How to believe in yourself and your strengths: advice from a psychologist

June 1, 2019
Self-esteem
Tatyana Proskuryakova

Self-confidence is an indispensable attribute of success. Without this, it is absolutely impossible to achieve any satisfactory result. A person only reveals his full potential when he can act openly, using his internal resources. Self-development is impossible without developed self-confidence. This is the only way we can act openly, putting all our abilities into practice. Believing in yourself and your strength can sometimes be difficult. This requires some effort and enlisting your own support. So, what should you keep in mind? Let's try to understand this issue. The advice of a psychologist will be useful to those who are desperate and do not know how to regain peace of mind.

Stop comparing

How to force yourself to believe in yourself if circumstances are clearly not going well? Many people have the sin of looking to the majority opinion for any reason. They have no idea how much such thoughts limit them. Sometimes a series of unpleasant events unsettles you so much that it then takes a lot of time to come to your senses and restore the wasted strength.

The habit of comparing can have a very detrimental effect on personality development. In particular, self-confidence also depends on how independent we can remain in a crowd. You need to direct your efforts to create your own picture of the world, constantly confirming your chosen solution. And for this you need to clearly understand what you need.

Self-confidence and learned helplessness

One of the reasons

The reason why some give up after a series of failures, while others only stand their ground more stubbornly and with each new defeat strengthen their faith in their own capabilities, and each new defeat is considered as an approach to their cherished goal,
is learned helplessness.
This phenomenon was discovered by Martin Seligman. The scientist conducted an experiment on dogs. I divided them into three groups. The first two groups of dogs were in a box with current supplied, the third - without. In the first group, the dogs could get free after poking their muzzles at a certain point. The dogs from the second group could not influence the situation in any way - the box opened, regardless of their actions.

As a result, when all the test animals were again placed in a special chamber with a current applied to the floor, the dogs from the second group showed complete apathy - they did not even try to get free and avoid pain, they simply lay down on the floor and whined pitifully. The dogs from the first and third groups easily jumped over the small partition and found themselves free.

The mental state of the experimental subjects from the second group was called learned helplessness - a sense of self in which the dominant idea is that the result does not depend on our actions and efforts, we do not influence the outcome of events. As a result, we stop believing in ourselves.

Whether or not a state of learned helplessness develops after a series of failures and how intense it will be will depend on the type of attribution, i.e. on how a person interprets the events that happened to him . If a person blames himself for all failures and considers negative events to be natural, then most likely he will be inclined to give up

. With a more optimistic approach, when a person sees an unfortunate combination of circumstances as the cause of failure and considers failures to be accidental, then he will be more likely to be inclined to fight.

So, we found out that the state of lack of faith in oneself and one’s strengths can be a consequence of learned helplessness, which has become a personal trait. According to Seligman, this trait is formed in childhood, around the age of 8

.
A person’s belief in the effectiveness of his actions, when he sees a direct connection between his own efforts and results, is formed under the influence of parents and their upbringing
.

Parents who gave their child little room for independence, tried to do everything for him, tried to satisfy any needs, contributed to helplessness. It is quite logical that for such mothers and fathers, the child grows up helpless and does not believe in himself, because a person learns about what he can and cannot do from others. If an overly caring parent does not allow the child to do anything on his own, helpfully puts away toys for him, ties his shoelaces, etc., then it is quite natural that the child internalizes the attitude that he himself is not capable of anything.

In addition, a helpless child grows up in families where the father is overly strict and controls every step, and punishes for disobedience.

Parents themselves are convinced of the incorrigibility and badness of their offspring and latently demonstrate this conviction to him.

Another source of the formation of self-doubt is school education.

, which does not allow the child to reveal his abilities.
For the school system, any self-confidence is bad, because a self-confident child is more difficult to manage, he has his own opinion, and this is a danger and risk for the school system. Therefore, preschool teachers and school teachers are aimed at ensuring that the child does not stand out and is as modest as possible. “I am the last letter in the alphabet” - this is what we are taught in childhood.
Other reasons that lead to uncertainty include:

inflated demands and unrealistic expectations; with this approach you will never be able to meet the given standard and will always disappoint yourself;
inability to forgive mistakes;
perfectionism and constant self-flagellation - the ideal is unattainable and therefore you are never good enough for yourself.

The right environment

It is necessary to build an appropriate social circle for yourself. If you constantly interact with negatively-minded individuals, is it any wonder that you yourself begin to focus too much on unpleasant moments? The fact is that whether we like it or not, there is mutual influence, the power of which cannot be denied. Positively minded people can help you gain a different perspective on the world and begin to act more constructively, in accordance with individual preferences. No person can live isolated from society and still feel happy. Timely support is very important. Especially in the case when a person is at a crossroads and does not know what to do correctly. This is why your social circle should be chosen especially carefully and carefully.

