What is kindness, what does it mean to be kind, how does it manifest itself?

What is kindness? How to learn to accurately distinguish between good and evil in everyday life?

In search of an answer, let's turn to our irreplaceable assistants - history and dictionaries.

Russian religious thinker of the 19th century. and the founder of such a movement as Christian philosophy, Vladimir Solovyov, in his treatise “The Justification of Good” writes about goodness as “a real moral order, expressing the absolutely due and absolutely desirable attitude of everyone to everything and everything to everyone.” This he calls the Kingdom of God.

Dictionaries of the XVIII-XIX centuries. defined “good” as positive actions and material goods. Rich and wealthy people were considered kind. In our time, the meaning of the word used is moral and ethical.

Ozhegov’s explanatory dictionary gives the following formulation: kindness is responsiveness, emotional disposition towards people, the desire to do good to others. Dmitriev's explanatory dictionary indicates that kindness is a spiritual quality of a person. “Explanatory Dictionary of the Living Great Russian Language” by V.I. Dalia: In spirituality. meaning good, what is honest and useful, everything that the duty of a person, a citizen, a family man requires of us; the opposite of bad and evil. Do good, don't be afraid of anyone. There is no harm in good things. Good is not repaid with evil.

So what kind of a good man is he?

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What is kindness

Kindness is a positive personality quality that makes a person selflessly help and treat people with care. The concept of goodness is revealed through the individual’s desire to please others with certain actions. To be kind means to always take care of others, to do something for their benefit. Here the connection between good and good can be traced. A person who does good receives true pleasure from it; he cannot do otherwise.

A synonym for kindness is virtue. This quality presupposes a person’s polite and attentive attitude towards others.

A boy gives happiness to a friend

In pedagogy, such definitions as “kindness” and “kindness” are associated with morality and ethics. But at the same time, in the explanatory dictionary of V.I. Dahl also interprets good as property and material values belonging to a person. It is no coincidence that in the old days a rich man was called kind.

The power of kindness is even seen in the fact that in the Old Slavonic alphabet one of the letters bore this name. Historians have established that the word “good” is of original Russian origin; translated from Old Slavonic it meant “oak” and was associated with strength, strength, perseverance and masculinity.

In psychology, kindness is associated with a high level of human empathy, altruism, and spiritual sensitivity. However, a person must do good wisely: his desire to please others should not negatively affect his own life. You shouldn’t take off your shirt and give it to a beggar unless you have another shirt in your closet at home.

In philosophy, kindness is part of a person’s spirituality.

Work in nature is an important means of educating humanity

In the Christian religion, much attention is paid to the eternal struggle between good and evil, because everything is known in comparison. Kindness equates to mercy. It manifests itself in the desire to help those in need. Kindness in religion is considered a spiritual quality that must be trained throughout life. The Church encourages righteous actions because they make people humane. A person who does good deeds receives love as a reward.

Islam obliges people to communicate politely with each other. This religion teaches people to help others with kind words. Kindness is an innate quality that a person must preserve and develop throughout life. This can be done if you always act according to your conscience. Islam teaches tolerance, which is also an act of kindness.

Buddhism does not contrast good and evil. The emphasis in this religion is on compassion and love, and kindness in life is a necessary condition for personal development.

In other religions, goodness and kindness are also considered signs of spirituality. God blesses a person for good deeds, because one of the names of the Almighty is Good. The ability to do good is a sign of true faith in God.

Kindness is inextricably linked with a person’s selflessness and warmth, and faith in love. If someone expects gratitude, fame and universal respect for showing kindness, then this is not a kind person, but an egoist.

Final information

Now you see what power and energy lies in true kindness. Understanding what kindness is, we become wiser. By doing good deeds, we not only help the people around us, but we ourselves become kinder, causing a response from them.

However, remember that it is better to help those who expect it from us. Otherwise, you may be disappointed in the good you have done and receive in response not gratitude, but reproaches and indignation. You should not provide unsolicited help; it is better to ask about problems and help only if they expect it from you.

Kindness is the most important part of a person’s spiritual state, which helps to interact productively with each other and be humane. Therefore, cultivate kindness throughout your life, because you can never have enough kindness. The main thing is to bring good into this world wisely, and then we will all become friendly, sincere, honest and caring.

What does true kindness look like?

Kindness manifests itself in actions. In a kind person, this character trait is reflected in all areas of life. A person's true goodness is judged by such things as:

acceptance of one’s own individual personal characteristics
respectful attitude towards others, manifested in tolerance;
a person’s lack of desire to re-educate and remake those around him;
altruistic attitude towards loved ones and colleagues;
ability to build constructive interpersonal relationships with colleagues;
generosity, willingness to share what a person has with others;
lack of envy.

