Why men cheat on their wives but don’t leave them, reasons and psychology why husbands have mistresses

In this article we will tell you:

16 reasons why a man cheats but doesn't leave
How to behave if a man cheats but doesn’t leave
Divorce or save the family?

Why a man cheats but doesn’t leave is a question that plagues many girls who have been deceived by a loved one. This should not be surprising, because, according to research, men cheat twice as often as women. This is explained by the psychological characteristics of the stronger sex. Not everyone can come to terms with this, but they try.

However, the situation is doubly unpleasant when your chosen one is trying to “sit on two chairs”, having a mistress and at the same time, as if nothing had happened, spending time with his family. To understand the reasons for this behavior of your companion and figure out how to react to it, read our article to the end.

The wife deprives her husband of a sense of fulfillment and self-sufficiency

In our society, many men do not feel self-sufficient always and everywhere.
At the beginning of a family relationship, the husband’s inner emptiness is covered by his wife. They think they will love each other forever.

For him, a wife is a woman who will always be with him.

Now he feels self-sufficient and safe.

In your family, you yourself can deprive each other of what you then begin to look for in other people:

A wife may begin to deprive her husband of a sense of self-sufficiency and confidence during frequent scandals, domestic problems or misunderstandings. This happens when spouses have been together for a very long time.
Time passes, the wife no longer gives the love that she gave before. And the husband looks for her in the arms of his mistress.
The wife no longer gives this feeling of fullness and harmony , the husband begins to look for this feeling on the side.

If all this exactly happens in your relationship, then that is why a married man will have a mistress.

This is a problem not only for the wife, but also for the husband. He had to increase his level of awareness, work on himself and be self-sufficient on his own, without relying on external factors.

Is there a chance to save the family after betrayal?

This question can only be answered by the person himself who has faced betrayal. Every case is different, and there are no clear instructions here. In practice, it is easier to restore relationships for couples where there was only physical infidelity. And the partner did not have time to develop emotional attachment to another woman.

Correspondence on social networks and SMS lead to fantasies, which over time transform into feelings. If, in addition to sex, a man and his mistress had close communication, then saving the marriage becomes much more difficult.

A competent psychologist and your own self-control will help save your family. Once you have decided to forgive, do not remind your partner of the betrayal every time you quarrel. Forgiveness must come deeply from the heart, and not just in words. Otherwise, old grievances will turn into endless scandals. And the man will again start looking for another woman.

Marriages where love and respect are central are more likely to experience infidelity. But it is important to make decisions on your own, and not ask for advice from friends or relatives.

Elena and Yuri have been married for more than 15 years. But the woman constantly criticizes and humiliates her partner. As a result, he cheated on his wife with her best friend. Although Elena was hurt, she decided to talk openly. The husband said that he was not comfortable in the relationship because he did not feel respected. But he asked for forgiveness and offered to try again. The wife forgave and began to show respect. So Elena and Yuri saved their marriage.

He found a lover who is just cool to be with

With his wife, the husband often does not feel cool. With my wife it’s a family, it’s love, an idyll and children.

And there is another girl who is cool!

Let's explore in more detail the question of why men have mistresses and the psychology of their thinking, why they secretly spend time with them:

The mistress helps her husband mentally escape from family and everyday problems.
He has a mistress with whom he wants intimacy and who turns him on very much.
He gets himself a girl who delights him.
A mistress gives those new emotions and sensations that a wife does not give.
He can talk about things with this new woman that he can never talk to with his wife.

What is the way out of such situations so that the husband stops going out on the side?

You see, family life consists of many nuances, one might say, of a thousand little things. After all, it seems, just think, I didn’t praise him, he himself knows how good he is, and how much I appreciate him.

But... she said nothing once, forgot the second time, but for a man, this is a breath of air, this is another minus one brick from the foundation of his self-esteem.

Everyone is accustomed to praising a woman, saying how beautiful she is, how pretty she is, etc. And they somehow forgot about men, like they are so courageous, brutal, they don’t care about these emotions.

But these are stereotypes, and our society is prone to stereotypical thinking, especially when it comes to men and masculine behavior.

One of these stereotypes is that a man will always walk because that’s how they are, boys don’t cry, don’t feel, they’re made of stone, etc.

Sad…

Surely, it seems to you that I attack women and justify men for their infidelity, like, that’s how they are, and they need it? No way!

In a family problem, and especially in a crisis, and betrayal is a family crisis, both are always to blame!

Some did not say, some remained silent, they did not talk, did not discuss, etc. and this continues for years, and then, someone starts to go to the side.

After all, the situation did not arise yesterday, right? This means that there were prerequisites, there was mutual behavior and attitude towards each other.

The husband is polygamous and previously lived in an open relationship

On the topic of what his psychology is and why men cheat on girls, it would be correct to mention the following facts:

Your spouse cannot immediately suppress his instincts , if previously he gave them complete freedom. He can't stop looking at other women anymore.
No matter how much you feed the wolf, it still looks into the forest.
If a man is an alpha male in life, a hunter and a lover , then it will be difficult for him to suppress this in himself.
The guy wants to live according to his intentions and desires , but he cannot do this openly and cheats.

