Intimophobia: why a man is afraid of trusting and close relationships and how to help him

Intimophobia is not a disease, but a form of mental disorder, characteristic of 30% of adults living in civilized countries. Psychologists admit that it is not easy to completely get rid of this disorder, since intimophobes themselves most often do not want to admit that they have a problem - a far-fetched fear of personal, deeply emotional, trusting and intimate relationships.

As a rule, intimophobia will join the problems characteristic of modern humanity - neuroses, emotional and psychological disorders. Intimophobia is not inherited or genetically transmitted. However, it is increasingly being diagnosed in patients who grew up in single-parent families - where the child was strongly influenced by a parent of the same sex.

Then what's the problem?

The problem is that intimophobe gets bored without strong passions - it is extremely necessary for him to experience them. And in order to keep their emotions afloat and constantly update their own feelings, they prefer to change partners as often as possible.

Intimophobia in men manifests itself in a constant search for sexual adventures, new novels, and vivid “Don Juan” behavior. Less often, an intimate phobe behaves like a reserved “love seeker”—this is how someone who has been kept under constant control by their mothers and grandmothers for too long prefers to act. But in any case, such a Casanova is terribly afraid of his own feelings and strong emotions, limiting himself only to sexual contacts with a slight touch of romance.

Intimophobes often remain bachelors, staying as far away from family ties as possible. And even if such a man accidentally has a child, he does everything not to take responsibility for him and the woman. Even if something happens to his close relatives (an illness, a situation requiring help), the intimate phobe strives to quickly remove himself from the “field of responsibility” to a safe distance, in which there will be no need to show force or make a serious decision.

Of course, an intimate phobe can maintain a long-term relationship with his partner for some time. But as soon as he hears a conversation about marriage or the transition to living together, as a rule, he does everything to end the relationship, even if yesterday he experienced ardent passion. In a word, he is ready to communicate, but not ready to trust.

A categorical “no” to sex

Here you need to understand, because a categorical refusal to have sex can have a variety of reasons.

• Shyness

Sex rules the world, but shy people rarely enjoy it. Sexual relationships are the most uncertain and contradictory situation imaginable. There are no clear guidelines for behavior here. Both partners are naked, open to each other and devoid of any external protective barriers. Shy people often simply do not have the skills necessary for sexual relationships.

• Unrealistic ideas about sex

They are drawn from films of the corresponding genre and magazines of a specific focus and pretty much spoil the lives of the powerful. As a result, a man walks around with a ruler and worries that he is “not like that,” that he will never be able to satisfy his partner 50 times a night, that “my friend is crooked,” that everything will end too quickly, etc., etc. P.

• Low self-esteem and attributing shortcomings to oneself

There is more to it than worrying about length and size. There will most likely be thoughts about crooked or hairy legs, possible bad breath, dandruff, skin diseases, a long nose, protruding ears and other imaginary and hyperbolic shortcomings.

Do intimate phobes get married?

Yes, this is possible if circumstances require it. But even in marriage, the intimate phobe does not allow the violation of his own “rights to freedom,” which he needs for internal comfort. Even after starting a married life together, an intimate phobe continues to maintain a distance from his partner, does not strive to change his lifestyle, and continues to expand the list of his sexual contacts. The main argument for this is the need to “preserve your personal space” and “realize your personal plans” - this is how the intimate phobe explains his periodic “exit into the world” to his other half. It is not surprising that in 99% of cases, intimophobes are left alone again, because few people manage to maintain family relationships with them.

In some cases, intimophobes may experience a more complex syndrome - sexual aversion, the emergence of a sudden aversion to a sexual partner. A woman whom only yesterday he considered attractive and sexy, today (or after some time) seems unpleasant and even disgusting to an intimate phobe. Moreover, the intimate phobe himself does not realize the real reason for his feelings, considering them absolutely natural.

Signs

Intimophobes are afraid of emotional attachment, and therefore do everything possible to avoid it. Some completely refuse dating and relationships, others avoid serious relationships, immediately run away if their partner begins to make plans for a future together or declares his love.

Most intimate phobes look very attractive to other people. They are sociable, active, and easily make new acquaintances. However, they do not go further than superficial communication, easy and relaxed, fun pastime. They always keep their distance, fight for their freedom, intimate (personal) space.

If an intimate phobe feels that he has let someone too close, or if someone begins to put pressure on him, hinting at getting closer, then the patient may have a panic attack. It is accompanied by somatic reactions:

• nausea,
• headache,
• dizziness,
• tremor of the limbs,
• chills,
• increased sweating,
• feeling of suffocation
• icing of the limbs,
• paleness or redness of the face,
• pressure surges,
• confusion,
• a feeling of unreality of what is happening;
• presyncope and fainting.

