Loss of control over yourself - 3 tips from psychologists, consultations

September 30, 2021

A person often hears the word “ control ”. You can hear this word from your mother about control of homework, from teachers about control of knowledge, control at work, control of yourself. A person can feel someone else's control over him as manipulation.

The word control is associated with the phrase “ responsible for everyone and everything .” The desire to exercise control is a symptom of a psychological disorder.

Such control begins with a small one: a person repeatedly checks whether the light is turned off, and can return to check whether the tap is closed. At work, they may remember that they may not have closed the door and will panic throughout the working day.

Then they begin to control their relatives, they will call and write SMS with questions about where, how, when. An unanswered call causes panic.

Causes of fear of loss of control:

Heredity. Growing up in a family where control reigned, the child adopts this model of behavior.
Negative experience. A person could experience a betrayal of a spouse, or the death of a loved one due to a medical error. In such a situation, the person thinks that if he had control, this would not have happened. This is where the fear of losing control begins.
Loss of basic trust in the world. A person led a correct lifestyle, worked, studied, paid for services, and something bad happened to him. He realized that there is no justice, that everything needs to be controlled and he begins to be afraid of losing this control.
Feeling of own uselessness. Refers to abandoned children. He wants to become very necessary to be noticed. He wants to control his life and is afraid of losing this control.

This fear is associated with the desire to control all aspects of life. If a person loses control, he thinks that he should control himself even better. Perfectionism is an important quality. Ultimately, fear comes from a fear of relaxation, an inability to let go of a situation, or a futile attempt to control it. Both reasons are related.

Panic attacks

Panic attacks are a regular occurrence for phobophobes. It all starts with an accelerated heartbeat caused by panic, complemented by difficulty breathing, noise in the ears and head (failure of the autonomic system) and ends with numbness, which cannot be explained. Such attacks are a clear example of psychosomatics, and the more phobophobia develops, the more frequent and intense panic attacks become. Fortunately, it doesn’t always lead to panic attacks and you can cope with them by turning to specialists for help.

Control is always mistrust.

Symptoms:

Any fear exhausts the nervous system, which greatly aggravates the course of the disorder.

The impossibility of being left without communication, and suddenly something happens, and the person will not be able to find out and help.
Strong fear for the lack of information about something or someone (calling relatives, searching for wandering children, checking phones, etc.).
Preventing imaginary problems and solving them in your head. Nothing has happened yet, and the man has tortured himself with options for the outcome of the event.
Physiological disorders (sleep disturbances, increased heart rate, breathing, lack of air, “lump in the throat,” “feeling of heaviness in the chest”).
The tendency to predict only negative outcomes of any situation.
Intrusive thoughts, social anxiety, low mood, sleep disturbances and reluctance to plan even the near future.
Feelings of uncertainty, hopelessness and inevitability.
Thoughts “such thoughts should not arise in me! These thoughts are unacceptable! I have to cope with any difficulties."
Awareness that this is wrong, attempts to fight these thoughts, but they still come back.

How to overcome the fear of going crazy and win

Most people consider themselves special and different from others. Therefore, they rightly believe that all their ailments are unique. But in fact, the symptoms and signs of their diseases and disorders in many cases completely coincide with the descriptions presented in the ICD. Therefore, ways to cope with the fear of going crazy will help almost everyone. With rare exceptions - if people have any other complications.

The causes of all kinds of hypertrophied fears and obsessive states can be called a fairly high level of anxiety. It is often determined by the characteristics of a person’s central nervous system and his worldview.

Some people are horrified when they start thinking about how they might hit or cut their loved ones. And they believe that they are in danger of going crazy, so they try to break the negative mood on their own, but they fail.

Frightening thoughts in a person can have different directions. But you cannot resist obsessive thoughts; the state of anxiety and the expectation of some kind of misfortune, which will be provoked by the fear of going crazy and losing control, will only intensify.

Everyone knows that people whose brains are plunged into the abyss of madness do not understand what is happening. In contrast, a person who is afraid of going crazy has completely normal thinking. He perceives events and those around him normally and reacts to them adequately.

In order to get rid of this fear, you need to take the following actions:

reduce anxiety, become calmer;
increase self-esteem;
don't wait for something, just work or study;
be more optimistic about events happening nearby and in the world.

It is better to treat yourself and your actions with a certain amount of humor. You need to be able to relax, engage in activities, preferably team activities, and communicate more often with cheerful and cheerful people. Meeting with friends allows a stressed person to completely relax. After all, to talk frankly with a friend, you don’t need to choose words and expressions. He will understand a lot, as they say, right away.

