How not to become a friend to a girl who doesn't want a relationship?

How to stop chasing someone who doesn't love you?
Why does a girl want to be friends, refusing a relationship?
The first thing is to continue to be friends
Second - start caring
Third - ignore
Bottom line

How often do girls refuse you a relationship, but agree to be friends and constantly communicate? In female psychology it sounds like this: if you don’t like a man, but he is good and useful, then make him your friend. But is this what you wanted? That’s why the site for men masculino.ru will consider the question of how not to become a friend to a girl who doesn’t want a relationship when you offer her something more.

How to stop chasing someone who doesn't love you?

You can increasingly hear stories about unhappy love, when one partner loves the other, but not mutually. In such situations, either the partners are in a relationship, but there is no trust, affection and love in it, or the one who loves tries in various ways to start a love union with someone who does not have the same desires towards him. Only over time does one realize that it is impossible to force oneself to become loved, and also that it is better to try to forget a girl who does not want to be around. Therefore, the question arises here: how to let go, how to stop running after someone who doesn’t love you.

First, you should understand one pattern: life can bring people together not only for the sake of starting a love relationship, but also simply for the sake of some valuable experience. Therefore, if you love, but they don’t love you, it means that life brought you together with a person not for the sake of a serious relationship, but for the sake of some experience, knowledge, and the development of new skills or qualities. Your meeting is short-lived, so one of the partners does not experience deep feelings. You are not destined to be together, otherwise not only you, but also you would be loved.

Secondly, you need to understand that your feelings, most likely, are not love, but something else. Why do you want this particular girl who doesn’t love you to start feeling something for you? This is a kind of desire to attract a specific person to you because he gave you something. But this is not love either on your part or on his part. It was simply the comfort you felt around this person.

Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?

You are flattered by the attention of a beautiful girl.
You are used to it, you do not want to start a new life without a partner.
Because you still want to know that you are loved. And when you get what you want, you will immediately cool down in your feelings.
Because of revenge: you were hurt because of the refusal to build a relationship with you, so you want to show how wrong the girl was in her decision.
Because of self-deception that you love and need this person. Imagine the distant future, how you make love to your partner every night, wake up next to her every morning, take care of her when she is sick, take her opinion into account when solving any issues, etc. Do you like this future? Often people think that they are in love, but as soon as they imagine family life with their beloved partners, they immediately understand what their real feelings are.

If your loved one will forever remain as he is now, are you ready to continue running after him, suffering from his dislike and hoping for impossible changes? Take a sober look at a completely earthly person. There is nothing about him that you would never find in other people. Moreover, there are candidates who are much better than your current partner and who know how to love. Why not look for a girl who will reach out to you rather than run away?

To stop running after someone who doesn't love you, you just need to understand why you can't let go of this person. There are many people in the world with whom you can build a love union, but for some reason you cannot let go of one specific person. Why? Understand why he is so interesting to you, and try to cultivate in yourself that quality or habit that will give you the same feeling that you experienced in the presence of your loved one. Provide yourself with those feelings, material benefits and pleasures that were given to you by someone who does not love you, and then you can easily let him go, you yourself will find a partner who will love you mutually.

When friendship is impossible

Regardless of what kind of relationship people were in, friendship after separation is impossible if:

irritation and resentment remain, at every meeting you want to prove something, make your partner bite his elbows;
passion is alive, people are drawn to each other;
one of the participants is attached to the other, in love with him;
jealousy arises;
Nostalgia torments, memories cause severe pain.

Psychologists recommend ending all relationships if possible after breaking up. If this is acceptable, then it’s even worth changing your place of work and your social circle. Or step aside for the first time, until all emotions subside and perception and thinking are restructured.

Why does a girl want to be friends, refusing a relationship?

Women's psychology is so “curly” that it is easy to get lost in its vastness. Let's look at the most common type of relationship, when you like a girl, but refuses a love union, agreeing only to friendship. Why does she need this?

You are useful to her in some way. Either you provide her financially, or give her the attention she needs, or it’s interesting to communicate with you. There are many options.
She likes you. Why doesn't she want to date you? She is either busy with another guy, or in love with someone, or expects some “special” act from you.
She is interested in you as a friend. In other words, she really needs you as a friend.