At this moment, the intimate phobe tries to run away, and may push, hit or insult another person.

Why does intimate phobia occur?

Psychiatrists and psychologists believe that intimate phobia is always directly related to the costs of upbringing, since this problem is formed in childhood or adolescence, when the child observes the behavior of his parents and takes them as a basis.

Most often, one of the parents shapes the child’s attitude towards the opposite sex based on their own failures in their personal life. A child, observing how difficult a relationship with a woman or man is for a parent, forms his own perception. And hearing frequent statements from a parent that “women only need one thing - money” or that “all men cheat,” the child does not even imagine the possibility of trusting a member of the opposite sex and building a personal relationship with him.

Projecting this mistrust onto himself, the teenager creates his own algorithm of behavior towards the opposite sex: run away and hide so as not to get hurt. And since a person has a naturally strong instinct of self-preservation, which protects him from injury, the parental pattern of behavior only reinforces this instinct, adding to it a fear of attachment and long-term personal relationships.

True, intimate phobia can also develop in adulthood - it can be caused by a powerful drama on the personal front or very strong pressure from a partner about the need to “get married urgently.”

Intimophobia: details, myths and accuracy of formulations

Creation date: 05/14/2004 Update date: 07/29/2020

An intimate phobe is sometimes labeled as anyone who, for one reason or another, has not started a family by a certain age. And they don’t even try to figure out why and why (although in general this is a deeply personal matter): they immediately label it as “intimophobes”. But this concept, even in this sense, has many varieties...

Husband to wife after a quarrel: “If you really loved me as much as you claim, you would marry someone else!”

The term “intimophobia”, one might say, has the same fate as the term “depression”, and indeed the term “phobia” in general - all these definitions not so long ago were exclusively psychiatric concepts, but now, as they say, “they have gone to masses". And just as now any deterioration in mood is immediately called depression, and any fear, even episodic, is a phobia - intimate phobia is sometimes labeled as anyone who, for one reason or another, has not started a family by a certain age. And they don’t even try to figure out why and why (although in general this is a deeply personal matter): they immediately label it as “intimophobes”.

But this concept, even in this sense, has many varieties.

Intimophobia in the psychiatric sense is really a phobia of sexual relationships as such, a fear of actual physiological intimacy. And this is precisely where there may be an explanation for why the word “intimophobe” is widely used in our dictionary in relation to men, but there is no equally common word in relation to women. If we continue to talk specifically about psychiatric intimophobia, then a similar neurotic disorder was found in representatives of both sexes. But it was described and observed to a greater extent in men. Because if a man is afraid of sexual intercourse, this was considered a pathology, and if a woman was afraid of sexual intercourse, well, on the one hand, by previous standards, this was how it should have been; on the other hand, no one asked the woman whether she was afraid of it or not. Must fulfill marital duties, and it is not at all necessary to enjoy it.

Subsequently, the word “intimophobia” acquired an expanded interpretation. This word has acquired, so to speak, a social meaning: today it means any “fear of close relationships in general.” But again - even if we don’t dwell on the extent to which such fear is a phobia, we can note that this happens in both men and women. However, for some reason, it is male intimate phobia that is being described again. Perhaps, again, partly because women, for some reason afraid of a long-term close relationship with a man, often get married automatically, on the remnants of the parental script, or under pressure from relatives: “A woman should be married.” So she gets married, then she gets divorced, and then, alas, many men, and society, often lose interest in her and her feelings in the field of marriage. It seems like I’ve been married - and that’s okay. By the way, often women’s “everyday intimate phobia” is popularly referred to as the “crown of celibacy.”

Another thing is a man who actively avoids his first marriage for various reasons. Many journalists like to classify such bachelors. For example, “eternally seeking” (those who say that they have not yet found their ideal), “eternally wounded” (those who explain their loneliness as trauma from unhappy love in their youth and therefore, they say, do not trust women), “eternal teenagers” “(who says quite directly: I haven’t had my fill yet...) However, these are different explanations of the same problem: when a man is afraid of marriage and close relationships. Because for some reasons, which we will discuss in detail below, this relationship has so far brought him nothing but trouble. But he cannot explain this fear, admit its presence to someone. But if they ask, sometimes you have to answer something? So pre-prepared answers come into play - everyone has their own.

