On our forum there were, are and will be topics that wives start when they suddenly find themselves the “weak link” in their own marriage. “Who is to blame” is not usually asked, although, as psychologists say, this is exactly where we should start. But the question “What to do?” sounds in every way. With him, we turned to our permanent expert, the mysterious Natalya R., the owner of the NR club, which is regularly visited by women who, at one, not at all wonderful moment, became not the only and unloved ones.
In fact, we had a whole list of questions, but in the end we did not interrupt the monologue of our interlocutor, who knows not only the causes and consequences, but also the ways out of the current situation. The proposed strategy allows a woman to return, if not the cheater, then something even more important - self-respect and self-confidence. We give the floor to Natalia R.
Loyalty = self-respect
My opinion is categorical: if a man openly cheats, he has no place in your life and head.
A man who openly cheats does not respect either his partner or himself - if he were worthy, he would choose his “one and only beloved.”
By the way, this may have nothing to do with the real wife. She just might be that “one and only beloved,” but her husband will not notice this. And she, most likely, too, since she allows disrespect for herself.
Love is always about respect, trust, interest and, of course, respect for your partner’s feelings.
Let's look at the main causes and consequences of such flawed, painful relationships, and the psychosomatics of a love triangle in general. Moreover, not only in the usual format of FFM, but MFM, when the triangle rarely lasts long, and we are talking about “fights without rules” in the event of a secret being revealed.
Are extramarital affairs good or bad?
What is a love triangle?
This is when a married man or married woman has an affair on the side, and not necessarily a sexual one, sometimes it is a friendly, platonic or poetic relationship or virtual-Internet flirting by correspondence. Sometimes it looks like a guy or girl can’t decide on their chosen one and continue a parallel relationship. To a person who is torn between two or more partners, it seems that there is no other way. And, despite scandals, feelings of guilt and other inconveniences, he continues this “adventure-torture.” Often this takes on the nature of addiction and is no different from alcoholism or gambling addiction. Society and partners may view this differently. Some people understand that “I’m on you like I’m at war,” that relationships are constantly hanging by a thread, but this only turns them on, it only fans the flames of passion. Every evening they conquer their partner again and again, proving their superiority over a real or virtual lover.
But often for the husband or wife of such a person, being in such a relationship is a difficult, debilitating test, which is accompanied by a feeling of impasse - “This will never end,” a feeling of guilt - “There must be something wrong with me! I’m a worthless wife or a bad husband”, aggression – “I spent the best years of my life on you, and you...!!!”, exhaustion – “I can’t take it anymore. Let it all go to waste!
But from the point of view of the family system, there is no room for moral assessments. You can't say whether it's good or bad. From the point of view of the family system, if something happens, then there are very real reasons for it. Let's look at some of them.
Reasons for cheating
So, the reasons for cheating. They are the same for both sexes.
Recognition and admiration
It is very important to stroke your partner's self-esteem. Do not flatter, but sincerely appreciate the merits and do not forget to admire them. Give thanks for pleasant little things. Admire the beauty and taste of your beloved, the care and strength of your loved one.
Lack and monotony of sex
How much has already been said and discussed, and there are plenty of different courses, still many women believe that experiments in bed are with prostitutes. And there’s a lot more “grandmother’s” stuff that I personally don’t understand.
Is it so difficult to go on YouTube and find ways to spice up your sex life?
Moreover, both sexes have these blinders! How many men cheat because “she kisses children with those lips.”
The need for honesty and openness
Trust is the basis of family relationships! This concerns not only sexual fidelity, but also respect for secrets and secrets.
When each partner feels that the information told to the other is taboo for disclosure. When there are no lies even in small things.
The need for high-quality performance of one’s male/female responsibilities
Everything is trivial and does not lose relevance. A woman expects from her husband the maintenance that he is capable of, even if she herself earns well.
That he will be a good father to her children (even if they are not his!). That he will support her and protect her (from his mother, neighbors, authorities, “friends”).
Satisfying these needs does not guarantee fidelity, because... it also depends on the individual characteristics of the partners, but losing such a relationship will be incredibly painful.
