Infantility, what it is and why it leads to a dead end

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Surely we have all heard about the term infantility, infantile man, infantile woman, and we even understand a little what we are talking about. But let's dig a little deeper and figure it out, what is infantilism? Let’s diagnose whether we ourselves have such behavior. Then, if such behavior exists, we will find ways to solve the problem, and all this together will lead us to improving the quality of life, finding goals in life and we will become even a little happier.

Infantile behavior

Infantility is a delay in human development psychologically or physically. (This article will be devoted to psychological infantilism) Simply put, in appearance a person is an adult, but at heart he is still a child who looks at the world with naive eyes, refusing to accept reality and take responsibility for his life.

To put it even more simply, these people can be called mama’s boys, daddy’s girls, and so on. These individuals were not separated from their parents and continue to live under a warm wing, even if the person is already over 40-50 years old. Read more: Midlife crisis in men.

How does infantility manifest itself?

We listed the main manifestations of infantilism in the previous chapter; they manifest themselves regardless of gender. But men and women show immaturity in different ways.

Infantility in men

Representatives of the stronger sex with signs of infantility are often called “mama's boys”; as a rule, they grow up in single-parent families. The mother dissolves in the boy, forgetting about her needs and indulging him in everything.

Having become an adult, a man lives with an eye on his mother, who is his best adviser. The son is not capable of making independent decisions. The wives of such boys are constantly forced to listen to comparisons with their mother, and always not in their favor.

Moreover, the mother-in-law considers it possible to teach her daughter-in-law, give her advice on maintaining the house, housekeeping, raising a child, and, of course, caring for her dear son. Such marriages cannot last long, unless the woman is in the position of eternal victim.

An infantile man is not able to earn money and provide for his family. This is due to a lack of professional skills and frequent job changes. If there is income, then the infant, succumbing to emotions, will spend it on his whims, without thinking about supporting the family.

In a relationship with the opposite sex, such a guy will always be a consumer. He demands attention to himself, needs to listen to his conversations about mental torment, constant adoration. He will not take care of a woman or court her.

Infants are traditionally in no hurry to enter into a long-term serious relationship, despite the fact that outwardly they are always cheerful, jokesters, and attract attention. He looks young for a long time, looks at the world with wide eyes, which can attract women. But being married to him is not easy.

Immature individuals will prefer a computer game or get-togethers with friends to routine male housework. Running away from home, and therefore from responsibility, is their usual line of behavior. At the same time, they react to criticism very painfully, being offended like children.

Infantility in women

Women's infantilism is not as condemned by society as men's. This is facilitated by widespread sexist views, which encourage women to be somewhat narrow-minded and stupid, their indecisiveness and obedience.

Women who have not matured often grow up like “daddy’s daughters,” princesses. The father loves his daughter very much, protects her, and as she grows up, she looks for a man like her dad.

The girl is sincerely convinced that her husband is obliged to take on all the worries about her: to provide for all material needs, to support the family. A woman is perplexed when she hears that appearance alone is not enough to keep a man. The “little princess” attitudes are carried over into adulthood.

Such a girl does not have the understanding that it is necessary to get an education, to pursue a career - the necessary concepts for life. But there is a desire to look for a man who will give her all the necessary benefits without any effort of her own.

This position often leads to a sad ending: every year there are fewer and fewer men willing to take full responsibility for a woman’s life, her parents grow old (die), and she has no skills for self-sufficiency. Life comes to a dead end, and there is no experience in solving problems through thoughtful, planned actions.

Infantile women often say the same phrase when giving birth to children: “That’s it, your personal life is over.” The question arises: was the decision to get pregnant and give birth spontaneous? And isn’t a child the most personal and valuable thing for any mother? But the infant is pathologically not ready to take care of the baby, sacrificing his own interests.

Where does infantilism come from?

