Sincerity and honesty – are they always so positive?

Adviсe

Sincerity and Honesty: Differences
Myths
The benefits of honesty and sincerity
Disadvantages of Honesty and Sincerity
When is honesty important?
Honesty in love
Sincerity and family ties
Honesty and business connections

In childhood, people are brought up on good fairy tales, where honesty defeats lies, and the truthful Ivanushka fights the intriguer Koshchei. They talk about the power of sincerity in school, citing as examples sentimental stories from Russian and foreign literature. But the children are growing up. The world is getting cruel. Sincerity is killed by indifference, and lies slip from the lips automatically. A person learns the subtle art of concealment, reticence, and deception for the benefit of humanity. Honesty, the unattainable height of morality, everything moves away and becomes an exorbitant feature, gaining value. Sounds sad. But is the situation so bad? Are honesty and sincerity always positive?

Sincerity and Honesty: Differences

Such similar, but different concepts. What is the difference?

Honesty is the truthful reporting of factual information. Sincerity is the harmony of words, actions and internal feelings.

Imagine the situation. A young man cheated on his girlfriend. His former offended passion found out about the offense, quickly collected incriminating evidence and set off to ruin other people’s relationships, hiding behind good intentions. She described the situation extremely honestly and in detail, showed a photo, and shared her story of separation. The girls cried and complained that all the men were... That’s where they parted. The story is true, but what is the intent? It is likely that the good intentions hid not the salvation of the unfortunate girl, but revenge on the ex-boyfriend. There was no sincerity in the honest confession.

Often people are not aware of the reasons for their own behavior. When performing an act, they are guided by thoughts that contradict reality. Modern man is so mired in lies that he cannot admit to himself the true motives of his actions. This is how the mechanism of self-destruction starts.

What kind of dishonesty is there?

It is somewhat difficult to give a precise definition of the word “dishonesty”, because it includes the following concepts:

lie,
slander,
fraud,
theft.

Lie

It is an integral part of the life of almost every person. Real life is like this: either they deceive you, or you are deceived. A lie is the communication of false information to a person who wants or needs to know the truth. In this way, the liar misleads his opponent, hides important information from him, and embellishes reality.

Slander

This is false information about a person or event, disseminated with the intent to undermine reputation, offend or harm. Slander is often called by another word, namely “gossip.” Both cause harm to the one at whom it is directed. A person who slanderes others may be punished for his false words.

The purpose of slander can be anything, but often a person is driven by envy or self-interest.

Fraud

This is a crime committed with the aim of taking possession of property, a violation of the trust of another person. Anyone can become a victim of scammers; honest and very trusting citizens are considered especially vulnerable. Dishonesty has become the norm, so it is not surprising that the world is full of people who want to make as much money as possible from the misfortune of others.

Theft

People steal for various reasons, among them are: organizational, social, economic and political issues. A person who is engaged in appropriating someone else’s property does not respect law, morality and religion. He may be guided by the desire to appropriate someone else’s property in order to satisfy his own needs, as a result of aggressive behavior or an unhealthy craving for hoarding.

Clinical psychologist Veronika Stepanova on the nature of kleptomania as a form of addiction in the video:

Myths

Honesty and sincerity cause indescribable dissonance in people's minds. On the one hand, there is a reinforced concrete morality that glorifies the strength, significance and beauty of these qualities. On the other hand, there is pressure from the desire for a well-fed life, which contradicts honesty. From contradictions come extremes, and from extremes come myths.

Sincere = naive

Naivety is an almost despised quality among people. It is considered a sign of youth, inexperience, immaturity. A naive person is pure; he has not yet had time to plunge into the abyss of injustice and cruelty. He is open, he doesn’t need lies “for the good” yet. Such characters appear often. But among sincere people there are those who came to this consciously, refusing self-deception. The world's lies begin with lying to oneself. It brings the inner world into dissonance. Establishing an honest dialogue with your inner self is the first step towards openness to the world. To do this, it is not necessary to turn a blind eye to injustice, deception, human vices, or forget human sins and insidious nature. Awareness of this does not go away with the advent of harmony. It is the attitude that changes, not the vision.

Honesty is the quality of fools

There is no benefit to telling the truth. The world pays for lying. 80% of money is concentrated in the hands of 20% of skilled liars. The more honest a person is, the less likely he is to take an advantageous position in society. According to popular belief, such a person is a fool. But the chosen lifestyle does not depend on mental abilities, intelligence, or education. Are Buddhist lamas, Indian hermit sages and other ascetics stupid?