Varieties of Virtue

This feeling is divided into many types, it manifests itself differently in each individual. One is so generous that he will not offend even a small insect, others take advantage of kindness and do not offer anything in return. There are also individuals who will not lend a helping hand until they are asked to do so. Kindness to people is shown:

In actions. It is expressed when a person does a good deed, even if he was not approached with a request, but was very much in need.
In affection and support. The person who supports everyone and gives wise advice is always the center of attention. Since each of us sometimes needs useful advice that will help solve all difficulties. If you find yourself in a difficult life situation, you are surrounded by nothing but troubles and failures, you are constantly in a bad mood, sign up for my consultation, and together we will find the root of the problem.
In selflessness. Expressed in the refusal of mutual benefit. When doing a feat, do not ask for anything in return.
For self-interest. This guy isn't that bad. For example, one asked another to provide a favor, promising to thank him later. This is a manifestation of a mutually beneficial relationship, from which both parties receive satisfaction at once. This is the most common type at present, as it occurs in almost all areas: educational, educational, medical.

Is kindness a sign of strength or weakness?

Society is a dynamically developing system. Simultaneously with the development of society, a revaluation of values occurs. Several centuries ago, kindness was considered a sign of purity of soul, nobility, good manners and selflessness. But today the situation has changed. Nowadays, a kind person who readily rushes to help others and does not demand anything in return is considered a naive eccentric. Such people are often manipulated, so sometimes kindness is considered a weakness. To prevent this from happening, a kind person should not solve the problems of friends and relatives, but should help them find ways to solve their problems.

However, in educational institutions, teachers continue to form moral foundations in children. This means that kindness remains a significant social quality. Therefore, kindness and generosity can rightfully be considered a sign of strength of character: a person has a choice. He can act in a way that is beneficial to him, and benefit from his “good” deeds. Or he can selflessly help another, do something nice for a loved one.

The power of kindness is also manifested in the fact that a person not only helps others cope with life's difficulties, but also shows them ways of personal development. Helping others become better is true virtue.

Kindness is fueled by the ability to treat any person with respect and believe in his strength.

In modern reality, it is not easy for a good person to live. He is always in a situation of moral choice. By helping others, he needs to preserve himself and his resource. If he can choose the right vector of effort, then good deeds will have a positive impact on him.

Why is kindness needed?

To understand why kindness is needed, it is enough to imagine a person living among greedy egoists, hypocrites and envious people. It is obvious that he will not be able to become happy in such a society.

The mission of kindness lies in such significant moments as:

helping the elderly, sick people and weak individuals;
openness to the world and new experiences;
social interaction will become a source of energy for a person who does good to people;
animal care;
respect for nature;
development of emotional intelligence;
gaining strength and vitality;
knowing the limits of one’s own capabilities and designing a path of self-development;
correct interpretation of other people's actions based on acceptance;
conscious refusal to judge and label;
awareness of one’s own importance, the usefulness of one’s actions;
gaining inner strength, vital core;
finding your calling and the best way of self-realization;
the opportunity to build relationships with others based on altruism;
a person will learn to distinguish good from evil, to appreciate manifestations of nobility and generosity on the part of others;
finding happiness.

Doing good deeds protects a person from degradation. Kindness as a personality trait saves a person from infantilism and dependent behavior patterns.

Without kindness, the structure of society will collapse. Individualism will flourish. But refusing to work together will not allow a person to achieve significant results. Life will become unbearable, because everyone will think only about themselves. Such phenomena as collectivism, cooperation, empathy, mutual understanding and mutual assistance will lose their force.

Who is a kind person

Someone who has the following personal characteristics can claim to be a good person:

the ability to empathize, sympathize, show compassion;
responsiveness;
caring;
tact;
friendly attitude in interpersonal interaction, friendly attitude towards others;
the ability to accept a communication partner as he is, with all his advantages and disadvantages;
a person’s lack of conviction that someone should do something for him;
providing help to another person only when he asks for it;
mercy;
the ability to put oneself in another person’s place;
emotional sensitivity;
the ability to control your emotions and show patience;
unselfishness;
generosity, breadth of soul.

