The relevance of the problem of how to believe in yourself and your strengths appears when a person has already encountered a number of failures or he has to accomplish something that has extreme personal significance for him. And if an objective vision of your failures should prompt you to analyze your actions, reorient your actions or improve your skills, then if what is coming is of great importance, you will have to work exclusively with internal attitudes. First of all, a person needs to figure out why some matter has received super-importance in his system. It is unlikely that the question of how to force yourself to believe in yourself before an important interview does not arise for those who see this only as a conversation, but if you add the desire to become worthy in the eyes of your partner, to justify parental expectations, the lack of other prospects, then the importance of the interview soars significantly .
Understanding the reason for the high importance can help you separate the task itself from the expectations placed on it from above and give you the opportunity to recognize your family to earn differently. It is worth studying the issue and looking at examples of successful implementation of what you want by other people who have the same starting positions or other basic conditions - here you can learn a lot and in reality see that there is nothing transcendental in the goal, just as nothing critical happened to people during achievement.
The scale of the task, which with its weight simply crushes a person (living in a rented one-room apartment, making plans for your own built castle can seriously shake self-conceit and faith) can generate disbelief in one’s abilities. Break big tasks and long-term plans into small ones (not so destructive to the ego), develop a certain algorithm of action - this seriously calms you down, instills confidence, and adds strength. When you look at a list of several tasks, see the prescribed moves in case of a turn, then the whole event ceases to seem impossible. It is this purely practical approach that often turns out to be much more effective than various affirmations and other techniques of suggestion, since it reinforces your strength with actions, you see real changes in what is happening, although the same mechanisms for changing perception are involved, it’s just that in one case you convince yourself how cool you are, and in With your friend, you optimize the problem and reduce the scale of its impact.
Live your goals
Assess your goals for a year, five years, and your entire life. Be honest with yourself. Are these really your aspirations or just pictures from a fashion magazine stuck in your mind? Do you really want this or is this goal imposed by your spouse, your boss, or your environment? Maybe, instead of traveling to tropical islands, deep down in your heart you dream of locking yourself in your office and writing a program or a novel? Or, on the contrary, is it time to give up everything and exchange the corporate tie for a bungalow overlooking the ocean?
You can only believe in yourself if you live your life. You can’t waste your time fulfilling other people’s desires and respect yourself at the same time.
How to believe in yourself when you give up
Self-confidence can slip away from time to time due to various factors: criticism from others, another failed attempt to realize what was planned, a series of bad luck, or the inflated significance of what is happening. But there are situations when you give up and everything that pops into your head concerns only how to quit everything, and not how to believe in yourself and your strength, because objectively there is no strength left. Depressive and apathetic states, moments of crisis suck all reserves from the energy reservoir, leaving no opportunity to move on. Often the problem is not solved for so long that there is no strength to continue, but there is also no resource left for care. All this concerns issues of rethinking and finding motivation. It is the presence of meaning in one’s life and a motive for every action that gives a person new opportunities, fills him with energy and turns on imagination for other ways of achieving.
You'll have to do some soul-searching to find out whether your hard work is still your true goal. All set goals must be periodically reviewed and adjusted to stay on course. Well, what's the point of investing in a relationship where they cheat on you for the purpose of further marriage? What is the point of continuing to draw up a methodology for a project that has not been launched for a year, but continues to require development from you? Why go to visit those who have long ceased to be your friends? It’s easier to choose a goal once, but only when it no longer corresponds to your changed internal attitudes, the energy will not be supplied to achieve it. Your subconscious will begin to choose erroneous strategies, trigger various somatic diseases, and in other ways prevent the fulfillment of what has ceased to be your true desire.
Try to consider your life globally and as broadly as possible, seeing all the relationships that exist at the moment, imagine the future. Such an analysis helps in understanding how much the goal that you are striving for and trying to raise your motivation from scratch will please you when it is realized. Look for the larger meaning of your life, rather than short-term stages of satisfaction, after achievement, which are covered by emptiness and hopelessness. When you focus on such a lifestyle, over time a psychological defense is activated that does not allow you to achieve what you have chosen, because after achievement there is no joy expected, emptiness and meaninglessness await, and while you are endlessly struggling in attempts to achieve, life seems to be filled with meaning. Therefore, it is necessary to distinguish between meanings, values and goals: the first makes you live and feel energy, the second sets the choice of paths for implementation, and the third shows the direction.
When you reconsider your life, it does not give quick results, so it would be good to have the support of loved ones at this stage. In principle, this is a great strategy when you are not coping, and sometimes it is the delegation of some responsibilities that allows you to breathe new life into a frozen event.
