Children's egocentrism is not selfishness, but a stage of development

Children's egocentrism is part of a child's development. It lies in the fact that the child, seeing constant care and attention from others, begins to take it for granted, and reacts painfully to any changes in relation to his own person.

Egocentrism as a characteristic of an individual is an integral part of a child’s development.

First, most children have egocentric speech because they often talk to themselves. The concept of children's egocentrism occupies a central place in the disclosure of inner speech and the entire inner world of the child. Sometimes children exhibit aggressive behavior.

Behavioral characteristics

Egocentric speech is the preliminary stage that leads to actual socialized speech, such as that used by adults. Children have difficulty managing their own thought processes; they cannot handle symbolic and abstract operations the way adults do. Egocentric speech resembles a monologue addressed to no one. Everyone uses this language as a child to accompany their actions. This makes it an assistive mechanism for the child's daily activities. According to scientific research, the amount of egocentric speech in preschool age is extremely high. Approximately half of the speech patterns of 6-7 year old children ego src=»https://margoritka.ru/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/child-self-regulation.jpg» class=»aligncenter» width=»550″ height=”287″[/img]

Thus, egocentrism and its behavioral characteristics predominate in childhood.

Needless to say, adults can be self-centered too. Egocentrism in adulthood is a personality trait and part of the character structure. The social environment surrounding a self-centered person is not of particular interest to him. The only concerns of these adults are their internal and external feelings, desires and actions. It is clear that people's first priority may be themselves.

Egocentrism is considered normal when it does not border on pathology. Pathological egocentrism contains features of selfishness and can serve as a negative factor in a person’s social interactions. Extreme selfishness may be a symptom of mental illness.

From my own childhood memories:

I remember the line at the store and I was crying and begging my mom to buy me “that delicious pink bubble gum.” I also remember my mother patiently explaining to me that the purpose of our visit was not gum, but other products necessary for our existence. We didn't have enough money for food, which was beyond my childish and selfish understanding. My mom finally gave in and bought me some gum, which I immediately threw back on the customer service desk, screaming, “I want another one!” This one is thin, but I need a thick one! - By saying this, I meant that I need the whole box, and not just one.

I now look back on this incident with a distinct sense of shame. When this situation happened, I didn't feel any stings at all. I consider this childish egocentrism and, perhaps, lack of upbringing.

Scientists have proven that excessive egocentrism is harmful to interpersonal relationships in adulthood. As mentioned above, children's egocentrism is a scientifically based phenomenon that is considered normal and necessary for the development process.

From the point of view of adults, egocentrism is a position in which a person consciously puts himself. It is characterized by a focus on one's feelings, experiences and interests, and an inability to receive and consider information that contradicts these experiences. This is especially important when conflicting information comes from someone else. In psychology, egocentrism is described in terms of various aspects of mental activity. This is cognitive egocentrism, which characterizes primarily the processes of perception and thinking, moral egocentrism, the meaning of which lies in the inability to understand the moral foundations of other people’s behavior, communicative egocentrism, for example. Generally speaking, egocentrism is associated with cognitive processes.

Communicating with an egocentric child is not an easy task, because he is used to having the only correct opinion - his own. And this is largely a consequence of mistakes in education. Remember the well-known Marfushenka-Darling from the fairy tale “Morozko”, the mother constantly spoils the already grown girl, protects her from any household worries, is touched by any trick of her daughter, she is allowed to offend her sister with impunity, the father has no weight in the family, and is not able to eccentric girl. As a result, Marfushenka is “king and god,” and everyone else is directly subordinate to her.

This is the surest way to raise an egocentric child. There is a very memorable phrase in the fairy tale “The Snow Queen” - “Pamper your children, and then they will grow up to be real robbers.”

Now we know how the character of egocentrics is formed. We realized our mistakes, drew conclusions, but now how can we correct the situation so that egocentrism does not enter the “chronic” stage. Restoring the authority of parents is not easy, but you can start by learning to say a firm “no” to the next whim, remembering your own hobbies, so that parental attention and care are not intrusive, do not allow your child to offend other people, instill in him respect for others , the ability to share with peers, do not rush to the child if he has fallen lightly, you also need to feel sorry in moderation. By gradually changing your attitude towards your baby, you will notice more independence and other positive changes in him. Don't rush, you will achieve results over time.

Causes of egocentrism

Egocentrism in psychology is a violation of a person’s personal behavior, characterized by an inability to normally identify oneself when interacting with others, a lack of understanding of the value of the opinions and interests of other members of society.

