There is intense debate about the existence of female friendship. Some of the fair sex firmly believe in her, others do not even hide the fact that there is no friendship between women and cannot be - only rivalry, albeit hidden.
They can maintain a relationship for decades or become friends on some common ground, for example, when they work together or take their children to the same kindergarten group.
For the most part, representatives of the fair sex do not know how to make friends the way men do, but they sincerely need to communicate with their own kind, no matter what they mean by the concept of “communication.” But even this communication has its own rules.
Conspiracy for a strong friendship with a specific person
In life, as popular wisdom says, a person only has one true friend. But sometimes situations occur when two friendly people quarrel with each other. The reasons may vary.
In order to make peace with a loved one, buy a cute, inexpensive souvenir. Pack it beautifully and read the spell over it:
“Lord, our God! Help me melt the heart of my dear friend (name). Let him forgive me (name), if I have offended him in any way and placed resentment in his heart. Let his eyes light up at the sight of me, like the stars in the sky. Let flowers scatter in his soul when communicating with me. Bless our friendship, forever and ever. Let it be. Amen."
After the gift is prepared, it must be presented to the future owner on the same day. When you present a gift, wish with all your heart what you read about in the plot.
Afterword
Is a friend different from a friend, a good acquaintance? Yes. We turn to friends in order to share joy, share impressions, and to solve a difficult life problem, to ask for help and support. Friends are needed for a pleasant holiday. However, in the perception of some people these terms do not differ.
But friendship does not depend on gender, but its different types have their own characteristics. We talked about this in the articles “Friendship between a man and a woman: myth or reality. What psychology says”, “Male and female friendship: what is the difference, whose is stronger. Is it true that male friendship is stronger than female friendship?
When can you use spells?
Like all rituals, it is better to plan rituals to attract friendship for any day during the waxing moon - at this time the celestial body emits powerful energy that enhances all magical effects.
It is worth preparing for reading the plot, because its success largely depends on the emotional state of the person. It is important to concentrate on your own desire, clearly understanding the end goal, imagining what your life will look like when you have friends nearby. Meditation, prayer, and visiting church will help you cleanse yourself of unnecessary negative emotions.
An important condition is a sincere belief that higher powers will help you find a soul mate. And you shouldn’t tell anyone (especially the object of the conspiracy) about the ritual performed - this can lead to a lack of results.
Using white magic to make new friends is the best solution.
Be active in communication with friends
When people are busy, they often think of friends only when they need something. And this is not the right solution to the question of how to be friends correctly. The problem is that this behavior makes it look like you don't really care about your friend. Instead, you just want to be with her when it suits you.
There's nothing wrong with asking your friend for a favor, but make sure you're actively maintaining your friendship first. Call people to find out how they are doing, send an email, or simply write on their wall on Facebook or VK. Communicate with your friends regularly so that they understand that you are a sincere person.
How to make peace
Let's move on to the main point. How can you make peace with your close friend and not aggravate the situation by proving who is right and who is wrong?
How to make peace with a friend?
- Realize that both sides are always to blame in a conflict
Even if you are absolutely sure that she is to blame, you also did not silence the conflict, but somehow reacted. Or perhaps some of your actions led to a conflict situation and its reaction.
- Call or write
Sometimes you may not have the courage to call. Or maybe your friend doesn't answer the phone. Then you can write to her on social networks, or you can use the good old mail. When writing, you can write everything you feel and about all your experiences during the conflict itself and after it.
- Don't blame your friend
You can only be responsible for your actions, words and emotions. You have already quarreled enough; at the moment of reconciliation, it is important to take part of the responsibility for the conflict upon yourself. It will be fair. And even if you don’t make peace, you certainly won’t quarrel any more.
- Be sincere and honest
Both in front of himself and in front of her. To yourself for your feelings, and to her in your desire to make peace.
- Listen
It is very important to hear not only yourself, but also your friend in a conflict. Give her the opportunity to say everything she feels and what she sees as the cause of your conflict. Believe me, your opinions may be completely different. And it will be great if you can listen without interrupting each other or imposing your point of view.
- Don't remember the past
Don't do this if your relationship is important to you. Everything that happened before your conflict should remain in the past. Otherwise, you may get into a new quarrel, which may completely end in a break in the friendship. If it is important for you to remember something from the past, do it later. And approach the moment of discussion very delicately. But think several times whether you want to dredge up the past. And is it really that important compared to the present?
- Don't be afraid to look stupid
Your ego will not collapse if you are the first to reconcile. If friendship means something more to you than just a nice word, no one will laugh at you. But you can save your friendship. And if you want to cry when you meet, that’s also normal. It is much worse when you lose close relationships because of pride.