Eliminate all negativity from your sight, stop at least temporarily communicating with people who do not believe in you and your success. Take risks and loudly declare your desires, because perhaps realization is somewhere very close. If you are looking for a job, tell everyone, maybe even strangers, but nice people, if you are confused in finding the right product, then start looking in places and countries where you have not been before or which for some reason you were afraid to trust. Such risky experiments often give a positive result, because if you didn’t find something, didn’t receive it, didn’t finish it with where you are now, it might be worth changing the external scenery.
Increase your competence
Regardless of what area of life a person feels uncomfortable in, self-confidence requires high competence. In the book “Self Confidence. How to increase self-esteem, overcome fears and doubts,” business psychology professor and writer Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic explains: to become confident on a date, in your professional life or in your social life, you need to improve your current competencies. And then, thanks to positive changes, improve your reputation.
By increasing the level of competence in the desired area, a person will acquire skills and abilities that will lead to new achievements. The individual's reputation will increase. Recognition of competence by the people around him will strengthen his inner confidence.
At the same time, the psychologist warns that you should not stop working on yourself after gaining confidence. Avoid complacency and continue to actively work on your own weaknesses and shortcomings. This will lead to the improvement of existing strengths and the acquisition of new ones, and low confidence will be transformed into even higher competence.
Increasing competence and growing reputation helped achieve success for Milton Hershey, who survived two business failures, but continued to improve his professionalism. As a result, Hershey created a recipe for milk chocolate that is popular in the world today.
Play some sports
If you want to be a 99% confident person, go in for sports.
What could be better than regularly training and observing the changes in your body, noticing the progress of improvement? In this case, when you take off your shirt and see a beautiful muscle definition, your self-esteem grows by leaps and bounds.
The tone from constant exercise gives such a charge of positive energy,
that you will want to share with the whole world. Suppose, if you were previously a notorious boy with bad posture, now you see a handsome handsome man with a confident look and a certain pride in himself and his successes. Sport, according to the athletes themselves, is the first cure for an inferiority complex.
How to help someone believe in themselves
Helping a person may not always be in the nature of solving his problems or directly participating in it. There is a huge range of situations when intervention in a person’s life through active actions only creates the appearance of help, but in reality causes harm. So, out of compassion, you can do your child’s homework for him, making his evening easier, but in the end he will not develop, you can take care of your loved ones, while depriving them of independence, a husband can completely take care of the family, depriving his wife of choice - the list can be endless. If you see that a person refuses to implement something because of thoughts that it is difficult or that he is unworthy, then you do not need to offer him something ready, but it is better to help him, becoming confident, to achieve everything on his own. The moment you do everything for him, you seem to confirm his lack of faith in his own strength, and then doubts take on a stable form.
To help a person believe in himself, you need to leave pity and evaluation, attempts at moralizing in the background. Focus on support, which can manifest itself in completely different ways - you can make it clear that you are always there and agree to any proposal, show the importance of someone else's opinion by asking for advice, show interest in the ideas expressed. Such methods are not aggressive, but create a background of their own need and importance, sharing the same values, which further pushes for a broader idea of what was planned. But support does not always look like passive contemplation and agreement, and if you feel that your friend has energy, then it is quite possible to act actively and with pressure, taking you to new places, introducing you to useful people, providing thrills. For many, such a shake-up is useful because it shows that the world around is alive and interesting, and if you start interacting with it, it will happily respond. In addition, if a person has any illogical beliefs about what is happening, then you minimize their influence by taking upon yourself to organize the first step, which is precisely the most scary (remember, dating and interviews are more frightening than dating and work).
When you communicate with a person who has lost faith in himself, avoid comparisons, even with the goal of supporting and showing how much better he is, because by doing so you trigger the comparison mechanism itself, which is contraindicated in this state. Try to talk about his qualities from yourself (“I like your dress”, “today we had fun”, “you painted a beautiful picture”). Your praises should not look like flattery or take on exaggerated forms, the very sensitive psyche of a person who has lost faith will quickly react to falsehood, so really say what you think, while criticism can and even should be given, the main thing is to choose the right form that helps the person use even your shortcomings.
"Autobiographical Trilogy", Maxim Gorky
Nothing inspires and encourages as much as someone's biographies. It is desirable that the main character rises from the very bottom straight into a niche for ashes in the Kremlin wall. All writers and biographers agree that much in the trilogy of Maxim Alekseevich Peshkov is fiction. Well, what if your real biography is not so exciting and is not much different from the lives of thousands of teenagers? The main thing is that it is interesting to read.