The old lady treats people to her harvest, she doesn’t mind

Description of the qualities of a kind and sympathetic person

Virtue is characterized by many traits that manifest themselves in a person:

Tolerance is tolerance and respect for any position in life without imposing one’s stereotypes.
Loyalty is a stable state of affairs (relationships, goals) and attachment to them, without considering other options.
Patience is a calm anticipation of significant events, meetings, purchases, or unyielding endurance of unpleasant moments (loss, pain, failure, separation, financial difficulties).
Kindness is a demonstration of respect for others and a friendly attitude towards them.
Politeness – having good manners when communicating, displaying good manners and education, skills of respectful communication with people.
Generosity is mercy and condescension towards others, indifference to human shortcomings, sacrificing one’s interests for the sake of fulfilling public duty.
Compassion is the ability to empathize with individuals who are experiencing difficulties in life, to put oneself in their place and share their pain.
Responsiveness – the ability to quickly provide a service.
Selflessness is a renunciation of profit and personal gain; a good action performed will not be followed by a service in return.
Honesty is frankness and openness in communication, deeds and actions.
Cheerfulness is a positive attitude towards everything – both small things and difficult situations.
Willpower is a psychological state that helps you control your actions to achieve any goals.
Reasonableness is the ability to select the right solution to a problem.
Wisdom is the ability to use your life experience and acquired knowledge in real life.
Justice is objective and equal treatment of everyone.

What prevents a person from being kind?

Unfortunately, not all people can be called kind. Why is this happening? What prevents a person from being kind? Psychologists identify the following reasons for this:

people tend to compare themselves with others and experience a sense of superiority and arrogance, which interfere with the manifestation of their humanity;
the self-esteem of most successful people, who could be kinder to others, is inflated, as a result of which they are proud of their successes and do not want to help others become successful;
wanting to satisfy his own needs, a person ignores the needs and desires of others;
people are not always willing to offer help to each other, because they do not want to take on extra responsibility;
members of society view members of their class as competitors.

Can kindness hurt a person?

Sometimes doing good deeds gives rise to conflicting feelings in a person. This may happen if:

manifestations of kindness are regarded as a self-evident social phenomenon, therefore a benevolent, sympathetic attitude is required from the individual;
regular disinterested help, which remains without gratitude, depletes a person’s personal resource;
if a person always helps others and does good, he risks becoming a victim of manipulation;
excessive virtue and the desire to help when it is not asked for can offend a person, imposed care causes irritation;
Unsolicited advice spoils interpersonal relationships;
the desire to help a person cope with his difficulties deprives the sufferer of the opportunity to apply his own knowledge and skills to solve a difficult situation;
When helping a friend, a person often assures him that everything will be fine, but these are empty words that may not correspond to reality (it turns out that the good helper gave his friend false hope, deceived him, disappointed him);
some false good-natured people blackmail their victims with kindness;
the desire to help loved ones is fraught with falling into codependent relationships.

Asya Rakhovich

Psychologist with more than 8 years of experience. Consultant on interpersonal and marital relationships, self-discovery.

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How to become kind

If desired, a person can cultivate kindness in himself. To do this you need:

Learn to treat people carefully. Selfish attitudes must be left in the past. Communication should be based on politeness and gratitude for pleasant moments in communication. There is no need to be embarrassed to say words of gratitude to your comrades. It is also important to learn to express sympathy and share his grief with a person.
Anyone who has decided to become a kind person needs to smile more often. A smile can radically change thoughts. Transformation of thoughts entails changes in actions. Doing good deeds with a smile is easy and pleasant.
The predominance of material values over spiritual ones makes a person petty and mercantile. It is important to cultivate spirituality within yourself. For this, it is useful to practice meditation and yoga.
It is useful to constantly engage in self-knowledge. This allows a person to sensibly assess his resources in a critical situation when someone needs help.
If a person is focused on obtaining material gain, he needs to change his thinking. Selfish motives cannot force an individual to help someone. Only an altruistic principle can force a person to help someone for free.
Cultivating kindness requires a person to have high self-control and self-discipline. It is important to learn to promptly recognize the emergence of such feelings as pride, envy, anger and work through them. When negative emotions are processed, there will be room in the heart for good and bright things.
If negative feelings arise frequently, you need to find an effective, constructive way to deal with them. This could be systematic exercise, walks in the park, handicrafts or general cleaning. All of the above activities will help normalize the emotional state and restore personal virtuous resources.
It is important for a person to learn to adjust his self-esteem. Virtue and arrogance are incompatible.

A wise old man tells a girl about virtue

Anyone who decides to do good needs to learn to rejoice in the successes of others. Envy is a bad helper in good deeds. People around you should not be viewed as competitors.
You can discover a virtuous resource within yourself if you read fiction that describes the good deeds of this or that hero. Of course, it is easier to develop an individual’s interest in quality literature in childhood than in adulthood, but this does not mean that books about kindness will not help a person become noble and generous.
When communicating with colleagues and friends, you need to monitor your speech and choose your words for critical remarks very carefully. A carelessly spoken word or remark can hurt a person.
The ability to forgive offenders is the greatest skill that all people need to train. The desire for revenge destroys the good beginning in a person. The habit of judging and labeling leads to narrow-mindedness and does not allow a person to hear the silent cry for help from a loved one.
In every person's life there are people who can rightfully be considered kind. Anyone who wants to develop this quality in themselves can imitate good-natured acquaintances. Every adult should remember that he himself is an example for the child, so he must convey socially approved behavior options.
Participation in the volunteer movement and charity events is a great opportunity to feel useful and important for society and citizens in need.

