Non-reflective listening
Non-reflective listening is a style of conversation in which only the minimum of words and non-verbal communication techniques required by the psychologist is used from the point of view of expediency.
Non-reflective listening is used in cases where there is a need to let the subject speak out. It is especially useful in situations where the interlocutor shows a desire to express his point of view, discuss topics that concern him, and where he experiences difficulty in expressing problems, is easily confused by the intervention of a psychologist and behaves in a rigid manner due to the difference in social status between the psychologist and the respondent.
Non-reflective listening is “the ability to remain silent attentively.” It can express approval, understanding, support, and sympathy, since a lot can be communicated with a minimum of words coupled with nonverbal communication. Often this “interview” technique is very productive, and in some cases the only one possible for effective communication and obtaining psychological information, since most people prefer to talk rather than listen. I. Atwater cites the following typical situations in which the use of non-reflective listening is especially useful:
1. The interlocutor is eager to express his attitude to something or express his point of view. And this should be encouraged at the beginning of a psychotherapeutic conversation for diagnostic purposes, during interviews, and during professional selection interviews.
2. The interlocutor wants to discuss pressing problems. It is important for him to “speak out” himself; what others say is indifferent to him. Such release is especially appropriate in tense situations, which is typical for psychotherapeutic sessions.
3. The speaker has difficulty expressing his problems. Not interfering with his speech helps his self-expression. In this case they say that “a tape recorder is better than any interlocutor.”
4. The interlocutor is emotionally constrained due to the superiority of the partner’s position. This superiority may stem from differences in social status, from a loss to a partner in some quality that is dominant for this person, accompanied by a “halo effect,” from a perceived asymmetry of function in a conversation, etc.
All these situations are associated with a person’s desire to find a listener, a kind of “resonator”, and not an adviser. However, unreflective listening is a subtle technique. It should be used carefully, as it is easy to make mistakes and “overdo it” in silence. Non-reflective listening is characterized by two more difficult moments for the researcher. Firstly, if the listener does not share the views and opinions of the speaker, but shows him interest, then he can be accused of hypocrisy, especially if the speaker was initially convinced of the commonality of their positions, mistaking understanding for agreement and sympathy, and subsequently realized his mistake. Therefore, in order not to violate the ethics of the psychologist, the researcher, as soon as he realized that his partner is misinterpreting his position, should immediately explain himself, even if this threatens the deterioration or cessation of communication. Secondly, the danger lies in the possibility of the listener adopting the position of a “sufferer” who endures all the speaker’s outpourings. For one, the conversation turns into torture, and his participation and understanding develop into hostility, while for another, this procedure gradually turns into one-sided chatter with a high probability of realizing one’s ridiculous situation with subsequent resentment.
To prevent such consequences in an uncontrolled conversation, in order to avoid the talkative interlocutor from abusing the attention of the presenter, you should optimize your non-interference. This is achieved both by minimal speech inserts and by means of non-verbal communication. The simplest neutral remarks: “yes?”, “really?”, “this is very interesting!”, “I see,” “so-so,” “a little more detail” contribute to the development of the conversation, especially at the very beginning. They stimulate and inspire the speaker, relieve tension, maintain his interest, and demonstrate the understanding and goodwill of the listener. In a word, these are incentives that ensure the maintenance of the required level of speech activity of the interlocutor. If such surrogate remarks are not enough, so-called “buffer” phrases are introduced such as: “Is anything bothering you?”, “Did something happen?”, “You look good,” “You look like a happy person,” etc. .
The arsenal of non-verbal influences during non-reflective listening is even more expanded. Here, the presenter has at his disposal both kinetic means (postures, gestures, facial expressions, eye contact), and paralinguistic (vocal additions to speech cues - intonation, volume, timbral play), and extralinguistic (non-vocal additions to speech: speech rate, placement of logical stresses and pauses, sound inclusions in speech such as coughing, chuckles and laughter, sobs, groans, crying, etc.).
Finally, we cannot neglect the possibilities of proxemic means of communication, i.e. spatiotemporal indicators of the communication process. A well-chosen distance between interlocutors promotes conversation, while excessive proximity or distance from each other hinders its development. Face-to-face and half-turn positions are also significant. Talking while standing or sitting can produce different results. It is unlikely that the conversation will be productive if for a long time one partner sits and the other stands, one is located higher, the other lower. The purpose of the conversation and the situation can determine its optimal duration and the need for breaks. The nature of the conversation and its results can be strongly influenced by such spatio-temporal parameters as cramped or spacious, rushed or leisurely, the presence of furniture separating the interlocutors, the comfort or inconvenience of the environment, lateness or accuracy, etc.
A guided conversation involves more active verbal intervention by the researcher in the process of communication with the respondent. And then they resort to reflective listening. In addition to the functions of non-reflective listening, it also performs the function of monitoring the accuracy of perception of what is heard. The need for such control may arise for various reasons.
