What to do if life is at a dead end and everything is going wrong?

Surely everyone is familiar with the feeling of hopelessness. It’s as if you’re stuck in reality, in a relationship, in a difficult life situation, in debt, in feelings.

This is a stupor that interferes with any development. If a person is confused in life, he stops enjoying what he has. Neither work, nor family, nor hobbies inspire. The desire and desire to move to new heights disappears. All because there seems to be a dead end in life ahead, and there is no meaning or joy in anything.

When life has reached a dead end, it is important to find a way out of it as quickly as possible. Otherwise, you risk being depressed. And the solution always lies on the surface. It’s just that the available options do not always satisfy us and motivate us enough to immediately begin to implement them. Sometimes we need to step over our “I”, somewhere we need to lower the bar, and sometimes admit that we are wrong. And getting out of the deadlock seems like an impossible task. But everything will not be so scary if you look at the situation from the outside. Imagine that this is not your problem and look at it as an outsider. Talk to yourself as if your friend is asking you for help. Without emotions and worries, it is always easier to find a rational solution.

If you have the feeling that the steering wheel has been torn out of your hands or that you are locked in, and there is no way out of such a situation, self-torment begins. You either withdraw into yourself and your problems, or think about how to get out of the dead end. Perhaps you got yourself there. What's the best option here? The answer is obvious - find a way out of the deadlock as quickly as possible.

Where to start looking for a way out of life's impasse?

Take a time out

When you don't know what to do now, don't do anything. Let go of thoughts and problems. Stop delving into your memory, looking for the reasons for all your failures and tormenting your brain. Just give yourself a rest. Sometimes a minute's pause is enough for the decision to come by itself.

Get rid of anxiety

Never panic! Vanity clouds our consciousness and wastes our energy. Save your energy for constructive thinking. Think about the situation soberly and from the perspective of an outside spectator. If the problem is solvable, then the right path will eventually be found, and there is no need to worry. If the situation is insoluble, then there is no point in wasting energy on soul-searching. Direct it to parallel life tasks.

Source of inspiration

Start letting as many bright thoughts and promising ideas into your life as possible. Motivational videos, biographies and recommendations of successful people, quotes from philosophers, life films. Use everything that gives you inspiration, aims you to fight, makes you look for non-standard solutions. The exit from the dead end is nearby. Sometimes you just need to look around to find it.

Is it worth putting all your efforts into solving the problem?

Desperate attempts to resolve the situation, and to do it as quickly as possible, are usually the first reaction to serious difficulties. In reality, this approach is not always productive.

Probably, the reader can remember a moment from the past when he had to defend his honor near the blackboard, frantically solving a mathematical problem or telling a rule. The life difficulties of adults sometimes require even greater ingenuity. In particular, intelligence is needed by those who regard their situation as a dead end. Like a difficult school task, these circumstances cause anger, a feeling of powerlessness, and irritation. Meanwhile, without a creative approach it is very, very difficult to get out of a dead end.

What to do next with a dead end in life?

So, let's consider the main steps towards solving the problem:

Step one - believe that you are capable of taking the first step.

Only faith in your own strength will help you overcome your fears. There will definitely be a way out of the impasse. You can sit and wait for everything to change on its own, but only if you are absolutely sure that you are still ready for change.

Step two is readiness for change.

The pioneer slogan is “Be prepared. Always ready” is still relevant today. You have reached a dead end in life; you don’t know what to do. Finally, it seems to you that you have made the right decision - to change jobs, break off a burdensome relationship or close an unpromising business. And you do it. But for some reason you don’t get joy from what’s happening. The reason for this is your unpreparedness for such drastic and, as it seems to you, rational changes. The new job will also not be fun, you suddenly realize that the relationship was not so bad, and the business should not have been closed, but set on a different course.

Ask yourself how to get out of the deadlock as painlessly as possible? Maybe before you change jobs you need to learn new skills, accumulate capital, find a nanny for your child. Prepare the platform. Then radically change the situation. After all, if you want to jump with a parachute, you first need to acquire one. Then you will be ready for freedom at an altitude of 9000 meters above the ground.