Checking desires for truth

If you have a goal, strive for it. Make a plan for your actions and check yourself for the truth of your desires: do you really need it and why? Will you be happier when you achieve what you want? If yes, then this is yours, go for it! Feel free to move towards your goal, but without rushing things and without attaching great importance to what is happening.

In your life there will be exactly what you deserve, what you correspond to. Therefore, when you believe in yourself and take success for granted, it will certainly come to you, and if you doubt and consider yourself unworthy, then, excuse me, you will get what you deserve.

Tags: achieving goals, life positions, self-education, motivation, personal psychology, goals, working on oneself, self-esteem, self-organization, self-confidence

Advantages and disadvantages

Each of us has strengths and weaknesses. This is a fact that is difficult to argue with. When thinking about how to believe in yourself, you need to know your own essence well. It would be extremely useful to write down your advantages and disadvantages on paper. This is how you can be convinced that you deserve much more than you thought. There is no point in blaming yourself for past mistakes and defeats. Start working on yourself. Personal growth involves discovering new perspectives. There is nothing more attractive than being able to act on your inner beliefs.

How to raise morale. Exercises

To change your attitude towards yourself, you need to move in several directions at once.

First, start thinking of yourself with respect and love.
Because a new attitude towards yourself begins with saying goodbye to destructive thoughts about your shortcomings. Even if these thoughts were instilled in you by your parents. Forget everything bad that they told you about your abilities, drive away thoughts like “I’m a loser” every time they flash through your mind.
Secondly, look for areas of activity in which you feel competent.
Let me remind you that self-confidence largely depends on real success - the more often you succeed in something, the more you believe in the possibility of new achievements, and vice versa, bad experience can sow doubts in your own abilities.

For example, you are planning to learn how to dance samba, but you do not have the necessary abilities - a sense of rhythm, good coordination, musicality, etc. Therefore, you will have to make serious efforts to learn even the simplest movements and fail time after time. With each unsuccessful action, it will become more and more difficult to believe in yourself. At the same time, our perception is structured in such a way that it can transfer negative experiences from one area to all others. And after repeated unsuccessful attempts to master dance, a person may feel that in all other areas he is unsuccessful and incompetent.

What is the takeaway from this example? You need to know your strengths and weaknesses in order to realize your talents and boost your morale. Plus, you constantly gain new knowledge, skills, life experience, and become truly more successful and effective. And then the experience of achievements and the approval of others will do their job - based on this experience, it will be easier to believe in yourself in the future, even if a difficult task lies ahead.

Of course, self-confidence is a state that cannot simply be taken and appropriated by an effort of will. To replace self-doubt with confidence, you need to work hard on yourself. But what if you need results quickly, here and now? What if the situation requires decisive and bold action? There are several exercises that will help perk up your spirit.

Accept your “I”. Practice self-praise

Write down on paper all the affectionate nicknames that your family and friends call you. Make a list of positive qualities and rank them in order of importance and value. Imagine that you are writing on behalf of a friend or loved one. Try to add as many poetic descriptions and comparisons as possible to your text - “sharp as an eagle”, “gentle as cotton candy”. Write down the shortcomings that you will probably find in yourself in a laudatory manner (“No one else, except me, knows how to misinterpret notes in karaoke so masterfully”). Read the resulting description to as many people around you as possible.

Don't take it personally

Everything that others think and say about you is a projection of their own reality. Every time you hear less than flattering words about yourself, think that the person who said them most likely has his own problems, troubles or difficult past experiences.

In a moment of doubt

At the moment when you begin to be overwhelmed by thoughts about your own worthlessness or doubts that some existing problem can be solved, ask yourself 4 questions.

What I think now about myself or about the situation is true?
Do I really never live up to my own and other people's expectations? Or are there several examples in my past when everything worked out?
How do I respond to thoughts of worthlessness? Am I scared, angry or sad?
Who would I be without these thoughts? How would I feel if I couldn't think bad about myself?

Now replace the initial thought about yourself, which was formulated in a negative way, with its complete opposite. For example, “I don’t have enough ability to paint a picture” - “I’ll paint a picture”, “I won’t be able to get a good job” - “I’ll get a good job.” Confirm this idea with facts: I draw well, I have drawing skills, I have been painting for a long time and can do a lot, etc.

After this, ask yourself the 4 original questions again, only with respect to the new wording. This practice helps you get rid of doubts about your capabilities and look at yourself differently, without pessimistic glasses.

In addition, try to surround yourself with confident people; their example can inspire us to never stop trying, not to give up, and to strive for new achievements.

Defeat laziness

If you too are worried about how to believe in yourself and take action, you need to reconsider your attitude towards action. Remember that a lazy person is unlikely to achieve anything significant in life. When we are subject to this weakness, it becomes very difficult to understand our immediate prospects. Only by overcoming your own destructive habits can you fully free yourself from painful thoughts. Laziness incredibly limits us and prevents us from realizing our plans.

