All this is not surprising. Human sexuality has long been taboo. Women's - especially. Stereotypes and taboos, embedded in our culture many centuries ago, have not gone away; they have acquired more modern counterparts and spoil the lives of healthy, sexually active girls.
Insufficiently active - frigid. Too active - a whore. Cum vaginally. Cum quickly. Always be ready. But don't push. Be active. Be submissive. Dress seductively. But not like a whore.
Instructions about where this line is, which of the requirements are justified and how to combine all the expectations of a boyfriend, society, mother, girlfriends, ourselves, are not given either at birth or upon reaching puberty.
Is it any wonder that many girls (and quite mature women too) are embarrassed by sincere expressions of their sexuality. Many people do not even suspect that they have these manifestations - they are buried so deeply. Of course, there are simply people with a very weak libido. It's not about them. We're talking about ladies who want sex, love sex, but when it comes down to it, they become stiff or claim an Oscar for playing an ice statue.
The phrase “don’t be a log”, seasoned with an invigorating slap, is a bad motivator.
Let's talk about the good ones.
Don't write off your injury
It's one thing when a girl is slightly tense. Another is if in the past she experienced severe trauma that affected her sexuality. Not necessarily rape, although this cannot be ruled out either.
The stigma of the victim and the attraction called “it’s your own fault” is the plague of our culture, and victims often do not admit this even to their loved ones.
Maybe she had a bad first (or second, or last before you) experience. Former partners who systematically did not take her wishes into account, or worse, shamed her for them, devalued her. And she closed herself off to avoid the pain of rejection.
You can only start a conversation about this if you are close and confident in your ability to comfort the girl after and during such a conversation. Start carefully so that the words do not sound like reproach or accusation from any angle, for example:
It seems to me that it is not easy for you to open up with me in bed. I don’t know how your previous partners treated you, but I love you, and it’s important to me that you feel good with me. Let's talk about this because I don't want to accidentally hurt you.
Then look at the situation. If trauma actually occurs, there may be tears. Lots of tears. Or she will be squeezed even tighter, and she will have to be pulled out of this hole with tenderness and kindness. Every now and again.
But if you love a girl, it's worth it. She may not become a depraved, unashamed sex bomb, but over time there will be progress.
Liberation in communication
Looseness requires excellent communication and self-presentation skills. It also includes the ability to navigate a situation, a person’s mood and topics of concern. Directly related to the lack of complexes regarding one’s own personality, appearance, skills and capabilities. For many, liberated communication in its full sense remains inaccessible for a long time. Such conventional frameworks for one’s own manifestation are associated with the opinion instilled from childhood that one must be modest, quiet and inconspicuous.
Children are initially all liberated and only after repeated comments regarding their manifestations begin to withdraw, control and increasingly hide their true feelings and capabilities. This is how the adult world shows its unwillingness to accept everyone with their individuality and differences, dictates norms of behavior, rules, etiquette and other limiting teachings. As a result, such upbringing kills the spontaneous part of mental manifestations, and makes liberated people look at with judgment, but at the same time with envy at their ability to be themselves.
The ease of establishing contact is lost over the years. Remember, again, childhood meetings that within a minute develop into friendship. These same manifestations of sincere expression, without fear of being hit where it hurts or being judged, without the desire to pretend in order to be accepted, characterize liberated communication.
The ability to overcome one’s own embarrassment in order to talk about one’s achievements or ask for the satisfaction of existing needs are also indicators of emancipation. A person, squeezed in his inner world, will rather endure, but will not recognize the need, will remain silent about his skills, fearing to be branded as a braggart or out of pride, expecting recognition. Here it is important to observe a fine line when emancipation turns into excessive demonstrativeness, egocentrism and a disregard for others. Liberation in communication implies freedom of one's own expression, but without infringing on the dignity and interests of others.
Bring it to the boiling point
Now about the pleasant things. If we are talking about simple shyness, maybe you are in too much of a hurry .
There comes a moment in the sine wave of desire when even quite shy people don’t care. If the flesh is on fire, standing and shuffling your feet is no longer so fun.
Drive her crazy - with kisses, hands, words, tongue. Just don’t perceive this as slave labor or a necessary evil that you need to do in order to finally get to something tasty: the girl was not born yesterday either and will understand that you are here “under the lash.”
