For many people, voluntary solitude is a long-awaited vacation, without which they will face mental exhaustion. A person who loves solitude, left alone, fills his inner world with harmony, puts his thoughts in order, calms down and relieves internal tension.
Why do such people have a different attitude towards seclusion, albeit temporary, do not need communication during this time and avoid even short-term contacts?
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For them, loneliness has a number of advantages:
- Periodically being completely alone allows them to replenish lost energy. Overcome fatigue, prevent the possibility of developing a stressful situation.
- Short-term “withdrawal” is necessary for creative people. They choose voluntary solitude in order to set new goals for themselves or to realize them.
There is no need to assume that people who want to take a break from society are all selfish or antisocial individuals. Most of them also do not have mental disorders.
Loyalty and willingness to help
A loner does not crave the company of others, as many do. But once they love someone and want to be a close friend, they will be the most loyal friends you can find. If they consider you worthy, they will gladly help when necessary and share both grief and joy with you. They show their complicity in all areas of life, be it relationships, work, family...
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Since childhood, people around us have been trying to impose their views on us - unconsciously or, as they think, “with good intentions.” Breaking up with parents partially solves the problem, but there are other people besides mom and dad. Sometimes you need to think carefully about whether vegetarianism is the right thing to do, a conscious decision, or whether you stopped eating meat because you picked up the habit from your ex-husband. Do you really want to go on holiday to Bali or maybe a trip to Lake Baikal would be a lot more fun for you, but everyone says Bali is trendy? Sometimes having even a caring, loving partner around us makes it difficult to understand which of the voices in our head is ours and which is someone else's.
She wants to feel responsible for her life
Due to the historical, economic and cultural characteristics of Russia, there is still a stereotype that a man should not only be the main breadwinner of the family, but also the one who pays the bills, repairs the car and decides where the family will go. on holiday. As a result, a woman sometimes feels that she cannot provide a comfortable life for herself, especially if she lived with her parents before marriage and they made many decisions.
But when a woman exists without a partner and without parental care, she has to do the same as someone else. And it turns out that this is not so difficult in the first place. Secondly, knowing that you know how to prepare the necessary documents for renting an apartment or taking your car in for service, understanding what’s wrong with it and paying for repairs brings satisfaction and gives you confidence in yourself and your abilities.
She recently broke up and wants to take a break from the relationship
Another harmful myth is the belief that a woman, having not had time to break up with one man, should immediately start looking for another so as not to “waste time.” According to scientists, we need at least 11 weeks to recover from a breakup. In case of divorce, this period is one year, if not one and a half. Due to individual characteristics, it can either shorten or lengthen.
But sometimes, even a woman who has more or less mentally recovered, still prefers to put new acquaintances on hold. For example, she is trying to understand whether it was right for her to break up with her ex-partner or whether she should have given their relationship another chance. Or, conversely, she wants to make sure that he no longer plays an important role in her life and that she is ready to move on. Relationships in general take a lot of energy, require constant work on yourself, and after several years of searching for compromises, sometimes you have to restart the feeling of loneliness.
Of course, being in a relationship doesn't have to mean that you only have to go on vacation together and only meet with mutual friends on the weekends. And in general, a lack of personal space between partners is likely to harm them. But from time to time you have to choose between having dinner with your husband’s relatives or going to the concert of your favorite artist: without a reasonable amount of concessions, a respectful relationship is too unthinkable. And when there are children in them - even more so.
If you don't have a family and don't have any obligations to them, there's no shame in being honest with yourself that you like to make plans right now without fear of hurting or upsetting the other person. Weekly trips out of town with friends make you happy, and it's a tradition you don't want to change anytime soon. That you love traveling alone and don't want to worry about offending your partner every time.
She wants to flirt, go on dates and not feel guilty
Flirting helps us feel attractive, lifts our spirits, allows us to escape from routine, and at the same time does not create the tension that arises at the beginning of a romance, when people do not know what to expect and are simply looking for the right approach to each other. On the other hand, dating is a way to not only find a date, but also have fun with a nice person. In general, even a monogamous marriage does not exclude flirting with someone other than your husband or wife: it is there that the couple agrees and what boundaries are defined. But enjoying flirting with your fitness instructor or the neighbor you walk the dogs with in the morning makes it much easier to enjoy your single status without feeling guilty about a partner who could seriously harm your innocent love.
She wonders what kind of relationship she wants and whether she wants one at all.
We live in a time when society is gradually ceasing to be heteronormative and focused exclusively on the classic model of a monogamous family. A woman who has spent her entire life hearing from her loved ones that she should get married and have a child now has many reasons to wonder whether such a plan is really right for her.