Therefore, he secretly makes cool mistresses, with whom it is cool and with whom he can temporarily forget about family life and all the problems that arise from it.

What not to do

In such a nervous situation, it is very easy to make common mistakes that you will later regret or be ashamed of. Millions of women step on the same rake, guided by emotions and anger. The consequences may not come immediately, but they will definitely come. So it's better to prevent them.

Pretend that nothing happened

The stupidest decision in such a situation is to pretend that nothing happened. Although there is an opinion that the husband will work up and return, and the relationship will only become stronger from this. But this has nothing to do with reality.

Having received permission to cheat, the husband will stop hiding.

With her silence, the wife gives permission for cheating. The husband will see that his adventures remain unpunished, and will no longer hide. He will stay late more often, spend weekends and holidays away from home, and stop coming up with good excuses. And at some point you may find someone else's hair on your pillow.

By turning a blind eye to betrayal, the wife loses respect from her husband. He will continue to cheat, but without feeling guilty - after all, he was allowed to.

Involving children

Involving children in your disputes is a terrible decision. No matter how bad a husband is, for children he is first and foremost a father, as beloved and dear as his mother. And when the wife deliberately turns the children against the father, their world collapses in two. Complexes or psychological problems may appear.

By turning children against their father, you punish them first.

There is no need to tell them all the nuances of what happened or demonize dad in their eyes. Allow the father to see and communicate with the children to minimize the consequences of your quarrel.

Be sure to make it clear that it is not their fault for what happened, and that you and dad still love them just the same.

Share details with family

You should not tell your parents that your husband is having an affair with another woman. Nobody knows how life will turn out. It is quite possible that you and your spouse will decide to start over with a clean slate and try to forget about the unpleasant incident. And relatives will not forget, which is fraught with discord in the family.

There is also no need to remain silent and experience all emotions alone. You can speak out, cry and ask for advice from a close friend whom you trust.

Edit in response

Revenge for betrayal by reciprocal betrayal is not the best option:

having cheated with another man, the wife will become like her traitor husband;
the woman will most likely be tormented by pangs of conscience for this trip to the side;
this is cruel to another man, because few people want to be just an instrument of revenge;
Later, you may feel ashamed and disgusted that you only slept with someone out of revenge.

Although there are exceptions. If you have long dreamed of spending the night with someone you know, but couldn’t decide to cheat, you can give yourself the green light. In some situations, this makes it easier to accept the husband’s betrayal and even save the family. As they say - in the calculation.

Dating my husband's mistress

Very often, deceived wives direct their anger towards their mistresses. Although this makes no sense, because she is an outsider. It is the husband who should be faithful to you, but betrayed your trust. He's the one you should be angry at.

There is no point in arguing with your mistress, because only your husband betrayed you.

A husband is an adult who must be accountable for his actions. If he does not want to cheat on his wife, no one can force or seduce him. Therefore, the answer must be held by the deceiving husband, and a conversation with his mistress will not lead to anything good.

Give up on yourself

Under no circumstances should you give up on your personal life. There may be an opinion that all men on the planet cheat, but this is not so.

Of course, after such an unpleasant surprise, the deceived woman is unlikely to start a new romance or get married in the coming days, but recovering from the blow after a while is quite possible.

She gives all her time to the child

If a child appears in your family, then the mother will spend a lot of time only with him at first.

How does a baby affect your sex life?:

These are constant screams at night that will not allow you to rest together.
This is caring for the baby, diapering, breastfeeding.
A woman after childbirth cannot make love.
Sometimes, when the baby sucks milk from the mother, some women find breastfeeding a lot of pleasure. And the wife no longer wants to spend time in bed with her husband.

Hence, as a rule, life in bed in your family fades into the background.

The husband finds no other way out than to extinguish his passion together with his mistress.

In this case, the psychology is that husbands cheat on their wives and want more at night, but they do not want to leave their family and child.

Reasons for betrayal

To develop the right strategy of behavior, you need to figure out why your husband cheated. There is no need to console yourself with hopes that if you haven’t left, it means there is a meaningless affair on the side that will soon end. Those who think this way sometimes have to put up with it for years. Just don’t need to immediately run to him with a scandal or urgently find out who she is and go to her for a showdown.

Psychologists recommend that you first calm down, collect your thoughts and understand why your husband is cheating. Consider any options, apply even the most fantastic guesses to your situation. Sometimes they turn out to be true.

Reason 1. Polygamy

Many have heard about the polygamous nature of men, but not everyone believes in it. Indeed, why then do some constantly cheat, while others remain faithful throughout their marriage? Here it comes down to the degree of education and character. There are those who have been instilled with moral standards and the value of family as a unit of society since childhood. It would never even occur to such people to start a relationship with another woman. There are those who are naturally modest, shy, or have some kind of physical disability that prevents them from “walking to the left.” But, if polygamy is combined with good external data, a cheerful and sociable character, vague moral values and childhood problems associated with the relationship of parents, rest assured: such a husband will cheat.

