How to deal with perfectionism: 9 proven techniques

Identify “dangerous” situations

The first thing to do is to identify in advance the situations in which perfectionism poses a real threat to us.

Perfectionism is not always dangerous. If, for example, we do something for the soul (painting pictures, doing handicrafts, etc.), then we can “meditate on the details” as much as we like. It is even beneficial because it helps us relax and relieve stress.

But there are situations in which “done is better than perfect,” and too much attention to detail leads to trouble. For example:

• While we are tinkering with the design of the online store, we are not selling anything and incurring losses.
• While we are considering introducing advanced technology, competitors may introduce it.
• While we are choosing the “ideal design” for a report, other things are quickly piling up.
• While we are calculating the “best route” to run, we are not running and getting no benefit.
• While we are adjusting fonts and indents in the article, the deadline is getting closer and closer to us.

It is better to identify such situations in advance. The fight against perfectionism is, as a rule, measures to prevent it. We can build effective defense only when we know about the possible danger.

How to do it?

To get started, make a list of typical situations in which you encounter perfectionism. Remember:

• When did you miss a deadline because of him?
• When did he prevent you from getting results quickly?
• When have you been “stuck on little things” for an inordinately long time?

Then review your list of upcoming tasks. Mark the tasks where you might encounter the same problems again. If you use a task manager, create a separate category or label for such matters. For example:

If desired, make this check mandatory for all new tasks.

Such an analysis in itself is a good way to prevent perfectionism. When we are prepared for a problem to arise, it is much easier for us to keep the situation under control.

Research on perfectionism

The concept was first used by the American psychologist Holender in 1965. Alfred Adler and Karen Horney talked about this same topic. They saw the problem as a desire for power and superiority that arises from inferiority.

Then Western scientists developed the structure of the phenomenon. The parameters were identified. British psychologist Frost spoke about the importance of parental behavior. He noted that the craving for an ideal job is not always pathological.

In Russia, research began in the 80-90s. A detailed model was proposed by Natalya Garanyan and D. Khamchek. They named the criteria for healthy and pathological perfectionism. Kholmogorova’s works are also valuable. Together with Garanyan, they described the impact of perfectionism on depression.

Hewitt-Flett Perfectionism Scale

This is a questionnaire scale developed by Canadian scientists. The authors rely on the theory of three components of perfectionism:

• Self-orientation (when a person places excessive demands on himself).

• Orientation towards others (inflated demands on others).

• Social prescriptions (when a person believes that others want too much from him).

The technique consists of three subscales of 15 points. Each one studies one component. The total score indicates the overall level of perfectionism. There are 45 questions in total. You need to answer on a 7-point scale, where 1 means completely disagree and 7 means completely agree.

Among domestic techniques, the questionnaire of Garanyan and Kholmogorova is interesting. He studies several elements of character, the perception of others, high expectations, inflated claims.

Formulate a minimum acceptable result

The main principle of working with “dangerous” cases (see previous section) sounds like this:

Before you begin a task, formulate a minimum acceptable result for it.

Think: what requirements are enough to fulfill for the work to be considered complete? For example:

This technique helps you separate what needs to be done from what doesn't need to be done. In this way, we seem to outline boundaries that we will protect from “attacks of perfectionism.”

For example, our minimum acceptable outcome is “just start running.” Secondary matters automatically become the choice of a tracksuit, the choice of a route and music in the player. All this can be done after the matter has moved forward.

For those “dangerous” tasks that we perform regularly, it is useful to create separate “don’t do” lists. For example:

These lists should be kept handy as you work.

Reasons for perfectionism

How do people become perfectionists?

People turn into them unconsciously. Upbringing has an effect. Parents do not praise the child, do not approve of him, and often criticize him. He is forced to seek their love. The tendency towards perfection begins even before school or in the elementary grades.

Bad perfectionism is associated with replacing the real world with some kind of ideal. It affects people with an inferiority complex who need compensation.

Don't forget about the goal

Another effective method of combating perfectionism is a clearly defined work goal. It helps to quickly separate the important from the unimportant, and the most important from the unimportant.

