9 13457 June 25, 2021 at 00:35 Author of the publication: Sergey Alekseev, doctor Editor: Valentina Alabugina
I'm a coward. I’m afraid of everything: returning home through the courtyards in the evening, walking past noisy companies, talking to the girl I like—of life in general. I can’t stand up for myself or my loved ones. I can’t hit a person, even if I need to defend myself. They tell me I'm a wuss. Nobody takes me seriously. How to survive in this world? How to get rid of cowardice?
At Yuri Burlan’s training “System-vector psychology” you can find a way out of this situation.
What helps a person become brave?
Fears can significantly complicate our lives, interfere with raising a family, work, and even ordinary everyday activities. A brave person is not one who does not experience fear, but one who can resist it and not panic in an emergency situation.
Fear can manifest itself in different ways depending on the degree and reasons for its occurrence. It can be horror, fearfulness, anxiety, painful anticipation, intimidation, panic, inability to think adequately, downtroddenness, blind submission. Fear can completely control the mind.
Fears do not appear out of nowhere. We acquire them gradually throughout life, based on our own or others' experiences. Fear is caused by a feeling of danger.
There are also completely stupid fears (fear of being unloved, fear of being alone, fear of losing a job), in some cases fears turn into mania.
To have courage, you need to learn to control your fear. But how to do that.
First, determine what exactly you are afraid of, what causes you to feel fear, panic or horror. Write down all your fears in a notebook. What emotions do the other events they describe evoke in you?
Carefully analyze the compiled list. Determine what you fear most. You need to know the enemy by sight.
Find out the reason for your fear. Knowing the cause, it is easier to choose methods of control. Most often, the causes of fear lie in the child’s childhood. If possible, talk to your parents (maybe you were bitten by a dog as a child and since then you have become afraid of animals)
To become brave you need to increase your self-esteem. Often a person is afraid to show his ignorance, look stupid, or fail a test. Fear paralyzes the brain, and as a result, you will not be able to answer even the questions for which you have prepared. Therefore, decide whether you need such a satellite.
To become courageous, you need to realistically assess the situation. In a calm environment, imagine a situation that makes you feel afraid. Why is this situation dangerous for you? How to get out of it with the least negative consequences? Explore several options to solve the problem.
A sense of humor, a reliable assistant in the fight against fears. Find something funny in a situation or subject that frightens you and fear retreat.
Conquer fear, let courage become your companion on the path to success.
Is it necessary to fight cowardice?
Cowardice is, first of all, a sin, and therefore it must be fought. This can lead to very dire consequences that people cannot even imagine. If a cowardly person occupies a high position and the fate of other people depends on him, the consequences of his decision against conscience can lead to tragedy.
An example of cowardice is a judge's deliberately incorrect verdict, as a result of which an innocent person is sentenced to many years in prison. This can happen if the person passing the sentence received a bribe or felt threatened by people in a higher position. Unfortunately, this is not an uncommon situation in the modern world.
Cowardice also enters into the daily life of even the most ordinary person. Due to the indecisiveness of such people, it is difficult for them to start families, they suffer failures at work, and have problems communicating with others.
How to become bolder and more confident in yourself
To get rid of cowardice, you need to start small. For example, there is no need to be afraid to ask sellers about a product; a person has every right to do so. Many suffer from shyness and cannot speak to a stranger. Don't be afraid of it, you just need to try it 5-10 times and you'll even like it.
True, there are people who are not able to take such a significant step right away. There is nothing terrible here, they first need to change something in themselves. You can start with the most ordinary thing - image. Having changed something in himself, a person changed as a person, and his confidence was revealed in him.
People are indecisive because they do not know how others will react to their actions. You should not be afraid of the opinions of others, because there will always be those who will support you and those who will criticize you. Even if you do nothing, the same thing will happen. Criticism from strangers is inevitable; you don’t need to pay attention to it.
Almost all people approach strangers with uncertainty, and this is their mistake. To become brave, you need to be sociable and confident, you should not close yourself off.
