Have you been unable to find a girl for a long time? Have you never had a girlfriend in your life? There is an illusion that there is not enough necessary information to achieve this goal. You look for articles on the Internet, go to psychological or pickup forums, study all sorts of theories of seduction, look at the experiences of other people, collect information about the psychology of women, study their needs. Are you figuring out how to set up a date, what to say, how to lead the conversation to a topic?
And still there is not enough information, it always seems that you haven’t learned something yet, haven’t understood something, so you go deeper into the theory again and again. You are constantly delaying taking action. Sometimes you make timid attempts to talk to someone, to get to know someone. You are held back by some internal brakes, and you still can’t make up your mind. When communicating with girls you feel constrained, you cannot openly say that you like someone, but you talk around the bush, not to the point. And there are many other reasons why you postpone the active phase of dating.
If you take action, you make only a few attempts that are not crowned with success. Failures constrain you even more; you don’t want to try again, lest you again feel a painful feeling of awkwardness. You give up, gloomy thoughts appear that you are not destined to ever find a mate, you become scared of remaining a virgin for life, scared that no one will ever love you because of some kind of ugliness. You begin to blame nature itself for being born so insecure. Aggression towards your parents appears for raising you to be such a complex person.
It seems that the situation is hopeless, that it will never end. Friends and acquaintances already have couples, some have already started families, maybe some of your friends constantly brag about their sexual adventures, and you have to lie about your own, fictitious ones. This is very sad. The feeling that no one likes you, that no one will ever love you is very painful, it is very difficult to live with.
Dating goals
To meet representatives of the opposite sex, you need to define your goals. It is best that both partners have them the same. Then there will be no disagreements on the first date or later. Most often, men set themselves the following goals:
- Meet a woman to start a family or serious relationship.
- Find a permanent girl for a romantic relationship.
- Meet a girl for friendship.
- Dating for an intimate relationship.
How to become an optimist if you are a pessimist - is this realistic and what to do?
After determining the goal, you need to create an image in the head of your future partner in order to have a certain reference point. To do this, the following qualities are assessed:
- External data (hair color, eye color, body composition, height);
- Character traits (kindness, audacity, humility, pliability and others);
- A woman's intelligence (ability to maintain and develop a conversation).
The most ideal option for a man is a woman who suits him in appearance, is beautiful for him, and also knows how to carry on a conversation well.
Important! Nowadays, not only men, but also women meet for sexual relations.
Girl with a red dress and a bicycle
Businesswomen and business partner seekers
Yes, yes, yes, such people are present here too. From all kinds of coaches who, as I assume, are gaining an audience here, to real businesswomen who write like this: I’m looking for a business partner, don’t bother me with any romantic proposals. Just think about it: don’t bother with romantic proposals. On Tinder! Don't bother with romantic proposals! It's like going to the meat aisles at the Central Market and asking them to pick out an evening dress for you, but under no circumstances offering you pork entrecote or beef tenderloin.
Perhaps I'm starting to guess how Lady Gaga's famous meat dress, which she wore to the MTV Video Music Awards ten years ago, came to be.
Where are these ladies from? No, really? What do they think they'll find here? Maybe someone made a joke on them and instead of a link to Linkedin sent them Tinder with a note: “There are excellent stock traders here, especially bears and bulls.” And I added a smiley face at the end.
No, you can easily meet bulls here. I think there are bears too. I even suspect that there are a lot of goats. But you certainly shouldn’t look for business partners among them. Well, we are not in the 1990s, dear ladies. The maximum is still the end of the 1930s.
Are you a homebody?
The armchair troops replenish their ranks with recruits every day. It doesn’t matter what is the reason that you may not leave your home for days on end, but you will never have a girlfriend. It might be worth visiting more often :
- bars;
- museums;
- shopping centers.
These are classic public places where a huge number of couples meet every day.