What to do? It will no longer be possible to correct it, as psychologists say. If these are new, meaningless affairs every time for self-affirmation, in the end he will get tired of it, and he can become an exemplary family man. But no one will say when this comes, not even himself. If you have the strength to sincerely forgive, the marriage can be saved. But there are also men who take a permanent mistress and cheat with her for years, while at the same time they do not leave their wife. This state of affairs definitely cannot be tolerated, and the question must be radically raised: either me or her. As practice shows, if he decides to be with her, he will cheat on her too - it’s only a matter of time. This is where polygamy comes into play.

The main thing is to understand: you are not to blame for this!

Reason 2. The pursuit of pleasure

Analyze: does your husband like to indulge himself with various pleasant things? The desire for pleasure can manifest itself in different ways: drinks expensive cognac, buys only branded clothes, indulges in a delicious meal in a restaurant, goes for a massage, etc. There are men who can afford all this, but they have different values : they work hard, invest money in investments, pamper their wives, raise their children, and only satisfy their needs on holidays. If yours belongs to the first type, it means that in the pursuit of pleasure, he may cheat from time to time. Other women are a source of new, pleasant sensations for him.

What to do? First, understand that most likely he does not have a permanent mistress. Secondly, this is exactly the case when a wife can independently solve the problem - diversify the sex life in marriage and become for him the very source of pleasure that he is looking for on the side. Believe me: if you load him at 100 at night, he will have neither the desire nor the strength to “walk to the left.”

Reason 3. Problems in intimate life

This is the reason that pushes men to cheat on their wives in 75% of cases. This is far from the same as receiving pleasure described above. Here the husband deliberately commits adultery, because the intimate life in marriage has become boring and boring to him, and his masculine essence requires the release of energy, the conquest of new Everests and the satisfaction of his needs. And here he can already have that same permanent mistress.

What to do? First, honestly answer the following questions:

Is everything okay in your intimate life with your husband?
Does this happen to you less than once a week?
Do you experiment with poses?
Do you only do this at home?
Is there any diversity in this area in your family?

After answering these questions, you will understand for yourself whether this could be the reason why your husband cheated on you. The solution is to make an appointment with a sexologist, learn the basics of massage, get acquainted with role-playing games, and update your underwear wardrobe.

Reason 4. Dissatisfaction

Husbands and wives alike can feel dissatisfied with their marriage and life in general. The other half does not understand, the spiritual closeness has long gone, they have become practically strangers. Everyday problems, loans, difficulties at work, teenage children do not listen, etc. Everything comes together in a clump. This happens especially often during age crises. However, spouses solve this problem in different ways. Women usually immerse themselves in raising children or careers. Men try to prove their worth by having a mistress.

What to do? If both feel dissatisfaction in a marriage, you should not save it, even for the sake of the children. Psychologists recommend getting a divorce and starting a new life.

Reason 5. Dependence on public opinion

Unfortunately, stereotypes are still alive in society that “a normal man should have an apartment, a car, an exemplary and boring family with children and a spectacular blonde mistress.” If those around your husband think in exactly these patterns, the weak-willed one will buy into it and have a passion on the side just for the sake of showing off this connection to colleagues and friends.

What to do? The plus is that there is definitely no love there and never will be. If you need to save your marriage, try to slowly change your husband's environment. Advise to find a new job if the main “catalysts” are colleagues. Introduce him to other families where a man considers it beneath his dignity to cheat on his wife.

These are the reasons that always leave a chance to save the marriage and return your loved one, if you have the strength to forgive him. There are also many other factors that push people to cheat (unexpected passion, financial dependence, complete loss of interest in their wife), but they are deeper and contribute to the fact that men decide to divorce. But this is not your situation, because yours is cheating, but remains with you.

Everything is bad in bed, dissatisfaction

Some women are not yet fully aware of their femininity and attractiveness.

Your marital games in bed may not satisfy your partner.

Not all women are skilled in bed for the following reasons::

The wife is very young and not so experienced .
Some girls are very uptight and do not know how to express their passion and love at night.
Lack of education and limitations in knowledge.
Not all wives want to accept their men's fantasies . A man by nature loves to make his extreme fantasies come true. Some people completely refuse to experiment.

If a man has tried this and that, but it doesn’t change or add variety in bed, out of desperation he may find himself a mistress.

Or even just find a walking girl for one night.

After all, if a wife is very bad in bed , a man can find a girl who is simply better in many ways.

The husband can find that girl on the side who makes him just blow his mind in bed. He will secretly admire her and not tell you.

