepts lies in building clear boundaries with such a person by being confident in your own position. Also the possibility of proving it and stopping the conversation with the manipulator. After all, as a rule, he never stops accusing you for no reason of what you didn’t say.

The highest art of manipulating people is professionally replacing concepts

Changing the topic

This method is used to retreat from the topic being discussed. It is undesirable for the manipulator and his goal is to transfer your attention to a completely different issue.

To prevent this from working for you, repeat your question or statement and don't stray from the original topic.

What does it mean to manipulate a person? Let’s find out

Threats

Such manipulation is typical of active manipulators who use ultimatums and threats. The goal of the manipulator is to conditionally punish the partner for disagreeing with him. This type of manipulator does not accept compromises and can sometimes make threats in the form of a joke.

To protect against such manipulation, respond to the threat by refusing to comply in a similar humorous form. If the manipulator continues to threaten and set conditions, end the conversation.

Why is it possible to manipulate people's minds?

Insults

The most common manipulation using words is insults. It is also typical for active manipulators. Their goal is to provoke a response from their partner through insults and unjustified criticism.

The main thing when using this method against you is not to react to insults.

Why is it possible to manipulate people's minds - Answer

Training

Training is used by a manipulator to subjugate a person, devaluing his desires and opinions. The goal of the manipulator is complete control over the actions of the other by developing the behavior necessary for the manipulator in the partner.

Why is it possible to manipulate people's consciousness - a complex question

Gossip

Vulnerable people, dependent on the opinions of others, are most often subject to such manipulation. The goal of the manipulator is to destroy the partner’s reputation and self-esteem through gossip, slander and rumors.

How to understand that a person is manipulating you - it’s simple!

From love to hate

This method is based on the zoom-out technique. The goal of the manipulator is to erase the personal boundaries of the victim, causing the manipulated person to become dependent on the relationship.

It is quite easy to recognize it. The manipulator demonstrates contradictory behavior: from boundless love to complete hatred and ignorance.

With this type of manipulation, the main way to protect yourself is to stop any contact with such a person.

Let's see how to properly manipulate people with words

Triangulation

Manipulation is based on confirming that one is right by involving an outsider in the dispute. The manipulator has one goal - to provoke the partner’s uncertainty in his own opinion.

To counter triangulation, respond to the manipulator with a “triangulation” of your own. Find support from a third party outside of his control. And don't forget that your position has value too.

What does it mean to manipulate a person?

Shame manipulation

The method is based on emphasizing your shortcomings and instilling a feeling of guilt for them.

This pattern of behavior is often found in parent-child relationships. When scolding a child for an offense, a parent uses the phrases “Aren’t you ashamed?”

The result of this technique is a decrease in the self-esteem of the person who is being manipulated.

How to learn to manipulate people - know the theory of manipulation

Excessive control

Control as a type of manipulation can be material, emotional, social. The goal of the manipulator is to completely take over a person’s feelings, life, and emotions. This is a form of psychological abuse.

To resist the manipulator, maintain control over yourself and the right to privacy.

How to learn to manipulate people - give preventive measures to ordinary manipulation

Pointless conversations

If you think you can have a deep, thoughtful conversation with a toxic person, you are mistaken. Stream of consciousness, personalization, talking in circles, projection and gaslighting - narcissists and sociopaths will use anything until they get you to agree with them.

This is to confuse you, distract you from the main topic and ultimately make you feel guilty for thinking differently.

Ten minutes of such an argument is enough - and you will already regret that you got involved in the conversation at all. You just dared to disagree with the statement that the sky is red - and in return you received attacks on your entire family, friends, career and personal life.

Remember: toxic people do not argue with you, but with themselves. You are just a participant in their exhausting monologues. Toxic people live for drama. Trying to find reasonable arguments only inflames them. Don't feed them with your energy. As soon as you feel the first signs of exacerbation, stop talking - and direct the energy to yourself.

Is it always bad to be a manipulator?

We have already said that each of us is a manipulator. It is always worth remembering that manipulators are not always negative individuals. A person's ability to control others can help achieve a personal or common goal without harming others.

The versatility of manipulation lies in the fact that they are often used to prevent conflicts. The main aspect is only the ethical side of the issue - you are secretly using a person.

If you learn the art of manipulation, you can use the skills you acquire for positive purposes. For example, in improving relationships with a partner, preventing quarrels and conflicts. The main thing is to remember that with positive manipulation you cannot use aggressive methods. For example, tactics of humiliation and violent suppression of a person’s will. Your actions should be aimed mostly at gently encouraging the person to take action.

Why it is possible to manipulate people's consciousness - an easily penetrated cognitive subcortex

Changing the topic

Toxic people don’t like it when it comes to their own responsibility, so they constantly try to divert the conversation to the side, direct attention to another problem.