After all this, you can begin to take more decisive and extreme actions. Skydiving is a good method for people who are afraid of heights to become bolder.
Seeing a brave person, almost everyone says: “And I want to be the same.” In order to become as brave, you need to observe brave people, be around them, study their manners, behavior, imagine yourself in their place, this will significantly speed up the process of cultivating courage.
The final step is self-tuning. It's not difficult at all and very effective. To become more decisive and bolder, a person simply must not forget about what he wants to achieve and repeat it to himself every day.
It will not be difficult for a brave person to realize his dream, to fulfill the goal he has set for himself. You need to be able to overcome your fears, because in order to defeat the whole World, you must first defeat yourself.
Why do people become cowardly?
Since cowardice is a character trait, it can be assumed that it is innate to a person from birth. Some people are bold and daring by nature, while others are shy and cowardly. For one person, accomplishing a feat is not so difficult, but for another it is an impossible task.
In early childhood, parents can both suppress the beginnings and contribute to the development of cowardice in the child. The importance of education in the formation of this personality quality plays a huge role. If you always try to protect and protect your child from all troubles and problems, suppress manifestations of independence, leave his misdeeds unpunished, do not be surprised that, growing up, he will be a cowardly person. People brought up in this way are not capable of noble deeds, they always expect someone to do everything for them, they are not able to make decisions and take responsibility for themselves.
The way of life in society also has a significant influence on the development of cowardice. An environment where money prevails over justice, initiative is punished, and bribery and unscrupulousness flourish everywhere, fosters helplessness and cowardice in a person.
How to get rid of cowardice and fear
Cowardice ruins a person's life. The inability to overcome fears is the main problem, which lies in one’s own weakness. Fears weaken the psyche, which prevents a person from fully enjoying life and realizing himself in different areas of life. You cannot indulge your fears, otherwise you will never become confident. How to stop being a coward?
One of the reasons for cowardice is often some kind of deficiency or poor development of physical abilities. Everyone can remember moments from their childhood when teenagers began to offend weaker or younger peers. They cannot answer anything in return and the only thing left is to close themselves off and do nothing else to change the situation.
How to stop being a coward
Solving the problem of lack of physical fitness is not difficult. To become brave, just enroll in a section for developing strength abilities (bodybuilding, weightlifting, boxing and other sports). After just a few months of training, you will begin to feel the strength in your hands that you will need for self-defense.
How to get rid of cowardice if, despite good physical fitness, fears overcome you? The whole catch here is that it is much more difficult to overcome the psychological cause of cowardice. You need to gather your courage and still decisively meet your fears. Write them down on a piece of paper, before carefully considering your behavior in different life situations. Write them all down in order from most important to least important.
After you complete the task, find the three most minor fears, and then recreate the situation in which they manifested themselves. Do this as soon as possible by doing what you really want. If everything worked out, be sure to praise yourself and reward yourself with something for the small victory. Otherwise, try to repeat the tasks again and again until you achieve success. Gradually move on to larger fears, and you will see how your mental stability will increase significantly over time.
If you want to get rid of cowardice and become courageous, then every morning should start with a positive attitude. After waking up and before going to bed, repeat to yourself: “I believe in my strength. I am beautiful, brave and strong. I am making my dreams come true." It is better to do this in front of the mirror and out loud. Saying affirmations really helps to overcome barriers in the subconscious that arise after unsuccessful situations in life.
The consequences of this quality
Cowardice is a problem that needs to be fought. People with this character trait are not able to benefit society.
If cowardice is used only to achieve one's own goals, it can end very sadly. In everyday life, this trait manifests itself in the form of deception. People try to achieve what they want dishonestly, without regard for others.
If there is no interest in the needs of other people and their problems, then this trait also refers to cowardice. In this case, you can lose interest not only in the lives of other people, but also in your own life. People are turning into robots that perform monotonous actions every day. A person is not alive, he exists, but unnoticed.
