"Be selfish - it's good for your health." Myths about selfishness that you need to part with

Who is an egoist?

An egoist is a person who is guided in his actions solely by his own interests, without worrying about the inconvenience he causes to others. The word “egoism” (like “egocentrism”) is derived from the Latin “ego” - “I”. This term does not have an exact translation into Russian, but the word “self-love” can be considered a conditional synonym. Selfishness is behavior in which a person’s actions are dictated solely by his own interests. Accordingly, an egoist is one who cares only about himself.

Selfishness is a natural feature of the behavior of most people, formed by evolution. But its scale is different for everyone, and it happens that a person has a consumerist attitude towards everyone around him, including those closest to him. He is not able to assess the consequences of his own actions, and his relationship with his family becomes abnormally consumerist and resembles parasitism.

In fairness, it should be noted that moderate egoism is a natural phenomenon characteristic of everyone. And people who use this term do not always correctly understand who an egoist is and what behavioral features are characteristic of him.

Psychological Egoism

▪️ According to the theory of psychological egoism, every person has one main goal - his own well-being. Its manifestation depends on what a person puts into determining his own well-being. For one it is exclusively personal pleasure, for another it is the health and happiness of loved ones. And in this case, egoism smoothly flows into altruism.

▪️ One of the selfish ambitions devotes himself to religion and strives to convert the whole world to his faith. Another believes that his well-being depends on his internal state and, on the contrary, does not want to share his “treasure”. People are completely different and manifestations of selfishness take different forms. Even self-sacrifice can only be a manifestation of psychological egoism. If a person believes that he cannot live with a feeling of guilt or that he will find peace in another world by giving up his life (for the sake of others) - this is a manifestation of selfishness, although this statement sounds paradoxical.

Love for another person: a spouse, parents, a man, a woman, or even one’s own children is also a kind of selfishness. After all, we strive to feel loved, which can only be achieved by showing mutual feelings. A self-centered person only absorbs the love of others as long as possible. Its donors are those who are ready to give this feeling (yes, also for their own selfish reasons).

▪️ As soon as the victim realizes that he is being used and this will not achieve personal well-being (reciprocal feelings), she leaves him. The line between healthy egoism and egocentrism is thin, it is marked by moral principles. A mentally healthy person understands that observing one’s own interests is necessary for life, but does not overstep the boundaries of education and reasonable behavior.

How to recognize an egoist?

In any situation, an egoist strives to satisfy his own needs, regardless of the interests of the people around him. He doesn't care that he might cause inconvenience or harm to anyone. However, it is usually well camouflaged. Therefore, in order to recognize an egoist, you must first pay attention to such behavioral features as:

• tendency to blame others for one’s own failures;
• inability to listen;
• unshakable confidence in one’s own rightness;
• ignoring comments;
• tendency to brag;
• attempts to manipulate others;
• display of material wealth;
• desire to be the center of attention;
• the tendency to evaluate people by wealth, success, intelligence and other “status” characteristics.

If a person systematically demonstrates several of the listed signs, you have a natural egoist. But there is no need to rush to conclusions after noticing one or two signs. Don't forget that moderate selfishness is the norm, and almost anyone can periodically demonstrate selfish behavior while remaining a responsive and caring person.

What is egoism?

Selfishness is behavior determined by the thought of one's own benefit and placing one's interests above the interests of others. Based on this, we can define the concept of an egoist - a person who worries only about his own interests and does not think about other people. The opposite of egoism is altruism, although modern psychology considers this opposition to be incorrect.

Selfishness

By default, selfishness is one of the characteristic traits of any person and is normal behavior. However, for some, the consumer principle of life goes beyond the scope of normal thinking, then the person is spoken of as an established egoist . With rational or healthy egoism, a person evaluates and understands the consequences of his actions, and with irrational (parasitic consumerism), he acts impulsively and short-sightedly, hoping to get the maximum benefit in any way.

Rational healthy selfishness is normal behavior. It differs from irrational in the following features:

• Performing actions to benefit oneself, taking into account the interests of others.
• Forecasting the development of subsequent events that will entail the actions taken.
• The ability to assess a situation through the eyes of another person and make him want to do something to benefit the other person.
• Caring first about yourself in order to help other people in the future and love yourself first of all in order to give love to others.

