Perfectionism: what is it, good or bad. Why and how to deal with perfectionism

What is perfectionism

Perfectionism is the desire to follow high standards of activity, independently put forward demands for personality and activity. As a rule, these requirements are excessively high, and the person himself is convinced of the possibility of achieving the best, the ideal. Moreover, he is not only convinced of the possibility of achieving the best, but also believes that he is obliged to achieve the best.

The term “perfectionism” comes from the Latin perfectus, which literally translates as “absolute perfection.” Perfection becomes the goal of human life.

In Russian psychology, people started talking about the problem of perfectionism not so long ago - at the beginning of the 21st century. Since then, researchers have been able to establish a connection between perfectionism and depressive tendencies.

This article deals with neurotic perfectionism, which is characterized by:

• The individual’s preoccupation with the shortcomings of himself and his activities, his own mistakes. Moving forward due to fear of failure or disappointment of others, and not for the sake of the need to achieve goals and development.
• Uncertainty about the result (product) of activity, its quality.
• The importance of parents’ assessments and expectations at any age (researchers are convinced that it is parents who serve as the source of perfectionism).

The best - or none

Actually, there is one plus: perfectionism forces a person to study, work, train “through not wanting” - in general, not to stand still. Most of the outstanding athletes, artists, and scientists possessed this quality, and it was this that allowed them to achieve success in their activities. Alexander the Great dreamed of conquering the whole world - and who knows, if not for his death at 32, what would the political map look like now?

The prototype of the main character of the film “The Devil Wears Prada” is Anna Wintour, editor-in-chief of the American edition of Vogue magazine, who is recognized as one of the most influential figures in the world of modern fashion. Striving to achieve perfection in everything, she also became famous for her extremely tough leadership style. Ulyana Lopatkina, a famous ballerina, on the day of her performance, always dances her part from start to finish at rehearsal, without giving herself any concessions.

But you have to pay for everything: Lopatkina more than once lay on the operating table, treating injured legs and back, and Anna Wintour just can’t improve her personal life.

Signs of perfectionism

Domestic psychologists N. G. Garanyan, A. B. Kholmogorova and T. Yu. Yudeeva identified the following signs of perfectionism:

• inflated performance standards and inflated claims that do not correspond to individual capabilities;
• the same high demands and expectations for other people;
• the belief that others have high expectations for the individual;
• constant comparison of oneself with other people, mostly successful in presenting the personality itself;
• the principle of life and activity “all or nothing”;
• ignoring one’s own successes, focusing on the individual’s failures.

Researchers note that perfectionism is a disease of the 21st century.

How to deal with perfectionism

If you are afraid to take on a new business, don’t like anything you create on your own, and it takes about an hour to select a font for a letter to a colleague, then it makes sense to pay attention to psychology. “In my practice, there are now far fewer clients with neurotic manifestations in the form of striving for ideals at work. I attribute this to the fact that during the two years of the pandemic, people have slowed down in the race for success. Previously, courses on “success” were advertised at every turn; we increasingly looked around with the fear that suddenly our colleague was already at the top of Olympus, and we were only at the foot. Nowadays, clients’ priority is to initially understand and make friends with themselves,” says Gestalt therapist Alexandra Molodets.

Special practices will help reduce anxiety levels and stop unreasonably criticizing yourself. Below are some simple tips to combat perfectionism:

• recognizing a problem is the first step towards solving it. If a person recognizes himself as a perfectionist, then he will be able to overcome his negative qualities and play profitably on the positive ones;
• time frames will help reduce the waste of resources and concentrate on the final goal;
• a formulated result and a clearly defined goal will help you not to be distracted by minor details;
• It is useful for perfectionists to make lists of tasks that will speed up the work process;
• Delegating responsibilities is an important and very difficult part of dealing with perfectionism. You need to learn to break the work into small components and entrust some part to other people;
• any failure is, first of all, a valuable experience. It is necessary to shift the focus from the error to the importance of the knowledge gained;
• rest for a perfectionist can be an overwhelming task. It is important to learn to relax and enjoy even an unexpected change in plans.

If you cannot overcome the negative aspects of perfectionism on your own, it is better to consult a specialist. An experienced psychologist will help restore mental balance and prevent serious diseases of the nervous system.