What are its disadvantages
Freelance writer Moya Lothian-Maclean and lifestyle editor at Metro.co.uk explained on BBC radio program Woman's Hour that the best friend code is useless. For example, Lothian-Maclean believes that it was created only so that some women control the behavior of others. As an example, Moya recalls her school days: she studied at a girls' grammar school.
The number of boys who could study with us was extremely limited. So, of course, we had a certain “women’s code”, but it was inevitably violated. At the same time, the schoolgirls still had a tool for control.
According to Lottie-McLean, the term “best friend code” itself deserves more important rules than the banal sharing of exes. Some Urban Dictionary users partly agree with her, highlighting many other points that characterize a true female connection. So, a soul mate is almost obliged to notice all the changes in the appearance of close women, not to leave them alone at parties - you never know what can happen to them. This also includes mutual assistance in difficult situations, control over a friend’s movements while she is drunk or not feeling well.
Ellen Scott even argues that the very concept of such a code should disappear. She is sure: people do not choose who they will fall in love with here and now, they cannot simply be told not to maintain a relationship with the object of interest, even if their friend likes him.
For that matter, it is strange that such codes regulate the norms of behavior for women, while men rarely care about such things. They easily go on dates with their friends' ex-partners, and this does not cause a strong reaction from anyone. There is also an element of possessiveness in such a code: a woman seems to be saying to her friend: “I met this guy a couple of months ago, so he remains mine, no matter what happens between us next.”
Both Lottie-McLean and Scott come to this conclusion: the BFF code robs women of warmth, replacing it with a rat race where the main prize is a man's attention. They note that the idea of sisterhood promoted by feminism could be a worthy replacement for the code.
What to do if your friend doesn't want to communicate
In this case, when a person close to you does not make contact and completely ignores requests for a meeting, then act like this:
- Write SMS on social networks. Surely interest will prevail and she will read the message. Talk about your emotions and feelings. Then all that remains is to wait for an answer.
- Leave everything for a while. Give her time to think and draw the right conclusions. When the storm subsides, you will definitely talk.
A strong quarrel can break a friendship forever. You need to start from the cause of the scandal and act as your heart tells you.
If a child is bullied in the yard or on the playground, what should you do?
Parents should remember that as soon as a child goes to the playground, various conflict situations can potentially develop: an accidentally broken sand cake, selected toys, a desire to ride on a busy swing, etc. There can be a huge number of variations in the development of events: they called you an offensive word, they weren’t invited to the game or they weren’t invited to visit; and sometimes this results in boycotts and systematic persecution.
Let's try to figure out how a parent should behave in this or that situation?
Observation from the outside
Try monitoring your child remotely. Is it easy for him to find contact? Is he looking for a way out of a difficult situation or is he immediately running for help? How does he react to a conflict situation, injustice, aggression?
Stop the aggression
If a parent does not come to the rescue in moments of aggression, the child may feel abandoned and will avoid communication next time in order to avoid getting into a similar situation again.
Don't leave your child alone with difficulties
Try to discuss the problem the child has, as well as ways to solve it in the current situation. If the help you provide is timely, the child will gain experience in overcoming an obstacle.
You should not solve problems instead of your child. Only together, supporting and suggesting options.
Avoid trespassing on property
If a child is ready to share toys, that’s great, but if there is no such readiness, don’t force him to do it “under pressure.” It is unlikely that you will like the situation if you are asked to share your cosmetic bag, dress, laptop, etc. with your neighbor on the landing. Your child experiences approximately the same emotions.
Read a detailed interview with a psychologist on the topic of Children’s conflicts: how to teach a child to stand up for himself?
To summarize, I would like to wish all of us, parents, to be friends with our children: respect them, accept them as they are. This will help them in communication and friendship. Parental respect will become the foundation for the further development of communicative and trusting relationships with other people.
And even though it is not as easy for modern children to find friends and comrades as it was for previous generations, it is in our power, as parents, to show them a personal example of true friendship!
Essential Qualities for a Good Friendship
Let's look in a little more detail at the qualities that a person needs for a good friendship.
Goodwill
Kindness is the ability to see the good in a person. A friendly person is open to new acquaintances, knows how to support and help, and emphasizes the advantages of his opponent. Also, benevolence implies the ability and desire to selflessly help others.
Peacefulness
This is the opposite of conflict. Please note that this is not about hushing up contradictions, but about the ability to compromise, listen and hear the other person. Some people conflict for the sake of conflict and look for a reason to “get into trouble” with someone. A peace-loving person does everything to prevent conflicts, for example, defuses a tense atmosphere with a joke, behaves tactfully and chooses expressions, and looks for a unique approach to each person.
