How to raise a woman’s self-esteem: advice from psychologists, books, films

1. Self-esteem concept
2. Reasons for low self-esteem in women
3. 5 signs of low self-esteem in a woman
4. 7 main ways to increase a woman’s self-esteem and confidence
5. Meditation to raise self-esteem for a woman
6. Practical advice from a psychologist to raise a woman’s self-esteem after a breakup
7. The best films that raise a woman's self-esteem
8. Books to boost a woman's self-esteem

Uncertainty, dislike and lack of self-acceptance are the results of low self-esteem. And they lead to dissatisfaction with life in general and problems in relationships in particular. Everything comes from within, so how to raise a woman’s self-esteem is a question to which a woman must find an answer.

Our article will help her with this! You will find an analysis of the main reasons for low self-esteem in women, signs by which you can identify it in yourself, but most importantly - a list of effective methods, exercises, tips, books and films to transform your inner world and look at yourself in a new way.

Self-esteem concept

Before talking about how to raise a woman’s self-esteem, it would be nice to understand what this term means. In simple words, self-esteem is how a person perceives his own qualities and the position he occupies in society.

Throughout his life, a person is under the close attention of the people around him. They evaluate his personality, discuss his appearance, words, actions and deeds he performs. But a person himself forms an opinion about himself in order to build a model of behavior in society.

This is where the definition of self-esteem arises - this is the degree of perception of oneself, an assessment of one’s qualities, both positive and negative, and of the entire personality as a whole.

Self-understanding is built on self-love. The stronger this love, the more accurate and higher a person’s self-esteem.

The way a person evaluates his personality leaves an imprint on his entire life. If he is confident in himself and his abilities, he will definitely achieve success. If he feels weak, incapable of any decisive action, and experiences a constant feeling of guilt and shame, then his internal needs will remain unfulfilled. Basic self-esteem is established in childhood, but can be adjusted as you grow older.

Definition

A woman’s self-esteem is the ability to objectively assess her own abilities, personal qualities, social status and herself as a person. Relationships in society and a woman’s position in the family and at work are determined by the attitude towards one’s own person.

The level of self-esteem ensures the complexity of the goals and objectives that a woman is trying to achieve in life. One strives to take a leadership position, knowing that she can do it. Another has been content with working as a clerk for 20 years, without thinking about anything more. One marries a prince, the other lives with an alcoholic and a brawler, unable to provide for his family, afraid of being left alone.

Self-esteem is one of the basic concepts of psychology. We come across assessments of our abilities more often than we think. Whether we are catching up with a bus leaving a stop, writing an essay at a university, or preparing a new dish for the arrival of guests, first we evaluate our capabilities - the speed of movement, the ability to reveal the topic of the essay, or the ability to cook.

Are you ready to stop thinking about your problem and finally move on to real actions that will help you get rid of your problems once and for all? Then perhaps you will be interested in this article .

Self-analysis in everyday life is a tool for monitoring and measuring behavior patterns.
Inadequate comparison of the image of the “I” located in a person’s thoughts with reality leads to low or high self-esteem, to a neurotic split of personality, but not in the clinical sense. A modern person is a “set of self-presentations,” that is, he wants to please others and flaunts those character traits (often not inherent to him) that, in his opinion, should set him apart from the crowd. Over time, he begins to believe in the invented image, to correspond to it, breaking away from reality. When real goals and tasks are set before him, he finds himself unable to fulfill or solve them. Self-esteem drops.

The concept of “performance self-assessment” refers to a comprehensive assessment of an enterprise by employees in order to identify weaknesses in production, financial or interpersonal terms.

Meditation to raise self-esteem for a woman

Not all people can boast of self-confidence. Some people need the approval of others for this, others feel independent if they are loved, and others rely on high self-esteem. But if all this is not enough, meditation tuned to self-confidence will help you feel your self-sufficiency. It is quite simple and accessible to everyone. The result of its implementation will be not only the return of faith in one’s own strength, but also the solution to a number of psychological problems. For example, how to raise a woman’s self-esteem after 40 or another age, stop beating herself up, and let go of negative feelings.

