Confidence is a vital personality trait. What does it give to a person? Firstly, a feeling of happiness. Anyone who has low self-esteem is prone to constant self-criticism and doubts about their actions. It is not surprising that in such cases life flies by and there is no need to talk about happiness and success. A self-confident person has a positive assessment of his skills and abilities, which means he can more easily achieve his goals.
In this article we will talk about what causes self-doubt and analyze effective methods for increasing self-esteem. First, let's talk about the concept of “self-esteem” and its functions.
What is self-esteem
Self-esteem is a person’s level of understanding of himself, his positive and negative qualities, assessment of his personality, part of the self-concept.
Self-perception is inextricably linked to the degree of self-love. The more a person loves himself, the more adequate and higher his self-esteem.
Personal self-esteem is a very significant indicator and influences how a person’s life will turn out. Confidence in your merits, faith in your own strengths allows you to achieve success. On the contrary, humiliation, feelings of guilt and shame, and unjustified shyness prevent internal needs from manifesting and being realized. Basic self-esteem is formed in childhood, but this is a category that can change over time and is subject to correction.
How to solve self-esteem problems with psychotherapy and counseling
Today, there are many ways that psychotherapy and counseling can help clients develop healthy self-esteem. When a client shares their thoughts and feelings with a therapist and the therapist responds with acceptance and compassion rather than judgment or correction, it lays the foundation for healthy self-esteem for the client. Unconditional positive regard allows a person to rethink some of their assumptions and come to the conclusion that adjustments to their self-perception need to be made.
The therapist will explain that self-esteem is a personal belief, not a fact, and that such beliefs are based on our experiences. This helps eliminate the need to cultivate a sense of high self-esteem. The specialist can offer the client new experiences on which a new constructive belief about himself is based.
The most important thing is that the psychotherapist accepts the client as he is, evaluates his thoughts and feelings as acceptable, and does not criticize him for them. The psychologist does not need to approve of the patient's every action, but showing acceptance and approval of who the person is at the deepest level has an extremely positive impact on the patient's self-esteem.
These rules are followed by an experienced, qualified psychologist and psychotherapist Irakli Pozharinsky. Contacting this talented and wise specialist will become an incentive for a person to develop a correct perception of his own personality, to dispel
Types of personality self-esteem in psychology
In psychology, there are three types of self-esteem. The classification is based on the degree to which a person’s self-importance corresponds to objective data. The more realistically a person evaluates himself, the more successful his relationships with people are and the higher his success in all areas of life.
Adequate self-esteem
With this type of self-perception, a person’s assessment coincides with reality. A person soberly realizes his strengths and weaknesses, knows his capabilities and needs, and determines his inner potential.
Such a person is capable of self-criticism and working on mistakes. Weaknesses are eliminated and strong characteristics are cultivated.
Inadequate self-esteem
Distorted self-esteem suggests that a person’s opinion of himself is far from objective. Radical self-perception can be overestimated or underestimated when a person either does not accept himself at all or believes that he has qualities that are not actually inherent in him. Inadequate self-esteem interferes with communication and professional achievement.
Mixed self-esteem
In this case, a person treats himself differently at different periods of his life, sometimes he shows more confidence, sometimes he becomes weak and complex.
We can also talk about a mixed view if we really look at ourselves in terms of some qualities, but inadequately in terms of other characteristics. For example, we confidently achieve success in our profession, but in our personal lives we consider ourselves unworthy of a suitable partner.
Definition of self-concept
Self-concept is a person’s stable idea of himself, the image of his own “I”. Typically viewed as our individual perception of our behavior, abilities, and unique characteristics—a mental picture of who you are as a person. For example, the beliefs “I am a good friend” or “I am a good person” are part of overall self-esteem.
Self-concept is more flexible when people are younger and still going through the process of self-discovery and identity formation. As people mature, they develop a better understanding of who they are and what is important to them, and self-esteem becomes more nuanced and organized.
Based on what different psychologists have identified, one can understand what is important in a person’s self-esteem. And you can see many of these positions in modern self-esteem tests. Or you can find a test for a specific area to evaluate it.
According to the book by Richard Crisp and Rhiannon Turner, considered the main researchers of social psychology, the human self consists of 3 parts:
- The individual self consists of the attributes and personal characteristics that distinguish us from other people. Examples include introversion or extroversion.
- The relational self is defined by our relationships with significant others. For example, brothers and sisters, friends, spouses of some authorities.
- The “collective self” reflects our membership in and interaction with social groups. For example, the school class, Russians, Tatars, workers, communists, engineers, rock music lovers, a patriotic circle, the gay community.
Like many other topics in psychology, a number of theorists have proposed different ways of thinking about self-concept.
According to a theory known as social identity theory, self-esteem consists of two key parts: personal identity and social identity.