Everyone will think carefully about whether it is worth risking happiness for the sake of momentary pleasure (and not the fact that pleasure).
Everything is different with us...
You know, as a practicing psychologist, I have many examples of how love triangles end. It all starts romantically and erotically, every “illegal” couple thinks that they “will be smarter and won’t fall in love or get caught,” “it will just be sex,” or the common thing among mistresses: “he really loves me, he’ll go to me.” and we will be happy."
But in fact...
Psychologist Sergei Klyuchnikov
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Triangle is a figure common in nature. According to the Chinese, one generates two, two generates three, and three generates everything else, a myriad of things. In human society, three people are already a team that can do a lot. There are positive triangles, but there are also negative ones. A negative triangle is a union of people who are not committed to a positive task, but to conflict. In human relationships, this includes a love triangle. Krylov's fable the swan, the crayfish and the pike, where everyone pulls in his own direction, is about exactly this. Everyone defends their interests, but they do not work for the common good, but for a conflicting problem formation. A love triangle occurs for a variety of reasons. The couple’s relationship does not provide completeness, for example, one of the spouses is not able to provide the partner with everything he needs: he is unable to tolerate this state of affairs and begins to look for another person. More often, of course, nature pushes men to cheat. Moreover, not all, but certain psychological types. These include such as a womanizer, a manipulator, a tyrant, an emotionally dissatisfied person, a sexually preoccupied person, a dependent person, and a henpecked person.
Often a love triangle is a prelude to divorce. One of the spouses is subconsciously looking for a replacement marriage partner in order to leave the family. Sometimes people just need intrigue, and sometimes relationships between three people are based on material or career gain.
Such an unstable formation creates a risky unstable situation, and the relationship teeters on the brink of destruction. It is not clear whether the partner will leave or not, and what will happen to the feelings. It is possible that they will fade towards one participant in the love triangle and bloom towards the other. In other words, it is not clear whether the couple will break up or not. It happens that the third is far from superfluous, but only strengthens the couple’s relationship. And a completely unpromising situation occurs: the couple’s feelings are killed, and the third is left with nothing. In short, a love triangle is always a symptom and a test of a couple’s strength.
Everyone is in dire need of novelty. Both men and women get tired of monotony, boredom, routine, they are tired of the predicament of relationships. A mistress or lover brings a sense of variety, adrenaline, and passion. This gives a charge of positive emotions, a feeling of renewal. The side effects of such relationships include tension, and sometimes it is very significant. The wife, the mistress, the unfaithful husband are tense. From a psychological point of view, this is a problematic condition. A rival or rival can exist either on deception or manipulation. There is no other way. This is always a condition that can lead either to exhaustion, or to dulling of feelings, or to the destruction of relationships. In this situation, by definition, there is a certain incompleteness, which can lead either to a complete return to the family, or to leaving for a mistress. Or maybe, as in the famous film “Autumn Marathon,” it drags on for a long time, as if hanging at a certain point. Strategies for solving the problem Let's try to separate the wheat from the chaff: get rid of false strategies in favor of the right ones. How do people behave in such situations? Often a love triangle leads to divorce, but this depends on the behavior of the parties. And everyone behaves differently. For example, one of my clients set a goal for herself to catch her husband cheating at all costs. Moreover, she decided in advance that as soon as she succeeded, she would immediately divorce him. Soon she found evidence of her husband's infidelity and filed for divorce. Now it is very difficult for her, but, nevertheless, she has the bit between her teeth. She prefers to remain in splendid isolation than to endure betrayal. Or another scenario. The wife herself takes on a lover, and the family union becomes even more unstable. As a rule, having learned about the betrayal of his better half, a man happily leaves for his mistress. In this situation, he willingly relieves himself of responsibility and experiences a feeling of satisfaction. One of my clients told me how she tried this strategy. But as soon as her husband suspected her of cheating, he felt offended in his best feelings, packed his things and left.