If a person thinks only about himself, while committing rash acts in the hope of obtaining dubious benefits and satisfying immediate needs, then this behavior is not normal and leads to negative consequences. A reasonable egoist never behaves like this - he is aimed at long-term gain.

The destructive power of irrational egoism leads to the fact that over time a person will not trust himself and will begin to experience a strong dependence on the opinions of others. He cannot adequately assess his strengths and capabilities, which entails a number of failures. Despite the strong desire to gain profit in any way, in this case it will be useless to hope for success and the help of other people.

Pros of an egoist

Able to distinguish his own goals and desires from others

Many of us tend to be influenced by others. We spend a lot of effort on achieving goals imposed by public opinion, parents or friends. Sometimes we sacrifice our own interests and desires simply because we were asked to help. Of course, altruism is a good quality, but not so much that it allows you to manipulate yourself. Feel free to show selfishness by making choices in favor of your own interests.

Achieves goals more often and faster

Who is an egoist? This is a person who always clearly understands what he wants! A dubious goal cannot be imposed on him, the value of which he does not see. But when solving his own problems, he is ready to act quickly and harshly, without thinking that he might interfere or harm someone. The ability to go ahead makes egoists more successful.

Knows how to say “No!”

Almost every person has encountered a situation in life when they were unable to respond in time to say “no” to an unwanted offer or request. Egoists know an excellent way to rid themselves of other people's worries: if consent obviously does not bring benefits. They simply answer “No!”

Ethical Egoism

▪️ The definition of ethical egoism is one of the most controversial in this topic. It is believed that each person should pursue his own interests, and the totality of interests of people in society thus becomes an incentive for the improvement of society as a whole. But this theory is utopian and is possible only in some ideal world, where all aspirations are subordinated to one goal.

As an example, we can cite the socialist system, and especially the one that now exists in the Asian region of our planet. Probably everyone is familiar with common moral values, standards of material well-being and other signs of socialism. Such egoism can only exist in an artificially created space.

▪️ In order to look after your interests and strive for personal well-being, thus developing the entire society, you need to think the same way. This can only be achieved through total propaganda and education of an entire generation (and possibly several generations) of people with a certain way of thinking.

▪️ In a normal state, ethical egoism is impossible, since there is a constant clash of interests even at a small, everyday level. As an example, we can take the behavior of different groups of people - motorists, pedestrians and cyclists. Their interests are in constant conflict and interaction is possible only by observing strict rules. Complete and absolute well-being for each of these groups is possible only with the elimination of competitors.

The theory of ethical egoism does not tolerate compromise, but in real life this is impossible. Therefore, the concept of ethical egoism is considered untenable and rather theoretical.

Cons of an egoist

Problems with socialization

It is more difficult for a selfish person to get close to people. He rarely becomes the “life of the party”; he is bad at establishing relationships with colleagues and making friends. Usually his social circle consists of a small number of not particularly close friends.

Inability to build personal relationships

It is difficult for an egoist to build romantic relationships. Even if there are sincere feelings between him and his potential “soul mate,” his behavior interferes with rapprochement. He takes into account only his own interests, makes excessive demands on his partner, does not ask his opinion, tries to amaze him with his “exclusivity” and almost never gives compliments.

Lack of people willing to help

Anyone can need help. And the egoist has the hardest time in such a situation. He has few close people. In addition, the egoist believes that each person should cope with difficulties on their own, without asking for help.

Types of selfishness

Irrational egoism is divided into several types. It includes the types indicated in the table:

With healthy rational egoism, a person is demanding and kind, he does not allow them to manipulate and drain energy from him. He lives for himself, but does not interfere with others. He is respected in society for his independence and self-sufficiency. With selfishness or narcissism, it is impossible to build productive relationships with other people, since a person initially considers himself superior to others, but needs praise and approval.

If narcissism or selfishness is a moral aspect of personality, then egocentrism is a special character trait. Thus, an egoist neglects the opinions of others not because he does not hear or know them. He puts his interests above others because he considers himself better.

