Some women are guided by these very criteria when they start relationships on the side.
Others love risk, thrills, and some danger. One way or another, when a connection with a second man has already been established, most representatives of the fair sex think not about what served as the motive, but about how to return to family life without serious consequences and part with their lover forever.
Reasons for the appearance of a secret partner in a woman’s life
Practice allows us to identify a number of reasons why a woman decides to take a lover. Such relationships can vary in duration , but almost never lead to the creation of a new full-fledged union. A lover always allows you to satisfy a woman’s need that her husband is unable to satisfy:
- sexy;
- emotional;
- financial.
Moreover, if one area of life does not meet a woman’s expectations, the rest completely suit her. It is for this reason that she does not seek to leave her husband and start a new relationship with another partner.
Blackmail as a way to get rid of the attention of an abandoned partner
Threatening to tell your wife everything can work with an annoying partner, but the woman should consider the possible consequences.
Disclosure of an unpleasant fact may result in divorce. In this case, the man will begin to show even more obsession, because now he has nothing to lose.
If a spouse values her family, she will probably look for a meeting with her rival . Harassment can have unpleasant consequences and is not limited to just verbal threats.
Finally, the most favorable outcome of blackmail is the achievement of the set goal. The man will be afraid of the threat and will stop showing excessive attention towards his ex-lover. This option should be used extremely rarely and carefully due to the unpredictability of the consequences.
Why do you want to stop meeting?
New relationships are enjoyable only for the first time.
The feeling of novelty, long-awaited attention or receiving material benefits brings pleasure , but soon the woman begins to experience:
- fear of “getting caught”;
- reluctance to destroy the family (due to children or common property);
- real feelings for your spouse;
- moral discomfort from forced deception.
After carefully considering the current situation and weighing all the risks, the woman comes to the logical conclusion that it is not advisable to continue the relationship in the long term.
If you're left alone
Ding-ding, reminder once again: he was not free from the beginning! If he was not going to leave his family, then the denouement had to begin sometime. What ways can you think of to forget this man?
It will also be useful: How to find a lover
Drastic changes
There is one tricky way you can try to deceive yourself. Do you remember the movie “50 First Dates”? There, the main character forgot every previous day, living only for today. She had her own habits, starting early in the morning.
You need the same thing - just remove from yourself the time in which you lived, loving your married man. To get started, do this:
- You cannot change your place of residence, but you can move the furniture in this apartment. This is necessary so that the old environment does not remind you of the visits of your ex-boyfriend, if the meetings took place at your home.
- At least change the curtains to a more cheerful color if you can't re-stick the wallpaper. Orange, yellow and green shades lift your spirits and help cope with depression. A small thing, but very important.
- The reflection in the mirror should also give off some other image, different from today’s. Yes, everything is banal and simple - change your hairstyle, hair color, clothing style. This is not for beauty, but for dramatic changes.
Now change your habits, starting in the morning:
- Are you used to drinking tea and sandwiches for breakfast? Drink cocoa with croissants.
- Do you like girly melodramas? They are of no use now, watch comedies.
- Do you usually go to bed with your head facing west? Shift to the east.
Changes must occur in your life that contradict your usual way of life, even in small things. It is from this day that your fight against depression will begin.
Don't think it will be easy right away. But you just need to focus on that unusual day for you, which will become a habit. It will be easier later. But this is the first step towards liberation.
How to end a relationship with the person you love?
Women, choosing between two men, are often confused. It seems that feelings for her lover are growing every day, but the decision has been made - for objective reasons, you need to stay with your husband. To prepare yourself for the final separation from your second man, it is enough to perform a number of simple steps :
- view family albums, memorable videos;
- spend more time with your spouse;
- get vivid emotions with your husband (go on a trip, do extreme sports);
- try to diversify your sex life.
The secret is simple. To “cool down” towards your lover, it is enough to love your spouse with renewed vigor.
When is the best time to say goodbye?