It may be that she is more likely to settle for a guest marriage or companionship with the prospect of raising children together, or that she doesn't actually want a permanent partner but wants to meet new people and let them into her life for a while. a short time. It also happens that only after she has ceased to feel the strong pressure of society, a woman suddenly realizes: she did not have relationships with men because she really likes girls. Both accepting your sexuality and the process of figuring out what kind of relationship you want is not an easy journey, and you often have to go it alone.
According to statistics, more than 60% of marriages in Russia end in divorce, of which about 20% - in the first year or two of marriage. Behind the dry numbers are hidden thousands of stories of real people who were forced to endure conflict and a difficult breakup, including because they rushed and created a couple with someone whose values and worldview they actually do not share. However, not only because examples of unsuccessful marriages among friends and acquaintances encourage people to take a more responsible approach to choosing a partner.
Today, women have more opportunities to get a good education, get a job and earn a living. And reproductive technologies make it possible to shift the age of motherhood towards 40 years or to preserve eggs for the future. Thanks to this, we can stay single longer and spend more time getting to know the right person, without fearing that we “will not have time” to start a family or will be left without a livelihood. Unfortunately, this applies more to residents of large cities: in the regions, people’s marriage intentions still largely depend on difficult living conditions.
He likes to live alone
A home in which you feel comfortable and safe is of great value. Especially for those who lived with their parents for a long time and shared a room with brothers and sisters. We worked hard for years, if not decades, to buy an apartment - or rent one that was spacious enough and in a good area.
A separate apartment allows you not to obey other people's invented rules. Throwing items away or vacuuming three times a day is up to you. Turn your kitchen into a space for experimentation, or don't cook at all - even if mom said there should always be soup and chops in the refrigerator. It is not extraordinary that in his personal ranking of priorities another romance is lower than the desire to take care of himself, if full sleep is possible only in solitude, and being in someone else's apartment creates additional restrictions from which he dreamed. so long to get rid of.
This article is posted for educational purposes only and does not constitute scientific material or professional medical advice.
Openness
Even if a person likes to spend most of his time alone, this does not mean that he is closed to the world. On the contrary, introverts tend to be open to new ideas and actions. Singles like to study something interesting, discover new ideas and activities, and are not against experiments, be it innovations in clothing or food. However, introverts will make sure they have time to take a social break before engaging in activities that involve many people.
Is a person who likes to be alone an introvert?
But introverts are people who prefer solitude and are interested in their mental activity, and love to speculate in their spare time. They are especially drawn to philosophy and do not try to hide from real life. By completely immersing themselves in themselves, they accumulate energy.
And although it is much more difficult for an introvert than for extroverts to establish contacts with others, since he is immersed in his own inner world. He cannot be called lazy, he is simply constantly engaged in introspection. Very often, introverts become scientists and inventors, writers or philosophers.
Experts say that pure introverts or extroverts (the opposite personality type) are quite rare. Usually, a person who loves loneliness combines two psychotypes, which are determined by heredity.
Hans Jurgen Eysenck, the author of the factor theory of personality, established that the concept of “introvert” includes several types, emotionally stable or unstable, which correspond to a phlegmatic or melancholic temperament. Their introversions manifest themselves in different ways. In the first case, detachment from the outside world prevails. In the second - unnecessary worries and extreme emotional vulnerability.
A person who loves loneliness and does not like people is called a misanthrope.
Unsociability and hatred of people who experience misanthropes is a pathological psychophysiological property of their personality. At least, this is how some researchers qualify the characteristic features of this psychotype.
Due to a heightened sense of individualism, misanthropes oppose themselves to society. They are distrustful and suspicious, and also unsociable. In rare cases, misanthropy can turn into anthropophobia - fear of people. Misanthropy is common in people with mental personality disorders. They are able to maintain good relationships with individuals, of whom there are not so many in their environment.
Misanthropy can be triggered by a feeling of isolation or alienation from society, contempt for character traits that are typical of most people.
It is quite difficult to define a misanthropic character. But, in some cases, correction is possible.
Time Estimation
Time is extremely important for a single person. They really value every minute - their own and those around them. That is why they will do everything in their power to never be late or waste someone’s time, which they also demand of themselves.
If you want to communicate with an introvert, respect their characteristics, do not cross the boundaries of their personal space, and do not demand excessive attention from them. Then you will see what a loyal friend and open person a loner can be.
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They are lonely!
Does this happen in marriage? - you ask. Unfortunately, this doesn’t happen in marriage.
Single married women come home from work late; there is always a lot to do at work. Especially after six. Among single married women there are a lot of forced workaholics.
There are many reasons: either the boss is a goat, or the subordinates are fools. They are afraid to admit to themselves what really scares them. Noisy home emptiness. Tasteless dinner. The duty “how are you” and the husband, buried in the monitor screen. Some husbands don’t even think about “how things are not ripe”, but only “let’s eat.” This also happens. Single married people are terribly afraid of the weekend.
