An identity crisis can occur in the life of every person. Life is a cruel joke: when you have all the cards in your hands, it suddenly asks you to play checkers. Many users of social networks have probably heard this expression. And one cannot but agree with him. Sometimes life's troubles, misunderstandings with others and problems in personal relationships unsettle you. But sometimes the situation gets worse. A person loses the meaning of life, faces depression and suffers from insomnia. This is how a personal crisis develops. How to deal with it?
What is an identity crisis
Translated from Greek, crisis is a decision or turning point. Essentially, this is a clash of old views and priorities with new ones. What previously seemed important and came first is relegated to the background. The methods used to achieve goals become less effective.
In psychology, an identity crisis is a state when a person can no longer be the same as before. He gets into a dead end, tries to find a way out and often does not find it.
Everyone who faces a crisis describes it differently:
- feeling of loneliness even among family and friends;
- tension, stiffness, emotional fatigue;
- an oppressive feeling of hopelessness from which you cannot hide;
- feeling of isolation from others;
- need for outside help;
- the desire to find a way out of the void as quickly as possible.
Many people feel like they are not living their own lives. It’s as if they are in a huge transparent ball, separating them from others.
A personality crisis can be identified even from the outside. It has a number of characteristic symptoms:
- Unstable emotional state. The person does not show interest in the events happening around him. It is difficult to make him smile or laugh sincerely. He doesn't express his feelings.
- Detachment. The “patient” is immersed in himself. He doesn’t care how his family and friends live. If someone tries to talk to him or provide help, irritability, anger and aggression appear.
- Sleep problems. Most often it is insomnia. A person sleeps poorly, often gets up during the night and, as a result, has difficulty waking up in the morning.
- Deterioration of health. Loss of appetite, which is why you constantly feel weak. Lack of sleep leads to discoloration of the skin and the appearance of dark circles under the eyes. A person often suffers from colds because his immune system cannot fully cope with its functions.
In especially severe cases, the help of a specialist is required.
Learn to positively assess a difficult situation
One of the traps of crisis situations that can incapacitate you for a long time is despondency. By falling into despondency, a person deprives himself of the opportunity to get out of a difficult situation; he seems to tie himself hand and foot with his negative emotions and deprive himself of the opportunity to move forward.
Instead of indulging in your sad thoughts, it is better to try to positively reframe the situation. Yes, such an action is not always easy, sometimes it is completely impossible, but in most situations, positive reframing is the right strategy in a difficult situation. It is difficult situations that can become a source for further personal growth, if only you learn to find the positives always and everywhere.
Causes of crisis and inhibition in personality development
A personal growth crisis develops for many reasons. They are associated both with everyday problems and with changes in consciousness due to age.
Lack of good motivation
It is almost impossible to force yourself to do anything if you don’t have the desire to do it. When you don’t have goals, you don’t want to move forward.
Financial difficulties
The most direct and cloudless road can easily be ruined by a lack of money. Especially if it arose unexpectedly, as they say, out of nowhere. This includes unexpected expenses, such as due to a serious illness or an unplanned move.
Feeling lazy
In this case, the person is his own enemy. He himself hinders his development. But you just need to put in a little effort, and the situation will change for the better.
Pressure from
Others do not accept those who behave differently from them. That's why they try to change such people. These attempts drive the latter into depression and dead end.
Age threshold
The most serious reason for the development of personal crises. According to psychologists, both children (3, 7, 14 years old) and adults (18, 30, 40, 60 years old) are susceptible to them. It is during these periods that a person rethinks his life, revises his priorities and values.
You can notice the onset of a crisis on the eve of your birthday. The birthday boy, instead of rejoicing, experiences incomprehensible anxiety and panic. He has a desire to draw a line under the past years and draw conclusions. He is worried about a lot of questions regarding what he managed or did not manage to do.
One or more specific situations
These include the death of a loved one, problems in a personal relationship, or a deterioration in one's financial situation. These situations always happen unexpectedly. After them, a new life begins, full of uncertainty and frightening unknown. This is what leads to the development of depression, which leads to failure in other areas.