Female psychology and self-confidence

Deep down, most women may have opposing beliefs that coexist. Many women are guided by doubts about their appearance. This can really cause a huge number of problems for them.

Many women simply don't know how to find self-confidence or how to build self-esteem and self-confidence. Often insecure women say: “What if it doesn’t work out? What if I can’t”? In most cases, they are simply afraid of losing, not being liked, or looking ridiculous. At a deeper level of the subconscious, all this forms the belief that it is simply impossible to gain self-confidence. Believe in yourself and success is guaranteed!

There is a great way to understand whether you believe in yourself or not. Record yourself on a video camera with speech, gestures, movements. Look at the recording and see if you like your appearance and behavior. If you respond calmly to others' portrayals of yourself, then you most likely accept yourself for who you are and have no problem building self-confidence.

When a woman is able to accept and love herself with all her strengths and weaknesses, then it becomes easier for her to move through life and easier to achieve advancement in her career. The psychology of every person should be based on self-respect, love and absolute acceptance of oneself! Believe in yourself and everything will work out! The formula for success is simple!

Active lifestyle

How to believe in yourself if gloomy reality does not allow you to do so? It is necessary to thoroughly reconsider the attitude towards current events. After all, the surrounding reality is the way we ourselves imagine it, endowing it with certain characteristics.

An active lifestyle contributes to the emergence of new thoughts, fresh ideas and constructive solutions. If you are also thinking about how to start believing in yourself, you should definitely be patient. You just have to take certain steps every day that lead to a positive result. Soon you will notice tangible changes for the better.

Within reasonable limits.

Each person has glasses of his own reality. Through the prism of his ego, he evaluates himself and his actions. Colleagues stop listening to each other’s opinions, because their own is the most correct. Businessmen do not admit to themselves until the very end that their business is on the verge of collapse. And social media increasingly feeds the unhealthy ego of like addiction or selfie syndrome. High self-esteem, like low self-esteem, is just an external mask. These are extremes, between which there is a zero point - healthy self-confidence. It does not require external confirmation of its own uniqueness. This is recognition of the uniqueness of what is.

Take the self-doubt test

How to find your adequate level?

Listen to the opinions of others . The environment in which you are used to receiving approval is not suitable. You need to get clear feedback not through likes, but through communication with ordinary people who sincerely wish you well.
Stop making comparisons . Excessive control turns on at the point “what will people say about me.” The energy of constant control is released and directed towards other people. The center of attention shifts from one’s own person to other people’s emotions and experiences.
Asking for forgiveness . The ability to admit that you are wrong is the act of a mature person. A person may not accept an apology - that is his right. But sometimes you need to apologize just to feel better.
Save your rose-colored glasses for special occasions . Sometimes you need to bounce back after a failure or just improve your mood. Rose-colored glasses should be saved for such cases. But don't wear them too often.

The problem of lack of self-confidence is so pressing that many psychologists and life coaches receive scientific titles for their research in this area. Each of them has their own theory and methods of working, but the main news is this: it is treatable.

Learn to say no

When a person tries to please everyone, nothing good comes of it. As a rule, the matter ends with a large loss of energy as a result of strong tension. Learning to refuse is simply necessary for those who are going to become a successful person. Many people ask how to believe in yourself when you give up? It is imperative to filter the incoming information. You should not agree with all the proposals that are around. By learning to say “no” to others, we find the strength to begin to act in accordance with our own internal attitudes. It is likely that those around us will change their attitude towards us.

My experience

To gain self-confidence, I worked in two directions: accepting myself, working through psychological problems, childhood traumas and moving in small steps from one success to another, creating situations of success for myself.

This is what it looked like:

Compiling a list of skills and achievements accumulated over a lifetime, starting with the point “learned to walk.” Regular addition to this list.
Creating an image of a confident person and following it. It was a plan that told which qualities to get rid of and which ones to acquire.
Creating situations of success. To begin with, I chose what I like and does well. For example, for my first coursework at the university, I chose the topic “Youth subcultures.” The writing process was still not without difficulties, but the result is this: the work was passed “excellent”.
Accepting your experience.
If you can calmly talk about everything that once touched you, then you are healed. Previously, I was filled with resentment, anger, and a feeling of shame. However, as soon as I realized that I have nothing to do with the decisions and actions of two adults (parents) and am not responsible for their lives, life became easier. Their life is their life. My life is my life. And I am no longer that dependent child who has no right to vote. I can choose. Moreover, I already have an example of how it should not be. All that remains is to find guidelines “as it should be.”
Interaction with people. My confidence grew when I realized that they listened to me, they saw me as a friend, an intelligent and good person, a specialist. But my confidence grew even more when I realized: “There are those who are ready to accept me with all my characteristics, advantages and disadvantages.” When you are not afraid of being rejected, criticized, humiliated, then you become more confident.

