Family life cycle - stages of development, ideal family, parents

The life cycle of a family in psychology is determined from the moment of marriage until the termination of the existence of a small unit of society. Each phase of the cycle is characterized by its own development features, problems, crises and, accordingly, ways to overcome them. Understanding the dynamics of family formation, it is easier to regulate the vector of prosperous coexistence of all its members.

Features of family psychology

The psychology of marriage development is characterized by the presence of the following components:

1. Legend. Partially altered family history, distorted to maintain the myth of a prosperous family image. The legend is consciously perceived as a lie, maintained for the sake of creating an external successful image.
2. Myths. Unconscious family agreements leading to the creation of a family image. The family myth is an inadequate image designed to overcome the crisis of unity.
3. Scenario. Patterns of relationships that are passed down from generation to generation, encouraging children to repeat the family script of their parents. Patterns can change if all family members are willing to accept the new behavior.
4. Story. A chain of important life events occurring in a family over several generations. Relevant when considering family conflicts created by the repetition of dysfunctional behavioral patterns.
5. Rituals and traditions. Marriage gives people a sense of security, which is also ensured by the observance of rituals. A family ritual or tradition is some kind of action in which all family members take part. This promotes cohesion, reduces anxiety, and stabilizes the internal systems of the family.
6. Values. Accepted family norms of behavior and moral guidelines constitute a set of family values. They may be consistent with or conflict with accepted public policy values.

Family aspects are characterized by close interweaving, interaction, and mutual substitution. Family functioning depends on the adequate development of the spouses’ personalities, communication skills, and general family goals.

Common causes of intra-family conflicts

Marital relationships are often accompanied by various kinds of misunderstandings. It may be caused by the following reasons:

• partners have a low level of psychosexual compatibility;
• one of the spouses does not feel respect from the partner, his self-esteem is infringed, and any important needs are not satisfied;
• lack of care, love, attention, etc.;
• egocentrism of husband or wife;
• lack of mutual understanding in matters of housekeeping, raising children and other abstract issues;
• dissimilarity of hobbies, worldviews, lack of common values ​​and guidelines.

Family relationships can be influenced by external factors. For example, the process of alienation can be facilitated by the constant employment of a wife or husband, instability of financial situation or its sharp deterioration, lack of own housing, etc.

The dynamics of family relationships may depend on what stage of development the marriage is at. During periods of crisis, the number of factors influencing the development of relationships increases.

Functions of family relationships

Function is a psycho-emotional action necessary for the normal functioning of the family. Types of family functions include:

1. Emotional. Fills the natural need for acceptance, approval, affection, respect, emotional support, security. Spouses create a psychological climate by showing positive emotions towards each other.
2. Educational. Satisfies the parental needs of spouses, allowing them to realize their desire to give birth and raise children, and to realize themselves through procreation. Prepares children for subsequent socialization and self-realization in society. Parents perceive their children as extensions of themselves.
3. Spiritual communication. Expressed in spiritual enrichment, expressed through joint leisure activities.
4. Sexually erotic. Satisfies the physiological needs of spouses, regulates intimate relationships between husband and wife, and in the long term leads to a feeling of satisfaction due to the appearance of children in the marriage.
5. Household. Fills a person’s need to have a minimum level of everyday comfort, food, and other material goods. Mental and physical health largely depends on the implementation of this function.
6. Primary social control. Regulates behavior within the framework of accepted social norms, acting as a way to prevent deviant forms of interaction. It is especially important to maintain social control over individuals who, due to age, clinical or other reasons, are not able to independently regulate behavior.

By implementing family functions, spouses satisfy their needs and help their partners satisfy them. An ideal marriage allows husband and wife to develop in parallel, as a couple and as individuals.

Types of Family Structure

Family structure is based on the peculiarities of interaction between all family members.
The structure is characterized by hierarchy and type of interpersonal connections. Normally, connections should be sufficient to create a strong relationship, but not become too close. Excessive close distance (symbiosis), as well as distant distance (fragmentation) leads to the development of inadequate forms of relationships. Structurally, there are 2 types of hierarchy in the family: authoritarian personal dominance and alternating change of government between partners. In most couples, the dominant role is played by the man, taking on the functions of a protector involved in the financial well-being of the family. Maintaining the home and raising children falls almost entirely on the wife, and the obligation to work is removed. Modern families are partially moving away from the dominant culture, choosing dual power - a change in leadership roles. In modern families, the wife can play the dominant role, and the father raises the children.