If you want to conduct a full-fledged self-confidence meditation, then you need to include special visualization in this process. Every day during the session you should mentally imagine yourself as you see yourself in your dreams.

The mental image should depict a self-sufficient person who is not afraid of any difficulties, because he always copes with them.

How to deal with low self-esteem?

The first thing you need to do is get rid of toxic people around you. Envious girlfriends, unfriendly colleagues, a partner who humiliates your dignity - leave them in the past. If you hear negative remarks from relatives, keep communication to a minimum.

Step two: start an affair with yourself. Think about how you feel about your loved ones? Hug them, compliment them, give them gifts. Do the same to yourself! Check out the checklist of simple actions that dramatically increase self-esteem:

1. Admire yourself. Spin in front of the mirror, stroke yourself on the head. It may be difficult at first, but gradually it will become a habit.
2. Pamper yourself. Put your own interests first. Are you going to the store? Buy a treat not only for your husband and children, but also for yourself. Buy books, cosmetics, underwear, clothes, and other things you have long dreamed of.
3. Be interesting to yourself. To do this, invest in self-development and education. Try to take Pavel Rakov’s trainings and courses - you will learn a lot of interesting things about male and female psychology, and improve your success skills.
4. Give yourself compliments. Right now, record a few compliments addressed to you on a voice recorder. Listen regularly and add to the recording.
5. Develop signs of healthy self-esteem. Learn to say no. Dream big: self-realization, a doctorate, going into space. Read the article “What kind of women do men love? 10 qualities that you need to cultivate in yourself” and use it as a guide to action.

Practical advice from a psychologist to raise a woman’s self-esteem after a breakup

1. Be kind to yourself and don't criticize yourself.

Everyone knows that it is easier to scold yourself than to praise yourself. But your life is already difficult, and criticism addressed to you can completely take away all your strength and desire to move on. Therefore, praise yourself as often as possible, for every little thing, you may even regret it a little.

Very imperceptibly, but constant self-criticism over time develops into a not very good habit that is difficult to get rid of. With every failure, you feel guilty and feel completely helpless against the prevailing circumstances. When breaking up, especially if the reason for the breakup was another person, you immediately decide that since this happened, it means that the other passion is much better than you. This attitude towards oneself will not lead to anything good except depression; it must be changed urgently - this is the answer to the question of how to raise a woman’s self-esteem after cheating.

Be more lenient with yourself, softer, and under no circumstances think that you are worse than others. The failed relationship may have been a mistake, so give yourself credit for avoiding it.

2. Change the situation and, with your “disheveled” feelings and low self-esteem, go straight to the beauty salon

Most likely, the world will not notice your shining nail polish or your new image, but you will see yourself in the mirror completely different, prettier, refreshed - you see, your self-esteem will increase.

And make it a rule to regularly visit the salon to maintain this beauty.

Don't waste the money you have left at the hairdresser. After all, this is an investment in your good mood.

What will happen next?

By correcting your self-esteem, you will understand how and with whom you want to live your life. You will notice that your environment has changed: people will appear around you who sincerely admire you and inspire you. Men will start complimenting and giving gifts. But the main thing is that you will begin to like yourself and enjoy every day you live.

Want to speed up the process? Try taking the online course “Secrets of Women’s Happiness.” On it I give a concentrate of techniques for building a harmonious life, rich, “roof-bearing” relationships.

Have you ever experienced signs of low self-esteem in your life? Did you manage to fix it?

How to learn to love yourself?

Remember, any manipulation with your appearance - from self-tanning to liposuction - is a demonstration of self-doubt and a step towards narcissistic disorder. This is when everyone thinks that you adore yourself, but in fact your self-esteem is below par. You live only by the love of other people. This very often happens with actresses and models: they feed on the adoration of the masses, but they do not love themselves. Women generally have the wrong idea of ​​what it means to love themselves. They believe that self-admiration, narcissism is self-love. And this is exactly the opposite.

The first thing you need to do is stop asking friends and family about your appearance. Do I look good, does my hair suit me, how do you like my new dress - all these phrases should be on the black list.