Step three - swinging.

A dead end in life plunges us into a stagnant state. To “pump yourself up” you need to remember what it’s like to be energetic, passionate, sublime and purposeful. Remember yourself in this state, try to experience these emotions. This will help you get back to life. If all your life you have dreamed of repeating the experience of a week-long hike in the mountains, or going in for luge, or living in China, studying the culture and customs, decide to do this precisely when you are at a dead end in life.

Step four (and most important) is the challenge.

Challenge yourself. This will allow you to step out of your comfort zone and appreciate what is happening in a new way. Such a shake-up stimulates brain activity, increases self-esteem, and gives a boost of energy for subsequent steps. No, you don't have to become a world champion swimmer if you dare to finally learn to swim. But this skill can affect completely different areas of your life. The most important decisions come to us in unexpected moments, and not at all when we torment ourselves day after day searching for them.

May 15, 2018

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Olga Gubanova is a passionate researcher of life, an empiricist-skeptic, a developer of conscious mindfulness practices, a coach, and a business trainer.

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Has it ever happened to you that the result you want to achieve motivates you, all the steps are planned, but something inside stops you from taking action, and it’s completely unclear what?

For example, you have a clear plan on how to make money. You have the strength, and you really need money, but you just can’t bring yourself to start...

Or this: something fascinated you, and then suddenly began to depress you. For example, an excellent salesman suddenly fell out of love with selling, an inspired teacher became annoyed with teaching lessons, and a good student became irritated with studying...

If you want to know why this happens, and most importantly, what to do about it, this article is for you.

My personal experience

I grew up in the provinces in a poor family. I went through many life crises, including bankruptcy, health problems, moving to study in another country without a grant, with two hundred euros in my pocket, and a complete change of activity.

I know that not everyone has the opportunity to pay for the help of a coach (or even a psychotherapist). Therefore, I want to share with you my favorite “lifesaver”, which I use in situations of stupor and self-sabotage, and even when I simply stop understanding myself.

This is not just personal experience. I have been actively researching the technique that I want to offer you for several years with the involvement of more than two hundred participants - I am responsible for the quality :)!

Why do we get confused?

Often the reason for what happens to us lies in hidden associations and internal emotional charge.

My spontaneous research, which began as an experiment and an internal game, led to my acquaintance with modern neurobiology and cognitive linguistics.

Here's what scientific works say about the structure of our thinking:

Our brain is designed in such a way that when we need to remember something, it is encoded by a set of visual images, information from the sensory organs and associated emotions and sensations in the body - that is, what is already in our long-term memory. All these “pieces of memory” are also, in turn, encoded by a similar set, which is why the activation of one of the memories activates entire circuits. This is how associations and chains of associations work.
Add to this the knowledge that we remember best what is emotionally charged. Whether the coloring is positive or negative is not so important for the brain, the main thing is the presence of the emotion itself. This mechanism has been developed by evolution over millions of years: if something frightens or pleases, it means it is important and you need to react, but you don’t have to worry about something neutral and don’t waste resources on it.

In order to identify the causes of internal stupor and be able to overcome it on your own, I propose to identify deep associations to the desired concept or situation and see what emotional charge they carry.

Exercise “16 associations”

This is an exercise that helps you do this quickly, softly and cunningly. After all, our brain loves to build psychological defenses to protect us from truly unpleasant and mentally painful things. This is an exercise based on Jung's free association method. Plus, I supplemented it with chips and keys that I found during my research.

In a narrow sense, this exercise is aimed at finding a deep association with one word, concept or image that is important to you. More broadly (I like to do this) - this is a way to rewrite the “mental code”, to reprogram your own thinking.

With “16 associations” you can:

build a map of your associative connections;
catch destructive associations like computer viruses;
see the root of the problem;
increase awareness;
get insight.

You will need a piece of paper, a pen and about half an hour of free time in silence. Place the sheet horizontally and put the numbers from one to sixteen in a column on the left. This will help you focus and not get confused while doing the exercise.

