Blows of fate, crushing failures and painful losses can accompany a person at any stage of life. Sometimes it happens that the world loses its colors, hope disappears, the meaning of existence disappears. It is in moments like these that the desire to fight and continue to exist disappears. And many begin to wonder what to do if they don’t want to live at all? These types of difficult moments must be overcome against all odds, even when you want to give up. It doesn’t matter what depressing and painful situations a person faces during a period of life. It is important not to succumb to their influence. After all, every day you live brings with it something new, previously unknown, and interesting. Today the sky is black and there is a thunderstorm, and tomorrow the sky will sparkle with a variety of colors reflected in the warm sunshine.
A similar thing happens in human existence. It’s as if there is no way out of the host of problems today, but tomorrow something happens that solves all the problems in one fell swoop. After all, everything can be improved or corrected, only death is irreversible. Therefore, as long as a person exists physically, hope must always glimmer within him.
What to do if you don’t want to live - advice from a psychologist
First of all, the individual who has asked this question is recommended to try to understand the events taking place. Analyzing the situation helps you make the right decision, plan specific strategic actions, and helps to slightly distract yourself from depressing thoughts.
In addition, it is necessary to distinguish between depressive moods or banal melancholy, which falls within the boundaries of normality, from real depression. You can overcome despondency and melancholy on your own, but a depressive state needs professional correction.
If a person is faced with the question: “what to do if you don’t want to live anymore,” you should not drive such thoughts away from yourself, considering them shameful or unacceptable. The problem does not cease to exist and have a detrimental effect if a person pretends that it does not exist. It is at the stage when an individual begins to think about the need for further existence that he so urgently needs help.
It often happens that the subject of a depressive mood is so shameful and forbidden that the individual has to exist for years in a depressed state. Some cannot cope with the severity of the problems and find peace at the bottom of the bottle, while others attribute discouragement and apathy to fatigue from work, hiding the lack of aspirations behind responsibilities, justifying the lack of a normal intimate life with everyday problems. Such a trivial existence can continue for a long period until the individual one day realizes that he has long ceased to feel happiness. People, behind the everyday heap of problems, the intense rhythm of life, the endless pursuit of imaginary values, lose value guidelines, lose goals and understanding of the meaning of existence. They turn into robots that exist according to a program set by someone.
The mistake of most human subjects lies in the pattern of thinking. Many people follow their own path through life, but rather one imposed by society, their social environment, or their relatives. That’s why work doesn’t bring pleasure, my husband has long since grown tired of me, and my children have become annoying.
Therefore, first of all, you need to reconsider your life goals, your own pastime, understand what really brings pleasure, gives joy and illuminates with happiness. When an individual completely loses interest in his own existence, loses social activity and becomes apathetic towards everything, he should immediately visit a psychologist.
If an individual plunges into a whirlpool of experiences after a certain life situation, he must try to get out of this state on his own. Since inaction will lead to fixation on difficulties, which can plunge the subject into a depressive abyss.
The most common factor that causes melancholy is fixation on a certain unpleasant event. A constant whirlpool of problems scrolling through your head, conducting a silent internal conversation with a ghostly opponent, imagining the possible course of events if a specific negative situation had not occurred. With such thoughts, the individual independently drives himself deeper and deeper into depression. The inability to correct the event that happened, coupled with a passionate desire to change what is happening, will drive anyone to madness. Stopping it now is the main goal of a healthy psyche.
When everything that happens is so bad and the only question hauntingly haunts you is “what to do if you don’t want to live anymore,” you need to remember creativity. And there is no need to limit your own person in creative self-realization. Creativity is beneficial due to its variety of directions: playing music, drawing, modeling, embroidery, dancing, knitting. Every form of creative art brings with it peace. You can choose the most elementary direction, even if it is considered childish. The main condition is that the hobby gives joy and pleasure.
Art therapy not only helps to get rid of a depressive mood, but can also reveal a tendency towards a certain direction, which the individual himself had not previously suspected. The creative process will allow you to relax, forget about sorrows, and learn new things. A huge advantage of the described method is the opportunity to please loved ones with a souvenir of your own making. But the happiness of a loved one will not leave anyone indifferent.
If the rhythm of life allows, then it is recommended to take a time out. You can go on vacation or take a couple of days off, go to your homeland, to the mountains, exclude all noisy parties, devote this time exclusively to yourself, without allowing yourself to be burdened with problems.
It's not just mental and emotional
The phrase “mental illness” makes it seem like it simply exists in our thoughts. But that's not true. WebMD (Medication Guide) lists at least 12 physical symptoms of severe depression. Chronic pain develops or worsens. Chest pain, migraines, stomach problems and a weakened immune system are some common symptoms.
Real fatigue to the bones, which becomes a constant companion; no amount of sleep or coffee can make it go away. When people say they can't get out of bed because they're depressed, this is what they're talking about.
That day on the beach, I told my colleagues about the physical state of depression. Every part of me ached from the resistance to gravity, as if my cells wanted to collapse into a puddle on the ground. My skin, like lotion, burned as if from a sunburn, and my throat hurt from the lump stuck in it. At one point I had serious weight problems because I couldn't eat properly.