This behavior is imposed on children by the parents themselves. They don’t want to let them go into adulthood, they want to decide everything for them themselves, not realizing that in this way they are only making things worse for their child. Surely, you yourself have observed how an overly caring mother constantly helps her son get dressed, eat, and so on. It feels like the mother is playing with dolls, since she didn’t play enough herself as a child. And people look at all this from the outside and think, God, what a shame, who will the guy grow up to be?

In fact, it’s not a fact that a guy with such a mother will grow up childish. Perhaps the guy himself realizes the problem by the age of 14-18 and will simply refuse beyond the care of his parents. He will begin to explore the world and learn to be independent in it.

By the way, until I was 19, my parents tried to impose on me who to be, where to go and where to work. Although, thanks to my mother, at the age of 17 I got a job in the Customs authorities, for the position of document specialist of the 11th category, where I worked for 3 years, I gained quite a bit of experience working for the state. service, and most importantly, be flexible and persistent. But that's another story.

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And I also noticed such a thing that mothers usually take extra care. I have never seen men being overly caring towards their children. If you have encountered this, write in the comments.

What we get, infantile behavior is behavior imposed on their children from their parents. And, unfortunately, they do not understand that in this way they are causing harm to their child. Dooming him in his adult life to suffering from loneliness.

Reasons for the development of infantilism

The reluctance to become an adult and remain a child for as long as possible occurs in women due to various factors:

• in case of excessive guardianship on the part of parents, spoiling, permissiveness. A girl who was overly cared for in childhood often does not want to lose this attitude and continues to behave like a child. Such individuals experience enormous difficulties when entering adulthood, practically do not perceive prohibitions and do not like to hear the word “no”;
• during a prolonged crisis of adolescence. This condition is often observed in girls under 25 years of age. Psychologists say: such girls demonstrate a childish model of behavior in order to compensate in a similar way for the lack of attention in adolescence;
• in the absence of the habit of independence. If parents have always deprived their daughter of the right to vote and made all decisions themselves, she may lose initiative and lose the ability to cope with difficulties. Having matured, an infantile woman avoids all responsibility and often needs someone to guide her through life.

Sometimes signs of immaturity appear in girls who grew up in an incomplete family. Also, childish behavior is observed in women whose partner is inclined to take full responsibility and resolve any family issues. And one day there may come a time when an infantile woman will be left alone with all the difficulties, and the lack of habit of coping on her own will become a very difficult burden for her.

Infantility in men. Signs of behavior

1. The most important negative trait is not following agreements . For such a person there is no concept of personal responsibility, and it is clear, because there is a mother who decides everything for me. And I can refuse any agreements and nothing will happen to me for it. It really won’t happen, you are constantly angry with such people because they behave irresponsibly, but this is all useless, since they cannot be changed if they themselves do not want to change.
2. Shifting responsibility for your life to others. Everyone is to blame for everything except himself. Of course, it’s easier to blame the government for all your ills, rather than strive to develop and make the world a little better. Why, because everyone owes me.
3. Everyone owes me. Another common problem among infantile people. Most likely, it is due to the fact that the child lives alone in the family and receives full attention from the parents; this is a kind of spoiledness or something.
4. Dependence on parents. Why work if my parents fully provide, buy toys and always want to pamper me, just to make me a little happy. Yes, such people at 50-60 also sit on their parents’ necks. They live on pensions. Sadly.
5. Cannot take responsibility for family and friends . Infantile men are too afraid of responsibility, so if his girlfriend gets pregnant, he immediately leaves her and leaves, without feeling any guilt or conscience. Because he cannot take responsibility for his actions and actions. And then the girl raises her child alone and is more likely to become an infant.

Read additionally: ChSVshnik, who is it?

Portrait of a male infanta

As a rule, infantilism affects men more often than women. And there is a completely logical explanation for this.

The fact is that overprotective mothers take care of their sons all the time they live together (often even after the “child” moves to a separate territory). Girls instinctively begin to repeat after their mother - cook, clean, etc., or deliberately learn household duties (she is a future woman, she is supposed to be able to cook).