Honesty is always virtuous

The truth is used by people for gain. An honest story about a competitor is nothing more than a trick and an attempt to hide one’s own sins. Sometimes the truth is harsh and destructive. A fundamentally honest person does not calculate the gravity of the words spoken, bringing down a waterfall of troubles on the head of the listener. He doesn't care what consequences the truth will lead to. He doesn't care about other people's feelings. He is honest because this is the basis of morality and ethics, hammered into his head with the iron staples of upbringing. In this case, there is no question of virtue.

How dishonesty affects you

In some situations, it is easier to choose the dishonest, easier path than the correct one, which requires more effort. Dishonesty can be an aid to achieving a goal. But this easy path can cause condemnation and criticism from others, and become a big problem for a person in the future.

Trust of others

As a rule, all relationships are built on trust. Two close people who trust each other feel the security and reliability coming from their partner. But trusting relationships do not appear immediately; they can take years to build. In order to gain the trust of another person, you need to be honest and open; one lie can block everything that has been created for so long.

Many relationships have been destroyed as a result of deception by one of the partners. Once a trusting relationship is broken, it is almost impossible to restore it.

Honesty is the basis of good relationships built on trust.

Dishonesty Begets Dishonesty

Robert Innes, a professor at the University of California, argues that dishonesty is like a dangerous virus that infects everyone around us. He believes that honesty in the modern world is a scarce commodity. In every country, businessmen steal, politicians lie, and ordinary citizens try to get what they want without making any effort.

But not everything is really so sad. Most people try to be honest, it just doesn't always work out.

Being honest does not mean telling the truth always and to everyone, it means not going against established moral principles and laws. Reason is given to man so that he can distinguish when he needs to be honest and when it is better to remain silent.

When a child accepts a lie as the truth, then there is a risk that he will grow up to be a real deceiver who will not see any problem in this.

People who encounter a dishonest, two-faced person can either adopt his attitude in life by following his example, or refuse to communicate with him forever. Maintaining neutrality in this case is quite difficult, since dishonesty is a “contagious disease” that is transmitted from one person to another.

The benefits of honesty and sincerity

Despite the suspicious attitude towards honesty and openness on the part of people, it has its advantages.

To be youreself

An honest person does not need masks. He doesn't play, he lives. Yes, such people do not move in high circles, do not make a fortune, do not build a magnificent career. They find a place where their work is needed without deception and pretense. They start a family, children and go to happiness in a way accessible to them, causing the envy of others.

Way to stand out

An honest person is a rarity. There are millions of beauties on earth, hundreds of thousands of owners of cool cars, thousands of owners of luxurious penthouses and castles, but only a few honest people.

Positive attitude towards the world

Sincerity and honesty are a way of life. When these two qualities are combined in one person, a harmonious personality is born. Inner peace leads to contentment and a positive outlook on life.

Psychological health

Lies are the main cause of neuroses. The more often a person tells lies, the more afraid he is of exposure. He constantly monitors himself, checks, verifies, suspects. It seems to him that the lie has already been revealed, that those around him are laughing behind his back at the shameful truth. An honest person is insured against such disorders, he does not suffer from suspicion, does not check every step and enjoys life.

The problem of honesty in literature

Text by N.S. Leskova about Selivan seemed interesting to me. The writer raises an important moral problem in it - honesty. The narrator had to spend the night in the house of Selivan, whom everyone considered a robber and thief (prev. 1).

When she and her father discovered that they had forgotten their aunt’s box of money, they thought that the “robber” was already far away. Imagine their surprise when Selivan returned the box. He didn’t even take any money from there (sentences 17–18).

The author finally convinces us of Selivan’s integrity when he refuses the reward. Thanks to this incident, everyone was convinced that the hero was an honest person. The writer's position is clear to me.

Honesty is one of the important personality qualities. And your actions can change the attitude of society. I agree with the writer that honest people deserve praise and respect.

I will prove my point by turning to works of fiction. Let's turn to the novel by A.S. Pushkin's " The Captain's Daughter ". Grinev, having broken free, lost a hundred rubles to Zurin in billiards. Perhaps Zurin was wrong, because he saw that in front of him was a very young man. He even deliberately got the young man drunk and praised his performance.