Enjoy every caress, every touch. Catch her moans, drink them, see how and what she reacts to. If you know how to listen to a woman and sincerely get involved in the process, at some point she herself will tear off the rest of your clothes.
Several synonyms
So, we found out that a person who behaves at ease can be relaxed. A synonym for this adjective is quite easy to find. We will indicate several options.
- Natural.
- Free.
- Relaxed.
- Direct.
- Uninhibited.
- Not constrained.
With these words you can easily replace the adjective “uninhibited” in a sentence.
Provide a suitable environment
There is no need to light a million candles, scatter rose petals on the bed and play “I will always love you” on repeat. I'm talking about basic comfort for intimacy, which consists of three components:
- Privacy.
- Convenience.
- Mood.
Privacy means that you are alone in the apartment and no one will disturb you . There is a non-illusory chance that the girl is squeezed because, for example, your younger brother is sleeping behind a thin wall and she is afraid to traumatize his fragile psyche with her cries of ecstasy. Replace your brother with your grandmother, parents, housemate - the essence is the same. Even if such proximity makes you neither hot nor cold and you are sure that they don’t care, but their feelings (like yours) do not play a role in this matter. It should also be comfortable for your partner.
Convenience is a normal surface for sex (no exotic, the bed is just that), cleanliness and comfort . A mess is distracting, especially if the girl is a neat person, and the smell of the day before yesterday's pizza does not work as an aphrodisiac. All necessary supplies such as a condom or towel should be at the ready.
I think the mood is clear. If one or both participants are tired, irritated, or don’t want anything today, you can, of course, have sex, but it will take an amount of effort disproportionate to the result. Sex through “I can’t” - do you need it?
The main reasons for shyness
In modern society there is a stereotype that liberated young ladies always go to nightclubs, meet all the men in a row and generally behave like ladies of easy virtue. But that's not true. You can be a modest and moderately shy girl and at the same time pleasantly surprise others with self-love.
Glossy magazines and intrusive commercials urge you to give up your complexes, love yourself and become more confident! Compliance with all these principles guarantees success in any field - from matters of the heart to the professional sphere. But in fact, following all these recommendations is quite difficult.
The thing is that girls who behave this way have a psychological barrier. This obstacle is extremely noticeable, as it acts as a kind of block of consciousness. It does not allow you to take any adequate actions in terms of meeting guys/men or making friends.
The degree of modesty also plays an important role. Some girls begin to experience difficulties during dates when there are no topics to talk about. And some representatives of the fair sex even find it difficult to say “hello” to their old friend or smile at the guy they like.
There are many reasons for shyness. Here are the main factors that hinder normal social life:
- lack of confidence in your own appearance: acne, thinning hair, bad teeth, excess weight - all this can hinder self-confidence;
- negative experience of taking initiative in communication (many girls stop communicating when one day they receive a refusal or an opposite reaction from men);
- experienced childhood trauma (toxic parents often instill in their children, especially girls, unhealthy communication habits, as a result they become “downtrodden” and are afraid to talk to strangers);
- belonging to a certain psychological type of personality (people are different, conditionally we can all be divided into certain psychological types - active and passive, positive and negative, it also happens that passive behavior is the norm for a girl, and she just wants peace and quiet).
These are not all the reasons that create obstacles to normal social life, but they are basic.
Use gadgets
Let's say you tried to talk to a girl about what she likes in sex, but as soon as the conversation moves in a dangerous direction, she instantly clenches her teeth.
The workaround is to communicate via text . Through Skype or SMS, many things (vulgarities - not least) are easier to say. Try flirting with a girl like this throughout the day. First, tell her what you want to do with her, how you want to satisfy her, and ask for feedback.
Do you like it that way?
Do you want to try this?
When contact is established, ask what she wants to do with you. If there are successes in the text world, they can be carefully transferred to live communication.
How to become more relaxed in bed?
To do this, you should adhere to the following rules:
- Rule #1 is to love your own body. To do this as quickly as possible, you should look at it in the mirror as often as possible. Even if your legs don’t grow from your ears, and there are no model parameters, you need to love and accept yourself in your existing image. After all, men often look not at a lady’s appearance, but at her attitude towards herself.
- Rule #2 – self-care. It is important to buy beautiful sexy lingerie that hides imperfections and highlights positive aspects. A pleasant smell will be a good addition to the image. Therefore, you should regularly use aromatic lotions, special balms, and perfumes.