You can try going to a nightclub if you are interested in fleeting romances. In any case, even if 9 out of 10 girls refuse you, there will certainly be one who will say “yes”. Not forgetting that the level of socialization directly affects the effectiveness of communication with people.
With each failure, the probability of a subsequent one will rapidly decrease , which will certainly lead to the desired result. How quickly you achieve it depends only on your determination, but first, be sure to get out of your comfort zone.
Hiding your true intentions after making contact
Let's say you met a girl and continue to communicate. However, the fear of rejection makes many guys hide the real reason why they started dating in the first place. Young people can spend weeks with the beauty they like exclusively in a friendly manner, so as not to accidentally ruin everything.
The fact is that while you are waiting for the right moment and telling very interesting stories from your childhood, and then giving a lecture on modern cinema, your more determined rival may invite her on a romantic date. The likelihood of falling into the notorious “friend zone” increases every hour in anticipation of the “right moment,” or do you even think that the girl herself will suddenly begin to show ambiguous interest?
Don’t be tormented, and admit your sympathy if you feel that the format of your communication does not suit you . If a cold reaction follows, it will immediately become clear that time is not worth wasting.
How things have changed
How did I manage to change my reclusive lifestyle? This was facilitated by a number of external circumstances, which triggered internal changes, which led to changes in external circumstances, which stimulated internal changes, which...
The habit of being among people
It all started when I met a person with whom we decided to create a marketing agency, and in order to save on an office, we began to work at my home. As a result, we spent the whole day together, plus we had to communicate a lot with clients and our team. After a period of seclusion, it was difficult, but gradually I got used to being among people. However, globally nothing has changed in my worldview. I was still afraid of company and believed that a serious relationship was not in the cards for me.
And people aren't that scary
My worldview began to change when I went to group therapy. Group therapy is a good trainer for shy people who live their fantasies about other people (I wrote about it in detail here). The main effect of group therapy is that you understand that all people are alike. Everyone has their own troubles, difficulties, fears, everyone wants happiness, respect, recognition, love, everyone is trying to achieve this, albeit sometimes in very crooked ways.
The cool thing about group therapy is that thanks to it I learned:
- make it clear what people think
. This is important, because a huge pile of conflicts and the desire to stay away from everyone arise due to fantasies that other people think nasty things about us. - talk about your needs
. In the group, I learned, for example, to attract attention to myself: “Friends, give me some time, I need to puff up” and to defend my interests: “Listen, I don’t need advice now, I want you to support me.” This helped to be in contact with people, not to ignore one’s own needs and maintain autonomy. - value yourself more
. The group members talked about what personal qualities they liked about me and what they valued me for. Such feedback increased my self-confidence, and, as a result, it was much easier for me to withstand criticism. Now I no longer wallowed in shame if communication went wrong: “Yes, I didn’t manage to make a funny joke, so what? Happens". - It’s easier to treat yourself and others
. When self-confidence appears, you no longer need to seek solace in fantasies about your imaginary superiority. How was it before? “Even though my life is a complete mess and I have nothing to brag about, but in reality I wow! I just haven’t shown myself yet.” At the same time, this allows us to see in other people simply people with their own characteristics, good things and weaknesses, and not fantastic ideals or pathetic nonentities.
It may seem that the group is to blame for all my changes. This is not entirely true, the group allows you to recharge your confidence and try new behavior, first in a safe situation in the group itself, and then transfer it into everyday life.
Love!
And then I really liked one girl, and I asked her out on a date. And if earlier it would hardly have gone well, since I would definitely have screwed myself up, fantasized that I didn’t like him, and would have ruined everything, now everything went perfectly. The first date was followed by a second, and a year later we got married.
And comparing my feelings from loneliness and from living together, I can say that together it is much better (and I say this not only because my wife reads me :)) It’s difficult to explain, but your loved one seems to complement you, makes you whole and more harmonious.
Present yourself to the world
Of course, compared to everything else, this is a trifle, but I would like to mention the training, which also triggered interesting changes. The funny thing is that it was training on... vocals. What does the vocals have to do with it?