About a different smell

Not all men know that the wife always recognizes the smell of another woman . Even if her husband took a shower or put on perfume, she intuitively understands and feels everything. The man suspects nothing, but the woman digs into her head and keeps wondering: “Why do guys cheat on their girls?”

And the husband may still naively believe that everything is under control and he is in control of the situation. He does not even suspect that his wife recognized the smell of another.

What to do with recognition?

But it may also happen that the husband admitted to cheating. What to do now with your exact knowledge? Without having any secrets in this matter, some kind of decision will have to be made. How to do this if you love your husband and would like to preserve the relationship by any means? At the same time, you will have to swallow your resentment and, perhaps, give the go-ahead to his further affairs if he understands how dear you are. It should be borne in mind that even if you try to forget about this incident and continue to live amicably and happily, from time to time you will remember this situation when your husband is late at work or asks to go fishing with friends. This worm of doubt will always generate distrust in his words and promises. Is knowing about cheating worth it? Maybe it’s better to leave everything at the stage of doubt? It’s easier to experience it psychologically: either it happened or it didn’t.

Because of the perception “You can change as long as no one finds out”

Because of television and the mass media, the idea that married men are obliged to cheat is implanted in the brain of a young man from birth.

Guys cheat, even though they love their girlfriend, because for them it is considered the norm and a common occurrence, as if in the order of things.

In some families, wives directly make it clear to their partner: “ If you are cheating on me, do it so that I don’t find out .”

They actually voice it and say it, and the spouse remembers and draws conclusions.

Of course, later the wife will regret what she said if the betrayal comes to light.

What to do if you find out about your husband’s infidelity, but he is in no hurry to leave you?

The first thing you need is time. You need to sort out your feelings and understand what really connects you with your husband.
Try living alone for a while. If possible, go on vacation and change your surroundings.
Don't withdraw into yourself and try to maintain open communication with your husband. Talk about your feelings.
Weigh the pros and cons of divorce for you.
If necessary, consult a psychologist so as not to cheat in response out of revenge.
Do not communicate with your husband's mistress.
Shift the focus to yourself. Take care of yourself, and others will begin to treat you accordingly.
Avoid paranoid behavior: Don't spy on your spouse.

To create jealousy or for revenge

Some men are very jealous. They may be motivated by selfish motives for cheating.

That is, even because of a simple feeling of envy or a feeling of inferiority, the husband wants to make his wife jealous.

Another reason could be that the wife spent time with the wrong people or cheated on him at some point.

Then the man will want to fill the hole in his self-esteem and stroke his pride on the side, taking revenge on his wife.

For example, he sees his wife communicating and flirting with other men at some holiday.

Her husband is often jealous of all men in a row.

He remembers all this and is looking for a mistress so that now they will be jealous of him .

I found out that my husband has been unfaithful all my life - what should I do?

The horror is that it seems like your whole life has been a game. Like in the film “The Truman Show” - the whole world is a fake, people are actors. Everyone knows how things really are, but you are the only one who had no idea about anything. It's terribly offensive and embarrassing. I'm ashamed of myself. That she allowed herself to be fooled like that, she was so naive! I allowed myself to wear these “rose-colored glasses.” Why did you believe that, why? Why shouldn't I have believed it?

Why did she have to become paranoid? Check the phone, conduct interrogations. For what? To make a concentration camp out of family life? If the husband decided to cheat, he would still cheat. The problem is not that you didn't look after your husband well. I apologize for the tautology, but the problem is that the husband does not see any particular problem in cheating. For him this is not a tragedy.

Surely every woman has been at least once in a situation where her husband wants intimacy. But you, wife, don’t want to, you’re not ready, you can’t. I have to refuse. That happens. The wife does not see this as a particular tragedy. If it didn’t work out today, it will work out tomorrow. It's a shame, a shame... oh well! Some men approach the topic of betrayal in a similar way. “It’s a shame, a shame... but this means to my wife that I want to leave the family and ruin our life. It just happened that way. Yes, several times."

But for the wife it’s just hell! Not only do you have to get over the fact of betrayal that has already happened. We need to find some kind of support in the future. Somehow start to believe your husband who says that “everything will be fine.” Maybe he will. But how do you know that his “good” coincides with her “good”? It happens that the husband cheated, realized his guilt, realized how much pain he caused his wife, and forever swore off looking at other women as an object of desire. Yes, in these cases everyone lives on peacefully and happily. They go through crises in relationships together, figure things out, talk.

But if over and over again, instead of solving family problems, the husband went “to the left,” the situation cannot be corrected so easily. We must work with the past, present and future at the same time. With both spouses. Your husband sincerely believes that it is your difficulty to survive his betrayal. Therefore, one of the tasks is to show him that everything is just the opposite. Your feeling that the situation is over is his concern.

Male patriarchy

Subconsciously, a man has this belief: “ I can do this with whoever I want, but a girl can’t .” Maybe for girls this will be a shocking answer to the question of why men cheat. But this is how our society works.

That is, in this case, the husband puts his interests above his wife and allows himself to go to the left.

