Psychology of successful communication: the secret is mirroring

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The mirror effect - the external always reflects the internal - is the law by which our Universe works. According to him, everything and everyone around a person are different facets of the reflection of himself.

When engaging in self-knowledge and self-development, it is impossible to ignore the topic of mirrors and reflections. After all, this is the first law that it is important to learn to understand and decipher.

It is through reflection that you can see in yourself what you have no idea about, what you don’t notice otherwise.

WHAT IS MIRRORING

Mirroring or reflection is an exact copying of the actions, words, and mood of the interlocutor.

Types of reflection

Reflection can be conscious or unconscious, complete or partial, that is, affecting one or more aspects of your counterpart’s behavior. Conventionally, it can be classified into the following levels:

Physical (bodily) level:

• reproduction of body position,
• reflection of movements and gestures,
• repetition of facial expressions,
• adjustment to the rhythm of breathing.

Sound (voice) level:

• volume, tone and timbre of voice,
• speed and rhythm of speech.

Verbal (verbal) level:

• speech style,
• terminology used,
• intonation,
• emotional coloring of speech, etc.

Methods of mirroring can vary and change in the process of communication.

Unconscious reflection is most often found among like-minded people and friends who sincerely love each other. Unconscious reflection of speech can manifest itself if you want to convey your thought to a person who speaks your language poorly. Relatives mirror each other , for example, adults begin to speak in a “children’s” language in the hope that they will understand them more quickly. Children, in turn, also imitate their elders, wanting to be accepted into their midst.

Conscious reflection is often used in various teaching methods, as well as to correct communication problems and in sales psychology.

They mirror not only a person’s physical manifestations, but also interests, emotions, and hobbies .
Thus, the still known practice of inviting professional musicians, songwriters, and in some cases mourners, serves to form the desired mood among others by reflecting, transforming and directing the psychological state of those present in the right direction.

How people mirror each other. How two people in a couple “mirror” each other

Most people are familiar with the idea that in a couple, partners “mirror” each other. This is how it really is, because people are attracted to each other primarily by common spiritual tasks. In other words, the one who is next to the person at a given moment in time is the one who best helps the person learn his life lesson. So it turns out that what you don’t like about your partner is actually present in some form in you and, moreover, is your lesson.

For example, when your mother-in-law annoys you, you need to look for the cause of the problem in your relationship with your mother. Obviously, you need to look not in outwardly beautiful relationships, but in hidden relationships at a subtle level. The same applies to problems with the mother-in-law: the initial cause will be hidden, accordingly, in the energetic influence of the mother on the son. When, for example, they complain that an adult man behaves like a child - irresponsibly, thoughtlessly, carelessly - you need to understand that the same energy is found in a woman. She will only show herself from the other side. Let's say, a super responsible, serious, pragmatic girl may in her heart be completely unprepared for the birth of a child and the changes associated with this event. If they say that a man lacks strength, perseverance, and the ability to lead, the question immediately arises: do you have such confidence and readiness to follow him? That's right, no. Your doubts about whether you made a mistake in choosing a man and whether you are wasting your time next to him are “mirrored” by your partner. Having learned to comprehend the “shortcomings” of your partner and understand what issues they draw your attention to, it is quite possible to free yourself from these energies, while improving your relationship with your loved one.

Reflection mechanism

Mirroring (reflection) of the interlocutor is based on the formation in the interlocutor or a group of people of a feeling of acceptance and closeness according to the Mowgli principle (“you and I are of the same blood”). Based on similar movements, gestures, interests, vocabulary used, manners and similar signals, a person gets the feeling that the interlocutor is the same, one of his own. This relaxes the person, reduces anxiety, removes blockages and thereby encourages him to listen, trust, understand and accept.

If the reflection is perceived by a person as unnatural or, worse, the interlocutor demonstrates diametrically opposite signals, he is perceived as a stranger, a danger from whom he must be protected. Such a situation will, at best, lead to misunderstanding, and at worst, to open conflict. At the same time, the parties to the conflict will not realize what exactly caused their disagreements.

An unnatural reflection is always noticeable and is perceived very negatively.

The more unnoticeably and naturally mirroring is carried out, the easier it is to gain the interlocutor’s favor and even influence the point of view and actions.

A way to solve almost all problems

Interestingly, mirroring is one of the good ways to make peace. When you quarreled with someone and want to regain their favor, just mirror him, and the person will meet you halfway much faster.
If you need to conclude a serious business agreement, get a prestigious job, and generally just make another person like you, you need to mirror.
Your interlocutor likes himself by default, use this quality and become just like him for a while. Everything ingenious is simple! If you want to learn even more secrets on seducing girls, subscribe to my VKontakte page.

