If there are connections between people, then the emotional one is the strongest and most important. This may be obvious to you. However, many people may only appear to be interacting emotionally.
Emotional attraction is essential when it comes to a successful relationship.
Men take longer to build deep emotional connections. They need appreciation and perspective.
Physical attraction in a relationship is definitely important. But not in the same way as the emotional one. Let's look at the signs that there is an emotional connection.
Let's sum it up
- Emotional and energetic connection is what keeps couples together. This is not love, but rather a common space - something that can no longer be imagined without a partner. You can call it an attachment or a habit.
- In couples where the relationship is good, this connection only makes people closer. And if there are conflicts, the opposite is true. Communication prevents people from looking at each other objectively and makes quarrels more emotional and acute.
- In this matter, it is important to maintain a golden mean - to have a common space in a couple and at the same time for each to have their own. Then the partners have time to take a break from each other and get bored, and they also have something to share.
- To create a connection, you need to be as respectful and interested in each other’s hobbies as possible. Maintain good relationships with friends and relatives, ask about hobbies, involve each other in everyday life.
- Sometimes there is a need to break the connection. In this case, you need to fill your life and, most importantly, your thoughts with something else. It is important that it is not alcohol and drugs, but interesting and useful things for self-development. A sport or a new hobby would be an ideal choice.
• Child's attachment
It is the opposite of the previous view. A person experiencing it craves care, guardianship, and attention to himself. There is nothing wrong with this, but usually there is another sign: an unwillingness to bear responsibility for the other partner and even oneself. Such attachment is typical for an infantile, psychologically immature, dependent, insecure person. All these vices grow from parental overprotection, which originates in the subject’s childhood. A patron for a child is a fulcrum, a wall behind which one can hide and feel safe. A person does not care that gradually in such relationships he loses himself, his I, turns into an adult child, completely unadapted to life and constantly living in fear of losing his caregiver.
Emotional connection with a person
If you agree to maintain a relationship, despite the absence in it of even a hint of an emotional connection with a person and mutual understanding, you voluntarily agree to suffering and dissatisfaction with life. Because most likely, such a relationship will not end well.
Even if your partner finds it difficult or does not want to build an emotional connection with you, he will still want your involvement in the relationship. A person wants to see that he is loved and understood, even if he is not ready to lift a finger for this. Over time, most likely very quickly, you will feel that such a relationship is not capable of satisfying you. All communication and interaction in them is superficial, uninteresting and not worth the effort. It cannot make you feel understood and loved. You seem to be spending time with a person, talking about something, interacting somehow, but it’s as if they don’t see you. Your partner doesn’t care at all whether you are there or not.
It is very dangerous to agree to continue a relationship just because no one is perfect. If in a relationship the partner is not tuned in to you, does not resonate, then a contradiction appears. You stay in a relationship, become attached to a person and fall into the trap, because he didn’t care about you, and most likely will.
Such situations are not isolated, they are quite widespread, so for psychologists there is no mystery about how your relationship will develop. Trying to accept your partner for who he is will not drown out your desires and needs, which will only lead to you feeling pain longer.
It all starts with being disappointed in your expectations. It becomes clearer that you will never receive the desired warmth and reciprocity from this person. Trying to adapt to this, accept him and continue to love him, you will not get anything good from the relationship, only more disappointments.
• Consumer or buyer attachment
As a rule, it is one-sided. If one party plays the role of a consumer, the other plays the role of a product. The second is the same to the first as a thing: necessary, useful in everyday life. True, this type of attachment is short-lived. Sooner or later the subject will get tired of “consuming” the same thing and the buyer will go in search of a new, fresher, original product. It is foolish to expect stable contacts in conditions of such attachment. If you show indignation, indignation at your partner’s consumerist attitude toward you, you can easily lose him; If you put up with everything without complaint, you have the opportunity to quickly get bored of your partner. Mutual consumer attachment can only appear in the case of a beneficial relationship for both partners. This happens, for example, in relationships between lovers based on pure sex without obligations or feelings.