First stage

Create a request - describe in a word or phrase a problem or task that worries you, and the solution of which will improve the quality of your life in the near future. Formulate it in one word or short phrase.

For example, you just can’t sit down to write a thesis - then take the word “diploma”. Is your current job starting to feel negative? Take the word "work".

To deepen the result, straighten your back, take a couple of deep breaths and exhale, and bring your attention inward to your lower abdomen. Believe me, it works.

First question for self-coaching:

What worries me most now?

Write down the word at the top of the sheet that you used to describe your problem/task.

Second phase

Inhale and exhale and look at the written word.

Think of this concept as both something that is relevant to you personally and as an abstract concept. Now write down 16 associations for this word that come to your mind. Let yourself go, write down all the words. Don’t throw away a word, even if it seems inappropriate to you - since it came to your mind, it means it’s your association.

Third stage

Now connect the words in pairs, as in the photograph: the first with the second, the third with the fourth, and so on.

Now the real work begins. There are two rules in it, and the first is honesty. The more honest and sincere you are with yourself, the more powerful the effect you will get as a result.

Second rule: words should not be repeated. If a word appears two or more times during the exercise, write it down separately at the bottom of the page. Then I'll tell you what to do with it.

When the words are combined, start working with each pair separately, without reference to the main word (the one that represents your request).

For each pair of words, find a common association - a word that unites the two for you personally. Remember about inner honesty? Look for that common association that will be exactly yours. Listen to yourself and your body.

Does the word you found resonate with you? Is this exactly it or can it be formulated more precisely? Use nouns, verbs and adverbs.

How to help yourself if there is no unifying association?

Visualize: imagine each word from a pair as an image, mentally step back and look at them from the side. What do they have in common? Maybe they are (or aren't) part of something bigger? Maybe each of these images has a common piece, a common part? What image is this? How to call it in one word?

Listen to the sensations in your body: straighten your back, relax your shoulders, turn your attention to your lower abdomen and legs. If you are a poor visualizer, you can look for a unifying association through sensations. Feel what sensations in your body does the first word of the pair cause? And now - what sensations does the second word evoke? What do these sensations have in common? What are they associated with? Describe it in one word.

Honesty check: when you have found a unifying association for a couple of words, listen to yourself and your feelings in your body: is this the same word? Or is there something more precise just for you?

Fourth stage

You have eight words. Combine them again with brackets in pairs and repeat the same as in the third step. Remember that words should not be repeated. If a word is repeated, write it down below and look for another association. Look for your exact words.

When you get four words, repeat the same thing. Pay attention to the sensations and emotions that arise in your body. Record them as an outside observer and continue working.

Now combine the resulting two words into one. This last word is your deepest association.

All photos show my actual request. I gave my personal example.

Some time ago, I caught myself that the mailing list coming to me with announcements about interesting master classes and webinars began to spoil my mood. And I couldn’t bring myself to call the university to find out more about the new programs...

I made my favorite “16 associations” and got the deepest association - depression!

Oops, what an unexpected result! Yes, it made sense—study was starting to make me depressed. This is exactly how I felt.

Okay, so what should we do about it? Let's get a look.

How to work with the results

First and foremost: separate the “flies” and “cutlets”. Remember that all these words are just associations. Depression actually has nothing to do with studying.

Second: look at the final word and ask yourself the question: am I comfortable with such a deep association or not? If I associate studying with depression, how does this affect me and my actions?

The final word can also be positive - and then it can become a resource: that association and that image that gives you strength and desire to act.

By looking at the results of the exercise, you can become aware of what influences your perception and subconscious attitude towards the situation. This alone usually has a transformational effect.

Third: Identify the negative and positive associations in each column. Let me remind you: there are five of them. The last one is one word. What does each of the columns mean?

The first (16 words) are stereotypes and beliefs formed in the process of upbringing or under the influence of the environment.
The second (8 words) is the mental level: subconscious thoughts.
The third (4 words) is the level of emotions. Pay special attention to the emotional connotation of each of these four words.
The fourth level (2 words) and the final word make up what I call the “decision triangle.”
The final word is a deep association, and the pair of words from which it emerged may be strategies for solving a query or key issues that need to be resolved, or carry information about a choice that needs to be made.