Complaining that your spouse doesn't pay attention to the children? In response, he will remember the mistake you made seven years ago.

If someone tries to use this technique in a conversation with you, use the “broken record” method. Gently but persistently continue to present the facts without going off topic. If the interlocutor insists, say something like: “That’s not what I’m talking about now, let’s not get distracted.” If this doesn't help, just stop talking. And channel your energy in a constructive direction.

Name, importance of the interlocutor

The sounds of your own name - what could be more pleasant? You were probably in a large company and a newcomer was joining. When everyone was introduced to him at once, he remembered someone faster than others and immediately addressed them by name. Surely that person was pleased that he was singled out from the crowd. We will always reward with a good attitude the one who pronounces our name with respect.

Compliments will always help complement a pleasant impression. This will emphasize the importance of the face. It’s so easy to say a few flattering phrases to the tired girl serving you at the bank at the end of the work week! This will not only endear her to the author of the words, but will also brighten up an ordinary everyday day, turning it into one of the most unforgettable.

There is only one condition here - sincerity.

If we do good only for our own benefit, then we will face bankruptcy, which you deserve! (D. Carnegie)

Listen more

Let’s analyze how much we talk during the dialogue and how much our partner speaks. And what should this ratio be in order to correctly answer the question of how to win people over? Carnegie states in his work:

The royal road to a man's heart is through talking about the things he believes most.

And he gives advice: you should talk less about your life, experiences, thoughts, and listen more. You need to play on the field of your interlocutor, because a person will make any decision on his own. We just need to show him the benefits of the proposals we want to make.

This provision is especially important for novice entrepreneurs or subordinates who want to learn how to influence the decisions of people: partners or managers.

In personal dialogues, D. Carnegie suggests adhering to the rule: if the thoughts and life principles of the interlocutor do not suit us, we should not convince him. It's better to just leave.

Sabotage

Toxic people teach you to associate your own talents, strengths, and happy memories with abuse, frustration, and disrespect. They do this by humiliating you, sabotaging your goals and achievements, ruining holidays and vacations. They can even isolate you from friends and family and make you financially dependent. Like Pavlov's dog, over time you become increasingly afraid to do the things that once brought you happiness.

This is how toxic people try to get you to shift your attention to meeting their needs.

If some external factor prevents them from controlling your life, they try to eliminate it. They need to always remain the center of your attention.

Additionally, narcissists are envious and jealous by nature and don't want anything to interfere with their influence over you. After all, if you can get happiness, recognition or respect from other people, then sooner or later you will want to break off the relationship with the narcissist. That's why they do their best to stop you on the path to your dreams.

Insults

Narcissists are confident that they are the only ones who can be right, and anyone who tries to say something differently infuriates them. Psychiatrist and author of the books “How to Talk to Assholes” and “Don’t Interfere with Your Life,” Mark Goulston, believes that the basis of narcissistic rage is not low self-esteem, but a false sense of superiority. For some narcissists, this rage takes the form of insults they use to try to influence your opinion.

Insults are an easy way to humiliate and ridicule your intelligence or your appearance, depriving you of the right to be an individual with your own point of view.

Your thoughts or ideas may also be insulted. This is how a completely reasonable point of view becomes “stupid” or “idiotic” in the mouth of a sociopath who is unable to give a convincing refutation.

Instead of discussing the arguments you make, such people attack you as an individual, trying in every way to undermine your authority. In this case, you must immediately interrupt communication and say that you do not intend to tolerate such treatment. Never take insults personally: people resort to them simply because they don’t know any other way.

Methods of psychological influence on people in social advertising: examples

Commercial advertising differs from social advertising; its main goal is the slogan “Buy!” Social advertising has other goals:

• Awareness;
• Achieving target behavior;
• Formation of approved submissions;
• Assimilation of information;
• Recommendation of behavior models.

To have a psychological impact on people, social advertising must have such a concept as emotionality . That is, advertising should evoke emotions. These emotions can be both negative and positive. Positive emotions, for example, encourage a person to follow an example, to act one way and not another. Negative ones, on the contrary, lead a person to the realization that there is no need to do this.

Important: A person’s emotional memory is the strongest. Even if a person is not affected by advertising settings, he will still remember it if it is emotional. However, if the advertisement does not contain strong emotions, it will not attract the viewer's attention.

Social videos where the main characters are children, people with disabilities, and the elderly have a special emotional effect.

We offer an example of social advertising with a strong psychological impact in the video at the end of the article.

Now you know what techniques and methods of psychological influence on people are available. You can try to apply them in practice, it is much more interesting than reading theory.