The next morning, Grinev realized the irresponsibility of his behavior, but he repaid the debt, despite Savelich’s resistance. It seems to me that the hero acted honestly. Reflecting on this problem, I remember one parable. A tramp found a wallet in the market containing one hundred gold coins.

Being an honest man, he gave his find to the lost one, hoping for a reward. However, the merchant accused him of stealing some of the money. The dispute was decided by a judge who gave all the gold to the poor man. He explained this by saying that the wallet that the poor man found contained one hundred gold pieces, and the one that the merchant lost contained two hundred. This means, the judge decided, someone else lost this wallet.

Thus the poor man was rewarded for his honesty. Thus, the problem of honesty is relevant at any time. And there have always been people who acted honestly, and others who wanted to appropriate for themselves what belonged to others. The choice always remains with the person.

Disadvantages of Honesty and Sincerity

Honesty had fewer negative sides:

Honest people are more often deceived

This pattern affects the young and inexperienced. Deceived boys and girls lose their openness over time. Someone else's lies awaken resistance. At the subconscious level, an attitude is formed: honesty is the cause of problems.

A deceived person withdraws into himself, becomes closed, learns to lie. Society gets another bearer of lies “for the good.”

A sincere person is easier to offend

Sincerity goes along with openness. Such people let others get too close. The blow received brings pain and suffering. This is a common scenario for first love, when the youthful psyche is not ready for such shocks. The result is tears, depression, withdrawal from studies/sports/hobbies. In most cases, sincerity disappears along with the first feelings. This scenario is not uncommon both in family and friendships.

Honesty is a burden for the strong

It is difficult for an open, honest and sincere person to look at human cruelty, deceit and rudeness. Soft people have the hardest time. They are easier to put pressure on and easier to use. They get lost under the pressure of rudeness and worry about injustice. They break under the pressure of social mores.

Is everything so clear?

In reality, everything is not so simple. Should a doctor be honest? Naturally! How can we trust him with our health and even life if he lies to us, making the wrong diagnoses or prescribing unnecessary medications.

What if, based on the results of your tests, the doctor finds out the terrible truth. Should he then come and tell you point-blank: “Everything is very bad.” No chance. No one and nothing will help you." Are you sure you would like to hear this truth from a doctor? And that such honesty is really much better than understatement. After all, the doctor could have acted differently. Tell you that he was very upset by the results of your tests. And he will think about what can be done. This is a “white lie.” And to say that this is bad would be wrong.

And also, in society, there are stereotypes and dogmas. And you are not at all obliged to follow them. If your path of self-development and self-expression does not correspond to someone else's ideas, this does not mean that you should correspond to them. Live in a way that is true and right for you personally. We repeat: if it does not harm anyone and does not violate the boundaries of other people in any way.

Honesty in relationships

Honesty breeds trust. And trust is the basis of strong family relationships, friendships, raising children and career growth. How many families have been destroyed due to lies and deception, how many friends and relationships have been lost. And the reason for this is the lack of honesty in relationships between people
It is important to understand that small lies always develop into bigger ones. It accumulates like a snowball, causing in a person constant feelings of tension, nervousness, guilt and fear of being exposed. This can greatly ruin your life and relationships with loved ones and acquaintances.
Lying causes stress and health problems.

There is real evidence of the positive impact of honesty on human health. The results of such studies were carried out in America and were published there.

Half of the 110-person group was asked to stop lying for 10 weeks. The other half did not receive any instructions. Scientists assessed the health status and level of interpersonal relationships of each of the subjects on a weekly basis. The number of “wrongs” said was determined using a lie detector.

When is honesty important?

Truth, concealment or lies are difficult choices. The modern world is an egocentric universe. What kind of creature is this incomprehensible? An egocentric is a person who depends on the opinions of others. He builds a pattern of behavior in order to appear significant in the eyes of other people. This is an actor. He puts on his face the mask of a happy family man, a person satisfied with life, a respectable citizen. The main rule: control. An egocentric person monitors words and actions and carefully measures the details of the image. He controls the smooth course of a fictional story, whether it is made up or embellished. There are more than 70% of such people in the world. Those who did not learn the rules of the game in childhood learn from their own mistakes in adolescence. This model is generally accepted, fixed and approved for the convenience of all. But is she really that good?