This intimate phobia does not at all imply that a person has a fear of sex specifically. Quite the opposite: sex among intimate-phobic men can be very diverse in terms of the number of partners. And such intimophobia is not a phobia in the clinical sense of the word. A phobia is, according to definitions, a state of obsessive and illogical fear, and one that subjugates a person’s entire life and determines all of his behavior. And in the situations mentioned, there is more likely a conscious avoidance of close relationships, which is closer to the manifestation of the instinct of self-preservation. Because for a particular person, close, family relationships pose some perceived danger.

***

- They say you canceled the wedding. What's happened? — The unexpected happened. - Lord, what? - I changed my mind.

Often, what is now commonly called intimophobia arises on the basis of common requirements for men and women in the family, without taking into account their personal characteristics.

For example, a woman fears that in family, partner life she will not be able to be a “mother hen, housekeeper, cook, etc.,” and most importantly, she does not want to “be afraid of her husband.” After all, judging by public opinion, it is quite possible to believe that most men will behave this way in marriage (since the same society almost forces them to do so). And not wanting to get burned by this, especially if there is a sad experience of a first marriage or the experience of significant adults, a woman prefers to generally stay away from family and marriage ties. Especially if she has long fought for her right to be an independent person in the family, and now she has something to lose: she does not want and cannot be “always subordinate” in the family, and to be a partner, or even the head of the family, she fears that she will not will allow. But the other extreme doesn’t suit her either - being “a strong mother of a weak man who will ride on her neck.” And if it’s not possible in a way that is comfortable and acceptable for her, then it’s not necessary.

And a man is often afraid of a relationship with a woman, and even more so of marriage, for the same reason. But the requirements for him are absolutely opposite. Society a priori imposes on him the role of “head of the family,” or even “dictator-tyrant.” With his personal structure, this is sometimes difficult, if not scary: he always “must take responsibility” for the woman he marries, for all aspects of the life of his family, and for the children they share. Moreover, he is offered to take responsibility in the form in which society regards it! Let’s say, not only to protect a woman and child from possible dangers, but to protect “in a generally masculine way.” That is, for example, do not offer to take the safe road out of harm’s way, but bravely get into a fight. And when (even at the peak of the kindest, best relationship) a woman begins to make remarks like “well, you’re a man, protect me” (as she understands it) “and in general, you’re the head of everything here and therefore all the trouble is on you” - This immediately scares him off, he breaks off all relationships and moves away to a safe distance. Because, as in the case of a woman, he is not allowed to do it in a way that is comfortable for him, but he is not allowed to do it any other way.

Sometimes LGBT+ people are also considered intimate-phobic, and they also try their best to fit them into the Procrustean bed of a standard family.

Standards are generally not useful in such areas as personal intimate preferences, building family relationships, etc. Contrary to the famous statement of Leo Tolstoy that “all happy families are similar to each other, and each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way” - almost all unhappy families are similar in one thing: they built their happiness according to a model alien to them, most often imposed from outside. And maybe some people don’t want to start a family because they don’t like this standard model, and they are either not allowed to build their own model yet, or they themselves don’t know what model it should be, or there isn’t yet a candidate for a spouse who ready to search for and develop a “non-standard model suitable for both” and build his family life according to this model.

“Everyday” intimophobia in both women and men is often based on psychasthenicity. Specifically, on the fact that a person is not given the right to make a mistake. Not only in choosing a partner - in everything! You came at the wrong time, bought the wrong flowers, fixed the faucet wrong... (And accordingly, you cooked it wrong, cleaned it in the wrong place, you don’t look right...) That’s why it’s not uncommon for both a woman and a man to be a psychasthenic radical, for whom “ a good assessment of the current society”, they avoid at least official marriage in order to always have an excuse like: “You never know what time I came - I’m not your husband, I don’t have to report” (or “You never know how I cook or look - I’m not your wife , to tell me!”) And at the very least, with such treatment, psychasthenics of both sexes will avoid close relationships in general. Because the best way to avoid receiving criticism about the flowers you buy or the dishes you prepare is not to be in a relationship that requires you to give flowers to the “subject of the relationship” or feed him or her homemade dishes.

Here, too, in sex there may be problems with particularly pronounced, aggravated psychasthenia, supported by the same shyness, self-doubt, problems with self-esteem, etc. For example, such a person may be afraid to appear naked in front of his partner (partner) - maybe he will laugh or will it “rate poorly” in some other way? Another complex - “I can’t be loved like this, I don’t deserve it” - can provoke another fear: “Why is this person so drawn to me? Why is he/she so interested in me? I can’t imagine anyone being so enthusiastic about me: something is wrong here, it’s suspicious, it could be dangerous, we need to get out of here while there’s time.”