Note! Peace-loving people reserve the right for themselves and other people to make mistakes, and know how to forgive and apologize.
Lack of selfishness
Nobody wants to be a tool in the wrong hands. But egoists are friends only for this purpose: they use other people to satisfy their personal needs and interests. In order to be a good friend, you need to be able to care and think not only about yourself, but also about others. It is important to take into account the interests, needs, desires, and experiences of another person.
Devotion
This is what makes friendship different from other relationships. Loyalty is the ability to be faithful even in difficult periods of life. A good friend does not refuse help, even when he himself is feeling bad. He does not refuse a person if he has done a bad thing or said something rashly. A good friend understands everything and stays with his friend until the very end.
How to teach children to be friends with their peers
Category: Articles
Tags: education, Children, psychology, parents
Advice from psychologists
Children need to be taught to make friends - yes, yes, such seemingly natural relationships do not appear out of nowhere. The ability for friendship is not absorbed with mother’s milk; children need to be explained the rules of interaction in a team and their significance. To teach a child to be friends with other children, as practice shows, you need to make a lot of effort. Children's friendship is a real success, because a child who has a friend is more protected, his level of psychological comfort is much higher than that of a loner.
What is friendship?
This is interaction with the people around you. If previously a child had enough communication with his mother and other family members, then from the age of three he gradually begins to be interested in his peers. How to interact with them? In many ways, the success or failure of a relationship depends on what communication skills the child has mastered when interacting with his parents. Relationships with peers are a turbulent life on the border of one’s own self. How to teach a child friendship, to make sure that he is not an outcast in the children's group? The problem of children's friendship in psychology: movement inward and outward
Friendship is an important aspect in a child’s life, because it is on the border of one’s own “I” that the most interesting things happen: the child invites something or someone and lets them in, and tries to protect himself from something or someone. And this is important for both psychological and physical health. If we talk about the physical level, our body needs the intake of air, food, water and the removal of carbon dioxide, sweat, urine, etc. At the psychological level, such movement in and out is carried out by our needs.
The needs associated with movement outward are the so-called aggressive needs. These include both the need to protect one’s own territory and actions related to expanding one’s own boundaries and capabilities (enrolling in a university, declaring one’s love, etc.). The fulfillment of these needs is important and useful, but only in an acceptable form.
For example, if your husband makes you angry, you don't hit him in the face with a shovel like a little girl in the sandbox, but you express your feelings with your voice, gestures, and I-messages.
Another example: if you are in love, then you do not attack a person with kisses, but present your feelings differently, for example, like Tatyana Onegin. A person’s inability to express his needs associated with movement beyond his own inner world leads to the accumulation of internal energy, which can manifest itself in uncontrollable outbursts of anger and rage. It’s good if anger and rage, as they say, serve simply to “let off steam.” It’s worse if the accumulated internal energy finds a way out not in anger and rage, but in chronic illnesses or in a feeling of dissatisfaction with oneself and one’s life.
The needs associated with movement inward are designed to provide our body and our personality with something new, pleasant, and useful. If we talk about love in the context of this type of need, then in order to love and be loved, you need to be able not only to defend yourself, attack, conquer and master, but also to accept, let in, listen. That is, to be able to accept gifts, including the gift of love.
In a healthy psychological process, the needs associated with movement inward and the needs associated with movement outward continuously replace one another.
As for the psychology of children's friendship, in this case the child must be able to make acquaintances, accept love, recognition and stand up for himself in a team. So friendship between children is a phenomenon of constant compromises.
Each person himself regulates the mode of opening and closing his borders, gradually learning to let in what is useful and reject what is harmful to his inner world. The development of this mechanism is inextricably linked with the awareness of one’s feelings, needs and ways of constructively presenting them to the world.
It would be a mistake to think that the problem of children's friendship will resolve itself as soon as the baby begins to go out into the yard, at the age of three or four years. Of course, the child begins to communicate with peers with already developed skills of fusion, pressure or cooperation. Nurturing Friendship
Among the most common problems in children's groups are fights, that is, the inability to talk constructively about one's anger; isolation - fear of presenting yourself, your feelings and desires; the desire to dominate - the realization of the need for love through intimidation; as well as the manifestation of hysterical methods of interaction, clinginess, long-term grievances, the desire to impose one’s desires on others.
The psychology of children's friendship is not selfish; everything has its source. The stormy rivers of children's problems carry within them the waters of parental attitudes, feelings, fears, restrictions and difficulties. But before moving on to the advice of psychologists that can help children in their difficulties, you need to plunge into parental difficulties.
