Emotional resilience is when you are able to calm your mind after facing a negative experience. This is inner motivation, inner strength with which we can survive all the difficulties of life.
Just like other aspects of our personality such as IQ, emotional intelligence , social intelligence, etc. Emotional stability is a trait that is present from birth and continues to develop throughout life.
“The greatest glory in life is not in never falling, but in growing every time we fall.”
Nelson Mandela
Definition of emotional stability
Emotional resilience is the strength to push through the storm and still keep the sail steady. Living in the era of technological revolution, every ten years we adapt to changes that were not previously in our lives. From strict digitization to the 24/7 influence of social media, it is natural to feel emotionally attached from time to time.
Emotional resilience is an art of living that is associated with self-belief, self-compassion, and improved cognition. This is a way in which we can perceive adversity as “temporary” and continue to grow through pain and suffering.
Important! Broadly speaking, emotional resilience means moving away from a stressful situation and not letting it affect our internal motivation.
When we are resilient, we not only adapt to stress and disappointments, we also develop awareness to avoid actions that could lead us to such situations. Consider the following example:
A reliable employee, a loving husband and an excellent manager. Mr. A starts his work on time and is focused. He strives to learn from his mistakes, never procrastinates, and therefore never misses a deadline to grow like many of his friends do. He is happy for what he has been able to achieve so far. Mr. A is emotionally stable.
Form your own point of view.
Point of view is a unique thing given to every person in the world. However, not everyone is emotionally strong enough to defend their opinions and beliefs no matter what. But this does not mean that you should adhere to certain positions and not pay attention to other people’s advice and opinions. If you want to be successful, you must develop the skills to be flexible and practice patience when dealing with people you like, respect, or simply collaborate with.
Excessive straightforwardness and uncompromisingness will make you emotionally stronger, but will significantly limit your development and one day drive you into a dead end. Once you form your own point of view, learn to respect your choices and turn a blind eye to either justified or unfounded public criticism, you will feel inner strength and self-confidence coursing through your veins and realize that you are a self-sufficient person who never bows down. head.
In addition, you will become more popular among others because people generally look up to mentally strong individuals who are not influenced by social opinion, have their own standards, values and look at the world with respect.
Elements of Emotional Resilience
Emotional resilience has three elements - it is something we can build resilience on or work to improve upon. The three elements include:
Physical elements
Incorporating physical strength, energy, improving health and vitality.
Psychological elements
Aspects such as attention and focus, self-esteem , self-confidence , emotional awareness, regulation, self-expression and the ability to think and reason.
Social elements
Interpersonal relationships (work, partner, children, parents, friends, society, etc.). Group conformity, attractiveness, communication, and cooperation.
Emotional Resilience Training Options
Resilience is the ability to maintain competent performance in the face of life's major "stressors."
Emotional resilience can be developed through appropriate knowledge, training and motivation . Whether you're facing dangers in the workplace , navigating a tumultuous relationship, or navigating the challenges of raising a little rebel at home, with emotional resilience you can not only cope effectively with the situation, you also protect yourself from emotional devastation.
An important aspect of building emotional resilience is recognizing that it is inextricably linked to other areas of life. For example, becoming more resilient at work will also make you resilient in your personal relationships, and vice versa. Regardless of whether training is aimed at improving in a specific area, it must show its impact on other aspects of life. The Resilience Training Program aims to increase emotional resilience by building:
Self-awareness
The ability to tune into our feelings, internal conflicts and perception of the world. Through self-awareness, we gain a deeper understanding of how our feelings contribute to our actions.
Instead of seeking outside help or blaming the world for our suffering, self-awareness gives us the courage to look within ourselves for answers. By making us more in tune with our inner world, building self-awareness helps us become more capable and aware.
Durability
Resilience training helps a person develop consistency and a willingness to keep trying. Whether it's dealing with external stressors or processing internal conflicts, persistence supports intrinsic motivation.
Emotional control
People with higher levels of emotion and self-control are able to redirect themselves and manipulate their feelings. They are less stressed.
Flexible thinking
Flexible thinking is an important aspect of mental health that contributes to anyone's personal and professional success.
