People are social creatures and the fear of being completely alone is inherent in absolutely everyone, it’s just that everyone has their own time period during which they can comfortably exist alone. We are all dependent on society to one degree or another.
Fear of loneliness can be increased due to external factors, such as:
- loss of a loved one;
- disease;
- financial difficulties;
- periods of change: moving, changing jobs, graduating from an educational institution.
Attention But sometimes the usual fear inherent in every person grows and turns into a phobia. It becomes so strong that it interferes with life, and, gradually, subjugating all spheres of a person’s existence, devours his very life.
Autophobia
– this is the name of an uncontrollable phobia of loneliness. This is a mental personality disorder. In some psychology textbooks you can find a mention that this type of disorder affects a person’s socialization and can pose a threat to his health and life.
Many psychologists believe that perhaps this fear is one of the most common causes of teenage suicide.
There are several types of anxiety-phobic disorders, in which the central experience is the fear of being alone:
- Isolophobia
- fear of a completely lonely life, loss of all social contacts.
- Monophobia
- fear of being alone with oneself.
- Agoraphobia
— people suffering from this type of phobia are also afraid of loneliness.
How do you understand that an ordinary fear has developed into a phobia?
- One of the main symptoms is that a person experiences severe anxiety if he has to spend several days (in advanced cases, even one evening) without communication.
- An autophobe always tries in every possible way to avoid such situations, and literally fills his time with everyone, just so as not to be left alone.
- A person can become intrusive: asking for a visit, pestering loved ones with calls, not leaving for a long time.
- The autophobe becomes extremely suspicious, expects and suspects that family and friends will sooner or later turn away from him. He constantly looks for and finds confirmation of this: “He spoke to me coldly; She looked askance; I didn’t want to meet - I was definitely offended.”
- People experiencing obsessive fear may be promiscuous in love and sexual relationships; they develop dependence on people and relationships. They are ready to date literally the first person they meet, are unable to leave their partner, even if he is dishonest or cruel, they endure and accept any insults and humiliation, just so as not to be left alone. After a breakup, they immediately look for a new partner.
- In advanced cases, the autophobe begins to experience vegetative symptoms, panic attacks, suffocation, and nervous tremors when left alone.
Attention Autophobia can manifest itself in various addictions: alcoholism, drug addiction, workaholism, addiction to computer games, telephones, and other people.
Why are people afraid of loneliness?
There are objective reasons for the fear of loneliness.
- Biological
Man is not a predator, and in those days when our ancestors lived in caves and fought for survival literally every minute of their lives, if left alone, a person would not survive the next night. There are too many dangers around, and man is too weak on his own.
Therefore, the feeling of a pack, the desire to be in a group, is our natural state.
- Social
For a long time, the economic system was structured in such a way that the efforts of the entire community were needed to obtain even a minimal additional product. Yes, someone could run a farm alone, settling on the edge of the village, but the very first bad harvest, and especially a series of them, put a person on the brink of starvation. We could not do without help, support, and therefore approval from the community.
Often expulsion from the village was tantamount to the death penalty.
Yes, now all this is irrelevant, especially for a resident of a metropolis, but thousands of years of evolution are not erased by a hundred prosperous (relatively) years, and our desire to be in a group and to be accepted by it will not soon cease to be significant and strong.
But normal fear does not necessarily have to become insurmountable; moreover, there are introverts who are initially largely free from such fear.
For the formation of a phobia, only prerequisites are not enough; personal psychological trauma is needed. The following events can lead to autophobia:
- Lack of physical and/or psychological contact with mother in infancy.
- Lack of care in childhood. This is especially true for children who avoid their parents.
- Inappropriate punishment by loneliness. The child was locked in a dark room, put outside the apartment door, and left alone on the street. They threatened to send the policeman, Baba Yaga, to an orphanage.
- Overprotective parenting. Such a person grows up unsure of himself and his strengths; he literally cannot take a step without his mother.
- A child once got lost and was left alone. The younger he was, the more traumatic this event would be for him. For a 2-3 year old child, 5 minutes may be enough; they will seem like hours of loneliness to him.
- The death of one of the parents, a close relative, or separation from them can also become a traumatic event.
Important It is almost impossible to identify an injury, especially if it occurred at a very early age. In order to find the source of pain, you need to contact a psychologist and work with the injury individually.
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Reasons for violation
Fear of dogs - what is the name of the phobia?
The fear of being alone often occurs in childhood. Some parents punish their child and lock him in a dark room or leave him in the middle of the street, supermarket. For the child, the situation is very traumatic; he is afraid to be left without adults again.