Both “Childhood” and “In People” and “My Universities” show and tell that there are no hopeless situations. The main thing is to be true to yourself and hope for chance. The entire trilogy is a kind of symbiosis of Dickens’ “Oliver Twist” and Tolstoy’s biographical trilogy, only without the noble envy of the cousin’s nails and the fantasies of the Victorian lower classes.
Take action
Often people, in the face of assigned tasks, experience timidity, anxiety, stress and even complete emptiness. Psychologist and writer Dr. Rob Young in the book “Self-Confidence. The ability to control your life” tells that you should not allow such emotions to interfere with the completion of the task, which still needs to be solved.
Young recommends using nervousness to your advantage. This emotional state warns a person not to let down his guard and take everything for granted. To achieve the best result, you need:
- put aside worries;
- highlight important points;
- make every effort.
The psychologist is confident that when a person often finds himself in situations that frighten him, he is more likely to forget that he was afraid. At some point, he will be filled with positive emotions, freedom and liveliness, and he will begin to like everything that is happening.
The courage of a person does not lie in not experiencing fear, but in overcoming it and learning to manage it. Show courage and start taking action, because the feeling of confidence arises after the step taken, and not before it.
Return
And still something needs to be done. Question - what?
Maybe you need to pray more, or start a Bible study group, or go to church more often. Or maybe it’s not necessary. After all, God is not only found in “spiritual things.”
Maybe today you just need to look around, look at familiar shapes, listen, touch, breathe and taste. Maybe the best thing you can do is simply revisit the things and activities you know so well and re-accept them with gratitude.
When you accept these beautiful, pure, visible gifts and appreciate them, you cannot help but recognize the Giver. This may be all the faith you can muster right now, but that's okay. Simply living and being grateful for life is already a spiritual quest; this is a sacred attitude.
Thomas Leonard's formula for success
Thomas created personal coaching and devoted a lot of time to studying the components that accompany life effectiveness. His formula looks like this: 10% + 40% + 50% = 100%, where:
10% is our experience, skills, knowledge and skills. It’s surprising, dear reader, but it’s true that our knowledge does not play the most important role in achieving our goals, only thanks to it it is almost impossible to achieve heights.
40% is our way of thinking. As you can see, our thoughts have a greater impact on our well-being than knowledge and experience. A positive way of thinking gives energy and resources, while negative thoughts already slow you down and set you up for failure.
50% is the environment. The people we interact with on a regular basis have a huge influence on our thoughts, lifestyles, values and priorities. If there are people next to you who are focused on development and achieving their goals, this will motivate you to move forward, despite the difficulties.
Gaining experience
Even if it is not entirely positive, it will still help you look at certain things differently
Gaining experience is especially important when you want to learn something. You should understand that everything never works out at once.
For any acquisitions, you will need to familiarize yourself with the situation in detail and delve into the essence of what is happening. Some parents are interested in how to make their child believe in themselves? First of all, he should be given the opportunity to make his own choice.
As a rule, if adults do not interfere in any way with its development, then the child will successfully self-determine at a certain moment. The child is strongly connected to his own emotions and knows what he wants. The acquisition of the necessary experience itself will make it possible to have concrete ideas about life.
Learn to say no
When a person tries to please everyone, nothing good comes of it. As a rule, the matter ends with a large loss of energy as a result of strong tension. Learning to refuse is simply necessary for those who are going to become a successful person. Many people ask how to believe in yourself when you give up? It is imperative to filter the incoming information. You should not agree with all the proposals that are around. By learning to say “no” to others, we find the strength to begin to act in accordance with our own internal attitudes. It is likely that those around us will change their attitude towards us.
How to believe in yourself and gain confidence
How a person can believe in himself and gain confidence are questions that are close, but not synonymous. Self-confidence consists of an attitude towards a possible future, a positive assessment of the possibilities in realizing your plans, while confidence adds general fulfillment to this list, since these are not theoretical concepts, but the direct practice of life (if you are full of plans and developments, but do not implement them in any way). reality, the amount of faith will only decrease).
To understand how to force yourself to believe in yourself, you need to switch the main attention to your own personality, in its unique development and originality, avoiding comparison, which burns confidence quite quickly, even though it goes in a positive direction (and then arrogance is born), even in negative (and then self-deprecation and complexes arise). Naturally, it is impossible to completely isolate yourself from the world and people, but it is quite possible to reformat the habit of comparison, you just have to look at people not with envy, but with interest. Remember those characters or people close to you with whom you compare yourself and logically highlight those characteristics that appeal to you, analyze what exactly this person does so that everything turns out this way - consider him as a teacher, you can even ask for advice or share your experience in achieving . It is better to compare yourself with yourself, your past achievements, skills or desired future achievements, i.e. not “I’m running slower than this guy,” but “I’m running slower than yesterday.” This approach helps to notice the reasons and correct what is happening.