See which column has more negative associations? What caused them? Where do negative associations come from?

Where is there more positivity? How can these positive associations help you resolve your request? Yes, yes, coaching questions have already started :).

Fourth: rewrite the “destructive code”

The more new associations we attach to the word meaning request, the more the associative chain launched by this word will change. The brighter the positive images are, the more pleasant they are for us (including physically - goosebumps, tingling, a feeling of freedom in the shoulders, etc.), the stronger the “overwriting” effect will be.

You can simply cross out negative words and replace them with positive ones.

The effect will be stronger if we find “turning points” on our map (the first negative words in a horizontal chain), replace them with positive ones and derive new unifying associations up to replacing the final word.

The effect will be even more powerful if, before looking for new unifying associations, you enter a resource state (for example, through meditation).

I like this method, and in the case of “studying” I used it. Having “recharged” myself with meditation, I found a new unifying association to replace the negative one and re-created the entire chain from it to the final word.

And the very next day I participated in the webinar with pleasure.

Fifth: Look at the positive associations and ask yourself if they are limiting you?

What do I mean: for example, you worked with the request “money” and received the word “achievements” in the final and the feeling that yes, receiving money for you is recognition of achievements, and achievements bring income...

How else can you get money? Are you missing out on cash gifts, finds, winnings and other ways? For example, at my master class, I invited participants to write themselves a written permission to earn income in different ways, and before that we got creative on the topic of what these different ways could be.

This method helps to expand consciousness and remove boundaries.

Sixth: capture positive associations. For example, using a bright collage or drawing. By the way, creating a collage on the theme of the positive associations found is guaranteed to add insights to the topic of your request.

Take action!

Advice: save the written sheet, putting a date on it, and do “16 associations” again with the same query word three months later. This way you can track what has changed.

Chief, what should you do if during the exercise the word appears twice or more often?

For example, you worked with the word “money” and the word “power” was repeated.

My experience and my research show that when a word is repeated, this means that the chain of associations it sets off influences the perception of the main word (query). In the above example, the internal perception of power influences the attitude towards money.

Do the exercise again, but with this (repeated) word as a query, and look at the results.

And finally

Modern scientists argue that when we remember an event, we activate the same neurons that were involved in remembering it. The more often we remember something, the stronger the neural connections and associative chains.

It follows that by changing one of the links in the chain, we change the entire chain. And when we do this consciously, we literally reprogram our own thinking and train our brains!

All participants in my study who began to independently and regularly use the “16 Associations” technique noted significant changes for the better in each of the areas being worked on.

When I ask my coaching clients, “What exercise or technique gave you the first powerful push to move forward?” they all named “16 Associations.”

Of course, performing this technique together with a coach is more effective. If only because he will notice your reactions with an independent eye and, drawing your attention to them, ask useful questions, help you enter a resourceful state for “rewriting.”

However, not everyone has the opportunity to go to a coach - as I already said. That's why I'm sharing with you my favorite hexes. In conventional self-coaching, when we ask questions of ourselves, it can be difficult to bypass internal psychological defenses.

With the help of “16 Associations” this can be done in a way that is gentle and environmentally friendly for the psyche, even if the topic is painful. In addition, they focus on a specific request, a specific topic.

For me personally, “16 Associations” has become a reliable tool for self-development and self-exploration. Change your thinking, get insights and take action!

Self-development #Writing practices #Psychology #Self-research

What kind of challenge are we talking about?

Sign up for dancing, even if you consider yourself “wooden”;
Run a marathon;
Give up your phone and internet for a week;
Go on vacation to the mountains, not to the sea;
Raft down a mountain river;
Set a goal for 21 days to get up at 6 am and go for a run;
Learn 5 poems;
Learn to play a musical instrument;
Pass a movie audition;
Write a book;
Go to the puppet theater;
Sign up to volunteer;
Meet three new people in one day, etc.

