Signs of an infantile person
Here it is rational to talk about infantilism. Infantility is, in a figurative sense, a naive approach to life. An infantile person is one whose behavior is dominated by immaturity, unwillingness to take responsibility and make decisions on his own, a lack of life goals, and a lack of desire to change something in himself and in life in general.
The opposite word to infantilism is an adult position. What are the signs of an infantile person?
1. Impossibility of independent existence
He cannot make decisions of average complexity, he constantly wants to call his parents, girlfriend, ask his husband/wife even some minor questions. He consults with everyone, tries to delegate matters to someone else and not take responsibility.
And if a person did it, and it didn’t work out, then he will blame the one who didn’t help him or suggested him to do this: “You told me to do this, but it didn’t work out, so it’s your fault.” The responsibility of such people is at a minimum level.
The person has poor time control
This can be in various forms, ranging from work moments and personal life. It seems difficult for him to stay within biological rhythms. He can sleep a lot of time, lie in bed until lunch. It's like he needs some kind of kick to get him out of bed.
A person may have absolutely no idea what time he should go to bed. He has a lost connection with time frames; he does not feel them.
3. Can’t tell the truth and what exactly he needs
He may be offended and not talk about it. He will claim: “No, no, nothing offended me,” although the face will give a different truthful version. This is an infantile position that spoils relationships and causes a lot of conflicts in a person’s life.
That's why you don't want to deal with an infantile person. You will always be at fault. And if you advise something, you will help, and if you don’t.
There is no desire to deal with such people, because a person cannot speak openly about his feelings or desires. And at this moment you need to guess or read the thoughts of your interlocutor. We get tired very quickly around such people.
Transactional or transactional analysis by Eric Berne
We will try to give a brief and understandable description of the theory.
Berne's analysis is based on the concept that a person is “programmed” to make decisions in accordance with his past experiences. The basis of a person’s current and future life is a “scenario”, in the writing of which his loved ones (especially mom and dad) and/or random psychological trauma took part.
All this greatly simplifies decision-making - “just act as you have already been taught.” But the problem is that most of the learned stereotypes and patterns of behavior are no longer useful or are not at all compatible with life, and often simply do not allow us to be truly happy.
Next, Eric Berne expands on this theory and introduces the concept of three states of your ego: Parent, Child and Adult.
And now it is important not to get confused: this does not mean that we take on these roles on our own. This means that we simultaneously live the stereotypes, behavioral characteristics of all these ego states.
Why know this? To notice contradictions or irrelevance in the attitudes of your subpersonalities, to be able to satisfy each (after all, these are three personalities - each with their own needs and desires), in order to live happily: in harmony not only with yourself, but also with those around you.
Let's look at each of the subpersonalities in more detail and figure out what they are responsible for.
How to work with the inner adult?
First of all, you need to pay attention to the inner child of the parent, as mentioned at the beginning. Start by strengthening your willpower and developing discipline. The easiest way to do this is to implement 3-5 small habits or achieve some mini goals.
And, of course, practice self-support. When you are anxious and it seems that nothing will work out, you need to write a list of 10-15 supporting phrases: “Why can I handle it and why will I succeed.”
You can do the exercise “What rights and what do you want to have.” Compare your rights and area of responsibility and see where everything fits and where there are violations of the right-responsibility connection. That is, where you want something, but are not yet ready to bear responsibility.
You need to write down in two columns: in one, what rights you want to have, and in the other, what area of responsibility is needed for this.
Watch the video on the topic!
A minimum of development that guarantees the basic survival of humans as a population in the 21st century
What can be generally meant by this very minimum of basic development? What is this anyway? And what do you eat it with, you say? And I will answer. The minimum development necessary for survival can be understood as a number of abilities that guarantee survival and optimal adaptation in modern conditions. Namely:
- Learning ability and trust in the world
- Social financial independence, at least in a number of ways, ensuring the availability of shelter, living conditions for sleep, work or wakefulness.
- Possession of high-quality information that in the future can bring positive results for both you and the space.
- An adequate worldview that does not contradict the canons of modern society. That is, when your God is inside, he does not destroy the outside.
In fact, all these three components are necessary criteria. No more, no less. I remembered the wording: “You may not be a poet, but you must be a citizen.” If we describe this formulation through second attention, then it means the following at the energy level: in order to become a poet, at least learn to be a human being. Finally, personally or in the conditions of the formed reality, make an effort to CALL YOURSELF A PERSON. That's all. And after this, it will be possible to move on to a more detailed consideration of whether you need to be that very poet. Or maybe the path of your soul generally lies in the field of space exploration or other areas of scientific and other fields of activity. The same thing can happen, right? First you need to feel yourself from the inside.
