How long has it been since you last talked to teenagers? Remember the two extremes to which they are usually thrown? On the one hand, they are insanely “independent”, and on the other hand, they are still very “dependent”. Such a “teenager” is an adult who has retained childish traits. Often such people are also called infantile. We will consider this character with an emphasis on these two subtypes.
Why do many men act like teenagers?
What does an infantile man look like?
Looking at this big child, we notice some signs of immaturity. His head is thrown forward, as if he is looking for something. On an elongated face, depressions are visible on the sides along the cheekbones. The mouth seems especially prominent on the face due to the protruding full lips. The eyes reveal a great need for communication. They are questioning, inviting and disbelieving. The look is naive and trusting. The expression of helplessness on the face is emphasized by a tendency towards myopia. The intonation and the voice itself are weak and sad.
The body of a “teenage man” does not evoke a sense of maturity. It is thin and weak, the bones are thin. His flaccid and underdeveloped muscles leave no hope for great achievements in sports. However, due to a sense of contradiction, “independent teenagers” sometimes achieve success. Their body becomes sinewy and elongated like an arrow. But usually these are relatively slender and tall people, whose movements are apathetic and restrained. A quick glance at such plasticity gives the impression that the person is in big trouble. Perhaps this is true. The life of “teenagers” is not strewn with roses, especially if it is a man. It is easier for a woman to find a patron and cherish his sense of significance. True, in recent years this trend has been changing and more and more often mature, wealthy women are warming up dependent, lanky “boys” on their chests. They provide them with career and personal growth or simply allow them not to work. Returning to the portrait of an infantile man, we add that his shoulders are usually rounded forward, and his arms are weak and limp. The body below the waist is characterized by narrow hips, as well as a small pelvis angled towards the spine and tilted forward. The legs are long, often the knees are connected, forming the letter “X”, the feet are flat and compressed. Have you ever seen hairy children? So, as a rule, a “teenager” has little hair on his body all his life.
What does an infantile “teenage man” look like?
For “teenage women,” the place that magically attracts the gaze of men, that is, the breasts, is often completely absent. For this reason, they have to completely bare their legs. The vast majority of television beauties now belong to the “teenager” type. Therefore, compensating for their dependence and lack of independence, the experience of producing has developed so much.
Adolescence: myths and reality
Not every family has an easy time going through this. Some parents expect a riot on the ship and tighten the screws in advance. Someone unexpectedly notices that yesterday’s baby will soon outstrip in height and is hastily trying to catch up in upbringing...
This time can really be difficult, both for the teenager himself and for his parents. But, like any crisis, you can survive it by allowing something new to enter your life...
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Comment by psychologist Sergei Nikolaevich Shishkov:
“Everything is fine, but this is an immense topic. The teenage period in a boy's life has a decisive influence on most areas of life. And this same period of life passes in deep conflict: the teenager considers himself an adult, but the rest of the world does not. Hence the protest and the desire to isolate ourselves.
This situation is aggravated by the general infantilization of modern men and the pseudo-feminization of women; boys simply have no one to follow a male example. And all that remains for them is a guerrilla war with a Strong Woman.
But no matter what parents do, children grow up. Just help your adult child enter our adult world.”
Adolescence is usually considered to be from the age of 11 to the age of 19.
The teenager begins to master the world of adults - both psychologically and physically, he is getting closer and closer to growing up.
A teenager is increasingly asked both in the family and in society - i.e. he is recognized as having many times more responsibilities than a child.
However, he still doesn't have many rights. In general, the number of responsibilities often significantly exceeds the number of rights. And often - and the possibilities of a teenager.
This is true for adolescents of both sexes.
However, men in our society are presented with noticeably greater demands regarding success, achievements, and social activity. Let’s remember the expressions like you’re a man, which means you have to... and then the list goes on: be strong, earn a lot, support your family... If you add about men don’t cry (as if they don’t have the right to express feelings), it becomes completely sad...
And I want to look at this topic more deeply, to understand how teenagers become men and what parents should do to help and not harm.
Personality features of an infantile man
Do you recognize yourself or someone you know in the description we offered? Then it’s time to talk about what kind of soul lives in this fragile body. “Teenagers” are very interested in other people. This helps them easily connect with them and tune in to their needs. They can be trusted and easy to talk to on a variety of topics. These are very gentle people who know how to love. They easily express all their feelings, except anger. Therefore, if we talk about emotional life, there is a lot to learn from them.
The need of “teenagers” to receive support from others determines the style of their behavior with other people. They tend to be dependent and affectionate in relationships. Constantly looking for support and help. They become strongly attached to people and objects. Gathering and collecting is their strong point.
The character of infantile people
Search rules
Just imagine what psychological combinations occur in relationships where the man is psychologically no more than 6 years old, and his wife has long since passed 45 in terms of development.
With this view of the psychology of relationships, a whole world opens up with its own strange laws and rules.
One of these laws can be called focusing on childhood memories of parents when searching for a partner.
Unfortunately, sometimes these memories are negative, which leads to many problems in adulthood.