Third option. The wife has come to terms with the fact that her husband has a mistress, she has given up on everything and endures it, taking care of the house and children. This is also a hopeless option. You can and even need to accept this situation, but you cannot resign yourself and remain at the same level. This is a weak position. This approach will not save the family.
If a woman takes the right position, she can save the family. How should we proceed? First, try to understand what your husband lacks and compensate for this lack. Become the woman of his dreams again. I always clarify this point in detail from clients during individual consultations. What kind of women does your husband admire, what qualities did he especially value during a romantic relationship? It happens that a woman does not understand a man at all; for her he is a closed black box. The man perceives her in the same way. A woman who suspects something is wrong, in order to play the next game, needs to become internally independent, self-sufficient, and believe that she can do without her husband. We really need to gain material and psychological independence. If a woman feels deeply offended, sits all day, bursting into tears, and waits for her unfaithful husband, especially if she financially depends on him, then there is nothing to talk about here. It is important that a woman has her own interests and social circle. This state of affairs, as a rule, has a much more effective effect on men than hysterics and ultimatums. When a woman believes in herself, she will discover sources of strength within herself - and this is not so easy. I have written many books on this topic. It is possible to awaken this in every person, nurture it and direct this power into the sphere of relationships with a man. If she becomes internally stable and strong, protected, it will be easier for her to enter into the image of the woman of his dreams.
First of all, you need to renew and reload your consciousness, love and accept yourself. And at the same time change externally. Everything is important: hairstyle, demeanor, intonation, clothes, the feeling of a queen. The husband will feel it immediately. A man gets a thrill from confident, sunny and warm women who are doing well and who radiate positive energy. Especially modern men, among whom there are many infantile ones.
If a lady manages to seriously change (perhaps with the help of a psychologist) and demonstrate to her man a renewed self, then it is quite possible that, having compared her with her mistress, he will stay with her. If she fails to do this, then he will reach out to his mistress, who at first has a head start. The worst mistakes women make all the time are endless reproaches, scandals, accusations, and criticism of their mistress. Such tactics will only push any man away. It is much easier to leave a bitch wife, and it is quite logical to prefer a geisha mistress who will listen carefully and caress a man. In my practice, there were cases when a woman attacked her unfaithful husband so much and insulted him that he, without even intending to leave, was forced to do so. One of them, having drunk cognac for courage, called her husband’s mistress at work or home and told her everything that she thought about her, that she was boiling. In retaliation, her husband did not speak to her for several days. It is not surprising that this story ended badly for her: he still left for his mistress. It is completely wrong to poison yourself with jealousy . It is stupid and absurd to follow a man, catch him “in the act” and incriminate him. This is an absolutely losing position. Under no circumstances should you lose respect for yourself and your partner. In this regard, I remember a client who set up real surveillance of her husband in order, in her words, to pin him down. I asked: “Well, what next, what is the sequence of your actions?” She replied: “I don’t know. I will prove that he is a scoundrel." That is, it was more important for her not to save the family, but to throw out her negative emotions. The man might have stayed, although he hesitated, if she had not lifted this curtain. But she did not have enough intelligence or patience to behave with restraint and balance. It was more important for her to tear off the masks, and when this happened, he said: “Well, well, if I’m so bad, I’m leaving and the conversation is over.” The woman rushed to beg and beg him, but he was adamant.
When women come to me with similar problems, I advise them to become a bright, attractive, sexy lover for their husband, in which case the rival will turn into a boring and boring wife. You have advantages: children, years lived, material assets acquired together, mutual friends, but all this is perceived as routine and is not valued. It needs to sparkle with new colors. To do this, work on yourself, change, add sexuality, pepper, and novelty to the relationship. Otherwise, everything will end badly for you. Indeed, often in individual consultations it was enough for me to outline a few steps, and the man returned to the family. Because representatives of the stronger sex are by nature very conservative and not prone to change. Rather, it is more important for them to preserve their wife and their usual way of life than to go into the unknown. But the woman herself often burns the bridge that connects them, she herself cuts the branch on which she sits, she herself pushes him towards his mistress. I advise clients to read the French writer Andre Maurois “Letters to a Stranger,” where the correct strategy for the behavior of a smart wife is brilliantly described. She gets to know her rival, even becomes friends with her, recognizes her strengths and weaknesses. And gradually pushes her out of her husband’s life. But this, of course, is much more difficult than lashing out, throwing out your poisonous grievances on your husband. The sphere of feelings requires a subtle and delicate approach; rudeness in this matter is completely inappropriate. The first condition for victory is self-sufficiency, strength. I have to tell myself, yes, I accept this situation, yes, I was wrong, I was wrong, but I will try to change everything. But without self-deprecation. This should be calm introspection and clear action. The main thing is to choose the right direction. Gradually, a man can be reoriented, put on the right path, that is, the love triangle can be opened.