Kindness starts with little things. A friendly smile, a compliment to the cashier at the supermarket, a woman’s heavy bags delivered to the entrance - all these are the little things that ultimately form the model of behavior of the kindest person.

Is revenge necessary?

Revenge is the destiny of a weak personality, a negative action that is aimed at causing harm to someone who previously offended you. When faced with injustice, every person has a feeling of resentment, frustration, and then a desire for revenge. This concept is viewed from several angles:

the individual must defend his opinion and the interests of others;
By taking revenge, we fall to the same level as the person who committed the bad deed.

Before retaliating and fighting for a fair relationship, first think about whether it makes sense to cause harm in return, and whether you want it at all? Maybe the best solution would be to reflect for a while and then forgive, rather than suffer from remorse later. However, this is a choice that everyone makes, guided by their own desires.

The degree of moral or physical damage is of great importance. It is easy and simple to forgive everyday quarrels or professional discussions, but it is very difficult to earn forgiveness for serious harm or caustic insults; it will take a long time. People believe that ignoring and showing indifference to negative attitudes is an expression of weakness and disrespect for oneself.

Remember that every choice we make can lead to some consequences. Having taken revenge, the individual will satisfy the desire and punish the offender, but at the same time demonstrate negative behavior.

In this article, I explained what kindness is, defined the concept of a “kind person” and described what he is like. Good deeds and polite behavior contribute to the formation of a positive assessment of society. Relatives, acquaintances, friends, colleagues will always give you a helping hand as gratitude for your generosity and support.

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Examples of kindness in life

There are many examples of kindness in everyday life:

A new employee was hired for the position of general manager, although one of the company’s employees was counting on a promotion. But by nature he was kind, so he did not envy the new employee. Instead of being hostile to him, he tried to help him, introduced him to the specifics of the work and legal acts. The initial good attitude towards the new employee eventually grew into a strong friendship.
Returning home from school in winter, the girl saw a puppy on the porch, shivering from the cold. She was afraid that her mother would not allow her to take the dog home, but she couldn’t leave the baby on the street to die. The girl brought the puppy home. Together with his mother, they tried to find his owner by posting advertisements, but no one was in a hurry to take the dog. As a result, the puppy remained in this family.

A girl saved a puppy from death on the street in the cold

The man was hurrying home from work on March 8. He dropped into the store to buy flowers for his wife and daughter. Near the flower shop table there is a boy counting coins in his palm. The man noticed that the boy was almost crying. He squatted down in front of him and asked: “Did something happen to you?” There were tears in the boy’s eyes, he quietly answered: “Today is a holiday. I wanted to buy my mother a rose, but I don’t have enough money.” Then the young man took the boy by the hand and they went into the store together. The boy chose a delicate white rose as a gift to his mother. The man nodded approvingly and paid for this flower. “Thank you, thank you!” — the boy whispered, not believing his happiness. The man smiled as he looked at him.

Quotes from famous people

Many famous people have paid attention to the importance of kindness as a social phenomenon, as evidenced by their statements:

“If a person is kind, it doesn’t matter what he’s wearing” (G. Freytag);
“When a person does good, his soul rejoices” (Plautus);
“Children learn kindness in the family” (V.A. Sukhomlinsky);
“Kindness is the wonderful music of the soul” (R. Rolland);
“Doing a good deed is the best reward for it” (R. Emerson);
“The ability to do good is the greatest happiness” (D. Baer);
“An act that was done by decree cannot be considered good” (I. Turgenev);
“No earthly force can change the nature of kindness” (Democritus).

The nature of good and evil

Not only adults are capable of empathy - at least, Maayan Davidov and her colleagues came to such conclusions after studying the reactions of infants to the state of people around them. During the experiment, it turned out that many children under six months old react to stimuli such as another crying child or a mother who is upset. Moreover, they react not with reciprocal irritation, but with concern, and the older the child, the more strongly this manifests itself.

However, as the same experiment showed, not all children have such an innate sense of empathy. Since we are talking about babies who have not yet had time to absorb cultural, social and family norms, scientists make careful assumptions that

the level of empathy, as well as a predisposition to altruism and cruelty are inherent in our genes

However, we are talking specifically about predisposition, i.e. in a good situation, if the child ends up in the right family and is raised by parents who do not have problems with empathy and a moral compass, everything will be fine.