Why is a man shy about a girl and what to do about it?

Often, when meeting a guy, a girl begins to notice that he behaves primly and shyly in her presence. Many ladies make the wrong conclusions, which lead to the severance of friendly or supposedly romantic relationships.

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Body position

To determine whether a man is in love, it is enough to look at the entire pose and the manifestation of individual parts of the body. But here, to clarify, it would be appropriate to take into account the guy’s character and self-esteem.

Read also: How to write “shol” or “shel”

Confident men with all their gestures and external manifestations say: “Look at me, I am the one you need,” “I am strong, brave, courageous, with me you will feel safe.” Representatives of the stronger sex with high self-esteem always “stretch out” in front of a woman, wanting to appear taller, straighten their shoulders, stick their chest forward, and lift their chin. This is how they try to please the one they are in love with. Psychologists often compare such chosen ones to peacocks, showing off in front of the peahens. The body is always turned towards the beloved, legs are widely spaced. A person who stands firm demonstrates his confidence and determination.

If a guy is not too confident in himself, he will have his own signs by which one can determine whether he is in love. His head will be slightly lowered, his posture will be tense, his shoulders will be tense, and his gestures will be stingy. If you stand opposite each other, the man will not be able to stand calmly and evenly. The legs will dance every now and then, change their point of support, pick the ground, etc.

If a man can show off his figure to his companion, he will do it with great pleasure. He will play with his biceps, expose his torso, show off his abs, wearing a tight T-shirt. He will be happy to help his beloved physically: lift something, move something, catch up with someone, show endurance, etc. Guys who ignore sports will not focus on their appearance, so they suck in their stomach, wear clothes of universal sizes, They prefer quiet leisure to active leisure.

Hygiene and style

If you don't feel confident, start with personal hygiene and neat, well-chosen clothing. Take a shower morning and evening and make it a habit to take care of yourself. Clothes must be clean and of high quality. If you cannot choose it yourself, seek help from specialists. They will choose the best style for your age and appearance, which will allow you to increase your level of self-confidence.

Signs of a Shy Guy

A shy guy often seems shy and indecisive to girls. These traits prevent him from meeting the opposite sex and building romantic relationships. If he likes a girl, he cannot make the first step and misses a happy opportunity to get closer.

Many women are sure that if a man likes them, he will show overt signs of attention and take various actions to win her heart. But timid, silent guys can walk in circles for a long time, stammer and blush during meetings, without taking any action.

How to understand the feelings of a shy man

I hope you have already met the boyfriend of your dreams, go on dates, and enthusiastically discuss various topics. He became less shy, afraid of glances, signs of attention from you, the following problem arises: “How can you tell if a young man is experiencing tender feelings?” Shows emotions with restraint, looks closely, studies. Are there signs indicating tender feelings? How can you feel like you are liked? How do you know that he is also interested in a relationship with you? I can tell you from experience: “It took a while to figure it out.” How did it happen? I'll tell you now.

Reasons for a man's embarrassment

It also happens that not only a quiet person in life, but also a rather brave guy can suddenly become shy in front of a girl. There can be many reasons for unexpected shyness.

1. Beauty of a girl. Men are attracted to bright women, but many feel shy in front of them, afraid of being unworthy of a real beauty.
2. Fear of rejection. It doesn’t matter whether a girl is pretty or not, a man is afraid that the person he likes will reject him for various reasons.
3. The girl's behavior. An overly confident lady who has a harsh voice or arrogance can scare away a potential gentleman, causing him to have an attack of timidity.
4. Fear that the girl is not free. Guys are shy in this case because they are afraid to find out about the lover the girl they like might have.

These and other reasons lead to the fact that it is difficult for a guy to take the first step, so many relationships that could have developed harmoniously do not even have time to begin.

The origins of shyness

In most cases, such a quality as timidity originates from childhood and becomes acutely manifested after psychological trauma. While still small, the child could be subjected to teasing from his parents, who noticed his first crush. There are often cases when the dominance of the mother in the family creates timidity and embarrassment in front of girls in the child.

Having become a teenager, a young man may be timid due to not the most attractive appearance or lack of attention from girls. At this age, recognition is especially important and if a young man does not feel interested in the opposite sex, he may begin to feel embarrassed in the presence of girls.