But tell me, can you afford to sing loudly? Most people need vodka and karaoke for this, otherwise it’s strange and indecent. But in the same way, in our culture it is not customary to shine, to attract attention, to be noticeable, and indeed to be. In order for your voice to open up, you need to loosen up, and a fair part of the training was devoted to not holding back yourself, straightening your shoulders and finding your voice.
The results were interesting. We sang songs in chorus for three days, and my voice did not weaken, although for this I just need to talk loudly for a couple of hours (for example, give a lecture to a large audience). But what’s even more curious is that immediately after the training I started a blog, where for the first time I dared to publish personal texts and exhibit my drawings.
The most useful materials for those who need a girl
In this block, I will recommend you the four best courses for guys who want to quickly and easily find a girl and build a happy relationship with her.
How to meet a girl on the Internet for sex or relationship
Description. The course talks about all the intricacies of online dating. You will learn how to properly design your pages on social networks or on special dating applications, clearly tell a girl about your goals, and conduct correspondence correctly.
After completing the training, you will easily write to girls and you will have several potential partners. All that remains is to choose one of them and start something more serious with it.
The course is suitable for everyone. It doesn't matter how old you are, what you look like, or where you work. If you want to meet people online instead of pestering girls on the street, seeking reciprocity, this is the place for you.
Author : Roman Vinilov.
Cost: from 4,900 rub.
Find out more and sign up
God of dating from Egor Sheremetyev
Description. The trick of this program is that it teaches you how to get to know everyone and everyone for all sorts of purposes. How to meet a girl who is at a higher social status, how to meet two girls at once, how to meet a beautiful girl who now has a boyfriend or is even married, how to meet online or offline.
There is theoretical material, usually in the format of text or video lessons, and practical exercises. Students begin to practice after the first lessons. In the course you will also find many videos in which Egor meets personally or his students meet. Look at dating principles in action and evaluate the results.
There are three tariffs, the cost of each is different - go to the course page and study.
Author: Egor Sheremetyev.
Cost: from 14,900 rub.
Find out more and sign up
Fearless: How to Overcome Insecurities and Start Meeting Girls
Description. I recommend this program primarily to those who are afraid, shy, complex and still live alone. You will learn how easy it is to become a confident man, stop being afraid to approach a girl on the street, and worry about the reaction of others.
Egor Sheremetyev will also tell you how to become the man that women are always crazy about, which distinguishes guys who easily build relationships from losers who suffer alone.
Author : Egor Sheremetyev.
Cost: 5,750 rub.
Find out more and sign up
How to meet and seduce a girl
Description . Egor Sheremetyev has been advising boys and men on relationship issues for more than 10 years. During this time, he conducted thousands of individual consultations, answered a huge number of letters from those who are unable to find a girl and plunge into love with her.
One hundred of the most difficult and problematic questions became the basis of this course. Egor answers them within four hours. You can purchase and watch a recording of his answers.
According to the men who bought this course, everyone can find a solution to their problems in it. Absolutely everyone. Let this program be your spectacular start in the world of relationships.
Author : Egor Sheremetyev.
Cost: 997 rubles.
Find out more and sign up
Macho Tinder
Description. Another cool program. Suitable for those who want to meet people through Tinder, Badoo and other similar applications. It's easy, but there are some subtleties that distinguish these applications from social networks and other resources. And Andrey Korepov will tell you in detail about all these subtleties.
The course also contains a lot of psychological material - how to react to refusals, how not to be shy and not to be afraid of anything, how to increase self-confidence despite some shortcomings in appearance, low earnings, lack of a good education, etc.
Author: Andrey Korepov (student of Egor Sheremetyev).
Cost: 6,990 rub.
Find out more and sign up
Where to look for a girl if you can't find her?