Mirroring Basics

Reflection is often used in pedagogy and psychology, including sales psychology.

By tuning into your interlocutor by reflecting his physical, emotional, verbal and other signals, you can achieve his trust and attention. If you then gradually change your signals, the person will begin to unconsciously repeat them and change his attitude towards what is happening, following in the direction the interlocutor needs.

You can always find or create common points. You don't have to tell a lie to do this.

Remember during exams at school or college, without knowing the answer to a specific question on the ticket, you could always try to shift the focus of the discussion to another topic that was more familiar to you. For example, when talking about the properties of gases, one could move on to the operation of an internal combustion engine or the design of a converter furnace and get a fairly high score. Of course, provided that you are fluent in this topic.

When discussing the latest technological innovations, you don’t have to imagine that you own every conceivable set of devices. You may know something about them, have heard something about them, or at least want to know more. You will be considered the smartest interlocutor if you show real interest in your counterpart and are ready to listen to him, gradually mirroring and guiding him.

Mirror effect. Conclusion:

The whole world is a reflection. Therefore, when once again something “hurts” or “catches” in another person, it is important to remember that this is not him, it’s just the mirror effect or the law of reflection at work.

Look carefully deep into yourself, analyze (the easiest and most effective way to do this is with the help of Easter eggs) and correct yourself, in your thoughts, feelings, behavior. Then even the most difficult situation will be resolved in the most favorable way, and any conflict with the most unpleasant person will cease to “catch” and worry.

The external reflects the internal, and it depends only on the person himself what the world will reflect to him: weaknesses and complexes or talents and dreams. What's inside is also outside.

For those who want to learn how to work with mirrors, “Pysanka—clarification” can help.

Basic reflection techniques

• Body position

Did your counterpart lean forward? Wait a couple of moments and repeat his movement.

Did he lean back in his chair? Slowly change your position.

Your interlocutor is aggressive, his arms and legs are crossed. Cross your arms calmly, then relax for a few seconds and open your arms. This way you will show him on a non-verbal level. That there is no need to be afraid of you and ease the tension a little.

• Gestures and facial expressions

It is not necessary to wave your arms after your interlocutor, as if you were a windmill. But it will be useful to give some liveliness to your hands. Don’t grimace if your counterpart’s facial expressions are lively and intense, but try to feel the same as the person opposite you, and you will adapt to his mood on an emotional level.

• Speech

If you speak slowly and your interlocutor is swallowing his words, try speaking a little faster and in short phrases. This way he will have time to hear you. Speech that is too slow for him simply will not be perceived by him.

Try to use terminology and speech patterns close to the speech of your interlocutor. Do not use words that you may not know the meaning of. In different areas, the same words can carry completely different meanings. Feel free to clarify the essence of a particular term. By doing this you will show your interest and will be able to win him over more quickly.

• Interests

When communicating, try to identify the common ground between you and your interlocutor. This may be his hometown, to which you once came on official business. This could be his favorite thing that you always wanted to do, but never got around to.

Any such moment can turn a boring conversation into a pleasant informal conversation.

Let's dig deeper

Psychology is a funny science.
Mirroring is one of many techniques, but one of the most powerful, close to hypnosis. I would still like to talk about the most powerful method of influencing an interlocutor - mirroring his behavior, character, worldview and other qualities. This is the most powerful tool in your arsenal, which takes a really long time to train, but it will bear fruit. When the interlocutor looks at you and subconsciously sees himself in all manifestations, even in the deepest ones, a completely different level of communication opens up from the first minutes. The person feels as if he has known you all his life. It is in such situations that the most intimate secrets are revealed to you, you are given unique valuable information from a variety of areas. Even the powers that be begin to communicate on equal terms with any person who can completely mirror them.

This is why it is so important to develop this skill.

How to develop? It’s a question of training and the plasticity of your character. Many people are simply not ready to neglect their principles in order to become a copy of another. Not everyone wants to turn into a kind of plasticine. Some will consider this duplicity. The moral side of the issue will remain open. It's up to you to decide whether to work with it or not.

Developing in this direction is simple, but really long. Many people are unique and you will not be able to create 100% working templates. But no one will forbid you to approach this result. Constantly mirror your surroundings all the time. This is especially necessary when you are communicating alone with someone. Try not to lose control of the situation, and then all the delights of manipulation will be revealed to you. You will decide for yourself how to use them.

There is a small caveat. If you are in a company, it is important to remain yourself. You can only mirror one person throughout the conversation. If you start trying to mirror everyone, you will definitely fail. You will be considered an extremely strange and even inadequate person. Stay neutral.

How men mirror us. Men mirror us

Treat yourself the way you want a man to treat you

Men change, but the relationship scenario remains the same. Even if at first everything goes differently, over time there is a return to normal.