Shyness manifests itself especially strongly after an unsuccessful attempt to meet a girl. A refusal to give a phone number or go on a date can become entrenched in a young man’s mind as an inability to interest a woman in himself, after which he can develop shyness and even a fear of dating.

Failures on the personal front do not always create shyness in a man. Psychologists believe that a tendency toward timidity is inherent in males who initially have low self-esteem, as well as a somewhat melancholic type of character with its inherent vulnerability, acute self-criticism, suspiciousness and other similar qualities.

Low self-esteem is the cause of timidity in men

How love is born

Before a man truly falls in love, he will first go through certain stages.

1. Assessment. When meeting a girl, a guy examines her appearance, determines the degree of attractiveness, and tries on the role of a partner for her. As you know, the first impression is formed by appearance.
2. The emergence of interest in a girl. There is a need for closer acquaintance and communication. There is an interest in getting to know the young lady better.
3. Attraction. At this stage, the young man begins to court his chosen one and looks at her reaction.
4. Impression. The guy is trying to show his best qualities, doing everything in order to make the best impression on the girl, to amaze her.
5. Belief. Feelings become stronger. The chosen one occupies all thoughts in my head and begins to dream. The guy realizes that he constantly thinks about the girl, cannot concentrate on other things, all thoughts are only about her.
6. Repeated persuasion. This stage is characterized by the understanding that the young lady was enchanted, and the idea of ​​a serious relationship is born.
7. Love. A serious romance begins, the feelings are very strong.

Analysis of the negative

Carefully analyzing negative situations will only make your shyness worse. Try to immediately analyze everything that happened, draw conclusions and move on without looking back. If it makes you feel better, write down everything that happened. Analyze your emotions and actions, think about what you will do next time in order to avoid such embarrassment.

Perceive the world philosophically, try to be positive, act decisively and don’t give up. You will definitely succeed, and even much faster than you plan.

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Features of shy men

Shyness takes different forms and is expressed in different ways. The same guy is sometimes able to jump into the river to save a kitten, but does not find the strength to approach the girl and get acquainted... He works as a rescuer, carries children out of burning houses, but does not know how to swear in public institutions in response to the arbitrariness of unscrupulous officials... How does this happen? Let's name the external signs of shyness in men:

• "Can't be seen or heard." It seems that the person is incapable of decisive action: he is downtrodden, quiet, constrained in his movements. It’s a paradox, but shy men are capable of feats even more than “roosters” who flaunt their brutality, pumped up figure and other dubious “advantages”.
• Passivity in communication. Shyness is a quality that makes it difficult for a guy to find an interlocutor and, even more so, a life partner. He gives the initiative to those around him. He waits for people to get to know him, and does not make contact first. It is important that shy people do not avoid communication, but rather want it. Only they are not able to be the first to decide to talk with a stranger (or with a not very close “acquaintance”).
• Delicacy. It’s a nice trait, but you can only recognize it through communication. He will not be rude, will not raise sensitive topics (and if he does, he will carefully avoid them), and will not impose himself. But he will listen to stories about your problems, sympathize, and will not demand anything in return.
• Low self-esteem and anxiety. At least it seems so at first. And the man himself can be sure of this. Shyness is often associated with thoughts about one’s own unattractiveness, “inferiority.” Therefore, such a person is rarely given high positions or public recognition. And the woman whom he has secretly loved for many years will marry another without knowing about his feelings.
• Stability. It's difficult to say whether this is a good trait or a bad one. She just is. A man does not want to change his life, he clings to what he already has. Any changes are painful. He will not look for a better job, he will not (most likely) decide to open his own business... But look from the other side - such a man will not cheat, he will not be the first to divorce.
• Mirroring of actions and feelings. But here’s what they said at the beginning: the guy is usually timid and downtrodden, it’s difficult for him to communicate with representatives of public institutions (and even with store clerks). But in extreme conditions, hitherto dormant resources seem to be activated. Only the opportunity rarely appears, and in everyday life it is not particularly useful.
• Vulnerability and sensuality. Another “feminine” feature. The emotions of modest people are deep and persistent. Therefore, it is difficult for them to deceive and hide something from a loved one (if one suddenly appears). And another plus - thanks to such features, you can turn a shy man into a wonderful partner in bed “for yourself.” He will not be selfish; he will try to please you first, and then himself.