If something shakes my confidence, I remind myself of one story. We didn’t become friends with copywriting right away. Somewhere in 2010, I “accidentally” registered on the exchange, completed some tasks, and then abandoned everything, and abandoned it right with the orders - I decided that this was some kind of bullshit.

Later I realized that this is one of the best copywriting exchanges and a real source of money on the Internet. I also realized that I want and can write articles. But here’s the thing: my rating there is in the minus, and a big minus.

But I did it. I was able not only to get out of it, but also to establish myself in this area . Isn't this a reason to believe in yourself? And this is also a reason to trust people and be open, because someone believed in me, despite the negative rating.

I also like to remind myself of the qualities that I was able to get rid of. For example, about the fact that I stopped “starting up at half a kick,” screaming, throwing objects, or destroying everything around me. And I remember very well, it seems that even at the level of feelings, that path. I remember every situation in which I was able to restrain myself, overcome, and a feeling of pride in myself.

To believe in yourself again, gain confidence and start taking action, remember in detail and images the story of your most striking success that is significant to you. Live it here and now.

Setting Big Goals

How to learn to believe in yourself, no matter what? You should definitely reconsider your personal beliefs, understand which road you are taking, what you are moving towards. Goals must be attractive so that you want to achieve them and rejoice at the approach of your dream. In this case, there is a great surge of strength and a desire to quickly achieve the desired result. If you set yourself fairly significant goals, then following the chosen path will become much more interesting. In this case, the person will almost certainly not stop at any obstacles and will not allow himself to be confused.

The ability to manage thoughts is very important here. Only then will anxiety begin to subside. How to help a person believe in himself if he can’t? You need to convince him of the need to try to set the desired goals for himself. Self-confidence is an obvious indicator of personal growth.

How to move your life forward

This chapter will contain tips that you can use to understand how to increase your self-confidence:

think about life more simply. People who prepare for problems will face these problems. If on a subconscious level we are told that a task is difficult and practically impossible to solve, then most will give up in front of it. But any situation can always have a simple solution. It is worth treating life's difficulties as a logical puzzle, where there is always a simple solution. As M. Kalashnikov said: “Everything ingenious is simple, everything complex is unnecessary.” Learn to perceive life more simply, then it will be easy for you to achieve your goals;

How to increase self-confidence if nothing works out? Based on the experience of people equal to you. By social status, financial situation and income;

remember your successes, forget your failures;

To develop self-confidence, forget childhood and teenage complexes.

Some more tips on how to develop self-confidence. First of all, assess your capabilities realistically. You shouldn't plan to become a millionaire if you barely have enough to eat. Work, dream, learn how to build self-confidence. Set your priorities. Don't take on an unbearable burden.

Increased efficiency

Check yourself, do you always act as focused and active as possible? In most cases, people spend a lot of time on various experiences and little time on important activities. To learn to manage yourself, you need to try to harmonize your own state of mind. Our fears and anxieties take up too much emotional strength, without which it is impossible to work productively and achieve better results. How to believe in yourself without being disappointed? You must strive to improve your efficiency.

Let the work bring joy, true inspiration and spiritual transformation. A person can only feel truly confident when he accepts full responsibility for what is happening. The efforts made are truly worth a lot.

Comes from childhood.

Parents' views always influence children's self-esteem. If from birth a child becomes a source of joy, if he reads in his parents’ eyes that he is loved, then he himself grows up happy. The feeling of self-respect remains for life. This is the inner core that cannot be broken by critical judgments or negative assessments.

But parents have their own complexes and unfulfilled hopes. How will the child fit into these expectations? His entire future fate depends on this. For example, a girl is growing up. Of course, her parents love her, consider her smart, but not attractive in appearance. All her life she hears praise for her academic achievements and criticism regarding her appearance. Guess in which area of life she will have adequate self-esteem?

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Children grow up and move away, but an inner voice constantly reminds them of their own shortcomings. It is important to understand that this is someone else's voice and you can get rid of it. How to do it? Take responsibility for your life. Parents have been raising them as best they can for 16 years. If the result of their upbringing is not satisfactory, they still have many years to relearn.

Self-confidence is not God’s blessing, and its absence is not a death sentence. But sometimes we are in the grip of illusions and overestimate our abilities. Some psychologists believe: we are so fixated on our chosenness that we have stopped adequately assessing what is happening. What causes self-confidence to grow to the point of self-confidence?

Constant self-education

When struggling with the question of how to believe in yourself, you need to try to assimilate new information whenever possible. At some point, awareness of any issue can be very useful and help in resolving a conflict situation. Self-education must be present in your life. Anyone who expands their knowledge will certainly find themselves in an advantageous position. By self-education, a person expands the horizons of his own capabilities. At some point, he notices that it becomes easier for him to look for a way out of the current situation.