Here, as with any causes of fear, there is, of course, the possibility of a situation where the fear of the consequences will be clearly greater than the consequences themselves, that is, the fear will begin to flow into a phobia itself, into a phenomenon of a neurotic nature. So, for example, in such a case, a person may almost end up professing the principle “love is a disease, so it’s better to generally stay away from all these bright emotions.”

***

- Tell me, is it possible to have sex with close relatives? - Of course not, you can’t. “So I tell my wife it’s impossible, but she says it’s possible, it’s possible.” A wife is a close relative, right?

Another fear of an intimophobe is the unconscious connection “relatives - trouble.” This fear most often grows out of a complex, problematic relationship between a child and a parent of the opposite sex. For example, the mother unnecessarily suppressed her son or did not pay attention to him (and he needed this attention). When such a boy grows up, he involuntarily fears that as soon as a woman becomes “too close and dear” to him, she will either suppress him or leave him, like his mother - and in any case, he will never even receive the necessary warmth from a close woman and attention. It will either be her thing, which she disposes of at her own discretion, or... probably, also a thing, but unnecessary and forgotten somewhere under the closet. Such fears, arising in the area of ​​the unconscious, can lead to an already conscious desire to keep a distance, and even more so, God forbid, not to officially recognize any woman as your relative (official spouse).

As an option, there is a situation where the boy has not learned any other love other than “the love of a son for his mother.” (And we are not talking about sex here at all, but about the training and experience of communication between a boy and girls at the “non-mother” level). As a result, any emotional intimacy with a woman is regarded by him as “closeness with mom.” But if a physiological relationship arises with this woman, an unconscious taboo against incest begins to work latently in such a man. At a minimum, sex is spoiled (and the man himself may not realize why), and even relationships in general as such. And this can happen more than once or twice. In the end, the conclusion follows: “As soon as I become mentally close to a woman, my intimacy with her first worsens, and then everything else; So maybe, well, really, this spiritual closeness?” Yes, such a man can even get married (if he is forced to do so by certain circumstances), but he will try with all his might to remain at a psychological distance from his wife, he will have mistresses (and also remain at a distance from them), because at the level of unconscious associations It’s already working for him: as soon as he becomes a person close and dear to his wife, many things in the relationship become worse.

The same problems in a daughter’s relationship with her father can lead to “intimothobism” in a girl. Either dad was a guardian in too large doses, developing defenselessness in his daughter (which was uncomfortable for her), or dad was a tough tyrant who only put pressure on his daughter (or even physically punished her). And as a result, the girl may consciously fear that her potential life partner may again turn out to be either too caring a guardian or too harsh a tyrant. She doesn’t need both, so she stays away from all men just in case. If this fear is not expressed strongly, then the girl can lead a sexual life, and if strongly, then she is afraid of this too (especially if prejudices are still alive that even after one-time sex a man has certain rights over a woman). That is, the same thing - no “symbols of family relationships, otherwise there will be all sorts of troubles.” And this, too, can develop into a neurotic phobia, when fear appears a priori, until the moment when another acquaintance begins to reveal his behavior in this matter: the girl is afraid of him initially, even if there is nothing to be afraid of yet.

***

The registry office, a wedding, there are a lot of cars, a crowd of people nearby. A father walks past with a baby. He asks: “Dad, did they run over someone here?” Dad, detachedly: - Well, you can say so...

Another possible cause of intimophobia is different rates of psychological rapprochement. Or rather, a situation where this difference is categorically not taken into account. For example: two people meet. Both, in principle, are not against starting a family. Only one of them needs more time to mature into a marital role, to the feeling that it is with this person that he (s) is ready to live his life and, possibly, have children. Therefore, for now there is a seemingly non-binding communication with routine signs of attention: but the trouble is if the second partner (partner) takes this attention for an actually expressed proposal. For example, while a man is thinking about which theater to take his friend to so that she is satisfied, and how to figure out exactly how much he should “move in communication beyond the theater” with her, the woman is already imagining how they will arrange the furniture in a shared apartment and what the children will be called. And when such a man hears or feels this ahead of time, he gets scared: how is it that he’s not ready for anything yet, but marriage ties are already being thrown on him? If the lady had waited a little, perhaps he himself would have agreed, or even suggested; but when he is raped, despite all his affection for the lady and even his love for her, it is better to immediately move away. Because if he is so suppressed before marriage, then what will happen in marriage? And the partner, at best, calls him “an indecisive mattress,” and at worst, “a deceiver, because he courted him like that, he looked after him like that...” And if a man manages to break free, he may not come to his senses for a long time. If history repeats itself (especially more than once), a man may well acquire a persistent fear of any more or less close relationship in which a woman may even suspect that she has been invited to marry.

