Hi all! A woman’s self-esteem is the foundation on which relationships are built, both with others and with herself. It is self-respect that prevents others from treating you poorly. For some reason, it is common in society to confuse and confuse these concepts with pride or arrogance. Yes, some flirt and disguise their anxieties and complexes. But today we will look at what this beautiful phrase actually means. We will also find out what needs to be done to become more confident and resilient.
About pride and self-esteem
Do you know that pride is not a biological, but a social feeling. For a woman to have pride, although it would be more correct, of course, to call it self-esteem, at least 4 generations in her family must treat women like queens. Raise in strictness and impeccability, instill good manners, teach intelligence and never, hear, never humiliate! No violence should be committed against her. Never. And to what can be interpreted as violence, for example, pressure at school, the rudeness of an ill-mannered person, the correct attitude must be formed.
She must have an attitude towards her own life as the highest value.
And this means no self-sacrifice. Where will the descendants of people who have had it drilled into their heads for 70 years that the homeland is most important come from?
Most modern women only experience life without deprivation in the first or second generation. What's in the first one?
How many people are familiar with financial freedom now?
How many people know what it’s like to come to a store and buy, even groceries, despite the price tags and without thinking about the budget?
In fact, there are few such people. And financial independence is one of the layers of the self-platform.
As long as a woman lives with the thought of survival, self-esteem will modestly stand aside.
And it is not necessary that she would definitely be beaten. Hitting is an extreme thing. Even in a very decent job, you can regularly hear wishes to “keep your mouth shut.” We need to understand that there are exactly the same people around us, with violated rights, mixed values, with great-grandmothers with a history of having a live abortion in the morning, and in the evening going to the machine to work the night shift.
The descendants of these women also do not know self-esteem and human dignity in general. If they happen to stand above others, they will humiliate without realizing it.
It’s a blessing if you’re reading now and don’t understand what I mean. So you are incredibly lucky. Appreciate it. Take care of it like a priceless gift!
Today, most women do not have self-esteem, but have an “inflated value” that is not supported by anything other than a couple of women’s trainings completed and the advice of equally tired friends. Such a woman yells at her teenage son: “Who are you opening your mouth to, you bastard?” And then she argues that there are no normal men. And it won't. She just killed one with her own hands.
True self-esteem is diffused in the air, like the aroma of long-lasting perfume.
The person who has it can be seen a kilometer away.
It's in everything. In manners, in posture, in confident calm, in the ability to admit mistakes and be responsible for them.
I don’t want to say that a woman with such feelings will never be offended. She'll just try to figure it out and answer the way she should. Sometimes the appropriate response is to smile and simply hug the person who is probably in as much pain as you. And only downtrodden people definitely want blood. A lot of blood. Humiliation of another, so that he crawls and never gets up. And until it doesn’t work out, they slam the doors so that the whole house can hear.
In general, developing self-esteem begins not with protecting yourself, but with the understanding that if you behave adequately, nothing threatens you. This can be called basic trust in the world. Which, again, the majority do not have, because nowhere were they taught an adequate attitude towards the world.
It is very easy to understand whether it exists or not by the ability not to generalize. One will say after a breakup, “I was unlucky, it didn’t work out, I’ll wait for someone else.” And the second is “oh well, fuck them all.” The generalization also suggests that the person does not know how to act differently.
Then you need to learn to recognize violence. Physical, emotional, spiritual, manipulation, distortion. Learn to hear and see, to evaluate people sensibly.
And only when a person begins to feel where and in what way the pressure is being applied to him, and is able to assess what exactly is happening. This is the pressure of fear, pain, retaliatory humiliation, loss of control due to some external circumstances - then he can begin to learn to build boundaries.
But here we do everything the other way around. First, they are taught to defend and attack, forming an image of the enemy. Moreover, a close enemy. And then they are surprised that a person lives in a state of eternal war with those whom, according to God’s plan, he should accept and love.
And if we talk about therapy, the stages of which, by the way, I have already described, then it should begin with the questions “who am I?” Why do I respect myself? What do I own? What do I live for? Published by econet.ru.
Shubina Elena, especially for econet.ru
If you have any questions, ask them here
PS And remember, just by changing your consciousness, we are changing the world together! econet
What are the most important qualities a girl should have?
In addition to the above, I will give a few more properties identified during a special survey of the male population:
- If you graduated from a prestigious university, speak several languages fluently and have an excellent understanding of business, you should not demonstrate this at every opportunity. This will lower the husband's self-esteem. But his psychology is structured in such a way that he is the head of the family.
- Strong and independent ladies should show character in moderation. Sometimes you have to be weak so that the gentleman wants to shelter them from all adversity and protect them.
- The ideal woman is not completely dependent on her partner. She has her own circle of friends and interests, her own hobbies and affairs. Wisdom lies in the fact that throughout our lives we learn new things. There is no need to put off self-development until later and completely devote yourself to your chosen one.
