A manual for psychologists “Techniques of reflective listening”

All of the techniques listed below are united by their focus on simultaneously solving three main problems:

• Check the correctness of your understanding of the words and statements of the speaker.
• Do not control the topic of conversation, but support the spontaneous speech flow of the speaker, help him “get talking,” talk not about what seems important and interesting to us, but about what he considers important.
• Not only to be an interested listener, but also to make the interlocutor feel this interest.

Misunderstanding

The first technique aimed at improving mutual understanding looks paradoxical at first glance: it is a demonstration of misunderstanding. It can be helpful to simply state, “I don’t understand what you mean.” At the same time, it is important that the listener be willing to wait for a more accurate transmission of the entire message, maintaining “neutrality” and not expressing irritation or displeasure.

When, while listening to our interlocutor, we do not understand him well, we can honestly and directly say so. The principle that guides the use of this technique is simple: if you don’t understand something, say so. Many people are embarrassed to say that they do not understand something. Often the source of such fears is memories of studying at school. If adults teaching a child are guided by the principle: “A smart person understands everything the first time!”, then his Childhood ego state may decide: “If I don’t understand something, then I’m bad.” An adult living with such a Childish decision will most likely try to hide from others that he does not understand something. He will think things through, pretend to be smart, nod thoughtfully, and thereby mislead his interlocutor. Although, if the interlocutor is interested in being understood, he, faced with misunderstanding, would most likely make an effort to be understood correctly.

If we return to the example given above, the psychologist, for example, could say: “I still really don’t understand what happened to you. But I would like to understand you. Maybe tell me more details?..”

What is meant by technical techniques?

The technique of non-reflective listening is a component of the technique of this style of communication. These include:

• facial expressions;
• body postures;
• gesturing;
• short remarks and interjections;
• actions expressing interest and participation;
• leading questions that fill pauses and provoke the narrator to continue speaking.

Since the listening person is silent most of the time of the conversation, the interlocutor is guided by his body posture, gaze, facial expression, etc.

Therefore, it is extremely important not only to learn not to interrupt the narrator and not to make judgments about what he heard, but also to control the postures taken, gestures and facial expressions

Reflection (echo)

Reflection is the repetition of words or phrases of the interlocutor. It usually takes the form of verbatim repetition or repetition with minor changes.

The use of this technique is extremely widespread in psychotherapeutic and counseling practice. It is found in the psychological literature under different names and is one of the characteristic features of psychological counseling in the United States. One of the apologists of this technique was Carl Rogers.

In the practice of counseling, not just any phrases are reflected, but statements that, for one reason or another, are significant for the client, accompanied by expressed emotions. It makes sense to use this technique to reflect key phrases on which the client places semantic emphasis. This gives him the opportunity to feel that he is heard, that the psychologist understands him.

If the speaker tries to express things that are not entirely clear to himself and receives a reflection (repetition) of his words, and the listener does not change the structure of the statement in any way, does not introduce additional semantic load from himself into it, then what he was trying to express becomes clearer to the speaker.

From each fragment of the speaker's monologue, the listener selects and repeats what, in his opinion, is the central core of the fragment, its quoting beginning, be it an expressed feeling or some idea. In this case, you can change auxiliary or unimportant words appearing in the statement, but all key words that carry a semantic or emotional load must be repeated exactly. The most important point of adequate reflection is the absence of perceptual distortions that may be introduced by the listener. What should be repeated should be chosen on the basis of the significance of this content for the speaker, and not on the basis of the psychologist’s own views and his assessment of the importance of this or that fragment (including for psychological help).

Reflection should not be used too often, so that your partner does not get the impression that he is being imitated. This technique is most appropriate in situations where the meaning of the interlocutor’s statements is not entirely clear or where his statements carry an emotional charge. Sometimes mirroring the last words of a partner's phrase is used during long pauses as an invitation to continue the story.