There are actually an innumerable number of places where you can find a girl for a relationship, the main thing is not to sit at home waiting for the same one to come knocking on the door. Psychologists call the top list of the most popular places where you can meet a girl, namely:
- Internet – there are various dating sites and social networks designed for dating;
- clubs of interest - this can be a gym, swimming pool, library and other places visited by a man;
- in courses, seminars - they can be devoted to cooking, dancing, vocals and other activities;
- at concerts - a place where young people gather, where you can find a girl who prefers the same music as a man;
- in the store - there are many girls walking here every day, whom you can approach for advice;
- street - in a park, square, at a bus stop or pedestrian crossing, everywhere you can find a reason to meet a girl.
Advice! You can’t find a girl for a serious relationship in various “dirty” places, such as clubs, bars, discos, where, as a rule, there are one-night stands under the influence of strong drinks.
How and where to invite a girl on a date
The acquaintance has taken place, the object of your sighs has given the go-ahead for communication, now you can go on the attack. Invite your new flame to meet and spend time together. Don't be shy, speak confidently and friendly. If she agreed, show joy and go get ready for the rendezvous. If the young lady refuses, do not persuade her - express slight regret and leave her alone. She might change her mind later and let you know.
Choose an interesting and stylish place where you will feel comfortable communicating. A movie or a noisy bar won't do; you need to get to know each other better, and not just sit next to each other.
Here are some original and unusual ideas for where to go with a girl on a first date.
- Intellectual quizzes
Games like Quiz and What? Where? When? are gaining more and more popularity every day. It's fun, emotional and educational. At the same time, check the intellectual abilities of your chosen one, if, of course, this item is on the list of your criteria.
- Quests
Also modern and interesting leisure time. Together you will solve riddles, solve puzzles, and complete tasks. You will be impressed for months to come.
- Master classes in painting (cooking, music, dancing, etc.)
Joint activities always bring you closer together - take advantage of this. Learn something interesting and useful. Who knows, maybe you will be so captivated by a new activity that you and your girlfriend will decide to enroll in long-term courses.
- Planetarium or observatory
Stars are mysterious and romantic. A girl will remember such a date for the rest of her life. Just don’t forget to check the weather forecast in advance so you don’t have to look through a telescope at a thick veil of clouds. And learn a couple of constellations to show off your knowledge in front of your chosen one.
- Tasting of exotic dishes and drinks
Some modern trendy restaurants offer this service. There they bring you dishes the size of a five-ruble coin on huge plates and strange drinks in test tubes. Stylish and conceptual. The girl will be delighted - she will now have photos for Instagram six months in advance.
What to do so that the first date does not turn out to be the last
Your task is to make a stunning impression. Show your real self, but from the best side. Remember a few tips.
- First of all, pay attention to appearance. Clothing can be simple, but modern and perfectly clean and ironed. Hair should be styled, nails well-groomed, beard and mustache beautifully decorated.
- Be polite and gallant. Let the girl go ahead, open the door, pour her drinks into a glass. I hope no one needs to be taught this?
- Take an active interest in the girl’s life, listen enthusiastically, and keep the conversation going. Don't sit and expect her to entertain you.
- Don't brag. There is nothing worse than coming across as an upstart and arrogant.
- Walk the lady home after the date and thank her for a wonderful evening. You can immediately express your hope for the next meeting.
- Nobody forbids you to try to kiss a girl. If she doesn't object, you've hit the jackpot. If he refuses, don’t be upset. This doesn't necessarily mean she didn't like you. She may want to get to know you better first or is afraid of seeming too approachable. Courage and perseverance will still play into your hands - your chosen one will remember your attempt with excitement.
How to find a good girl? Methods for finding a girl
But even the most awesome men are often lonely. Because they don’t have a strategy, they don’t know how to give compliments or use interesting phrases. They are like turds in a beautiful wrapper.
Learn to speak beautifully
Who do you think a girl is more likely to pay attention to: a man who knows how to give compliments and speak beautifully or the one who says: “This is the head, I eat in it. Lol”?