Change of world view
The search for new guidelines and determination of priorities also lead to the development of an identity crisis. A person evaluates the lived period of time from the height of experience and tries to correct mistakes. This provokes the appearance of anxiety and depression.
Childhood - problems and guidelines
In children, crises are also associated with certain changes in their worldview, the acquisition of new skills, and knowledge of the world around them. Lev Vygotsky [1], a Soviet psychologist and founder of the cultural-historical school in psychology, called the most popular age-related crises in childhood:
- neonatal crisis – separates the embryonic period of development from infancy;
- 1 year crisis – separates infancy from early childhood;
- 3 year crisis – transition to preschool age;
- the 7-year-old crisis is the connecting link between preschool and school age;
- teenage crisis (13 years old).
It turns out that a little person, having just been born, is already going through a crisis. But regarding further crises in children, the opinions of psychologists differ. Thus, A. Leontyev argues that “In reality, crises are by no means inevitable companions of a child’s mental development. […] There may not be a crisis at all, because the child’s mental development is not spontaneous, but a reasonably controlled process—controlled by upbringing” [2].
Crisis periods in children are more age-related than in adults, as they are associated with the development of cognitive abilities and individual character traits.
In children under 7 years of age, crises are associated primarily with the desire for independence associated with the development of cognitive needs, and the accompanying prohibitions of adults.
But at the age of approximately 7.5-8.5 years, the child develops a so-called sense of psychological autonomy (later, student-aged youth often experience something similar). The most difficult thing for parents is to determine the necessary degree of independence for children during these age-related crises. Gross violations of a child’s personal boundaries, severe restrictions on his attempts to understand the world and make independent decisions, as a rule, have sad consequences in adult life .
According to psychologists, such children, as a rule, grow up to be very indecisive, uninitiative and shy people who turn out to be uncompetitive in the labor market and unadapted to adult life, and also avoid responsibility for their actions. Therefore, the main advice is to find compromises with the child, develop the ability to negotiate, justify prohibitions, and most importantly, show respect and attention to children, their desires and choices.
Stages of development of an identity crisis
Like any disease, an identity crisis has several forms. Each of them has its own symptoms and signs.
Immersion phase
It begins with an unreasonable deterioration in health. A person experiences tension and stiffness, excessive fatigue and constant tiredness. His actions are chaotic and even senseless.
At this stage it is difficult to concentrate on one thing. Hundreds of thoughts are swarming in my head. They pull out the most unpleasant moments from memory. Over time, consciousness turns into a black hole that sucks in more and more.
Deadlock stage
It seems to a person that he is left completely alone. He finds nothing better than to withdraw into himself. Nothing good comes from this dive. Endless introspection and thinking about the past only intensifies the experience.
The oppressive feeling of loneliness brings with it fear and uncertainty. At some point, emotional exhaustion begins. On the one hand, this is bad. But on the other hand, the person finally understands that he needs to look for a way out of the current situation. The best part is that he has the desire and strength to act.
Crucial moment
Despite the decline in moral and physical strength, a person begins to pull himself out of a state of crisis. He no longer hides inside himself, clears his consciousness of non-working attitudes and opens up to new experiences and ideas.
At this stage, it seems that the world has taken on different colors. Lightness, a sense of freedom and, most importantly, the meaning of life appear. Plus, a person sets goals, albeit small, but quite achievable.
How to make it easier for yourself to cope with a crisis
There are several ways to cope with an identity crisis. The main thing is to recognize the presence of the “disease” and be ready to take decisive action.
Make an action plan
To do this you will need a blank sheet of paper and a pen. You need to write down everything that causes unpleasant emotions and dissatisfaction, and also identify the area of life in which problems have arisen. This will help to see the cause of the crisis. Often it is on the surface.
Afterwards you need to write what to do next, how to get out of the crisis. The last step is putting the plan into action. It will be effective only in cases where it exactly meets a number of requirements:
- There is a clear goal. A person knows exactly what he wants: change his field of activity, get a second education, start a family, etc.
- Motive identified. There may be two, three or more. The main thing is that among them the most important one stands out.
- Search parameters are defined. You need to accurately describe your desires, needs and dreams. This applies to absolutely everything: daily routine, future work, relationships with family and friends, leisure, vacation, etc. It is important to see goals and know ways to achieve them.