Think less, analyze less, just challenge yourself and take the risk of doing something you've always wanted.

Life's dead end is our visual representation. In fact, life is beautiful and full of new opportunities. Relax, tune yourself into a positive mood and get on with your life. All situations are given to us for rethinking, hardening and moving to a new level of self-development. Be prepared for the changes that await you after this life dead end. Challenging yourself won’t necessarily change your life overnight (although it’s possible), but it will help you get off the ground, feel empowered, and find a way out of life’s most difficult situations.

Attempts to survive - do they always lead to success?

A similar principle is embedded in one of the special army exercises. It is performed by recruits of the elite American Navy SEAL unit. Beginners' limbs are tied and thrown into a pool or pond, which is 3 meters deep. The goal of a soldier is to survive.

More often than not, the poor souls fail. They panic and scream, making the situation even worse. Others try to swim, but by doing so they sink themselves to the bottom. Throughout the existence of this unit, there have been deaths.

But there were also employees who successfully completed the task. In this they were helped by the knowledge of two simple, but at the same time contradictory principles.

The first one is this. The more a tied person tries to stay on the surface of the water, the higher the risk of drowning. After all, it is impossible to be on the surface, much less swim, with your hands and ankles tied. And erratic movements only drag you to the bottom faster. The point of the task is to relax and sink to the bottom of the reservoir. Then you need to push off from the bottom with all your strength. Once on the surface, you need to quickly inhale. Then the process is repeated until the soldier ends up on the shore.

Surprisingly, performing this exercise does not require any supernatural strength or special endurance from the employee. Moreover, he does not need to be able to swim to complete the task.

The second rule is a little more obvious: the more a person twitches and panics, the more his activity requires oxygen. And, therefore, the greater his risk of losing consciousness and drowning.

This is not a test of physical fitness or willpower. Its goal is to develop self-control in a difficult situation. Will a person succumb to the instincts inherent in him, which in this case will play a cruel joke on him? Will he be able to remain truly calm in the face of mortal danger? Mastering your instincts is a good skill. It is useful not only in the navy, but also in any difficult situation.

What is a career dead end and what are the reasons for its occurrence?

Sometimes professional burnout is mistaken for a career dead end. But phenomena arise for different reasons. Burnout occurs due to physical and emotional powerlessness, while people reach a dead end with the desire to change their lives, but do not see opportunities for this (or there are no opportunities). Burnout can occur due to career impasse, but career impasse due to burnout does not.

Reasons for entering a career dead end:

The person himself or under pressure from relatives chose the wrong profession and became disillusioned with it. Doctors, lawyers, teachers, restaurateurs and specialists who are “obliged” to follow in the footsteps of their parents suffer from this (according to these same parents, of course).
A specialist does not voluntarily develop in his profession: he is satisfied with his salary and the level of his knowledge. Over time, it loses relevance in the labor market, as young specialists are more agile and flexible.
A specialist has outgrown hiring, but becoming self-employed is scary. He is looking for a job, but HR managers reject his candidacy because they see him as a request for autonomy.
The person does not see the point in work. What’s the use of trying to sell the conventional provider “Vaifai.ru” if all the city’s subscribers are already using it?
The company cannot offer career development: interesting positions are already filled, they hire people from outside or the personnel reserve.
The industry no longer needs people of certain professions; no amount of skill development will help you stay in it. So in Elizabethan England, at the palace of the lords there were alms distributors, torch extinguishers, and wardrobe keepers. Where are they now?
A person has reached the ceiling of a profession or function.

A career dead end is a mental syndrome; it always develops as a result of natural events.

Stage 3: Blessing

This stage is one of the most exciting emotionally. Your life suddenly changes beyond recognition. Everything around is suddenly filled with colors never seen before, even the smells intensify. You feel a kind of ecstasy: bliss, euphoria, an indescribable feeling of freedom.

But, despite all of the above, the pain has not yet gone away. Although, of course, it is not so intense.