There is another option why a girl does not want to part with you, but can only offer friendship - she is flattered by your attention. There is a category of girls who crave everyone's attention. They take care of themselves and are quite attractive. Many men can pay attention to them. So, they like male attention, but they do not allow men to approach them, so to speak, in order to feel their own value.

These are the so-called “queens” who know that everyone likes them, but at the same time they do not let them approach them so as not to lose value in the eyes of men. And here the technology of these young ladies is very simple: in order for them to become interested in you, you need to stop paying attention to them.

This can be seen in everything. Abundance allows you not to worry about details that may disappear or disappear from life. The richer a person is, the less he cares about the pennies that are spent. The larger the company, the more impersonal the employees who work in it become. The more things you have, the less you worry about them breaking or missing.

If we consider the value of a guy in relation to the girl he likes, this manifests itself in the following: if there are a large number of fans, the girl ceases to value each individually. Now all the guys are becoming the same for her. She does not love them, does not recognize the motives of their actions and desires. She doesn't try to get to know them. The girl just gets used to the fact that all the guys are courting her without appreciating it.

The less attention you pay to a girl, the more acutely she notices it. The fewer fans a girl has, the more valuable everyone who looks after her becomes. The more fans a girl has, the more she values those who do not court her. As they say, while a person has, he does not value, but when he loses, he cries. But here a slightly different principle applies: the less a person has, the more he appreciates the little things that appear to him.

So, let's move on to the strategy of what you need to do to avoid becoming the friend of a girl who refuses a relationship.

Friendship between ex-spouses

And finally, the most difficult case is the possibility of friendship between ex-spouses. Most often, complicating factors are added to the imbalance that was described in the previous example. For example, division of joint property, children, savings, and so on. And the divorce process itself leaves many unpleasant moments for both partners.

Can friendship arise between ex-spouses? Real, sincere, the kind that “in the snow and in the heat” is unlikely, but maintaining respectful, calm communication is still worth it, because often, after many years of married life together, it is not so easy to completely disappear from the sight of a friend friend. This is especially important if you have children together. According to the latest statistics, for every 1 million weddings, there are almost 600 thousand divorces.

That's more than half! And only 1 out of 100 divorces can end in true friendship, according to psychologists. They also believe that friendship with a former spouse is a losing decision, but do not forget that all relationships are individual and unique. If the former spouses are connected by something really important, for example, children, then it is worth trying to maintain communication. But still, if treason or betrayal was involved in the relationship, then there can be no talk of friendship if each of the former spouses has self-respect.

The first thing is to continue to be friends

Many guys continue to communicate with girls that they like and do not want to be in a relationship. How many guys managed to become their soul mates over time? The statistics are reduced to zero. Thus, if you don’t want to be friends with a girl you want a relationship with, then don’t be friends with her.

Your intentions are clear: you agree to friendship in the hope that you can tie the girl to you, get to know her better and still fall in love with you. But this option doesn't work. Why?

If a girl doesn't like you, then she won't fall in love with you, no matter how much time you spend together.
If a girl likes you, then she will fall in love with you even without friendship.

In other words, if you start being friends with a girl, you will remain her friend. She will take advantage of your time and attention, which will not pay off in any way. Therefore, if you don’t want to be friends, then don’t start.

I don’t know how to talk to girls at all, what should I do?

Pickup trainings. Many people believe that at such trainings they first of all teach how to “tempt a girl for sex.” In fact, this is not at all paramount. You will not achieve any intimacy if you do not learn to communicate with the opposite sex. That is why it is more correct to say that, first of all, at such trainings they teach the art of communicating with girls. Of course, then you can use the acquired skills as you please.

If you are unable to attend such trainings in person, then you may be interested in online courses - you will most likely easily find the ones you need on the Internet, guided by the reviews you like. You can also check out some free tips that pickup gurus share in various videos.

It is possible that you have a friend who can easily start a conversation with almost any girl and interest her. Observe him from the outside, draw conclusions for yourself. If we are talking about a close friend, then frankly ask him to point out your mistakes and give some recommendations.

Second - start caring

This option is possible. However, you need to be careful here. Why doesn't a girl want to date you? Let's go back to the example, when a girl is very beautiful, everyone likes her, many men court her, but she doesn't date anyone. Thus, if other men are courting her, and she refuses them, it means that she will refuse your advances.