- The atmosphere in the home and in relationships largely depends on the spouse. If your beloved returns from work every day, sees a dissatisfied face and listens to complaints, this will not lead to anything good. Fun, a sense of humor and a good mood are the keys to a happy marriage.
- Despite the fact that guys are considered representatives of the stronger sex, in reality this is not entirely true. They need the care and support that their chosen one can give them. Being a friend to your man means taking one more step towards his ideal.
Seriousness.
On the other hand, you also need someone who won't make fun of any situation, no matter how serious, and will treat your headaches and problems with the seriousness and attention they deserve. You have had partners in the past who downplayed the seriousness of your problems, or even did not consider them problems at all.
And now you refuse to settle for someone who is not ready to help you pass through the darkness and cold of problems to the safe haven on the other side
You've had partners in the past who downplayed the seriousness of your problems, or even didn't consider them problems at all. And now you refuse to settle for someone who is not ready to help you pass through the darkness and cold of problems to the safe haven on the other side.
Working with the inner child
Exercise at night
Before going to bed, remember your entire day and highlight 10 things for which you can love yourself. In the morning we woke up, did some exercises, “oh, how great I am, I love myself.” I handed in a report at work, “I’m such a sweetheart, I adore myself.” Just find 10 things, absolutely any, even absurd ones, for which you love yourself.
Every day love will grow higher and higher, more and more, and will reach the point where you can say with confidence that you love yourself and everything is fine in your life. But, without psychotherapy, this path is very long, so I recommend that you begin, rather, to remove from the subconscious all the negative situations that have affected you. A lot of them.
How can a woman learn to value herself?
A woman planning to develop self-respect will have to work in two main areas:
- Improving external attractiveness.
- Enrichment and development of the inner world.
Being under constant pressure from society, a woman may begin to experience nervousness and depression, which can lead to the formation of various complexes
Therefore, if a woman sets a goal to increase her own value, she should pay attention to the following recommendations:
- Be proud of even the smallest victories. Always remember that you are a woman who has a number of advantages and disadvantages. And, if disadvantages are usually hidden, then the advantages are worth being proud of. Have you dreamed of learning belly dancing or culinary arts for a long time and finally achieved it? Many will consider your achievements insignificant, but you must remember how much effort was spent on the path to your goal. Despite all the difficulties, you were able to realize your dream, therefore, you have something to be proud of.
- Maintain your attractiveness. The main weapon of every woman is her appearance. Therefore, try your best to improve your image. Visit the gym, beauty salon, follow fashion trends. If you do not have the financial ability to use the services of specialists, then do not despair. Think about folk beauty recipes, take note of video lessons from leading fitness trainers. All this will help you stay in shape.
- The right environment. In order to develop self-esteem, you should communicate with confident women, look for like-minded women. Try to spend more time not talking with your neighbor about borscht and pots, but in conversations with those representatives of the fair sex who can share valuable experience with you and give wise advice.
Important Work on yourself should be regular and desirable. Over time you will see a noticeable difference
Don't expect quick results, but know that the reward will be a confident outlook and respect for yourself as an individual.
We increase our self-esteem
How can a woman increase her self-esteem and become confident? You need to follow a number of simple recommendations.
Minimize or stop communicating with people around whom self-esteem decreases
People around you can easily figure out a person who can be manipulated. Women with low self-esteem are ideally suited for these purposes. They always doubt their choice, need advice and tips, are offended by criticism, constantly make excuses, and feel guilty. As a result, they become so-called scapegoats. It turns out that they themselves allow themselves to be treated this way.
Fixing the situation is quite simple. It is enough to show everyone that the current situation is no longer satisfactory. You need to show your character. There is no need for hysterics or showdowns here. You should firmly voice your position.
It will be difficult for people to get used to the updated personality. Therefore, many of them will continue to use reliability and kindness. Communication with them should be limited or completely eliminated. Let there be those nearby who do not drag you down, but, on the contrary, help you develop and become better.
Love yourself
It is very difficult to do this, although they are trying to instill the idea from all sides. Loving yourself does not mean becoming selfish and not caring about the feelings of others. The concept includes completely different components:
- harmony with yourself as a person;
- respect for character, figure;
- acceptance of your inner world.
The famous American psychologist Louise Hay suggests doing a simple exercise every day. In the morning, looking at yourself in the mirror, you need to confess your love to yourself. You should also plan things that will lift your spirits and bring pleasure. This is difficult to do at first. But over time, the woman will pronounce the phrase easily and freely.
According to the same Louise Hay, in order to solve the problem, you need to change your thoughts.
We set ourselves positive attitudes
To do this, you need to become familiar with the concepts of affirmation and visualization. Both techniques gradually teach you to love yourself, see your strengths, and learn to say “no.”