With a harmonious distribution of responsibilities, all family members are in emotional comfort, basic needs are satisfied. In case of imbalance and overload of one of the partners, disharmony develops, this becomes the impetus for quarrels, misunderstandings, and further divorce.

Stages of the Family Life Cycle by Jay Haley

The stages of the family life cycle, proposed by family therapist Jay Haley, are very common in psychological practice. Each of them is characterized, among other things, by the presence of a certain crisis.

Many families stop at some stage, some skip one or more. In addition, each stage has its own problems and tasks, the failure to solve which can lead to a crisis in the family.

Courtship period before marriage

This is a period that lasts until people begin to live together.

The main tasks here are self-determination of family members with their status. In addition, achieving independence in terms of finances and emotional maturity is taken into account. The crisis here is that some people cannot get married or they cannot create close relationships.

Peculiarities:

• the individual gains independence and moves away from his parents;
• attempts begin to build relationships with the opposite sex, develop the ability to love, search for a partner for marriage;
• obtaining a profession, independence in terms of finances.

Marriage without children

This is the period that begins from the moment they live together and lasts until the couple has their first child.

It is important to agree on a lot of things here: when whose parents come to visit, how this happens; framework for receiving joint guests; how to spend time and much more. If these agreements do not occur or they cannot take place for some reason, conflicts begin. Moreover, young people can sincerely love each other, but not be able to negotiate. This is the crisis of this period.

Peculiarities:

• development of a common way of life and values ​​in the family;
• establishing a leader in a pair;
• distribution of functions in the family, responsibility for their implementation;
• organization of leisure;
• developing a “WE” position, planning common goals in life;
• establishing certain relationships with the parents of each partner.

Marriage with young children

This is the stage when the first, second or third child appears. The family is expanding. When the eldest child reaches adolescence, it ends.

It is important to adapt to the new way of life. Previously, the wife cared only about herself and her husband, but now someone appears to whom she begins to pay attention with renewed vigor. Therefore, the main thing is not to confuse marital and parental roles. A woman must clearly understand that she is not only a mother, but also a wife (this is more often characteristic of women - men rarely confuse such role positions).

Another important point here: when a child goes to school, the thought arises whether or not to give birth to further children. And this could cause a crisis.

FAQ

Below are answers to the most frequently asked questions by our readers.

What is a nuclear family?

The concept is usually applied to families consisting of parents and children or only spouses. This implies that only the relationship between spouses and their children takes place. Parents of spouses are not considered as elements constituting the concept. That is, in the case when a couple and children live together, this is a nuclear family. If the parents of at least one of the partners live with the spouses and their children, the concept is not used.

Do ideal families exist?

Yes, but for each person the concept of an ideal family is different. It's about cultural, national, religious characteristics and more. For some, for example, polygamy is the norm, while others cannot even imagine the very possibility of living with several partners. And this is just an example: try asking your friends or parents what they see as an ideal family. The answers will vary almost exactly.

What does an ideal family mean?

It has already been repeatedly emphasized that such families do not exist. More precisely, they exist, but the concept itself is abstract. Therefore, we propose to talk about happy families. In them, each member is happy and has the opportunity to satisfy all their needs: in communication, in activities, in business, in hobbies, sexually and more.

Why is it so important to have a family?

The institution of family is one of the most important from a social point of view. But not everyone and not always realize the real importance of family as such. In it we do not just give birth and raise children or share household responsibilities. This is not the only function, although it is one of the main ones. In some families, people not only love each other, but also do the same thing. They may unite for other reasons. The characteristics of these reasons determine the importance of family for a particular person. It is here that each of us can find support and understanding at any time.

What is a family, according to children?

For children, the family circle is the place where they grow, develop, and receive their first ideas about what life is and how to behave in certain situations. For them, both mother and father are the most important people. Even when they become teenagers and leave their home, the importance of their parents for them does not diminish. Children most often associate their families with: • relatives and friends; • love; • happiness; • support and understanding.

What types of family are there?

There are many classifications. They are based on different criteria. For example, according to the form of marriage, monogamous and polygamous families are distinguished, and according to the structure of family ties - nuclear and extended. According to the criterion of residence of spouses, the following are distinguished: • patrilocal families (spouses live with the husband's parents); • matrilocal (spouses live with the wife's parents); • neolocal (live separately). There are matriarchal (female-dominated), patriarchal (male-dominated) and egalitarian (based on the principles of equality and partnership) families.

What is the most valuable thing in a family?

Everyone decides for themselves. But it should be understood that none of the family values ​​would exist if it were not for close people. Therefore, any value literally comes from the people you love.

Family stages according to E. Duval

The life cycle of a family consists of eight stages, which are based on two functions of the family - educational and reproductive. These stages depend on factors such as the presence or absence of children in the family, as well as their age. So, the crisis in the family by year can be as follows:

• The period of family formation, at this stage there are no children yet (0-5 years).
• The period of childbearing when the age of the firstborn is not older than three years.
• The next period is when children become preschoolers, the age of the first child is no older than 6 years.
• A family with school-age children, the first-born is no more than 13 years old.
• The period when children become teenagers. This period of time assumes that the oldest child is between 13 and 21 years old.
• A family that “releases” children from their nest into adulthood.
• The next period is when the husband and wife enter adulthood.
• The final stage is the aging family.

These stages can be considered basic, but certainly not the only correct ones. Not every married couple can be considered through this classifier. Still, absolutely every family is individual and there are many family groups, the relationships in which cannot be attributed to any of the classifications known to us.

In any case, no matter what the family is, no matter what specific characteristics it has, at a certain stage of the life cycle it faces difficulties and crises typical of the current stage. We all know that being informed means being armed. Knowing these stages of crises will help you cope with them much faster and easier. If the situation is too complicated, then it would not be a bad idea to contact a family psychologist. In Moscow this will not be difficult.

Children growing up

This stage is not as difficult as the initial ones, because the children have already grown up. They are preparing to leave their parents' home and start a separate life. Here is graduation, and admission to university, and first love. And at this very time the parents realize that even if they lived in this family for the sake of the children, now there is nothing keeping them together. Very often this period is the last in the history of the joint life of two partners. Why? Because they are freed from caring for the child, because children can take care of themselves. Practice shows that one of the spouses at this time can have an affair on the side, because married life has already become boring.

This situation is fraught with the fact that a man may have time to start another family and even give a child to his mistress. During this period, he may even try to leave the family forever. The homewrecker is usually 15 years or even more younger than him. But that doesn't stop them. At this stage, the number of couples who turn to family psychologists increases. This is a good sign, because people are trying to maintain a favorable family climate or at least friendly relations while living under the same roof.

First crisis - young family

The first crisis awaits the young family. It is not for nothing that the year since the wedding is popularly called the “Cintz wedding,” which implies the fragility and vivid diversity of the spouses’ relationship. The dissimilarity of characters, habits, and principles create a kaleidoscope of happy moments and “grinding” quarrels. The same phenomena occur in civilian families. Sometimes this cycle stretches to five years.

What happens more will determine what the exit from the first crisis period will be. Negotiations and agreements are the main weapon at the stage of a developing family in order to achieve harmony. If you manage to find compromises, learn to smooth out contradictions, stop in time when anger begins to speak, not reason, help each other, and not infantilely shift responsibilities, then family life will transform into a new quality.

Infatuation as the beginning of a relationship

This period is perhaps the brightest and most memorable of all married life together.
After all, people here are just beginning to get to know each other. In relationships at this stage there is passion, attraction, tenderness, and love. Such fireworks of emotions not only brighten up everyday life a little, it turns everything upside down. There are no flaws here, only advantages, because passionate people practically do not notice anything around them, only the pleasant and good. But this stage is short-lived. As a rule, it lasts up to a year, and this is provided that during this time the couple does not move in together. And then both of them suddenly open their eyes.

The birth of the first child

The birth of the first child is considered a difficult turning point. When a family moves from a childless couple to the status of a full family, the concentration on each other is broken. And building relationships in which a new participant has appeared requires wisdom and patience on both sides. For this, it is important that the emotional attachment of the spouses develops into friendship. Otherwise, everyone will focus on their own problems and complaints.

Sometimes a woman believes that she will receive the lack of love from her husband from her baby. But, faced with the responsibilities of a mother, she becomes depressed, realizing that she has to “give” more again. Therefore, the birth of a child should be approached carefully and together prepared for a new stage in the family.

How to cope with a family crisis

If you realize that your couple is going through a crisis, this is half the success in getting out of it successfully. How to cope with a family crisis and take relationships to another level?

Communicate. Talk through all the problems and mutual complaints one by one. State the general rules and distribute responsibilities. Come to a compromise, that is, to a result that suits everyone. Know how to apologize if you realize you made a mistake. Learn to forgive. If you are not ready, then instead of ignoring, explain your condition and reschedule the conversation. Don't criticize your partner in front of witnesses. When expressing complaints, avoid insults and generalizations. Don't provoke your partner. If he is already stressed, help him. Don't do anything rash. Avoid hasty decisions. Look at your partner with new eyes, find new points of contact. Contact a psychologist.

Only with the cooperation of the spouses, the mutual desire to preserve the relationship and transfer it to a different quality, do they emerge from crises renewed and united. Don't give up, work on yourself, do your best in every life cycle to maintain a happy family. To be winners, not losers.

Crisis of 3 years

Which occurs when the child reaches three years of age. At the stage of families with preschoolers 3-6 years old, mothers return from maternity leave to work. In addition to household responsibilities, professional ones appear. New stresses arise on both spouses. The feeling that there is simply no personal life leads to depression and nervousness.

The baby is acclimatizing to kindergarten. The introduction of a nanny or grandmother into the family also entails a number of issues: the problem of uniform requirements for the child’s behavior, preparation for school, preschool development.

Rebuilding your lifestyle in this cycle without succumbing to natural stress is not an easy task, but it can be done. If you realize that it will become easier when everything “gets on track.” Control negative emotions, give in to each other, conduct dialogues and strive for harmony. Friendship should transform into respect and complete acceptance of a partner with all his shortcomings.

The appearance of children and their upbringing

Usually, before the third anniversary of marriage, a couple has their first or even second child. As a rule, in families, the mother takes more responsibility for the child, since the father continues to “be in the ranks”, earning money.
There is a very high probability of divorce here, since the nerves of a young woman, now also a mother, sometimes simply cannot stand it, because she is alone at home all the time with a small child in her arms. Apart from the store, the clinic and the playground, she practically doesn’t go anywhere. Who might like this? Moreover, if she previously led an active lifestyle.

She nags her husband all the time about trifles. And he, in turn, tries to spend more time outside the home, which is fraught with the appearance of a mistress and the collapse of the family. Therefore, you just need to endure this period, because it is not forever.

And now the children have grown up and gone to kindergarten or school. By this time the woman had already returned from maternity leave and had settled into a rut. It became easier for my husband financially, because now there is more income.

In the family at this stage, everything has already “settled down”: adults have become accustomed to each other’s oddities, children have appeared, and they, as a rule, only unite the family. But if problems exist between spouses, then the child will not help.

It's much easier for the couple now. They spend fun weekends together and raise their offspring together.

I now have time for friends and other hobbies. Life has regained its colors.

This stage not only gives a little free space, but also promotes the internal development of each of them. By communicating with other people, reading books, traveling, they expand their horizons.

Each of the spouses can already look back, then look at today and ask themselves the question: “Is this how you wanted to live this time?”

Read more: The values ​​of marriage or why start a family

Crisis of couples with children 6-12 years old

A married couple with children aged 6-12 years old attending school - a middle-aged family - realizes for the first time that their firstborn will sooner or later leave them. And spouses have different attitudes towards the prospect of being left alone with each other.

At this stage of life, the crisis stages of family members intersect: the birth of a second child, loss of a job or moving to another place, a midlife crisis in men, illnesses of the older generation.

A child who has reached the age of seven experiences another stage of growing up, which is manifested in behavior. Parents go through a period of adaptation to the independence of a small family member. School loads on children and parents' problem of motivation to study add stress.

An increase in spending adds elements of a financial crisis in the family, which contributes to an imbalance in the system of relationships.

Another reason for the crisis is that the product of joint “nurturing” is on display and the parents’ mistakes become obvious. Checking the effectiveness of upbringing reveals intra-family contradictions and conflicts for outsiders.

Combining career and education is not always possible to harmonize. Distortions affect the state of mind of all family members directly or indirectly.

Ideally, at this stage of full knowledge of each other, true love for the partner comes. But if relationships in previous life cycles have not been finalized, mutual claims do not allow one to act as a “united front” against problems. And most often, in terms of psychological atmosphere, a middle-aged family is the most anxious and turbulent stage of the entire life cycle. Because “satiation” with each other sets in, and a thirst for new sensations and emotions arises.

How to create an ideal family?

The following are tips from psychologists that will help create a happy atmosphere in any family. We will talk about advice in the context of the concept of a “happy family.” The fact is that ideal people do not exist, which is due to different views of different people on family values.

Here are 5 tips:

1. Make joint efforts to solve common problems and tasks facing each of you separately. The first will help to unite and develop the habit of not just living together, but also being a reliable support for each other. The second will ensure a high level of trust, mutual understanding and the ability of each partner to provide each other with all possible assistance. This will have a beneficial effect on the overall family background.
2. Distribute responsibilities. The fact is that competent distribution of responsibilities is a factor that eliminates the likelihood of emotional and other overloads of one of the partners.
3. Coordinate plans with each other. To agree on something that relates directly or indirectly to family matters means to show each other mutual respect, to emphasize the value and significance of the relationship.
4. Give each other as much freedom as you need. Not everyone is not always ready to immediately “throw themselves” into relationships and family matters headlong. There are also people who value personal freedom above any relationship. Over time, they settle down and realize the importance of family, but pressure in any case and imposing restrictions on the other half is bad.
5. Give up pride that is inadequate to the circumstances and always look for ways of reconciliation, even when it seems easier to turn a blind eye, “move on,” or break up. Remember that every new obstacle, every barrier that you overcome together is a new step towards strengthening relationships and creating a happy family.

Do you think that it is wrong for a married couple to live with their parents?

Why not? After all, they only wish the best for their children, and besides, they can help with the child or with housework

0%

Absolutely not! No matter how ideal the relationship with parents is, after a while scandals and reproaches will still begin. A young family should live separately from their parents and gain their own experience

83.33%

It's hard to answer this question

16.67%

Voted: 6

Let us emphasize once again that ideal families do not exist. You should not be guided by vague formulations like “the husband is a businessman, the wife is a housewife” or “the wife must be an excellent mother, and the husband must be able to fix sockets and plumbing.” Everyone has their own ideas, but there are too many false ones. You will understand what an ideal family is when you create one yourself.

Teen crisis

When the eldest child reaches the teenage crisis, most parents begin to have a midlife crisis. The stage of family life with older teenage children is a crisis stage due to the children reaching puberty and the challenges associated with this process. And also with the ongoing physiological and psychological changes of the married couple themselves. Re-evaluating life experiences opens your eyes to missed opportunities. You take your own failures out on your partner. Men can look elsewhere for confirmation of their masculinity and wealth.

Maintaining hierarchy in the family is possible if a flexible system of rules is built and intra-family communication is established.

Children leave their father's house

The stage when children leave their parents' home forces spouses to evaluate their relationship without children. The nature of relationships with children striving for independence is changing. Revising your life routine, changing your habits and rhythm causes tension. This is especially true for non-working women, whose sense of self-worth is undermined if motherhood was their main activity and self-expression. Only the ability to fill the void with other activities will help you survive the crisis at this stage.