The man thinks that he has some privileges because of the patriarchy in the family.

Also, the reason for the betrayal may be that in childhood the husband’s father also cheated on his wife.

Now an adult repeats the mistakes of his parents.

Reasons for male infidelity and lies

When such a nuisance happens in a family, a woman constantly thinks about the reasons for the betrayal. Why and why did her husband do this to her?

There may be several reasons:

your relationship has become a habit and turned into a continuous routine, tenderness and feelings have disappeared somewhere, instead coldness and even neglect have appeared. And the man wanted passion and vivid sensations;
you are away from each other for a long time. In order to somehow satisfy his intimate needs, he starts an affair on the side;
a man wants to assert himself and does this through victories on the sexual front. He believes that the more ladies he has in his bed, the more of a man he is. Some other representatives of the stronger sex are firmly convinced that for achievements in their careers they are simply entitled to have a mistress;
lack of withdrawal from the spouse. When a woman pays all her attention to children, home or work, and her husband is not included in this circle, he, of course, will begin to look for care on the side;
a woman stops paying attention to her appearance. As people age, they lose their attractiveness, and you can’t argue with nature. Don’t stop caring for yourself, do everything to continue to attract your spouse;
cheating out of boredom. Often men are burdened by constancy: home, work, dacha, children. He just needs to change something in his life, to make it more interesting. That is why he is attracted to another woman;
total control on the part of the wife repels husbands. Men, despite having a family, value freedom very much. But if you monitor his calls, correspondence, communication on the Internet, and if anything happens, you immediately make a scandal, then the husband will definitely not be able to stand it and will begin to seek solace in the arms of his mistress.

Why doesn't he leave his family?

Oddly enough, having cheated on his wife, the husband is not going to leave his family. Why is this happening? There is someone better - go to her. But this question arises more often among women. Men are already fine - they have a family, they have a mistress, why change anything? Moreover, if over the years of his life he built a house or bought an apartment and accumulated funds. He has everything, and now he can enjoy a devoted wife and a passionate and desired lover, whom he keeps at a distance, and this suits him.

Men in most cases are emotionally attached to their legal spouse, and not to their new chosen one. And sometimes this connection does not allow him to take a decisive step. The husband and wife become, as it were, one whole, and somehow I don’t want to break this unity. This is how he intends to live for two families.

There are a number of other factors that keep a man in the family:

children. The fact that a man has a mistress does not mean that he is a bad father. Maybe he is truly devoted to his children and doesn't want them to grow up without a father;
the opinions of surrounding people. Having a certain status does not allow a person to behave the way he wants. Wrong actions can destroy the myth of his ideality, so he is alone in society, but in reality he is a completely cynical traitor to his family;
condemnation of relatives and friends. A man may doubt how these people will perceive his departure from the family. He understands that he will most likely be convicted. And even a strong man doesn’t want to find himself without anyone’s support. He is afraid that his relatives and friends will no longer even shake hands with him, since he betrayed his family;
family coziness, comfort. It is really convenient for them to live in excellent conditions in the circle of a loving, caring family and occasionally meet with a friend in a love nest, where great sex and pleasant emotions await him. But they will feed him at home;
material well-being. Petty, greedy men will stick to their wife until the end, as long as she does not take away all or part of his property during a divorce. He definitely won't like it;
falling in love with a new darling. A man can understand perfectly well that his infatuation with a new lady is fleeting. Such relationships will not last long. So why destroy what is, knowing that the infatuation with your mistress will soon pass, and your wife will always be there.

Selfish motives

The desire to prove to myself and friends “what a cool lover I am”

The reasons for a husband’s infidelity may be the following selfish motives:

Stretch your ego, feel superior . Read more about ego and selfishness in detail on the next page at the link.
Satisfy your libido.
From early childhood there was a lack of female attention. And now, when the man learned that attention could always be had, all he had to do was do something, the man ventures into the unknown.
Because of the desire to assert himself in front of his friends , to gain their approval, so that they would tell him: “Wow! Probably fried?! Wow, man!
He wants to prove to himself that he is capable of possessing other women. After all, this had never been possible for him before.
My husband's friends are bachelors and they always have something to tell about their adventures. The husband also decided that it was time to show off something and went to the left. That is, the reason is to brag to friends.

Advice from a psychologist: how to save a marriage

According to experts in the field of psychology, a woman who finds out about her husband’s betrayal should ask him the following questions:

What doesn't suit him about their relationship?
Why did he decide to cheat?
Why didn't he leave his family?
What does he intend to do next?

Depending on the answers, you will be able to look at the situation through his eyes, understand his motives and reasons. If you are aiming to save your marriage, it is better to conduct the conversation in the presence of a family psychologist. He will help you find a common language and draw attention to what you do not notice.

If you cannot discuss the situation together, go to a family psychologist.

By discussing family problems, you can find ways to solve them so that cheating never happens again. Agree to discuss mutual grievances and try to resolve disagreements together.