But in order to strengthen the relationship, it is important that you have a unifying principle. It’s not for nothing that Saint-Exupéry said that to love is to look not at each other, but in the same direction. If two subjects of the opposite sex look in the same direction, something third is formed. This design can be called a karmic triangle, and it is aimed at the future. The two go there together and this movement unites them. If they are focused only on each other, then they either begin to get bored, or make trouble, or look for satisfaction and release on the side. In other words, if there is a void in your relationship, then one way or another it will be filled. If two people create a model for a joint interesting and inspiring future, then the family will withstand any storms.
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Swamp of the FFM triangle: two women - one man
About the participants. Wives who “are the last to know” and therefore suffer from severe, purely female psychosomatics (sometimes to the point of oncology) because they suppress this “secret” knowledge within themselves.
Husbands who are torn between duty, public censure, and a sense of guilt (before both - before their wife, who cheats, and before their beloved, who does not leave and does not pay due attention to her).
Well, and, of course, mistresses . It is most difficult for them in terms of social condemnation and wasted time - for short-lived happiness they pay dearly with health, pride, years, youth and self-confidence. And sometimes - childlessness due to abortions... Or, fleeing from love and “fast deadlines” for marriage and childbirth, they jump out to marry the first person they meet, dooming themselves to a sad existence without love.
Well, no one has canceled the cause-and-effect Laws of the Universe - you may not even recognize the “punishment” for the sins of the past... Karma, fate, everything about it.
Bloody MFM triangle: two men - one woman
The situation is more acute in the case of MFM. Sometimes such triangles have a sad ending with a criminal outcome.
Even the calmest man can lose his head and behave inappropriately, causing physical harm to his wife and her lover.
Especially if infidelity has become the property of the masses and the “cuckold” has to react to public opinion and defend masculinity.
In my practice, there was a standard dramatic case with serious bodily injuries to the wife’s lover, the involvement of criminals (“putting on the counter”), the expulsion of the wife from the house in what she was wearing when she was caught cheating.
Was the game worth the trouble?
To understand how difficult it is to get out of a love triangle, it’s worth watching how others do it. In the case that I mentioned, the lovers after this story could not even see each other. And it took my wife a long time to return to her usual social rhythm...
By the way, according to the wife (ex-wife), she entered into this relationship out of accumulated resentment toward her partner, and “punished” him in such a primitive way. And, if a woman knew about the upcoming humiliating outcome, she would never have stooped to infidelity.
Who is to blame for the betrayal?
What should partners who have already experienced betrayal do in a love triangle? They should be clearly aware of their “contribution” and not blame someone else. It’s easier to withdraw into yourself or switch to another person than to work on the crisis that has arisen.
Endless squabbles or vice versa - withdrawing into oneself, avoiding conversation - only alienate partners from each other and from solving the pressing problem.
Everyone is to blame here. Equally.
Blame the wife
Most likely, in marriage, the wife relaxed and ceased to be an enthusiastic girl, a lover. She stopped admiring her man or lost herself and stopped being interesting to herself and to him, respectively.
From an alluring seductress she could turn into a mother-children-chainsaw-“give me money”, who often says: “I gave birth to two or three of him, even if he loves me like that.” Sex could become a duty for her, and marriage just a habit...
