Self-affirmation is actions aimed at asserting the importance, value of one’s own personality, as well as the right to remain oneself. Self-affirmation occurs in a constructive manner, when a person sets goals and achieves them, develops as a person. Destructive self-affirmation is aimed at elevating oneself against the background of other people by devaluing them, humiliating them, and exalting one’s own merits.
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Definition of the concept
The dictionary interprets self-affirmation as behavior aimed at demonstrating and achieving one’s own importance, value and status in society. It can be expressed both in real achievements and in verbal statements.
In simple words, self-affirmation is a person’s desire for respect and recognition. He can perform some actions that can increase his importance in the eyes of others, or simply talk about real or even fictitious successes in order to arouse everyone’s admiration.
This concept is closely related to self-esteem. A self-affirming person first of all wants to increase his self-esteem by receiving approval from other people.
Also, its components are other “selfs”: self-realization, self-acceptance, self-respect, self-knowledge, self-determination, etc.
Need for recognition
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Recognition is what every person needs. From childhood, a child craves recognition. While he does not identify himself as a separate person, he longs for complete recognition through his mother's love and attention.
Then he wants recognition from his father, other significant adults, teachers, friends. A child brings a drawing to his mother not so much so that she gives an objective assessment, but so that his mother recognizes his merits.
Signs
You can assert yourself in different ways. Someone does it environmentally, overcoming themselves, engaging in self-development and directing efforts to become their best version. And some become destructive, preferring dishonest games with others.
It is these signals that speak of self-affirmation at the expense of others that are worth considering separately:
- emphasis on the shortcomings and failures of another person;
- gossip and “washing up bones” behind one’s back;
- provocations;
- insults;
- intimidation;
- argument for the sake of victory, and not for the search for truth;
- criticism;
- suppression;
- devaluing other people's successes;
- arrogance.
Outwardly, such people may look very confident, but in fact they suffer from low self-esteem. Through aggression and humiliation of others, they hope to increase their own importance both in the eyes of people and in their own perception.
Awareness of your own uniqueness
We always have a conflict of two needs: not to be a “black sheep” and, at the same time, not to be like everyone else. In different situations, one motive wins, then another. And from this point of view, self-affirmation can be considered as the implementation of both the first and second motives.
First, we assert ourselves in order to “keep up” with the others, not to be an outsider. Have time to start a family, get an education, have a decent job, have your own home.
Then we assert ourselves to show that I am not like the others. I am an indispensable specialist in my field, I am a modern, understanding mother, I am a creative person who does something unique.
Causes
As I already noted at the very beginning of the article, self-affirmation is a natural human need. It arises when previous needs are closed: physiological, need for safety and social. Simply put, we are of little interest in honor and spiritual development when we have nothing to eat and nowhere to live. But once basic interests are satisfied, we naturally begin to think about higher things.
So, the reason for healthy self-affirmation is an adequate need to be accepted by society and thereby find inner harmony. After all, no matter how you look at it, man is a social being.
As soon as a child reaches his first age crisis - in psychology this is called the crisis of three years or “I myself” - he tries to declare himself and defend his significance and independence. The heyday of the desire for self-affirmation occurs in adolescence.
But there is also destructive self-expression. It is based on slightly different reasons:
- Self-defense. It occurs against the background of complexes, anxiety, low self-esteem, fear of failure, mistakes or criticism from others. The roots can be deep in childhood, when the child lacked the love of his parents, or in his youth, when the teenager did not experience support from his peers. Now he is trying to gain significance through aggression and attacks. All this is done in order to protect yourself from traumatic situations.
- Self-denial. This is a mechanism in which a person denies his own desires and virtues. He needs someone to praise, comfort and support him. Only then does he begin to believe in his worth and worth.
- Imitation. A person gets used to the role of his idol and begins to appropriate his model of behavior or even his merits.
- Compensation. This is the case when work on the desired area is replaced by self-affirmation in another, more amenable one. Conventionally, if you fail to build a harmonious relationship with your partner, you throw all your efforts into realizing your career and compensating for dissatisfaction.
Self-denial
Within the framework of the topic under consideration, it is worth mentioning such a phenomenon as self-denial. This is a destructive mechanism that makes people deny their positive qualities, and sometimes even their own individuality. A person mired in self-denial also wants to assert himself. But instead of putting effort into this, he demonstrably doubts his own merits, hoping that those around him will support him and console him , telling him how important he is to them.
Obviously, self-denial is an unhealthy behavior pattern. Because of it, the individual gradually develops a strong internal conflict, leading to neuroses, depression and other mental health problems. Sometimes a person begins to actively imitate someone, trying to be like him in all aspects of his behavior. At the same time, his own personality weakens, and he begins to believe that he has something to do with the idol he has chosen to emulate.
Types and examples
Self-affirmation can take two forms: constructive (healthy) and destructive. Let's look at examples of both the first and second.
Constructive self-affirmation
Healthy self-affirmation does not involve deception or belittling others. A person asserts himself by achieving his goals, self-development, finding interesting hobbies and harmonizing all areas of life. A person prefers to achieve universal recognition according to the principle “to be, not to appear.” The most important component here is hard work on yourself.