Surely you have come across the fact that the same man manifests himself completely differently with different women. And with the same woman, completely different men end up showing themselves in the same way. With every failed romance, women subconsciously draw not the best conclusions about themselves and what they deserve.

Woe from know-it-all Men, one might say, are confident from birth that a woman is a mystery. What she needs, how she needs it, they don’t know. And the ladies, by the way, have a problem with this! Women from birth know what men need, how they need it, with whom, how many times... As a result, a woman tries to fulfill the needs of her loved one, does anyone, anything, and spends her life on someone else, but not on herself. And men, possessing their peculiarity of ignorance of the true desires of women, when meeting them, at a subconscious level, at first they remove information. About how you feel about yourself, what you, from your point of view, deserve, whether you spend money on yourself or save on yourself, whether you eat from beautiful dishes or slurp from a saucepan on the run, and much more. It’s not that they are directly specifically observing you; in casual communication, this process most often takes place completely unconsciously. It's just how it works.

She's like that. Do you know what kind of women men groom and cherish? Sleek and lily! It simply wouldn’t even occur to a man that such a woman could be treated differently! So pay attention to how men treat you. This can be very valuable, they just point in the direction in which you need to work on yourself. For example, if he constantly scolds and criticizes you, then most likely you yourself are engaged in self-criticism and humiliation inside. If a man beats you, then most likely you are ready to kill yourself internally for something. After breaking up with another man, do not rush into a new relationship. Look around, analyze what did not suit you in your previous contact. And go ahead - engage in personal development! Cultivate the kind of attitude towards yourself that you want to see from your loved one. And everything will change for the better.

A story for a snack: There lives a wonderful girl, she has a good family, a loving husband, a son, and she does what she loves. In general, a happy woman! She told a funny story. In the morning, her husband suggested that she prepare breakfast while she cleaned herself up. It should be noted that she loves everything beautiful and always elegantly sets the table for her beloved men. But when you need to have a snack yourself, you don’t have time to do all the serving, and so you can grab it right from the board, scoop it out of a saucepan, or chew it out of a bag... So that morning she came out of the bathroom, and her husband had already prepared everything and went on to bed. She walks into the kitchen, and everything on the table is neatly cut and waiting for her - on the cutting board. Like this. And it's not because he's an asshole. He sincerely loves his wife and cares about her. It’s just that if you usually eat straight from the board, then the man will think that this is how you like it most.

Mirror syndrome of the fifth degree[edit]

The person finally loses touch with reality. The only reality is your own reflection in the mirror. Severely affected by mirror disease, a person talks to his reflection and, judging by his behavior, is sure that he is receiving an answer: emotions are clearly expressed, the person shouts out phrases, behaves as if he hears the answer, his facial expression is constantly changing, as if something... that's what happens to him. However, he is not able to communicate what is happening to other people, since he completely sincerely does not notice not only their questions, but also their very existence, which makes healing so difficult.

Communicating with his reflection, a person forgets about urgent needs, which in especially severe cases can lead to death.

Why is it better to respond to signs from the Universe?

As you already understand, the mirror effect is the signs of the Universe, the Almighty, the Creator, as it will be more convenient for you to perceive. They are sent to us as signs that we need to be quickly understood and worked on.

Like attracts like. And, if the work is not done, then the lessons accumulate, intensify and become more difficult.

Each person wears a huge number of masks throughout his life, as a result, behind all this “fog” it is very difficult for him to discern his true self, but this is the first step towards harmony.

Often a person unconsciously pushes into the subconscious what he doesn’t like about himself or pushes there his desires that he is afraid to realize.

Yes, in such cases a person does not remember his painful experiences, fears, and traumas. But, in order for all this not to crawl out of the subconscious into consciousness, the subconscious has to spend a lot of human energy so that the “Pandora’s box” is tightly closed.

Therefore, while working through something on your own or during a regression session, you may notice that after realizing and accepting any “hook”, you feel a surge of energy and lightness, as if “a weight has been lifted off your shoulders.”

Look at negative situations, at people who annoy you with a smile and gratitude!

Thank them as your best Teachers, who help you understand yourself and show your “light” and “dark” sides.

Before you complain about fate in some unpleasant situations, remember the mirror effect.

Accept and love yourself, exactly as you are. Neutralize the negative charge for your further harmonious development, free your potential!

Living in harmony is great!

Read and watch the video section “Messages from Higher Powers about the quantum transition”, read the article “Main Laws of the Universe”

PS: For those who are determined and really plan to improve their lives, I have prepared as a gift a powerful meditative exercise to cleanse the consciousness and subconscious of negative energy.

The exercise is suitable for both beginners in meditation and more advanced practitioners.