- Rule #3 – no excessive effort. You don't have to go out of your way to become relaxed in bed. After all, if there is a loved one nearby, the girl will be able to relax automatically, she will feel free and desired.
- Rule #4 – open conversations. It is important not to be afraid and regularly ask your loved one what he would like. You need to tell him about your own preferences. If there is a spiritual connection between people, such sincere dialogue will make it stronger.
Use gadgets
Does the girl have a favorite vibrator? Ask her to take the toy with her to bed. If not, buy it as a gift or give a certificate to a sex shop so that she can choose what suits her liking and body.
If she is not yet ready to use toys in sex with you, let her buy it anyway and practice solo. Masturbation is often the key to a woman's locked-in sexuality because it helps her get to know her body better : what she likes, what she doesn't like, what orgasms she has and how they feel. Many girls generally thought that they did not experience orgasm until they picked up a suitable vibrator.
Feel the body4
For a woman's inner sexuality, bodily sensitivity is important. It is important to love and accept your body as it is. It is useful to look at your reflection in the mirror every day to find the merits of your appearance. It is worth noting any details: eye color, thickness of eyelashes, smoothness of skin.
It is useful to carry out exercises to develop tactile sensations and be able to enjoy any factor that gives relaxation and pleasure to the body: a warm bath, foam, a fluffy blanket, silk underwear. The ability to enjoy pleasant smells and tastes enhances inner sensuality, so girls are recommended to explore the pleasant smells and unique taste of the corresponding products (chocolate, cheeses, fruits, olives).
Ignore failures
This is worth mentioning separately in continuation of the previous paragraph. If something doesn’t work out for a girl (she takes a long time to cum, is embarrassed to undress completely - it doesn’t matter) and she is really dear to you, under no circumstances focus on this . There is no stronger anti-aphrodisiac than the feeling that “something is wrong” with you - I’m sure you’ve experienced something similar, if not in sex, then in something else.
Take my word for it, she already knows that she can’t cum for a long time. There can be a lot of reasons for this (like any other situation), and you will create another one if you direct the already mentioned spotlight there.
Tired of doing something (cunnilingus, for example)? Just say, honey, I need a break, and do something else. Caress her with your hand, kiss her, or just lie down together and chat.
If she doesn't want to completely undress, light candles and tell her that she will look stunning in stockings and underwear. Have sex with clothes on, after all. Hastily unbuttoned and half-taken off clothes have their own relish.
With this approach, you yourself will tune in to a positive mood and relieve the girl of pressure .
★ Bonus ★ How to help a guy relax
Men can be shy and uptight too, and much more often than you think. Sorry if I broke someone's template.
They may be afraid to open up, to trust, they may be embarrassed about their appearance (less often), their desires (more often). Finally, my emotions. Especially if these are “non-male” emotions (that is, everything except anger).
The techniques described above are, to one degree or another, applicable to men , especially the last two points. Admiration and patience open people up, show that they are wanted and accepted. That they are safe. That they won't be rejected.
I think we all miss this.
What is sexual liberation?
Today one thing, tomorrow another, the day after tomorrow, if health allows and there is a desire, a third. Is this behavior towards women (men) sexual liberation? Or is this already promiscuity? This is not an easy question. Of course, finding the line between sexual libertinism and promiscuity is as difficult as finding it between porn and erotica. But there is one.
If we talk about men, most of them, in fact, have always been sexually liberated. This is their hunting nature. In every sense of the word. Even being married, a man is not against sexual pleasure with an unfamiliar woman if this does not entail any consequences or additional obligations. But what about the woman? What exactly is a woman’s sexual liberation?
We must recognize that sexual liberation is the freedom to choose a partner. Living under the dictates of parents, the Communist Party or conventional (and outdated patriarchal) morality is completely rejected and unacceptable. Sexual freedom is independence from external opinions, and therefore internal freedom.
Sexual liberation is fashionable. This is in keeping with the spirit of the times. This is a woman’s challenge to men that their rights are equal, that they are no longer assistants and “friends of men,” but equal individuals. And they don't want to value their virginity for the only man in their life. Moreover, women do not want just one man in their life.
Sexual liberation is a manifestation of the right to sexual satisfaction, not only to give pleasure to a man, but also to receive it. And achieve this in every possible way. Sexual freedom is the rejection of taboos in sex.