Formulate your qualities as honestly as possible - accepting your various sides gives you confidence in managing your life, because having such information, you will remove doubts about whether you can or not, and you will definitely be able to be responsible for the result or not get down to business, identify unknown areas where you cannot predict the result. Recognizing your shortcomings allows you to take advantage of them, and in any professional community those who clearly understand the boundaries of their competence are more valued than those who grasp at everything and present themselves as omnipotent. It is important not to indulge in self-criticism; simple recognition and acceptance is enough; all shortcomings should be treated with patience. Instead of criticizing, it is better to praise yourself, even for small achievements or progress towards success, for example, for refusing a harmful lunch in favor of a balanced one.
Set only a few goals at a time - it is their implementation that will fill you with the feeling that you can cope with the next ones. A huge number of plans that are included in the diary load the nervous system. The more often and more symbolic ticks you tick about what you have achieved, the stronger your belief in your capabilities will become, which is facilitated by setting a small number of goals at a time.
Reconsider the beliefs that limit you; perhaps you immediately label something as “impossible” or “not my thing.” Question all the thoughts, statements and opinions you encounter along the way - your own assessments of the achievability of the goal, the verdict made about your abilities by other people, the assessment of experts and statistics on this issue. These are the factors that produce a logical, but not always correct analysis, since the situation can unfold in an absolutely unimaginable way, and where most took years, you may be lucky to get through in a month.
Use your discomfort zone
When a person sets a goal and learns something, he necessarily goes through different stages. What once seemed like a distant dream suddenly becomes achievable and real, and what seemed difficult becomes simple.
Performance coach, sports psychology expert, author Simon Hartley in the book “Can I Do It?” explains that professional athletes feel uncomfortable when given a new goal. Everything is new and unusual for them. They don't just leave their comfort zone, but find themselves in the very center of discomfort. Many people in this situation feel like they have lost control and feel scared.
Hartley is confident that by being in the discomfort zone, a person improves and grows. He begins to understand the boundaries of where he feels good and where he is overtaken by anxiety and fear. Identifying such areas gives him the opportunity to understand exactly what he needs to focus on and where to put effort.
When faced with a zone of discomfort, a person makes a decision - to retreat or overcome the obstacle. Using it for self-improvement, any person gains a sense of self-confidence.
The famous basketball player Michael Jordan was not tall enough to play basketball. When the coach of the basketball team rejected him at a children's sports camp for this reason, the guy decided that professional sports was not available to him. But Michael did not return to his comfort zone and continued to train hard. Today, no one will doubt that he is a great basketball player.
Exercise “Wheel of Life”
This psychological exercise will help you determine which areas of your life you need to pay attention to, because if some needs are unmet, this will greatly affect the process of achieving your goal. The harmony of each component is important, then success is guaranteed
So, you need to draw a circle on a piece of paper and divide it into 8 parts, each of them will be responsible for a certain area: love, relaxation, self-development, health, work, money, family, friends. And rate on a 10-point scale how filled each sector of your diagram is. This is the wheel of life, which is very difficult to roll if there are major shortcomings in at least one sector. Think about how you can increase the missing percentage and what you need to do to maintain it.
Active lifestyle
How to believe in yourself if gloomy reality does not allow you to do so? It is necessary to thoroughly reconsider the attitude towards current events. After all, the surrounding reality is the way we ourselves imagine it, endowing it with certain characteristics.
An active lifestyle contributes to the emergence of new thoughts, fresh ideas and constructive solutions. If you are also thinking about how to start believing in yourself, you should definitely be patient. You just have to take certain steps every day that lead to a positive result. Soon you will notice tangible changes for the better.
Methods
- Accumulation of effort. Slowly, step by step, even sometimes experiencing failures, but still continue moving towards your goal. This method is good because it is possible to gain satisfaction not only from what has been achieved, but also from the process itself, living the joy of every small victory. After all, as the proverb says: “Water wears away stones.”
- Jerk method. Everyone’s pace is different, and for some it may be easier to make a sudden, full-throttle breakthrough, a breakthrough forward. The results of this method are visible much faster, but there is a risk of exhaustion or emotional overstrain, so calculate your strengths and resources in advance.