The emotions of the past still live somewhere inside, reminding themselves from time to time. You analyze the path you have taken, trying to understand how you chose this life. As soon as questions arise, the first answers are found.

Stage 5: Darkness

Everything around you is crumbling, and at a certain moment you find yourself in pitch darkness. A little uncomfortable, but this is a very necessary stage of awakening.

You have to spend some time in the dark to understand much more deeply what light means. What appears before your eyes is terrifying and frightening: complete devastation and poverty, greed and greed, barbarically destroyed nature... You look and wonder: how could this happen to our world?

Despair and depression set in: how can you be part of all this? These people who led our world to such a sad ending?

You want to abstract yourself, hide. I am overwhelmed by the desire to be alone, alone with nature, away from it all. You feel completely lost because no one understands what you're going through.

There’s not even anything to cling to other than looking for the answer to the question: “Who am I?”

Stage 2: Fatigue and impatience

It's obvious that you are unhappy.
This is what you know for sure. Hence the enormous fatigue and disappointment. All this at some point leads to the fact that the “bomb” that has been dormant in you for many years suddenly turns out to be without a check. This means that all the desires driven inside come to the surface. You suddenly understand clearly and clearly that you are responsible for your own life. That is, no one is to blame for anything. You ended up where you ended up entirely through your own fault.

You realize that happiness and well-being do not depend on other people or current circumstances. From this moment on, all your efforts are aimed at regaining strength and energy, activating your chakras and soul.

The process of awakening actually begins right now, when you first open your eyes wide and realize what is happening.

Personal experience of professional burnout

I hated my colleagues, clients and especially my boss. I felt hostility when I saw her and didn’t want to do anything. She preferred to lock herself in her office and spent hours filling out reports, which she usually spent 20–30 minutes on.

One day my boss yelled at me. She needed to throw out her anger - I was nearby. That same day I went on sick leave, and in the morning I arrived and put the application on the table. The boss asked me to stay for a conversation: she explained that my condition was natural, I was tired and needed to rest. If, after returning from sick leave, I decide to leave, she will sign a statement. If not, we'll tear it down together.

A week later I went to work, the application was destroyed. I rested, put my thoughts in order and realized that the people around me are good. It's just that expectations didn't match reality. During the rest I saw and accepted the current picture of the world. The thoughts with which I opened the article did not occur to me for six months.

“Work less and get more done: 4 effective techniques”

Stage 4: Pull and Push

All the most fundamental things begin with this motto. You have a dilemma: close your eyes or open them. Fear slowly permeates from head to toe. This happens because you were not prepared for everything that should guide you along the path of awakening.

Deciding to jump into the unknown is not easy, especially when everything around you is crumbling and falling apart. At such moments, everything takes on a special meaning for you: your life, your beliefs.

You are puzzled and stunned.

It finally dawns on you that you are standing on the edge of a cliff, and the ground is about to disappear from under your feet. This is the point of no return: if you decide to “jump,” your life will change once and for all. You certainly won’t live as before, half asleep and half asleep.

What is professional burnout?

Scientists became interested in the phenomenon of professional burnout in the 19th century. At that time, the term had not yet appeared: there was knowledge of the symptoms in some production workers. They got tired, argued with each other, behaved without initiative, and made mistakes in their activities. The problem became widespread, so engineers (I. Richter), doctors (S. M. Bogoslovsky, F. F. Erisman), and psychologists (V. M. Bekhtereva, G. Bradley) took up the task of solving it. Everyone made a certain contribution to the understanding of the phenomenon, but the final explanation of “professional burnout” was given by psychologist Herbert Freudenberger in 1974. In his opinion, it is exhaustion from excessive expenditure of energy, effort and resources.

American social psychologists Christina Maslach and Susan Jackson narrowed the comprehensive term. They determined that professional burnout includes only three aspects:

emotional exhaustion – emptiness, powerlessness, cynicism, loss of hope and empathy, guilt, anxiety, feeling of helplessness, etc.;
depersonalization and dehumanization - Groundhog Day, in which a person observes himself from the outside, rejection of general norms of behavior in favor of the manifestation of personal qualities (aggression, sarcasm, cynicism, rudeness, hatred);
reduction of personal achievements – loss of meaning in life, impostor syndrome, reluctance to invest in work.