An informed decision is born after one or two weeks of reflection. There is no right or wrong moment. However, it is better not to do this on the eve of the holidays or against the backdrop of an important event (someone's death, illness of a loved one, career changes), as this will double the negative impact and worries. Suitable time of day is morning, first half of the day. At this moment, a person looks at everything with open eyes and a strong mind.
How to tell about your intention to break off a relationship?
You need to part with your lover gradually, and first mentally. You need to get used to the idea that there will be no more secret meetings. Next, reduce the number of dates in order to distance yourself from each other. It’s worth preparing for the last conversation in advance and thinking through all the details and possible reactions in the smallest detail.
The most successful phrases that will be the least painful are the following::
- “I realized that my feelings were over.”
- “I changed my view on our relationship, I love my husband.”
- “It was just an affair, I’m not ready to date you on a regular basis.”
- “We have a good time, but we don’t understand each other at all, I don’t like it.”
Important !
You shouldn't talk about your fears of getting caught. If a man does not intend to end the relationship, he may threaten to tell the woman’s husband about the secret affair.
Care in English
Sometimes a married lover decides to leave quickly and without heartbreaking conversations, simply stopping meetings and phone calls. If it is possible not to meet your ex-lover even by chance, that is, your life paths do not intersect, then this may be a good choice, especially if the romance was based solely on sex.
Often this is a really simple way to end a hateful romance without an ugly showdown, according to the “out of sight, out of mind” principle.
True, an emotional woman is unlikely to calmly accept when her lover suddenly disappears from her life, and wants to clarify all the details.
How to convince someone to break up?
Parting with a lover can be significantly complicated by his disagreement.
A woman has several techniques at her disposal , each of which can either lead to the expected result or result in irreparable consequences.
- A hint of a serious relationship. The partner will either be scared or realize the sincerity of his feelings.
- Commercialism. Admitting that the relationship was based only on financial opportunities (or sex life) is an effective option. However, the partner may be seriously offended and begin to take revenge.
- Stop watching your appearance. This will turn off the lover, but also the husband.
- Obsession, total control, constant nagging is the safest method to “convince” a man to give up.
One of these methods should definitely work, but we must not forget about the possible risks.
Is cheating at 40 or 50 a delayed teenage rebellion?
Priya was born into an Indian immigrant family of modest means.
For her, the question is “What do I want?” has always been inextricably linked to the question “What do they want from me?” She never went to parties, got drunk, or stayed out late. She smoked her first joint at twenty-two. After graduating from medical school, she married the right guy and even invited her parents to live with them, and then bought them an inexpensive apartment. At forty-seven years old, she faces a serious question: “Will they love me if I’m not perfect?” Sometimes a little voice sounds in her head, asking how those who are not so “good” live. Are they lonely? Do they have more freedom? Do they have fun more often?
Priya's betrayal is not a symptom or a pathology. This is a crisis of personality, an internal restructuring of her ideas about herself. At meetings with her, we talked about duty and desire, maturity and youth. Her teenage daughters enjoyed freedom like she had never known. Priya supported them, but at the same time envied them. On the eve of her fiftieth birthday, she fell into her own deferred teenage rebellion.
My role was to help her understand her own actions. Obviously, her romance could not develop into the love of her life (although sometimes this happens). It was an affair that was destined to end sooner or later—preferably without destroying her marriage in the process.
Secret lover threatens: what to do?
One of the most common models of behavior of an offended lover is blackmail and threats to tell the woman’s husband about everything. If your intentions are serious and your relationship with your husband is precious, it is advisable to sort out the situation yourself.
It is not necessary to tell your loved one about the fact of betrayal ; it is enough to warn that the persistent boyfriend promised to ruin the woman’s life. In this case, you should make sure that the lover does not have direct or indirect evidence of the contact taking place - you need to get rid of all personal belongings, correspondence, and calls.