The husband is to blame
The husband’s fault could be that he did not indicate to his wife in time that she had gradually grown from size S to XL. He could burden his wife with everyday life and children, and suddenly he is no longer happy with the free “nanny-housekeeper”.
By rudeness or indifference, he killed his wife’s desire and ability to please and excite. And instead of explaining what didn’t suit him, he preferred to find new feelings and emotions.
Such husbands are afraid to take responsibility and the strength to be a man, sort out their feelings and choose ONE, but instead continue to humiliate both and torture them with hopes and expectations.
The mistress is to blame
It is the mistress who is the key figure at the entrance to the triangle. It depends only on her whether this relationship will exist. Unless, of course, the man hides his status.
Each one naively (regardless of age, social status and intelligence) thinks exactly the same things (to choose from):
- it's not for long;
- it's just a sexual adventure;
- he will go to me;
- the wife is a cold, insensitive egoist, I will warm him with my love;
- we love each other!
Of course, this may not last long. And wives can be selfish fools. And maybe you even have love...
Although, if it is more realistic, falling in love: there is no everyday life, you walk around longer, beautiful and erotic, preparing for each meeting, he splashes out the negativity at home, and brings you libido and gifts.
You don’t even know what you’re like in everyday life (sneak trips for a couple of days don’t count).
Real life cases
Some statistics It is impossible to know in reality how many families end up in a love triangle, but according to careful estimates of experts, at least 20–25% of married couples have secretly or openly tried such relationships.
At risk are married couples with more than 5-6 years of experience, with a conflicting way of communication, who have a high enough income to organize additional meetings and hide their next passion for a long time.
The story of an unfaithful wife
Anna, Omsk
Our family life began quite routinely, or simply put, “out of the blue,” there were no courtships or romantic proposals with rings. The wedding didn’t really work out either, it was expensive and there was no time. I quickly got used to my new responsibilities, as if I had been stuck in the kitchen and near the washing machine all my life.
Then at work I met a divorced driver, he was very energetic and sociable, skillfully looked after me, and said a lot of compliments.
We started meeting occasionally in his apartment, I didn’t attach much importance to these meetings. It seemed to me that this was just a random chance to diversify my own life, have fun and feel wanted.
One day I returned home and realized that I was left alone, my husband took all my things and left to no one knows where. I felt incredibly ashamed, because he did nothing to deserve such an attitude, I realized that I had destroyed the only fortress in my life.
I realized that more than anything in the world I wanted to return his warmth and understanding, which I did not appreciate and took for granted. With trembling hands I dialed him on the phone, he answered immediately, I said that I was ready to make any sacrifice if only he would return. We talked for a long time, he said that he was not ready to see me yet.
Fortunately, a week later I saw him on the threshold of our home, he also looked very exhausted. We had to overcome for a very long time, with great patience, the catastrophic consequences of what seemed like a fleeting and insignificant adventure.
The story of the “walking” husband
Victor, Tikhvin
I was incredibly tired of family life, constant requests and reproaches, as if I had an endless supply of resources, I didn’t get enough sleep, I didn’t rest mentally, but new requests and demands constantly arose.
My wife was always looking for a job, but there were no suitable vacancies, or the salary was low, or the requirements were stupid, or the boss was crazy, in short, there were only freaks and degenerates all around.
I purposefully registered on a dating site and began to actively explore new ways of communication. This is a whole epic; with great difficulty we managed to sort out a couple of normal contacts. We corresponded with one girl for a long time, then we decided to meet. I didn’t even understand at what point I felt that I needed daily communication with her, that her opinion on absolutely any matter was important to me.
My wife managed to track me down, a real nightmare began, she screamed and jumped on me like a wild gorilla. All attempts to discuss the situation and my condition led to new attacks of rage. She even hinted at monetary compensation for her suffering and psychological trauma.
I had to leave the premises to preserve my common sense and the remnants of my pride. She called more than forty times in one evening, sent several messages with abuse. Then she completely attacked my parents, I don’t even know what she was trying to achieve.