Paraphrase (paraphrase)

To paraphrase means to formulate the same idea differently. In a conversation, paraphrase consists of conveying to the speaker his own message, but in the words of the listener. The purpose of paraphrasing is for the listener to check the accuracy of his own understanding of the message. Paraphrasing, oddly enough, is useful precisely when the interlocutor’s speech seems understandable to us.

You can begin this technique with the following words:

• “As I understand you, you think that...”;
• “As I understand it, you are talking about the fact that...”;
• “In your opinion...”;
• “You can correct me if I’m wrong, but...”;
• “In other words, you think...”;
• "Do I understand correctly?"

When paraphrasing, it is important to select only the essential, main points of the message, otherwise answering instead of clarifying understanding may cause confusion.

Using the paraphrase technique in the counseling process, the psychologist primarily focuses on the meaning and ideas rather than the client's attitudes and feelings. By repeating the rational content of the statement in his own words, the psychologist can check the accuracy of his understanding of the essence of the matter for which the client applied, and better understand what the client wants from the psychologist (what his call is). At the same time, the psychologist encourages the client not only to formulate the problem more clearly, but also to better clarify its meaning himself.

Unlike an “echo,” which does not distort what is heard, a paraphrase initially assumes that the psychologist does not retell a fragment of the monologue, but conveys its meaning in his own words. Of course, in doing so, he may miss the main idea or distort it, but the meaning of paraphrasing is precisely to check whether our understanding of the interlocutor is accurate.

Returning to our example, we can imagine that the psychologist says in response: “Am I understanding correctly that your son refuses to live with you, and you would like to discuss this with a psychologist?” or “You wanted to discuss with me the situation that has developed in your family, but my age bothers you?”

By reformulating it to the client’s approval (“Yes, you understood me correctly...”), the psychologist is convinced of the accuracy of his understanding, and the client feels that he is understood. As a result, his trust in the psychologist grows and he himself partially refutes his assumption that the psychologist is not able to understand him.

If the paraphrase caused the narrator's disapproval (“No, you understood me correctly. My son does not refuse to live with me. He just ran away from home without explaining anything...”), the psychologist discovers that he does not accurately understand the meaning of the message. However, if the psychologist clearly shows that he is trying to understand him, the client, as a rule, approves of this very attempt. He strives to clarify and develop his thought in such a way that it is more understandable to the psychologist, and at the same time, for himself, he clarifies the meaning of what is happening.

Situation No. 9.

A peculiar situation has developed in the laboratory of one of the institutes of the Russian Academy of Natural Sciences. The head of the laboratory is a Doctor of Chemical Sciences, he knows his job, but he “doesn’t like” his subordinates; he is not very focused on them. He does not know how they “live”, what needs and requirements they have, he is only interested in scientific products of good quality. The boss communicates with his subordinates only in the language of instructions, they often hear reproaches from him, and he does not trust many of his employees. They feel this, consider themselves humiliated and do not know what to do next. Leave - but it’s difficult to find a place worthy of their knowledge, because... Now our work is very difficult. Inside the laboratory itself there is an informal leader, a smart, sympathetic person to whom people are drawn. There is clear animosity between this leader and the head of the laboratory. And the boss is not at all going to find a common language with them for the benefit of the matter. On almost all scientific issues, laboratory employees go to the informal leader.

8 pages, 3813 words

Psychology of advertising activity 2

... Types of advertising communications in marketing. Psychological problems in the study of consumer motivation. Psychology of advertising and the problem of studying needs. Propaganda as a type... features of creating advertising text The essence of advertising text. Main features of advertising text. The iconic nature of advertising text. Semantic organization of advertising text. Types of text semantics...

Do you think the head of a laboratory can motivate each researcher and the entire laboratory as a whole? How can the motivation of subordinates be realized? Please answer what needs to be done in this situation in order to preserve the scientific potential of employees if: a) you are the informal leader of this group; b) subordinate.

Summary

Summarizing is a reformulation technique that is used to summarize not a single phrase, but a significant part of a story or an entire conversation as a whole. The basic rule for formulating a resume is that it should be extremely simple and understandable.