Confession of betrayal can forever destroy a relationship with a regular partner, so resorting to a “frank confession” is advisable only in extreme cases, when everything has already become known.
Useful advice from psychologists
When breaking up, you should listen to the recommendations. Advice from a psychologist on how to break off a relationship with a married man you love:
- Please understand that you are not the first to ask this question. Try to learn from the experience of other women, how they broke off relationships and quickly reached a different level of life and perhaps legitimized a relationship with another man.
- You need to break up decisively. Think about how to tell your lover that we are breaking up as openly and sincerely as possible. Prepare a short and concise speech in which you clearly describe the problems and experiences that you experience while being in this relationship. He needs to understand that you are suffering from the toxicity of your relationship. Understand that you are not obliged to tolerate such a man’s attitude towards you, sacrificing yourself and your interests, spending your life in expectations.
- Throw away the gifts. In order not to cry every time remembering him when your gaze stumbles upon the photo frame or souvenir he gave him, just get rid of it once and for all.
- Accept yourself. As a rule, women who agree to the role of mistress have low self-esteem. They are not confident in themselves. An insecure woman, if she does not love herself, will continue to attract partners who sense and exploit her vulnerability. Men, like predators, instinctively sense weaknesses and behave according to how she feels about herself. This applies to both women who are free from official relationships and those who are married. If you are unable to part with your lover, it means that he will continue to use the relationship. Therefore, understand yourself, agree with yourself about everything that causes internal contradictions. Accept yourself as you are. Self-sufficiency, love and self-respect are what any woman needs to put first. Remember that you are alone.
- Everyone makes mistakes; the past cannot be changed. Leave this relationship in your memory. Breaking a relationship with a loved one is always a painful and difficult experience. But nevertheless, there is no point in holding on to someone who does not belong either morally, physically, or legally. Time will pass, not as much as it might seem, and the pain will begin to subside. It will become easier. You will feel the way you feel after a long illness - light and free.
If the decision on how to painlessly part with her lover has not been made or the woman cannot decide to take such a step, then it is important to remember that life goes on and a meeting with a worthy man is still ahead. New fans will definitely appear in your life. Let some of them into your life.
Don't be afraid of a new romance, but most importantly, it should be a story about a relationship with a new man. With a new, free person and joint plans for the future.
What mistakes do women make?
When breaking up with a lover, it is common for a woman to have doubts. Especially if the man resists in every possible way. Promises to buy an expensive gift or take you to a long-awaited resort can make you change your mind.
Beautiful words can change a woman’s decision or postpone a serious conversation for an indefinite time. You should not blindly believe in a possible happy future if the intention to separate was meaningful and deliberate.
The second common mistake that a woman makes when breaking up with her lover is talking while drunk. Alcohol significantly affects a person's behavior, thoughts and feelings. Drinking alcohol “to be brave” is not a good idea for a serious conversation.
It is also inappropriate to resolve an important issue over the phone or choose the tactic of silent “self-elimination.”
Without understanding the situation, it is impossible to predict the man’s further actions, his reaction, and intentions .
In a conversation, you should not use foul language, hurl accusations and insults. If possible, parting should take place in calm tones, with a minimum of passions. Then the likelihood that the offended lover will attempt revenge is negligible.
Remorse and guilt towards their husbands often force women to confess everything to their spouse. The development of the conflict is unpredictable, but often, wives want their honesty in the very next minute.
What you can’t do to avoid ruining yourself
The following should be avoided:
- relaxation with alcohol;
- digging inside yourself, trying to understand why you don’t have any available gentlemen;
- listening to sad music;
- watching romantic films that can make you depressed;
- the appearance of a new lover (let the man be free this time!);
- constant memories of how good it was with him.
Listen to what an experienced psychologist says:
That's it - you broke up, why bring up the past? Put him down and let him fly in search of a new naive girl, who will hang noodles on her ears. And you are created for sincere, all-consuming love - allow yourself to be happy!