The meaning of the word egocentrism is different from selfishness. An egocentric person sincerely does not realize that there is a different point of view, and the interests of the people around him may be different. He is used to living by putting his own interests above all else, and simply does not know that his behavior sometimes hurts others and causes harm. Egocentrism is often characteristic of children and adolescents.

Reasons for selfishness

Selfishness is a character trait that develops in childhood. Most often it is a consequence of a number of typical mistakes made by parents:

1. Possessive attitude
   . Parents treat the child as property and do not consider him as a person. They do not teach him independence and responsibility, as a result of which he grows up to be a capricious egoist, inclined to blame others for his mistakes.
2. Excessive care and boundless love
   . Often parents simply do not allow their child to become independent, caring for him until adolescence. As a result, he grows up to be a selfish and dependent person, unable to adequately assess reality and take into account the interests of others.
3. Selfish attitude
   . By setting a bad example, you can raise an excellent egoist. If parents are not interested in their child’s life and constantly tell them how hard it is for them, then the child will grow up fixated exclusively on his own problems.
4. Lack of attention
   . Today, parents spend less time with their children, allowing them to have fun on the Internet and play computer games from an early age. Of course, such a child will not receive basic communication skills and normal social interaction.

Theory of reasonable egoism

▪️ In the modern world, saturated with new technologies and a relatively easy life, there is a place for such a phenomenon as reasonable selfishness. The idea of ​​rational egoism has a long history. It appeared in the era of ancient thinkers, and Socrates’ student Aristotle paid attention to it. He viewed this type of selfishness as one of the components of friendship.

▪️ Later, other great minds of humanity, Helvetius and Feuerbach, asked this question. Each of them had their own theory regarding this phenomenon. Our compatriot Chernyshevsky plunged deeper into this topic than others. He considered personal egoism as the degree of his usefulness as a whole. It follows from this that when personal, social, corporate, and universal interests collide, the last ones listed are of greatest importance.

What rational egoism is from the position of religion is pure heresy. According to Chernyshevsky's theory, reasonable egoism is selfishness. This is the main motivation for action. Reasonable egoism is based on the belief that any actions or thoughts are aimed at personal good. However, according to the same theory, the interests of each individual person should not contradict the public. He admitted that even in self-sacrifice one can also discern a flash of selfishness.

▪️ The term “New People” appeared thanks to this writer. According to the basic concept, qualities such as unselfishness, charity and mercy are completely meaningless. They have the right to exist only when they are beneficial to their owner in one sense or another. That is, they cannot exist on their own, only in conjunction with moral satisfaction, increased self-esteem, or the ability to monetize them, gain profit or fame.

What kind of egoism can be called reasonable?

✔️ Nowadays, the theory has undergone some changes and began to be perceived differently. From the point of view of modern psychology, reasonable egoism is the ability to find a compromise between one’s capabilities and the needs of others, without harming oneself. At the same time, each person is guided by self-love. If earlier this feeling was considered shameful, now society has accepted it as a necessity.

✔️ However, self-love has boundaries set by society. A reasonable person understands that by pursuing only his own interests, he will create many problems. This is why the self-restraint mechanism works. But even limiting himself for the sake of others, a person acts exclusively in his own interests. That is why this phenomenon is called rational egoism.

How to deal with an egoist?

In personal life, selfishness is guaranteed to become the cause of groundless accusations and quarrels. Building a relationship with a selfish person is extremely difficult, but this is not a reason to refuse the opportunity to be with your loved one. To learn to avoid unpleasant situations, you need to clearly understand who an egoist is and how he perceives the world around him.