Despite the effectiveness of the methods proven by psychologists, many say that they do not work. In fact, everything is not like that. For clarity, we can give an example with a plant. From the moment the seeds are planted until the first fruits ripen, a significant period of time passes. The same is true with self-esteem. First, a woman “plants” the thought of self-love in her consciousness. And then, with the help of affirmations and visualization, he gradually cultivates it.
Let's meditate
The meditation process looks like this:
- relax;
- free your mind from negativity;
- close eyes;
- mentally transport yourself to a pleasant place.
It is important to feel the sounds and aromas exactly. And then let a person appear in your thoughts, for example, a kind wizard, who will say a lot of compliments, talk about your virtues, good qualities, and also emphasize the features of your appearance.
After such a pleasant conversation, you need to take a deep breath and open your eyes.
We don’t save on ourselves
Here we recall a phrase said by Remarque: “A woman who saves on herself evokes in a man the only desire - to save on her.” She is 100% truthful.
External attractiveness can boost a woman’s self-esteem like nothing else. By the way, this is why many men choose women who are undemanding in this regard. They know that next to them they will not have to strain or change themselves.
Women of any age should not save on their beauty and, especially, health. Exercising in the gym or swimming pool, regular cosmetic procedures, visiting a beauty salon - all this will improve your appearance, give you self-confidence, and change the attitude of others.
Self-doubt breeds disrespect
The more crap a person is willing to tolerate just like that, the more rules and principles he is willing to ignore, the less he values himself, the less respect he will have.
You don’t need to be a great psychologist to understand: these thoughts are a consequence of low self-esteem. This means that self-esteem urgently needs to be raised. Because self-doubt not only spoils relationships with men, but also reduces your possible achievements and prevents you from enjoying life.
Is it possible to increase self-esteem? Can. And it's not that difficult. I recommend starting by reading the article about low self-esteem, and then you will understand what to do.
When a woman cannot be called worthy
Society has developed certain stereotypes of behavior in which a woman loses the right to be called worthy, namely:
- A feeling of inferiority without a man, the desire to meet someone, to enter into any relationship, just so as not to be lonely;
- “Running” after a man, monitoring his communication, even checking his phone and social networks;
- Flirting of a married lady in relation to other men;
- Familiar, cheeky behavior;
- Agreement to play a “secondary role” in a relationship with a man;
- Long-suffering if the relationship becomes unbearable for a number of reasons;
- A manner of dressing that is inappropriate in society, expressed in open exposure of one’s body, the presence of clothes of “flashy” colors, etc.;
- Insult and humiliation of a man;
- Deceiving a partner, hiding money and having a “second” life;
- Screaming, swearing, quarreling, proving that you are right;
- Vanity, attempts to curry favor with society and gain love and recognition;
- The presence of envy and the desire to gossip;
- Treating any strangers as rivals and homewreckers;
- Easy attitude towards sexual contacts with different men;
- Habit of lying;
- Lack of desire to take care of one’s appearance, clothing and home;
- The struggle for one’s happiness and the conquest of a “place under the luminary,” expressed in the seizure of someone else’s territory, a husband or a pair of boots;
- Agreement not to spend the night at home. Unmarried women cannot spend the night where they “slept”, as this is indecent. A man who knows and respects your boundaries will always take a lady home;
- Committing dishonest or illegal acts;
- Smoking, excessive drinking, swearing;
- Kissing, frivolous hugging or other displays of passion in public places;
- Household “servicing” of men’s needs before marriage. This is the function of the domestic worker or legal wife;
- Living in a civil marriage and having children in such circumstances;
- Displaying a photo in underwear or a swimsuit. The same applies to photographs in which a woman openly demonstrates her readiness for sexual pleasures.
Some items on this list have been slightly adjusted and softened over time. Thus, society has become more tolerant of living together without a stamp in the passport. And children born out of wedlock have long been no longer called bastards.
The great Faina Ranevskaya said: “It is better to be a good person who swears than a quiet, well-mannered creature.” Not a message for action, but a reason for mass “not stoning.”
Respect will go, love will go
You will stop loving your man if you stop respecting him. And vice versa it also works.
Therefore, a man should never lose respect for his woman. And this part of the relationship depends entirely on the woman. Because you can never say: “It’s his fault that he stopped respecting me.” It just doesn't happen that way.
Therefore, “how to make a man respect himself” is not an entirely correct way of asking the question. You don’t need to force anyone to respect you, otherwise it’s similar to when the boss, the son of the owner of the company, who has not done anything useful and cannot boast of either intelligence or professionalism, tries to force himself to be respected by pressure. It won't work out like that.
Pump up your qualities - and then it will be impossible not to respect you.
Work on self-respect, respect those who deserve it, maintain your dignity, and may everything work out for you! Happy relationship