Of course, the girl will be pleased that you are running after her. But if you have not previously courted her, for which you deserve to become her friend, then you are already doing more than other contenders for her hand and heart. Look at the other men she dated: how did they behave with her? Perhaps you need to behave in exactly the same way.

What qualities do girls value?

Each teenage girl has her own criteria for assessing the merits of guys. But nevertheless, there are a number of qualities that will be important for any young lady:

Neatness. It is foolish to expect reciprocal sympathy if you wear dirty clothes, bite your nails and do not use a handkerchief. Your hairstyle should be neat and as stylish as possible. Use a pleasant, unobtrusive perfume.
Politeness. Always say hello and goodbye. The words “thank you”, “thank you”, “please” should definitely be in your vocabulary. Don't use obscene words. This won’t make you look cooler, but it will help you stand out from the crowd of your peers.
Gallantry. Act like a gentleman. Give your hand when she needs to get out of public transport, let her through first, hold the door, help her put on her outerwear.
Success and hard work. The basis of your great future success is today's small victories at school. If you are lazy to study your homework, don’t read books, have no hobbies, then you are probably not interesting to yourself. And then you’ll hardly be able to interest a girl. Concentrate on your lessons, improve your studies and see how the attitude of those around you, and, first of all, of girls, will radically change.
Friendly and cheerful disposition. But if you know that humor is not your strong suit, draw attention to yourself with other virtues. Otherwise, the impression of inappropriate jokes can ruin everything.
Sociability. It will help you establish contact and find common topics for conversation.
Naturalness. Don't pretend to be someone you really are not.
Helpfulness. Don't be shy to offer your help to a girl. This will bring you closer and you will be able to make friends faster.

Third - ignore

We can say that this is the best way to either get a girl or lose her forever. If a girl knows about your feelings and has refused your offer to date you, then there is only one option - to leave her. There is no need to run, beg, conquer. Dump the girl who wants to be your friend to see what she really needs you for.

Firstly, by leaving you show the girl your attitude towards her: “If you don’t want to be with me as a man, then we won’t communicate at all.” This is normal behavior when you don't want to be friends with a girl if she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you.

Secondly, you let her decide whether to be with you or say goodbye. If a girl likes you, then your departure will excite her. She will want you back. And if a girl is indifferent to you, then she will let you go. In this case, if you were friends with her, you would not achieve anything good for yourself.

And lastly: by leaving a beauty who is accustomed to everyone’s attention, you demonstrate that you are not afraid of losing her. The absence of fear must be real. Don’t be afraid to lose a beauty who doesn’t want to be with you, so that you can be free for a woman who will still appreciate you!

Friendship between spouses

Every second family in Russia gets divorced. In marriage and after it, the relationship between spouses develops differently: some become enemies, some become business partners, and some become best friends. Yes, you can maintain a good relationship after a divorce, but under several conditions:

the separation was a mutual decision;
the marriage did not end in betrayal or betrayal (people simply decided that there was no further path for them);
there was no emotional, sexual, or physical violence in the marriage;
the former spouses still have a common business or a child.

If the divorce was a forced measure or one of the spouses was abandoned, then there can be no talk of friendship. It will not be possible to build a good relationship even if the marriage or divorce process was so difficult that just the name of the former partner causes a surge of negative emotions (disappointment, resentment, anger, fear).

Separately, it is worth considering the divorce of spouses who have children. In this case, they should try to maintain, if not friendly, then at least business relations. Of course, provided that one of the parents does not threaten the life and safety of the child. If someone is a good parent but a bad spouse, then this is a problem between two adults. The child should not suffer because of their differences. He has the right to communicate with both parents. But provided that parents can communicate normally with each other.

Interesting fact: 43% of women and 60% of men dream of having a sexual relationship with their ex-partner. This is not surprising, because during marriage people study each other inside and out, they know the characteristics and preferences of their partner. This is what sometimes becomes a stumbling point in friendship. A good relationship combined with nostalgia - and now you find yourself in the same bed again. But this is no longer friendship.

Related article:
Should you get married: the pros and cons of marriage. Why is marriage necessary and why do people get married? Psychologists explain how not to get married