Personal identity includes the traits and other characteristics that make each person unique. Social identity refers to how we identify with a collective, such as a community, religion, or political movement.
Psychologist Dr. Bruce A. Bracken, a longtime student of self-esteem in adults and children, proposed in 1992 that there are six specific areas related to self-esteem:
- Social: ability to interact with others
- Competence: ability to meet basic needs
- Affect: awareness of emotional states
- Physical: Perception of appearance, health, physical condition and appearance.
- Academic: success or failure in school
- Family: How well a person functions within a family.
Humanistic psychologist Carl Rogers, who for many years was interested in self-actualization, development and self-understanding by a person, believed that all that is needed for the growth and development of the natural potential inherent in a person is only to create the appropriate conditions. Self-esteem itself consists of three parts:
- Self-image or how you see yourself. Self-image, including physical attributes, personality traits, and social roles. It does not have to match reality; some people may have an inflated self-image, while others may perceive or exaggerate flaws and weaknesses.
- Self-esteem or how much you value yourself. This includes how we compare ourselves to others and how others react to us. When we respond positively, we are more likely to develop positive self-esteem. When we compare ourselves to others and find ourselves lacking in something, it can negatively impact our self-esteem.
- Ideal Self or how you would like to be. In many cases, the way we see ourselves and the way we would like to see ourselves are not exactly the same.
Congruence and incongruence
Our ideas about ourselves do not always fully correspond to reality. Or rather, more often than not they do not coincide. People will present themselves completely differently. Carla Rogers called the degree to which a person's self-esteem corresponds to reality congruence. If it does not correspond, it is incongruence. For example, some students may think they are good at school, but their grades may tell a different story.
Rogers says the roots of the disparity go back to childhood. When parents place conditions on their affection for their children (expressing love only if the children “earn it” by behaving in certain ways and meeting their parents' expectations), children begin to distort memories of experiences that make them feel unworthy of their parents. Children who experience love do not feel the need to constantly distort their memories in order to believe that other people will love and accept them for who they are.
Level of self-esteem
The level of self-esteem depends on the degree to which a person loves himself and compares with other people.
Understated
A person with low self-esteem treats himself without much warmth; he is not satisfied with the way his life is shaping up.
In external manifestations such an individual is expressed:
- frequent self-criticism;
- regularly occurring feelings of guilt;
- desire to please other people;
- fear of doing something wrong.
At the same time, a person’s objective data is good, there is potential, but due to the fear of making a mistake, they are often not realized.
Low
The most undesirable level of self-assessment, which does not allow you to build successful relationships and achieve results.
A person with low self-esteem is identified by the following symptoms:
- apologies are appropriate and inappropriate;
- neurotic feeling of guilt;
- constant justifications for one’s words and actions;
- lack of initiative due to complete lack of self-confidence.
With low self-esteem, an “imposter complex” is always present. If a person has achieved success, done something well, he will say that this is an accident and he has no merit in it.
His speech is replete with phrases such as: “I’m not sure,” “I can’t, I won’t succeed.” By the way, perfectionism is a manifestation of low and low self-esteem. Everyone knows examples when girls, seemingly with an ideal appearance, which many can only dream of, torture themselves with diets, go under the knife of plastic surgeons and develop severe pathologies.
Normal
Having normal self-esteem is a great success for a person! People are fully aware of their pros and cons, take their virtues and sins for granted, and try to correct the latter. A person respects and loves himself.
In external manifestations, such self-perception is expressed as follows:
- ability to make decisions and take responsibility for them;
- calm expression of one's opinion;
- stress resistance;
- adequate perception of criticism from the outside;
- realistic expectations.
A person who evaluates himself normally lives easily, calmly, harmoniously, she has many friends, and has all the opportunities for a successful personal life. The likelihood of mental and psychosomatic illnesses is low. A person does not gnaw at himself with a feeling of guilt; he realizes mistakes, corrects them and moves on.
High, overpriced
The essence of high and inflated self-esteem is the same - a distorted idea of oneself in the direction of praising advantages and ignoring shortcomings. An inflated self-perception is better for a person than an underestimated one, because it allows one to move forward. But such people have few close friends; they are often left alone.
Characteristics of a person with high self-esteem:
- narcissism, narcissism;
- intolerance of any criticism;
- unshakable confidence in one’s rightness;
- blaming the failures of others;
- lack of habit of asking for forgiveness, even if it is to blame;
- constant competition with colleagues and friends;
- lack of desire and skills to listen to the opponent.
Such a person is not interested in people, in principle. He often boasts, talks about his successes, and considers himself underestimated. The individual believes that the whole world should revolve around him; he does not ask, but orders.
What is it for?
The development of adequate self-esteem is required for practical survival in society. Knowing your strengths and weaknesses, you can wisely emphasize some and hide others - this works to create a positive image, helps in your career, establishing the right connections and overall advancement.