Suicide is not a selfish choice
Sometimes people say that suicide is the most selfish thing you can do. But for many who struggle with darkness, death seems the most selfless act. Depression often carries an intense, shameful feeling of self-hatred. In my low moments, I believed that I was toxic and harmful to my loved ones. I was sure that taking my own life would be a blessing to others.
It's like a repeating chorus. As a mom, I thought my husband would find a wonderful new wife and mother for his child. She knew he wouldn't be burdened by her illness and her baby would have the best mother. My good friend, Steve Austin, almost died because he thought the end of his life was best for his wife and young son. Fortunately, he didn't die. He spent some time in a mental hospital, took medication and found support that he never found in the church.
We can't "choose joy" or "stop thinking about it"
Sometimes Christians tell us to “choose joy” or focus on someone other than ourselves. There is some truth to this: caring for others and cultivating joy are important parts of a healthy life.
But when death seems like the only way out of the internal torture chamber, these things don't work. What's worse is that they become a way to mask the pain. This is how I could participate in several services and smile widely while I wished for death.
Saying something like, “I'm so sorry you're hurting,” and spending time with people who are struggling is much more effective than telling them to choose joy. This allows them to be honest, which can save lives.
Saving a life is easier than you think
I mentioned earlier that my death would be a blessing to others. But I'm still here because a friend noticed something was wrong and took action.
Angela invited me to dinner, took me blackberry picking with her children, and constantly reminded me how important I was to her family. She told me she loved me, it wasn't my fault I was broken and God didn't like me being hurt. She was simply there, showing understanding and sympathy for my pain.
On a hot July night, when I was tired of fighting to stay alive, I showed up at her doorstep because I knew it would protect her. And her family walked with me through the darkness.
When I needed Emmanuel, God with us, she brought him into my life. She helped me believe that I was loved and my life mattered.
Very often, all it takes to save a life is for us to be Jesus—to be present, to be loving, and to be easy. Christ “in you is the hope of glory” (Col. 1:27). You don't need answers or the ability to fix it. You just need to be present, perhaps help set up an appointment with a doctor or just listen. Just be aware of those who are in pain. Just be kind.
Depressed and suicidal people just need you to come into the darkness and sit with us, that is an act of love. You could be His hands to hold us, His hands to feed us, His voice to tell us that we are not alone. Your love and kindness are stronger than you think.
Depression and suicide are serious issues and my heart breaks for those dealing with them.
Give Hope
Hope cannot be built on empty consolations - it must come from reality, from the existing possibility of wanting and achieving. Hopes must be justified: when a ship crashes on the rocks, there is a difference between hoping to “sail to the nearest shore” and “to reach the opposite shore of the ocean.” The content of life does not disappear, even if it brings mental pain, but there is no point in being stuck on one pole of emotions. Darkness and light, joy and sadness, happiness and suffering are inseparably intertwined threads in the fabric of human existence. It is important to help strengthen a person’s strengths and capabilities, to convince him that crisis problems are variable.
People who serve God also sincerely struggle
The lie that people who walk closely with God never have suicidal thoughts or other mental health problems is dangerous because it falsely views these problems as sin.
If we believe that depression and dark thoughts are sinful, we are more likely to feel shame and expect God to punish us. But the truth is that he is kind and does not wait to punish us for our struggles.
Depression and suicidal thoughts do not go away if we are spiritual. I am sure many devout believers and committed leaders would like it to be so. And me too.
I was in ministry—helping people, preaching, leading worship, traveling, leading Bible studies—but I still wanted to die. Being in a struggle and facing hopelessness.
I mentioned Steve earlier. He was a young pastor when he tried to die. He knew what the Bible said and how to pray. He knew well all the “right” answers and corresponding spiritual statements. They simply made his situation even more embarrassing because the stigma of being a pastor with these problems was too great.
Depression and suicide are on the rise across the country. We cannot assume that those we love and look up to do not struggle with darkness.
Suicidal thoughts are obsessive
They appear whether we want it or not, like a horror movie that constantly plays in our heads. We watch our demise over and over again. Sometimes it's terrible. Other times it feels like sweet relief.
Several years ago I was part of an amazing church in Atlanta. I co-led a non-profit organization and served in youth ministry; the students looked at me and came to me for wisdom. Nobody knew how hard I struggled. They never knew about the horror movie in my head.
One difficult Sunday, I sang Christian hymns with my students and did my best to keep my eyes on Jesus. I told Him I loved Him and would praise Him no matter what, even if I always felt that way. But when I closed my eyes, all I could see was the image of my body swinging from the rafters.
I didn't tell anyone.
You can live too. But please invest in yourself. Take care of yourself.
Here are some steps:
- Write in the comments or to us in the feedback form about your problem, we will try to answer.
- Make an appointment with your doctor. If you don't have insurance or can't pay for an appointment, most cities have free or low-cost clinics that offer mental health services.
- Find someone to talk to. You are not a burden to them. You are precious and important, and this world is a better place because you are breathing in it.