To make a child’s life on the playground and in the company of peers happy, to help the child make friends, as practice shows, two things are enough: - adhere to the rules of showing emotions and presenting needs; - and be sure to be just as attentive to your desires and feelings.
The ability of parents to correctly present and fulfill their needs helps the child develop the skill of cooperation with both adults and peers. Paying attention not only to the child’s needs, but also to your own, as well as finding constructive ways to meet them, will help you discover and delineate the boundary between you and your son or daughter, especially as the baby grows, becomes an adult and learns to listen to the world around him. In the process of nurturing friendship, remember that for children you are the very first, most natural and accessible trainer in terms of communication and interaction with the world. Only you can teach your child to defend himself when needed and to ask for help and attention when needed.
Of course, parents have to sacrifice a lot of their needs with the birth of a child. Sometimes, for example, even the time when mom or dad takes a shower is determined by the baby. Parenthood, in addition to tenderness, joy, pride, tenderness and love, imposes on us the need for enormous daily work. That is why parents become parents not at five or twelve years old, but at that age when a person is able to temporarily sacrifice his needs for the sake of another small creature. The key word here is “for a while.” For both children and parents, the laws of fulfilling needs work the same way. The fulfillment of needs can be postponed for a while, the frequency and form of their satisfaction can be changed, but it is impossible to completely get rid of the desire to improve, learn new things, or simply relax! True children's friendship in a team
For long-term friendly relationships in a team, it is important to be able to show not only friendliness and goodwill, but also to be able to defend one’s interests without destroying friendly relations.
Being friendly and kind is a wonderful attitude or attitude to start a relationship, but unfortunately, this is not enough for a long friendship. It is impossible to enjoy each other endlessly. It is impossible to have the same desires, the same aspirations, the same opinions about all events, phenomena and objects and, thanks to this, remain in an idyllic state of fusion. A difference in views will certainly give rise to a dispute, a difference in needs will lead to the need to identify and defend them. On the one hand, this is a simple truth, on the other hand, it is an insurmountable barrier for many relationships, and not only children’s ones.
The most difficult stage in the development of any unions (love, friendship, child-parent) is the realization that your partner, although similar to you in many ways, is a different being from you, and much in his vision does not coincide with your point of view. Accepting this difference makes relationships deeper and more interesting - one where there is room not only for friendly head nodding, but also for contradictions and arguments. At this stage, two different worlds come into contact, understanding and accepting their differences. As practice shows, it is impossible to teach a child to be friends without understanding and recognizing the differences between people, without respect for other people’s needs. Without this, only an unhealthy merger can become the basis of the relationship. And this, in turn, inevitably leads to resentment - we were deceived! - or feeling guilty because we did not live up to the expectations of another.
How to teach a child to be friends with peers, to always be a welcome member of the children's team? Help in getting through this difficult stage in a relationship will be the ability to respect the feelings and desires of the other, as well as the skills to establish and defend your priorities. Moreover, it will not work to defend, having only compliments and friendly smiles in your arsenal. So you need to give your child additional behavior patterns that will help maintain both friendship and his own individuality. Strong friendship at school
If you noticed, children do not like those who boss them around all the time, but they also do not respect those who cannot stand up for themselves. A new fairy tale will help your child learn to communicate his needs to others and listen to other people's desires. As you probably already understood, the main training ground will again be your relationship with him.
Strong friendship between children at school is impossible without the ability to express one’s desire and respect the desires of another - this is the main skill of productive communication. This is exactly what you can successfully practice in your relationship with your child. Pay attention: how often do you neglect your child’s wishes or your own? What motivates you to act this way?
If we take natural tendencies in the formation of communication skills with peers, then interest in other children arises in children aged four to five years. When playing, kids of this age mainly reproduce the actions and actions of people well known to them: moms and dads. From the age of five, children's play becomes more complex.
On the one hand, children want to remain “like everyone else,” to have similar toys and notebooks. On the other hand, children who can offer something extraordinary are popular. It is important to help your child find a balance between the desire to be like others and the desire to be special. Such duality of aspirations is inherent in man in general and clearly manifests itself during each of the age-related crises, which can also be observed in our first-graders who are overcoming the crisis of six or seven years.
To teach your child to be friends with classmates as closely as possible, help your child come up with interesting, original ideas. Treat your child's desire to be like others with respect and understanding. This can be a real help in making friends and helping to comfortably join the school community. The child develops his main arsenal of communication skills with peers when communicating with his parents. By not skimping on messages of love towards the child, parents help the first-grader to be friendly, and by demonstrating by example the ability to stand up for oneself and listen to the desires of others, they will give the right direction on the path to building long and respectful relationships. It is important to help your child find a balance between the desire to be like others and the desire to be special.
Source: vkapuste.ru