Inner peace from understanding your place in life (be it a president, or a failed student) gives inner stability. This is an adequate point from which you can start, but if the presented image and the real one diverge, then there is less calm, those around you react as if to a soap bubble and bypass you. Fewer anxieties and internal tension make a person healthier somatically, gain secure relationships with others built on honesty, a safe living environment, and reliable functioning of the body without nervous breakdowns. Also, adequate self-esteem allows a person to more easily accept both the world around him and all his manifestations, hence there is less tendency to various types of addictions and eating disorders.
The reality of your goals and the ability to calculate your capabilities allows you to achieve much more. The widespread desire to improve self-esteem, raise it and feel confident and happy only leads to illusion. Thinking that he can easily cope with everything, a person does not calculate the time, his limited strength and ends up failing. Someone who has an adequate assessment will not go into confrontation with a stronger person, but will offer cooperation, ask for advice from a professional, and will not resolve all issues on their own. Perhaps, even admitting your true stupidity, you can achieve more by simply delegating all the necessary tasks than with average intelligence trying to do everything alone.
This is the main survival mechanism found even in animals. Competent scanning of the surrounding space, correlating this with your skills and dimensions allows you to survive. A medium-sized predator, seeing small prey, decides to attack and remains well-fed, which prolongs its life. But when confronted with a large enemy, he flees and also remains alive. If you do not correctly assess yourself, your strengths and the world around you, and act equally in both of these situations, then the result will be disastrous. Therefore, some mechanisms for tracking the world are fixed evolutionarily, the rest are more highly developed, usually relating to the social level, which a person must develop himself.
Self-esteem concerns not only one’s own position and skills, but also resources and the ability to distribute them. Realizing that you have a lot of money, but you are extremely tired, it makes sense to order a taxi; those who are cheerful but poor should choose to walk. All this is not only a method of saving and proper allocation of resources, but also of building successful further activities and development. A person can finally predict what his actions will lead to. Only with an immature personal structure and inadequate self-esteem can any person’s actions lead to different, and most importantly surprising, results.
Self-Esteem Functions
The description and content of the functions of personality self-esteem, as a basic concept in psychology, are given in the table.
| Functions | Description |
| Stimulating | Motivates a person to take actions that can increase self-esteem. |
| Post forecast | Blocks actions that may affect self-esteem. |
| Regulatory | Ensures that the individual accepts tasks and makes decisions. |
| Emotional | Allows a person to satisfy needs and enjoy life. |
| Protective | Forms personality stability. |
| Controlling | Provides self-control during a person’s performance of tasks and actions. |
| Developmental | Motivates for self-development and improvement. |
What influences the formation of self-esteem
Self-esteem is developed in a person from early childhood.
- It matters how parents show their love for their child . If love is unconditional and does not depend on good behavior, such a child will grow up with normal or high self-esteem. When he understands that he will be loved only for something (put away toys, got an excellent mark, took out the trash), then in adulthood the person will believe that he cannot be loved just like that, and a good attitude must be earned.
- The attitude of parents towards the successes and failures of the child plays a big role . Parents’ value judgments such as “You can handle this”, “Such a smart kid will definitely do it” have a positive role in the formation of self-esteem.
Accordingly, statements in the spirit of: “They don’t ask you”, “You understand a lot”, “Well, as always, you are armless” for many years lay in a person the attitude that he is “bad”, good for nothing, stupid, incompetent, etc.
Self-esteem can decline already in adulthood. For example, a person tries to build a career, works a lot, improves his qualifications, but career growth does not occur. The individual begins to doubt his abilities. If self-esteem was initially normal, the reason for the failure will be found. Low self-esteem can drop even lower.
Women are often deliberately devalued by men with whom they are in intimate relationships. A complex partner deliberately humiliates his wife or girlfriend in order to be able to impose his will on her. The woman begins to be perplexed and analyze what is wrong with her. If her parents instill self-respect and love, then the girl will break up with a toxic partner; if not, she will suffer and prove her need to an unsuitable man.
Stages of development
A child's self-esteem is formed in four stages, starting from his birth.
Stage I
From birth to 1.5 years. Trust in the world around you and a positive attitude towards yourself are formed. In the first year of life, a sense of attachment is formed.
Stage II
From 1.5 to 4 years. The main thing is to realize one’s dependence or autonomy. The child carefully monitors how his parents react to his manifestations of independence.
Increased self-esteem is promoted by the approval of curiosity and the desire to do a lot without outside help.
Stage III
From 4 to 6 years. At this age, everything depends on the child’s first ideas about how he will grow up. The basic feeling of initiative or guilt is formed depending on how the socialization process goes.
Stage IV
From 6 to 14 years. The desire for self-expression and work develops.