But this can also happen to women: when men rush them into marriage, and the answer I need to think about is “that means you don’t love me!” Yes, he loves, he loves, you just have to think about it. And if you start putting pressure, the result will be another disappointment for such a woman/girl in close relationships and a desire to stay away from all men in general.

As a result, even in the most benevolent, non-pressuring, pleasant relationships, a potential intimate phobe (again, no matter what gender) begins from time to time to think: “Something is all too good: this is suspicious. In this regard, I certainly must (must) step on some rake, not now, but later! So why step on them later, when I’m already attached to this person? Let me quickly step on something now, even if it hurts, but then it will hurt me more!” And a person pulls out some problematic “rakes” from some dark corner of his unconscious (if you want, you can find enough of them) and hits himself with them in the forehead, and often for the company of his partner. Like, “get out of here until I get better, otherwise God forbid something happens!”

And so - time after time, and each time earlier and more pronounced, a person provokes a break in any potential close relationship. And it doesn’t matter whether there are real reasons for fear: the behavior can be described by the famous phrase “We’ve never lived well, there’s nothing to start with.”

At the same time, the person himself often suffers from the fact that he (s) is lonely, from the lack of warmth, etc., not knowing that he (s) himself scares away all potential partners. For such a “hit in the forehead with a rake”, such a provocation of a break according to the principle “anyway, there will definitely be some nasty thing, it’s better now” is done most often unconsciously.

In the material on the nature of phobias, it was discussed that there are often defensive phobias. So it is with intimate phobia. After all, there may well be (both men and women) a conscious reluctance to get married or have a “girlfriend or boyfriend.” And as soon as they started talking about such a phenomenon as intimophobia, many took it into account: “I don’t want to get married because it won’t bring any utilitarian benefit for me, but because I, for example, am intimophobic. So leave me alone, that’s all.”

And the more often they so obsessively ask why and why there is no family, the more a person (especially if he is also demonstrative) convinces himself that he is an intimate phobe. And after reading articles about intimate phobia and its manifestations, under the influence of the information received (like a good actor), he will involuntarily begin to behave exactly like this. And over time, he will finally convince himself of this (especially if the pressure from outside continues and, even more so, intensifies).

***

Who is a confirmed bachelor? This is a bachelor who has been persuaded to marry.

When talking about intimate phobia when contacting a psychotherapist, it is always necessary to clarify - who has the problem? And who needs help in this regard? To the supposed intimate phobe himself, who personally suffers from the strangeness of his behavior? His girlfriends and friends who can’t persuade him (her) to marry? Relatives who suffer because their child will not have a “family appropriate for this age”?

These questions are far from rhetorical: because in most cases one person comes for a consultation and asks for help from another. Because the other one “can’t start a family.” Most often, this is either a partner (partner) of the person who applied, or a son (daughter).

And here we have to offer the applicant a slightly different point of view on the current situation. And first, discuss another question: why is it so important to him what happens in the life of another person, even a fairly close one? More precisely, why does he himself want to reshape the life of this loved one according to his own patterns and in accordance with his own point of view? After all, if someone has problems, he, as an adult and capable person, has the right to solve them on his own: including the right to decide whether to contact a psychotherapist about this, and to choose specifically for himself which one. And I usually suggest that someone who intercedes on behalf of a third party first understand why he himself has such a need - to openly or covertly manipulate another person. And if, due to the behavior of that person, problems arise for the applicant, then it makes sense to talk about these problems.

However, often the client asks to understand his own social and intimate difficulties associated with so-called intimate phobia. And here the main topic is diagnostics. What causes certain fears and/or difficulties in communicating with potential partners? What goals does a person set for himself and do they conflict with what the surrounding current society imposes on him? An objective clarification of the nuances and characteristics of the individual, an analysis of unconscious needs and feelings, reasons and motives is required. In addition, the causes of such problems can be disguised as one another, combined, interconnected, etc. Therefore, each situation must be analyzed individually and certain forms of psychotherapeutic work must be selected in each specific case.