The reasons for the development of egocentrism are:

attitudes received in childhood, when the child in the family was the center of attention and the selfishness nurtured in him develops into egocentrism in adulthood. It should be noted that egocentrism and selfishness are different. Egoists are aware of the desires and needs of other people, but at the same time purposefully neglect them. Egocentrics, due to the peculiarities of their worldview, do not even think about the fact that other people may have needs, wants and their own opinions, since they are entirely focused on themselves;
a childhood that is excessively stingy with material and emotional joys, when a person as an adult tries to cover unmet needs, completely ignoring the desires and needs of other people;
misunderstanding of the boundaries between the person himself and other people, when he hardly understands why it is impossible to cross the personal boundaries of another person in order to achieve his goals;
high position in society, importance of position, wealth (in some cases);
identity crisis – problems with self-determination and personality formation, designating one’s place in society;
incorrect personality development - when instilled social values are not transformed into one’s own attitudes;
inadequate idea of one’s own “I” and other members of society;
misunderstanding and denial of the value of another person;
disregard for generally accepted moral values;
lack of self-criticism, inflated self-esteem;
developmental trauma - egocentrics do not fully understand that other people are individuals with their own feelings.

There are many more self-centered individuals among females. Researchers also note that both women and men, as they age, can return to childhood egocentrism due to age-related changes.

Children's egoism and egocentrism

Children's egoism should not be confused with egocentrism. Egocentrics consider themselves the center of the universe, and egoists put their interests above others.

What to do with children's egoism? Sometimes it is enough to let the child go among his peers, to a kindergarten or on the street, and there you need to be able to make friends, share and give in, but if the child stubbornly shows selfish qualities, it is better to consult with a child psychologist, he will outline gradual steps to get rid of this “illness.”

An egocentric child is not always a death sentence, but more often the next stage of development. The main thing for parents is that their child overcomes it safely.

But sometimes children’s egocentrism goes beyond the proper boundaries and becomes a character trait that will be smoothed out only by the time the baby grows up and begins to look at the state of things reasonably. As children age, their ability to take a social perspective increases, and their assumptions about similarities with others (egocentric projection) and their intergroup bias should decrease. This is the hypothesis of children's egocentrism, unless mental development is delayed. Some people carry this trait throughout their entire lives. People around him, as a rule, begin to accept such a person with all his shortcomings, getting used to it or ignoring him.

What is egocentrism in psychology?

The word egocentrism itself consists of two components:

“ego” - translated from Greek meaning “I”;
"centrism" - derived from the Latin centrum, meaning the center of a circle.

Accordingly, it is not difficult to understand the meaning of this definition - it means that an individual, a personality, is focused only on himself, his thoughts, feelings and needs, the inability to accept and understand the point of view or opinion of other people, the perception of his person as the center of the universe.

Due to age-related characteristics, such a way of thinking is typical for children under 10-12 years of age, as well as old people, as a result of age-related changes in brain activity. However, sometimes mature adults also adhere to this philosophy of life.

They are strongly focused on their experiences, have their own special worldview, the center of which they see themselves. Self-centered people do not consider it necessary to listen to anyone, be it relatives or strangers, do not respect other people's personal boundaries and are not able to put themselves in the shoes of others and empathize.

It seems to them that only they can have life’s problems and difficulties, and if they achieve success, the help of other people, if any, is completely devalued, and there is an even greater increase in the sense of self-importance and vanity. Such people are very fixated on their experiences, which increases the gap with the real world and reality.

Consequences of egocentrism

If a person does not recognize his problems and does not consider himself a self-centered person, then he subsequently faces an identity crisis - a complete misunderstanding of where his desires and personality end and where the boundaries of another person begin.

All people face this crisis, and it can be resolved in 2 ways:

constructive (creative);
destructive (destructive).

For egocentrics, it is resolved in a destructive way, in which, by denying the uniqueness and value of other people, he loses his own uniqueness, as a result of which the identity process remains incomplete. As a result, in addition to focusing on oneself, a person begins to deny society as a whole, his real prospects, and the history of mankind.

Identity is necessary for further self-knowledge, and self-knowledge helps the individual develop and move forward. Therefore, we can say that an egocentric person stops in his development and, no matter how paradoxical it may sound, he does not harm others so much as he slows down his own development, does not reveal his potential, despite focusing on his own desires.

In psychology, the concept of egocentrism is considered as a cult of personality, supported by itself. The starting point for the development of this phenomenon can be improper upbringing according to the “child is the center of the universe” type, permissiveness, the presence of power and high status, underdeveloped personality, and lack of attention in childhood. All reasons leave their mark on a person’s worldview.