Second : learn to respond to compliments with the phrase: “Thank you, I’m very pleased.” Forbid yourself to deny, like, what are you talking about, but it wasn’t worth it, but it just seemed to you.

Third : exclude any help from friends or salespeople when choosing clothes. Focus only on your feelings, understand what you personally like.

Fourth : never change your decisions unless force majeure occurs. I decided to do this, go here, spend the evening like this, buy this thing - that’s it, finish the job.

Fifth : do not engage in mental division of yourself into component parts. Many people say this: my hair is beautiful, but my legs are crooked. Each one is completely beautiful, why this dismemberment.

You can ask me a specific personal question and get an equally specific answer at the public consultation “Formula for Happy Relationships: With Spouses, Parents, Children,” which will take place in Moscow on April 19. Tickets for the consultation can be purchased here.

The program is not a value - an example from a client

I had a client who came in completely distraught in all areas. Her husband left her for a younger man, there was a breakdown at work, and she was fired. The project the girl was working on was completely completed, and she was left without income. She had problems in her relationship with her mother; they did not communicate for 15 years. On top of all this there are problems with children. Everything and everywhere was falling apart. In this state, she came to me for the “Foundation” course. This girl constantly had a program of no value, self-deprecation.

What do you think, when we worked on it, what happened?

1. The husband took the divorce petition, asks for forgiveness, wants to go back.
2. The eldest teenage son, with whom there were the most conflicts, began to hear her and say: “Mom, how great you are,” although he had previously said: “Others are lucky with their mother, but I’m not.”
3. She received 4 job offers. Thanks to this, she may not grab onto one that does not correspond to her goals. She can choose the place where she can best realize her potential and goals.

All the problems were contained in one program: “I am not valuable. I am nobody. I have to earn love, I have to sacrifice myself for other people.” This is a program of sacrifice, low self-esteem, which was reflected in all areas of life. After all, the people around her taught her this “non-value”:

• husband chose another;
• others were chosen at work;
• even my son said that other mothers are better.

That is, the girl did not choose herself and did not consider herself valuable. This is why it is so important to work with your thinking and get rid of negative programs.

Why does low self-esteem appear?

Psychologists believe that before you start to deal with a problem, it is necessary to establish its source. Below are some reasons for low female self-esteem.

1. Divorce or separation from a loved one can negatively affect a woman’s self-esteem. She looks for reasons only in herself, begins to feel unnecessary and ugly, after which she becomes withdrawn. Developed complexes often become an obstacle to communication with men and new relationships.
2. The lack of parental affection, support and attention in childhood often affects the incorrect self-esteem of an adult woman. As a child, a girl needs open expression of emotions and love from those closest to her. Another mistake parents make is when scolding a child, saying how bad he is, comparing him with others and focusing on his failures. Such strict upbringing is the key to the formation of a self-critical and insecure personality.
3. A woman can lower her self-esteem by constantly comparing herself to others. You shouldn’t allow the following thoughts: “all my friends are already married, but I’m not,” “at my age, everyone has some kind of stability in life, but I haven’t achieved anything,” “friends brag about their gifts, but my beloved is like me.” he doesn’t, it means he thinks I’m unworthy of them.” An insecure woman is afraid to be different from society and cause the disapproval of others.

6 questions to ask yourself to change your attitude towards life

How does a confident woman behave?

A confident woman comes to the store, takes the things she likes, tries them on, buys what she liked best, or doesn’t buy because she didn’t like it, but she is not tormented by the choice. A self-confident woman gets out of bed, discovers, for example, that the milk has run out, throws a raincoat over her pajamas and goes to the store for milk, without washing or combing her hair. She is confident that she is good on her own, she does not need to embellish herself further.

The most important thing to remember: there is no universal criterion of beauty. No! You can’t please everyone, don’t try to compare yourself with someone, it’s a dead end. There are so many beautiful and very unhappy people around. And the most beautiful (okay, the sexiest) woman on earth, about whom 90% of the male population of this planet dreamed, whose portrait was carried in the breast pockets of American army soldiers in Vietnam - Marilyn Monroe - died alone. And in general I had a bunch of psychological problems.