You need to be able to interest a girl, captivate her in conversation so that she forgets where she was going. So forget about boring topics and hackneyed phrases. Avoid monotony, especially since you have no more than 7 minutes to get to know each other.
You must understand that the girl communicates with a huge number of people. And you should be Alain Delon against their background, not only handsome, but also smart.
How to find a good girl if you can’t put two words together. Therefore, learn to speak juicy and tasty. And for this you need to have information, memorize a few compliments and cool phrases. In the future, you will not need blanks; you will shoot jokes in a conversation like a machine gun.
Especially for the development of speech and oratory skills, I created a training workshop “Speak to be heard”, where you can learn to speak beautifully and confidently. This is an invaluable skill that will help not only in communicating with girls, but also in work, business, building relationships with colleagues, partners, in general, with anyone. People love to listen to beautiful, intelligible speech, so it’s time for you to speak so that you are definitely heard!
Appearance matters
How to find a good girl if you look worse than the homeless Valery? She just won't pay attention to you... ever. Men are also primarily judged by their clothes.
Many girls care about how a man dresses, how he smells, what condition his body is in, does he get a manicure, does he have a normal haircut? You see, she only glanced at it, but she already formed her opinion about you.
Therefore, you must be well-groomed, you must take care of yourself, go to the gym, keep yourself in shape.
You don't have to wear only brands. For brands, you must have a fairly high status. But normal clothes can be found in every shopping center. When you look at yourself in the mirror in new stylish clothes, you will feel a +100 increase in confidence.
I show you clearly how it works. Check out how the men who took the “Style of a Successful Man” workshop have changed:
Who do you think has a better chance of attracting a girl's attention? The guy on the left or the guy on the right? After all, this is the same person. But what a difference in perception!
If you want to transform yourself, a professional stylist is waiting for you at the online workshop “Style of a Successful Man.”
A sense of humor plays a role
All girls adore guys with a good sense of humor. For them this is one of the most important qualities.
So don’t be shy about humor, but avoid vulgarity and smut... at the beginning of communication. And then - whatever, maybe she herself is not against toilet humor and harsh phrases.
By the way, a woman will not always laugh at your jokes and that’s normal. You need to take this calmly. Be natural and don't try to please anyone, maybe this particular girl is not right for you.
Flirt
Don't forget about flirting. Communication without flirting is just an exchange of information. The girl most likely will not understand what you want from her. Moreover, girls love to flirt and will be happy to join the game if they like a man.
You also need to overcome the touch barrier. Don't piss, you can hug girls, but very carefully. She shouldn't take this as harassment.
Flirting and touching will help a girl understand that you find her attractive. And also that you are confident enough in yourself to behave this way.
Take the initiative
Girls don't like slobs. So grab your eggs and get going. You also need to be able to attract a woman’s attention; this is what practice is needed for.
If you took the treasured numbers from her, don’t be afraid to call the next day. Believe me, if she didn’t want to meet you again, she wouldn’t have given you the number.
And remember, you are a man, which means you must take care of your leisure time. Don't ask where she wants to go, offer her a couple of proven places, let her choose. This way you will earn pluses in her eyes.
Don't stay at home
Do you know why we feel lonely? Neurologist John Cacioppo compares this sensation to thirst and argues that it is an acquired skill. We need the pain of loneliness in order for us to start looking for a partner.
How to get yourself a girlfriend if you don’t go anywhere and sit at home? Get off your butt and go on an adventure. No, of course, if it’s normal for you to sit in front of the computer for days, jerking off to fashion models, you don’t have to change anything.
Only a beautiful stranger won’t drop into your house to attract your attention. It is you who must interest such a girl there, in the outside world.
So remember that while you are watching episode 125 of the series, your chance goes into the sunset with another man.
Do you want a relationship? Go on dates
Did you see a cool young lady? Approach her and start a conversation. The sky won't fall, don't be afraid.