Gradually, self-confidence and the desire to have outstanding achievements appear. This effect is definitely worth the effort. As a result, a person chooses a certain direction in life and tries to follow it. This includes choosing the desired profession. Sometimes you have to review many options before you settle on the most suitable one. Internal reserves will only increase if you begin to radiate tremendous self-confidence. You should not refuse the opportunity for self-education when it actually appears in your life.

How to regain faith in yourself if you have already given up and given up

Every person goes through this stage. The feeling of hopelessness and loss of self-confidence after a series of failures and disappointments is especially relevant.

Ways to regain faith in yourself.

Forgive yourself

We forgive those who have hurt us. We forgive the inattentive, harsh, indifferent. We often do not forgive ourselves, we torment ourselves with criticism, we reproach ourselves for some action, we plunge into sad thoughts, remembering the wrongdoing. You are worthy of forgiveness, remember that.

Be responsible

Everyone has the right to make mistakes. By acknowledging it, do not absolve yourself of responsibility. A mature person is never irresponsible. Think about each action, how it will help you, give strength and confidence to others, or solve a serious problem.

Help others

Many people need help. There are special groups on social networks that talk about people with disabilities who need support, dogs, abandoned children, and the homeless. Find yourself a worthy hobby - charity. Even ten rubles can help at a decisive moment. Do good and you will feel your self-confidence and self-esteem grow.

Favourite buisness

The importance of a hobby can hardly be overestimated. Its positive influence on an individual is enormous. It is then that a person gets the opportunity to reveal his full potential, no matter how insignificant it may seem. In fact, each of us has certain talents hidden within us. You just need to find them and make efforts for effective self-realization. We become truly happy when we do what we are meant to do. The soul finds peace and inspiration. There is a desire to follow your inner impulses, to pay attention to what is happening with your thoughts and feelings. When a person starts doing what he loves, he feels a huge surge of strength. As a result, any desires become achievable, and all aspirations are easily realized in reality. The ability to believe in oneself is very important for a thinking person focused on creative realization. But even a simple man in the street discovers the enduring meaning of life when he begins to follow his inner voice. This is how limiting beliefs change and the spiritual power of the individual increases. What we love is what inspires us to great achievements and helps us make amazing discoveries.

Disservice

Sometimes excessive care and concern in the life of another person takes on a rather negative character. For example, an overly caring mother who, in an attempt to help her child, does everything for him. In this way, you can raise a dependent and irresponsible person. So is helping friends, relatives and friends.

It is impossible for a person to put his head on. Therefore, attempts to explain something sometimes fail and the person closes down even more or becomes aggressive, and a defense mechanism is triggered. You can’t just take one affectionate phrase and radically change a person’s life.

Helping a person in this condition should not be like caring for a sick person. This option is especially bad with a man. The more pity, the less a person wants to do something and he falls more and more into the pit of depression and indifference to life.

Pity draws you into its net very strongly and a person begins to do even worse in order to receive even more pity, attention and care. Therefore, I advise you to take a close look at your friend’s behavior, maybe he is now just asking for pity, and you are feeding his negative state?

Be sure to read the article “How to comfort a friend.” In it, I explain quite clearly and understandably when it is necessary to give a person time to cry and be alone, and when it is worth moving on to more decisive actions.

Your task is to provide support instead of care and pity. It may be in a softer form, or it may be more demanding. But it should be just support. Let's try to find out what a real, correct and strong support in a relationship with a person is.

Working with self-esteem

An important criterion that for some reason is often overlooked. You can start a completely worthy business, but if you do not have adequate self-esteem, you are unlikely to succeed soon. Unfortunately, people are not always ready to change themselves, get rid of addictive behavior and wrong habits. The fact is that luck loves the enterprising and brave. Sometimes it takes a lot of effort before the situation changes in a positive direction. Nothing just happens.

It should be remembered that everything depends on the person himself. The more stubbornness and healthy selfishness we have, the better. Self-esteem has a great influence on achieving the desired result. Only by learning to appreciate yourself can you expect a good attitude from others. Otherwise, you will have to constantly suffer and complain about life. One must continue to believe in oneself, despite unsatisfactory circumstances, and act according to individual convictions. Only in this case will the efforts made really bring pleasure.

Practical advice

There are, of course, a lot of tips on how to gain self-confidence. They all boil down to the following key conclusions:

Don't dwell on your own failures. Don't dwell on your failures. It is possible that in five to ten years it will no longer matter to you what is causing you depression now. For example, a single “C” forever deprived you of your chances of getting a honors diploma. This is real stress for you. But suppose that after university you will not be able to find a job in your specialty, you will find yourself in another field where you will achieve great success. You will become parents, and the grade you received five years ago, because of which you suffered so much, will be completely unimportant. Looking to the future, not the past, helps you gain self-confidence.