Self-help:

Try to stick to your daily routine. This is the best way to regain control of yourself.
Try to control those areas that depend on you (plan for the near future, buying groceries, general cleaning, hobbies).
Contact only reliable sources of information.
Don't be alone, communicate with friends and colleagues.
Do not hesitate to ask for help and accept it in a state of anxiety or panic.
Remember your previous experience of overcoming your troubles when a new wave of panic hits.

Is there any benefit to fear?

The question is strange, but the answer is obvious - yes, there is. Fear keeps an electrician from going to work while intoxicated, and an angry office clerk from the temptation to destroy furniture and computers, knowing the consequences this entails. We will think a hundred times before we commit an act that can harm health (ours or those around us), property, etc. In a healthy manifestation, such fear is directly related to the instinct of self-preservation and is inherent in us by nature itself.

Treatment:

For cure and sustainable remission, you need to work with a psychologist who will teach and help overcome fear and predisposition to neurotic reactions. At the appointment, the psychotherapist, during a confidential conversation, will clarify the causes, mechanisms of development of fear and choose a treatment method.

Hypnosis. The psychotherapist inspires the patient to change negative attitudes to positive ones, teaches self-regulation and visualization techniques.
Drug treatment. Use of sedatives.
Cognitive behavioral therapy. Generally recognized effective method. The specialist helps you create a list of fears, from least to most frightening. Then he teaches the patient self-control: breathing, auto-training, visualization. The fearful moment is discussed and new behavior is worked out.
Psychotherapy. Helps the patient develop an adequate perception of reality and assessment of his situation, allows him to analyze the situation and distribute the load throughout the day. Increases stress resistance, teaches methods of full recovery of the body.

If something resonated with you while reading the text and it seems to you that the situation and symptoms described in the article are similar to your case, and you would like to solve this problem, you can call me first at + 7 (926) 169-36 -63 to talk about your problem that you want to solve.

The duration of the telephone consultation is 20 minutes (free of charge) , during which time I must decide whether I can help you within the framework of psychoanalytic counseling. If it’s easier for you to write a letter, you can do this by clicking on the link and sign up for a consultation. I ask you to describe your situation in as much detail as possible - the size of the letter is unlimited, I will definitely read your letter and respond.

I am always near.

When you give your anxiety all control

Robert has experienced many ups and downs, which has caused a lot of anxiety. Having been unemployed for almost a year, he feels tormented in every area of his life. His parents, concerned about his situation, try to cheer him up and invite him to eat every day. However, during the last meal he shared with them, Robert realized that he was beginning to fear that he would lose control at any moment.

During dinner last weekend, his brother made a small comment about his situation and he interpreted it in the worst possible way. He reacted emotionally - he got angry, raised his voice and said many things that he later regretted. It ended with the mother crying and the brother slamming his hand on the table. Robert knew he had a problem, but he lacked the resources to properly solve it.

This situation may sound familiar to you. If so, it's important to start by understanding all the ways anxiety can change your behavior, thoughts, and reactions to certain stimuli.

Demon of Worry

When people carry too many worries, fears and insecurities, the brain makes an almost Spartan interpretation - be careful, everything around you is a threat. With this conclusion, he determines that the only way out is to be on guard every minute and protect himself from everyone and everything.

Your judgment of reality ceases to be rational and controlled, and you give control to your instincts and the least reflexive, least logical autopilot - fear.

You experience an unpleasant feeling, as if everything that is happening is unreal and unfamiliar to you, as if you are losing touch with your body. This is called depersonalization.

You fall into a state of constant supervision, always defending yourself, overreacting to trivial things, forming obsessive and negative thoughts, anticipating what has not yet happened.

Didn't work anywhere, wasn't fired from anywhere

If a thought gives us severe discomfort, cognitive behavioral therapy suggests using the “falling arrow” technique, which helps to detect flaws in logical transitions and find the core of the problem. I can’t decide on the future - what does this mean for me? At first, the answers will most likely be evasive: “This means that I cannot decide what I will do for the rest of my life.” What does it mean? “There is a high probability that I will make the wrong choice.” What does it mean? “That I’ll get a terrible job and waste my life.” What does it mean? “I am worthless.” Hello Elsa.

As soon as we have tracked the chain of emotionally charged judgments, we can begin to work with them—to conduct a cognitive debate.

What does “horrible job” mean and why would you choose it?
Is it necessary to stay in one place all your life, even if you made a mistake with your profession?
Can I change my choice?
How to understand that it is wrong?
Is it possible to determine its criteria and, when something similar happens, adjust your plan?

Finding answers to these questions probably won't lead you to an immediate solution, but it will definitely make you feel more resilient. When you shift your focus from the abstract future to the present, you begin to feel that you are much better at steering here, and you don’t have to decide on tomorrow, and even more so on the day after tomorrow. No matter what happens, you can and will change your decisions. And this is your strength.