Just remember that your goal is to get a phone number, and not just to discuss the beautiful weather in the Moscow region. Are you catching it? Even when you meet, you must clearly indicate your intentions.
When you receive the coveted number, do not forget to dial. These are pick-up artists who just stack up their numbers and compare who has the most, but they rarely fuck, you know? So the next day, be sure to call the girl, remind her who you are and offer to meet.
The first date should not last more than 1-1.5 hours. Say goodbye to a girl at the peak of interest so that she wants to see you again. It's like a TV series, the episode always ends with the most interesting part.
Ex-girlfriend image
The problems described above usually occur in young men. Older men also face problems when finding a girlfriend. But the reasons may not be related to self-doubt.
The image of an ex-girlfriend or wife, an emotional past that has not been experienced, can interfere with finding a girl and starting a new life.
The person most likely does not realize this. It seems to the man that he has stopped even thinking about his ex. But at the same time, he subconsciously looks for a similar girl. Constantly comparing a new acquaintance with an image from the past, a man cannot get to know the girl he likes better and cannot get closer to her to build a harmonious relationship. And a girl, without feeling sincere interest, will not be interested in further communication.
You can get rid of the “ghost” from the past; general recommendations are as follows:
- accept the fact of separation as accomplished and let go of memories, start living from scratch;
- fill your life with really interesting things;
- try to achieve harmony with yourself and the world.
Getting rid of the “shadows” from the past will open the door to a new, happy relationship.
When the reason is the girl
Many guys, even with a great desire to meet a girl, cannot arrange their personal life, regularly engaging in soul-searching and even self-flagellation. Psychologists note that difficulties in finding a girl are often caused by problems that lie within the girls. And excessive demands on oneself may be unjustified.
Exaggerated criteria
Many girls, by their nature and character, simply set excessive demands on a potential partner. This is due to distorted moral principles and stereotypes imposed by society. Many women want to see a knight in armor next to them, ready to literally fight for a potential chosen one. Others want a man to be financially secure, but at the same time young, attractive and romantic at heart. In pursuit of ideals, such girls often push away worthy guys.
Reluctance to have close relationships
If a girl is not mentally mature for a serious relationship with the prospect of building a family, a young man can simply scare her away with his global plans for her. It’s not enough to just meet a good girl; it’s much more difficult to find one who is ready for a relationship backed by responsibility and responsibilities. There are often cases when a young man immediately after meeting and communicating finds himself in the “friend zone,” from which it is often impossible to choose.
Appearance is more important than qualities
Modern society imposes many patterns and stereotypes that drive people into certain frames and boundaries. The same applies to appearance, many men chase girls with measurements of 90-60-90 and a doll-like appearance, and give girls beefy metrosexuals with ideal body and face proportions. As practice shows, the race for external beauty leads to long-term loneliness.
Fear of separation
Finding a soul mate can be difficult due to a girl’s fears of losing the relationship and breaking up. This phobia is often found among modern women who have had to deal with difficult, unsuccessful relationship experiences in the past. Some are afraid of betrayal and betrayal, while others refuse to enter into a relationship, knowingly programming themselves to break up.
Self-doubt gets in the way
A very serious reason why you still don't have a girlfriend. Because because of this, you are dooming yourself to failure in advance by determining the negative consequences of your actions. Most often this leads to complete inaction:
- You don't ask a girl out because you're afraid of rejection.
- You don’t show her any signs of attention, fearing that she doesn’t like you.
- You don't give compliments for fear of seeming stupid.
Self-doubt and low self-esteem completely kill all attempts to find a worthy life partner, or even start a short-term relationship.
In particularly advanced cases, guys may believe that they are completely unworthy of this. Or they often lower the bar, choosing a partner with whom their self-esteem will not suffer.
Remember that being content with little or, even worse, completely giving up something because of your fear is the lot of losers . There is no need to cook a steak if you can quickly cook buckwheat, because you will be full anyway. Perhaps, but the steak will probably taste better.