It is a powerful social skill that involves optimism, adaptability, rationality and positive thinking. A person who has acquired or developed these skills through training or experience will definitely be more emotionally stable and balanced in life.
Interpersonal relationships
Having good personal relationships is a prerequisite for emotional stability. If we have the ability to build strong interpersonal connections on a professional or personal level, we have already taken one step forward towards a viable life.
Jenny Phillips, PhD in Social Sciences and Education from the University of Ontario, mentioned in one of her blogs that building strong interpersonal relationships broadens our perspective—it changes the way we perceive the world and ourselves.
Important! We are social creatures, and being surrounded by people gives us the strength to overcome problems, endure them and grow from them. To build emotional resilience more broadly, we must be able to improve our existing interpersonal relationships and be open to building new ones.
Imitate strong personalities
What supports children who grow up in miserable conditions, but continue to live normal, fulfilling lives? They have role models who provide positive examples and support them.
Emmy Werner, one of the first psychologists to study resilience, observed the lives of children who grew up in poverty, in dysfunctional families with at least one parent who was an alcoholic, mentally ill, or violent.
Werner found that emotionally stable children who became productive, emotionally healthy adults had at least one person in their lives who was truly supportive and a role model.
Our research found a similar connection: Many people we interviewed said they had a role model—someone whose beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors inspired them.
"Unbreakable: The Science of Confronting Life's Challenges"
Sometimes it is difficult to find among your friends someone you would like to be like. This is fine. Southwick and Charney found that it is often enough to have a negative example in front of you - a person you never want to be like.
Stress management and emotional stability
Coping with stress, or better said, managing stress effectively directly contributes to increased resilience. The whole idea of emotional resilience revolves around how well we are able to cope.
Getting caught up in life's daily stressors can be a big reason why we lose our emotional stability. We become more sensitive, overly reactive and emotionally unstable. Even a small change in plans can send us into a state of anxiety and panic.
Research has shown that resilient people can cope with stress more effectively. They can bounce back from any stressful situation with positive energy and confidence, and they are more likely to learn from traumatic encounters rather than become overwhelmed by them.
results
What is the result of this test technique? Emotional stability can be of four levels:
- High (up to 7 points). The person has a stable psyche. It is unlikely that he is afraid of at least some emotional stress. This is not bad, but it is still recommended to keep your nervous system in the same condition.
- Average (8-9 points). The person is quite balanced and knows how to respond adequately to the vast majority of situations that cause stress. Most people have this level.
- Low (15-20 points). Excessive emotionality distinguishes a person - it would not hurt him to acquire mental self-regulation skills. It might even be worth taking calming herbal remedies.
- Critical (21-25 points). People with this indicator are characterized by an extreme degree of excitability. They have very low psychological defense, and their nerves are “naked.” Tranquilizers are often indicated for such individuals. Many people go to psychotherapists.
Emotional Resilience: How to Protect Your Mental Health (book)
Dr Harry Barry, a GP and expert in cognitive behavioral therapy, has published some of his remarkable findings on emotional resilience in the book Emotional Resilience: How to Protect Your Mental Health.
Originally released in May 2021, this book is one of the richest and most popular texts on emotional resilience to date. Dr. Barry, using relevant concepts and practical examples, defines emotional resilience in his book as “the building blocks of life.”
He says the reason some people cope better with stress than others is because of their strength. Exposure to toxic stress (aka burnout) causes intense emotions and our coping mechanisms are immediately used to manage the situation.
Important! Dr Barry says resilient people are better and quicker at using these coping strategies and can therefore adapt better to challenges.
Additionally, he mentioned that while some people are born with better resilience and emotional balance than others, with the right guidance, we are all capable of creating ourselves as emotionally resilient and psychologically mature individuals.
The book is a benchmark in the field of applied psychology and mental health interventions from which all of us can benefit. The book also serves as a training tool for those who want to strengthen their resistance abilities.
The basis of the intervention strategies mentioned in the book is based on three concepts:
- Cognition - how we think.
- Perception is how we analyze and evaluate things.
- Action is how we react to it.