In Russia, Maslach and Jackson consider the three-factor model of experiences to be the most accurate. HR managers use the MBI questionnaire they developed to quantitatively study burnout. However, it does not take into account the physiological and intellectual characteristics of a person. Although in fact, an employee in this state feels tired, drowsy, headaches, and loses interest in sex life. Attention and speed of decision-making decreases.

In other words, professional burnout is a call from the subconscious to the conscious to pay attention to true desires. The subconscious mind uses the body as an indicator and causes it to experience the set of somatic and emotional reactions described by Maslach and Jackson.

How to overcome professional burnout

I wanted to write dozens of tips, but alas. Overcoming burnout will have to follow a well-worn scenario:

Make sure it's a burnout. Take 3-4 days off and analyze how you feel away from work. If you still feel drawn to an activity, but you don't want or can't return to it, it's burnout.
Take care of your body and mind. If you want to sleep - sleep, eat - eat, climb Everest - climb. Do not deny yourself the fulfillment of your current desires, especially if you have money and resources for them.
Talk to your household. Finally, explain why you are behaving like a beast. They will understand and, perhaps, distract you from philosophical thoughts.
Talk to colleagues who have experienced professional burnout - how did they cope? The feeling that you are not alone will calm you down.
After returning to work, practice psychological or physical distance from those who caused irritation. When a client screams into the phone, imagine that his anger is directed at the company - an abstract unit consisting of a mass of people, buildings, equipment. During a live conversation, move further away from such a person, make eye contact less often.
Don't blur the boundaries between work and home: learn to switch. This is possible, but you will need the supervision of your family.

If you find it difficult to communicate with yourself and understand yourself, consult a psychologist. By the way, they also burn out, even worse than others. A comment on this topic was given by Nadezhda Sova, a psychologist from Yoshkar-Ola.

First of all, I am a person with my own experience and characteristics of the nervous system, and only then – a psychologist. In my concept of the world, work and life are inseparable. In the past, I came home and realized: life was passing, and I was enduring a job I hated. It was important for me to find a calling or purpose, as I believe that a person is born with a mission. If he goes against himself, life turns into suffering.

In May 2019, I quit. Freed. My husband supported me. I devoted four months to myself and psychotherapy. And a miracle happened: I realized that I wanted to take care of children. Now I am a child psychologist, this is my identification. I opened a private practice, and at the same time I was invited to two places of work.

It turns out that when you do what you love, you get tired less, you have more ideas and a desire to develop, and you feel endless happiness. And the money comes.

What to do when you get out

Above, in the “How did you get here” section, I provided a list of reasons why an internal accident may occur. Go back to it, read it carefully and try to identify the points that led you to a dead end. Situations related to them will probably come to mind.

When you determine what caused the accident, you need to come up with a plan: what will you do to prevent it from happening again.

Reason processing example

If the cause of the accident is tight work deadlines,
schedule a conversation with your superiors about reducing the workload or hiring an assistant.

Find another job in which you can work more quietly, but earn no less.

Learn to say “no”, take care of yourself, plan a vacation.

If the cause of the accident is the devaluation of our work

Change job. If this seems like a bad idea, you can create a public portfolio of your work to show off your work to anyone who is interested. In this case, a new job will find you on its own. Someone will see your portfolio and want to invite you to join the company. But this is a long process.

It may be that your skill level really needs improvement and improvement. Plan to discuss the results of your work with more experienced colleagues who will provide adequate feedback. You can find out what skills you need to improve to do your job better. Listening to criticism can be painful, but it is almost always useful.

The main thing is to do everything to protect yourself from further accidents for the same reasons.

You should have an action plan for building up a conditional protective layer.

The plan must consist of sequential tasks.

Tasks should be scheduled on a calendar, just like any daily work tasks.

Gradually you must complete this plan to become stronger.