Reasons for perfectionism

In psychoanalytic theory, there are several points of view regarding the causes of perfectionism. Thus, S. Freud believed that the desire for perfection is caused by the repression of drives. K. Jung considered this an innate property, a manifestation of selfhood. A. Adler also considered the desire for perfection to be a natural phenomenon, a stimulus without which life is not possible. But these opinions are more likely to relate to healthy perfectionism, rather than pathological.

Self-improvement is necessary for every person, but when this trait is emphasized, life turns into existence. With a neurotic need for perfection, the image of the ideal self predominates, that is, a distortion of the personality’s self-concept occurs.

The tendency towards perfectionism is formed in preschool and primary school age. Prerequisites for formation - features of family upbringing. Only children in the family or first-born children often become perfectionists. In addition, children whose parents:

• overly critical and demanding;
• set high expectations and standards of behavior, use indirect criticism;
• do not express approval or express it conditionally, inconsistently;
• They themselves suffer from perfectionism and teach this behavior by personal example.

A prerequisite for perfectionism is the need to achieve parental love, praising the child exclusively for achievements. As a result, the child learns to avoid criticism and disapproval and to do everything to be loved. The future perfectionist grows up with the conviction that it is impossible to make mistakes, fear, anxiety, and uncertainty. The child lacks support, a sense of security, and support.

Thus, we can distinguish 2 interrelated main reasons for perfectionism:

• Unsatisfied need for love. Inside a person lives a childish attitude: “if I am perfect, I try and do everything perfectly, then my parents will love me.”
• Lack of self-esteem. A person constantly proves something to himself, tries to rise in his own eyes, begin to love and respect himself.

Effort Distribution and Perfectionism at Pixar Animation Studios

If you decide to bring something to perfection, then first distribute your efforts perfectly.

Remember the 80/20 rule. It says:

80% of the result often comes from just 20% of the effort.

We, as perfectionists, are often very lousy at recognizing fundamental things at the level of:

• personalities
• organizations

Ed Catmull, co-creator of Pixar Animation Studios and author of Genius Inc., writes:

There is a phenomenon that the producers at Pixar Animation Studios call the amazingly darkened penny. This is due to the fact that the artists who work on our films are so concerned with every detail that they can sometimes spend days and weeks working on something that amounts to a penny lying around that you will never notice!

Monsters, Inc.
A great example of this phenomenon occurs in Monsters, Inc. when Mike and Sulley first bring Boo to their place. There's a 3 second shot of a stack of CDs that Boo knocks over. Even if it's only 3 seconds, even if you only notice a few CD covers, the artists at Pixar Animation Studios took the time to draw the cover for each box. And there are about a hundred of them.

Catmull's main emphasis is on describing the production process:

Because the production unfolds gradually, our people have to work on scenes without knowing the context for them. Therefore, they work them super hard to be sure. It gets worse when our unrealistically high standards lead them to conclude that more is always better.

This is something perfectionists often struggle with. But the truth is usually the opposite. Often doing less is more. Therefore, be critical of your work.

Try to recognize the critical 20% (the fundamental smallness) and spend less time obsessing over the 80% that is not particularly significant.

80/20 rule

Types of perfectionism

Perfectionism can be healthy, promoting personal development, and pathological (neurotic). In the first case, a person sets realistic, but difficult goals for himself, achieves them and experiences satisfaction from overcoming difficulties. With neurotic perfectionism, a person does not take into account his own potential and capabilities at all, self-improvement becomes a goal, not a method, goals are inadequate. A neurotic perfectionist never experiences satisfaction from the results of his work, because he always believes that he could have done better.

Healthy perfectionism is characterized by:

• An active life position of the individual, confidence in the ability to cope with stress.
• Considering threats and difficulties as opportunities and new paths for development.
• High ability to adapt to new conditions, ability to take risks, accept life changes.
• Feeling of happiness and satisfaction with life.
• A positive outlook on the future, the desire to achieve goals.
• Adequate self-esteem, acceptance of one’s strengths and weaknesses, capabilities and limitations.
• Independence, focus on one’s own beliefs, confidence, independence in choosing a life path.
• Personal development, a sense of personal growth and self-realization.
• Energy and cheerfulness.