You can’t scare your baby by saying that he will be given to another person or sent to live in the forest.
During adolescence, children become sensitive and vulnerable. In the absence of proper support, they quickly withdraw into themselves and are afraid to be alone. There may be a desire to be in any company, even the worst.
In adulthood, autophobia appears after serious shocks or strong social pressure. Women are very susceptible to this, as they are indoctrinated with the idea of needing a partner nearby.
With difficulties making friends, depression, and complexes, it is difficult for a person to build healthy relationships. The only friend may seem like a savior, and the person with autophobia will obsessively pursue him.
The fear of being alone is becoming common in large cities. People live at a high pace of life and have no time to communicate with each other.
Due to social inequality, society is increasingly stratified
The idea of collectivism is artificially instilled, that everyone should become part of something larger. In such conditions, people begin to think that loneliness is something abnormal.
Fear of loneliness in women: how to fight?
Women are much more likely than men to suffer from autophobia. Despite emancipation and all the gains of feminism, in society, especially in a paternalistic one, the conviction still reigns that the main mission of a woman is to get married, take part in a family and give birth to children, the more the better.
Therefore, no matter how successful a woman is in her career or creativity, society still considers her main achievement to be a strong marriage and a couple of children. Everything else is a pleasant, although not particularly important, addition.
A woman, no matter how independent she may be, because of such attitudes, has a feeling of inferiority, failure, inferiority, if by a certain age she has not acquired a husband and children. The more emancipated a woman is, the longer she can internally resist social pressure, but thoughts about lonely old age and 40 cats in moments of reflection, no, no, yes, will creep into her head.
And this can lead to rash and even desperate actions. This is how thousands of unnecessary marriages, unloved husbands and children arise, born not because of the desire to have a child, but because “it’s necessary.” Needless to say, this is a vicious circle, the main conveyor belt that creates new single people.
How can a woman get rid of such fear in the modern world? Fortunately, the paradigm is slowly but surely changing; in decent society they no longer allow themselves to ask questions:
- When will you get married?
- When is the baby coming? The clock is ticking!
- You keep jumping, traveling, all your classmates have already gone for the second one!
This kind of pressure, more unspoken, a kind of silent social contract that a woman should succeed as a mother and wife. Stereotypes are changing, and over time, each of us, both men and women, will be able to honestly choose our own path, behavior, without pressure and psychological pressure, out of love.
Women are gaining more and more rights and can choose their own destiny in both their personal and professional lives.
In 2021, the list of professions prohibited by the Ministry of Labor for women now includes only 100 types of work, instead of more than 450 that were previously. This opens up professional and career prospects, especially for residents of small towns where there is one city-forming enterprise where previously a woman could not work.
What is autophobia?
The name “auto” is translated as “turned inward”; “phobia” is an irrational fear. Therefore, autophobia is a pathological fear of loneliness.
A person develops:
- feelings of anxiety,
- feeling of boredom
- emptiness.
Autophobia does not always occur in the fairer sex; sometimes this disorder is also characteristic of men.
Psychotherapists believe that the main reason is the lack of emotional closeness with a biological parent in childhood.
However, my experience in working to restore parent-child relationships suggests that not everyone who has a cool relationship with their parents develops this type of phobia.
The style of relationships in the family does not depend on the gender of the child, however, it is mostly women who are susceptible to the fear of loneliness.
Treatment of phobia of loneliness
Autophobia is a psychological problem and can be treated with psychotherapy, hypnosis and, in not very advanced cases, on your own. It is extremely rare for a psychotherapist to resort to drug therapy, but if phobias are already at this level, then mild sedatives and antidepressants can be used.
Self-treatment is unacceptable; only a specialist can prescribe, change the dose and discontinue the drug.
How to overcome the fear of loneliness: psychotherapy
A psychotherapist, using special techniques and techniques, helps to understand and work through a traumatic situation, relive childhood traumas from the perspective of an adult and, thus, get rid of past problems. A good specialist will help you change limiting and fear-inducing attitudes, build a new view of reality, and make the anxiety go away.
The result of the work will be a rethinking of the state of loneliness. A person will be able to find advantages in it, stop experiencing anxiety and begin to form an identity without being tied to anyone, forming his integral “I”.
If, with the help of psychotherapy alone, it is not possible to overcome anxiety and panic attacks caused by autophobia, the client may be offered hypnotherapy.
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Hypnotherapy
This method is quite effective, and what is most attractive for the patient is short-term. In just 5-10 sessions, a qualified hypnotherapist can relieve an autophobe from manifestations of fear of loneliness.