To restore the old relationship, a lot of work will be required not only on the part of the husband, but also on the part of the wife. Both must change and reconsider their views on familiar things. The main thing is not to “judge” and not to withdraw into yourself.

The woman stopped caring and taking care of herself

Because the husband has already conquered his wife and won her heart. Now there is no one to conquer.

The wife relaxes, and this is what happens to her:

Years later, the wife stops watching her figure; she is already satisfied with her fat belly.
Now she doesn't dress as nicely as before, she wears a kitchen robe and has curlers in her hair.
The sparkle in her eyes, zest and femininity disappeared.
A woman is no longer attractive.

If all this happens, then it is not surprising that the hot beauty from work replaced the wife in bed.

Of course, a woman does not have to always be beautiful, but she must be conscious and confident, radiate love.

We describe in more detail how a woman can become more confident in herself in the next publication.

How to stop a man from cheating

It is easier to prevent a disease than to fight it later. It's the same with betrayal. The main thing is to choose the right way to keep your husband from infidelity, to prevent him from even thinking about it. A man can cheat, and even leave - if you do not maintain a constant interest in the relationship. There are many ways to achieve this, and the main ones are the following:

Try to look beautiful and attractive.

Four out of five men pay attention first to a woman’s appearance. Look after yourself. To do this, you don’t have to visit the spa every day; you can do it on your own. However, going to the salon will also not be superfluous: this way you will not only bring beauty, but also lift your spirits.
Keep your home tidy.
When the apartment is not cleaned, and for dinner there are only semi-finished products, the spouse obviously will not like it. If such a situation is permanent, then the man can cheat, and then leave for his mistress for good.
Learn to wind it up.

Men really like playful and moderately liberated women.
Behave in this way at least sometimes, and your loved one’s ardor will not fade. You don’t need to look like a gray mouse, much less be one in life. Men love to be proud of their beautiful and smart wives in front of their colleagues and friends. Try not to argue with your husband. On the contrary, support him in all his endeavors. It is very important for a man that his wife is not only a great lover, but also a good friend. Don't try to re-educate your spouse. First of all, it’s unlikely to work anyway. Secondly, this will cause a protest on his part – at least internally. It doesn't hurt to sometimes pretend to be a weak woman. Men like to look strong in the eyes of the fair sex. A husband who repairs an outlet or screws in a light bulb in the kitchen almost feels like a knight on a white horse who saved a princess from a dark dungeon. And vice versa: a woman who is too independent can make a man feel useless.
Never control your husband. If you put too much pressure in this regard, a man may change or even leave for another. Give him freedom - within reason, of course.
Make your husband jealous.
Just don't overdo it. Openly flirting with members of the opposite sex can backfire. It is enough to dress up for the next party and behave slightly flirtatiously at it - but nothing more. This way you will attract the attention of other men, and your spouse will feel it and become tense. In addition, this state of affairs will force your beloved husband to look at you differently, appreciate previously unnoticed advantages, and again show interest in the relationship.

Thank you for reading the article to the end! Hello, my name is Yaroslav Samoilov. I am an expert in the psychology of relationships and over the years of practice I have helped more than 10,000 girls meet worthy soul mates, build harmonious relationships and return love and understanding to families that were on the verge of divorce.
More than anything, I am inspired by the happy eyes of students who meet the people of their dreams and enjoy a truly vibrant life.
My goal is to show women a way to develop relationships that will help them create a synergy of success and happiness!

By alcoholic accident

There is one expression that sounds like “saw the night, walked all night until the morning.”

And if men walked all night until the morning with alcohol and surrounded by beautiful women , then a drunk husband by the end of the evening may forget about his wife.

After all, there is an appetizing beauty sitting on it and there is plenty of alcohol around. Then the man cheats because the male gaze sees only girls with a good figure next to him, who also don’t breathe very smoothly towards him.

Because of alcohol, he forgets about the one and only.

He no longer has much control over his speech and actions.

Cheating occurs unconsciously.

This happens both in clubs and at noisy parties, holidays and other drunken places.

Video from the guru

The following video examines the dilemma of why a husband cheats and does not leave the family and his wife. In his opinion, this is due to a lack of love. Learn about all the pitfalls in this video.

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How to behave as a wife

In such a sensitive issue, there are so many people, so many opinions. Some people advise cutting from the shoulder and never looking back, some people suggest analyzing the situation more rationally in order to work out your mistakes.

First steps

A frank conversation with your husband will help you decide on your future strategy. First of all, you need to find out 2 things: what happened in your relationship that your spouse started cheating and what makes him still be with you. If you feel that you cannot forgive betrayal, it is unpleasant and painful for you to be near your partner, you need to take a break. It’s not necessary to get a divorce, you just need to separate for a while. If your feelings are so strong that you are ready to fight for your family, be patient, you will certainly need it.