Emotional connection in a relationship
Our nature is such that everyone wants warmth, depth and emotional connection in a relationship. It is unlikely that you will be satisfied with superficial communication, even if it is very good and technical, with trips to cafes, the right phrases and gifts. But when your emotional needs are ignored, given no more importance than annoying flies, it is difficult to continue to maintain a relationship.
To the greatest extent, it all comes down to the characteristics of our brain. It is designed in such a way that a person simply needs an emotional connection in a relationship. A romantic relationship without emotional intimacy is a very strange situation for the brain. He will not understand what is going on, trying to somehow adapt to incomprehensible circumstances. These adaptation attempts will not go unnoticed by you. There is a risk of falling into an anxious-depressive state, and even manifestations of psychosomatic disorders are possible.
Thus, the sensations in the body are intended to give you an alarm signal. It’s as if the body is screaming: “Something is wrong, solve this situation urgently.” Trying to still accept the situation and the partner as they are will not lead to the desired result. The pain of realizing your uselessness in a relationship will continue and intensify until it leads to numbness.
It is a mistake to try with all your might to get used to living somewhere on the border between the imaginary world of expectations and reality. This strategy is obviously a failure, since desperate attempts to finally feel loved and needed will only lead to getting stuck in the situation.
Violation of emotional connections
It’s a terrible feeling when your loved one is physically nearby, here he is, sitting next to you and minding his own business, nothing has changed outwardly, but the feeling is as if he is at the other end of the Earth and you just can’t reach and shout to him. This is how a violation of emotional connections manifests itself. In this situation, cognitive dissonance will inevitably appear - a discrepancy between what you see and feel. Of course, the situation is difficult and unpleasant, but, unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about it. Staying in such a trap for a long time can lead to a state of “learned helplessness”, even when some opportunity arises to change everything, you will do nothing. All that remains is to live like a robot in the usual way and make sluggish movements, learned over the years, to maintain relationships. It’s not difficult to guess that in such relationships there is not even a smell of happiness. Due to the disruption of emotional ties, only disappointment and bitterness await you.
For us, as social creatures, intimacy and relationships with other people are a natural way of satisfying our own needs and a key area of life. But in the described union you are unlikely to get at least something good. It's no longer even about getting the positive out of the relationship, but rather about how to get less negativity. A partner does not have to be callous, rude and gloomy. He can joke charmingly, tell interesting stories and be a very pleasant person. But what is the use of this if you always feel some kind of emptiness inside and there is no emotional connection. Conversations with him are not memorable, they leave you with nothing. It was and was, it doesn’t matter. It just doesn’t “catch”, doesn’t evoke emotions.
Are you really ready to live with him further, make some common plans, maintain “dead” relationships for the sake of... what? Shadows of the past? In memory of what was once good? This will lead to nothing, and you will only waste your time. Every person has the right to happiness, to a relationship in which they are loved, valued and afraid of losing. If you stay with a person who doesn’t care about you, first of all, you don’t love and value yourself. Be honest with yourself. Admit that you really want emotional intimacy in your relationship. But you won’t find this in the ones you have now. There is a widely known saying: “The horse is dead - get off.” Finally start using it. And don't be afraid to pursue the happiness you truly deserve.
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How to break a connection if it already exists?
- First, remove reminders from your life as much as possible. Sentimental little things, gifts, photographs. The less of this there is around, the faster unwanted memories will leave your heart. You should not arrange “rituals” - burning gifts or throwing them away in a showy manner. Calmly put them in the closet for now - then decide what to do with them when the emotions subside.
- Do something else in your life. The main point is that it should be a useful activity. Under no circumstances try to drown your connection with a person in alcohol, drugs and (especially) promiscuous sex. You may feel better for an hour or two, but in the morning you will feel much worse.
- The best option is to improve yourself. Throw yourself into work, start going to the gym or learn a new language. Walk more, drink clean water, read good books and watch good movies. Let your head be filled with a good and high-quality product.