We bring to your attention some tips from psychologists, using which you can get along even with an extremely selfish person:

1. You can't just walk away from an egoist
   . If the relationship is not satisfactory, it is usually broken off. But it’s not so simple - if you try to leave him, you will find yourself to blame for all his problems. And don’t hope that he will rethink anything or understand and call you back. Instead, he will colorfully tell mutual acquaintances and describe in detail on social networks how you betrayed him and abandoned him. Therefore, there are only two options: find a way to adequately break off the relationship (at the initiative of the egoist) or seek a compromise.
2. Don't try to re-educate an egoist
   . You will spend a lot of emotional energy trying to re-educate, but you will not get any results. Selfishness is established in childhood, and trying to correct this deficiency in an adult is practically useless. It is better to change your own attitude towards your partner and always be prepared for the characteristic features of his behavior.
3. Try to influence not the character of the egoist, but his attitude towards you
   . Demand more attention and respect from him, explain what characteristics of behavior you do not want to tolerate. Gradually, he will get used to taking your interests into account and learn to restrain his own selfish nature.
4. Demonstrate mirror selfish behavior
   . Let him feel how unpleasant the selfishness of a loved one is. Behave indifferently, do not put unnecessary obligations on your shoulders. If your partner demands more attention from you, but refuses to change, perhaps the only reasonable option really is separation.

If you have to live with an egoist, it is important to build the relationship correctly and maintain a reasonable balance. Discuss mutual obligations, agree not to blame each other, but to jointly find a solution to any misunderstandings that arise. When dealing with an egoist, it is important to avoid quarrels, accusations and claims. By learning this, you can build really strong relationships without unnecessary negativity.

How to recognize an egoist?

► If we are talking about primitive, and not reasonable, egoism, then interaction with its owner can turn into troubles, and sometimes even tragedy. Therefore, information on how to recognize a “terry egocentrist” will be useful to you. This is especially true for those who do not understand people well and suffer from their own gullibility.

7 hallmarks of an egoist

1. A selfish person does not show interest in others; he is only animated by his own person. This is clearly visible in conversation.

2. For him there are no other points of view. All positions except your own are wrong.

3. An egoist gets nervous when another person devotes time and attention to himself. If we are talking about a couple, then everything should be subordinated only to his interests.

4. Such a person does not skimp on criticizing others. The target of humiliating remarks can be anyone except himself.

5. Egoists are skilled manipulators. They actively use threats and blackmail to get what they want.

6. Categorically divides responsibilities based on gender and makes derogatory comments about members of the opposite sex, showing discrimination.

7. Indulges his own whims and whims, spends money on expensive trinkets, saving on his girlfriend/boyfriend. Or he makes expensive gifts solely for the purpose of showing off, without taking into account the preferences and desires of the person to whom he presents them.

What's wrong with selfishness?

We come to the key question of why - selfishness is bad, I will give the arguments below, and it is also worth listing the positive aspects of selfishness.

Disadvantages of primitive egoism:

• The egoist lives only for his own pleasure;
• Manipulates other people;
• Does not value attachments if they do not bring benefits (moral, material);
• Disregards the interests of others;
• Can deceive, set up, let you down at the most inopportune moment;
• It is difficult to communicate with egoists;
• The manner of communication among egoists is dismissive and arrogant;
• Can ridicule the interlocutor, humiliate him;
• Capable of transgressing moral and ethical standards for the sake of his interests.

Pros of healthy selfishness:

• Adequate self-esteem;
• The ability to value yourself;
• Self-esteem;
• Ability to manage time rationally;
• Correct prioritization;
• A reasonable egoist takes care of his health and comfort;
• Finds a compromise between his needs and the interests of society.

Both lists can be continued and developed; here are only the main nuances of the behavior of the two types of egoists. As you can see, they are the opposite of each other. Which one to choose depends only on you.

Philosophy of egoism

Egoism from the point of view of philosophy
We live according to different earthly laws, observing them or not. One of these laws talks about equilibrium. Only by giving something can a person count on receiving a return benefit for himself. If for some reason a person does not balance these values, then this indicates opposite life positions: altruistic or egoistic.

People save their life potential and energy - this is inherent in nature. Some achieve this goal by infringing on the interests of the people around them. This is called selfishness.

Often the balance of giving and receiving is disrupted simultaneously. For example, a person is trying to squeeze through to the checkout without waiting in line or grabs the last pie from the plate. Then such people are tormented by their conscience - this cannot be called selfishness. But, if such cases are the norm for a person and his life position is “wanted and took” no matter what, this is selfishness.