Meet the inner child
The inner child is a part of our psyche. “Ours” is true, because it contains a large part of our real “I”. The inner child helps with creativity and self-expression. He is also a source of energy, emotions and ambitious aspirations. This is a world of fantasy and curiosity, adventurism and spontaneity.
It is he who expresses our entire life experience: from intrauterine sensations to birth and childhood. The inner child records all our bodily sensations, emotions, feelings, remembers childhood needs and attitudes.
He is characterized by specific reactions - projections of us in childhood. That is, sometimes this inner child can push us into not the most adequate, childish behavior, but at the same time, it is he who allows us to enjoy life and achieve our purely “adult” goals. And its influence on our lives is difficult to overestimate. Especially the “wounded” Child. Thus, people who watched in childhood how their own mother was beaten or tyrannized by their father are inclined to find themselves an abuser or be aggressive towards their significant other. Of course, such injuries need to be worked through.
The inner child has two extremes: too dominant, or completely “downtrodden” - when you deliberately or unconsciously do not give him free rein. Both conditions are dangerous.
The development of the inner Child to the dominant subpersonality leads to the fact that a person becomes disorganized, ineffective at work, and unpunctual. Also, such a person may be overly anxious or emotional - reacting to every minor trouble as if it were a fatal event. In relationships with others, the Child tends to project his childhood grievances, take an infantile position and be a victim, which in general is an unconscious manipulation.
Otherwise, we are faced with a squeezed Child. For example, this happens if a person had to endure a lot of bullying and humiliation in childhood, then a person can simply “block” his inner child. Which will lead to the fact that he will hardly be able to enjoy life. No child - no emotions, remember?
In such cases, your personality is dominated by the Parent ego, and this is a completely different character.
The development of the inner Child to the dominant subpersonality leads to the fact that a person becomes disorganized, ineffective at work, and unpunctual
There are other ways to work through childhood traumas
If searching for the Child in your fantasies does not work, then psychologists offer methods such as writing a letter to yourself in childhood. You can address anything to your little self. But it would be great to include the same words of acceptance and support in the letter. It is also suggested that you mentally sit your little self on a real-life chair and try to talk to him out loud.
Often, the empty chair method is also used in cases where your Child has a grudge against his parents: then mom or dad ends up in the chair, and you tell them everything that has hurt you for years.
Don’t forget that all emotions come from the inner Child - he feeds you with them, he feeds on them himself. Therefore, do not forget to please him - with walks, dances, antics and tomfoolery. Look for the company on invme!
This practice will help you find harmony within yourself - not immediately, but over time. If you catch yourself in the fact that the Child or Parent dominates so much that life turns into hell, then it is better to do all this as part of therapy with a specialist.
Inner Parent
The Parent ego state reflects in us the projection, the images of our parents. Moreover, the parents here are not necessarily just mom and dad, they are, in general, all the people who were involved in our upbringing: relatives, teachers, neighbors.
From them we adopt ideas about life - “what is good, what is bad” or “who is bad and who is good.”
If the child is responsible for emotions, then the Parent is responsible for norms, traditions and ethics.
But this Parent is almost always with us - it is also formed in childhood, therefore it can dictate irrelevant attitudes to us and make our behavior inadequate. And this despite all his rationality.
The fact is that our inner Parent can grow up to be caring - if we're lucky. But in practice, not everyone is lucky, which is why our Parent grows up to criticize. It can throw a spanner in the works when you do something objectively right and good. For example, you are working on your project, and your inner parent demotivates you with his assessments “you won’t achieve anything”, “this is not good enough”, “you need to try harder”. Well-known phrases for people with excellent student syndrome
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In a word, everything related to grades is the activity of the Parent. Everything that concerns emotions comes from the Child.
So who's in charge?
How to find balance and what to do if it is broken
In a healthy, mature personality, all ego states are mobile, conscious and easily replace each other without contradictions and internal conflicts.
Mobile
- means that they are ready to give in in favor of a decision that is beneficial for the whole person.
Realize
- means that you understand from whom and what intention comes.
Subpersonalities in balance complement each other, representing a holistic personality.
Therefore, it is important to reach out and feel your Child and Adult, to hear their needs. This is especially true for a Child. After all, most of us have learned to live within limitations, with incredible demands on ourselves—the inner Parent thrives.
But along with him, the Child also lives in us - and this is literally a third of your psyche and personality, which is a boy or girl of 4-8 years old.
As practice shows, most of the children were greatly offended at some point in childhood: we were criticized, disliked, sometimes manipulated and drawn into adult games, deceived. And we couldn’t do anything about it - we had neither the resources nor the skills, we were just children.
Now your task is to take care of him now and correct the unfair mistakes of the past, becoming the best adult in your life for all subpersonalities, to heal your inner child.