How does it happen that what was once dear and desired turns into someone else’s and distant? Does this happen gradually or in one day? Can this be avoided? It doesn't matter at all. People change and this is all you need to know about them
Rivers flow, films always end, food spoils, and people change, sometimes irreparably, under the pressure of life's circumstances. They change in such a way that we are not on the same path
People change and that's all you need to know about them.
Rivers flow, films always end, food spoils, and people change, sometimes irreparably, under the pressure of life's circumstances. They change in such a way that we are not on the same path.
Favorite cups break, and sometimes there is no reason to glue them together. Electric kettles fail. Wiring burns out. The autumn coat is torn. Old cosmetics become unusable. It happens. When this happens, we simply throw the trash in the trash.
Nobody tells us: we should have chosen better cosmetics, then they would not have spoiled. You should have been more careful with the cup, then it wouldn’t break... Then why do they often say this about marriage? Why are they condemned? Threatened with loneliness?
We understand that things have their expiration date and their end. We don't make a tragedy out of this. We don’t want to know that about relationships. We try to convince ourselves that they are eternal. We sit on the dried up mummy of the relationship and convince everyone that she is alive.
Can you imagine the horror of the situation when you are rushing home, and there is some strange guy there. Cuts your bread with your knife. It dirty your toilet. Leaves wet marks coming out of your shower. He switches the channels of your TV, filling the silence with only the sounds he needs. And it doesn’t go anywhere!
Moreover, this man also has the right to demand an account of where you have been! This man may demand to be served sexually, he has the right to his slobbery hugs. This man has the right to limit your life, scare away your gentlemen, and not let you go on vacation or on a dating site. This man is preventing you from living and having fun.
Single married women, if possible, taxi with friends to go shopping, to a cafe, or stealthily rush to see their lover. Stealthily, furtively inhaling the fresh air of adultery on crumpled hotel sheets. They constantly look at the phone screen because they are in a hurry to get home. And they themselves cannot explain why they exchanged hot hugs for cold borscht, and the 1349th episode of the series “Trace”. They can't explain why they do this, but I can. They are afraid. They are afraid to be alone.
They paint their lips with lipstick, wear black thongs, run tiredly along the wet sidewalks and don’t understand one thing - they are ALREADY alone.
Their worst nightmare has long since become a reality.
Author – Morena Morana
Dog
These individuals will not be comfortable in the hustle and bustle. And it occurs precisely in companies, in places where strangers gather. Dogs can make a pleasant impression on others and can win them over.
But they should not be considered too sociable. They do everything “for show”, they simply try not to stand out from the crowd. In fact, Dogs always want to stay at home, to be alone with themselves.
Individuals who were born in these years should not be considered closed and unsociable. They simply love solitude and enjoy being in it, rather than in crowded places.
Author: Sergey Tumanov
Practices
Silent pause
This exercise, which can be done anywhere: on public transport, in a waiting room, in a queue or even in the office, will do you more good than a coffee break. It increases natural energy levels.
● Sitting with a straight back, look at one point straight in front of you (at a book, some object), without looking too closely at it. Yogis call this technique “looking without seeing.” Be attentive to what is happening inside you, to the quality of your breathing.
● Breathe calmly and measuredly, then relax your jaws, shoulders, and pelvis.
● Relax with each inhalation and as you exhale, say the word “peace.”
● Feel a sense of serenity come over you. When your thoughts begin to wander, bring them back to your breathing. Remain in this state of stillness for a few minutes, enjoying the quality of silence. Do this exercise as often as possible.
Feel the power in yourself
● Sit comfortably, close your eyes. Breathe deeply and relax your entire body. Continue to breathe and completely surrender to relaxation.
● As you relax, focus on your heart. Imagine this place of peace within you. This is the deepest part of your being. Rest longer in this place.
● Starting from your heart, ask the energy to circulate throughout your body.
● Feel the energy in your body and realize that you can direct this light flow towards others.
Walking in silence
This exercise will take about 20 minutes to complete.
● Choose a location: If you are not outdoors, you can do this exercise in your apartment.
● Start walking slowly, paying special attention to each step you take. ● Then relax your neck, face, arms
● Then relax your neck, face, hands.
● Inhale, then plant your foot; exhale slowly and place the other leg. As you walk, feel the balance of your body.
● Then sit, imagining that you are looking inward. Focus completely on your breathing and immerse yourself in the here and now.
● Breathe calmly and steadily, without straining, listening to your breathing become calmer.
Fragment of the book “Reconcile soul and body. Body practices for a life without illness and stress." Michelle Freud. — Moscow: Bombora Publishing House, 2021.