Let's assume that your mom and dad always protected you, fed you, bought you toys, but did not give you any attention on an emotional level.
You felt their coldness, you didn’t like it, but there was nothing left to do except accept it.
10-15 years will pass, the first courtship, competition and selection of a suitable soul mate will begin. The associations embedded within you will awaken, which will ultimately bring into your life the same partner as your parents who showed coldness.
It will infuriate, it will hurt and cause thoughts of separation. But behind all the emotional coldness and insensitive care, you will see something close and familiar. You can compare this to Stockholm syndrome, where childhood associations and memories took you hostage.
Character types of “teenagers”
What do you think are the differences between the characters of “independent” and “dependent” teenagers? Let's get a look.
“Addicted Teens”
“Dependent teenagers” are, in essence, big children who need love, affection and care. They have weak ideas about the future and are ready to put their fate in whatever hands they think are strong. They often complain of fatigue, tiredness and passivity, and are prone to depression if their needs are not met. But, if we talk about raising children, it is difficult to find a more understanding and engaging nanny for a child. If the “dependent teenager” is your husband, then do not expect him to make serious decisions and take initiative on his own. But he is the best father-friend in the world.
“Independent teenagers”
About “independent teenagers” we can say that they are self-confident and arrogant. They are afraid to let others take care of themselves. Therefore, they try to be strong and take care of themselves (this is often taken to the point of absurdity due to children's maximalism). They have an exaggerated sense of their own independence, which, however, dissolves under stress. But they constantly test themselves in difficult situations. Therefore, extreme sports are the favorite proof of their worth among “independent teenagers.” Their parents are unimportant - often too harsh, demanding and hysterical.
Intermediate type
However, there is also an intermediate type between “independent” and “dependent”. Such a “teenager” strives to do something useful, difficult, important and is very proud of himself when he succeeds. But he does not seek to prove his own independence. This type of “teenager” is often found among women. They feel that the house will certainly collapse without them, but they leave themselves the opportunity to “hide under the wing” of their partner at any time.
What types of infantile men are there?
Corrective measures in relation to infantile
Surely an infantile man did not appear in your dreams. Who wants to wipe the snot of an adult guy when you yourself want to lean on a strong man’s shoulder? Is it possible to improve the situation? Is there a chance that the infant will grow up?
Infantilism in men is a serious problem, and psychologists say there is no cure for it. Character is formed from childhood, and, as we have already said, serious psychological trauma always contributes to immaturity. Therefore, a man-child is really unlikely to be able to change radically.
There is a small chance of improving the situation when a specialist works with the man: a psychologist or psychotherapist. But even in this case, you will only get a short-term effect. Sooner or later the problems will return, and you will never change your role as a nanny for an over-aged child. If it’s hard for you, you no longer have the strength to rush around with a capricious husband and tolerate his frivolity, consider the possibility of separation. There are many strong and mature men in the world who can take care of you and take on some of your pressing problems.
If you are a strong, powerful woman, try to come to terms with the state of things. Two leaders in a family, as a rule, do not get along, so there is no point in changing your usual way of life. Look at the situation from the other side: you are in charge, no one will contradict you, you manage the budget and make decisions. It is possible that you and your partner are truly compatible and complement each other.
Sex
What about sex? “Teenagers” of all types engage in sex only to feel that there is someone next to them. This is especially pronounced in women. It is enough for them to simply find themselves in bed next to their loved one, cuddle up to him and lie there, feeling his presence with every cell of their body. And the “teenage man” is constantly trying to touch the object of desire. He does not choose the place and time - he just needs contact, at least with the tip of his finger.
How to build a love relationship with an infantile man
Communication between “teenagers”
Then how do “teenagers” communicate? In company, they childishly strive for intimacy, seeking warmth and support. Therefore, they often find themselves among the close friends of soft and sincere people. We can say that they are lucky with friends, they know how to choose them correctly.
By building relationships with people, “teenagers” push them towards patronage. They strive to be educated, trained and helped to realize themselves. However, drawing attention to their person and forcing others to solve their problems, they rarely decide to participate in this process. The main thing is to speak for them, and it is absolutely not necessary to listen to all this. When the “teenagers” themselves open their mouths, it is very difficult to understand them. Because their speech is evasive and they never directly say what they need. But sometimes they themselves don’t know it.
Wardrobe with skeletons
Only a few achieve complete mutual understanding in a relationship or marriage. The rest prefer to remain silent, afraid of hearing ridicule or misunderstanding.
Resentments are accumulated, collected in a “closet”, which over time ceases to accommodate new negativity. The process of endless accumulation of negativity ends with an explosion, which manifests not only grievances against the partner, but also long-forgotten grievances of childhood.
When we were little, parents didn't always know or understand what their child needed. Thanks to the inexperience or inattention of mom and dad, the child did not receive enough attention, care, love, tenderness or any other factor that requires parental time.
Having retained in the subconscious the thirst for what was missing in childhood, we project everything onto unsuspecting partners.
Hence whims, immaturity, selfishness and many other signs of an unhealthy relationship.