Is it good or bad to be selfish?

Analyzing the pros and cons of egoism, we note that any type of personality is strengthened in society if it has advantages. Otherwise, such a life attitude would have disappeared long ago under the influence of social selection.

The negative attitude of people towards egoists is largely far-fetched. Trying to answer the question “what is an egoist,” the authors still point out in most cases the negative aspects of this type of personality. But is this fair? Perhaps people often become selfish because life experience tells them so? Is there a reasonable explanation for this?

Advantages of egoists.

Selfish behavior has benefits, especially in the short term. A striking example is the Prisoner's (Bandit's) Dilemma. According to her interpretation, if criminals are caught, each of them will most likely choose the path of betrayal rather than cooperation. Let's say the police were able to detain two suspects at the crime scene. There are four possible scenarios. If both remain silent, they will get a maximum of six months. If one confesses and rats out the other, he will be released as a witness, and his partner will be sentenced to 10 years. The second one can do the same if he is ahead of him. When both confess, they will receive two years in prison.

Of course, cooperation is more profitable, but selfishness also has advantages. It either guarantees immediate benefit or minor inconvenience. If one of the bandits shows altruism and takes all the blame upon himself, he will save his partner, but will cross out his own future. Thus, selfishness is completely justified , since by helping others, especially to the detriment of oneself, a person wastes his own time and resources. There may be no gratitude for this; moreover, cases are common when good is answered with evil.

Disadvantages of egoists.

Still, selfishness is not without its drawbacks, especially if we talk about the long term. The fact is that altruists enjoy great authority in society. They are welcome everywhere. It is easier to cooperate with such people, make friends, and create a family. And in general, according to the principle of feedback, kind people receive more positive feedback than evil and selfish people. Therefore, egoism complicates human socialization.

Again, there are different types of egoists . Those who live according to the consumer principle, on the contrary, are even encouraged by modern mercantile society. If we are talking about parasitic type egoists, then all kinds of parasites and “dynamists” will never become popular. They may ingratiate themselves, but they will gradually be exposed and gain notoriety, which will complicate further attempts to find a new “sponsor” and source of income.

Selfishness and mental health.

Some mental health problems can contribute to the development of selfishness. Many personality disorders, especially antisocial and narcissistic, cause people to become so consumed by their own desires that they either fail to notice or do not care about the needs of others. Many other mental illnesses can cause excessive self-involvement, which can contribute to selfishness. For example, a depressed person may be so consumed by their own feelings of distress that they are unable to provide for their children or communicate with their partner.

Egoists and egocentrics

Egoism has been dealt with a little. Egocentrism is a concept introduced into psychology by a Swiss philosopher

Jean Piaget, is a philosophy of life of people who are busy only with their own desires, interests, feelings, goals, and with complete disrespect for other people's boundaries and the inability to imagine themselves in the place of others. For people who care only about their experiences, there is a huge gap with the realities of life. And those who have such a special worldview consider themselves to be always the center of attention, and everything around them should revolve around them.

Egoistic and egocentric approaches, what is the difference between them? These are actually different concepts.

Egocentric people are so focused on their own person that they are simply unable to retain in their memory information about others, their feelings and experiences, and desires. They cannot show sympathy, empathy, look at situations from a different perspective, or love unselfishly. Their consciousness does not allow anyone else into it.

An egoist is well aware of his aspirations and what is valuable to other people, but his interests still come first. It is not comfortable to be around such people, although at first they may seem very charming and sociable. However, they give themselves away as soon as it comes to caring for other people. You should not expect help, support, or even understanding and sympathy from these individuals in difficult moments. Their ego is occupied with the main mission - taking care of themselves. And everyone else will wait.

The difference is that:

• For an egocentrist, the world around him is part of it, and an egoist is a person who uses everything around him solely to satisfy his own needs;
• Egocentric people feel comfortable alone with themselves, they do well without interlocutors, but an egoist needs company, they need care and attention from others;
• Egocentric people live on their own. The egoist is a masterly manipulator of others.

As you can see, there is a difference. These are two completely different concepts. It is believed that an egocentric personality is more destructive to others.