Honesty in love

Sincere first love remains a painful memory in the past. After a series of trial and errors, a person chooses a partner. He does everything to please, attract attention, show his best side - he plays a role, dooming the relationship to failure. And why? No sincerity. Maintaining a mask during close contact will not work for long. It will subside at the first difficulties. A common situation: she married one person and divorced another person.

Concealment causes quarrels. Egocentric fear prevents you from talking about personal and secret things, from admitting a problem, and leads to unexpected conflicts. A man, forced to play the role of a strong shoulder and a stone wall, is unlikely to admit that he dreams of feminine, almost maternal affection and tenderness. A young girl also never admits to complexes that interfere with relationships. But sometimes it’s enough to talk, talk about desires or problems in order to avoid quarrels and misunderstandings.

Imagine Masha, who since childhood has been embarrassed by her contrived fatness. Her husband is pleased with his wife’s figure, but she stubbornly wears baggy clothes, behind which she hides imaginary folds. She closes herself off during lovemaking and goes on diets. Masha is hurt when her husband looks around at the stylish, beautiful women, wanting to pull off his wife’s next robe. Instead of talking, young spouses live alone with their desires and experiences, accumulating fears and dissatisfaction. The marriage is approaching breakdown.

Sincerity and family ties

Deception begins from childhood. Parents love to lie, justifiably or not. Children seem small and stupid, but they copy the behavior of adults. From them the child learns what a lie is and carries it into life. Immediate impulses: joy, laughter, fun, tears are interrupted by adult instructions about the inappropriateness of emotions. Having realized that the behavior is unpleasant for adults, children change tactics. They strive to be liked, to receive the love and approval of adults, and from childhood they lose sincerity and forget about honesty.

The usual family drama. Little Vitalik has felt since childhood that his mother is unhappy with him. Whatever he does, he receives lectures and scolding in response. Vitalik knows one thing: his mother likes it when he recites poetry in public. Realizing this, he begins to use knowledge to achieve the love of his neighbor. He doesn't like poetry, and he doesn't like his mother's friends. When Vitalik grows up, poetry will be replaced by A's in mathematics, and then by the physics department at a state university. The boy dreamed of becoming an artist, but all his life he would hide his “I” and lie to others for the sake of approving smiles.

Honesty and business connections

The choice of profession determines how honest a person can be. In this area of life, sincerity is clearly regulated and driven into boundaries and norms.

The higher a person rises, the less openness he allows himself. Business relationships create distance and limit the range of issues discussed.

Imagine honest Vasya, who at a meeting decided to tell the investor that his company’s project is a scam and not worth the money. Openly, boldly, decisively. And so the unemployed daredevil moves to live with his mother. The career has been sealed.

It’s hard for honest people in the world of sales and advertising. Openness is the enemy of managers. Doctors, teachers, investigators, accountants - society sets limits for everyone.

Honesty and sincerity are positive in dosed form. Openness is the gift of close relationships. But it is achieved only by being honest with yourself. Is it worth fighting against egocentrism and lies? Yes! But extremes in this matter do not lead to good.

General concepts

What is Honesty

Note that the concept of “honesty” is inextricably linked with such concepts as: deception, lies and truth, trust, reliability. And they are all very closely related to each other, echoing and intersecting. To unequivocally judge that deception is bad and telling the truth is good is completely wrong. It is no coincidence that the origin of the word “honesty” in our language comes from the Slavic “integrity”.

One thing is certain: honesty has a huge impact on our lives. It fills our lives with light, lightness, and openness. They believe in such people, are drawn to them, and want to communicate with them. To some extent, being honest is being true to the truth, whatever it may be, showing your respect for others, and, first of all, for yourself. Honesty is a virtue, many strive for it, but not many succeed. Why can't everyone be honest?

Society and Honesty

Very often, we encounter the concepts of “deception”, “understatement” or “distortion of the truth” in society. Or rather, we practically “live” in them. The seller at the market and in the store, the doctor in the hospital, the media, the dishonest bank when applying for a loan, the neighbor next door, the colleague at work deceive. There are plenty of examples.

Meanwhile, honesty in society plays a huge role; it has the most direct impact on its entire development as a whole. With a dishonest course of government, the country and the economy will decline, laws will be broken. Doctors and security forces will cease to perform their duties properly. A lot in our daily lives depends on the veracity of information. Plane and train schedules; knowledge acquired at school and university; news delivered from television screens. We constantly need to receive information and information, and all of it must certainly be true and correct. Otherwise, how can we live in such a society: where is deception and lies all around?!