How to overcome your cowardice
How to overcome your cowardice? When things come to a boil in a conversation, when someone comes at me, I start shaking and am afraid of getting hurt. And I begin to speak a little abruptly out of fear. What should I do? I won’t be able to stand up for myself, for the girl, and in the future, if everything goes well, then for my family. Help me to be calm when talking to bullies and not to be afraid of anyone.
You have come to the right place, dear reader. We are a kind of branch of the “Fight Club”, in which we teach all the cowards and weaklings from Nadym to Hannover.
Like any decent educators, let's start with praise addressed to you: you are a great fellow for recognizing your problem. Many blame their indecision on culture, upbringing and reluctance to enter into conflicts. But justifying your inability to stand up for yourself is worse than any cowardice. We learned this from the Arab fifers, who taught us another important lesson: when you play defense, do not run towards the player with the ball, otherwise it will be difficult.
So, the most difficult and at the same time the most proven way is to meet your fear halfway. Do you know how intelligent boys, to whom fate gave the unenviable fate of living in disadvantaged areas, raised themselves? The same ones whom their mother taught to be polite and convinced that the most important skill for an obedient boy is to run fast. They (more precisely, some of them, especially the intelligent ones) gathered their will into a fist and went to those places where they were usually scolded. The famous “by contradiction” method, when someone who is afraid of the dark, entering a dark room, takes a step towards gaining courage; Those who are afraid of heights become more courageous when climbing high stairs.
You walk into the gateway in the evening lightly, having first emptied your pockets of everything valuable, you see predators, you approach the predators, you look straight at them, they say to you: “So what?”, and you say to them: “Over your shoulder.” Then a harsh educational process takes place, in which the punishers teach you how to communicate with people, and meanwhile you realize that, in general, there is nothing wrong with this. In the end, if you break into one well, the rest will instantly disappear. This is the principle of all bullshit.
This seems like moronic recklessness, but the method is effective, proven over generations. He doesn't just instill fearlessness, he also introduces you to the worst thing that can happen to you. True, if you are skinny, like the fruit of love between a mosquito and a dystrophic person, and you don’t even know in theory how to punch in the snout, then there is no point in trying, it’s banal suicide.
Because neither in boxing, nor in fencing, nor in capoeira, you cannot do without courage, otherwise you will never land a single blow. Any victory, even in a regular training sparring, gives you such confidence that you won’t immediately find it even under vodka. Plus, sport strengthens the body, develops muscles and makes the veins appear through. Maybe you don’t look any more impressive in appearance, and your jacket isn’t bursting at the seams, but you don’t care anymore, because you yourself are confident in your abilities and have already tried to hit a person in the face.
What, fighting sports are not suitable for you, since you are a toastmaster in your so-called Ryazan and you are absolutely forbidden to walk around with bruises? Then go to the rocking chair and pump yourself up to the size of a young bison. Have you seen how confident these guys are? No matter what anyone says, these two methods are the best, because they eliminate the most important phobia - the fear of receiving. When you are not afraid to receive, you immediately begin to feel a surge of strength, impudence, and your tongue loosens. In addition, when playing sports, you constantly experience a rush of adrenaline during delicate and dangerous situations, after which nothing scares you anymore.
That's all you need: turn your face to fear and overcome the main reason - the fear of getting punched in the snout. Everything else is meaningless psychological fuss that doesn’t actually work.
True, there are two fail-safe techniques based on visualization. It doesn’t take a drug addict’s imagination to visualize your fear as something unpleasant and black hidden in your skull. Take a deep breath, imagine that fear is floundering in the air. Now take a deep breath again and visualize how the black muck inside you is blown out by a stream of air and snatches of snot from your nose. Ultimately, taking deep breaths calms your nerves and normalizes your heart rate.
And then, if you have time, imagine how you successfully calm a faceless opponent with words, this will give you confidence. You don’t need to take someone specific, otherwise you might lose sight of it later. Take someone abstract, an average figure and from the crowd. This way you will mentally set yourself up for victory.