Treatment methods[edit]

Master, heal me...

It was once believed that the best method of treatment was to take away the patient’s mirrors and cameras and separate him from his “fans.” However, it turned out that at the same time, patients panic and try to build a mirror from scrap materials, including the doctor, who is constantly asked: “What do I look like? Am I very pale? Does my hairstyle suit me? Do you like me? Aren't I great? Why don’t you applaud then? I am beautifull? Just beautiful or very beautiful? Or maybe the most beautiful? Am I really, really the most beautiful?” etc. Therefore, this method was found to be ineffective.

Reorienting the patient to more interesting aspects of life and creative activity is considered effective. All that remains is to find a way to reorient...

Third person compliments

Everything is clear here: in order not to look like an overly flattering person, you can use a technique such as third-person compliments. For example, you met a colleague from the HR department who is known for baking excellent pancakes that she likes to treat everyone to. You can tell her this: “I met the head of the transport department here, and he is simply delighted with your pancakes!” After this, by the way, you can even ask something important to you. For example: “By the way, do you happen to know when we are expecting a salary increase?”

Signs of the disorder

The main symptom of BDD is dissatisfaction with one's appearance. Any parts of the body are subject to distribution. Most often it is the skin, face, body proportions and excess weight, hair, legs, stomach. Patients find an imaginary defect in themselves or exaggerate body features: small breasts, a humpbacked nose, a huge nose, a crooked mouth, pop-eyedness.

A banal example: a girl with an objectively good figure considers herself a “fat cow,” ugly, shapeless.

Self-criticism is a pretty good thing, envy is natural and inherent in any personality. In people with dysmorphophobia, self-criticism is overdeveloped, going beyond what is permitted. They simply consider themselves freaks who do not have the right to a full life, compare themselves with other people or public figures, complaining and lamenting why they cannot have the same “normal” appearance.

An imaginary defect takes over the patient's life. He constantly thinks about how to hide it from others. For example, he disguises “fullness” with robes, and covers moles on the neck with a scarf. To hide forehead wrinkles, he wears a cap or grows bangs, and covers minor skin imperfections with a ton of cosmetics.

The behavior of a dysmorphophobe is characterized by certain nuances:

• spends a lot of time looking at himself in the mirror. Outside the home, he examines his own reflection in any mirrored surfaces - shop windows, window glass;
• refuses to look in the mirror. Removes all mirror surfaces from its own space. If they are accidentally discovered, then under the pressure of emotions they are capable of breaking them;
• avoids being photographed. In his arsenal there are only a few photos with personal images. He says they don't look good in photos. Finds any reason to avoid getting into the frame. In fact, he is catastrophically afraid that his “ugliness” will be recorded;
• interested in information about plastic surgery, cosmetic procedures, dietary nutrition;
• before leaving the house, he spends a lot of time getting ready, carefully honing his image so that the “flaw” is not accidentally noticed by strangers;
• is fanatical about sports;
• in communication with loved ones, he systematically raises the issue of his defect. Forces people to say that he is ugly, leading to a scandal;
• at a certain point, stops leaving the house or appears on the street at uncrowded times, for example, during the day, when most people are at work, or at night - it’s dark, no one will see;
• thoughts about the defect give rise to obsessive actions - feeling the face, hair, a peculiar body position;
• creates an extravagant image to distract attention from the shortcoming.

Psychological audit of your personality (for 1 year):

A psychological personality audit cannot be carried out based on emotions, otherwise there will be very wrong conclusions. For auditing you need logic. In particular, this is why it is advisable to involve in a psychological audit not your relative or friend, but a psychologist who can conduct such an audit impartially. But a psychological audit can be carried out independently.

First of all, determine the range of issues that the audit should check. Let's boil them down to 5 meanings: health, relationships, finances, your spiritual world, career. Divide a piece of paper into 5 sectors and describe in each of them what happened to you over the past year. Proceed from the fact that we can describe all processes in terms of flourishing or fading (because stagnation in some area is already extinction). On the “Jacob’s ladder” each person has only two paths - either up, to the revelation of personality, or down, to the gradual degradation of personality. Apply the natural metaphors of “spring” (blooming, awakening), “summer” (the time of flowering), “autumn” (harvesting and some cooling) and winter (the period of extinction, “hibernation”) to describe each area of ​​your life. A specific example - take your phone book and see how many contacts have been added (or decreased) in it, and then, in terms of quality, what exactly does communicating with these people give you? What period do you have in this area: spring, summer, autumn or winter? And so you need to analyze each of the 5 areas of your life over the past year.

As an additional tool, use the Descartes square, which allows you to answer any practical personality request, breaking it down into 4 questions for self-analysis: