The more you learn about how psychopaths operate (their modus operandi), the better prepared you will be to avoid their manipulation. Previously, we analyzed the three stages of the parasitic lifestyle of psychopaths:
- assessing a person's potential usefulness, weaknesses, and defense mechanisms;
- impression management and manipulation to gain favor and then drain resources;
- relationship breakdown is the stage at which a person ceases to be useful to a psychopath.
We have repeatedly found that in stories told to us in emails, letters, and interviews, many victims were unaware that they were dealing with a psychopath until it was too late.
Despite the fact that all these stories differed in some details, the feelings, attitudes, behavior patterns and consequences described by the victims developed into a certain pattern, or process. Next, we will look at each of its phases through which victims of manipulation go.
Phase 1: The Seductiveness of Psychopathic Fiction
First impressions can be deceiving. Unfortunately, most of us may initially like a psychopath, because undeniable charm, good looks, eloquence, as well as skillful use of flattery and self-indulgence create an attractive image.
However, the impression made by a psychopath is reminiscent of the beautiful cover of a bad book. Unfortunately, there is one difference between books and people: we rarely buy a book without flipping through it or without at least reading reviews, the same goes for buying a TV or a car - you are unlikely to take such a step without first studying their characteristics, but the mask of a psychopath is often taken at face value.
Because psychopaths present themselves in different ways, you may fall for their bait many times. Therefore, it is wise to be cautious (and even suspicious) in at least a general assessment of any new social contact, especially if it has the potential to affect your life in some way.
At a minimum, you should update your first impression of a person as you learn more about them, and have escape routes in case you expose them or become uncomfortable around them.
Phase 2: Forming a Psychopathic Bond
Subtle charm and skillful manipulation can convince you that a psychopath likes you. During long conversations or meetings, he will try to convince you that he shares your beliefs, passions and views. As a rule, this happens unnoticed; in fact, psychopathic manipulation can be so subtle that you will come to the conclusion that your views are similar simply by listening to the psychopath talk about his life.
Of course, all the stories it tells are carefully thought out and tailored to your hot buttons. In almost all the cases we analyzed, what all victims of psychopaths had in common was the desire to find a kindred spirit, a person who shared their values, beliefs and life experiences.
You may feel pleasantly excited, believing that the psychopath actually has sympathy and respect for you. Additionally, you will begin to believe that your relationship with him, personal or professional, will progress.
Many people reported to us that at this stage they shared personal information with the psychopath, believing that his story was truthful and deeply personal. They had no idea that they were being lied to and that most of what they heard was just fiction.
Over time, the psychopath will make you believe that you two are special, unique and destined to be together. These insidious people try to present themselves as ideal friends, employees or business partners. This can require a lot of time and effort from them, and they usually do this in secret. The psychopath's affection, unfortunately for you, is feigned and exists only in your imagination.
Paying attention to the formation of attachment is an excellent preventive measure. Be careful and don't rush to believe anyone's words. Building a meaningful relationship takes time, as well as common sense and careful judgment. If you feel that a person is too good to be true, try to prove to yourself otherwise.
No contacts
The most important nuance is accepting the need to stop any contact with a psychopath. In words everything is simple, in life it turns out differently. The main difficulty in breaking off a relationship with such a person is the possible attachment to him. When your relationship was short-lived, breaking up will not be a problem. If the relationship has been going on for a long time, or an affair has occurred with a business partner, then you need to think carefully about your escape route. First of all, a firm position and confidence in your actions. Therefore, you need to stop all communications and interactions with such a person once and for all.
Phase 3: Complicity in the Psychopath's Game
Once the psychopathic connection is established, you will find that your partner uses your vulnerabilities to gain your submission and strengthen the relationship. Surprisingly, this kind of “tug of war” often strengthens, rather than weakens, such a connection. This is especially true when you, against your will and against your own interests, do what is asked of you in order to maintain a strong connection.
A healthy relationship is harmonious: each participant gives something and receives something. A psychopathic relationship is usually one-sided: you give, and he only receives (money, housing, sex, power, control).
Often friends, relatives and colleagues, seeing what is happening, try to warn you, but you refuse to listen to them. You choose to ignore phrases like “He’s not right for you,” “It’s better to end this relationship,” or “I wouldn’t trust him,” and you may even lash out at your family and friends. Such alienation is only to the advantage of a psychopath, because, having lost support, you will be completely in his power.
If you find yourself in the network of a boss, co-worker or emotional tyrant, try to find external confirmation of your feelings. If you see that your relationship with this person is causing you harm, it's time to end it.
In many cases, family members, friends and co-workers can help you and provide psychological support during the transition. Additionally, if you have been assaulted, you will need the advice and assistance of law enforcement and qualified professionals.
Preserving reputation