It happens that the desire for development is so strong that a person begins to achieve success in those areas in which he previously obviously lost. For example, the ancient Greek politician Demosthenes was naturally endowed with slurred speech and a weak voice. To become respected and significant in society, he went to the seashore, filled his mouth full of pebbles and practiced speaking loudly and clearly. It was through perseverance and determination that he became the best speaker of his time.
And such stories are not isolated. Among the athletes, there are many from whom one could hear a story in an interview, saying that as a teenager I had poor health, I was frail, my classmates bullied me, so I decided to go into boxing. It was the desire to become the best version of themselves that helped such people achieve incredible heights and champion titles.
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Destructive self-affirmation
It represents increasing one's own importance by humiliating others. The peculiarity is that the person himself may not even notice how unsightly his behavior looks, since it is formed unconsciously.
I believe that each of you can give many examples from life when a person devalued the skills, qualities, and talents of others in order to appear better against their background. I hope it's not you! Perhaps this is your boss who behaves too arrogantly so as not to compromise his status, or a friend who puts her neighbor in an unsightly light and thereby tries to make herself look better and more decent at the expense of this woman.
Denial of self
At first glance, self-denial is the opposite concept of self-affirmation. After all, this is a kind of renunciation of oneself, alienation from one’s own individuality. A person considers himself weak, and in order to overcome this, he mentally joins someone else, stronger, and ultimately transfers his qualities to himself.
In this situation, he lives not his own life, but someone else’s, and identifies himself with his idol. As a result, he develops those personality traits that are characteristic of the hero he has chosen. Behavior strategies change accordingly. This is how fans of famous people behave, fans of celebrities who are ready to change both their appearance and character, losing their individuality. Self-denial is typical for teenagers who strive to imitate some famous actor, athlete, or musician.
According to psychologists, each person, asserting himself, has in his arsenal options for behavioral strategies. They are studied in order to classify personality types in the process of self-affirmation, determine the reasons for choosing a particular strategy, and understand the mechanisms of self-affirmation. If a person adheres to only one strategy of self-affirmation, then he feels certain psychological problems, which can be difficult to understand. But for the most part, their essence comes down to the inability to communicate and build relationships with people.
Observing people's behavior, psychologists note the ability to refuse as one of the mechanisms of self-affirmation. People with different behavioral strategies say “no” differently. A person of the first type of behavior says “no” peremptorily, not allowing the free expression of the will of another person. A person of the constructive type of self-affirmation justifies his refusal, gives arguments, explains why things are this way and not otherwise. A person prone to self-denial cannot say “no.” He experiences psychological problems because he is often forced to do things he doesn't want to do.
Why do you need self-affirmation?
We have found out that this desire is a natural need of a modern developing person. We left the caves a long time ago and have much more interests and needs than during the time of hunting mammoths. In addition to food and shelter, we need communication, acceptance, creative expression and spiritual development.
It is impossible to feel like a full-fledged person while being an outcast. In this case, a person inevitably faces depression, neuroses, and aggression, including that directed at himself.
Therefore, we simply need to feel needed and valuable. This makes our life meaningful and motivates us for further achievements.
If a person does not feel a craving for self-affirmation, he is either in an internal conflict and has difficulties with socialization, or has chosen the path of voluntary hermitage, like a monk or some kind of spiritual elder.
Constructive strategy
This path of personal self-affirmation is typical for people with adequate self-esteem. It may be lower or higher depending on the situation. It is absolutely normal if a person suffers a fiasco, which provokes a temporary decrease in self-esteem, or if he wins and increases his opinion of himself.
Minimal fluctuations in self-esteem are not deviations. It is important how a person brings his mental state back to normal. Adherents of a constructive strategy achieve what they want through their own efforts.
All that they themselves have achieved is a “fireproof” level, below which it is difficult to fall. It's possible, but it's worth the effort.
These people often live in strict discipline, in constant effort, in search of new methods of self-expression.
How to assert yourself environmentally
Healthy, constructive self-affirmation is the unfolding of personal potential. In other words, first of all you have to deal with several important things:
- What are you capable of? What is your talent?
- What do you dream or dreamed of as a child?
- What have you wanted to do for a long time, but put it off because you were afraid of not being able to cope or because you were afraid of being judged, you didn’t have time or money?
- What are you ready to give to this world? What to share?
- How can the world help you achieve your goals and dreams?
By the way, I recommend reading the article about setting smart goals.
What means can be used for self-knowledge for both men and women:
- intelligence tests - emotional intelligence;
- M. Rokeach’s methodology “Value orientations”;
- diagnostics of personal creativity according to the method of E. Tunik;
- multifactor personality questionnaire by R. Cattell.
Find even more interesting questionnaires that will help you get to know yourself better in our selection of psychological tests.
If you already have a job that you like and enjoy, improve your skills in this area and become a master of your craft. It’s the same with any other area of life. Choose a hobby and learn its intricacies. For example, if you are unhappy with your fitness, take responsibility for it and start making changes.
You can read about how to satisfy the need for self-expression in a separate article on our blog.