And lastly: in the process of psychotherapy, it is important to avoid tasks like “to rid a person of something,” including so-called intimophobia.
Because, as I have had to say more than once, if you simply try to take away something from a person that he still needs for one reason or another, an empty space, a hole, will form in his life. And it is important to imagine what this empty space will be filled with later: it is possible, for example, that some other phobia, already of a neurotic nature. It is important not just to rid the client of something, but to help him find something with which he can replace it; not to take away something generally negative from him, but to help add something specifically positive to his life. In the end, to provide the client with all the necessary knowledge about the situation, the characteristics of his personality, society, etc., so that he himself can improve his quality of life in his own, individual understanding. Orders from the “Electronic Doctor” that are most relevant to the article: I want to find out the causes of fears I want to live without fear I want to forget about fears I want to forget about fear I want to get rid of the feeling of fear I want to be free from fears I want to stop having fears I want to understand reasons for fears I want to overcome my fears I want to overcome my fear Topics: complexes, problems of men, psychasthenia, psychological dependence, fears, phobias.
© Naritsyn Nikolai Nikolaevich psychotherapist, psychoanalyst © Naritsyn Marina psychologist, psychoanalyst, Moscow

Is it possible to cure intimophobe?

It is possible, but only if he realizes his problem and seeks help from a professional psychologist or psychiatrist. However, more often than not, intimaphobes themselves do not believe that they are experiencing serious psycho-emotional disorders, and therefore do not strive to change their attitude towards life and undertake treatment for intimophobia.

The only reason to contact a specialist may be a severe version of intimophobia - fear of sexual intercourse (coitophobia). In the absence of problems with sexual contacts, an intimate phobe sees no reason to see a psychotherapist at all.

And yet, loved ones of an intimophobe should not lose hope. If you manage to convince him to visit a psychologist, then it is quite possible to overcome the problem with the help of cognitive behavioral psychotherapy techniques, in which you as a partner will also need to take part. If necessary, a psychotherapist can prescribe antidepressants, with the help of which it will be easier for an intimate phobe to experience attacks of fear and panic.

What makes guys avoid sex?

Why do men refuse sex? The reasons need to be looked for in the guy’s past. Most often, those people who become intimophobes are those in whose families there was a lack of attention. For example, mom and dad worked from morning to night, and the child was left to his own devices. Later, he was not singled out from the rest either in the garden or at school. A person simply does not have a healthy impression of love and happiness, so he is afraid of new emotions and consciously runs away from them.

A more serious reason why a man avoids intimacy is tyranny and physical violence in the family. Here you already need the help of a psychotherapist or psychologist who will help you overcome childhood trauma and forget the bitter experience.

And, contrary to the popular opinion about the insensitivity of men, representatives of the stronger sex are capable of vivid emotions. And if previous novels ended in betrayal, then the guy seeks to protect himself from new mental pain. Many girls do this too - remember how carefully you start a new relationship after a painful old one.

Advantages of contacting MEDSI

• Experienced, qualified doctors.
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Experienced, qualified doctors help men regain normal erectile function, self-confidence and positive emotions from sex, regardless of the causes of the pathology.

• Accurate and fast diagnosis.
  Examinations are carried out in just 2-3 days and allow you to determine the causes of problems and methods of treating impotence in men
• Unique diagnostic methods.
  Examinations are carried out using such techniques as pharmacodopplerography, polysomnography with control of the level of nocturnal erections, cavernosography under the control of multislice computed tomography. General clinical, hormonal and other studies, ultrasound, psychological tests, etc. are also carried out.
• Psychological assistance to patients.
  MEDSI doctors can identify the psychological cause of impaired potency and help cope with psychogenic erectile dysfunction (if it is diagnosed). If necessary, individual and family therapy sessions are provided
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  They are located near the metro. In addition, we provide the optimal combination of prices for services and high quality of their provision

To undergo treatment of impotence in men using modern methods, just make an appointment by calling (495) 7-800-500. The specialist will answer all questions and select the optimal time to visit the clinic. You can also make an appointment using the SmartMed app.

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More details

How to overcome the current situation?

Every problem needs to find a solution. Instead of asking dozens of times a day why my husband or boyfriend refuses me in bed, you can help your loved one yourself. What do I need to do?

• Always look after yourself

A well-groomed woman, even without being an ideal of beauty, makes you want to have sex with her. How long have you been to a hairdresser or manicure? When was the last time you updated your wardrobe? Who is waiting for a man at home - an aunt in a greasy robe or a seductive “sweetie”?

• Talk, don't play dumb

Ask honestly why your husband avoids sex, and how you personally can help him. Perhaps the spouse does not know where to start such a serious conversation, he is afraid of ridicule and condemnation.