This technique is quite applicable in long conversations, where it helps to organize fragments of conversation into a semantic unity. It gives the listener confidence in accurately perceiving the speaker's message and at the same time helps the speaker understand how well he managed to convey his thoughts.

For example, introductory phrases could be:

• “I listened to you carefully. Let me check if I understood you correctly...” (or: “This is how I understood what happened to you...”);
• “If I now summarize what you said, then...”;
• “From your story I drew the following conclusions...”

Next, in literally two or three phrases, you retell to your partner what he told you for five to ten minutes. At the same time, you note the key moments of its history, but select the most concise form for this. If the client in our example had immediately chosen the second, more complete option for presenting his problem, the summary of this story might have looked something like this: “This is what I understood from your story. After yesterday's quarrel, your son did not spend the night at home. You are worried about him, and you would like to improve your relationship with him. You would like to discuss with me how to improve the situation and strengthen your relationship in the future. Do I understand you correctly?

Naturally, this is not the only option. The psychologist could focus on the quarrel and its consequences, on the client’s feelings and their dynamics, on accusations and trust... A very important feature of the summary is that the person summarizing with the help of linguistic means can change the emphasis in the client’s story in such a way that its original meaning will change in some way . Moreover, the narrator, inattentively listening to the summary, may agree with it, unintentionally misleading the listener.

For example, a psychologist says: “You can say this: you have a conflict in the family, in which your son, your wife, and relatives are involved. And you wouldn’t want me to take their side...”

Strictly speaking, the client has nothing to object to here. Formally, the meaning of the story is conveyed correctly, and he will have to answer: “Yes.” However, shifted semantic accents can lead the conversation away from a topic that is highly relevant for the client (son) to another topic that is interesting to the psychologist.

To avoid the negative impact of summarizing on the course of the consultation, it is important to remember the guiding principle of its use: the client chooses the topic of conversation; the psychologist only follows him.

Summarizing can also be effective in cases where the client “goes in circles” and returns to what has already been said. This behavior of the narrator is often due to the fact that he fears that he will not be

understood or misunderstood. By formulating an accurate summary, the psychologist shows how he understood the part of the client’s story that he has already heard, and thereby “draws a line.”

In addition to psychological counseling, summarizing is appropriate in situations that arise when discussing disagreements, resolving conflicts, handling complaints, or in situations where it is necessary to solve any problems.

During these types of meetings and negotiations, a lengthy discussion of an issue can become overly complicated or even reach a dead end. Summarizing statements will help those discussing not to waste a lot of time reacting to superficial, distracting remarks from their interlocutors, distracting themselves from discussing the content of the problem itself.

Is it possible to combine different types of listening?

So, we have already figured out a little about what non-reflective listening consists of. In practice, it all comes down to the silent perception of the interlocutor’s words, which means that it may well become a kind of “introductory stage” for any conversation.

Non-reflective communication is rarely used as the only type of listening to the interlocutor. Typically, this happens when active forms of listening are inappropriate. For example, if one of the interlocutors wants to speak out or is too depressed or, conversely, excited, an active manner of communication is unnecessary, you just need to listen. Also, you should not move from a non-reflective manner of perceiving information to an active one when there is a likelihood of a conflict developing, for example, in the event of an impending family scandal.

In other cases, unreflective listening may well act as a prelude to active participation in the conversation. Moreover, a combination of reflexive and passive manners of perceiving information is usually used when conducting discussions, scientific disputes, or when discussing any issues that are relevant to people communicating with each other.

Clarification

If previous reflective listening techniques have not led the listener to a clear understanding, he can directly ask the speaker to clarify an unclear part in his story, give examples, or elaborate on something. This reflective listening technique can be called clarification (or clarification). Clarification is asking the speaker for clarification so that the listener understands more precisely what is being said.

To get additional facts or clarify the meaning of certain statements, the listener can say something like the following:

• “Will you say it again?”;
• "What do you have in mind?"