I’m not making excuses for myself, but it’s beyond my capabilities to endure this. We had to part, I remember this period with horror and shudder. I live alone for now and have no plans to get married in the near future.
Statistics of exits from love triangles
Statistics are a stubborn thing: only 3-5% of the total mass of such relationships end in the marriage of lovers. At the same time, it is not a fact that a man will cope with depression from feelings of guilt in front of an abandoned family, public censure, and a ban on seeing children. To restore your psyche after leaving, you need time equal to a month for each year of marriage. How long did your loved one “suffer” there? 10-15-25 years?
And, an important point. It's only hard the first time. Steal, cheat, get divorced... Now it won’t be difficult to change and leave - you set an example that it’s “possible.”
It is believed that in such a triangle it is easiest for a man - he lives in a family and goes to his beloved for pleasure. Paradise!
In fact, the most difficult thing for a man is the feeling of guilt, eternal squabbles on both sides with the demand to “choose her.” Find time in your busy work schedule for dates.
And if you give one something more than the other... A scandal. Satisfy both sexually, since inevitably each will accuse him of having sex with the other. From such tension you won’t want any sex anymore!
In addition, a man can be sincerely in love with his mistress and suffer from the inability to be with her always, but be a decent man with a high threshold of responsibility (no matter how comical it sounds in such a situation) and not leave his wife and children.
I have unfortunate trios who live in such a swamp for years or decades. Often, mistresses even have children in order to balance the odds, but their husbands still do not leave for them.
Who benefits from this?
Breaking the Karpman triangle is very, very difficult, because being in it is beneficial to all participants in the process.
- You don’t have to take responsibility for your decisions – it’s always someone else’s fault
- There is always the opportunity to experience strong emotions (even if they are only a surrogate for real feelings, but how easy it is to get them).
So it turns out that the Victim absolutely does not want to completely get rid of the Persecutor. And the Rescuer, in turn, does not want to help the Victim finally solve the problem - otherwise who will he save? No, the Victim wants to receive as much attention and care as possible, the Persecutor experiences righteous anger and a desire to punish all the “guilty”. The rescuer experiences a sense of omnipotence and superiority.
Features of MFM love triangles
MFM triangles are less durable and have their own rules and principles. On the one hand, women are more cautious, they cheat quietly, unnoticed by their husband, who “pushed” her into the hands of her lover precisely with his indifference (mostly).
Unlike cheating husbands, who enter into adultery mainly, sorry, with their genitals, a woman gets into the triangle with her heart.
And, if the cheating husband does not stop sexual contact with his wife (although everyone feeds his mistresses with assurances “I haven’t slept with my wife for a long time!”), then the cheater feels that if she falls in love with her lover, she is already cheating on her Lover, and not on her husband, and avoids having sex with him contacts.
Despite the latency of such triangles, they are revealed brightly and enchantingly for all participants. I have already written about one such example.
For a woman who imagines infidelity as a “refuge” from a difficult relationship with her husband, I would definitely recommend not to risk it and leave her unloved husband.
Triangle of fate
There is one very interesting model through which most of these problematic relationships can be explained. This is the so-called Karpman-Burn triangle (you can read more about it in Eric Burn’s book “Games People Play”). It has three roles: Persecutor (Aggressor, Executioner, Tyrant - terminology varies slightly in different sources), Victim and Rescuer (Savior).
This triangle is often called the magic triangle. The roles in it are not strictly fixed, and the participants constantly “run” from one role to another, at the same time drawing more and more new participants into it.
To forgive or not to forgive betrayal?
Don't forgive
A couple who has cheated should talk. Without nerves and insults and accusations. Accept equal degrees of responsibility and guilt.
Evaluate your feelings and decide whether there is still love (mutual!) and whether it is worth living together further. Finally, admit it if you no longer have it. Realize that you are connected by anything: debt, children, business, but not by what should be the basis in a family - love.
What kind of relationship example do you set for the children for whom you “endure”? With your “happiness” you show them that this swamp is a “family”. Where dad walks and mom endures.
The good news is that you both have a chance to meet your love and a chance to find YOUR happiness! Let each other go in peace and part as friends (if you have children, this friendship will be useful to you).