• Minimize stress in your boyfriend's life

So he comes home from work, where he may have argued with colleagues or received a reprimand from his boss - and at home you are waiting for him with new claims. Of course, thoughts about sex in such an environment will be one of the last to arise. Turn your home into a place where a man will rest his soul and body.

• Make sex more varied

The same position, the same scenario of intimacy will kill any desire. Buy sex toys, learn a new way of giving a blowjob, play role-playing games with your partner. Just ask first how your partner feels about such experiments - the already mentioned intimate phobes may be embarrassed by your determination.

Diagnostics

The disease has a characteristic clinical picture, so making a diagnosis is not difficult. But the urologist must differentiate this particular type of pathology from others, according to the classification. Before treating bacterial prostatitis, a full examination is carried out, which includes:

• patient interview;
• rectal examination of the prostate by palpation;
• general clinical and bacterial analysis of urine and blood;
• PCR (polymerase chain reaction) test to detect pathogen DNA and determine the stage of the disease;
• sampling and culture of urethral secretion to determine the severity of inflammation and study the internal flora.

Additional examination techniques may be required:

• PSA is a test for prostate-specific antigen to identify oncological processes in the prostate gland;
• TRUS – transabdominal ultrasound;
• spermogram – if infertility is suspected;
• urodynamics - to determine the source of disturbances in the urination process.

Signs of bacterial prostatitis play an important role. It is the clinical picture that is the main factor for the urologist in making a diagnosis and determining treatment.

Symptoms

Manifestations of acute and chronic forms of the disease may differ. In the second case, the signs are less pronounced or absent. In acute cases, symptoms of bacterial prostatitis:

• pain syndrome in the sacrum and perineum;
• pain when urinating and bowel movements;
• frequent urination (especially at night);
• discharge from the urethra;
• burning in the urethral area.

There are no pain receptors in the prostate tissue. The cause of discomfort is the involvement of the pelvic organs and nerve pathways in the inflammatory process. The pain can be of varying intensity - from aching to acute. They can radiate to the scrotum and lumbar region.

Frequent urge to urinate is associated with swelling and increased volume of the prostate. As the lumen of the ureter narrows, there is a feeling of incomplete emptying of the bladder. Gradually, the signs of dysuria may weaken, but with decompensation they return again.

At the initial stage of the pathology, there is a problem with potency of a different nature:

• weakening of erections or increased frequency during sleep;
• erased orgasm;
• pain during ejaculation.

Immediate treatment of bacterial prostatitis is also required due to disturbances in the patient’s mental state. Men suffer from insomnia, depression, and irritability. The threat of impotence, which is a complication of the disease, becomes a reason for problems with the emotional and mental background.

Types of disease

There are several types of classification of the disease, depending on the symptoms, etiology, nature and duration of the course, relapses, and other associated factors.

When determining the type of bacterial prostatitis in men, the following parameters are taken into account:

• cause – infection, bacteria;
• the type of pathogenic agent that caused the inflammation;
• the presence of stagnation of secretions and ejaculate;
• fibrotic manifestations;
• route of infection;
• specificity of the course - acute, chronic, atypical form;
• phase of activity of the inflammatory process;
• development stage.

Most often, the algorithm proposed by American scientists from the National Institutes of Health is taken as the basis for classification.

Antibiotics

Treatment of bacterial prostatitis in men is based on complex regimens. Antibiotics are the main group of drugs included in the therapy program. Antibacterial drugs are selected taking into account the sensitivity of the infectious agent. Broad-spectrum drugs penetrate well into prostate tissue. These include:

1. Fluoroquinolone group – have pronounced antimicrobial activity, disrupt the synthesis of bacterial DNA, which leads to their death. There are 4 generations of drugs. The most commonly prescribed drugs are Ofloxacin, Ciprofloxacin and others.
2. Tetracyclines are active against gram-positive pathogens. Tetracycline, Doxycycline.
3. The macrolide group is considered the least toxic antibiotics. They have a bacteriostatic effect and retain a high concentration in tissues. These include: Leukomycin, Azithromycin and others.

In addition to antibiotics, patients suffering from a chronic form of the pathology are prescribed the following drugs:

• alpha-blockers – normalize blood and lymph flow, relieve vascular tone;
• decongestants – Omnik and others;
• painkillers;
• non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs;
• to maintain immunity - a complex of vitamins and immunomodulators.

The treatment includes physical therapy, and prostate massage is often used to improve drainage of the prostate gland. Laser therapy shows good results.

How long to treat bacterial prostatitis? The disease is quite complex and requires a long course of therapy - taking antibiotics for 4 - 8 weeks. After this, a recovery period will be required.