Children up to a certain age are characterized by egocentrism, which helps them understand the world. If it persists into adulthood, it significantly complicates the existence, first of all, of the egocentric himself. It is possible to correct this phenomenon, but without the desire of the person himself it will be difficult to achieve results.

Common Egocentric Traits

Egocentrism in psychology is a special worldview by an individual of himself as the central link of the world around him. Many people tend to exhibit egocentrism to one degree or another.

However, true egocentrics may exhibit several or even all of the traits of an egocentric personality:

the effect of false agreement - it is typical for egocentric people to overestimate the points of view of other people. They tend to believe that the interlocutor must certainly agree with them, as if he does not have his own opinion, or, at least, have similar views on things to them;
suppression of knowledge - if we are talking about some things or phenomena that the egocentric person is well versed in, then most likely he will conduct the conversation in a haughty manner, with some disdain, not taking into account the difference that may exist in knowledge between him and the interlocutor. If he is not strong in some topic, he will treat the conversation with indifference, demonstrating his disinterest and devaluing the discussion or experience of other people;
a sense of transparency - egocentrics believe that other people see their emotional state in various situations, and therefore must adjust their behavior in accordance with their expectations;
spotlight effect - this is a widespread phenomenon in psychology, characterized by the fact that a person (egocentric) greatly overestimates the degree to which other people perceive, evaluate and remember his appearance and actions.

In other words, this is a person’s sincere conviction that close social attention is directed specifically to him.

How can an egocentric person help himself?

If a person is aware of his problem, then he can help himself with the help of self-conviction:

realize that each person is a separate individual, a person with his own different needs, interests and beliefs;
it is important to learn to respect the freedom of each individual (thoughts, actions, decisions);
it is necessary to respect generally accepted norms of behavior that set the limits of what is permitted in terms of violating personal boundaries;
you should try to change your behavior and thinking in accordance with such truths;
you should not give advice and recommendations if no one asked me for it;
you should not devalue the experience and feelings of other people, it is better to try to put yourself in their place and try to feel their emotions;
you need to learn to calmly accept criticism and realize your problem;
you can try to be interested in the lives of other people;
When discussing any problem, try to hear different points of view;
try to do something useful for society (volunteering, helping animals), which will help develop a sense of empathy.

Development of egocentric personality in children and adults

All people up to a certain age are self-centered. This period of time can take up to 10-12 years. Before this period, the child does not have a particularly developed ability to perceive other people as individuals and think about them.

Gradually, with the development of cognitive functions, the child’s consciousness begins to define those around him as separate individuals with their own needs and views.

French psychologist Jean Piaget noted that young children are not able to accept the opinion of another person. He believed that in children, egocentrism manifests itself literally at the physiological level, when a child, closing his eyes while playing hide and seek, quite seriously believes that everything around him is also plunging into darkness.

As they grow older, the features of egocentrism gradually smooth out, as the teenager rapidly develops intellectually and is able to adequately assess reality. However, in some situations, egocentrism may not only persist during adolescence, but also intensify.

Such young people consider themselves special and more important than peers, teachers and other adults. This is due to the teenager’s desire to be the center of attention and demonstrate his uniqueness. Also, teenagers often think that no one understands them, since other people, especially adults, have never experienced such feelings.

With normal personality development in adulthood, manifestations of egocentrism disappear, and the realization comes that there are different opinions of different people. But in the presence of certain inclinations and reasons (excessive spoiling, lack of self-criticism, inflated self-esteem), egocentrism can not only persist, but also intensify.

How to help an egocentric person?

Dealing with an egocentric person can sometimes be quite difficult, but if you want to help a loved one, you should concentrate on the following aspects:

do not make open negative claims against your partner;
try to criticize actions, not the person himself;
try to delicately find out the reasons for self-centered behavior (perhaps it is an inferiority complex, an unresolved conflict or the influence of life’s troubles);
try to bring a self-centered person into a confidential conversation. Since egocentric people love to talk about themselves, it is important to use this moment correctly in a conversation and convey to the person the idea of the need to work on themselves.

Often the core of the problem will have childhood roots. In this case, it will help to analyze the situation with a psychologist, with whom you can work through childhood problems that force a person to focus on himself and neglect others.

About the behavior of an egocentric

Egocentrism in psychology is a term that refers to the inability to accept another's point of view as worthy of attention. When they say that a person is self-centered, they mean that he sees the world only from his own side. A feature of such people is the lack of empathy (the ability to empathize) and concern for the consequences of their actions and actions.