Such remarks from the psychologist encourage the client to clarify what he just talked about. If the psychologist understands the general meaning of the statement, but needs additional details to clarify the situation, he can turn to the speaker with a direct request to expand the answer:

• “Could you please explain in more detail?”;
• “Perhaps you could add something?..”;
• “Could you develop your idea?..”;
• “What happened then?..”

Such a request can be retrospective, that is, it returns the client to a topic that was heard earlier, but was not sufficiently disclosed: “You said that ... Could you tell us more about this?”

Clarification can be aimed at eliminating logical contradictions in the material. Then it takes the form of a confrontational request. Its essence lies in the fact that a psychologist who has discovered contradictions in the speaker’s statements correctly informs him about this and asks for clarification: “I’m not sure that I understood you correctly. You said that... and now you say that... Isn’t there a contradiction here?

It is important to note that confrontation in psychological counseling does not serve to “victory” the client, to plunge him into embarrassment, proving to him that he cannot think logically. Its meaning is just the opposite: with the help of confrontation, we try to understand him better and strengthen his Adult thinking. Therefore, an important limitation is imposed on the use of a confrontational explanation: it must be correctly formulated (not offend the individual) and appropriate.

Let me remind you that the main principle of an interview in the context of a consultation is not to force the client to say what the psychologist wants to hear, but to provide him with the opportunity to express as much as possible what he wants to express. The questions described above have a strong impact on the content of the conversation, since the psychologist directly indicates which aspect of the topic interests him. But the client nevertheless develops the idea already expressed and continues to determine the direction of the conversation.

However, in some cases, the clarification technique can also be used to change the topic of conversation to a topic that is not a development or clarification of the client's previous story.

• “It seems to me that you want to talk about something else...”;
• “Do you want to talk to me about...?”;
• “Please explain the following point to me...”

This technique can be used if it seems that the client wants to talk about something, but for some reason cannot start a conversation, talks about general topics, theorizes. Perhaps he mentioned something “in passing”, showing an emotional reaction, but did not dwell on it in detail.

Such a proposal is a strong interference in the natural flow of speech. The conversation may turn to a topic that is not significant to the client, and he will not talk about what is really important to him.

Principle No. 1 . The client chooses the topic, the psychologist “follows”, stimulating the continuation of the conversation, helping the speaker formulate clearly understandable statements.

Principle No. 2 . It is recommended not to use a stronger stimulus until the effect of the weaker one has been exhausted.

Let us once again list the main techniques aimed at understanding the rational component of a message, in order of increasing strength:

• Pause, silence.
• Encouragement, nominal support.
• Misunderstanding.
• Reflection (echo).
• Paraphrase (rewording).
• Summary.
• Clarification.

Reflective listening guidelines may seem deceptively simple at first, but once they are used, they are not so easy to use correctly. At first, the proposed techniques may seem inconvenient, pretentious, and artificial. Over time, as you use them regularly in practice, you will gain the necessary experience and learn to listen reflectively in a simple and natural way.

Using comprehension listening techniques is time-consuming but has significant benefits because we perceive rational speech inaccurately more often than we think.

Empathy is a mindset for improving listening skills.

Empathy means understanding any feeling—anger, sadness, joy—that another person is experiencing, and responding by expressing your understanding of those feelings.

Empathy, or compassion, means understanding the feelings of another person, expresses an understanding of these feelings in accordance with his inner experiences. To better understand a person, we seek to determine what meaning these feelings have for him. We experience the feelings of others as if they were our own. This “as if” is the key to empathy. Empathy is being sensitive to others. Empathy is the exact opposite of the egocentric indifference that is so common today. Any person tends to give priority to his needs. Empathy helps you balance your own interests with concerns for others. It makes our behavior social. That is, those who are pathologically devoid of a sense of empathy, such as psychopaths, are always busy with the urgent satisfaction of only their own needs and are indifferent to the needs and experiences of others. On the other hand, people who have excessive empathy risk jeopardizing their existence by taking on the overwhelming burden of other people's concerns. Most of us are somewhere between these poles.