Causes of intimophobia:

• Negative youth experiences. One day, a person trusted another, revealed his soul, or had an intimate relationship and was ridiculed and cursed. There is a fear of opening up again and experiencing pain again. A person always keeps his distance when making new acquaintances.
• Parenting. The parents told the child that no one can be trusted, there is deception everywhere.
• Religious stereotypes that believe that intimate relationships are only for childbearing.
• Lack of parental love. Parents did not devote time and love to their child. He grew up alone. And he grew up without emotions. When getting close to another person, he feels uncomfortable.
• The presence of real or imagined physical disabilities. Judging the appearance of an authoritative person instills self-doubt.
• The reasons for sexual intimacy can be: lack of sexual experience, negative experience, fear of contracting sexually transmitted diseases, fear of unwanted pregnancy.

This fear begins to manifest itself in adolescence, when parental attitudes are still in effect. But this goes away with age and new life experiences. But it is also possible to preserve it in adulthood.

Fear greatly influences social activity.

What are the signs of impotence in men?

Symptoms of violations include numerous deviations in the sexual sphere, including:

• absence or weakening of morning erection
• incomplete or insufficient erection
• the need for prolonged stimulation for an erection
• lack of erection even when aroused
• gradual or sudden decrease in penis tension during sexual intercourse
• early ejaculation
• increasing the time between sexual acts

The severity of signs of impotence in men depends on the cause of the pathological condition.

The severity of signs of impotence in men depends on the cause of the pathological condition. Psychogenic impotence, for example, usually occurs suddenly. Dysfunctions of organic origin, as a rule, gradually progress.

Important! Young men should be careful about identifying signs of impotence. If you detect any abnormalities, even seemingly minor ones, you should consult a doctor as soon as possible. This will allow you to quickly make a diagnosis and begin therapy. Only in this case will it be successful.

Feature of the phenomenon

Intimophobia is a fear of deep contacts and trusting relationships. Intimacy here refers not so much to sex, but to deeper emotional connections between people. Intimophobes can even lead an active social life and have regular sexual partners, allowing them close to the body, but not to the soul.

As a rule, intimate phobes are quite active and easily make contacts, but as soon as we talk about deeper relationships, personal problems emerge. People suffering from this illness do everything to push away a person who claims to have something more serious than superficial communication.

Intimophobes rarely manage to build strong love relationships. As soon as it seems to them that attachment to a partner crosses internal boundaries, they strive to break the connection. The reason for this is the fear that a loved one will not want to accept the feelings offered to him.

Also watch the webinar “Self-treatment of intimate phobia. When you can’t build relationships” by Denis Burkhaev.

Factors contributing to the development of prostatitis

Among the predisposing circumstances, the following are noted:

• regular hypothermia of the body;
• irregular sexual activity;
• diseases associated with immune system disorders;
• chronic pathologies of the genitourinary system;
• sedentary lifestyle – lack of physical activity, sedentary work;
• pelvic organ injuries;
• other chronic pathologies of the gastrointestinal tract, ENT organs, and so on.

There is an opinion among experts that the risk of developing symptoms of bacterial prostatitis in men increases with intoxication factors. These include abuse of alcohol, nicotine, and narcotic substances.

Nutrition

This factor also plays a big role; a proper diet will help you recover faster from illness and reduce the risk of relapse. It is recommended to select food according to the following principles:

• products containing all the microelements necessary for the body;
• food should be well digestible and not heavy;
• foods high in fiber stimulate the digestion process and prevent intestinal dysfunction;
• Monitoring your drinking regime will help prevent dehydration.

The main task when creating a diet is to normalize intestinal function, since constipation is one of the causes of exacerbations of prostatitis.

What if he avoids sex only with you?

Sometimes it turns out that the issue is not a fear of close relationships, but a banal betrayal. Knowing that at home they will nag him, scold him at the slightest reason and humiliate him, the man seeks recognition on the side. And who will make you believe in yourself again, if not a mistress who looks at a guy with admiring eyes and indulges his every whim? In the article “How to find out that a man is cheating on you” on the official website of Pavel Rakov, I tell you how to catch your spouse being unfaithful and what to do about it.

Read more articles about problems in your intimate life and their solutions in the “Love and Sex” section. And to be sure that such troubles will bypass you or cause minimal inconvenience, sign up for the “Secrets of Women’s Happiness” course. There I will tell you how to build a happy family life, in which there is no room for misunderstandings and disagreements.

Why do you think men are in no hurry to have an intimate relationship? What is this connected with, and has it happened in your life?