This is a complete list of the main qualities of a shy man. Not all of them manifest themselves in a particular representative. And you need to get to know the person well in order to notice the described qualities. Usually, modesty has to be corrected, because, as mentioned earlier, in ordinary life it causes nothing but problems. How to do it? First, it would be nice to understand the reasons for the formation of shyness.

Attitude of others

You must learn one truth: you cannot please everyone without exception. All people are different, often they do not suit each other at the energy level. Remember, you also have friends who don’t particularly appeal to you. And do they feel less happy because of this? If you don’t impress some, you will like others, there’s no problem with that.

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Which women make men the most shy around?

There are basically two reasons for a guy’s shyness: either he cares about the girl, or he’s afraid of her.

If the boss is a scandalous person, then feeling constrained when she appears is a normal reaction. A man does not want to cause “fire” on himself with his behavior and fall under the hot hand.

Young people are often embarrassed at the sight of beautiful young ladies. They involuntarily compare themselves with her: life achievements, wealth, even appearance. Therefore, against the backdrop of independent and successful girls, men feel inferior, although this is not at all the case.

Try to find the reason for his behavior

Once you understand it, you will be able to build a line of attack. Most likely the reasons for his behavior lie in the following:

1. He is an introvert and it is normal for him to be reserved. He behaves this way because of a feeling of discomfort in society, feeling confident only in private. You will have to come to terms with this, but once you gradually get into his comfort zone, you will be able to rotate in it calmly. The main thing is not to put pressure, but to pursue a targeted policy;
2. Or maybe he likes you , so he closed himself off. He is afraid to demonstrate his feelings for some reason, so he avoids active communication;
3. Or vice versa, he doesn't like you . Then his isolation is the result of the fact that he cannot speak openly about it, preferring to simply avoid you.

What not to do

If you notice clear signs that your communication is moving to a new level and you are one step away from the official status of his girlfriend, consider what mistakes you need to avoid.

1. Don't offer sex first. Even the shyest young man will find an opportunity to hint about his desire for a close relationship. Your initiative in this matter may simply frighten him away.
2. Don't start serious conversations about your status in his life. Remember, men don't like to talk about relationships. They prefer to show their feelings through actions rather than words.
3. Don't be intrusive. Don't forget, if isolation is a character trait of a young person, you are dealing with an introvert. And they need to periodically take a break from society. Be understanding about this feature and give your boyfriend personal space.
4. Don't try to make him jealous on purpose. Men don’t like to sort things out, and introverts even more so. In addition, such behavior can dramatically change a guy's opinion of you in a negative direction.

Calmness is a hallmark of closed people. It guarantees the absence of constant scandals and quarrels. This is why girls love shy guys. If you behave correctly, you can build very comfortable relationships with such young people.

How can I make him more relaxed?

If we are talking about intimacy and you lack initiative on his part in this regard, you may have to take it upon yourself for the first time. But you will have to act very carefully and only after it becomes clear that he wants this , but is simply being modest.

How to determine this?

• The look, he undresses you with his eyes. Also draws attention to the lips, hips, chest;
• Tries to touch casually. Even the most shy ones cannot resist their instincts and will not miss the opportunity to even slightly touch the object of adoration;
• When speaking, the timbre of his voice may change to soft with a slight hoarseness.

If you notice the above-mentioned behavior in your gentleman, you can try to get closer:

• Try to respond to his touch, show that it is pleasant, you don’t mind;
• Touch him yourself, first jokingly, then, if he is not afraid, more persistently;
• Talk about your friends' relationships and how they show each other feelings. Using their example, you can try to figure out what kind of behavior you are expecting.

Now your task is to show your readiness for intimacy and provoke him into it without scaring him. Conversations gradually become more frank, movements become more tempting.

If you meet a shy guy, this is a gift, not a punishment. If there is a certain desire, patience and wisdom, any girl will be able to re-educate him. The main thing is not to overdo it, so as not to regret it later.

Strengths of Shy Guys

Many girls believe that a timid guy can be boring, therefore, without having time to properly get to know a modest person, they go in search of a self-confident “brutal”. Psychologists advise not to rush to conclusions, since a shy young man can turn out to be an excellent husband and a great father. A timid man has the following qualities:

• delicacy;
• courtesy;
• the ability to value relationships;
• affection;
• emotionality;
• the ability to feel your partner.