If the husband guiltily admits in a dialogue that he loves another woman, calm down, all is not lost. Yes, you can't stop him from feeling, but you can help him sort out his feelings. After all, if a husband does not love, but does not leave the family, it means that something is controlling him. Basically, this is a feeling of guilt before the legal spouse. So, psychologists advise in such a situation to understand your husband and let him go to someone else. You will be surprised, but this position of the wife often saves the marriage.

What does a mistress do? She plays the role of an ideal woman who always looks stunning, is in a great mood, and is able to satisfy any man's desires. This illusion collapses when lovers return to everyday life from their honeymoon. And now the companion wakes up without makeup, and her borscht is not so tasty, and her pillows are thin, the mood is not always cheerful... And if the wife remains a friend, then sooner or later the mistress’s patience runs out, and goodwill is replaced by hysterics and ultimatums . Then bitterness, melancholy, insight, insight comes to the man. In psychology, this term is called insight. When the husband suddenly realizes that there is no one better than his own wife, and leaving the family was stupid, the job is done.

And at this time, while you are alone, you have to do serious internal work on yourself:

Accept your pain. Allow negative emotions to come out first in order to pacify them later. This is the beginning of a new journey.
Forbid yourself from thinking about your rival or making comparisons with her.
Focus on the positive, let go of resentment.
Live a full, rich life - sports, walks on fresh holidays, meeting with friends.
Don’t look for excuses for your husband’s infidelity, there are none. If you forgive, it means you let go and never return to them.

As soon as you feel the strength that will help you restore (or break) the relationship, everything will go as it should.

How to return your husband to your family

If your husband has a mistress, but does not leave the family, getting him back is easier than it seems. It is enough to analyze your relationships and possible mistakes to further correct your behavior. You are an adult girl, and you know very well that both partners are often to blame for cheating, so it’s time to draw conclusions.

So, why did the spouse fall in love with another woman, why does he cheat? What did he miss about you? Grooming, care, affection, intimate diversity, understanding, trust, tenderness? Maybe you loved House-2 more than your household members and stopped in your own development? Or did you stop respecting yourself and could go to the store in a dirty terry robe? Remember, analyze, ask, write down thoughts on a piece of paper. You must have a clear plan according to which you will act.

What should you do to make your husband look at you with different eyes:

let him know that you have a core;
rest, relax;
listen to your husband’s opinion, do not interrupt him, be able to conduct a dialogue calmly;
take care of yourself;
think positively;
do unusual but right things;
thank your spouse more often;
praise him, give him compliments;
become his friend.

If the husband spends the night with his mistress, but still does not leave the house, we find peace and remember the basic techniques of influencing the opposite sex. This is emotional support, tactile contact (hug, stroking, gentle touch), signs of attention, help and care. Your husband is at home, which means you have the opportunity to feed him a delicious breakfast, massage his shoulders after a hard day, cheer him up with your ease and ease, ask him unobtrusively for help, and then be sure to thank him, etc.

Dear women, remember one thing: there are no right or wrong actions in your life. Any decision you make will become a priori correct, because you will have to move on with it. Psychologists advise listening to your own intuition and not acting impulsively. It’s better to take a break, abstract yourself and imagine your future. The picture you see should determine your current steps and, accordingly, your future life. Don't be afraid of anything - leaving means leaving, staying means staying!

When you can’t forgive the fact of betrayal, decide on a divorce. If a man is decent, he will help the family even after leaving it, and if not, then you need to run away from such husbands even faster!

If there is a child in the family

Parents have a responsibility to take responsibility for the physical and mental health of their children. A child is one of the main reasons why a man, even if he is in love with another, does not leave the family. But is it necessary to sacrifice the child’s psyche and how to control yourself if your husband cheats?

The mother has a double task - to protect the child from stress. Therefore, it is strictly forbidden to pour out your problems to him, to frighten the child with the fact that dad is cheating, leaving, stopped loving him, traded him, refuses to meet, and so on. Distinguish between parent-child and marital relationships, no matter how much it hurts you! You shouldn’t threaten your husband that if he doesn’t stop cheating, he’ll never see his son/daughter again. Otherwise, this conflict will move to a more acute stage.

On the contrary, spend as much time together as possible, let your husband actively participate in your life - go to the movies, study homework, walk in the park, ride bicycles. If a child is happy and shares his warm feelings with his parents, adults remember that the children were the result of their love, which means that everything can still be returned.

Common female mistakes

It is difficult to control your actions when a loved one cheats, destroying the brightest moments. It is especially painful if the husband said that he no longer loves his wife, but at the same time, nevertheless, continues to live with her in the same territory.

Whatever decision the wife makes, she has the right to it. The only thing psychologists urge is to keep your own face.

What absolutely cannot be done if the husband is in no hurry to leave his mistress?