- Understand what is needed to change the situation and overcome the crisis. For example, to change jobs you need to take advanced training courses or at least study the job market. And to make new acquaintances, you need to visit public places as often as possible and spend more time communicating, both on social networks and in person.
- Follow the plan exactly. Under no circumstances should you allow yourself to relax. It takes time to achieve visible results. Therefore, do not panic if it seems that all your efforts have been made in vain.
It is also important to praise yourself even for the slightest successes. If you see only negative aspects, you can lose control over the current situation. Praise will help you concentrate, become more confident and move on.
Find support
As stated above, in the first two stages of the development of the “disease,” a person seeks solitude. He feels good about himself. However, to improve the situation, you need to remain open to communication. You can tell anyone about your experiences: your spouse, relative, boyfriend or girlfriend, or even a casual acquaintance on social networks. The main thing is that the person is sympathetic and interested in a sincere conversation.
At the very beginning of the conversation, you need to ask the person not to interrupt or judge. His goal is to listen carefully and, if possible, support.
It is important that the conversation is as honest and confidential as possible.
Find inner support
This is difficult to do. Especially when the world around has turned upside down. However, this is one of the most effective ways to survive an identity crisis.
So, confidence in justice, in the benevolence or kindness of people acts as an internal support. A person needs to understand that he, like everyone else, is part of this world and plays an important role in its structure. Awareness of your own worth helps cope with despair and loneliness, as well as overcome anxiety and panic.
Experience everything that happens to you
You should not run away from your emotions, even if they are not entirely pleasant. This is our life and there is no escape from it. Therefore, you need to feel all the current situations, and then draw conclusions from them. This will help you realize your mistakes and gain invaluable experience.
Be prepared for unexpected discoveries
They won't always be happy. Perhaps during a crisis, not very pleasant qualities will be revealed, for example, laziness or envy. Or maybe the person will understand that in fact he is not as kind as he wants to appear to people. In any case, you will have to accept the new yourself.
Over time, you will realize that the world around you is not always bright and colorful. Sometimes it is painted in gray tones. This is called accepting things as they are.
Catch the rhythm of life
Every person has it. But during a crisis it gets a little confusing. There are three ways to return to your normal lifestyle:
- Pay attention to natural rhythms. This could be the sound of rain, the sound of a waterfall, etc.
- Join the mechanical ones - the ticking of a clock, the sound of wheels on a train.
- Take advantage of the rhythms of other people's lives. This includes singing, dancing, and round dances.
Each of these options helps you find your own rhythm and bring back your zest for life.
Talk to people who have already experienced a personal crisis
Why do this? There are two reasons:
- Conversation helps get rid of the feeling of loneliness that haunts everyone who is faced with an identity crisis.
- Other people's experience makes it possible to find new ways of experiencing one's own crisis.
All people are different. What helps one often turns out to be of no use to another. But why not try using the tips?
Try new things
This advice continues the previous one. Don’t immediately rush to look for and implement new ideas. It is better to wait for the time when a stable desire to act appears. A good example is a parachute jump. If you do it in a state of despair and impasse, the situation will only worsen. If the crisis is left behind, the jump will bring a sea of positive emotions and a charge of vigor.
Psychologists recommend listening to your inner self. If new desires and needs appear, they need to be satisfied as quickly as possible.
Remember that the crisis is over
To a person facing an identity crisis, it seems that there is no end or edge to the problems. He is overwhelmed by a feeling of hopelessness and despair. In this case, the only thing that can help is the realization that sooner or later there will be light at the end of the tunnel. How quickly it appears depends entirely on the person himself.
Don’t rush yourself and give honest answers to questions that arise.
Another type of incorrect behavior in a crisis situation is to try to solve the problem as quickly as possible, without even bothering to look deep into yourself and understand what you really want.
What is vitally important to give yourself during a crisis is time. Give yourself a little time until the first waves of strong emotional experiences subside, and at one point you will ask yourself fateful questions: what to do next? What do I want to get from this life? Where should I go? If you give yourself the opportunity to reflect on these questions and try to give yourself absolutely honest answers to them, then the crisis can turn into the beginning of a new stage in life.