Washing, cleaning, cooking, financial support - all this lies on the parents' shoulders until the son gets married and moves out. The wedding is often initiated by the parent herself, even taking on the expenses, since the young man is in no hurry to become a breadwinner and bear responsibility for himself and someone else.

Having met a woman, the infant man continues to receive all the same care as in his father’s house. Therefore, he will continue to lie on the couch and play tanks, while his wife takes on most of the responsibilities. He's so used to it, everything suits him.

Claims of infantile behavior against him will cause misunderstanding, anger or resentment, because:

1. He is always right. Infantility “does not allow” an individual to perceive someone else’s point of view, to look at himself with a critical eye.
2. He really doesn't understand what it's like to be responsible for a family. For him, his wife is a second mother who must serve him.

An interesting point - if a mother is very attached to her son, then she will do everything and even more for him, bribing him with her care, so that he does not leave her.

The root of the problem of infantile behavior in men

Here I will describe the reasons for infantile behavior in men, where the legs grow from, so that you understand what mistakes parents make in raising their children.

One child in the family

All attention from parents and close relatives is focused on one individual. Such a person has the feeling that the world revolves around him, but he can easily spin the world on his trunk (just kidding). But there is some truth in every joke. The child grows up spoiled, everything is owed and owed to him, but he himself gives nothing in return. A relationship with such a person is doomed to failure. And also selfishness.

Growing up in a family without a father

Second common problem. The child has no father, no support and no one to be like. The father begins to be replaced by the mother, the mother accordingly raises her child completely under guardianship, protects him from everything aggressive from the external environment, not understanding the simple thing that the external aggressive environment is useful for the development of a man.

Raised by a domineering mother

Everything is worse here. Complete suppression of the child as a man. Total control. Constant accusations and comparisons with her ex-husband, who naturally ran away a long time ago, leaving her alone with the child, now she is taking revenge on her child for everything.

And if the man has not yet run away, it means that he is being suppressed in the same way as a child. Only psychotherapy will help with this problem. The child himself will not be able to get out from under the yoke of such a mother; here he needs the help of a psychologist.

Causes

The cause of infantilism may be improper upbringing in childhood or the presence of infantile parents

It is believed that infantility arises in the process of upbringing, in the period from eight to fifteen years in the presence of unfavorable conditions. At the initial stage, it manifests itself as disobedience to parents, hysteria, manipulation, and an irresponsible approach to learning.

1. A bad example of infantile parents. The child copies their behavior model.
2. Excessive guardianship, the child’s inability to make decisions independently.
3. Imposing your opinion, your point of view on the little one, excessive control over the child’s actions.
4. Parents who spend too much time at work do not have sufficient opportunity to raise their child. Often their influence is replaced by a computer, watching television, listening to music. In such a situation, the child develops the illusion of permissiveness; he understands that he can manipulate everyone around him.
5. There is an opinion that the school education system also negatively affects the development of the child’s psyche. Today, within the walls of the school, all attention is concentrated on general education subjects, and they do not focus on the process of education. The child is not explained what is bad and what is good. Lack of moral training leads to the consolidation of infantile patterns, immaturity.

Parents who put serious pressure on their child in childhood, control his actions or surround him with unnecessary care, find it difficult to stop behaving this way as the child grows up. They see their baby in an adult and cannot change their behavior pattern. Parents can interfere in his personal life, pester him with constant calls, and express their advice. An infantile person is not able to resist such actions; he is afraid of independence and responsibility.

Infantility is a “disease” of modern youth.

To become rich and successful, you need to completely get rid of immaturity. Unfortunately, infantiles do not want to develop, but only show selfishness.

And nothing will change, your whole life will pass in vain, and the torment of a wasted life will always torment you.

The only thing that will make an infant happy and successful is working with the inner child; if the inner child grows up, then the problem will be solved.

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