Pathological perfectionism is characterized by:

• Lack of self-confidence, loss of self-control in difficult life situations.
• Helplessness and lack of independence, retreat in situations of uncertainty or threat.
• Running away from problems, inability to learn from difficulties, negative perception of obstacles.
• A feeling of meaninglessness in life, dissatisfaction with it.
• A feeling of hopelessness about the future, a negative attitude towards the past, the absence of a single time thread.
• Disappointment in oneself, dissatisfaction with oneself, lack of acceptance of oneself.
• Denial of participation in one's own life, belief in fate and predestination, focus on the assessment of others.
• An obsession with the idea of ​​perfection, a feeling of stagnation in personal development.
• Apathy, exhaustion, fatigue, feeling of depletion of personal resources.

In turn, unhealthy perfectionism can be:

1. Personally oriented. All the individual’s demands are directed towards himself. A person has an internal motivation for self-improvement, high personal standards, a tendency to set unattainable or difficult to achieve goals, increased self-criticism and self-control, reflection, turning into self-flagellation. A perfectionist of this type is intolerant of his own failures and shortcomings and is prone to self-blame.
2. Externally oriented. This type of personality is able to accept its shortcomings, but does not forgive others for mistakes and imperfections. He is demanding of those around him, sets high standards, and tends to create and focus on ideal images, for example, the image of an ideal woman.
3. Socially assigned perfectionism. A person of this type is convinced that others expect great success from him and will not tolerate failure. To avoid negative evaluation and criticism, a person is obliged to meet social standards, even if they seem impossible.

Perfectionism: when there is no room for error

Who are perfectionists? What types of perfectionism do psychologists identify? How to deal with perfectionism?

Evgenia Dashkova, a contextual behavioral psychologist, teacher at the Association of Cognitive Behavioral Psychotherapy, spoke about this and much more at the next Apteka.ru broadcast and answered questions from viewers that came during the broadcast.

What is perfectionism?

Perfectionism is a personality trait or way of thinking where we believe that an ideal can and should be achieved. A person with perfectionism is confident that there is an ideal in all areas of life, that there is a certain correct way to act in a given situation.

In its pathological form, perfectionism is the belief that only an ideal result has the right to exist.

Perfectionism can extend to all areas of life or be pronounced in only one of them. It happens that perfectionism extends only to work or, for example, parenthood. But more often it affects all areas of life.

The main rule of perfectionism: “Anything that is not perfect is unacceptable.” It is expressed in feelings of shame and guilt when a person does something wrong.

For example, you wrote a thesis, but instead of being happy about it, you think where you could have made a mistake. It is important to remember that with perfectionism, the ideal is unattainable.

American psychiatrist David Burns defines perfectionists as: “People who strive uncontrollably and tirelessly to achieve impossible goals and measure their worth only in terms of productivity and achievement.”

Four Basic Types of Perfectionism

1) Self-oriented perfectionism is expressed in harsh self-criticism. Such people expect ideal results from themselves, they expect their activities to be ideal.

This is the feeling when a person constantly believes that he is not good enough, and when he constantly looks for his own mistakes.

Question from a viewer: What you say are excuses for losers. You can't achieve success that way.

It is important to recognize the difference between wanting to do a good job and having unrealistic standards. A perfectionist doesn't just try to do a good job, he pays too much attention to minor details, which causes the work to be slower and worse. In addition, such a person is always dissatisfied with the result.

Perfectionism with inflated standards leads to worse results and loss of motivation.

2) The second type of perfectionism is other-oriented perfectionism. It is expressed in inflated demands on others, when you believe that everyone must meet your standards.

While self-oriented perfectionism leads to depression, type 2 perfectionism leads to anger and irritation because you constantly notice other people's mistakes. Of course, this affects relationships.

Question from a viewer: Can perfectionism directed at others exist without perfectionism directed at oneself?

Most likely, if there are demands on others, there are demands on oneself, but in different people they manifest themselves in different ways: some have more demands on themselves, others on others.

3) Socially prescribed perfectionism is also a requirement for yourself, only it seems to you that other people expect something significant from you, and you must meet their requirements, not your own. This is often true when you cannot get a position if you do not meet the requirements (for example, in appearance).

It happens that parents’ demands are too high, and children raised in such families are constantly inclined to think that they “fall short.” Such perfectionists are also prone to depression.

4) The last type is existential perfectionism. He is also close to other-oriented perfectionism, but here the demands are not on people, but on life itself. This is the feeling that life should be right and good. The world must be fair.