That's all you need, and remember: if you show yourself to be a coward, you will still lose. Cowards do not avoid humiliation, unlike balanced brave men. So it’s better to get punched in the face in a fight than to be mentally and physically pissed in front of your friends and family.
Examples from fiction
Captain's daughter A.S. Pushkin
Cowardice is nothing more than human weakness, which manifests itself in the inability to overcome one's fear in the face of danger. Such a person simply lacks the courage and determination necessary to make a decision in a difficult situation.
A striking example of cowardice in Russian fiction is the minor character of the historical novel A.S. Pushkin "The Captain's Daughter" Shvabrin. He acted very basely, slandering the girl he loved so that she would not leave for another. Shvabrin was a coward, unable to honestly fight for his happiness, so he shows great meanness, brutally wounding his opponent in a duel as soon as he turned his back. Fear for his life forced him to stab him in the back when Grinev did not expect it at all. But even greater horror gripped him when Pugachev occupied the fortress. In this situation, Shvabrin’s cowardice manifested itself to the fullest; without hesitation, he went over to the side of the enemy, thinking only about the safety of his own life. His cowardice and weakness of character pushed him to such a shameful act as betrayal. Another act of cowardice was keeping Masha Mironova captive on bread and water - the only way Shvabrina hoped to regain his favor. He did not know human dignity, subject to moral laws.
Pushkin depicted all human shortcomings through the contrast created by the comparison of Shvabrin and Pyotr Grinev. The main character was the embodiment of nobility, honor and courage. In all his actions he showed fearlessness and willpower, making a strong impression on the people around him. Pugachev, amazed by Grinev’s courage, spared his life and released him from the fortress along with his beloved. Only courage can free a person from the oppressive feeling of fear and give him strength for heroic deeds.
Death of the official A.P. Chekhov
All people are afraid by nature, this is an absolutely normal feeling, but sometimes it turns into cowardice, weakness of will or cowardice. The hero of Chekhov's story accidentally sneezes, splashing the bald head of the general sitting in front. He considers his act terrible and unacceptable and is afraid that his carelessness has angered the general. Chernyakov waves his hand at his boss and, having received an apology, continues to suck up. An attempt to make amends grew into real persecution. His unceremoniousness angered the general, who furiously shouted at the annoying official, and he was so frightened that he returned home and died immediately. Being in a humiliating position, he did not try to find a way out of it, but only dug himself deeper and deeper. This is exactly what the author ridicules, putting the moral ideals of man above all else. The very name of the main character speaks of his humiliation and humiliation in front of others. The image of Chernyakov is the image of a weak, hypochondriac, devoid of his own opinion and dignity.
Using the example of his main character, Anton Pavlovich wanted to show that vices such as cowardice can lead a person not only to moral, but also to physical death. The wrong reaction to a trivial event can lead to a tragic end.
Woe from mind A. S. Griboyedov
A striking example of cowardice is presented in the comedy by A.S. Griboyedov "Woe from Wit" as Alexei Stepanovich Molchanov. This is a collective image of all minor Russian officials of the 19th century. Even his name is very symbolic; it is based on the verb “to remain silent”, which accurately conveys the essence of this person. He is a quiet, shy servant of Famusov, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. Molchalin comes from the lower social strata, having nothing in common with the aristocracy. He managed to get into the upper classes only thanks to his humility and flattery. At the time of the events, Alexey Stepanovich holds the position of Famusov’s secretary, but hopes for rapid career growth.
At the beginning of the comedy, Molchalin appears as a very modest and shy person, always able to help. Over time, the mask of pretense falls away, and the reader sees a completely different person, obsessed with narcissism and narcissism. He plunges headlong into achieving his goal and is ready to play any role, even a humiliating one, in order to satisfy his desires. For Alexei Stepanovich, other people did not matter, he played on Sophia’s feelings for his own benefit, he needed her only as a means to get closer to Famusov. Molchalin is a hypocritical person, personifying cowardice and cheerfulness on the one hand, and a notorious hypocrite on the other. The public does not see the true nature of Secretary Famusov; on the contrary, they take him for a selfless person who cares about the well-being of others more than his own.