Simple rules for building good relationships: advice from a psychologist

The psychology of marriage and family includes some general recommendations, following which you can save your marriage even in times of crisis. To do this you need:

• respect your partner and his relatives;
• regularly show gratitude and attention;
• be able to forgive, give in, compromise;
• not to notice the minor shortcomings of a loved one;
• be ready to engage in dialogue;
• be able to listen to your partner and try to change.

Common goals, developed the same system of values, and tolerance towards a partner will help strengthen the union and survive even difficult periods.



The “empty nest” stage

The “empty nest” stage. 50% of couples divorce when they realize that they no longer have anything to do with each other. Age-related deterioration in health, retirement, and the imminent threat of old age and death cause crisis experiences. The common interests of the spouses can survive them. It's not worth living the life of grown-up children. After all, finally, you can devote all your time to each other.

The loss of one partner is the next crisis of the same life cycle. The solution will be to build new relationships with the families of adult children and grandchildren. Focusing on further work or self-development, hobbies. It is also possible to create a new family.

Additional causes of family crises:

• Treason.
• Change in income level. And even if they grow.
• Serious and long-term illnesses.
• Change in family composition: death of one of the members, arrival of parents.
• Changes in lifestyle, sudden changes, moving.
• Force majeure: military actions, political disagreements.

When spouses realize the stages of development of family relationships, there is an understanding that feelings do not pass away, but take on a renewed form. Each cycle has its own meaning. No strong relationship is possible without crises. By going through them, a person becomes mature, grows spiritually and hardens.

Crisis management is about changing to fit the role in new circumstances and helping your partner accept these changes. To emerge from a family crisis to a new level of mutual assistance and understanding by establishing relationships that are appropriate to the situation. If partners do not want to change, then alienation increases with every tension and will inevitably lead to the breakup of the family.

Stages of family life and crises

A family, like an organism, goes through cycles: birth, formation, development. Family disintegration can occur at any stage, but is most likely during the transformation of intrafamily relationships to which members of the “social unit” are not ready to adapt.

The family life cycle is the history of family events and relationships. Stages are a set of significant episodes. Back in 1948, psychologists E. Duval and R. Hill spoke about 24 periods of development of family relationships. Subsequently, the cycles were reduced to seven important stages. What do you need to know about natural turning points in family life?

Scenario of the life cycle of an average Russian family

Now you understand what the family life cycle is, and that in general, the interpretation of the stages of the cycle among representatives of psychology and sociology is very similar. Some split the stage in more detail, while others, on the contrary, combine several into one phase.

But everything is not so simple for the average Russian social unit. This aspect is associated primarily with the characteristics of socio-economic development and norms of public morality. If you trace history, you will understand that in most cases, families did not have the opportunity to build their lives independently, separately from older generations and other relatives. Now this situation has worsened even more, since the only chance to live separately is a mortgage, but not everyone can take advantage of it. This left its mark on the formation of family values.

Life cycle of a Russian family

Parents + adult child

Living with their parents, children who have reached adulthood do not have the opportunity to live independent experiences. Thus, they become carriers or receivers of existing norms and rules established by their parents. As a result of such personality formation, children do not know what they can or cannot do on their own, how to act in a given situation, or how to make a decision. They are not able to develop their own rules of life and behavior in society.

The beginning of life together

Meeting parents and other relatives. The proposal is made, the wedding is played. The young people begin to live together. Every day they wake up together for work, every evening they go to bed together. So one year passes day by day, and now they are celebrating their first wedding anniversary. If they survived the whole 12 months together, this is already a big plus.

All this year, the partners got used to each other, learned their habits. But not all couples live this time together. It happens that young people get divorced after the first month of married life. Everyday life and a hot temper work like a match and a can of gasoline. There is an “explosion” of the relationship. Many couples cannot learn to remain silent in situations where it is necessary. Another mistake new spouses make is that each of them “drags” the family model from their own experience. It’s worth forgetting about these words: “But at our house...”. A completely new unit of society begins its life. It is unique, so it is right to start everything from scratch.

Read more: The complex psychology of the relationship between a mother and an adult son: tips