This results in irritated criticism of everything around you: “Why are people not like this? Why is the world not like this? This is the basis for constant frustration. Paradox: the more comfortable life becomes, the more demands there are on it.

Question from a viewer: Existential perfectionism and other-oriented perfectionism are just boring and quarrelsome!

Both tediousness and quarrelsome character are always explained by something. People have reasons to be the way they are. Self-oriented perfectionism results in depression, social phobia and severe mental disorders.

Other-oriented perfectionism results in irritation and guilt. Also, perfectionism can cause an eating disorder (eating disorder), since ideas about ideal bodies are imposed on us.

Question from a viewer: What are the origins of perfectionism?

Three main reasons: biological prerequisites (genes can predetermine character; children prone to perfectionism in the future are very susceptible to criticism), social and psychological reasons - we all grew up in an atmosphere of high demands. There is a constant improvement in standards. On the one hand, this is a natural development of society, on the other hand, standards become unattainable. It is very important to notice this in yourself, to notice when you want something unrealistic.

The perfectionist mindset is characterized by three things:

1. High level of requirements. 2. Attention is focused on errors and shortcomings. 3. High level of criticism and self-criticism.

Question from a viewer: A child will feel like an outcast if he doesn’t have something that others have.

No. It is normal for people to experience frustration. Our job when we raise children is not to give them everything they want. Because in this way we create in them an unrealistic vision of the world. This way we won't help them face future disappointments. Our task is to help the child see reality and cope with difficulties, to support him at this time.

How to evaluate standards?

1. Feasibility of standards: “Can this goal be achieved?” For example, in society it is customary to wash your hands; it is hygienic. This goal is achievable. 2. Benefit: “What do I gain from meeting the standards?” What do we gain from washing our hands or taking a shower every day? Socially acceptable appearance, lack of criticism from other people or wasted nerves on thoughts like: “Why are they looking at me? Now they will ask me: “When was the last time you washed?” 3. Cost: “What do I have to lose?” Washing your hands or taking a shower takes some time, but the price is completely justified by the benefits. 4. Flexibility: “Can I change the standards?” For example, it is impossible to shower every day while camping. You can change the standards and take wet wipes with you.

These are achievable standards. Impossible standards are the desire to be “super clean.” You can't wash yourself all the time without wanting bacteria to get on you. This is impossible. There is no benefit: you constantly think that you didn’t wash yourself well enough.

Perfectionism: good or bad

Perfectionism is the result of a destructive authoritarian style of family education, in which:

• high expectations are placed on the child, including the fulfillment of the unfulfilled dreams of the parents;
• parents forbid the child to make his own mistakes and repeat their mistakes;
• require regular improvement of achievements.

In the future, all the actions of a perfectionist will be aimed at achieving the highest results in order to feel their own importance and receive love.

As a child, a child receives first place in all competitions and studies with excellent marks. Receives approval and feels important. Such patterns of behavior are reinforced and continue into adulthood. However, as soon as a person faces life’s difficulties and does not receive recognition, he experiences severe frustration. A repeated state of frustration develops into stress, which often ends in distress. Distress is a source of psychological disorders and psychosomatic diseases.

So is it good to be a perfectionist? I think no. By the way, it is a mistake to consider perfectionists as ideal workers. Yes, they often become workaholics, fulfilling their own responsibilities and those of others, but they are demanding not only of themselves. If someone’s actions do not fit into the perfectionist’s system, then conflict cannot be avoided.

Pros and cons of perfectionism

In the case of neurotic perfectionism, we are not talking about any positive qualities. Increased anxiety, demandingness and striving for ideals need to be discussed and worked through with a psychologist. As for healthy perfectionism, there really are positive aspects:

• success in various fields of activity;
• attention to detail;
• high quality work;
• thorough approach;
• no errors.

These qualities are very important in many areas of activity. Perfectionists make wonderful surgeons, engineers and jewelers. But everything has a downside.

Disadvantages of perfectionism:

• problems with completion dates;
• self-criticism;
• constant stress;
• irrational distribution of time and effort.

A perfectionist spends a lot of effort on solving small problems, forgetting about the final goal. Because of this, the work is not completed on time. A person begins to worry about possible failure, which develops into self-criticism and often ends in a depressive state.