We are going to put up a notice that our company is closed for the holidays. Our goal is to inform visitors so that they purchase items in advance and do not come to pick them up on the weekend.

What is important to achieve this goal? So that the visitor sees the ad and understands its essence. All that is required of us is to write a clear text, type it in large letters and hang it in a visible place. It makes absolutely no difference:

• How beautiful a font we typed it in (the simpler the better).
• How elegantly we presented the information (the simpler the better).
• What kind of tape did we use to stick it on?
• How perfectly level we hung it, etc.

If you feel stuck in the details, ask yourself: What is the purpose of my work? This question helps you quickly “see the forest for the trees” and return to the “true path.”

Books

"The Perfectionist Paradox"

A book by Tal Ben-Shahar, an American scientist of Israeli origin. A work about how the pursuit of perfection distances us from happiness.

"Better than perfection"

A book from current clinical psychologist Elizabeth Lombardo about how to overcome your inner critic. The author gives 7 strategies.

“Work and personality: workaholism, perfectionism and laziness”

A major work for psychologists and sociologists, dedicated to the modern perception of professional activity. Author E.P. Ilyin, considers the structure and genesis of the phenomenon.

Set deadlines

Set a deadline for completing a task or its individual stages. For example:

Deadlines are a natural limiter to perfectionism. It’s as if a countdown timer is turned on in our heads, constantly reminding us that we need to move on, that there is no time to polish the details and chase the ideal.

Having set a deadline, try to complete the bulk of the work at the very beginning, and correct minor defects and any improvements closer to the end. This approach will increase the likelihood that you will have a completed result by the target date.

A variation of this technique is the regular schedule. It forces us to quickly move from one thing to another, leaving no time to dig into the details.

Is perfectionism a disease? This is bad?

Hewitt and Flett noted that passion for a high example is not pathological if the joy of results is correlated with effort.

That is, if you experience pleasure from the result that exceeds your “deprivation,” then you do not suffer from bad perfectionism. Here they usually say: “It was not in vain that I tried” or “It was worth it.”

If you are not satisfied with yourself or others, and your self-esteem remains at zero for a long time, no matter what you do, then you need to consult a psychologist.

Start with a draft

If perfectionism overtakes you at the start, use such an ancient method as a draft. To remove internal blocks, make a quick and casual sketch of your future work.

A. S. Pushkin. Draft of the poem “I erected a monument to myself, not made by hands”

A draft helps calm our “inner critic.” As soon as he begins to be indignant at the lack of quality work, we tell him:

-What are you worried about? It's just a draft!

“Oh, okay then,” he says, and removes his bony hands from our throats.

In addition, the draft allows you to quickly get a blank of our “product”, which can then be easily completed, corrected and improved. Otherwise, we would have been struggling for a very long time to get to this “beta version” through the jungle of perfectionism.

When working on a draft, it is important to relax and allow yourself to be “imperfect.” Allow yourself to create the most disgusting thing in the world and make all the stupidest mistakes. Nobody will know about them anyway. And after finishing the work, you will gradually turn all this “horror” into a “masterpiece”.

And yes, first drafts should never be shown to anyone. And not even because they will be ashamed. The point is this: if we know that someone can basically see them, it will be more difficult for us to relax and avoid perfectionism.

Achievements of goals

To shift targets from the prevention field to the assistance field, four actions are sufficient:

• Draw a table with three columns: prevention, positive results, promotion.
• Define prevention goals. To do this, you need to remember everything that you don’t like in life and what you have to put up with, what you want to avoid, and what to change, and write it down in the first column. Prevention goals contain negation and often have the particle “not.”
• Describe the positive results we want to achieve and add them to the second column.
• Using the information in the first two columns, reformulate the preventive goals into promoting ones and write them in the third column. Important: new goals should not contain the word “no”.

Use incremental improvements

Oddly enough, perfectionism can be planned and controlled. To do this, you need to build a workflow in the form of successive iterations of improvement (this approach is also called the “progressive jeep method”).

The point of technology is to obtain the most complete product possible at each stage of work. Here, for example, is how it can be used in web coding:

First, we create a form in pure HTML. We get a very rough, but quite working option. During the second pass, we give our form a "decent look" using CSS. In the third stage we add various small details.