Formulate positive attitudes. “All people are like people, and I am a queen,” - this should be about you. How to believe in yourself? Just tell yourself more often that you are kind, smart, beautiful, and everything will work out for you.

The third rule for understanding how to develop self-confidence involves finding a worthy example to follow. It doesn't matter who your idol was or is. The main thing is that he helps you on how to develop self-confidence;

Attend training to develop self-confidence. Professional psychologists will easily explain how to gain self-confidence;

Set yourself a goal and go towards it. If the goal is too serious and it takes a long time to achieve it, you may get tired of it at some stage, then break it down into small intervals. Do you want to lose weight? Then today exercise, tomorrow - swimming, the day after tomorrow - jogging or climbing wall. Finish what you start. It is very important!

Before you ask yourself how to develop self-confidence, look at your bookshelf. How many books are left abandoned in the middle? Maybe, how to be more sure, there is something left somewhere at the end of one of them?

Recognize your uniqueness. Even in elementary school, I realized that there were flaws in my appearance that I didn’t like, which I was even terribly embarrassed about. But one day the teacher asked if I was ready to look like my neighbor at my desk. That is, literally take and become her, with her appearance.

I thought about it and said that it’s definitely not. And every child in the class said the same. We are ready to coddle our complexes, but we only want to be who we are. We love ourselves this way, we were born this way. How to be sure? You must accept that you are unique and beautiful for that! Self-hypnosis will help you. Does not help? Psychologists will tell you how to gain self-confidence.

Get your life in order

It's not just about putting everything in its place. Although this point is important, since a long stay in chaos is incredibly frustrating and contributes to the formation of insecurity. A person begins to feel that he is unable to cope with even the most basic tasks. Of course, order affects mental activity and mood. Inner strength appears only in those who strive for harmony and want to control the situation. Try to avoid a state of uncertainty when you cannot influence the course of events in any way. No one likes the feeling of helplessness, no matter what causes it. Putting things in order in life means stopping complaining and complaining about what is happening. The main thing is to accept responsibility for all events and try not to let go of the steering wheel. Believing in yourself is especially important when you are starting a new stage, and mental strength is not enough for a comfortable feeling of self.

How to believe in yourself: advice from a psychologist

Confident people find it easier to ask for a raise, meet a pretty girl or guy, and achieve their goals. At the same time, people who are unsure of themselves and their strengths cannot reach the same heights for the reason that they are afraid of being rejected, afraid of being rejected. They are sure that nothing will work out, so they are not even worth trying.

Henry Ford said: “ When you think you can, and when you think you can’t, you’re right in both cases.” This phrase perfectly reflects two opposite people - confident and insecure.

Reasons for uncertainty:

Lack of self-confidence is often a consequence of excessive criticism of others, self-criticism.
Everyday life and routine also often lead to this.
The problem of insecurity may lie in upbringing. Many people in childhood were given the idea that they couldn’t do it, it wasn’t for them, they shouldn’t even try, and stuff like that.

If you feel that you are at a dead end, that your work and actions are meaningless, and that your everyday life is boring, then it’s time to change something. It is possible to believe in yourself and start living the way you have only dreamed of before. But for this you need to work on yourself and your life attitudes, change your thinking. Of course, working on yourself is hard, but if you try, everything will definitely work out. Below are tips from psychologists that will help you gain self-confidence.

How to become confident - tips

Tip 1: Don't compare yourself to others

If you have a habit of comparing yourself to other people, you urgently need to get rid of it. When you think that some person is better, smarter, more beautiful, your self-esteem decreases even more. And your goal, as you remember, is to increase self-esteem.

Important: Comparing yourself with other people can lead to the development of complexes, low self-esteem, and envy.

Remember, there will always be a person who is successful in something, who understands the intricacies of work better than you, has a prettier appearance, etc. But this does not mean that you are a worthless person and do not deserve better. You have strengths too, you just need to discover them. For some, you may also be an example, you just don’t know it.

To get rid of the habit of constantly comparing yourself to someone else, do this:

Compare yourself not with other people, but with yourself, only yesterday. For example, today you ran better than yesterday. Today you are kinder than yesterday. Mentally celebrate your achievements.
Look at people not with envy, but with interest. Analyze what qualities you like in a person. Think about what helps him to be so interesting and successful. Consider the individual not as an object of envy, but as a teacher. Draw the right conclusions and start developing your best qualities.
Remember, it is better to be not a copy, but an original version of yourself. Do not copy the behavior, communication, or appearance of the person with whom you compare yourself.

Stop comparing yourself to others

Tip 2: Don't criticize yourself too harshly

A person can become his own harshest critic. Constant reproaches, endless self-criticism, and concentration on minor mistakes can lead to a person suffering greatly.