Forgive
If you decide to give your relationship a second chance, go to negotiations, discuss complaints and grievances, and correct mistakes.
If possible, go on vacation together or stay in a hotel for 2-3 days. And most importantly, if you decide to move on together, then only on the condition that this does not happen again. And never think about betrayal! If it happens again, you will have to leave.
Shut your mouth!
Don't tell anyone anything! Make peace - it will be a shame that you forgave it. If you break up, it’s a shame that you were cheated on (everyone cheats on you, but you are not everyone...).
“Well, what was he missing?!”
Let's return to the “dragons” that men feed when communicating with women. What do they need so that they don’t have the desire to look for it on the side? These are just five things: peace of mind, comfort, safety, stability, predictability . It will be difficult to take a man who has all this away from the family.
“If a man lacks at least one of these five components, its absence can push the man out of the relationship and into the arms of his mistress.”
With calm and stability everything is clear, with predictability it is more difficult. It is often confused with everyday life - when a wife turns from a beauty into a person who has given up on herself. In fact, predictability is the understanding that everything can change in this world, but the wife’s reactions, support and love will remain unchanged.
A man needs to be surprised, but at the same time he should always feel that he will be accepted, hugged, and enveloped in love. By the way, you need to surprise him with a minus sign, take him out of his comfort zone, so that he strives to return to this zone and appreciate it with renewed vigor.
“The highest aerobatics for a wife is to be predictable in the right sense of the word, but to remain a mystery, a haze that a man wants to follow, despite the fact that you live together and know a lot about each other.”
And one more thing: a wise wife never puts emotional pressure on a man, in no case compares him with other men in the style of “but Vasya...”, does not try to make a decision for him, but always provides him with this opportunity.
What should wives do?
My only advice to women: take care of yourself. And then your husband will take care of you, or he will no longer be your husband). If she is interested in being alone with herself and she is happy, then he will be drawn to a developed and happy wife.
Fall in love with your husband! Again. If you loved him at all or he deserves it. Every person has something worth appreciating. (Or do you value only for money?! Then don’t play the victim and don’t suffer!).
The man reacts to the picture. Take it for granted. Once again, take care of yourself. Make yourself beautiful, attractive first of all for yourself! And then he will pay 100% attention to you and the reaction of other men.
Finally, go in for sports. Keep yourself busy. Read, find a hobby for yourself. You will have no time and no interest in keeping an eye on your husband. And he will get tense if he sees that you have interests other than him, children and home.
In addition, if you break up (he leaves for his mistress or you finally get tired of fighting for someone for whom you are not valuable enough to be the only one), you will have self-confidence and a source of existence.
Start seeing the virtues in your man and tell him about them. Praise your man. Build his self-esteem!
What should men do?
Open your eyes and take care of your wife! Or someone else will take care of it...
If you are ready to forgive cheating, let your woman know that you value and respect her and that you can be romantic. Cherish it. For the rest, the wife herself will help you, doing everything to ensure that the memory of the betrayal remains a bad dream. If you want to have sex with your wife, you can discuss this option. But only according to the rules and be sure to listen to her. If the answer is “No”, don’t risk your feelings and future for the sake of fantasy.
What should lovers do?
Save yourself! Go away. Run without looking back! You are paying too much for these rare hours of happiness: time irrevocably wasted on waiting, youth and the opportunity to have children with your beloved husband, health due to nerves, sexual dissatisfaction, feelings of resentment towards the entire male world, and feelings of guilt before the female world...
Know that you can get out of your love triangle !
How to get out of a love triangle? Samoilov method
If the numerous, sad stories of others are not enough for you, and you console yourself with the thought that “it’s not the time yet,” then I suggest you set this time yourself: tell your loved one that you can’t stand it anymore, you want a family with him and... you will wait for him another 3 months.
No meetings. And if, after this period, he does not come with suitcases and a passport with a divorce mark (or a copy of the divorce petition from the court), then you consider yourself a free woman and open to relationships with other men.