What to do to improve your self-esteem

Low self-esteem is an unpleasant obstacle in the life of a modern woman. Psychologists have discovered that self-esteem is never fully formed. It changes along with the development of personality. Therefore, it is never too late to change your outlook on life and start loving and appreciating yourself. True, this requires painstaking work on your consciousness and the implementation of certain rules:

1. Self-esteem will never become adequate while a person scolds himself and shares other people's criticism. You need to tune in to a positive mood and concentrate on your strengths and good qualities. Such thoughts will crowd out complexes.
2. You can't compare yourself to others. There are many people in the world who are better or worse in some ways. It is impossible to surpass everyone, so there is no point in looking back at others. It is better to pay attention to yourself, strive for your own heights and compare only your personality in the past and present.
3. The affirmation effect is very helpful in increasing self-esteem. For example, on any household item you can attach a sign with the inscription “I am a wonderful and talented person, so I will always be happy.” The main thing is to read this sign every time it catches your eye and smile.
4. You should not torment yourself with remorse or overly long excuses and apologies to others. Having offended a person, it is enough to apologize to him once, rather than constantly blaming yourself for what happened, giving your opponent reasons for manipulation.
5. People around you must provide support and show by example how to remain a strong and positive person in any situation. It is better to exclude negative and picky individuals from your communication.
6. Increasing self-esteem is a good reason to start transforming your appearance. You can visit beauty salons, update your wardrobe, and play sports. Well-groomed women feel more confident and comfortable.
7. Praise should be taken calmly. It should be accepted with gratitude, and not rejected with embarrassment.
8. In order to increase your self-esteem, you need to do what you love. Work that is not related to interests and callings causes despondency, bad mood and a feeling of worthlessness in a woman. Only in a job you love can you use your full potential, which is necessary for personal development.
9. Feelings of envy should not be allowed. A person with adequate self-esteem will never quietly envy other people’s successes, but will try with all his might to achieve what he wants.
10. Free time is better spent on self-development. You need to read more books, learn something new, regardless of age. An interesting and well-read person will always be able to find friends who appreciate these qualities.

5 ways to stop being afraid of external evaluation

Following these simple rules will definitely increase your self-esteem. And acquired self-love and self-confidence will help improve your life and facilitate communication with others.

How to identify the problem?

Count the number of points that describe you:

1. You feel flawed, you are consumed by guilt.

2. You are sure that those around you are unfair to you, and life in general is even more unfair.

3. You feel like you're married to the wrong person.

4. Your children don't live up to your expectations.

5. In fact, you think that you are working in the wrong place and for the wrong salary.

6. Deep down, you understand that you were born for a different life, but the people around you, obligations and circumstances do not allow you to realize your potential.

7. You are often consumed by envy; you envy your friends, actresses, and Victoria's Secret models.

8. You constantly compare yourself with others, these comparisons are always not in your favor.

9. The choice of everything - from underwear to work and apartment - is flawed (“this is too much for me”, “I don’t deserve more”). For example, come to the store with money for luxury designer shoes, and buy two pairs of black rough boots - they are not easily soiled and have insulation.

10. You are dependent on the opinions of others.

If you have at least one of the above points, then you (at least from time to time) suffer from low self-esteem. How to fix everything?

Self-esteem test - determine the level of attitude towards yourself today

Answer the following few questions. If the answer to most of them is positive, then it’s time to start working on yourself and change your attitude towards yourself. Go.

1. Do you compare yourself to other people and always lose?
2. Are you jealous of other people?
3. Do you often complain about life and feel sorry for yourself?
4. Do you live in the past, cherishing good moments, or yearning for missed opportunities?
5. Do you feel like your loved ones don’t value you or your work?
6. Are you experiencing difficulties in romantic relationships?
7. Are you afraid to meet people and think that you are not worthy of true love?
8. Constantly wondering what others will think?
9. Do you find it difficult to make decisions, do you always doubt whether you are making the right choice?
10. Is it hard for you to refuse people their requests?

If most of these questions seem crazy to you, then your self-esteem is fine. And if you see yourself in them, then you understand perfectly well how much this poisons life, and that it’s time to change it.