Important: Just like non-acknowledgment of any criticism addressed to oneself, self-criticism can have a detrimental effect on self-esteem and self-confidence. This greatly deteriorates your mood and can even lead to serious depression.

If you are one of the people who constantly reproach yourself for doing something this way when you could have done it differently, stop doing it.
Remember, everyone makes mistakes. Only those who do nothing make no mistakes. Forgive yourself minor shortcomings, wrong decisions, actions. Just admit to yourself that you made a mistake, forgive yourself and don’t return to this situation again. Stop delving into what happened and reproaching yourself. There are no ideal people.
If you are not ready to put up with a situation, instead of self-criticism, direct your energy to solving the problem. For example, you blame yourself for being overweight. Stop judging yourself, put an end to this self-destruction and from this day begin to do everything in order to achieve the desired forms.
Experience is the son of difficult mistakes. Take failures as experience and nothing more. Instead of giving up, draw the right conclusions and move on.

Excessive self-criticism harms normal self-esteem

Tip 3: Choose your environment

Criticism from other people leads to despair and lack of self-confidence. If there are people in your social circle who constantly criticize you, tell you that you won’t succeed and pull you down, you should reduce communication to zero.

You should not take the advice literally, otherwise you may lose all your friends and acquaintances. There are people who can express a true opinion, even though it may be offensive. But they are ready to help in difficult times, they can praise and support if necessary. Such people are not worth losing.
Surround yourself with positive people who know how to enjoy every day of their lives. You won’t even notice how you will become such a positive person. And positivity is one of the steps on the path to success and increased self-esteem.
Rid yourself of communicating with people who constantly complain about life and are always dissatisfied with everything and everyone. You won’t get support and motivation from such friends; they are saturated with negativity and will carry it into your life. But you don’t need this; this approach will not increase your self-confidence.

Choose the right environment

Tip 4: Set goals

Correct thinking, which is not supported by anything, does not last long. Therefore it is necessary to act. To increase your self-esteem, you need to set goals for yourself and be sure to complete them.

Tasks and goals should be both global, requiring a lot of time and effort to implement, and daily. Start small:

Set goals for yourself every day.
You can write them down in a notepad and then tick them off.
The goals should be simple - run 1 km more, do a good deed, do more work today, learn ten new foreign words, don’t eat junk food.
Simple tasks are easier to perform, and results will be visible faster.
Don't forget to praise yourself for completing a task.
Treat yourself periodically for completing a task. This could be a shopping bonus, a trip to the cinema or a museum, or something you enjoy.

The first victories will strengthen self-confidence and give a charge of motivation for more significant tasks.

Take small steps towards a big victory

Tip 5: Don't be discouraged

Important: It is not for nothing that in Christianity despondency is a terrible sin. Many seemingly hopeless situations can be resolved if you approach them with optimism and faith in the best.

Do not set yourself up for a negative result, always tell yourself: “I can do it,” “I am worthy of this,” “I am the best.” Believe in yourself, and you will not notice how your gait will become more confident and your shoulders will straighten.
For example, if you're going for an interview, don't set yourself up for failure. An insecure person will say: “They definitely won’t hire me.” A confident person will not even allow a shadow of doubt that this position is already in his pocket. This is the big difference between two dissimilar people. And, as a rule, different results.
Uncertainty can be felt even if you have not met the person before. Even if you are an excellent specialist, you may be rejected only because you were embarrassed and insecure at the interview.
Be positive about life. Learn to enjoy the little things, do not hesitate to show your good mood to others, then your life will be filled with bright colors, you will become more confident in yourself, and you will feel the affection of other people. It is easier for a cheerful person to make acquaintances, find friends, and meet a girl.

Live with positivity

Tip 6: Don't shift responsibility to others

Shifting responsibility to other people often stems from self-pity. Learn to take responsibility for your actions, words, actions, for your life.

For people who are unable to take responsibility, other people, the weather, and circumstances are always to blame. Don't be that person. If you decide to do this and not otherwise, defend your position and stop feeling uncomfortable if someone doesn’t like your actions. This is your life, and you are its owner. Once you take the reins into your own hands, you will feel much more confident.

Important: Get rid of feelings of self-pity. This negative feeling is an obstacle to increasing self-esteem; it pulls you down. A person who constantly feels sorry for himself is doomed to failure in advance.

Remember that you can do anything

Tip 7: Accept yourself with all your shortcomings and strengths

Don't set unattainable goals, be realistic. Love yourself with all your shortcomings, accept yourself for who you are. Try to formulate all your qualities as honestly as possible; there is no need to criticize - just understand and accept. Knowing your strengths and weaknesses will make it much easier for you to live, relate to life situations and interact with colleagues.