Among other things, timid men adapt to a woman in all areas of life, therefore they are especially well suited for powerful, strong personalities who cannot tolerate objections, as well as for anyone who would like to have a devoted and faithful life partner nearby.

Take a walk in crowded places

Shy guys feel confident when they know everything is going according to plan. Don't be afraid of walking in a crowded place full of beautiful girls. Try to attract the attention of not only the fairer sex you like.

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Pay close attention to his body language

We have already talked about how to see obvious signs of attention and recognize love in a completely closed guy. But what if he behaves completely normally: he doesn’t show his cards to you, but he doesn’t mask his feelings with the utmost caution? This is the most difficult case when you will have to be as attentive as possible and catch all the signals coming from him, even if he did not try to send them.

Without exception, all guys, like girls, subconsciously signal their sympathy for a person

. This can include involuntary timid glances that you throw at each other against your own will. Trembling knees and slurred speech, a deep blush on the cheeks... But there are also less obvious signs that also relate to body language.

If a guy likes you, he will subconsciously reveal

all their movements are towards you. Imagine that you are communicating in a large, lively company: no matter who he talks to or who he addresses, if there is sympathy, the toes of his shoes will definitely be turned in your direction. This applies not only to shoes, but to hands and posture in general - it will be directed at you

, as if conducive to an open conversation.

In addition, a guy in love always unconsciously repeats the facial expressions of his object of desire

– smiles, frowns, bites his lip, and so on. But even if you haven’t noticed any of the signs described in the article, don’t despair: all guys are different, and they also show their feelings in different ways. One day you will definitely notice something that will mark the beginning of a sincere and trusting relationship between you.

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Attention, TODAY only! At school age, almost everyone hides the feelings that arise in relation to one or another classmate or neighbor.

This is repeated more than once or twice, and over time this secrecy becomes a habit.

It has been noticed that men in general are noticeably shyer than women.

However, it's not just shyness. There is also usually uncertainty and fear present.

What should an ideal guy be like?

Shy young people have many positive qualities. They are more sensitive and caring, and girls enjoy their company. But despite this, the ideal guy is one who:

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• can protect;
• able to provide;
• will seek the girl's favor.

These three points are pretty simple, but these are exactly the requirements where almost every shy guy fails. And after that, with this fashion, a person immediately moves from the status of a boyfriend to the status of a best friend.

What if he doesn’t hide his love?

Despite stereotypes about determined guys, girls often have to take matters into their own hands and be the first to take the initiative. What to do if the girl herself is not ready to overcome her shyness and take the first step? All that remains is to carefully observe and try to understand whether it is worth hoping for something more and making far-reaching plans. Because we girls love plans very much, and we don’t want them to end up as ordinary castles in the air. Let's answer the question together about how a guy in love behaves and try to figure out all his hidden signals

.

First, let's talk about the most obvious and most noticeable signs that guys give us - yes, not only girls are engaged in this activity. The only difference is that we do this consciously, and men sometimes don’t even control their actions towards the fair sex, which is what they show themselves to be. Think well, maybe everything is clear without any hidden signs

? If a guy devotes a lot of time to you, is constantly near you, starts the conversation himself and gives a lot of compliments

- these are obvious signs of sympathy. Does it seem like nothing could be simpler? But no: many girls simply cannot immediately accept such luck, so they do not take signs of sympathy seriously. But if everything is not so obvious, the next part of the article is for you.

Don't be afraid to meet girls

Feel free to approach ladies and start a conversation, even if you have no intention of dating them. Sometimes you just need a little socializing to feel more confident in your abilities. With such casual conversations, you might one day meet a girl you fall in love with.

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Unacceptable things to do when communicating with a timid guy

When communicating with a modest guy, it is important to remember that he is a vulnerable person, so you should not further injure his pride. If a guy is very shy, a harsh voice and a raised voice will simply scare him away. People prone to timidity categorically cannot stand shouting and withdraw into themselves if this happens.

A modest guy who is embarrassed to even talk to a woman is sensitive to all sorts of ridicule, so before you joke, think about whether this will hurt his pride. A timid man may have a wonderful sense of humor, but ridicule directed at him will be unpleasant and incomprehensible to him.