The method can be adapted for other areas: painting, design, programming, etc. And professional novelists have a similar technique called the “snowflake method.”

This approach forces us to precisely dose our perfectionism and prevents us from getting bogged down in details ahead of time. In addition, our work at each stage will have a more or less finished look, and if necessary we will be able to use what we already have.

What psychologists consider normal and what pathology

Normally, healthy perfectionism is necessarily present in people who are leaders. Such people usually have not only high intelligence, the ability to plan their work and set priorities correctly, but also excellent performance.

Pathological manifestations clearly appear in people who are unable to see the good in themselves. The pursuit of ideality becomes an obsession for them throughout their lives.

The danger of perfectionism lies in the fact that people set themselves obviously unattainable goals. Subsequently, this brings them disappointment and suffering, both mental and physical. Developing into some kind of disease, against the backdrop of constant stress.

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Reasons for development

Psychologists call the authoritarian type of upbringing the root cause of perfectionism. Some parents have very high demands on their children. Everything must be perfect. Appearance, studies, behavior and even thoughts are strictly controlled by domineering and pretentious parents. Children, trying to meet all the above criteria, ultimately still fall short of the super ideal. And even in adulthood, many people are perfectionists and are under complete control of their parents. All this entails self-doubt and mood swings, which, by adulthood, can develop into depression.

Another reason for the emergence of perfectionism, scientists call genetic predisposition. Scientists from Michigan, who conducted a series of experiments, identified some signs of the genetic series that influence the formation of perfection traits in a person. However, expert opinions on the emergence of perfectionism vary. Therefore, it makes no sense to talk about how much this or that factor influenced in this particular case.

Perfectionism, in its pathological manifestation, is a destructive destructive force that can ruin the life and health of any person. People feel helpless and unable to cope with problems. Being a perfectionist is not a compliment, but a serious problem.

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Love minimalism

Try to keep everything as simple as possible. Ruthlessly remove all non-essential details and focus on ensuring that your “product” simply performs the function for which it was created.

Each new detail increases the likelihood of an attack of perfectionism. The more complex an object is, the more difficult it is to connect its parts “perfectly” and the more problems arise when creating it.

A beginner but ambitious designer designs a promo page. He wants to use all his knowledge and create a “masterpiece.” That’s why he generously adds all kinds of elements to the layout: buttons, dies, pictures, menus, icons and columns.

As a result, the page begins to look like a counter at an oriental bazaar. Now, to bring the layout to fruition, the designer will need a lot of time. Moreover, his perfectionism has room to roam.

Hence the rule: first of all, you should do everything “simple, but clean.” Then, if such a need nevertheless arises, you can carefully add some details. By the way, this is much easier to do when we already have a completed and working version.

Define priorities

Perfectionism is when the secondary becomes primary and the background comes to the fore.
Solution: The goal needs to shift from prevention to promotion. Examples of promotion and prevention:

Focus on speed

Try working a little faster than you are used to. At the same time, there is no need to rush and fuss: just make small but constant efforts on yourself to speed up.

This is another way to calm the “inner critic”. When we act quickly enough, it is more difficult for him to wedge himself into the work process with his dissatisfaction and eternal longing for unattainable ideals. We can calmly finish the work, and only then, if there is time left, return to it and correct something.

By the way, the opposite is also true: a slow pace of work increases the danger of perfectionism.

Problems and consequences

• Perfectionists constantly suffer from internal conflicts and anxiety. They do not forgive themselves for minor mistakes.

• Obsessed with approval. Having received an excellent assessment from society, a perfectionist will strive for it by any means necessary.

• A person does not enjoy life, does not notice pleasant little things. Good relationships with loved ones and friendly connections fade into the background.

• Mistakes cause stress. A perfectionist lives in tension and does not allow himself to relax.

• He overworks, so he gets sick easily. May suffer from cardiovascular disease due to exhaustion.

Perfectionists often raise their children in the same way. They lay the groundwork for complexes, fears and neuroticism at an early age.