The principles mentioned in the book attempt to improve the way a person thinks, feels, and behaves, and ultimately seeks to help the reader develop as an emotionally resilient person.
Emotional resilience, Dr. Barry suggests, can be developed by:
- Recognizing the fact that our thoughts influence our actions.
- Recognizing stress and wanting to deal with it effectively.
- Be open to change and flexible, adapting to new situations.
- By accepting the truth that changing how we respond to stress can make a big difference.
- Self-compassion.
Keep fit
Time and time again, Southwick and Charney found that the most emotionally stable people had a habit of keeping their bodies and minds in good shape.
Many of the people we spoke to exercised regularly and felt that being fit had helped them through tough times and while recovering from injury. It even saved the lives of some.
"Unbreakable: The Science of Confronting Life's Challenges"
Interestingly, maintaining physical fitness is more important for emotionally fragile people. Why? Because the stress of exercise helps us adapt to the stress we will experience when life challenges us.
Researchers believe that during active aerobic training, a person is forced to experience the same symptoms that appear in moments of fear or excitement: rapid heart rate and breathing, sweating. After some time, a person who continues to exercise intensively can get used to the fact that these symptoms are not dangerous, and the intensity of the fear caused by them will gradually decrease.
"Unbreakable: The Science of Confronting Life's Challenges"
Dr. Harry Barry's Key Findings
With over 35 years of experience as a therapist and psychologist, Dr. Barry brings us his thoughts on depression, anxiety, and other psychological conditions . However, this book on building emotional resilience is his greatest contribution to the field of mental health.
Dr. Barry has divided his book, Emotional Resilience: How to Protect Your Mental Health, into three parts. All of his findings are based on three skills that he believes are key to building emotional resilience. These skill sets include:
Personal skills
The skills needed to manage our personal lives are vital elements such as self-acceptance, empathy, self-esteem, thinking, reasoning, problem solving, managing anxiety and frustration.
During his extensive career as a therapist, the author has encountered numerous cases of anxiety, depression, low productivity and stress disorders, and he attributes all of these anomalies to the lack of these personal skills. Unconditional self-acceptance, according to Dr. Barry, is key to building emotional resilience and strength.
Social skills
Social skills have been defined as successful interactions with oneself and the environment. This is the ability to initiate and maintain long-term interpersonal relationships.
"Man is a social being."
Aristotle
Thanks to communication, contact comfort and cooperation, we coexist with other people in a close society.
Harry Barry mentioned that improving the way we interact with others, perceive their problems and adapt to them can help build our emotional resilience and allow us to positively resist exhaustion.
His activities to improve social skills include:
- Developing and practicing empathy in everyday life—at work and at home.
- Reading and understanding social cues—both verbal and nonverbal communication.
- Office of Social Anxiety .
- Harnessing the power of self-expression.
Life skills
Life skills are a seamless combination of all the social, personal and cognitive skills with which we are endowed. It includes the ability to resolve conflict peacefully, the ability to cope with stress, and the ability to develop an ideal work-life balance.
By refining the skill sets that fall under this category, Dr. Barry provided a degree of emotional stability and civility. This is a relatively broader area, covering much of our personality, and Barry, with simple and relevant examples, has made it easy for his readers to apply in their daily lives.
Dr. Barry's Suggested Actions
To improve the above-mentioned life skills that directly increase emotional resilience, he mentioned activities such as:
Self-acceptance
With practical examples that readers can relate to more easily, self-acceptance teaches us how to be more compassionate, considerate, and respectful of ourselves.
Eliminating Procrastination
Dr. Barry recognizes procrastination as one of the main enemies of emotional stability.
With simple tips like letting go of the desire to be perfect, using regular intervals when working long hours, and breaking down goals into smaller sub-goals, this set of actions is specifically designed for those who struggle with it.
Adoption
The manifestation of anxiety, stress and depression is often physical in nature - with symptoms such as unexplained headaches, insomnia, palpitations, etc.
Through Acceptance, we can directly face our problems and try to change them. There are no restrictions and no barriers to acceptance, every thought that we perceive as disturbing is welcomed and considered.
All that is required is unconditional acceptance and a willingness to fight them.