You should also avoid criticism, especially sharp and incorrect criticism. Modest guys have a very hard time when they are judged and their shortcomings are pointed out, so it is better to avoid such moments. The best option would be a subtle hint that the guy is doing something wrong, but there should be no derogatory criticism.

Another important trait is not to ask a shy person about his feelings. A woman who is distinguished by wisdom will herself understand that the chosen one is interested in her, even if the man is withdrawn. Asking a timid man directly what he feels for the lady of his heart is an impossible task and sometimes useless: his shy nature simply will not allow him to be straightforward with his chosen one.

To build a relationship with a shy person, you need to show patience, tact and respect, and then the timid guy will certainly become bolder and be able to make his beloved happy.

Ways to cheer up a shy guy

If you like a man who clearly likes you, but there is timidity in his character, you will have to take the initiative. Gone are the days when a girl waited for the first step from a man, so you can confidently conquer the object of your passion.

If a man is embarrassed to ask you out on a date, but you know that he wants to be with you, you can easily invite him for a cup of tea or suggest going to the movies together.

To get a quiet person to talk, choose topics that interest him and ask questions to which he could give detailed answers. This will help you get to know each other, and it will help him to relax.

If you find yourself on the dance floor, you can safely ask a modest guy to dance. This will be a great occasion for communication and the opportunity to learn something about each other.

Shortening the distance is another great option to establish contact between you. It is enough to catch the right moment and take a man’s hand, making him feel that you are interested in him.

Praise is the best way to make a modest guy feel a surge of pride and courage. Try to give compliments to your timid lover more often, especially if he did something nice for you. When you turn to him for help in some matter, be sure to praise him and even kiss him on the cheek. This will help the guy become bolder and serve as a hint that he can take action towards developing the relationship.

A simple kiss on the cheek will help a man relax and become more confident.

Reasons why guys like modest girls

There is an opinion that a modest and shy girl will make an ideal wife. First of all, a modest woman does not like to attract everyone's attention to herself, thereby she will not provoke outbursts of jealousy in her boyfriend. In addition, it is believed that modest representatives of the fair sex prefer leisurely evenings at home with reading a book and baking a pie to going to a club and noisy gatherings until the morning. This cannot but please a serious young man, oriented towards home comfort. Modest women are indifferent to shopping - this rather controversial thesis is put forward by men who consider modest girls very attractive. In addition to saving money, which the flighty beauty will certainly spend on dresses, shoes, stockings, the modest woman will also devote all her free time to something more useful - study, work, arranging her home, finally.

The decisive argument in choosing a life partner, which is made between more and less modest girls, is the fact that often modest girls remain virgins for a long time. Thus, there is a high probability that you will be the first and only man with your chosen one, which, of course, cannot but flatter a man’s pride.

Are your goals modest?

The question is: where did you unearth such a treasure, why did it fascinate you, and what are your goals? After all, modest people have never been in fashion, and they themselves are not eager to win the heart of a lady. But this is exactly what every girl needs - to be looked after, and not she to be looked after by a man.

It’s unlikely that you met him at a noisy party and he, shouting over the sounds of music, offered to treat you to a cocktail. Your meeting place could be:

1. You are colleagues. You liked him for his appearance and tenacity. Yes, modest people are assiduous, they know how to make a career with their own minds without cheating. The bosses like such hard workers, and therefore they are rarely poor.
2. You live nearby. It just so happens that you see each other often in the neighborhood, and you like him. Only you have a casual acquaintance: “Hello!” - "Hello!". But he is single, handsome, although too shy.
3. Casual acquaintance. Some unexpected situation brought you together, or it was supposedly random - you were invited to the company where this beech was located. But you liked him, or they described him in a positive way.

Let's be honest: apart from external data and recommendations from third parties, he most likely did not attract you in any way. But if you are pretty and have a pleasant character, then you yourself can interest him.

What matters is what do you need it for? If you're just tired of loneliness and hassle from other men, then that's normal. But God forbid you pursue selfish goals in relation to him, for example, if you were bribed by his financial viability.

Yes, you can make him fall in love with you, enter the complex circle of his trust, and then rob him like crazy. Humble does not mean greedy, he can give you everything. But you will kill the person in him forever. Can you live the rest of your life as a moral killer? Think about it.

What to do in such situations

The main thing is not to get upset. There is no need to change yourself for someone else, the most important thing is to be yourself. But still, some tips on what to do that is useful.