Dishonesty in society is a direct path to the degradation of the country, its destruction and chaos. That is why it is so important to instill in children from childhood to be honest on the scale of society and the country.

Honesty to yourself

It is impossible to develop yourself as a complete person if honesty is not your strong suit. You need to be able to fulfill your obligations and achieve your goals only in an honest way. When it doesn't hurt other people. A person must act in his life as he would like to be treated - this is a common truth. The right thing is to adhere to the principles of truthfulness, honesty, honor, conscience and ethics, and not self-centeredness and indifference. But this is rather a matter of personality, personal choice and upbringing. However, a person does not always manage to be honest even with himself.

Self-deception has long become not just a part of our lives, but life itself. We constantly lie to ourselves: we do what we don’t want, we eat what we don’t like. We communicate with those with whom we do not want or who cause pain or infringe upon us.

Is it good or bad. There is no clear answer here. Undoubtedly, we must be honest with ourselves and listen to our inner selves. After all, there is a huge difference between deliberately deceiving and lying to yourself, and recognizing deception and living with it.

I ate this cake because I have no willpower. Or I don’t run in the morning because my legs will hurt, I’ll catch a cold, I won’t get enough sleep and I won’t work well - this is self-deception. You are telling yourself something that may not be true. This definitely needs to be fought. In such cases, honesty is very important. Excess calories will lead you to excess weight, health problems, low self-esteem and, as a result, depression. And playing sports could help you with this.

Another situation: you go to a job you don’t like, but it brings you a stable high income. When in your heart you dream of doing something completely different. And then, just like that, the husband is left without work. You can convince yourself that it’s not destiny, you should forget about your dream and continue working. Or you can accept the truth and draw the appropriate conclusions: yes, now this job is an ideal option for me. We just need to wait until my husband finds a new one, and in the meantime, I will develop a business plan for my new business. “Self-deception” and “deceiving yourself for the sake of a specific, more significant goal” are completely different things.

Why you should be honest

Parents try to raise their child to be a good and honest person. There are unshakable moral principles in the world that cannot be violated, but for some reason adults forget about them and live as they see fit, to the detriment of others.

One of the main aspects of honesty is admitting your own mistakes; only by understanding your mistake can you prevent its repetition in the future.

An honest person has the following qualities:

peace of mind, because life is much easier for those who do not wish harm to others and do not harbor insidious plans;
a clear conscience motivates a person to further good deeds, which will never make you regret what you have done or said;
self-esteem borders on a positive attitude towards oneself;
trust and respect of others. People intuitively feel sincerity and goodwill, so it is easier to trust an honest person; he is not afraid to talk about problems, because he never uses the weakness of another for his own benefit.

Read more: Shopaholism: thoughtless spending on unnecessary things

Honesty is one of the main human values that should be present in each of us. The presence of this trait speaks of the spiritual development of the individual, nobility and humanity.

How to distinguish an honest person from a deceiver?

Relationships between people are an eternal topic. Many people ask how to distinguish between truth and lies. Everything is simple as always!

Example

You have a friend with whom you communicate. Spend time walking with your children, or meet in a cafe for a cup of tea. You don't understand whether your friend is honest or not.

We give the answer, you can draw your own conclusion: You simply observe how a person acts with others .

Her phone rings. She doesn’t pick up the phone, shrugging it off and saying: “I don’t want to!”
You are at a loss why doesn't the person answer the phone. After all, phones were created to communicate with everyone, right? If you don’t think it’s necessary to give your number to someone, no one will force you to do it. Why give a number to someone you don't like to talk to?
Well, okay, you had a great time, had a heart-to-heart chat and went your separate ways.
And then the moment comes when you call this person, but he doesn’t pick up the phone. After waiting a few minutes, you dial again in the hope of some kind of glitch with your mobile operator, but no miracle happens.
So what, you ask? We answer - remember her reaction to the phone call when you were together in a cafe. Absolutely right, as they did with that incoming call , I assure you, they do the same with you. It doesn’t matter how many years you were friends, or were just acquaintances. For people who live by deception, this is par for the course. They do only what is beneficial to them and do not think at all about others .