Track “getting stuck on little things”

The main danger for a perfectionist is his tendency to get hung up on little things. That is, having focused on some unimportant detail, he begins to uncontrollably spend working time on it, forgetting about everything in the world.

Let's say a certain perfectionist blogger writes a new article. And then an amazing idea comes into his head: shouldn’t he insert a photo of a girl with an umbrella into this text?

He goes to photo stocks and looks through hundreds of photos. But alas: he doesn’t come across the right girls with the right umbrellas and the right facial expression. After stopping all websites, he tries to make a collage himself in Photoshop. And again a failure: his collage looks too clumsy and artisanal.

Three hours later, he sighs and inserts the first photograph he comes across into the article. Naturally, he will not return the time spent searching for the “girl of his dreams.”

How to learn to notice and stop such behavior in time? This can be done in several ways:

Method 1. Mini-plans. At the beginning of each hour, write down the tasks you want to accomplish that hour. At the end of the hour, summarize what you managed to do and what you didn’t. This technique significantly increases awareness while working and prevents you from getting hung up on details.

Method 2. “Beacons”. Place a visible object near your work area to remind you to move forward. You can use anything as a “beacon”: a sticker with an inscription, a poster, a postcard, a figurine, or even a soft toy. The main thing is that you place this item specifically as a reminder.

Having stumbled upon your “lighthouse”, you will be able to “wake up from being stuck” in time.

Method 3. External signal. As such, you can use a timer bell, a pop-up window or a reminder in the organizer. The same thing: this method helps to come to your senses and stop unwanted behavior.

The external signal should be repeated after a period of time that suits you: 15 minutes, half an hour or an hour. If you use the Pomodoro technique, then you don’t need to configure anything special: you already have the necessary signal.

What to do if you find yourself stuck, but don’t know how to break it? In this case, try answering three questions:

• Is this really necessary to do?
• Is there a different way to do this?
• Is it possible to make this easier?

Many “very important details” turn out to be not so important after inspection.

Overcome stress

Have you ever noticed that when you're stressed, you can't think as clearly as usual? This happens because chronic stress literally shrinks our hippocampus, the part of the brain that is responsible for processing certain information. What's the result? I don't remember (just kidding). Seriously, high levels of stress can reduce your ability to solve problems, concentrate, and feel motivated. That's not all! Stress can lead to weight gain. Stress hormones contribute to an increase in fat in the abdominal area. Let's face it: when we're stressed, we don't make the best nutritional choices. How many of you reach for fresh lettuce leaves when you're worried about an upcoming important exam or a threatening deadline? Most people prefer chips or cookies, and not just one or two, but a lot. Suddenly the whole pack turns out to be empty. Stress is bad for relationships. I don't know about you, but I tend to be less than kind and understanding when I'm feeling overly busy. Sometimes I don't want to be around myself. I can imagine how my family feels!

One of the fastest ways to reduce stress is to breathe deeply , connecting the diaphragm

On the opposite side are passion-based stress responses. It is correct to call this eustress. Eustress is positive energy that makes you want to change for the better. Instead of frightening you about what might happen, eustress evokes the ability to withstand difficulties, joyful excitement, a feeling of motivation, encouragement, and enthusiasm. Eustress helps you solve problems, think and act innovatively, and overcome obstacles despite any kind of opposition or skepticism from others. Eustress manifests itself in determination, perseverance and courage. Examples of eustress include learning something new and interesting, becoming romantically involved with someone you really like, starting a business that you are passionate about, overcoming a challenge that means a lot to you, watching a scary movie (for some), sports, preparing for an exciting event, developing new abilities and talents, helping other people.

Food can also have a significant impact on stress levels. Too much sugar or caffeine can make it worse, as can dehydration. Convenience foods are high in fat, sugar and salt, which increase levels of the stress hormone cortisol. So choose fresh, whole foods that are rich in nutrients: protein, carbohydrates and healthy fats.

One of the fastest ways to reduce stress is to breathe deeply, engaging your diaphragm. It may seem too easy to be true, but it's not. Deep breathing activates the hypothalamus, which slows down stress hormones and relaxes the body. So the next time you feel stressed, take five deep breaths from your diaphragm.