Jealousy of “teenagers”
Have you ever encountered the jealousy of “teenagers”? Remember what fireworks these are? Their fear of loneliness and attachment to people make them hold on to their partner with a death grip and be very jealous of everything that they have even put the mythical “mine” stamp on. Here they use 100% all their natural abilities: talkativeness, good intelligence, rich vocabulary and vivid expression of emotions. All this makes the “teenager’s” jealousy a real performance – a drama in several acts.
The weakness of “teenagers”
By the way, have you noticed their weakness? They often become slaves to their desires. This happens because “teenagers” can want so recklessly that they stop determining their own lives - their desire does this for them. This is a very dangerous moment, which indicates a predisposition to gambling and drug addiction. Returning to desires, it is worth noting that “teenagers” often play the role of a victim - they are capable of wanting something just as strongly as they are pushing away on the principle “I don’t need it.” Fearing in advance refusal or disappointment in what you receive.
What is the weakness of adults who behave like children?
Feminine in reverse
Let's start with the fact that everything in these skin-visual eyes is the other way around. This has been the case since ancient times. While all the normal women were sitting in a cave, cooking borscht and raising the younger generation, without thinking about a career or social life, big-eyed skin-visual girls were running around the savannah. They accompanied men on hunts, they shone as ladies-in-waiting at the royal courts, and as nurses they walked in tarpaulin boots along the roads of war...
And they also irritated the entire female race in every possible way with their seductive behavior. No shame! They fought duels and started wars because of them. The best poems were dedicated to them.
The visual vector endows its owner with special emotionality. And only in the change of emotions is his feeling of life. The greater the amplitude, the brighter life. But the basic emotion, archetypal, characteristic of ancient man, is the fear of death. There is constant tension in the psyche of the owner of the visual vector: he wants to live, but is not able to kill a single living creature. And without this, humanity would not be able to feed, protect and preserve itself. The skin-visual girl feels sorry for every bug. Even in your own body, you can’t normally defeat a microbe.
Weak. She is not mentally ready to give birth to a child, and she became physically able to conceive and give birth only recently thanks to the successes of modern medicine. Therefore, the maternal instinct does not arise, and female modesty has no use for her.
In a word - not a woman! But good! And her sensuality blows the minds of any man. How else can she survive? Her wife is purely decorative. He lives only by loving his defenders. He protects her, feeds her, she loves her. She loves with such emotional dedication, if developed, that it is etched in the memory of any man. And only in love does her fear disappear.
It was precisely the acute vision, capable of distinguishing the finest shades of color, and timidity that determined the first role of the skin-visual girl - the daytime guard of the pack. And those of them who did not have time to react to the danger in time were “culled” naturally - they were eaten by a predator. To this day, a skin-visual girl, if the development of the properties of the visual vector has gone wrong or has stopped in the archetype, is the first victim of crime. In this case, her only emotion is fear in all its shades: from mortal horror to slight tension in anticipation of danger.
Protecting “teenagers”
What protection does he use? What does “911” look like – a rescue service for a “teenager”?
- “sucking” - the essence of this protective behavior is that the “teenager” sucks everything that you can imagine out of the person next to him. This means strength, energy, attention, care, solutions to his next problems, and material values. Everyone must always take some part in it, then he does not feel lonely, lost and unnecessary to anyone.
- “denial” is a very striking and clearly visible feature of conversation, expressed in the fact that a person constantly talks a lot, while remaining in a long-chosen position. He begins his response to any interlocutor’s remark with the word “no” or the negation “not”.
- “Hysteria” – this defense is similar to “hermit’s needles”. Her goal is to clear the room of people and remain alone. But, unlike the “hermit”, who quietly and calmly makes being around him unbearable, the “teenager” organizes a bright, sparkling and deafening end of the world, in which those around him prefer to hastily retreat so as not to subject their nervous system to such stress.
Why do people get offended
In any case, resentment can be considered manipulation, one of the ways to achieve one’s own goals.
This style of behavior begins to make itself felt in early childhood, during a period when the baby is completely dependent on the will of the older generation. The child often does not receive enough attention or entertainment, and not all his whims are fulfilled. And from some point on, he begins to try to win what he wants, resorting to whims and insults, which are the only suitable way for him to get what he wants. It is no secret that attraction to each other is characteristic of two opposite poles. That is why the pair “resentment - remorse” appears. One person is offended, while the other, trying to get rid of the feeling of guilt, tries with all his might to please and make amends for his imaginary offense.
Usually people who are painfully touchy are:
- living in the past;
- sensitive;
- vindictive.
When a person regularly turns mentally to past events and depends on his own life baggage, there is a threat that he will become so focused on a simple offense that it will result in a serious complex that significantly complicates his existence. Thus, having been offended by one single girl in his youth, he will begin to be offended by the entire female sex until he is very old.
A sensitive person tends to multiply resentment endlessly. “He comes up with it himself and gets offended himself,” is how such behavior is characterized. It is very difficult to convince him that the situation is far-fetched. A vindictive person is capable of turning a grudge into an obsession for vendetta. He will become offended and cherish the revenge program in his head for a long time.