Finding balance
Emotional resilience is the trajectory of healthy functioning following a highly adverse incident.
In the section on developing life skills, Dr. Barry noted that once we have acquired the skills to cope with the stresses of everyday life, we are more emotionally resilient.
To find the perfect balance in life, we can:
- Keep a daily schedule where we can write down our tasks for the day and act as per the plan.
- Keep a list of priorities and see what the essence of our partners, work, parents, personal hygiene and social life are.
- Come back and reset priorities as often as we need.
- Spend some quality time on those on your priority list.
- Engage in active communication with your partner from time to time to discuss life's challenges and confront problems rather than avoid them.
Know how to give and receive social support
Even if you are not part of a religious or other community, friends and family can support you. When Admiral Robert Shumaker was captured in Vietnam, he was isolated from other prisoners. How did he maintain his composure? He knocked on the cell wall. The prisoners in the next cell knocked in response. It was ridiculously simple, but it was these tappings that reminded them that they were not alone in their suffering.
During his 8 years in North Vietnamese prisons, Schamaker used his keen mind and creativity to develop a unique method of tapping communication known as Tap Code. This was a turning point, thanks to which dozens of prisoners were able to contact each other and survive.
"Unbreakable: The Science of Confronting Life's Challenges"
Our brains need social support to function optimally. When you interact with others, oxytocin is released, which calms the mind and reduces stress levels.
Oxytocin reduces activity in the amygdala, which explains why support from others reduces stress.
"Unbreakable: The Science of Confronting Life's Challenges"
And it is necessary not only to receive help from others, but also to provide it. Dale Carnegie said, “You can make more friends in two months than in two years if you are interested in people instead of trying to interest them in you.”
However, we cannot always be surrounded by loved ones. What to do in this case?
How to Create Emotional Resilience: 5 Exercises
“The secret to a healthy mind and body is not to mourn the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and sincerely.”
Buddha
Building emotional stability includes:
- Self-acceptance.
- Improving stress management strategies.
- Building self-esteem.
- Be attentive and focused on the present.
- Express emotions wisely.
- React to stress in a way that does not cause harm to yourself or others.
Here are some exercises to help you get closer to emotional stability in your daily life. Whether you're struggling or experiencing some form of toxic stress, these simple everyday actions are helpful tools for building your resilience.
Resilience through the power of positivity
Take a few minutes to list any 5 thoughts that are bothering you right now. Write them down on a piece of paper or in your device's notepad. Next to the column in which you listed negative thoughts, try replacing the negative thoughts with positive ones.
By simply replacing thoughts on paper, you can see how things can actually be perceived differently.
Some examples of thought replacement are shown in the table below:
| Negative thoughts | Alternative Positive Thoughts |
| 1. This will never go away | 1. I’ve already had this happen. |
| 2. I'm losing control of my life. | 2. I can take back control. |
| 3. I can never move on | 3. I have to wait a little, then I can move on |
| 4. I won't be able to make friends with anyone. | 4. I will try to make friends with some people. |
| 5. It’s better to remain silent so as not to be judged | 5. It's worth trying to talk |
Resilience through Gratitude
Gratitude is one of the most powerful emotions we can develop. When we learn to appreciate what we have, instead of complaining about what we don't have or what we've lost, we become more resilient than before.
We can keep journal where we list all the things we are grateful for, even in times of stress. Filling the journal columns will be a gentle reminder to us of all the good things in life. A weekly log might look something like this:
| I am thankful | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat | Sun |
| I have something many people don't have | — | — | — | — | — | — | — |
| 5 goals I achieved this week | — | — | — | — | — | — | — |
| 5 people who made me happy this week | — | — | — | — | — | — | — |
| my family is the best because | — | — | — | — | — | — | — |
| 5 good things that happened to me this week | — | — | — | — | — | — | — |
| Note to self: |
Resilience through self-awareness
Essentially, self-awareness is knowing the ABC's of our mind , where A is the cause that led to the current situation, B is the behavior or the way we have chosen to respond to it, and C is the effect. what our actions and emotions can bring.