When the guy is the reason
When a man asks why I can’t find a girl, psychologists first of all advise to understand myself. When the situation reaches a dead end, all friends and acquaintances have long ago found their soul mates, and there is a complete crisis in your own personal life, it is important to objectively analyze yourself and your lifestyle. The reasons behind a guy may relate not only to his external data, but also to his character, degree of maturity and prospects.
Inability to take care of yourself
Many men, first of all, when it comes to why they can’t find a girl, blame their appearance. Psychologists say that such complexes lie in imposed stereotypes and patterns from society. Practice shows that most attractive men have complexes about their appearance. In fact, women look at several indicators of external male beauty:
- neatness and neatness;
- cleanliness and personal hygiene;
- nice smell;
- stylish outfits;
- well-groomed haircut and facial hair.
Each woman has her own individual concepts of male beauty; most women choose men based on the sexual sensations they experience next to them. A man just needs to follow the rules of hygiene, dress according to fashion trends, use perfume, and promptly tidy up the condition of his hair and nails.
Diffidence
Many men, in search of answers to the question of what to do if you can’t find a girl, do not notice that there are girls around who are showing interest and signs of attention. The reason lies in banal self-doubt, which slows down and does not allow a man to take active actions. And even if the girl herself takes the initiative, the man will only push her away with his constraint, uncertain and confused speech.
There are several ways to overcome self-doubt:
- training;
- finding new hobbies and interests;
- sports and active recreation;
- reading books and gaining new knowledge;
- development of communication skills through constant communication with different people.
Psychology also considers a radical way to eliminate fears and complexes - overcoming them. If a man is terribly afraid of something, he needs to look fear in the eye, doing similar things over and over again. This will show the man the unlimited nature of his abilities.
Insolvency
For any girl, when choosing a partner, his personality maturity and wealth are important. This is not about financial well-being, but about the capabilities, goals and achievements of a man. In the eyes of a woman, an ideal partner is a man who is absolutely independent and clearly understands his life for years to come, who is able to solve not only his own problems, but is also ready to take on any difficulties in a woman’s life.
A wealthy man is defined in several areas of his life - in work, intellectual development, moral stability, sexually and financially. To become close to such an ideal, a man must clearly understand what he is moving towards and striving for, what ways he will achieve his goals, what he wants from life, what he can give to his woman and family.
Expert opinion
Elena Druzhnikova
Sexologist. Family relations expert. Family psychologist.
Often the main reason why a man can’t find a girlfriend is his fear due to failures in past relationships. Because of this, on a subconscious level, a man himself isolates himself from women and the prospect of relationships.
Dreams of an ideal
Some young people cannot find a girl because they are captivated by an ideal. Stereotypes and myths about the abstract ideal woman make everyone around her not attractive enough.
But if you think about it, the set of qualities of an abstract ideal is very contradictory. A woman should be visually attractive and take care of herself, be successful and earn good money, do household chores alone, be a skilled lover, and not have too many sexual partners. It is quite difficult to find such a person in real life. And from year to year the set of abstract qualities required of a woman changes.
Therefore, it is worth thinking about what is really important in a chosen one for a particular man, and what is just superficial, dictated by stereotypes. And it wouldn’t hurt to look at yourself to see how ideal the young man is, how much he meets the abstract ideal of a man.
An overly critical attitude towards girls leads to loneliness and the eternal search for a non-existent and changeable ideal.
When faced with a problem when finding a girl, a young man must understand that he is not alone in his problem. Believing in yourself and working on yourself will help improve the situation. There is no need to be afraid of difficulties, because reaching a new level of personal development will bring not only success with the opposite sex, but also in other areas of life.
Taking care of the girl's interests
Do you want to please someone? Do you want to attract someone's attention? A simple principle works in your personal life: take care of the girl’s interests so that she likes you.
Any person is only interested in those people who care about him. Of course, you can also pay attention to those people who do not show concern. However, with such people you can find more suffering than happiness. Therefore, in any case, each person begins to be interested only in those who are interested in him.