A.S. Griboyedov showed in his comedy that people like Molchalin cannot be underestimated, they do not realize their mistakes and are ready to destroy the destinies of others. Unfortunately, our world is full of such opportunists.
Many works of literature reveal issues of human cowardice
Assess the situation
Understand yourself. Are your feelings lost perfectly? Is there a chance to save this relationship? It is allowed to part with a peaceful conscience if you have done everything possible to maintain this relationship. This approach will allow you not to worry about, perhaps, an ideal mistake in the future.
If the decision is made, have a serious conversation about ending the relationship, about the fact that there is no future for them. True, it’s difficult, but it’s better than neglecting visits, calls and expectations that he will think of everyone himself. It is better to act in good faith and communicate sincerely.
PORTRAIT OF AN AGGRESSIVE CHILD
To begin with, it is worth clarifying that aggression and aggressiveness are far from the same thing. Aggression is a one-time act that goes against generally accepted moral and ethical standards, and its result is psychological or physical harm. Aggression is a way of expressing oneself in society, behavior that has become habitual. In addition, it is worth distinguishing between aggression and anger in a child. Negative emotions and disagreement can and should find another way out and should not result in harm to others.
In fact, children's aggressiveness has very specific criteria. This is a child who often:
- cannot control himself;
- conflicts with adults, swears or argues;
- envies and takes revenge;
- deliberately irritates others, infuriates them, offends them;
- refuses to follow rules;
- blames others for his mistakes;
- gets angry and refuses to do anything;
- overly sensitive to the words and actions of both adults and children.
At the same time, we can talk about aggressiveness as pathological behavior if at least 4 of the above signs appear within six months. In this case, it is important not to hesitate, but to help the child adapt to society. To do this, you need to establish the causes of aggression and understand what really stands behind it.
Cowards don't create dreams
The instinct of self-preservation lives in every living creature, including humans. It forces us to avoid danger and preserve our lives, and this is a completely natural desire. But there is an extremely negative manifestation of this instinct, and its name is cowardice. Fear of doing something so as not to leave your comfort zone - this is how I understand the meaning of this word.
A cowardly person lives his whole life in the shackles of his fears. Fearfulness does not allow him to express himself, to perform a noble deed, or to help his neighbor. What if it hurts? What if it gets worse? And the man cowardly backs away. People struggle with overcoming this quality all their lives. Some people succeed, some don't. Some become heroes and legends, while others become traitors and despised members of society.
Throughout human history, it was courage and cowardice that determined the outcome of battles and wars. Heroes sacrificed themselves, bravely went to their death for their country, and cowards and traitors, saving their lives, sent thousands and millions of people to their deaths.
Thus, Ivan the Terrible is considered one of the most cowardly Russian rulers. In 1571, when the Crimean army invaded the Moscow state, the tsar, in fear, abandoned his subjects to their fate and fled to Rostov. As a result, Moscow burned to the ground and tens of thousands of Muscovites died. Frightened by this, Ivan the Terrible was ready to give Astrakhan and Kazan to the enemy, but he was prevented in time. In an instant, a cowardly ruler threatened the independence of a great state.
In literature, the problem of cowardice is raised by many writers. One such example is the act of Erast in the story “Poor Liza” by Karamzin. The hero, who was afraid of poverty, betrayed his beloved and married a rich widow. Thus, he not only refused responsibility for his life, did not want to overcome difficulties, but also ruined the life of a poor girl who could not bear the betrayal and drowned herself in a pond. Erast's cowardice served him badly: until the end of his life he considered himself a murderer and was tormented by remorse.
To be a coward or a brave and courageous person is a decision that everyone makes for themselves. Any person fears for his life and strives to save it. But when trouble comes and we have to make a choice, then we show our true essence. What will we put above - our own safety and comfort or the interests of other people? It is not easy to be brave and take risks, but by showing courage and nobility, we develop and grow, become better and stronger.