AB-C identification makes a person more resilient and enables one to cope effectively with adversity. A simple daily exercise to practice:
| Stressors | Causes | Behavior (how I reacted to it) | Consequence (what was the effect of my reaction) |
| 1. | 1. | 1. | 1. |
| 2. | 2. | 2. | 2. |
| 3. | 3. | 3. | 3. |
| 4. | 4. | 4. | 4. |
| 5. | 5. | 5. | 5. |
Emotional stability of self-esteem
Below are ten statements that define you. Rate each statement from 0 to 5, where “0” means “Strongly disagree” and “5” means “Strongly agree.”
| Statement | Rating 0 - completely disagree 5 - completely agree | |||||
| 1. I trust myself | 0 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| 2. I am proud of my achievements | 0 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| 3. I have the strength to overcome difficulties. | 0 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| 4. I have people who love me. | 0 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| 5. I can handle criticism | 0 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| 6. I respect myself and others | 0 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| 7. I enjoy being part of society. | 0 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| 8. I am aware of my strengths and weaknesses. | 0 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| 9. I focus on solutions more than problems. | 0 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| 10. I love my life | 0 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| Total score |
Norm points
| Points | Interpretation |
| 0-15 | Low resilience (excessive sensitivity to stress, poor coping skills. |
| 16-30 | Moderate resilience (the ability to deal with stress and bounce back is there, but can still be improved with training and practice). |
| 31-50 | High emotional stability. |
Simple Meditation Exercises to Manage Stress
Courtney Clark, in her famous Ted talk on emotional resilience, mentioned that emotional resilience begins when we are able to use those coping mechanisms that we know exist but have never used before.
Guided meditation and mindfulness practices were positively associated with emotional resilience. The emotional turmoil that occurs after a stressful experience can be purposefully resolved by practicing simple meditation every day.
Emotional stability theory
Resilience theory has been an interesting area of research in the last few decades. In short, resilience theory, which covers a vast arena of empirical evidence that has been provided by psychologists, sociologists, neuroscientists, and social workers, is a collection of strengths that a person exhibits when dealing with unpleasant stress.
Resilience theory has encouraged individuals and professionals to focus more on strengths rather than abnormalities that cause stress. Emotional resilience theory may still be in its infancy, and there is plenty of room for many new ideas to be incorporated into it.
Noteworthy Research Findings on Resilience Theory
Rutter's theory
Professor Michael Rutter, a child psychiatrist in London who has devoted himself to studying resilience theory since the 1970s, stated that:
- Resilience is an interactive process that involves exposure to toxic stress that has a relatively positive outcome for the person experiencing it.
- He found that short-term exposure to risks such as temporary unemployment, natural disaster or separation can act as a trigger and influence the strength of resilience.
- His findings support the possibility of genetic influence on the degree of resistance with which a person is born. Why some people are more resistant at birth than others is, according to his findings, due to genetic predisposition.
Garmezy's theory
Norman Garmezy, a research originator and clinical psychologist at the University of Minnesota, based his empirical findings on emotional stability theory in 1991. His allegations were based on the fact that:
- Individual differences play an important role in determining the level of emotional stability.
- A person's community, family, and social environment influence his temperamental abilities and shape the way he perceives and responds to stress.
- Interventions should address all individual and environmental factors. Turning to anyone will not help in creating an overall strength of resilience.
Werner's theory
Emmy Werner's theory of resilience was primarily focused on children, but its findings are considered groundbreaking in the fields of modern social and applied psychology.
- Werner was the first to determine that resilience depends on age and gender. That boys and girls of different ages have different levels of resilience has been one of the main focuses of her research.
- She came up with the idea that sustainability is variable. This changes over time. In different stressful situations, we may respond with different levels of resilience.
Ungar's theory
Dr. Michael Ungar, founder of the International Center for Resilience Research in Canada and a recognized family therapist for over 25 years, has formulated the concept of the “Seven Tensions of Resilience”:
- Material resources.
- Relationship.
- Identity.
- Autonomy and control.
- Social justice.
- Cultural fit.
- Cohesion.
Important! Ungar suggested that these 7 forces that test emotional stability are present in all cultures, but how different people respond to the same experience depends on its cultural beliefs and manifestations.