Take care of the interests of the person you want to like. After all, if you care about a girl, this means that you know her desires and habits, and also want to satisfy them in order to make her happy. It is always interesting to communicate with the person who is interested in you. It's always nice to know that there are people who are drawn to you. And, of course, there is a greater desire to bring those people who are interested in you closer to you. Yes, you may not like them or have an overwhelming desire to get to know them, but at least this forces you to continue communicating with them, which leads to addiction.
Habit is a great force. And if a person is used to you, then it’s difficult for him to get out of the habit. Therefore, if you show interest and care about a girl, she will quickly get used to good things. If you suddenly disappear somewhere, she feels the emptiness that you once filled. And it is possible that the girl will no longer want to let you go, because you are one of the few people who care about her health, happiness and desires.
To be interesting, you need to be profitable
Do you want to be interesting and attractive to girls? It should be understood that every person is trying to find benefits. You also see your benefit when you try to please someone or come to an agreement with someone. If you weren't interested in the other person, then you wouldn't try to get their attention. And when he can give something useful and necessary, then you try to make friends with him and establish contacts.
The most important secret that anyone who wants to attract girls should learn is to become useful to these people. They have what you want, so you need to offer them something that might be of interest to them.
Like attracts like! Seeing benefits in other people, you need to be beneficial to them. If you start having what girls want, then you will become a person with whom you want to be friends, date and build relationships.
Since at one time or another you are interested in establishing contacts with specific people, you must find out their needs. What would they need from you in order to agree to give you what they want? The girls already have what you want to get from them. What can you give them? How can you be useful? How interesting is this for girls? Offer what they need but cannot give themselves. Then you will become an interesting and attractive guy in their eyes.
Cons of loneliness
I felt them keenly when I met people. When I was invited to a friendly company, I experienced real tossing. I knew I would feel awkward if I went. And I knew that I wouldn’t forgive myself if I didn’t go, because I still really wanted to see people. I liked meeting my family friends, but when I left them I felt very lonely - that chilly, unpleasant feeling, like being in a sharp draft.
I felt uncomfortable with people because loneliness became a flaw. It seemed to me that everyone understood that there was something wrong with me if I was lonely. He walked down the street, collided with the girls he met and looked away. I saw couples in love and felt envy. It’s difficult to describe this feeling of some kind of disproportion with others, of otherness, as if some kind of bug-eyed monster has surfaced from the depths of the ocean, and everyone is looking at you with curiosity, but is in no hurry to get to know you.
Weekend. Sometimes they went great, but sometimes... I felt panic when I realized that I had no plans, that all my affairs had been redone, all my thoughts had been changed, I didn’t want anything, and I would just be killing time. I’ll go to the store, buy delicious food and cook it in an intricate way, watch a TV series, and then, lo and behold, it’s evening, and I can write off that day as a waste.
A painful feeling that I’m not living, but just waiting out life
A feeling that you can’t hide from in the hustle and bustle of a healthy life...
It's not really needed
We live in a society, so when everyone around you is finding a mate, it's hard not to follow suit. However, there are guys who don't really need a relationship, but are looking for a partner just because "it's the right thing to do." There are few such people, but they still exist.
For example, in Western countries there is a trend of reduced interest in the opposite sex . Young people are engaged in self-development and devote most of their time to careers and studies. In such a situation, it is important to understand what you really need.
A love relationship can be considered a full-time job, so if something else is important to you, then listen to yourself better. It is possible that finding a partner is nothing more than a process imposed by society. In such cases, internal resistance will prevent you from finding a girl until you realize that you really need it.
What to do when meeting a girl
How to properly meet a young woman? To make a good impression on the person you like, you need to follow a few simple rules. Young women prefer smart, caring, attentive men. Useful tips for men:
Important! The more confident a man is, the more likely he is to attract a woman's attention.
Dating at a bar