For a girl (what NOT to do when communicating with a modest guy)

To avoid scaring off a shy man, you need to follow a few tips.

1. No need to rush. Don't force a guy to make the first move. When the time comes, if he really has feelings, everything will work out. You can, of course, give a man a little hint about your feelings to increase his confidence. For example, ask for help at work. With a feeling of satisfaction, the boy's confidence will increase.
2. There is no need to deliberately put the guy in an awkward position and cause negative emotions. It's better to be modest. This is a method of psychological mirroring: if a man imitates the character or actions of another person, it means that he cares and is seen as a potential partner. A shy man alone with a seemingly insecure girl will worry less and, over time, communication will improve.
3. Under no circumstances should you laugh at him. It is better to try to show your sincere attitude. If you really like a young man, you should not hide your willingness to come to his aid. You must let him know that you are interested in further communication. Shy people are so perceptive that they subconsciously begin to approach the sincere person.

Important: under no circumstances should you laugh at a man, especially when surrounded by his friends or colleagues. This way you can undermine his reputation and interest in women.

To a man

The man should also try to correct the situation. For example:

1. Try to take more initiative. Don't be afraid to show leadership qualities. In any case, the main thing is to start taking action, and the rest will follow.
2. If the reason for this behavior is inexperience, then you need to gain experience! Communication skills will not come without trial and error.
3. Don't follow guys who are more successful with women. Everyone is different and no two characters are the same. If a man takes longer to make the first move, that's okay.

How to turn your shyness into an advantage

Your shyness can create a lot of difficulties, especially when it comes to dating a beautiful girl.

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Here are some tips you could use to make shyness your advantage.

How to know if your husband is in love

How to understand that your spouse has fallen in love with another woman? The behavior of a married man in love is impossible not to notice. A wife should think about it if her husband suddenly:

• began to take care of the neatness of his appearance and buy new things for himself;
• changed perfume;
• began to stay late at work;
• is often in a thoughtful state, often in moments of reflection his face is illuminated with a smile;
• set a password on your phone and personal computer;
• does not take his wife to corporate events.

The combination of these signs may indicate the appearance of sympathy on the other side. If marriage is dear to you, then you urgently need to take measures so that simple love does not become the reason for the breakup of the family.

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How to consolidate success

It’s not enough to meet a handsome young man and understand that he also liked you. It is necessary to build a line of behavior so that the relationship moves into a more serious phase.

• Don't forget that girls are the weaker sex. Let the young man feel like your protector and helper. Ask him for help in a matter that he clearly understands. After the problem is resolved, do not forget to thank him and sincerely rejoice at how lucky you are to have him.
• Find some common hobby. Not only will this give you the opportunity to spend more time together, but it will also give you more common ground. This means that you will become much closer by doing a common thing.
• Try to get to know his friends. Show yourself in the best light by making it clear that you are the best choice for your guy. Don't forget that the smaller the circle of close people, the more valuable their opinion is.

A lot in a relationship depends on the girl; your correct behavior will be the key to long-term communication with a shy guy.

Admire his hobbies

First, you need to delve into his interests. Humble men usually don't rush from one thing to another, they focus on something important to them. Well, for example, he loves dogs, as a rule, more than people. He lets them into his circle of trust.

Why don't you admire his fox terrier? He is funny, sweet, affectionate. Apparently, his owner raised him to be so good-natured. Look at how many reasons there are to get closer and compliment a man.

But even modest people love compliments, although they react to it with blush on their cheeks and an embarrassed smile. Well, how to admire a shy man in words - read the article How to compliment a man.

You don't have to get a puppy right away, you can just do the following:

1. Ask him to take you to a dog show - you wouldn’t dare to go on your own, but you really want to do it with an expert.
2. Ask to walk his dog together - you need evening walks, but you don’t like to do it alone.
3. Offer yourself to him as a nanny for his dog when he needs to go somewhere for a long time.

This way you can quickly win him over:

• you love animals, which means you are a kind soul;
• you are also lonely and ask him to keep you company;
• you are responsive and always ready to lend a helping hand.

But it can't just be a dog. If any of his hobbies, even strange ones, arouses your keenest interest and admiration, then he will be ready to give you the first key to his heart. Especially if this is a work colleague - then it’s easier to figure out how he lives. Read about this in the article How to understand that a colleague likes you.