How to overcome the fear of loneliness on your own?
You can get rid of such fear on your own if the situation is not very bad. To overcome it, you need to follow simple rules, be patient and work on your attitude towards the problem of loneliness.
Loneliness has its benefits. Find them
In the modern world, a lonely person is perceived as an outcast, strange. People measure themselves by the number of friends and subscribers; a lonely person may seem like a social outcast. But in reality, behind external success, the number of likes and invitations to virtual parties, many hide emptiness.
Reconsider your attitude towards loneliness. This is the time when you can be alone with yourself, listen to yourself, and dive into your inner world. This is a time of growth and work on yourself, a time to collect your thoughts and determine your true desires.
Be your own best friend, talk to yourself.
In order not to get lost in thought and clearly formulate your ideas, keep a diary. Write down in it everything that happened to you that day, later, after re-reading the notes, you will be able to draw conclusions, realize what events the phobia is associated with, what causes it, and get to know yourself better.
Loneliness is freedom
Experience solitude as freedom. Freedom from conventions, from other people's and past assessments.
- Walk around the house naked.
- Sing and dance.
- Draw pictures.
- Do yoga without feeling embarrassed about your imperfect flexibility.
Do whatever you want without regard to others.
Find internal resources and supports
The fear of being alone goes away when a person stops focusing on his own experiences and pays attention to others and their needs. Sincere empathy gives a feeling of belonging. Do not perceive other people as a background, as a source of satisfaction for your needs and a comforter for your fears.
Become a source of support and help for others. This will give you the opportunity to feel your strength and self-confidence. This means that the feeling of loneliness will leave you. A necessary and strong person cannot be lonely. You will be surprised to discover how many people are around you, and that they are drawn to your strength and your light.
Take control of your anxiety
If your feelings of loneliness are accompanied by increased anxiety, learn relaxation techniques to help you overcome your anxiety.
- Yoga;
- Breathing practices;
- Autogenic training according to Schultz;
- Muscle relaxation;
- Meditation practices;
- Listen to relaxing music and hypnosis recordings.
Learn to direct your mind where you need it to go without getting stuck in negative emotions and past problems. Below this article you can find and download a PDF file with 50 techniques for improving your well-being.
Please note: Being alone and being lonely are two different things. It's all a matter of personal perception.
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How does divorce affect the occurrence of autophobia?
There was no direct relationship between divorce and the emergence of fear of loneliness. But there are many married women who live with abusive husbands only out of fear of being left alone.
In such cases, codependency often forms.
In order not to be left alone with their fear of loneliness, such women completely immerse themselves in the life of their partner. This is expressed in the form of delusions, self-deception, the formation of feelings of guilt and pity.
Women suffering from codependency find any reason to stay in marriage.
Pity for the spouse, the need to control his actions, fear of being left without financial support. Having abandoned codependency, having experienced a state called “after divorce,” such women note an improvement in both psychological and physiological state.
Is there any benefit to the fear of being alone?
No, there is and cannot be any benefit in fear. But in a state of loneliness, there is.
Being alone with yourself is:
- A chance to get to know yourself better, to finally listen to your own desires.
- Freedom to do what you want without regard to others, without compromises or concessions.
- An opportunity to work on yourself.
- A chance to find your own support and strength.
- Get the opportunity to understand what you love and what truly attracts you.
Help from a psychologist
If you are not yet ready to go to psychological consultation, but feel that your own strength is not enough to overcome fear, listen to the advice of professional psychologists, they will definitely help you:
- Accept the attitude that being alone is a variant of the norm. Some are in a couple, some are alone, both are normal. In order to be a full-fledged person, it is not necessary to communicate with others 24/7.
- Learn to manage your thoughts and change them at will, without getting stuck in negativity. Mindfulness practices will help you with this.
- Be sure to lead a healthy lifestyle. In a healthy body healthy mind. Exercise, healthy eating, sleep patterns, enough clean water. Here is the minimum set in order to feel better in a couple of months.
- Get a pet.
- Don't be afraid to go out. Going to a restaurant, theater, or cinema without company is normal.
- Meet and find friends via the Internet. There are no interests for which you cannot find friends online. And if you live in a small town where no one shares your exotic hobby, then, believe me, on the Internet, you will find many groups of people with whom you will have something to talk about.
Important If, despite all your efforts, your worries do not go away, and the fear of loneliness grows and you begin to notice somatic manifestations - panic attacks, tremors, palpitations, etc. — do not put off visiting a psychotherapist. Remember - phobias, without timely treatment, tend to grow.
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