Pretend that nothing is happening. If you turn a blind eye to adultery, your husband will consider it an encouragement and will not even think about stopping cheating. And why do you need the role of a great martyr? Do you think that your husband will kiss your hands for this? No, all you will get is a shattered psyche and physical illnesses that will creep out due to constantly suppressed anger.
Forgive immediately. A man must understand that if his wife forgives his infidelity, then she does it only once! Of course, not right away. First, you must again plunge into the candy-bouquet period, where your husband is obliged to woo you. With dates, flowers, movies, dinners, kisses. But after forgiveness, the topic of betrayal should be closed forever.
Press for pity. Pity breeds contempt and repels men. He wants to see a successful, confident woman next to him, and not a spineless creature who is ready to do anything for him!
Blackmail, threaten. Many wives begin to set absurd conditions: if you leave, continue to cheat, then I will commit suicide/you won’t see your child/I will crash your car/my son has exams, take care of his nerves, etc. If you think that this will sober up your husband and force him to start again love you, then the effect will be exactly the opposite. He will leave anyway, but then he will spend a long time washing your bones with the one with whom he is cheating. Your rival will convince him of the correctness of his choice, because you are obviously a crazy, desperate lady.
Look for a meeting with your lover. For what? Whatever the reason, you will still find yourself humiliated. And if you grab her in the face, you will immediately collapse in this triangle. If a husband stops loving his wife, but for some reason does not leave the family, then he needs a reason. Guilt before your mistress for your behavior is a great opportunity to leave!
To take revenge. A woman thinks that another relationship is a great reason to make her husband jealous. No. Instead, you give the man the green light, and as a result, in addition to the pain of betrayal, you will also be overtaken by disappointment, devastation, and contempt from your own ridiculous behavior.

If the husband already lives with his mistress, but does not file for divorce, wait a minute. Do not play along with your rival, because she is just waiting for one of you to take this decisive step. On the contrary, be calm as a rock, but do not forget about yourself. Become a cat, change places with your mistress - now let them leave her.

Don't involve your parents, children, or friends in the nuances of your discord. The more your mutual friends and family put pressure on him, the more your husband will become defensive.

Why doesn’t the husband say anything and stay in the family?

Let’s close once and for all the question of why men cheat on their wives but don’t leave them. The most common reasons are the following:

He doesn't need all this fuss about dividing property.
He doesn't want to pay child support all his life if he has a child.
He doesn't want to go to court and fill out all this paperwork.
He doesn’t want to disrupt the family idyll.
The husband wants the child to grow up with his father.
He doesn't need quarrels and scandals.
He has a family home where there is security, harmony, food and sleep. Why break it?
It’s so good and cool for him when he can sleep with two girls.
He is satisfied with the current state of affairs.

Why do men cheat on even the best and most beloved wives?

Today, I see this from the huge number of women who have turned to me for help, there is a lack of knowledge on the topic of energies, the subtle plan and there are no skills, the ability to create with the help of thoughts. And so it happens that a woman suddenly falls out of this very harmony that we really need for relationships. No longer accepts himself as an unconditional value. And that’s when the energy exchange between a man and a woman in a loving couple is disrupted. The man says that he loves him and doesn’t want to leave, but at the same time the betrayals continue. Why?

Then, when she cannot nourish him, betrayal begins. How can she feed it if she has nothing to fill herself with, simply no energy? To give something, you need to have it. Remember, like the cat Motroskin: “In order to sell something unnecessary, you must first buy this unnecessary thing.” But in our case, energy is very, very necessary!

Not receiving enough energy from a woman, a man subconsciously begins to feel discomfort, because nothing else fuels him in the usual way. Most often, the lack of energy in a couple begins to express itself in more frequent conflicts. It’s sad, but a woman often sees in them confirmation of her own guesses - I’m not good enough.

And further development of the situation depends on the moral standards of each person, and on the character and on many other things. Some of the men endure, get angry, make claims, trying to return the former “fullness” of energy, but will never decide to take a fatal step and will not resort to betrayal in order to nourish themselves, refuel with it on the side. Although it is possible that he will secretly long for this.

And someone just discovers that such a balance is acceptable for themselves, when he receives the necessary energy by cheating on the side, continuing in a family atmosphere to diligently play the role of a spouse, father, and so on. But, as a rule, for a man such a step as betrayal is not easy.

What to do if a man cheats?

And now it just becomes clear why the path is a dead end when a woman directs all of herself, such as she is, to please a man. It would be more correct to work through your inner world, thanks to women's practices, to fill yourself up so that you can fill your man. Virtuoso sex gives physical pleasure, but not the necessary energy fullness.

Intense care and anticipation of desires creates excessive relaxation in a man and cultivates laziness, but does not bring comfort and harmony to the space. This is because the source is empty. Everything a woman does not out of a state of fullness, she does out of need. Going into minus and leading into a vacuum, into energy hunger, everything she is involved in.

Therefore, the main thing a woman’s attention should be directed to is how to do well for herself. This is not avoiding the problem, this is not a whim, this is the most important and primary thing that needs to be done. Just do it wisely and competently. And it is advisable that they lead you by the hand and show you, explain what’s what.