Learn to plan your next day.
My friend often says that anyone can process an order, but only a genius can handle chaos. If you are a genius or a master of improvisation, then planning is not your thing. But if you are an ordinary person, not endowed with extraordinary capabilities, then the habit of planning your next day will come in handy.
No matter how you look at it, improv is a constant stress that keeps you on edge all day long. Anyone who is even a little afraid of uncertainty should avoid improvisation until he becomes proficient in everything he does, because uncertainty is the source of panic and fear.
Don’t believe those who say that living according to a plan is boring and the choice of mentally weak people. It is not true. This is the choice of professionals who put life productivity first and, as a rule, manage their time effectively.
Emotional resilience in social work
Emotional resilience is facilitated by factors that lie within us, factors that lie within the organization in which we work, and educational factors. When it comes to resilience in a profession, it is usually two-dimensional - the first dimension is the experience of adverse or stressful situations, and the second is coping with them skillfully.
There is no doubt that social work is a job that requires a great deal of emotional intelligence and empathy . Due to the nature of their work, social workers often have to hide or suppress their reactions to dominant authority or the enormous workload for which they are not paid.
Doing this for many years is undoubtedly stressful and can take a toll on workers' resilience and emotional tenacity.
Important! With a huge emphasis on the present, realistic expectations and commitment to the community, social workers can maintain their emotional stability during difficult times.
Simple stress tips for social workers
Louis Grant and Craig Thompson, in a survey of how social workers successfully manage their resilience, offered the following tips for managing stress at work:
- Join and be part of the community.
- Effective time management.
- Emotional awareness and empathy.
- Non-judgmental attitude.
- Separate spaces for work and family.
- Regular mindful and meditative practices.
- A positive and hopeful outlook.
- Proactive and willing to learn from past mistakes.
Emotional resilience in the workplace
Increasing employees' emotional stability can directly impact their overall productivity and help them maintain a better quality of life.
Research has shown that a significant proportion of workers who either quit or voluntarily leave their jobs do so because of personal stressors, such as terminal illness or the loss of a loved one.
Today, organizations are taking several successful initiatives to assess the emotional state of employees and managers and provide training to improve their resilience.
Developing resilience at work can seem difficult when the stress affecting job performance is not actually related to the job itself (such as conflict with coworkers, bullying, or personal stress).
While there is no denying that increasing sustainability is not a quick fix that starts working immediately, here are a few ways that can help professionals achieve sustainability in a professional installation.
Development of emotional stability
Developing emotional stability is about recognizing our inner capabilities. The only thing that differentiates an emotionally resilient person from an emotionally fragile person is how the person chooses to “react.”
Emotional resilience doesn't mean stress won't affect us or loss won't overwhelm us, it just means we still have the vision to stand up straight and keep moving forward.
What makes a person resilient?
Emotionally stable person:
- Aware of his thoughts, emotions and inner potential.
- Thinks before reacting.
- Patient, understanding and willing to adapt.
- Focused on finding solutions.
- Expresses emotions in a socially acceptable way.
- Does not incite negative emotions.
- Able to create and maintain long-term relationships.
- There is no shame in asking for help when they need it most.
- Believes in resolving conflicts through discussion.
Simple Ways to Build Resilience
- Be persistent. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones.
- Maintain a healthy lifestyle.
- Communicate often.
- Accept criticism.
- Meditate often.
- Explore your passions.
- Be grateful for the little things that make you smile.
Stress and grief are unchanging truths. But the benefit of meeting them is that they give us the opportunity to challenge ourselves and get out of our comfort zone. Resilience produces positive energy, which in turn produces positive results.
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Set your moral compass
Southwick and Charney found that emotionally stable people have a strong sense of right and wrong. Even when in a life-threatening situation, they always thought about others, not just themselves.
During the interviews, we realized that many resilient individuals had a strong sense of right and wrong, which strengthened them during periods of great stress and as they bounced back from shock. Selflessness, caring for others, helping without expecting a return benefit for oneself - these qualities are often the core of the value system of such people.
"Unbreakable: The Science of Confronting Life's Challenges"