Don't belittle your merits. If you are praised, know how to accept compliments. Praise yourself for the work you have done successfully, for small victories and achievements.
Surround yourself with good things: cook delicious and healthy food for yourself, admire nature, walk in the fresh air, play sports, watch good movies, read books, be sure to take care of your appearance. Create a dignified and enjoyable environment for personal growth and a good life.

Love yourself

Tip 8: Challenge your fears

This advice will help you move from theory to practice. First, analyze and decide what fears interfere with your life, what prevents you from being more confident in yourself. Or what you would like to do, but you don’t do it because you are not confident in your abilities. You have to fight these fears.

If you feel insecure about being overweight, go to the gym. Overcome your fear of not being accepted, don’t be afraid to look like a black sheep. Many fit and slender people were once the same, or maybe even larger. It is difficult to take the first step, but then you will be glad that you were able to overcome your fear.
If you are tired of loneliness, but are terribly embarrassed to make acquaintances, you will have to step towards this fear. Without this, it will not be possible to change your situation, and everything may remain in its place. Even if you are refused acquaintance, do not be upset, try again. One day you will achieve success.

Face your fears

Tip 9: Do what you love

A job you don't like can suppress a person's self-esteem. Look at people who love their work, it’s like they have wings behind their backs, and even if not everything works out, the person is happy. And if you are forced to do something you don’t like for a long time, it is not surprising that there is no optimism and self-confidence.

An adult most often cannot just up and quit his job, because he has obligations to his wife, children, etc. But you can find a hobby you like. Perhaps you love to dance, be sure to go to a dance school. Find an activity that brings you pleasure and lifts your spirits. Over time, your skills and experience will increase, and you will be able to consider yourself a successful person in your favorite activity. Thanks to this, you can gain self-confidence and become a more cheerful person.

Love what you do

Tip 10: Get out of your comfort zone more often

Many people get used to their daily life, so much so that leaving their comfort zone becomes unthinkable for them. But we still advise you to leave your comfort zone more often.

It is very easy to understand that you are stuck in your comfort zone. If you feel afraid of a new situation, you are probably afraid to leave your comfort zone. A new situation or even thoughts about it can cause curiosity, excitement, anxiety, but fear indicates that you are afraid to find yourself outside the boundaries of a familiar and comfortable situation.
If you do not leave your comfort zone, you will stop developing and growing as a person. And this greatly affects self-esteem.
Travel more often, don’t be afraid of change, don’t hold on to exhausting but familiar relationships. Allow yourself to step out of your comfort zone, and you will not be able to help but notice your personal growth, and subsequent confidence in your abilities.

You need to believe in yourself and believe in yourself. If you find yourself in the trap of uncertainty, start working on your attitudes and, most importantly, take action. If you want to truly become a confident person, you will definitely get what you want.

Gaining experience

Even if it is not entirely positive, it will still help you look at certain things differently. Gaining experience is especially important when you want to learn something. You should understand that everything never works out at once. For any acquisitions, you will need to familiarize yourself with the situation in detail and delve into the essence of what is happening. Some parents are interested in how to make their child believe in themselves? First of all, he should be given the opportunity to make his own choice.

As a rule, if adults do not interfere in any way with its development, then the child will successfully self-determine at a certain moment. The child is strongly connected to his own emotions and knows what he wants. The acquisition of the necessary experience itself will make it possible to have concrete ideas about life.

How can you help a man with self-confidence?

Let's give some tips:

Take a closer look at its qualities. It often happens when a woman draws an ideal in her head, and then it turns out that it does not coincide with the real character, constant criticism and humiliation begin. Should not be doing that. It is necessary to help a man develop the missing qualities, not set unreasonable goals, and offer options that will suit both.
You need to change yourself. It’s stupid to blame him for something if you are not developing and cannot be realized in life. Show by personal example how to act, your wisdom and activity in the work process.
Let him be a man, not a henpecked man. Give the opportunity to independently solve serious gaps and take care of you. Requests should not look like orders. Be affectionate and gentle to awaken the real male in him.
You can't criticize or compare. Do not under any circumstances say that he is worse than your friend’s husband. It's your choice, so there shouldn't be any complaints. When you start comparing with other men, your self-esteem drops and you don’t want to do anything. It is necessary to support and encourage him.
Surround with care and love. This is important, create a favorable climate in the family.
You should always talk and consult with him. Show that he is the head of the family. Share your thoughts and suggestions, listen carefully, even if you decide differently.
Praise and thank. This will be an incentive to become a good husband and father. Notice every good deed, no matter how small, and praise it. This will contribute to the growth of his self-esteem.

Now we know how to help a man believe in himself. And yet, you should always speak in a calm tone, not humiliate, evaluate or lecture. The main thing is to provide support, both moral and physical. For example, introduce him to the right people, from whom he will receive a good business proposal, and so on.