9 pages, 4154 words

Motivation 12

... today information technology in order to reduce the number of employees. Motivation. The remuneration system makes it possible to evoke what is desired... and externally. Internal rewards come from the work itself. For example, a feeling of achieved results, meaningfulness and significance of the work performed, ... to U. In management, a manager who gravitates towards understanding subordinates as type U people (that is, proactive ...

When a person listens with empathy, he shows respect for the interlocutor and seeks to understand his point of view. He does not give his assessment of what he heard and does not distract the speaker from the message.

When a person listens with sympathy, he, first of all, shows his compassion, pity for the speaker. Remember that many people don't want you to feel sorry for them. For example, your friend tells you about a quarrel with her husband, about how hurt and offended she is. If you listen with empathy, you would say, “So you're upset that your husband treated you unfairly, and you're not sure you want to take the first step toward reconciliation, are you?” If you listen with sympathy: “Poor, unfortunate you. Don’t worry so much, everything will work out somehow.” An empathetic response shows that you heard your friend and understood her. A sympathetic response primarily expresses your pity for the speaker, but does not show enough understanding of the message.

Workshop

Goal of the work . Exploring the role of reflective listening in building rapport. Testing reflective listening techniques.

Progress

The exercise is performed in groups of three people.

• Distribute roles: one will be a storyteller, the second a psychologist (listener), the third an observer.

• The narrator tells his story. The listener uses passive listening techniques, providing nominal support to the narrator.
• The listener retells the story he heard.
• The observer shares his impressions.
• Role reversal: the listener becomes an observer, the observer becomes a storyteller, the storyteller becomes a listener.
• The last change of roles.

Instructions for storytellers. Remember an event that upset you. This does NOT have to be a very tragic event.

Instructions for listeners. You must listen carefully using passive listening techniques. When your partner finishes the story (or after 5 minutes), retell their story in your own words as you understand it. Don’t evaluate, don’t reproach, don’t approve, don’t console, don’t ask questions! Convey the meaning of the story by demonstrating understanding.

Instructions for observers. Tell the listener about your impression of him as a listener; tell us about your impressions regarding the listener’s use of nominal support techniques; how accurately and correctly the listener was able to retell the story of the narrator and what reactions the retelling evoked in the listener.

Under what circumstances is this method of listening necessary?

The essence of unreflective listening is the absence of active participation in the conversation. Accordingly, this method of communication is appropriate in circumstances in which reflective listening is not required.

As a rule, you just need to listen to the other person if he:

• wants to explain his attitude to something or indicate a political position, talk about religion;
• seeks to discuss acute, topical issues or family problems, conflicts at work;
• trying to complain or share joy.

In addition, non-reflective listening is also necessary at work, regardless of the person’s field of activity. For example, this type of communication is the best when it comes to conversations with managers and bosses. Listening skills are also required during negotiations.

When it is important to correctly understand the goals and intentions of business partners or to predict the methods that competitors will use, the ability to perceive information non-reflexively is very useful

Discussion and conclusions

The discussion takes place in groups consisting of several united “triples”.

• Tell me from the role of a psychologist: were you able to follow the instructions? What was easy for you and what was difficult?
• Tell me from the role of a client: what impression did the psychologist’s retelling of your story have on you?
• How would you characterize unreflective listening?
• What opportunities do you see in using this method? What is its scope and possible limitations?
• What experience did you gain from doing this exercise? What did you learn about yourself that you were able to take away?
• Exchange your impressions and draw conclusions.

Literature

• Atwater I. I’m listening to you... M.: Economics, 1988.
• Belanovskiy S.A. Methods and techniques of focused interviews. M.: Nauka, 1993.
• Berkeley-Alain M. The Forgotten Art of Listening. St. Petersburg: Peter-Press, 1997.
• Bern E. Group psychotherapy. M.: Academic project, 2001.
• Rogers K. Client-centered therapy. M.: Refl-book; Wackler, 1997.