The behavior of an egocentric person manifests itself in all areas of his life. If a person is self-centered, then he will be so in everything and everywhere - at work, in the family, in relationships, in disputes, on social networks.

Egocentrism in relationships

In relationships, self-centered people behave narcissistically, selfishly, without regard for the position of the other person. These manifestations are typical for relationships of different types - family, friendly, love.

The common features are:

not understanding and not accepting the fact that other people are equal subjects of relationships, and not objects who are lucky enough to observe the life of an egocentric and are close to him;
in connection with the above, a sincere lack of understanding by a self-centered person that objects (other people) can have their own thoughts;
a traceable desire to command other people, to change their characters;
egocentric people do not accept criticism and debate from partners and relatives;
demand respect for themselves, not respecting anyone except their own ego;
they sincerely believe that close people should themselves understand what the egocentric wants from them, how exactly they need to love him, and how to act in order to achieve his favor;
they are often offended and try to manipulate their family, friends and loved ones;
self-centered people often choose people with the same characteristics of their worldview as friends;
They are characterized by a lack of curiosity about the personalities of other people, since they sincerely consider them not interesting. They perceive others as spectators, as well as a means to achieve their goals. Often, egocentric people sincerely consider everyone else to be very stupid and narrow-minded;
such a person considers himself and his life special, and in all seriousness believes that other people cannot feel the same feelings, have the same thoughts and experiences as he does;
In relationships with close people, egocentrics often experience a merging of boundaries - they do not perceive their partner or loved one as a separate person and consider them an extension of themselves.

In general, the mental activity and perception of the surrounding world of an egocentric person are arranged in such a way that he feels like an actor, and everyone else is an audience watching him live his unique life.

Egocentrism in conversations

It is also not easy to build a conversation with egocentric people, since they strive to suppress their interlocutor and often the dialogue turns into a monologue.

Traits of egocentrism in psychology.

some psychologists believe that psychological vampires are precisely self-centered people;
in conversations, such people consider themselves the standard of correctness, therefore they criticize the interlocutor and compare his actions with their own;
they defend their position as the only acceptable and correct one. There can be no question of compromise in a conversation with egocentrics;
egocentrics express their dissenting opinions even if they are not asked to do so;
in their speeches they do not particularly choose words, without thinking that this may offend the interlocutor. They are often rude, can be categorical and rude;
in conversations, these people strive to show that they are smarter, better, have a broader outlook and richer life experience.

Also, egocentrics are characterized by long-term subsequent analysis of past disputes and conversations. They once again think about how they looked at the time of the dialogue, evaluate themselves and others.

If they were dissatisfied with the result of the negotiations, received a harsh rebuff, or really turned out to be incompetent in some way, they can try to rehabilitate themselves by calling the interlocutor for a new conversation and carefully preparing for it. It should be noted that this, first of all, harms the egocentrics themselves, since it takes away their energy potential.

Egocentrism in life

Egocentrism also determines the life direction of an individual. In psychology, this concept is closely related to infantilism, an immature state of a person who is unable to take responsibility and make important decisions, primarily concerning her life. It is completely normal for egocentrics to abandon a previously made decision or, in case of failure, to look for someone to blame.

It can be difficult to do business with egocentric people. These are exactly the people who can promise something and then change their plans without explanation. At the same time, they will not even consider it necessary to explain themselves or answer calls, even knowing that they are greatly setting their partner up, driving him into losses. At best, they can blame their partner for getting them into all this.

It is also common for self-centered people to blame their parents for their troubles in life, even as adults. And although psychologists have long recognized that many problems and complexes actually originate in childhood, blaming parents at the age of 35-40 for another failed project is somehow absurd for adults, but not for self-centered people.

They try in every possible way to build a cause-and-effect relationship between their mistakes and the mistakes that their parents made in childhood, and for them this happens in an exaggerated form.

In life, self-centered people are often characterized by:

attempts to take on many obligations and then renege on them;
tendency to addictions (alcohol, food, gambling);
codependent relationships, when a partner or relative has some kind of addiction.

The influence of egocentric behavior

Self-centered people experience difficulties communicating with other people, which, of course, affects different areas of their lives - in their careers, in their families, and when building friendly relationships. Their bias often leads to conflict, and their inability to empathize and accept other points of view pushes people away.

Self-centeredness negatively affects:

formation of trusting relationships;
personal life (closeness and intimacy);
teamwork;
making decisions.

Difficulties arise not only for a self-centered person, but also for his close circle, which is unable to resist his destructive traits. If loved ones fall under the influence of such a person, they can become insecure, complex, and alienated.