One of them is the polysemy of words. It is necessary to clarify in what meaning the speaker used this or that word. This category also includes the frequent discrepancy between the meaning of a word and the meaning put into it by the speaker or listener. Another reason lies in the “encoded” nature of many messages. This encryption may be due to a reluctance to offend or a desire to hide true motives, a desire to play a joke, etc. But the meaning put into these allegories by the speaker is not always captured by the listener. To understand it or dispel doubts, clarification is required. A striking example of such situations is the misunderstanding of witticisms by a person without a sense of humor.
Another reason is the difficulties of open self-expression caused by certain conventions and traditions. In most social groups, it is not customary to “pour out your soul” in public, especially in an unfamiliar environment. Psychologists have noticed that during interviews, people usually begin their presentation with a short introduction that does not reflect their main concerns, from which their true intentions are not clear. Talking about the weather is a common way to avoid long-winded communication and frank conversation.
No less problematic for the effectiveness of a conversation are personal barriers to communication: shyness, timidity, depression, inability to express one’s thoughts, defects in diction, etc. The less self-confidence, the longer a person beats around the bush in a conversation before moving on to the main thing.
What difficulties might the listener encounter?
As a rule, when asked about the difficulties that someone who begins to master the art of non-reflective perception of information will have to face, the first thing that comes to mind is the need to restrain one’s own verbal activity.
But the ability not to interrupt the interlocutor, not to insert value judgments into his story and not to express one’s own point of view is far from the most difficult thing in the art of non-reflective perception of another person’s speech.
The following difficulties await someone listening to someone's story:
- loss of concentration, while the meaning of the interlocutor’s speech escapes partially or completely;
- temporary “disconnection” from the content of the story, with such a reaction, part of what is said is simply not perceived;
- thinking through, a kind of attempt at “mind reading”.
Overcoming each of these types of difficulties can be much more difficult than learning not to interrupt your interlocutor.
Loss of concentration is a special condition in which a person listens, but at the same time “has his head in the clouds.” Often with such a reaction, the listener loses the thread of the story and does not catch the sequence of information presented by the interlocutor. As a rule, such a reaction is typical for conversations on topics of little interest to the listener.
But the listener can lose attention to the content of the narrator’s speech reflexively. For example, if the interlocutor repeats the same thing many times
This also happens in the case of monotony of speech, inexpressiveness of the story, lack of emotional coloring in it.
A temporary “switching off” of attention implies a complete “loss” of the listener from reality. That is, a person does not simply ignore any details of the story, he, in principle, does not hear the speech of the interlocutor.
Overthinking often becomes a direct consequence of “disconnecting” from the ongoing conversation. After the listener's mind "turns on", the person realizes that he has missed most of the story and, accordingly, tries to imagine it. And this process inevitably leads to the fact that the listener begins to think out subsequent speech episodes for the narrator. In other words, he begins to “read the thoughts” of the speaker, instead of just listening to him.
Of all the difficulties that await one who masters the art of unreflective listening, second-guessing is the most dangerous. The presence of this reaction does not allow you to correctly understand the interlocutor. In other words, the listener comes to any specific conclusions based not on the words of the narrator, but on his own idea of the content of his speech.
Bibliography
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When is this listening method appropriate? Examples of life situations
There is a fairly widespread opinion that the scope of use of non-reflective listening is psychology, all kinds of special training, and in ordinary life there is no place for this method of perceiving information. This belief is wrong. There are quite a lot of situations in which this type of listening is appropriate in everyday life.
For example, if people are friends, communicate closely and one of them develops severe stress or depression, then, as a rule, this person needs a listener, and not an adviser or critic. In other words, a person only wants to complain about the “evil boss”, “stupid wife”, talk about how bad everything is in his life, and not listen to someone’s “valuable thoughts” or “good advice”. That is, if a friend wants to pour out his soul, there is no need to try to explain to him how to get out of the current situation or show doubts about what was said, point out the advantages of the speaker’s situation. You just have to listen.
No less common is the situation when women complain to their friends about their husbands or children. In this case, the speaker’s desire is to complain itself, and not to listen to the assessments and opinions of her friends. Moreover, in such a conversation, exclusively non-reflective, passive listening and rare consoling phrases are appropriate, and only if any question is asked. If, for example, you agree with a woman who scolds her children or other family members, you may encounter her indignation, resentment, and simply lose your friend. And attempts to convince her otherwise and describe the positive qualities of those whom the woman criticizes will lead to a new round of complaints, making the conversation almost endless.
It is a mistake to believe that a professional non-reflective manner of perceiving information is the lot of only psychotherapists. Examples of unreflective listening to a person in the line of duty can be found almost everywhere. Let's say the postman brings a pension to an elderly person's house. While the necessary documents are being filled out, the pensioner says something, complains, reports on the economic situation in the country, or talks about something else. Of course, the postman is completely indifferent to this stream of chaotic information, but he is not able to force the old man to remain silent. The only option left is unreflective listening. This method of communication also works effectively in shops, bars, and hairdressers. In other words, an example of professional practical application of this option for perceiving information can be observed wherever forced communication with people takes place.
